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I Remember, Daddy: The Harrowing True Story of a Daughter Haunted by Memories Too Terrible to Forget
Katie's memories of her childhood were patchy. She'd always remembered her father's physical abuse, his anger and violence. But there was a lot she had forgotten. And, at the age of 24, after the birth of her son, the memories that were gradually unlocked with the help of a psychiatrist were far more terrible. Katie had grown up living in fear. She'd never forgotten the icy coldness that used to spread through every vein in her body each time her father grabbed her roughly by the arm, or punched and kicked her mother. Or the occasion when she was 3 and he'd locked her in a bedroom for an entire weekend, without food or water. Or the night when he'd brought home a young woman he'd met at a bar, pushing her mother down the stairs when she dared to complain and then locking mother and daughter out in the snow, dressed only in their nightdresses. There were many, many incidents of violence and cruelty that Katie had never forgotten. But when she started a family of her own, and began to see a psychiatrist to help her cope with the debilitating post-natal depression she was suffering, she was forced to recall memories that were even more horrifying. Memories of the sexual abuse her father had subjected her to from the age of 3, which her mind had locked away for over twenty years. And memories of all the other horrific incidents from her childhood that she'd dared not remember until then. During the months that Katie remained in the psychiatric hospital, the locked doors in her mind gradually opened, releasing the trauma from her past and finally enabling her to start to understand the reason for her self-disgust. This is Katie's story -- the sometimes harrowing but ultimately inspiring true story of her journey as she comes to terms with memories too painful to remember but impossible to forget.
304 pages, Paperback
First published March 1, 2011
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Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews
February 4, 2014
Reading Katie Matthews’ book ‘I remember, Daddy’ is like reliving one long nightmare. There are twists and turns in her book that are powerful enough to make you cringe and cry- but mostly cringe.
To say that Matthews suffered an abusive childhood would be a gross understatement. From the age of three her father sexually abused her. She remembers waking up to the flashes of a camera and finding herself in bed with strangers, there would be parties hosted by her father where she would be offered to his friends for a ‘tenner’, on one occasion she was locked in her bedroom for three days without food and water. The abuse extended to her mother too. On more than one occasion Matthews was convinced her mother was going to die.
Perhaps her happiest childhood memory was when her father bought her a hamster. But like her childhood, happiness was cut short. “I could hardly believe what had happened. Had we really escaped the agonizing lashings that were our usual punishment for any act of disobedience?” Matthews recounted the day her hamster escaped. “I crept into the kitchen for breakfast… I reached out my hand towards the silver toast rack– and screamed. Squashed into a milk bottle, just a few inches from my plate, was the twisted, suffocated little body of my hamster.”
After the birth of her son, all these memories Matthews had once blocked out came back to traumatise her. She falls into post-natal depression and finds herself, on more than one occasion, in psychiatric wards.
It is easy to feel dirty and criminal when reading about Matthews’ life and the never-ending cycles of abuse. But what Matthews’ inspiring story does do very well is challenge our perspective on life and our society. Why did no one help her? Why did the legal system fail? Why did her mother never suspect the abuse? Suffice to say this is not a book for the faint-hearted.
Matthews has poured her heart out. For this, it is easy to form a connection and feel sympathy for her. Even if the horrific recounts intensify chapter by chapter, and you begin to question what good there is in reading about abuse, one feels compelled to read on and mentally support helpless young Matthews. This is Matthews’ story and recounting her life is closure for her.
To say that Matthews suffered an abusive childhood would be a gross understatement. From the age of three her father sexually abused her. She remembers waking up to the flashes of a camera and finding herself in bed with strangers, there would be parties hosted by her father where she would be offered to his friends for a ‘tenner’, on one occasion she was locked in her bedroom for three days without food and water. The abuse extended to her mother too. On more than one occasion Matthews was convinced her mother was going to die.
Perhaps her happiest childhood memory was when her father bought her a hamster. But like her childhood, happiness was cut short. “I could hardly believe what had happened. Had we really escaped the agonizing lashings that were our usual punishment for any act of disobedience?” Matthews recounted the day her hamster escaped. “I crept into the kitchen for breakfast… I reached out my hand towards the silver toast rack– and screamed. Squashed into a milk bottle, just a few inches from my plate, was the twisted, suffocated little body of my hamster.”
After the birth of her son, all these memories Matthews had once blocked out came back to traumatise her. She falls into post-natal depression and finds herself, on more than one occasion, in psychiatric wards.
