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COMO TENER HIJOS FELICES Y ADAPTADOS
El autor propone un programa fácil de seguir mediante el cual padres e hijos podrán emprender una vida propia que les satisfaga. Este programa incluye, entre otros, los siguientes poner al matrimonio en primer lugar, exigir obediencia a los hijos, eliminar los juguetes innecesarios y controlar las horas de televisión.
224 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1989
77 people are currently reading
322 people want to read
About the author
John Rosemond
52 books74 followersJohn Rosemond has worked with families, children, and parents since 1971 in the field of family psychology. In 1971, John earned his masters in psychology from Western Illinois University and was elected to the Phi Kappa Phi National Honor Society. In 1999, his alma mater conferred upon John the Distinguished Alumni Award, given only once per year. Upon acceptance, he gave the commencement address.
From 1971-1979, he worked as a psychologist in Illinois and North Carolina and directed several mental-health programs for children.
From 1980-1990. John was in full-time practice as a family psychologist with Piedmont Psychological Associates in Gastonia.
Presently, his time is devoted to speaking and writing. John is syndicated in approximately 225 newspapers nationwide. He has written eleven best-selling parenting books. He is also one of America’s busiest and most popular speakers and most certainly the busiest and most popular in his field. He’s known for his sound advice, humor and easy, relaxed, engaging style.
In the past few years, John has appeared on numerous national television programs including 20/20, Good Morning America, The View, The Today Show, CNN, and CBS Later Today, as well as numerous print interviews.
All of his professional accomplishments aside, John is quick to remind folks that his real qualifications are that he’s been married to the same woman for over forty years, is the father of two successful adults, and the grandfather of seven children…make that seven well-behaved grandchildren.
From 1971-1979, he worked as a psychologist in Illinois and North Carolina and directed several mental-health programs for children.
From 1980-1990. John was in full-time practice as a family psychologist with Piedmont Psychological Associates in Gastonia.
Presently, his time is devoted to speaking and writing. John is syndicated in approximately 225 newspapers nationwide. He has written eleven best-selling parenting books. He is also one of America’s busiest and most popular speakers and most certainly the busiest and most popular in his field. He’s known for his sound advice, humor and easy, relaxed, engaging style.
In the past few years, John has appeared on numerous national television programs including 20/20, Good Morning America, The View, The Today Show, CNN, and CBS Later Today, as well as numerous print interviews.
All of his professional accomplishments aside, John is quick to remind folks that his real qualifications are that he’s been married to the same woman for over forty years, is the father of two successful adults, and the grandfather of seven children…make that seven well-behaved grandchildren.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 61 reviews
March 2, 2010
I'm reviewing the copy I own, his older edition which I picked up for $2 at the library book sale. I also checked out his *new* six-point plan which he revised a few years ago, to see what I'd be missing. Some ideas were more fleshed out, but I'm glad to have this one as a reference.
This book covers much of the same material as Family Building so check that review for most of his points. His 5 points there make up the first 4 points of this book.
Point 5, then is about choosing appropriate toys since less is more. Creativity is the key with toy selection, so the more uses a toy has, the better. Legos are his idea of a perfect toy, followed closely by other building toys (blocks, tinker toys, lincoln logs), toy cars or electric trains, small plastic figures or dolls, dollhouses, art materials, and hobby supplies. This chapter also has a section about giving kids back their games, meaning all the organized sports we're signing our kids up for are much less helpful than the sandlot games when the kids were in charge. Too bad there are no sandlots left anymore-- at least our kids have plenty of recess!
Point 6 is about turning off the TV. Less television viewing results in more creativity, better behavior, and fewer ADD diagnoses. Enough said!
A great read, but I'll be interested to read his Parenting by the Book next...
This book covers much of the same material as Family Building so check that review for most of his points. His 5 points there make up the first 4 points of this book.
