this book changed my life. by that, i mean it gave me obsessive-compulsive tendencies as a middle schooler...
i want to start this review of by making clear that i don't disagree with the idea that your thoughts can be powerful and definitely affect you and your life. of course, if you have negative thoughts and decide you won't be good at something before you even try, you won't get very far. on the flipside, positive thoughts about yourself will only serve to make you feel better about yourself, and motivate you to keep moving. i believe in all of that, and if that's what the book was saying, i wouldn't bother writing this review, instead leaving it a few more stars and leaving it be.
but what this book says, is not that "having a positive attitude can help you accomplish your goals, feel better about yourself, etc". what this book says is that there is a "law of attraction" that listens to every single thought you think, and gives you EXACTLY what you wish for, whether it's negative or positive. sometimes, it'll even give you the OPPOSITE of what you wish for, if you don't wish for it properly (because of course this mysterious "law of attraction" plays by genie rules).
being this hypercritical of your thoughts isn't healthy. believing "if i think the wrong thing, it WILL happen" is practically a textbook OCD symptom, and selling it to teenagers like a miracle cure for their lives is extremely dangerous.
i'm just going to go through this book page by page and tell you every problem or comment i had during the reading process because knowing i would write this rant at the end was literally the only thing stopping me from DNF'ing this book from chapter 1.
i'll start at the very beginning, the crux of my biggest problem with this whole book: "Everything that happens in your life all comes down to attraction. You attract all the stuff that happens to you, every last little thing, no matter whether it's totally awesome or truly awful. It's all about you." (page 5-6)
this is already a terrible idea to send to anybody, let alone teenagers, for the reason i stated above. but let's talk about the inherent victim blaming in this paragraph! the emphasis on "every last little thing", even if it's "truly awful"... what a horrible thing to say to anybody, and i'd say the author should have thought a little harder about teenagers who are victims of abuse, assault, etc, but given text from later chapters, i fear he did consider them and willingly chose to include this awful sentence. (more on victim blaming later)
(also on page 6, "All the major religions all over the world are on board with this, including Hinduism, Judaism, Christianity, Buddhism, and Islam," which is a crazy thing to state with no source considering not even different branches within a same religion can ever agree on anything. but that's neither here nor there, and i have little interest in whether religion backs up a pseudoscience.)
(also, this isn't relevant to the rant, but on page 7 there's a quote from Donald Trump -- just wanted to point that out, not as a moral signifier but just because i thought it was funny and it caught me off guard. side note: this book was written in 2009.) (also, i will say that as i was texting my friends about the shitty book i was reading having a quote from donald trump, i suddenly heard people in the library start talking about donald trump, so, who knows, maybe that was the "law of attraction" at work, in real time, and this whole rant is for nothing because this book was actually right.)
another great quote on page 9: "[S]tuff that isn't so hot - like [...] a pimple when you're due to meet your crush - YOU attracted that too.
Okay, so you're thinking, 'How could I create a pimple? How am I attracting that?'"
acne is caused by stress. or stress contributes to it/makes it worse, i got conflicting answers. either way, it shouldn't come to a surprise to you if you get acne because you're stressed about getting acne. an unfortunate cycle for sure, but not one that needs to be explained by some mysterious force.
"No matter what you think about, it's going to happen. That's the law." (pg 11) not true, and easily disprovable. i frequently thought about setting this book on fire with my mind and it never happened. Weird! and lame, because that would've been really cool and i could probably become rich and famous for setting things on fire with my mind.
"Some people, even when they know THE SECRET, still make the classic mistake of thinking about stuff they don't want. Like:
I don't want to be rejected.
[...] But you see, in each case, they're thinking about what they don't want. If you do that, you'll stress out, you'll give off a stressed-out vibe, and then you'll attract exactly what you don't want. It's like you may as well be saying:
I want to be publicly dumped and humiliated." (pg 12) (i'm starting to realize i may have to be more selective with which paragraphs i quote but i'm not going to because i want to complain about every single piece of bullshit i find)
emphasis on overcorrection of your thoughts. you can NOT, under ANY circumstances, think this way, or you will get EXACTLY what you didn't want. this is definitely a normal way to live your life.
i will give credit where credit is due, and say this book DOES have some good advice between all the bullshit, even if it's being given for the wrong reason. for example, on page 15: "Have you ever noticed that negative, angry people who find lots to complain about [...] end up miserable all the time? [...] they're usually surrounded by other negative, angry people. That's what they attract. [...] And then there are the chilled-out, friendly people who are always looking on the bright side. They lead happy lives, and they're usually surrounded by other chilled-out, happy people."
i do think it's a reasonable message to send to teenagers to not waste energy complaining about things they can't control and not to spend time with people who are just angry all the time, so i'll give them that.
okay, now to what is arguably the worst part of this entire book!
"The other thing that occurs to people is, what's with all the bad stuff that goes down, the stuff you see on the news? Where's the law of attraction in all of that?
