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Why Isn't a Pretty Girl Like You Married?
Yes, I'm single . . . feel free to comment.
Single women can sometimes be magnets for awkward questions…especially within the church community. With an emphasis on strong marriages and biblical childrearing, unmarried women in the church can begin to think that they are somehow on the sidelines. But this is not the case.
In this helpful volume, Nancy Wilson provides straightforward counsel and encouragement for those struggling with “the wait.” She addresses practical concerns like building a career but focuses more specifically on important relational issues such as interacting with competitive women, respecting your parents even after you’ve left their home, establishing standards for male friends, and keeping the right outlook on your life.
Whether a woman is called to singleness for a short time or for her whole life, she is called to be fruitful in God's kingdom.
Single women can sometimes be magnets for awkward questions…especially within the church community. With an emphasis on strong marriages and biblical childrearing, unmarried women in the church can begin to think that they are somehow on the sidelines. But this is not the case.
In this helpful volume, Nancy Wilson provides straightforward counsel and encouragement for those struggling with “the wait.” She addresses practical concerns like building a career but focuses more specifically on important relational issues such as interacting with competitive women, respecting your parents even after you’ve left their home, establishing standards for male friends, and keeping the right outlook on your life.
Whether a woman is called to singleness for a short time or for her whole life, she is called to be fruitful in God's kingdom.
128 pages, Kindle Edition
First published November 23, 2010
9 people are currently reading
185 people want to read
About the author
Nancy Wilson
20 books301 followersNancy Wilson (née Greensides) is the wife of Pastor Douglas Wilson, mother of N.D. Wilson, Rebekah Merkle, and Rachel Jankovic, and grandmother of seventeen who are (as yet) unpublished. She lives in northern Idaho.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 42 reviews
February 11, 2018
I loved this book from the first paragraph. It would be helpful for someone of any marital status to read to better live in the covenant community. And because all of the author’s wise tidbits on accessory topics are worth more than the price of the book. I’ll continue to read anything by Nancy I can get my hands on.
February 3, 2013
Nancy Wilson must be batty. How else could she so consistently hit the ball out of the park? ;^)
While there wasn't much in this book I hadn't already learned, most of it's stuff I'd learned through various magnificent blunders along the way. It's one of those books that makes me wish for time travel, so I could spare my younger self some stupidity-induced suffering. And some of it, while I've learned it in my head, bears repeating as I still learn to live it out.
In light of stuff I've recently written about the unmarried state, I did wonder for a moment whether Nancy and I disagreed over whether or not being unmarried is an affliction. I called it so; she says it isn't always. But I think I was speaking objectively and she, subjectively. I consider unwanted spinsterhood an objective not-good, one of the brokennesses in our fallen world. She was observing that various women experience the unmarried state as an affliction and others, not so much. So I think in substance we agree -- to have a good marriage with a good man would be objectively better, but in absence of that blessing, it's objectively better not to go around in a miasma of afflictedness. Often the felt symptoms of our affliction can be mitigated with some self-control, redirecting of our thoughts, gratitude, and living well with the blessings we do have.
I wasn't quite convinced of Nancy's dislike of the word "single" (she prefers "unmarried"). To my mind, it's just a handy shortcut to differentiating from "couple." But then again I've taken to embracing words like "spinster" and "old maid," so there's no accounting for my taste.
There is one very naughty comma in the book that I hope will be deleted before the next reprint. It's on page 36, line 6, and almost does to the fifth commandment what the wicked Bible did for the seventh. Oops! ;^)
While there wasn't much in this book I hadn't already learned, most of it's stuff I'd learned through various magnificent blunders along the way. It's one of those books that makes me wish for time travel, so I could spare my younger self some stupidity-induced suffering. And some of it, while I've learned it in my head, bears repeating as I still learn to live it out.
In light of stuff I've recently written about the unmarried state, I did wonder for a moment whether Nancy and I disagreed over whether or not being unmarried is an affliction. I called it so; she says it isn't always. But I think I was speaking objectively and she, subjectively. I consider unwanted spinsterhood an objective not-good, one of the brokennesses in our fallen world. She was observing that various women experience the unmarried state as an affliction and others, not so much. So I think in substance we agree -- to have a good marriage with a good man would be objectively better, but in absence of that blessing, it's objectively better not to go around in a miasma of afflictedness. Often the felt symptoms of our affliction can be mitigated with some self-control, redirecting of our thoughts, gratitude, and living well with the blessings we do have.
