The Reluctant Miss Van Helsing

by Minda Webber

Having lived long amongst London's ton, Ethel Jane Van Helsing was an astute female who well knew her faults. Her skin was marred with freckles, her nose was too snub and her hair of a brown that reflected neither gold nor red highlights. She had a face unremarkable in its plainness. And yet...at a masquerade ball, anything could happen. There, until the stroke of midnight, even an ugly duckling could become a swan. But tonight was not for fowl play. You see, plain or not, Jane came from distinguished stock. Van Helsings. And Van Helsings didn't worry about soiling their pelisses; they were slayers. Where other young ladies were told no monsters lurked under their beds, Jane's parents had explained the often-handsome creatures lay in beds, crypts, and at balls like these. Her father, the Major, had shown her very early how to use the sharp end of a stick, where and when the sun didn't shine. Tonight, everything was at stake. Something was going to get driven very deep into a heart, or she wasn't the Reluctant Miss Van Helsing

Genres: Romance, Paranormal, Paranormal Romance, Vampires, Fiction, Historical, Humor

342 pages, Paperback

First published January 3, 2006

Reviews

[Molly Embry · Rating 3 out of 5]

There was times that I just wanted to put this book down and be done with it. I’m glad that I decided against that idea. The start of the book reminded me about the movie Hotel Transylvania 3. The Earl got on my last nerve until the very end. I almost felt sorry for Jane but also wished she had more of a back bone.

[Marsha · Rating 1 out of 5]

I can’t stand this book. I’m barely into it and I want to fling it at a wall. Besides being burdened with the treadworn plot of vampires and vampire slayers, the heroine is a plain-Jane (that’s actually her name) milksop of a heroine.

She’s bumbling, clumsy and ineffectual at the family profession. She’s been ordered to destroy three vampires and failed miserably at each attempt. The first time, she stabbed a pillow instead of the heart (because she lost her nerve and closed her eyes before striking). The second time, the vampire in the coffin was naked with a sizeable erection, causing her to run shrieking with embarrassment from the crypt (prompting her cousins to nickname her the Streak: “Don’t look now, Ethel Jane!”).

With her third vampire, she was carrying two bottles, one of brandy and the other of holy water. She gets drunk on the brandy and, instead of dousing the vampire with the holy water, screws up and hits him with contents of the liquor bottle.

The worst part is, she’s clearly smitten with her target! I don’t mind that in romances but I do like there to be a bit of mystery about it and a considerable delay in the burgeoning feelings. She’s fallen for this guy so fast, she makes Buffy Summers look like a chaste, shy maiden by comparison.

The puns are also so constant and sooo obvious. They’re no longer funny; they simply make me cringe. I know puns aren’t meant to be witty, but this book is meant to be a parody of a Regency romance not some pathetic vaudevillian routine.

What truly pains it is that I actually paid for it. It was only a dollar but it still wounds.

[Readsall · Rating 5 out of 5]

A hilarious book with many fun characters. The author is an expert with puns. You could say this is Buffy the vampire slayer in early Victorian England. A Buffy who has an aversion to blood no less. I will be reading this one again in the future.

[Ashley Nichols · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely hilarious. I need more in the series. Miss Van Helsing is caught in a compromising position trying to slay a vampire and instead is hastily married to him because it’s Victorian England.

[Latonia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Don’t take this book too seriously. It’s a very fun and light read.

[Lizzy Kiddle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was absolutely hilarious
The puns were amazing
The chemistry between our 2 main characters hilarious

[Heather Adkins · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to like this book. The plot was cute, the heroine spunky, and the writing okay...but it was, in a word, corny. And not the good kind of corny. At times it reads like a great historical romance with the flowery language often ridiculed by the general public but it's almost too much flower, giving the dialogue a farcical air. Amidst the flowery romance and historical setting, what really turned me off was the author's overuse of modern sayings. She would take well known musical lyrics or great literary sayings and tweak them with vampire slaying jargon. It went beyond funny and was just too much.

I am a fan of puns when used sparingly and only if they inspire true hilarity, but that is not the case here. Too many puns; the kind that make you shake your head in disgust. The alliteration was out of control, too, and I love alliteration! But again, in small quantities. It is way overdone.

At times, the book felt repetitive. The heroine or hero would repeat "thoughts" they'd had many times before and that made reading on a tedious process. The worst part of the book, though, has nothing to do with my own grammar preferences (which as we all know is a matter of opinion). I found the hero to be a complete douchebag. We are talking off the charts, head-up-his-own-butt, jerkoff. He's beyond nasty to the heroine to the point where you aren't rooting for them to fall in love, but for her to kick him where it counts (or stake him). He was completely irreconcilable. I hated him and was not happy at his abrupt and unprovoked turn around of attitude.