Well, the sad reality is, victims of tragedy didn’t ask for their fate (and they totally didn’t deserve it). They probably didn’t even know they were capable of attracting stuff. But still, there’s an attraction.” (pg 26)
such an evil thing to say! “yeah, it sucks they went through that, it’s not THEIR fault they weren’t aware that it would be their fault.” and the pathetic, bare-bones “they TOTALLY didnt deserve it though” disclaimer to get away with such a blatant victim-blaming statement. this section made me so incredibly angry i’m surprised i managed to keep reading.
okay, another area i have to give credit (and yes, i know this is a very chaotic review at this point but i’m not going to put extra effort into properly structuring a review i’m writing for free about a book i hated, sue me) is in the first half of the chapter Powerful Processes, which is all about being grateful for what you have (and what you will have) and giving thanks. again, another good message to send to teens even if i disagree with the reason they’re giving it.
okay back to the bad stuff again! (this book is seriously a rollercoaster ride) comparatively, this section about money (and people who have it) is not so bad. “[A] lot of people have this idea that money is responsible for all the bad stuff in the world. They convince themselves that money is the root of all evil, and that money corrupts. [...] But that’s not the way it really is.” (pg 76)
lol. lmao. obviously i don’t expect this teen self help book from 2009 to be like, marxist literature, but the sudden and random appraisal of rich people caught me off guard. my favorite part is when they use the statistic “People with money control 85% of the world’s wealth, yet they make up less than 10 percent of the world’s population” (pg 77) as if this is a quirky fun fact and not horrific!
i also want to note that donald trump is mentioned here again — this time as a negative figure instead of a motivational one: “[M]oney is not about getting all Donald Trump and firing people,” (pg 77). this is just a sneak peak of how hypocritical this book will get. more on that later.
more victim-blaming on page 90: “Did you ever notice that when someone rubs you the wrong way, it’s just too easy to get caught up in the blame game? You point out what the other guy did wrong - how he messed up. Truth is, you should be pointing the finger at you. Sure, he might have done something uncool, but ask yourself, what did you do to attract this scene and this behavior?
What were you thinking?”
this part is especially horrible to me because it directly victim blames the reader for something Somebody did to them. now, i’m going to share a fact with you: 1 in every 9 girls and 1 in every 20 boys under the age of 18 experience sexual abuse or assault according to RAINN, the rape, abuse & incest national network. now, forgive me if my math is wrong, but i’d say that makes it fairly likely that there was at least one teenager who read this book who had been sexually assaulted in the past, maybe even recently at the time they read it. imagine how it would feel to be a child who’s experiencing something like that, reading a book that you thought was supposed to help you, tell you to your face “if somebody was weird to you, it was your fault because of your weird vibe”. this part is just terrible and unnecessary.
…ANYWAY.
i really like the beginning of the chapter The Secret To Health. i think it actually has a really good, body-positive message that focuses more on being happy with your body as it already is instead of trying to change it into something it’s not, which is a rarity in 2000s teen media. there’s a shocking lack of fatphobia, and even encourages teens to use affirmations like “I have the ideal body type for me” and “I love my body the way it is”. i do definitely have to respect that.
the rest of this chapter, on the other hand… LOL
“You see, illness comes from stress,” (pg 116). last i checked, illness usually comes from bacteria or a virus, but hey, i’m no doctor. let’s see what else this book has to say about illness: “Realize that your own power to influence and even cure your condition rests in changing your thoughts right now. And anyone - no matter what state of chronic illness they’ve attracted - can choose to change their thoughts…NOW.” (pg 121)
i have a number of chronically ill and disabled friends and family members, and of course upon reading this statement, i told them all i have the cure to their incurable disease right here: just think about being abled!
…hasn’t worked so far, but i’ll get back to you. i’ll have to double check they’re all thinking something like “my body works perfectly fine” instead of something negative like “i’m not disabled” because, as we know, your thoughts have to be exactly right for the law of attraction to listen.
now, if you don’t mind me going back a few pages, i have a few other notes from this chapter (definitely a top 3 chapter of this book. wait, did i say top? i meant bottom 3.)
i liked this line: “[I]f you’re feeling like crud, don’t talk about it unless you want more of it.” (pg 117)
what a great message to send to teenagers; never vent about something that’s bothering you or else it’ll keep happening! just keep those negative emotions bottled up inside of you, and make sure to ignore them so you can think more positive thoughts! this one especially strikes a nerve with me because it’s something i’ve struggled with personally — whenever something terrible is happening in my life i always have this feeling that i absolutely, under any circumstances, can NOT talk about it with other people or else it’ll continue happening/get worse, which is, needless to say, a terrible, unhealthy way of dealing with things, and it’s disturbing that the author would suggest this so flippantly.
“One other thing: you can also invite illness if you’re with a friend who’s whining about their illness. As you listen, you’re giving all of your thought and focus to their illness, and when you give all of your thought to something, you’re asking for it. So guess what? You can attract their illness to you.” (page 118)
first you can’t vent about being sick, now you can’t listen to your friend vent about being sick either. Hmm…
the phrase “you’re asking for it” is so aggressive, and while this particular paragraph is just about getting sick (which, i mean… to be fair. if you hang around with a friend who’s sick… um, yeah, you’re gonna get sick too. bacteria and viruses, remember?), it brings me back to my earlier point about sexual assault — maybe a dramatic conclusion to come to, but i know i’m not alone in seeing the correlation between this phrase and the common reactions to sexual assault. like the constant victim blaming in this book has always been blatant but using this phrase in particular is just making it sound a thousand times worse, like the author has given up on pretending to care about victims of the “law of attraction”, because at this point you should know better, so he no longer has sympathy for you if something happens to you.
anyway, thankfully, despite this book being at least a little bit anti-science, and the book suggesting you can do quite literally anything you think of, it doesn’t suggest people forgo medicine for thoughts and prayers. “With medical knowledge where it’s at these days, you’d be crazy not to take advantage of all your doctor’s advice, especially if you’ve attracted some funky disease into your body.” (pg 119). yeah, you would be crazy, wouldn’t you? hmm.
well anyway, there’s that at least.
now it’s time for another hilariously outdated reference! this time to Lance Armstrong, who had “seven consecutive Tour de France victories” after getting cancer and being told he’d never ride again! what an inspiration! oh, sorry, my assistant (my cat who has access to google) is telling me something, hold on. huh… lance armstrong did WHAT? they took away all of his trophies??? oh… well…
again, not the book’s fault, it was written in 2009. but still, gave me a WILD laugh.
here’s a section that makes little sense to me: “Halle Berry was first diagnosed with diabetes after passing out on a film set. Berry was soon given the prognosis of a lifetime of insulin dependency. But through a strict combination of diet and lifestyle, Berry has the condition in check.” (pg 122)
this part confuses me because, unlike most of these little fun fact sections with examples of celebrities fighting adversity, there’s no “she got there because she believed in hearself” or “she knew THE SECRET and that’s how she dealt with it”, it’s just “she got better with a good diet and lifestyle,” which… yeah…? that’s kind of how being healthy works. maybe not diabetes (there’s quite a bit to be said irt halle berry’s diabetes but that’s neither here nor there) but still. it’s not entirely revolutionary that somebody got healthy by following a “healthy diet and lifestyle”, and it’s not really relevant when the topic is “if you think hard enough you can cure anything i promise”
okay, we are now to another bottom 3 chapter! this one, instead of blaming you for things going bad in your OWN life, blames you for… let me check my notes… Every bad thing in the world!
“[T]hey direct their energy toward the ‘bad’ stuff: the poverty, the wars, the hunger, the pollution. They see the bad stuff going down, and they feed into it — literally.” “[Y]ou certainly can’t help the world by stressing out and giving your full attention to all of the the bad stuff. Especially if it makes you feel bad. Because by doing that, through the law of attraction, you are actually adding to the problem. It’s growing as you give your attention to it!” (pg 131)
so, don’t pay attention to anything that makes you feel bad, got it. just ignore those starving kids in africa and those people dying in wars. it’ll only hurt your feelings, and if you get upset about it, it’ll happen more. because of you, 15-year-old reader!
i do agree it’s not worth sitting there being sad about what’s going on in the world — those feelings are useless if you’re not doing anything with them. like maybe going to a protest, or —
“[Y]ou should most definitely think twice about joining in any protest.” (pg 132)
oh. well okay then. not that, i guess. then how do i help people in need?
“Focus all your thoughts and power and energy on what you desire; whether that’s peace or goodwill or freedom or prosperity.” (pg 133-134)
oooohhh. that’s right. i just have to think about it really hard. but in a positive way. not in a negative way. or else it’ll get worse. and it’ll be my fault, of course.
literally thoughts and prayers, guys! (i wonder if the author has ulterior motives here…)
and with that, i’ve found most of the quotes i wanted to complain about. if anybody actually read all of that, sorry. unless you’re the author, in which case i’m not sorry and i hope you’re ashamed of yourself for feeding pseudoscience to teenagers and acting like it’s fact when it has little basis in reality or science.
i don’t doubt this book or this way of thinking has helped people, but there’s so much in this book that was at least unhelpful, if not genuinely unhealthy. when i first read this book when i was younger, i never made it past page 17 and it still affected the way i think for years in a negative way — making me obsessively correct the way i think, convincing me that if i even think of a potential negative situation, it will happen, etc. i felt a sort of obligation to finish the book out finally and put all my thoughts on it into words. so um yeah okay this book sucks bye now.
(also, just to pour some salt in the wound, and hit you with an actual fact, the wikipedia for the “law of attraction” states “while individuals who indulge in manifestation and law of attraction beliefs often do exhibit higher perceived levels of success, these beliefs are also seen being associated with higher risk taking behaviors, particularly financial risks, and show a susceptibility to bankruptcy.” so good luck, believers.)