It is easy to feel dirty and criminal when reading about Matthews’ life and the never-ending cycles of abuse. But what Matthews’ inspiring story does do very well is challenge our perspective on life and our society. Why did no one help her? Why did the legal system fail? Why did her mother never suspect the abuse? Suffice to say this is not a book for the faint-hearted.
Matthews has poured her heart out. For this, it is easy to form a connection and feel sympathy for her. Even if the horrific recounts intensify chapter by chapter, and you begin to question what good there is in reading about abuse, one feels compelled to read on and mentally support helpless young Matthews. This is Matthews’ story and recounting her life is closure for her.
September 7, 2019
My heart broke into pieces reading this.
July 31, 2013
This was a heart wrenching story to read. Im sure it was even harder to write it. To put your raw emotions out there for everyone to see. It was so sad, I was crying right with her as the abuse was going on. My heart just ached with the familiar pain. The physical pain she endured is beyond describing. One can only truly understand if they've been there themselves. Her dad was a heartless sob and really deserved to serve time in jail along with all the 'friends' he offered his daughter to for their sexual pleasures. I can understand her ups and down and was by her side in her numerous hospitalizations, encouraging her in my mind. The book follows the life of Katie from 2 years old and up through adulthood. Katie did ok in life (meaning she pushed the memories down so far that she didnt remember them until she became a mother herself. The she fell apart emotionally and physically as the memories started surfacing. She self-harmed in many ways trying to banish the demons, to the extreme of trying to take her life.
She didnt hold anything back and really told her readers how devious her father was in managing to escape being caught in any wrong doings to herself or her mother. This was really an eye opener for people to see how abuse does destroy your self esteem and rob you of the joys in life.
But cudos to Kathy for managing to bring her life together. She took the wrong that was done and turned it into something that she is actually able to use to help others in the same spot she was in.
I'd be honored to meet Katie in person and thank her for sharing her life story. Right now I am praying that she is living a happy and healthy lifestyle and has been able to keep helping other kids in similar situations that she was in.
She didnt hold anything back and really told her readers how devious her father was in managing to escape being caught in any wrong doings to herself or her mother. This was really an eye opener for people to see how abuse does destroy your self esteem and rob you of the joys in life.
But cudos to Kathy for managing to bring her life together. She took the wrong that was done and turned it into something that she is actually able to use to help others in the same spot she was in.
I'd be honored to meet Katie in person and thank her for sharing her life story. Right now I am praying that she is living a happy and healthy lifestyle and has been able to keep helping other kids in similar situations that she was in.
March 14, 2013
**********Probably has a lot of Spoilers, Read at your own Risk************************
At first I was compelled to ignore the obvious repeating and poorly edited writing style to hear the story. It wasn't well written but the nature of her abuse was horrific. It was like the train wreck you can't stop looking at the accident pictures because you are in shock.
About fifty percent into the novel, I began to realize I didn't believe her. I'm sorry if that makes me a horrible person as obviously a publisher and several other readers have bought every word of this novel as truth because it says so. But who says so? What makes it non fiction?
Now I can't figure out having finished the novel if she was delusional and believes the truth she's selling, if it was possibly true, if she was having a bit of revenge on daddy, or was the entire thing the rantings and ravings of a lunatic? I don't know only the author and her family really know. I tried to find something, anything to back up the novel as evidence and because there was never prosecution there is nothing. So I could be wrong. I would apologize if I were but it would take evidence not just an author comment on this review to convince me.
The problems I have believing this novel are numerous. Let's start with the disjointed memories. Sure, someone writing something painful like this may have this writing style but a good editor would have fixed this before publishing the book. Helped the thoughts organize themselves.
Next, let's examine the memories for a moment. Does a two year old have crystal clear detailed recollections of events in their childhood? Why were later memories so vague? Why does she go out of her way not to actually implicate anyone by name? She makes tremendous claims about the notoriety of her father's friends, even nationally but never once gives us a real name to go off of? Her own father who was so terrible is still just any old man walking down the street as she never gives a face to him. Incredulous. You want to tell your story, you spill all of his secrets and still don't give him away.
