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Time Ninja
Andy Schoepp's Definitive Sci-Fi, Action/Adventure, Ninja Epic has arrived! The year is 2101, global warming and a depleted ozone layer are destroying the Earth. The human race lies on the brink of extinction with its only hope being a planet in another galaxy. A raging civil war reigns supreme over the technology to transport people to that planet which can save the human race. It is in this future that Master Ninja Ryu Kendo must obtain a special sword that can help him save his village from annihilation. But the raging civil war may consume Ryu's mind, body, soul and indeed his very being. Will Ryu sacrifice his village for his friends, the woman he loves and for the future of humankind? In Time Ninja , Andy Schoepp paints a vivid tapestry of an ancient, Japanese village in modern times and a future fraught with civil war, high-tech weaponry and characters fighting to stay alive with the Earth in peril of obliteration. And, when Andy Schoepp combines the ancient techniques of Ninjutsu with the high-tech weaponry of the future, it will be a battle none will soon forget! Time Ninja is a must-read epic you won't want to miss! Andy Schoepp holds a second degree black belt in the martial arts, has fourteen years of training, eight years of teaching experience and is trained in ten martial arts weapons. He utilizes this training, his research and martial arts knowledge to write riveting action sequences that leave the reader's heart and mind racing. He has also become a master of character development and page-turning plots that accompany and accent the action for an incredible reading experience.
550 pages, Paperback
First published December 27, 2010
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Displaying 1 of 1 review
August 10, 2023
If I could give his negative stars, I would. It's the worst thing I've ever read. It's written in the style of very bad self insert fan fiction written by a horny fifteen year old who would go on to become a card carrying member of the Men's Rights Association and match in straight pride parades.
The story doesn't make sense. I don't know if it's more offensive to Japanese people or women. The main character is a white American who was adopted as a baby by a Japanese man and raised as a ninja...ok fine. But also the rest of the ninja in the village don't have names and are basically slaves.
There is zero understanding of how human emotions work. Everyone goes from fine to screaming in anger/grief/whatever emotion. When her extremely elderly mother passes in the hospital, Amber (who essentially is in charge of a military battalion and was supposedly raised for this) immediately "Amber screamed 'OH GOD NO! OH NO MOM! OH GOD NO, NOOO, NOOOOO!'" - direct quote and it doesn't improve from there, including when soldiers she knows die during battle.
Adding to the list of "author doesn't know how this works" - any description of any fight scene in this book and there are many.
And finally, sex. And women in general. On ten separate occasions the phrase "formed a tight seal" is used to describe how Sabrina kisses right before her tongue gets involved and not describing how to perform artificial respiration. The phrase "French kiss" is used 25 times, which I've never heard anyone over the age of 12 use to describe a kiss. The actual explicit parts are laughable. Every description of a woman is a textbook example from one of those "Men struggle to write women" lists
Also as a side note, cancer has a vaccine in the future (except the kind caused by spending more than an hour outside in the sun) so people smoke to be cool again. Sabrina is constantly smoking and the descriptions of how she "blew out smoke" are excruciating (that exact phrase is used 15 separate times but there are others)
To be fair, I started reading this for a book.club a few years ago where we deliberately tried to find a bad book bc we thought it would be funny and none of us got more than a third of the way through. But it's been in my Currently Reading queue taunting me for three years so I finally went back to finish it.
SUMMARY
Ryu and adoptive dad Master Yushin are from a ninja village that shuns tech. There is another traditional ninja village who are there mortal enemies. master Y has a vision their village will be destroyed unless Ryu goes to retrieve a special sword from the future.
Harper, David, and Yen work for a company with a time machine and they break in to send Ryu to the future where he has to find Harper's daughter who she will raise knowing her purpose is to help Ryu. Master Y had a vision she would have a daughter. Before they go, Master Y tells Ryu it is super important he not get involved in the future's conflicts or get too close to the people
Ryu gets to the future. He immediately involves himself in an assault and saves a woman, who invites him to dinner as a thank you. Unbeknownst to him, the assault was faked because the woman (Sabrina) wanted to know wtf he was doing outside when the sun can now kill you within hours
Earth is going to explode or something so everyone is trying to evacuate to new earth.