I wasn't quite convinced of Nancy's dislike of the word "single" (she prefers "unmarried"). To my mind, it's just a handy shortcut to differentiating from "couple." But then again I've taken to embracing words like "spinster" and "old maid," so there's no accounting for my taste.
There is one very naughty comma in the book that I hope will be deleted before the next reprint. It's on page 36, line 6, and almost does to the fifth commandment what the wicked Bible did for the seventh. Oops! ;^)
May 26, 2019
2019 Reading Challenge: a book about singleness
Full of wisdom for unmarried and married women alike.
Full of wisdom for unmarried and married women alike.
Read
November 18, 2012I'm not entirely sure why I picked this up, but since my bro-in-law left it and I'm always looking for books about women in society... I did pick it up.
Just a note: the title can be misleading. To me, "Why Isn't a Pretty Girl Like You Married?: And Other Useful Comments" sounds like a feminist diatribe against marital expectations forced on us by a patriarchal society. If this is what you were expecting, I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed. The content of the book attempts to address the issues Christian women often struggle with while single, and quite frankly, if you expected that Nancy Wilson, conservative author and wife of the [in]famous Doug Wilson, had penned a feminist rant, you deserve to be disappointed.
You are not the intended audience of this book.
However, that brings me to the question I kept asking myself while reading: who is her intended audience?
In her book, Mrs. Wilson often presents single women as a sort of "other"; switching her address from single women to the church as a whole (e.g. "We need them!”, pg. 27). She suggests in her introduction that unmarried women can become confused by church teachings that focus on married believers, and that they need assistance and instruction, or else they will be unable to find meaning in their unmarried life. Since Mrs. Wilson seems to be addressing this book to single women, this stance is somewhat confusing -- why is she talking about the responsibility of the rest of the church instead the responsibility of her audience? -- and insulting -- are single women really less capable and less aware than their married counterparts to understand how Biblical teaching relates to them? To address the first: Mrs. Wilson suggests many times that the responsibility is uniquely placed on the single girl (the intended audience of the book). On page 37, she asserts that “women can become vulnerable to others” who wish to lead them the wrong way, and that unmarried women are at fault when they begin to submit under men who are not God-ordained for that authority. This seems to me a simplification of the issue: women are capable of taking in advice from a variety of sources and making their own judgment; submission is not always on their minds or in their hearts.
There are many false suppositions and dichotomies Mrs. Wilson brings up: some she deflates with a well-placed scripture (pgs. 23-24), and others she bolsters with emphatic language. “Women are designed to be led” (page 38) – I disagree. PEOPLE are designed to be led, led either by the Holy Spirit or the lusts of the flesh (used by Satan for maximum destruction). She writes that women are either “easily led” (pg. 32) by church authorities, or they are “difficult and unwieldy” (Ibid). Again, I disagree. Men and women are called to submit to proper authorities, but they are also called to test what others say, and to rely on God and his gifts over and above the head of the church.
I'm beginning to believe more and more that this book is not written to me; the young, unmarried, Christian moderate. Mrs. Wilson’s stories of women complaining that single men won't invite them to "unmarrieds" social functions, and women who worry they are "unfruitful" until they're having babies, have convinced me that her audience is a small subset of conservative Christians, ones who commonly teach that marriage is the ultimate goal for their young people. Perhaps (with a lot more subject matter) her book could be made into 2 different books on the subject: one for the unmarried woman, one for the church that preaches only marriage.
Just a note: the title can be misleading. To me, "Why Isn't a Pretty Girl Like You Married?: And Other Useful Comments" sounds like a feminist diatribe against marital expectations forced on us by a patriarchal society. If this is what you were expecting, I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed. The content of the book attempts to address the issues Christian women often struggle with while single, and quite frankly, if you expected that Nancy Wilson, conservative author and wife of the [in]famous Doug Wilson, had penned a feminist rant, you deserve to be disappointed.
You are not the intended audience of this book.
However, that brings me to the question I kept asking myself while reading: who is her intended audience?