When she can't come up with something new to tell she seems to pull off the past and rehash an old memory with a new name, face, or place. Yes, abuse like this exists but how credible is it that every adult outside of her mother and grandparents she encountered in her lifetime was another pedophile and no one stood up for her or helped her? She lived with other friends in high school and none of their parents came to her aid? Very hard to believe. People can't mind their own business. Look at the extreme amount of pedophiles this one person encountered in about a four year time span. That alone seems unrealistic. Mom was unaware? Really? Dad took you to baths and bed alone and not once did she ever question it? Even when you developed boils? Let's not even mention the amount of tearing and physical damage done to a little girl's body by what she claims happened to her. Or the fact that no unwanted pregnancies ever occurred. It happened at twelve so that makes it harder to believe there was never a consequence or an STD if as many people shared her as she wants us to believe.
Next let's look at the amount of excuses and drudging up a repeat of excuses she has to explain herself. She acted bad in high school because, she didn't tell anyone because, she continued to visit her father and go on trips with him at 18 because...I'm sorry at some point a normal person has washed their hands of their father and no longer puts themselves in consistent danger by returning to visit again and again.
Her brother seemed like he could be a prominent figure in the beginning of the story and then he just disappears. Yes, he went to boarding school but there's no further mention on his take, his memories, and in fact all bond with her sibling is shattered by her teenage years. She has completely forgotten everything until she breaks down after birthing her child and all of this starts to surface. How much of this is real? How much of this is fabricated by her own mental condition, whatever that is?
Aside from prosecuting or legal action against her father I'd like to spend one brief moment on her teenage experience with Dan. Those who have read this will know what I refer to, trying hard not to overtly spoil everything. In that regard - there would be an incredible amount of pain in what was described. I find it hard to believe that doctors were so confused they never once checked for something like what happened. Then think about how angry one would feel. How could you not say a word? How did that tragedy not invoke the terrible memories she still claimed to be blocking? That would do more to trigger her childhood than anything else could. So it doesn't even make sense. I'm no psychologist but again, please disprove me. Just read the book first so you can use examples and really explain it to me.
The entire book could be truthful. Partial truths may exist between the shattered fabric of a mentally ill person's brain. However, there is no real case to be made for 100% truth and a big, big case to be made for fiction. There are many more examples of why I feel this way but I'm quite surprised in reading the other reviews no one else even briefly mentioned the possibility that this could be a work of fiction. That we could all be being duped by a writer.
At first I was compelled to ignore the obvious repeating and poorly edited writing style to hear the story. It wasn't well written but the nature of her abuse was horrific. It was like the train wreck you can't stop looking at the accident pictures because you are in shock.
About fifty percent into the novel, I began to realize I didn't believe her. I'm sorry if that makes me a horrible person as obviously a publisher and several other readers have bought every word of this novel as truth because it says so. But who says so? What makes it non fiction?
Now I can't figure out having finished the novel if she was delusional and believes the truth she's selling, if it was possibly true, if she was having a bit of revenge on daddy, or was the entire thing the rantings and ravings of a lunatic? I don't know only the author and her family really know. I tried to find something, anything to back up the novel as evidence and because there was never prosecution there is nothing. So I could be wrong. I would apologize if I were but it would take evidence not just an author comment on this review to convince me.
The problems I have believing this novel are numerous. Let's start with the disjointed memories. Sure, someone writing something painful like this may have this writing style but a good editor would have fixed this before publishing the book. Helped the thoughts organize themselves.
Next, let's examine the memories for a moment. Does a two year old have crystal clear detailed recollections of events in their childhood? Why were later memories so vague? Why does she go out of her way not to actually implicate anyone by name? She makes tremendous claims about the notoriety of her father's friends, even nationally but never once gives us a real name to go off of? Her own father who was so terrible is still just any old man walking down the street as she never gives a face to him. Incredulous. You want to tell your story, you spill all of his secrets and still don't give him away.
When she can't come up with something new to tell she seems to pull off the past and rehash an old memory with a new name, face, or place. Yes, abuse like this exists but how credible is it that every adult outside of her mother and grandparents she encountered in her lifetime was another pedophile and no one stood up for her or helped her? She lived with other friends in high school and none of their parents came to her aid? Very hard to believe. People can't mind their own business. Look at the extreme amount of pedophiles this one person encountered in about a four year time span. That alone seems unrealistic. Mom was unaware? Really? Dad took you to baths and bed alone and not once did she ever question it? Even when you developed boils? Let's not even mention the amount of tearing and physical damage done to a little girl's body by what she claims happened to her. Or the fact that no unwanted pregnancies ever occurred. It happened at twelve so that makes it harder to believe there was never a consequence or an STD if as many people shared her as she wants us to believe.