Cut to the bad guys, Gavin Powers super rich dude, adopted two white kids he raised as ninja assassin and ninja assassin hooker. He's got an army of ninjas and has been taking mercenaries to new earth on the dl. He wants Sabrina to figure out who Ryu is and if he's a threat.
Back to Ryu, he immediately meets Hs daughter Amber, who has an 8 year old Denise. Harper is still alive but dies immediately after meeting Ryu. Amber is in charge, Shad is her right hand man. Shad agrees to let Ryu borrow his car and money even though Ryu shouldn't be going anywhere. Ryu has exactly two dates with Sabrina but now they're in love only he's going home
Ryu goes to get the sword, finds out it's in his grave whoops. Also David and Yen both die like super young. And pretty soon after he gets back to the past.
Meanwhile Sabrina and co find out they're being double-crossed so they murder the spies and then assassinate the UN president in charge of the whole world. Then they attack Ambers group.
For literally no reason, Ryu decides he's going to stay and help fight. He is trying to take out Powers, but faces his two ninja bodyguards instead..one gets away with Powers and he impales the other on his sword only to find out it's Sabrina. He promised her revenge on her death bed, Shad also died, so he goes with Amber to New Earth and kills a bunch of people. He decides he's going to go home then come back and redo it so he saves them
He gets back to the past and loses his mind and takes Harper, David, and Yen prisoner bc he needs them to send him back to the future after he saves his village. Master Y is like wtaf, but he is like 'youre not my dad anymore f you'. He saves the village, goes back to where he's imprisoned his friends, demands they send him back, and to ensure they don't bail, injects Yen with poison that will kill him in 24 hrs if he doesn't get the antidote. He knew his future people for 30 seconds and wants to give up everything to save them but is willing to murder existing friends to do it.
Except psych - right before he goes back to the future he tells Yen jk, it was saline lolz. He arrives the morning after he and Sabrina had their second date. He contacts Amber and tells her he came back - old him has to go to his grave and get the sword asap and then leave immediately after....bc now it's def a parallel universe sitch. He tells Amber he'll come in tomorrow with a guest. Amber and co not thrilled the guest is Sabrina bc she's a wanted criminal. He tells everyone he came back to save S and Shad, they use Sabrina's info on the attack. S and S are told to stay out of the fight, but Sabrina doesn't like that so she knocks.out Shad so she can go kill her adopted dad while Ryu is battling her brother. She kills Powers by dropping him from above on spinning helicopter blades, Ryu kills her brother by swinging his sword backwards through his legs like hiking a football and I wish I was kidding.
They still have one more battle for use of the shuttle, they win, they go to New Earth, the end.
The story doesn't make sense. I don't know if it's more offensive to Japanese people or women. The main character is a white American who was adopted as a baby by a Japanese man and raised as a ninja...ok fine. But also the rest of the ninja in the village don't have names and are basically slaves.
There is zero understanding of how human emotions work. Everyone goes from fine to screaming in anger/grief/whatever emotion. When her extremely elderly mother passes in the hospital, Amber (who essentially is in charge of a military battalion and was supposedly raised for this) immediately "Amber screamed 'OH GOD NO! OH NO MOM! OH GOD NO, NOOO, NOOOOO!'" - direct quote and it doesn't improve from there, including when soldiers she knows die during battle.
Adding to the list of "author doesn't know how this works" - any description of any fight scene in this book and there are many.