In her book, Mrs. Wilson often presents single women as a sort of "other"; switching her address from single women to the church as a whole (e.g. "We need them!”, pg. 27). She suggests in her introduction that unmarried women can become confused by church teachings that focus on married believers, and that they need assistance and instruction, or else they will be unable to find meaning in their unmarried life. Since Mrs. Wilson seems to be addressing this book to single women, this stance is somewhat confusing -- why is she talking about the responsibility of the rest of the church instead the responsibility of her audience? -- and insulting -- are single women really less capable and less aware than their married counterparts to understand how Biblical teaching relates to them? To address the first: Mrs. Wilson suggests many times that the responsibility is uniquely placed on the single girl (the intended audience of the book). On page 37, she asserts that “women can become vulnerable to others” who wish to lead them the wrong way, and that unmarried women are at fault when they begin to submit under men who are not God-ordained for that authority. This seems to me a simplification of the issue: women are capable of taking in advice from a variety of sources and making their own judgment; submission is not always on their minds or in their hearts.
There are many false suppositions and dichotomies Mrs. Wilson brings up: some she deflates with a well-placed scripture (pgs. 23-24), and others she bolsters with emphatic language. “Women are designed to be led” (page 38) – I disagree. PEOPLE are designed to be led, led either by the Holy Spirit or the lusts of the flesh (used by Satan for maximum destruction). She writes that women are either “easily led” (pg. 32) by church authorities, or they are “difficult and unwieldy” (Ibid). Again, I disagree. Men and women are called to submit to proper authorities, but they are also called to test what others say, and to rely on God and his gifts over and above the head of the church.
I'm beginning to believe more and more that this book is not written to me; the young, unmarried, Christian moderate. Mrs. Wilson’s stories of women complaining that single men won't invite them to "unmarrieds" social functions, and women who worry they are "unfruitful" until they're having babies, have convinced me that her audience is a small subset of conservative Christians, ones who commonly teach that marriage is the ultimate goal for their young people. Perhaps (with a lot more subject matter) her book could be made into 2 different books on the subject: one for the unmarried woman, one for the church that preaches only marriage.
January 3, 2013
This book has some great points and some encouraging insights, mostly in the latter portion of the book. The first 3 chapters have quite a few things I disagree with. If you want a book to encourage you in your single, unmarried years, try...the Bible. It's the best one I've read so far! :D
March 14, 2011
Let's just say I'm that secure. Oh yes I am, so, so very secure. On an unrelated note, it was superb.
January 5, 2016
Re-read January 4, 2016.
A wonderful attitude tune-up that seems only to become more applicable and relevant with time.
Read December 24, 2010.
A wonderful attitude tune-up that seems only to become more applicable and relevant with time.
Read December 24, 2010.
February 20, 2025
I liked probably 70% of this book. There are a lot of good and helpful principles, however--in classic Wilson fashion--they occasionally get taken too far.
I think this could be helpful for single women to read but you should read it at the same time as someone else so you can talk about it. Don't take everything she says too seriously.
I think this could be helpful for single women to read but you should read it at the same time as someone else so you can talk about it. Don't take everything she says too seriously.
July 28, 2015
Mixed feelings on this one. Some of it is very helpful, and there are good points to ponder. It's a nice starting place to ask yourself "what are my thoughts and emotions about being single?", and provides good biblical principles of what to do with those thoughts and feelings.
But it's so very, very traditional, like suggesting that you may not want to go to med school unless you'd be willing to walk away as soon as you get married. I completely agree that picking a career like medicine or being a professor may be a bad choice if you plan to stay home when you have children, but to just assume that that's what has to happen seems a bit extra-biblical to me. (And why on earth would you have to stop working the second you get married??? Yes, I know her answer, but I don't find it convincing.)
One of the best parts of the book is the normalizing of the experiences you may have as a single, particularly within the church, and how to offer gracious and kingdom-building responses. This does lead to a lot of vague statements "you might feel this! or you might not" (that's a paraphrase), but at least it covers briefly lots of the dilemmas and thoughts single women have.
I think overall I liked Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help it Happena little better, though both were helpful in reflecting on singleness.
But it's so very, very traditional, like suggesting that you may not want to go to med school unless you'd be willing to walk away as soon as you get married. I completely agree that picking a career like medicine or being a professor may be a bad choice if you plan to stay home when you have children, but to just assume that that's what has to happen seems a bit extra-biblical to me. (And why on earth would you have to stop working the second you get married??? Yes, I know her answer, but I don't find it convincing.)
One of the best parts of the book is the normalizing of the experiences you may have as a single, particularly within the church, and how to offer gracious and kingdom-building responses. This does lead to a lot of vague statements "you might feel this! or you might not" (that's a paraphrase), but at least it covers briefly lots of the dilemmas and thoughts single women have.