Next let's look at the amount of excuses and drudging up a repeat of excuses she has to explain herself. She acted bad in high school because, she didn't tell anyone because, she continued to visit her father and go on trips with him at 18 because...I'm sorry at some point a normal person has washed their hands of their father and no longer puts themselves in consistent danger by returning to visit again and again.
Her brother seemed like he could be a prominent figure in the beginning of the story and then he just disappears. Yes, he went to boarding school but there's no further mention on his take, his memories, and in fact all bond with her sibling is shattered by her teenage years. She has completely forgotten everything until she breaks down after birthing her child and all of this starts to surface. How much of this is real? How much of this is fabricated by her own mental condition, whatever that is?
Aside from prosecuting or legal action against her father I'd like to spend one brief moment on her teenage experience with Dan. Those who have read this will know what I refer to, trying hard not to overtly spoil everything. In that regard - there would be an incredible amount of pain in what was described. I find it hard to believe that doctors were so confused they never once checked for something like what happened. Then think about how angry one would feel. How could you not say a word? How did that tragedy not invoke the terrible memories she still claimed to be blocking? That would do more to trigger her childhood than anything else could. So it doesn't even make sense. I'm no psychologist but again, please disprove me. Just read the book first so you can use examples and really explain it to me.
The entire book could be truthful. Partial truths may exist between the shattered fabric of a mentally ill person's brain. However, there is no real case to be made for 100% truth and a big, big case to be made for fiction. There are many more examples of why I feel this way but I'm quite surprised in reading the other reviews no one else even briefly mentioned the possibility that this could be a work of fiction. That we could all be being duped by a writer.
February 23, 2021
Czytałam polską wersję językową "Wszystko pamiętam, tatusiu" mającą 236 stron. To że tyle nieszczęść i tragedii może spaść na jedną osobę jest niewyobrażalne... Jedna gwiazdka odjęta za częste powtórzenia. Nie oceniam oczywiście stricte historii a bardziej jej sposób opisania.
October 6, 2024
Bardzo mocna książka, jednak niektóre pozycje nie powinny zostać wydane.
April 24, 2018
Fab book
Cud not put it down once started reading it felt so sorry for this girl and her ordeal she went through no body sAfe even with the people we are meant to trust
Cud not put it down once started reading it felt so sorry for this girl and her ordeal she went through no body sAfe even with the people we are meant to trust
May 26, 2020
Heartbreaking to read but a very important story. The author is a very brave woman.
July 28, 2012
(May contain spoilers!)
This took me quite a while to read because of everything that was happening. As soon as I got somewhere in the middle, that was when I started to get through it a lot quicker. First of all, the father is nothing but a heartless and brutal man that I feel such a heavy pity for him. There was obviously a point in his life, before he even met Katie's mother that made him the way he was after the marriage.Forgive me for saying this, but I was hoping he would be dead as soon as Katie had most of everything under her control.
But as soon as I realized, that even though she wanted the same, she couldn't even bring herself to do it. So I thought, "Death was too good for that bastard anyway" and tried to focus more on Katie's other life with her ex-husband, career, son and mother and made me see the book with a different eye. Touching to the heart and responsible for making me inspired and delighted for what I now have and not what I 'had'.
This took me quite a while to read because of everything that was happening. As soon as I got somewhere in the middle, that was when I started to get through it a lot quicker. First of all, the father is nothing but a heartless and brutal man that I feel such a heavy pity for him. There was obviously a point in his life, before he even met Katie's mother that made him the way he was after the marriage.Forgive me for saying this, but I was hoping he would be dead as soon as Katie had most of everything under her control.
But as soon as I realized, that even though she wanted the same, she couldn't even bring herself to do it. So I thought, "Death was too good for that bastard anyway" and tried to focus more on Katie's other life with her ex-husband, career, son and mother and made me see the book with a different eye. Touching to the heart and responsible for making me inspired and delighted for what I now have and not what I 'had'.
July 18, 2016
3.5
It's hard reading a book like this that is not only heart-wrenching to read; but that must have also been heart-wrenching for the author to write. And although I read it in a short amount of time there were several things that lowered the rating a little for me. Parts of the story felt very repeated and disjointed, now, this may have been due to the mental state of Matthews and therefore her inability to remember things accurately. However, I did feel that throughout parts of the story I was finding them tough to get through due to their constant repetition, and seeming exaggeration. Again, maybe this was due to her mental state causing events to come across as more severe to the author than they actually were in reality.