And finally, sex. And women in general. On ten separate occasions the phrase "formed a tight seal" is used to describe how Sabrina kisses right before her tongue gets involved and not describing how to perform artificial respiration. The phrase "French kiss" is used 25 times, which I've never heard anyone over the age of 12 use to describe a kiss. The actual explicit parts are laughable. Every description of a woman is a textbook example from one of those "Men struggle to write women" lists
Also as a side note, cancer has a vaccine in the future (except the kind caused by spending more than an hour outside in the sun) so people smoke to be cool again. Sabrina is constantly smoking and the descriptions of how she "blew out smoke" are excruciating (that exact phrase is used 15 separate times but there are others)
To be fair, I started reading this for a book.club a few years ago where we deliberately tried to find a bad book bc we thought it would be funny and none of us got more than a third of the way through. But it's been in my Currently Reading queue taunting me for three years so I finally went back to finish it.
SUMMARY
Ryu and adoptive dad Master Yushin are from a ninja village that shuns tech. There is another traditional ninja village who are there mortal enemies. master Y has a vision their village will be destroyed unless Ryu goes to retrieve a special sword from the future.
Harper, David, and Yen work for a company with a time machine and they break in to send Ryu to the future where he has to find Harper's daughter who she will raise knowing her purpose is to help Ryu. Master Y had a vision she would have a daughter. Before they go, Master Y tells Ryu it is super important he not get involved in the future's conflicts or get too close to the people
Ryu gets to the future. He immediately involves himself in an assault and saves a woman, who invites him to dinner as a thank you. Unbeknownst to him, the assault was faked because the woman (Sabrina) wanted to know wtf he was doing outside when the sun can now kill you within hours
Earth is going to explode or something so everyone is trying to evacuate to new earth.
Cut to the bad guys, Gavin Powers super rich dude, adopted two white kids he raised as ninja assassin and ninja assassin hooker. He's got an army of ninjas and has been taking mercenaries to new earth on the dl. He wants Sabrina to figure out who Ryu is and if he's a threat.
Back to Ryu, he immediately meets Hs daughter Amber, who has an 8 year old Denise. Harper is still alive but dies immediately after meeting Ryu. Amber is in charge, Shad is her right hand man. Shad agrees to let Ryu borrow his car and money even though Ryu shouldn't be going anywhere. Ryu has exactly two dates with Sabrina but now they're in love only he's going home
Ryu goes to get the sword, finds out it's in his grave whoops. Also David and Yen both die like super young. And pretty soon after he gets back to the past.
Meanwhile Sabrina and co find out they're being double-crossed so they murder the spies and then assassinate the UN president in charge of the whole world. Then they attack Ambers group.
For literally no reason, Ryu decides he's going to stay and help fight. He is trying to take out Powers, but faces his two ninja bodyguards instead..one gets away with Powers and he impales the other on his sword only to find out it's Sabrina. He promised her revenge on her death bed, Shad also died, so he goes with Amber to New Earth and kills a bunch of people. He decides he's going to go home then come back and redo it so he saves them
He gets back to the past and loses his mind and takes Harper, David, and Yen prisoner bc he needs them to send him back to the future after he saves his village. Master Y is like wtaf, but he is like 'youre not my dad anymore f you'. He saves the village, goes back to where he's imprisoned his friends, demands they send him back, and to ensure they don't bail, injects Yen with poison that will kill him in 24 hrs if he doesn't get the antidote. He knew his future people for 30 seconds and wants to give up everything to save them but is willing to murder existing friends to do it.
Except psych - right before he goes back to the future he tells Yen jk, it was saline lolz. He arrives the morning after he and Sabrina had their second date. He contacts Amber and tells her he came back - old him has to go to his grave and get the sword asap and then leave immediately after....bc now it's def a parallel universe sitch. He tells Amber he'll come in tomorrow with a guest. Amber and co not thrilled the guest is Sabrina bc she's a wanted criminal. He tells everyone he came back to save S and Shad, they use Sabrina's info on the attack. S and S are told to stay out of the fight, but Sabrina doesn't like that so she knocks.out Shad so she can go kill her adopted dad while Ryu is battling her brother. She kills Powers by dropping him from above on spinning helicopter blades, Ryu kills her brother by swinging his sword backwards through his legs like hiking a football and I wish I was kidding.
They still have one more battle for use of the shuttle, they win, they go to New Earth, the end.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Displaying 1 of 1 review