I think overall I liked Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help it Happena little better, though both were helpful in reflecting on singleness.
December 12, 2012
Thank you Nancy Wilson for reminding me how much I don't fit in as a "woman" or as a "Christian." While the book started out seeming to understand my plight as a lifelong single person, once it got to practical help, much of what she spent time on was insignificant (unless you're really concerned with outward appearance and decorating your house). I was especially looking forward to the chapter called "Are You desirable?", thinking it would speak to the common problem single women have about falsely thinking they're not married because they're not pretty enough. Actually it was about making yourself more physically attractive! And some chapters were just more opinion than biblical. I would even say she did some prooftexting and misapplied scripture totally out of context. But if you're ultra conservative and stereotypically feminine, you may love this book.
March 8, 2017
I have been thinking a lot about the topic recently and wanted to check out what my own team was saying from the end of the field that I usually didn't get to see. This seemed pretty reasonable and encouraging from a quick glance. Don't wait around for a guy. Don't get too fixated on a career that would prevent you from being a mom. Don't be discontent. You have opportunities as a single woman. Jobs are permissable. Yes, the people who ask are often offensive and thoughtless, but we do that all the time too. That kind of thing is immensely charitable.
Obviously, I'm not going to read or defend everything Nancy has ever written (heh, I don't know if I could defend everything I have ever written, even on goodreads), but it was good to know that we're putting out good products like this. Also, Canon has more products in the line-up on the topic coming soon.
Obviously, I'm not going to read or defend everything Nancy has ever written (heh, I don't know if I could defend everything I have ever written, even on goodreads), but it was good to know that we're putting out good products like this. Also, Canon has more products in the line-up on the topic coming soon.
December 6, 2010
Down to earth, blunt wisdom for unmarried women.
You are not an a useless awkward stage, you are a woman of God with a calling!
I didn't think it was as polished as "Building Her House" and sometimes almost brash, but still a wonderful, wonderful book! Loved it. Read it in a busy 24 hours.
I think the title might discouraged some girls that could really value from the book. Most teens don't want to pick up a book that says "Why Isn't a Pretty Girl Like you Married?" After all, they weren't expecting to be married yet, but this has a lot to say that would help girls before they get to the stage where they get questions like this.
Love the title, just think it might make some girls feel sort of self-conscious.
But they shouldn't. :-)
Read this book!
You are not an a useless awkward stage, you are a woman of God with a calling!
I didn't think it was as polished as "Building Her House" and sometimes almost brash, but still a wonderful, wonderful book! Loved it. Read it in a busy 24 hours.
I think the title might discouraged some girls that could really value from the book. Most teens don't want to pick up a book that says "Why Isn't a Pretty Girl Like you Married?" After all, they weren't expecting to be married yet, but this has a lot to say that would help girls before they get to the stage where they get questions like this.
Love the title, just think it might make some girls feel sort of self-conscious.
But they shouldn't. :-)
Read this book!
December 30, 2019
This book was a thoughtful Christmas gift from a woman in my church and at first it was fine. But there was a lot I didn't love. (A part of me isn't surprised now that I know that her husband is Doug Wilson, another author that I don't particularly care for.) There were a few nuggets I walked away with that I found helpful and I really did appreciate this gift. Fortunately, the woman who gave it to me said that it was totally fine if I hated it and would like to know my thoughts either way haha.
If you're looking for a book for Christian single women, I'd recommend Lydia Brownback's Fine China Is for Single Women Too.
If you're looking for a book for Christian single women, I'd recommend Lydia Brownback's Fine China Is for Single Women Too.
March 23, 2014
March 2014 - I bought this book because of the title. Of course, I knew of the author's husband, so I figured it would probably be a great book to read, but the title sold me. Over all this is one of the most helpful books I've read on Godly living as a single woman. The short chapters are winsome and too the point, and Wilson doesn't waste time with the empty assurances often found in books for singles. Instead she goes straight to the Gospel and invites other women to come along. There are a few minor things on which we disagree (nose rings? culturally immature? I think not) but the overall message of the book is so excellent that I will unhesitatingly recommend it.
January 14, 2012
Rating: 10/10
This book is my case in point to the decisions I am making as a Christian single woman. Some great practical advice. Nancy gets straight to the point and doesn't muck around. Some might find it a bit full on but because I agree with her, I liked it.
The Questions:
Entertaining?: Surprisingly yes
Addictive?: Surprisingly yes, again
Impacting?: Yes
Thought provoking?: Yes
Clean?: Yes
Read it again?: Yes
Would I Recommend it: Yes!
This book is my case in point to the decisions I am making as a Christian single woman. Some great practical advice. Nancy gets straight to the point and doesn't muck around. Some might find it a bit full on but because I agree with her, I liked it.
The Questions:
Entertaining?: Surprisingly yes
Addictive?: Surprisingly yes, again
Impacting?: Yes
Thought provoking?: Yes
Clean?: Yes
Read it again?: Yes
Would I Recommend it: Yes!
February 20, 2013
"Why isn't a pretty girl like you married?" is one of many equally painful, nosey, and unhelpful questions single ladies are forced to face on a regular basis. These questions can cut to the heart of unmarried women. How should the Christian daughter handle these questions? How should she handle "singlehood" in general? In this book, Nancy Wilson aims to provide an answer using practical advice taken from basic biblical principles.
This is one book that I found incredibly encouraging. It is full of great advice that I'm sure I will continue looking to throughout my life as a single woman.
This is one book that I found incredibly encouraging. It is full of great advice that I'm sure I will continue looking to throughout my life as a single woman.
December 4, 2012
Encouraging. There were a few eyebrow-raisers (Cultivating too-close friendships with women can lead to lesbianism? Christian parents would never tell a daughter it's time to move out on her own?), and it was prone to generalizations (Women are always motivated by relationships/emotions), but mostly solid. I did hope for a few snide answers to the title question, but of course she said to laugh it off and be gracious. ;-)
November 26, 2011
thanks to my sister for giving me a book i'd've never picked up but needed to read. It was very satisfying to hear someone in the church say the family includes sisters, daughters, n widows. The body of christ does not only have wives n mothers. It did have good reminders about attitude, thought life, forgiveness, and behavior. Yeah, life long journey always striving to be honoring n obedient.
August 3, 2015
If you're a single Christian woman worried and frustrated by your present marital status you need to read this book. I've read my share of those "singleness is a gift" books but Nancy Wilson approaches it from a fresh perspective, is witty and to the point. You'll be laughing your way through the chapters, refreshed and encouraged in your walk as a single woman of God. Read it!
February 5, 2014
Why isn’t a Pretty Girl like you Married? is a humorous, yet theologically-sound, look at some of the awkward questions and uncomfortable situations single (or unmarried, as the author prefers) women face.
Read the rest of the review at http://thenerdybookworm.wordpress.com...
Read the rest of the review at http://thenerdybookworm.wordpress.com...
May 12, 2015
An encouraging book overall, but because of different places I disagreed with the author I'm giving it a good instead of great. I would still recommend it to my fellow single sisters in Christ. The length was perfect and I appreciated the fairly short chapters on a wide range of topics. I will be skimming over this book as needed for encouragement. :)
February 18, 2012
Lovely wisdom from a lovely lady. Even if you think, "But I'm fine not being married right now--I've really got the contentment thing down"--I don't care. Read this book. You'll discover things you never knew you never knew.
May 3, 2011
Kind of an embarrassing title to be caught reading in public, but full of lots of good advice and encouragement for women (especially in contentment, cheerfulness, productiveness, etc.), unmarried or otherwise.
March 18, 2011
Awesome, possibly-mistitled book. Lots about how to be productive while you're not married: contentment, service in the church, modesty, and other issues. How to become "the kind of woman that the kind of man you want to marry would want to marry." Great stuff.
March 1, 2012
Good practical advice for an unattached young woman living in a family-centered church culture. I especially appreciate Nancy's gentleness and humor. She and her husband, Doug, always seem to get to the steady road between pendulum swings. The last three chapters are the best.
May 7, 2014
I enjoyed reading this book, and I think I would have benefited from reading it as a single person. I didn't find all of it completely relatable, but I appreciated the point that it's not necessarily a symptom of discontent to really want to be married.
March 3, 2017
This is a great introductory handbook for how to be an unmarried Christian woman. The chapters are short, practical, and full of Biblical wisdom. It's not the most in-depth look, but still very helpful.
December 18, 2010
Bravo! Superb! I'm completely loving it! I would gladly recommend this book to any and all girls/women. It is jam packed with tons of useful stuff for everybody.
July 17, 2014
Advice about living for God even when it doesn't look exactly like everyone else (thinks it should look).
June 25, 2015
Encouraging, and much less cliche than I expected.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 42 reviews