Ultimately though I do greatly admire Matthews for being able to share her heartbreakingly sad story with the world, as it takes much strength to be able to do this, and as a result of this I can understand where some of the repetition came from.
It's hard reading a book like this that is not only heart-wrenching to read; but that must have also been heart-wrenching for the author to write. And although I read it in a short amount of time there were several things that lowered the rating a little for me. Parts of the story felt very repeated and disjointed, now, this may have been due to the mental state of Matthews and therefore her inability to remember things accurately. However, I did feel that throughout parts of the story I was finding them tough to get through due to their constant repetition, and seeming exaggeration. Again, maybe this was due to her mental state causing events to come across as more severe to the author than they actually were in reality.
Ultimately though I do greatly admire Matthews for being able to share her heartbreakingly sad story with the world, as it takes much strength to be able to do this, and as a result of this I can understand where some of the repetition came from.
May 16, 2012
This is yet another tragic story of abuse. I ask myself everytime I read one...why am I doing this? It helps to know none of us are alone in what we feel. This woman may seem weak. Really she is strong , courageous woman. Who sets an exaple for any abused person reading it. So many times people keep quiet about an abuser. He then feels free to go on hurting the next child. Katie is a brave for speaking up. She sets an exaple for many....if they choose to listen to her story.
May 24, 2013
This book was difficult to read at times, but just as difficult to put down. I realize that it was not the best writing, however Matthews held my attention with her harrowing story. While I sometimes felt that there was no way she could have forgotten these things for so long, I also realize that I have been fortunate enough to never have experienced anything like that and maybe in order to survive she HAD to forget.
October 8, 2013
It was very depressing,it seemed like she would never come up from the depths of her mental prison. Readers always want that happy ending,to tie up all the loose ends,but unfortunately real life isn't like that,and the real truth is that she continues to strive for optimal mental health up until today. It was very uplifting knowing that she continues getting up and dusting herself off even after she has a set back.
December 20, 2013
what a horrible father she has...i think he should be kill!!
i just dont understand what status have got to do with this?
he is a well-known successful businessman but that doesn't mean he could get away with everything he had done to her. it's not fair. and why nobody did anything after she told her story?
what is her pathetic mother doing?
each chapter i read, makes me more angrier than anything coz it doesn't make sense that nobody is helping.
i just dont understand what status have got to do with this?
he is a well-known successful businessman but that doesn't mean he could get away with everything he had done to her. it's not fair. and why nobody did anything after she told her story?
what is her pathetic mother doing?
each chapter i read, makes me more angrier than anything coz it doesn't make sense that nobody is helping.
January 17, 2023
Harrowing is definitely the word. The writing was simple and to the point and I like that about this book. It was honestly horrific and awful to read, but it was also so interesting. It was raw and real and highly emotional.
April 4, 2012
I thought it was a very good book and touches the heart....
June 23, 2012
I sometimes still shiver remembering this book and the idea that this sort of events happen. It is a so hard to find words to put any kind of justice to this book.
March 24, 2013
Such an amazing story! And an eye opening story too!! Very shocking and not a pleasant topic but a great read.
September 29, 2013
although this genre of book is normally right up my street, unfortunately I found the way it was written poor and just could not get on with it.
November 14, 2013
Amazing book of girl abused by her father.
At some points in the story I started to find it a little bit fake, but over all a brilliant book.
At some points in the story I started to find it a little bit fake, but over all a brilliant book.
May 28, 2014
Katie Matthews
like other reviews : the book repeats a lot. a lot. almost gave up on it for that but I read through and it was alright. really could have been half the book.
like other reviews : the book repeats a lot. a lot. almost gave up on it for that but I read through and it was alright. really could have been half the book.
August 31, 2015
Terrible
It's hard to fathom the things these poor kid go thru ,just to please their parents especially in this case her father.how disgusting
It's hard to fathom the things these poor kid go thru ,just to please their parents especially in this case her father.how disgusting
February 3, 2016
I couldn't help but hold my breathe and at times turn away from the pages as she recounted her story . Such a brave book to write a definite journey to read.
Read
November 15, 2011Pretty good book. Usual story of a man abusing his family. Sick people.
Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews