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Hints for Lovers
Fascinating work from 1909 by the Canadian author.
148 pages, Paperback
Published June 15, 2007
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Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews
October 20, 2022
"Man does not play with love; he plays with lust" sounds somewhat fitting, and the book is full of correct conclusions regarding the secret nature of love. In Maslow's hierarchy of needs, love is at the centre of the pyramid and plays an essential role in human affairs.
For 1000s of years, we have tried to explain love's nature, but we can't, at least not rationally. This book is about the little tricks and games lovers could play to maintain a decent match.
It characterizes a woman as the ultimate anarchist since you never know precisely what her game plan is. Indeed, the perfect book on woman logic has not been written yet. It is also true that men have developed all systems we live in; women in those systems are pretty much a wild card. From the times of the Troy war that started over Helen to Platonic love to Plutarch's book on the vices of Women, men have been trying to develop a system to win women's hearts. An absolute failure must admit, man has poorly failed in solving this riddle.
His advice is somewhat ok, perhaps for Victorian England; nowadays, words used in this book cannot be understood by the majority. Matrimony has been reduced to the wedding; courtship reduced to flirting and, even worst, to swipe left or right on Tinder. From that romantic point of view is an excellent book to read to expand the vocabulary on the fine details of love affairs.
My main argument against it is that it describes women as one wild thing. On this point, I advice you to read Plutarch's Vices (Γυναικῶν Ἀρεταί) becouse he classifies woman and their traits per clan, per tribe. This means that their Ethics and Morals are inherited from the fathers and mothers of their community; therefore, they dont play a generic woman game but are very much predetermined.
His arguments against Platonic Love were not enough to dismiss the theory. However, I find it challenging to imagine Platonic love when wild sex is supposed and desired between 2 humans.
I enjoyed it; others made me think about the issue's complexity. Imagine that are out there 1000s of relationship consultants, that we analyze even horoscopes and the stars or go to fortune tellers to tell us how to win the love of another. Such a complex and impossible task these love affairs of humans are, but at least he tried to add his views and perhaps give good advice here and there.
For 1000s of years, we have tried to explain love's nature, but we can't, at least not rationally. This book is about the little tricks and games lovers could play to maintain a decent match.
It characterizes a woman as the ultimate anarchist since you never know precisely what her game plan is. Indeed, the perfect book on woman logic has not been written yet. It is also true that men have developed all systems we live in; women in those systems are pretty much a wild card. From the times of the Troy war that started over Helen to Platonic love to Plutarch's book on the vices of Women, men have been trying to develop a system to win women's hearts. An absolute failure must admit, man has poorly failed in solving this riddle.
His advice is somewhat ok, perhaps for Victorian England; nowadays, words used in this book cannot be understood by the majority. Matrimony has been reduced to the wedding; courtship reduced to flirting and, even worst, to swipe left or right on Tinder. From that romantic point of view is an excellent book to read to expand the vocabulary on the fine details of love affairs.
My main argument against it is that it describes women as one wild thing. On this point, I advice you to read Plutarch's Vices (Γυναικῶν Ἀρεταί) becouse he classifies woman and their traits per clan, per tribe. This means that their Ethics and Morals are inherited from the fathers and mothers of their community; therefore, they dont play a generic woman game but are very much predetermined.
His arguments against Platonic Love were not enough to dismiss the theory. However, I find it challenging to imagine Platonic love when wild sex is supposed and desired between 2 humans.
I enjoyed it; others made me think about the issue's complexity. Imagine that are out there 1000s of relationship consultants, that we analyze even horoscopes and the stars or go to fortune tellers to tell us how to win the love of another. Such a complex and impossible task these love affairs of humans are, but at least he tried to add his views and perhaps give good advice here and there.
February 17, 2026
“One lesson this human heart has to learn, so easy to put into words, so difficult to carry out by deed ; it is this : To get, the human heart must give. The heart eats out itself; causes its own emptiness; creates its own void. The selfish and egoistical life breeds always the vapid and vacuous heart. Would you appease your own hunger? Feed the hungry hearts around you. Do you crave fulness of joy? Give joy to the joyless. Would you fill your own cavity, satisfy your craving, attain your desire, find what you seek? Give—give—give. The more the better, for The greater the donation, the greater the repletion. Nature gives, gives lavishly, wantonly, unquestioningly. Every atom of soil, every drop of sap, goes to produce flowers and fruit and seed: root and branch and leaf are but carefully constructed means by which to transmute sunshine and soil and shower into flower and fruit and seed. No tree lives for itself. Shall, then, this human heart live for itself; gather and store up for its own delectation, for its own good? There is no such thing as one's own good: Goodness is mutual, is communal; is only gained by giving and receiving. Wherefore O frail, weak, human heart, seek thou out carefully constructed means by which to transmute sunshine and soil and showers into flowers and fruit.”
A significant portion of the book was good, thought-provoking and spot on—but beware there’s the outdated and sexist parts, too. Even in the quote which I, for the most part, agree with, I’d argue that the fact that the earth/nature is so giving in resources has led to us having taken advantage of and exploited it, and in the same vain so would a heart that gives without limits and to anybody (that would also lead to burnout, self-sacrifice, resentment). Don’t give or take limitlessly. The heart deserves mutual exchange. This is more a reminder for myself.
A significant portion of the book was good, thought-provoking and spot on—but beware there’s the outdated and sexist parts, too. Even in the quote which I, for the most part, agree with, I’d argue that the fact that the earth/nature is so giving in resources has led to us having taken advantage of and exploited it, and in the same vain so would a heart that gives without limits and to anybody (that would also lead to burnout, self-sacrifice, resentment). Don’t give or take limitlessly. The heart deserves mutual exchange. This is more a reminder for myself.
June 10, 2019
Other men, equally foolish, have regarded girls as playthings. I wish these men had tried to play with them. They would have found that they were playing with fire and brimstone.
Five stars purely for the fact that this was written by my first cousin 5x removed. I'm always determined to read anything written by a relative, no matter how many times it may make me raise my eyebrows. For something first published in 1909 it is a lot less disparaging of women than I thought it would be, but was still an interesting look at the ways men and women were conceived of at the time.
March 23, 2016
“Never play pranks with your wife, your horse, or your razor.” Excerpt From: Arnold Haultain. “Hints for Lovers.”
Few years back I read one of my literary friend, I met in Hindu Lit Festival, Jerry Pinto's book about Women and this one reminds me of it. Not because of Jerry Pinto's advice on Love but his thoughts about women are totally in contrast with what Haultain thought about the women of his period. I wish he had been more supportive of women than he has been in this book... But having said that, I must say that some of his amazing insights about love still holds its ground even after century of it's first publication.... I loved the way he has dissected the thing called Love. If not for anything, you must read it for the clarity and conviction of his thoughts in such a witty manner... though I am sure he would not have intended it to be so, as he was writing it seriously.
Well here are some of the quotes from the book to make that point...
“A man to whom a woman cannot look up, she cannot love. Yet, It is marvelous how a woman contrives to find something to look up to in a man.”
“A young man's unsophisticatedeness it is a great delight to a woman to eradicate.”
“There is something exasperatingly something-or-otherish about girls. And they know it—which makes them more something-or-otherish still:—there is no other word for it”
Few years back I read one of my literary friend, I met in Hindu Lit Festival, Jerry Pinto's book about Women and this one reminds me of it. Not because of Jerry Pinto's advice on Love but his thoughts about women are totally in contrast with what Haultain thought about the women of his period. I wish he had been more supportive of women than he has been in this book... But having said that, I must say that some of his amazing insights about love still holds its ground even after century of it's first publication.... I loved the way he has dissected the thing called Love. If not for anything, you must read it for the clarity and conviction of his thoughts in such a witty manner... though I am sure he would not have intended it to be so, as he was writing it seriously.
Well here are some of the quotes from the book to make that point...
“A man to whom a woman cannot look up, she cannot love. Yet, It is marvelous how a woman contrives to find something to look up to in a man.”
“A young man's unsophisticatedeness it is a great delight to a woman to eradicate.”
“There is something exasperatingly something-or-otherish about girls. And they know it—which makes them more something-or-otherish still:—there is no other word for it”
June 17, 2013
Early dating book - telling of the time and social structure. Some seems the same, some comments seem cynical, some are amusing at the time and to looking back. See the _The Spinster Book_ for more of the same.
Displaying 1 - 6 of 6 reviews