[Kirsten · Rating 3 out of 5]

jane's travails are pretty darn funny, the daughter of vampire slayers who's so incompetent that she fails, usually in a spectacular, embarrasing, and comic fashion. Minda Webber is fond of puns and quotes, but they're sort of a mishmash so if you want an authentic historical vampire story, you won't want to try this. But she is still witty....enough so that I finished reading the book. Unfortunately the book's hero, if you can call him that, is a complete jackass. It's completely baffling that she would make any sacrifices at all for such a jerk, much less a vampire jackass. I'd have PRACTICED just to stake him effectively.

[Fathom]

I loved this story. Not because it was well written but because of the comedic story of Vampire and slayer. Here is a girl who hates being a Van Helsing to the very core of her being. She wants to be a lady while her family wants her rolling around in the mud, graveyard surveillance, and staking anything that might be a vampire. Her best friend Mrs. Frankenstein gives a ball where a shot gun wedding is the end result. Little do the van Helsings realize she is now married to the very being they are hunting.
The best part of this book is the light, comic way the vampire human relationship is handled.

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this several years ago and forgot all about it until recently. The humor in this story was sort of on the corny side, but it was a decent story, particularly if you don't mind obvious endings. I've read it several times, usually when I'm looking for a fast, easy, fun read. I've never read any of the other books by this author, but I would like to at least read "The Remarkable Miss Frankenstein", as she is the best friend of the main character in this story. This story was left open for a sequel, but I've never seen one. I'd like it if there were a sequel to it, as I'm not satisfied with the end of a book if it's been left open for more.

[~TheBlasian~ · Rating 1 out of 5]

I must say that I was incredibly disappointed by this book. The simple fact is that the heroine is a poor excuse of a character. She annoyed me almost immediately upon reading the book, however I attempted to continue reading but just could not stand how very weak-willed and ditzy she was. The author even tried to give her a frank personality, but she simply did not give off the strong character build that was attempted. Even the hero annoyed me, seeing as he is supposed to be a powerful vampire with great influence, yet he was easily a victim of the heroine's dumb antics.

[Andrea · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book had so much potential! Vampire slayer meets vampire plus regency England. It's a formula for success. However, this book missed the mark. It was definitely supposed to be funny and cute. But it wasn't. Mostly because the book simply tried too hard to be funny and cute. There were way too many modern references and puns/plays on words or phrases. It was TOO much. I think I counted at least 5 different modernism turned regencyism in one paragraph. TOO much.

[Jody · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not as good as Miss Frankenstein's story but I did so enjoy getting to find out what happened to Jane. Never would have thought Asher would show back up. I was so said for Jane, dealing first with her dad's crap and then ending up her husband treating her the same way in the beginning. But of course it HAD to end well. Just curious what happens next!

[Eliza · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's a fast read. I skimmed through a great deal of it, something I rarely do. The plot didn't interest me enough to get past the plays on words. The constant word play. Word play that goes on constantly.

[Michelle · Rating 2 out of 5]

I gave it two stars because it's so not my style of book and I will probably NOT look for other books by this author...
However, that being said, it was cleverly written for a bodice-ripper, with a lot of well-done wordplay and jokes in the dialogue that made it rather enjoyable even for me.

[Danae]

I just couldn't get into it. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't get it. Hopefully someone can.

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jane Van Helsing hates blood, dirt and hurting people. Too bad her family sets her out to stake the one man she's attracted to. Hilarious moments lead her to a marriage and maybe more.

[Melanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fun read--The whole series has you laughing.

[Elaine · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was punny If you enjoy plays on words this is the one for you :)

[Sylvia · Rating 3 out of 5]

A funny and quick read. I enjoyed it's silliness.

[Cain · Rating 5 out of 5]

Asher and jane was a good couple.. they always like to say humbug. it's pretty cool.

[Casey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very cute and very funny.

[LeeAnn G · Rating 4 out of 5]

Humor done write with strange beings.

[Linda · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh, it had potential. The author is funny and quick but I prefer witty dialogue and a good story over descriptions of sexual encounters. It just needed 'more'.

[Dawn Boren · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quite funny.

[Rowena · Rating 3 out of 5]

Well, what I can say, I'm a sucker for vampires--especially if they are satirical!

[Lydia · Rating 2 out of 5]

This should have benn a much higher rating, because I liked a lot of things about the book. However, the twentieth century quotes by the dozen did my head in.

[Edward Cashley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love it it so good

[Ladyhawke1990 · Rating 4 out of 5]

I almost died laughing

[Karen Desmond · Rating 4 out of 5]

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