Point 5, then is about choosing appropriate toys since less is more. Creativity is the key with toy selection, so the more uses a toy has, the better. Legos are his idea of a perfect toy, followed closely by other building toys (blocks, tinker toys, lincoln logs), toy cars or electric trains, small plastic figures or dolls, dollhouses, art materials, and hobby supplies. This chapter also has a section about giving kids back their games, meaning all the organized sports we're signing our kids up for are much less helpful than the sandlot games when the kids were in charge. Too bad there are no sandlots left anymore-- at least our kids have plenty of recess!
Point 6 is about turning off the TV. Less television viewing results in more creativity, better behavior, and fewer ADD diagnoses. Enough said!
A great read, but I'll be interested to read his Parenting by the Book next...
September 28, 2008
Wow! How could the same man have written Parenting By the Book? This was a very engaging and helpful parenting book. His advice is inline with most of what I was taught in school and was a good refresher. There are a couple of suggestions that he gives that contradict my very "child-centered" child development philosophy education background from Meredith. But, Chad and I have quickly found with our oldest that Rosemond is right where the views contradict. For example, I was taught in school (not by my wonderful parents), that my children's misbehavior was my fault and I needed to fix what I was doing so they could behave better. While I do believe that I can create a good environment and teach correct principles, if Andrew hits Ryan, it isn't my fault. Nor is it Ryan's fault. Andrew holds soul responsibility for his behavior.
Rosemond suggests making your marriage the strong nucleus of the family, choosing to lead and be authoritative, giving your children responsibility, allowing your children to experience frustration, choosing appropriate toys, and eliminating tv until third grade.
I highly recommend this book and look forward to reading others. Just make sure not to waste your time on Parenting by the Book.
Rosemond suggests making your marriage the strong nucleus of the family, choosing to lead and be authoritative, giving your children responsibility, allowing your children to experience frustration, choosing appropriate toys, and eliminating tv until third grade.
I highly recommend this book and look forward to reading others. Just make sure not to waste your time on Parenting by the Book.
September 16, 2011
This is a great parenting book. We're not having any major discipline problems right now, but this book was still worth reading. It's definitely a conservative view point though and will most likely strike a nerve for those who adopt a more child-centered style of parenting.
July 7, 2019
When I was a teenager, I regularly read John Rosemond's syndicated newspaper column. (Yes, I was that nerdy.) Now in the midst of a new-mom parenting book binge, Rosemond's name came to mind, and I decided to read one of his books. I chose this one mostly because it seemed to be the most recent one, at least in my library system's catalog. I've often re-visited an author whom I loved in younger years and found that adult perspective takes a good bit of the shine off my opinion of him or her; however, I am astonished to find instead that I was a pretty savvy adolescent in this case. This is a fantastic parenting book!
Rosemond is an unapologetic advocate of old-fashioned parenting. His fundamental beliefs are that the parents' marriage--not the children it produces--must be the nucleus around which family life orbits, and that parents should act with authority (be "benevolent dictators") in order to raise children who can grow into resourceful, respectful, unselfish adults. To accomplish this, parents need to love their children enough to assign them chores, to say "no" to them on a regular basis, and to allow them to experience frustration from time to time. They also need to back off the scheduled sports, lessons, classes, and other events, ditch TV and its ilk, and purge the toy closet to provide fewer toys that allow for many types of creative play.
What is proposed here is an intentional, confident form of parenting. I especially liked how Rosemond framed what he called "strike while the iron is cold" and the referee principle. The former is the practice of letting children know ahead of time--not in the heat of behavioral meltdown--what is expected of them and what the consequences will be if they fail to meet these expectations. This forces the parent to have a clear plan and gives the child a fair shot at avoiding undesirable consequences. The referee principle also helps parents act decisively by simply calling the shots on misbehavior and not allowing themselves to be drawn into arguments or compromises.
Many of the suggestions focus on putting responsibility back in the child's court. Bickering siblings? Let them know that bickering will automatically land both of them in their rooms, no discussion, no excuses. They will be motivated to solve things on their own. Child doesn't want to do chores? That's fine. The parents will do them for him, but he'll go to bed an hour earlier than usual. And so on.
Rosemond is not just about strict discipline, though. He is a huge advocate of children's need for play. Real, creative, imaginative, mud-pies and oatmeal-container-castle play. More than ever, we have evidence how right he is about the detriments of overloading children with manufactured, character-branded toys and allowing them countless hours of media consumption.
All this is laid out in easily readable style. If you're inclined to love the type of parenting Rosemond proposes, you'll probably find his writing friendly and slightly humorous. If you're at odds with his proposals, I suspect he might come across as a bit patronizing or overly breezy. I did find myself wishing at times that some of his "studies have shown" comments would have been supported with actual citations of which studies he is referencing, mostly because I was curious about how recent the data is on some of the trends he cites.
The Q & A sections at the end of each chapter do not cover every likely scenario one might face, but they give a sampling of practical applications from the chapter's ideas. Every once in a while, I felt he crossed a line I would not (e.g. telling a child if he does not cease said offensive behavior that his doctor has said it is a sign he needs an earlier bedtime), but most of his solutions are direct, effective means to help children overcome their bad behaviors. And, one hopes that by internalizing his overarching themes, suitable parenting solutions can be discovered for whatever situations might arise.
The main weakness of this book, in my opinion, is that it is showing its age a bit. While this doesn't affect the essence of the advice Rosemond gives, it is slightly awkward to read examples about threatening to take away a teenager's CD collection. The dire warnings about TV and video games are by no means irrelevant to the current times, but one staggers to consider how much worse things are now with all kinds of portable screens invading every corner of life.
But whatever The New Six-Point Plan lacks in up-to-date data and examples, it more than makes up for in timeless parenting principles. I'd very much like to be the kind of loving, authoritative parent described in its pages.
Rosemond is an unapologetic advocate of old-fashioned parenting. His fundamental beliefs are that the parents' marriage--not the children it produces--must be the nucleus around which family life orbits, and that parents should act with authority (be "benevolent dictators") in order to raise children who can grow into resourceful, respectful, unselfish adults. To accomplish this, parents need to love their children enough to assign them chores, to say "no" to them on a regular basis, and to allow them to experience frustration from time to time. They also need to back off the scheduled sports, lessons, classes, and other events, ditch TV and its ilk, and purge the toy closet to provide fewer toys that allow for many types of creative play.
What is proposed here is an intentional, confident form of parenting. I especially liked how Rosemond framed what he called "strike while the iron is cold" and the referee principle. The former is the practice of letting children know ahead of time--not in the heat of behavioral meltdown--what is expected of them and what the consequences will be if they fail to meet these expectations. This forces the parent to have a clear plan and gives the child a fair shot at avoiding undesirable consequences. The referee principle also helps parents act decisively by simply calling the shots on misbehavior and not allowing themselves to be drawn into arguments or compromises.
Many of the suggestions focus on putting responsibility back in the child's court. Bickering siblings? Let them know that bickering will automatically land both of them in their rooms, no discussion, no excuses. They will be motivated to solve things on their own. Child doesn't want to do chores? That's fine. The parents will do them for him, but he'll go to bed an hour earlier than usual. And so on.
Rosemond is not just about strict discipline, though. He is a huge advocate of children's need for play. Real, creative, imaginative, mud-pies and oatmeal-container-castle play. More than ever, we have evidence how right he is about the detriments of overloading children with manufactured, character-branded toys and allowing them countless hours of media consumption.
All this is laid out in easily readable style. If you're inclined to love the type of parenting Rosemond proposes, you'll probably find his writing friendly and slightly humorous. If you're at odds with his proposals, I suspect he might come across as a bit patronizing or overly breezy. I did find myself wishing at times that some of his "studies have shown" comments would have been supported with actual citations of which studies he is referencing, mostly because I was curious about how recent the data is on some of the trends he cites.
The Q & A sections at the end of each chapter do not cover every likely scenario one might face, but they give a sampling of practical applications from the chapter's ideas. Every once in a while, I felt he crossed a line I would not (e.g. telling a child if he does not cease said offensive behavior that his doctor has said it is a sign he needs an earlier bedtime), but most of his solutions are direct, effective means to help children overcome their bad behaviors. And, one hopes that by internalizing his overarching themes, suitable parenting solutions can be discovered for whatever situations might arise.
The main weakness of this book, in my opinion, is that it is showing its age a bit. While this doesn't affect the essence of the advice Rosemond gives, it is slightly awkward to read examples about threatening to take away a teenager's CD collection. The dire warnings about TV and video games are by no means irrelevant to the current times, but one staggers to consider how much worse things are now with all kinds of portable screens invading every corner of life.
But whatever The New Six-Point Plan lacks in up-to-date data and examples, it more than makes up for in timeless parenting principles. I'd very much like to be the kind of loving, authoritative parent described in its pages.
April 5, 2023
Full of common sense. Having recognized a lot of this advice in my own upbringing, I can say it works.
I did have to laugh a bit about the advice against teaching young boys to high-five, but I guess I see his point.
His advice against putting kids into organized sports definitely came from a "boys" perspective. Organized sports can be good for the minority of athletic girls who start getting actively excluded from boys' groups around the tween years. Not only that, but competition just seems to work differently between girls than it does between boys, in a way that I think is actually helped by the imposed structure.
Also, he seems to assume that most neighborhoods are going to have a decent number of similarly aged kids who will be playing outside unsupervised. As much as I wish that were the case, I don't think it is anymore, especially considering his claim that too much supervision, parental anxiety, and TV-watching are the norm. It may be in some areas that organized sports are the best way for kids to find other kids outside of school.
Otherwise, this book has helped to shape my instincts around what I'm doing with my own young children. Very helpful!
I did have to laugh a bit about the advice against teaching young boys to high-five, but I guess I see his point.
His advice against putting kids into organized sports definitely came from a "boys" perspective. Organized sports can be good for the minority of athletic girls who start getting actively excluded from boys' groups around the tween years. Not only that, but competition just seems to work differently between girls than it does between boys, in a way that I think is actually helped by the imposed structure.
Also, he seems to assume that most neighborhoods are going to have a decent number of similarly aged kids who will be playing outside unsupervised. As much as I wish that were the case, I don't think it is anymore, especially considering his claim that too much supervision, parental anxiety, and TV-watching are the norm. It may be in some areas that organized sports are the best way for kids to find other kids outside of school.
Otherwise, this book has helped to shape my instincts around what I'm doing with my own young children. Very helpful!
August 9, 2024
The six points are good. Really. You should read them off the back of the book. If that feels insufficient, the first 3 pages or so of every chapter (one for each point) are also great. But when you go much beyond that you will invariably encounter some version of “if it wasn’t done in the 1950s, it’s no good. In one chapter this takes on a fun variation where he says a 2 income household only leads to more debt, and if we really cared about supervising our kid, only one parent would work. 🫡
Also, call me crazy, but I would have loved to see some references or evidence for any of the many time he says “research (has/has not) demonstrated ___”. Some of the statements he uses to fill in that blank are insanely broad.
Also, call me crazy, but I would have loved to see some references or evidence for any of the many time he says “research (has/has not) demonstrated ___”. Some of the statements he uses to fill in that blank are insanely broad.
October 21, 2021
Solid information and good research presented. This is certainly a counter cultural approach to parenting but it is better than many vogue parenting styles so many take after now.
“The secret to raising a happy, successful child is to give more attention to your marriage than you give to your child—a lot more, in fact. If you succeed at that, you will have given your child the greatest gift of all.”
“The secret to raising a happy, successful child is to give more attention to your marriage than you give to your child—a lot more, in fact. If you succeed at that, you will have given your child the greatest gift of all.”
February 14, 2018
Just what my family needed!
This book has already change the way our kids behave them selves in the first week or two of following the information in this book. My wife and I are no longer societal parenting sheep! We have been awoken thanks to this book and our children will be the ones to prosper.
This book has already change the way our kids behave them selves in the first week or two of following the information in this book. My wife and I are no longer societal parenting sheep! We have been awoken thanks to this book and our children will be the ones to prosper.
April 20, 2018
So helpful
Although there’s a lot to swallow and I didn’t agree with everything, it was well worth the read! And I think the overall theme of the book is right on the money. I’m currently using the ticket system with my kids (5 and 4) and am sneakily taking away TV.
Although there’s a lot to swallow and I didn’t agree with everything, it was well worth the read! And I think the overall theme of the book is right on the money. I’m currently using the ticket system with my kids (5 and 4) and am sneakily taking away TV.
September 10, 2018
Some really great, important things I needed to hear, and at times funny. Also some nutzo bits.
February 14, 2019
Despite having comic sans on the cover, this is a good, refreshingly old-school view of parenting. I don’t agree with 100% of the things he says, but there are some great take-always here
September 21, 2023
I love all things John Rosemond, and this was no exception. His points are just so practical and sensible. The older I (and my child) get, the more his ways make sense to me.
March 19, 2015
I should probably read parenting books all the time. Not because I don't know what I'm doing (eh, that's kind of true), but just because parenting is a job that takes constant work, a job that I hope to always progress at, and there are always so many reminders and so much support in parenting books.
Husband and I read John Rosemond's article all the time and usually agree with him and each other, so I knew what I was in for with this book. He focuses his attention on the parent-centered family (as opposed to making kids the center of your lives, your houses, etc.); the voice of authority (don't bother being a democracy); the roots of responsibility (in two parts: children should have duties around the house AND be held accountable for their behavior); the fruits of frustration (for Pete's sake, let your kids do things on their own and figure things out for themselves, even if that means they get frustrated); toys and play (imagination, step right up; parents and electronic toys, back off); television, computers, and video games (evil).
For the most part, I do agree with John Rosemond. Reading this book was a helpful reminder, especially for a mom of a toddler, that I need to speak with more authority. Be clear and concise! It also got me thinking about discipline (punishments don't have to be fair), chores (already there), money (we'll get there eventually), and even how much time I devote to playing with my toddler. Toddler Girl does play by herself for good stretches of time when I'm doing things around the house (cooking and cleaning), but it's rare that I ask her to let Mommy have reading time, etc. That's okay to do(?)! While I like to spend more than 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes in the evening giving her my undivided attention (Rosemond says that amount is okay, which I feel like, REALLY?!), it is important (especially with Baby Boy coming soon) that I sometimes tell Toddler Girl, "No, Mommy's busy. Go play by yourself now."
Two parts that I felt were weak in the book, one because it was genuinely weak and the other because I don't completely agree :) Rosemond talks about his group of friends playing ball in the local sandlot, figuring out amongst other kids how to play, cheer, referee, and compete. That doesn't happen as much anymore and Rosemond is also disappointed with the amount of adult-driven competitive activities. His solution is to give games back to the kids. That's pretty much all he says about it. Don't sign up your kids for activities and let kids have their games back. But John Rosemond, this is not a practical solution. Should my kid alone not be in activities and somehow coral the other kids to the sandlot?
I don't think TV, etc., is evil. Yes, I have noticed my kid gets cranky if she gets too much screen time. But my pediatrician recommended no more than 2 hours and that's what we stick with (even if you don't believe I'm counting honestly, John). I've seen her grasp concepts through songs that TV characters do that I wouldn't have bothered to teach her yet because I thought she wasn't ready (waiting her turn, colors). Or there have been lessons I did teach her that TV just reinforced. Or she took an interest in something because of the combination of TV, books, and stuff I've showed her, and that kicked us off in the right direction (hello, potty-training). And as my mother reminds me all the time when I start to worry about the evils of TV, I watched TV constantly. I don't want my kid to watch constantly, and I'm certainly not like that one mom that wrote in, admitting that her under 2-year-old was watching six hours of TV, so I'll only half agree with John Rosemond on this one.
In general, Rosemond says things I don't think quite apply to toddlers, so you have to read it and decide what's right for you and your family, now or later. (For example, instead of TV, send your kid outside to make mudpies. But John...my child is two and can't be alone outside.)
In the end, I have the belief that everything will turn out okay with my kids, even if I don't do things perfectly. As Rosemond points out a couple of times, he had different parenting philosophies when his kids were young. They watched TV when they were young. Etc. But he now goes with this philosophy and though he started later (I think his kids were roughly 10 and six?), his kids are terrific (according to him). Also, I think Willie, John's wife is the main brains behind all of this and I salute her.
If you want to read some old-school, down-to-earth parenting advice, go with Rosemond!
Husband and I read John Rosemond's article all the time and usually agree with him and each other, so I knew what I was in for with this book. He focuses his attention on the parent-centered family (as opposed to making kids the center of your lives, your houses, etc.); the voice of authority (don't bother being a democracy); the roots of responsibility (in two parts: children should have duties around the house AND be held accountable for their behavior); the fruits of frustration (for Pete's sake, let your kids do things on their own and figure things out for themselves, even if that means they get frustrated); toys and play (imagination, step right up; parents and electronic toys, back off); television, computers, and video games (evil).
For the most part, I do agree with John Rosemond. Reading this book was a helpful reminder, especially for a mom of a toddler, that I need to speak with more authority. Be clear and concise! It also got me thinking about discipline (punishments don't have to be fair), chores (already there), money (we'll get there eventually), and even how much time I devote to playing with my toddler. Toddler Girl does play by herself for good stretches of time when I'm doing things around the house (cooking and cleaning), but it's rare that I ask her to let Mommy have reading time, etc. That's okay to do(?)! While I like to spend more than 15 minutes in the morning and 15 minutes in the evening giving her my undivided attention (Rosemond says that amount is okay, which I feel like, REALLY?!), it is important (especially with Baby Boy coming soon) that I sometimes tell Toddler Girl, "No, Mommy's busy. Go play by yourself now."
Two parts that I felt were weak in the book, one because it was genuinely weak and the other because I don't completely agree :) Rosemond talks about his group of friends playing ball in the local sandlot, figuring out amongst other kids how to play, cheer, referee, and compete. That doesn't happen as much anymore and Rosemond is also disappointed with the amount of adult-driven competitive activities. His solution is to give games back to the kids. That's pretty much all he says about it. Don't sign up your kids for activities and let kids have their games back. But John Rosemond, this is not a practical solution. Should my kid alone not be in activities and somehow coral the other kids to the sandlot?
I don't think TV, etc., is evil. Yes, I have noticed my kid gets cranky if she gets too much screen time. But my pediatrician recommended no more than 2 hours and that's what we stick with (even if you don't believe I'm counting honestly, John). I've seen her grasp concepts through songs that TV characters do that I wouldn't have bothered to teach her yet because I thought she wasn't ready (waiting her turn, colors). Or there have been lessons I did teach her that TV just reinforced. Or she took an interest in something because of the combination of TV, books, and stuff I've showed her, and that kicked us off in the right direction (hello, potty-training). And as my mother reminds me all the time when I start to worry about the evils of TV, I watched TV constantly. I don't want my kid to watch constantly, and I'm certainly not like that one mom that wrote in, admitting that her under 2-year-old was watching six hours of TV, so I'll only half agree with John Rosemond on this one.
In general, Rosemond says things I don't think quite apply to toddlers, so you have to read it and decide what's right for you and your family, now or later. (For example, instead of TV, send your kid outside to make mudpies. But John...my child is two and can't be alone outside.)
In the end, I have the belief that everything will turn out okay with my kids, even if I don't do things perfectly. As Rosemond points out a couple of times, he had different parenting philosophies when his kids were young. They watched TV when they were young. Etc. But he now goes with this philosophy and though he started later (I think his kids were roughly 10 and six?), his kids are terrific (according to him). Also, I think Willie, John's wife is the main brains behind all of this and I salute her.
If you want to read some old-school, down-to-earth parenting advice, go with Rosemond!
July 22, 2015
I must admit, I never read the old Six Point Plan for Raising Happy, Healthy, Children by Dr. Rosemond. I assume that the “points” are the same as in the original edition, but that the newer book has more supporting research and anecdotes to validate his recommendations. So, first the basics: this “new” edition is well written with clear, approachable language; it is practical in layout, with part of each chapter including a question and answer format; it is not full of psychological jargon, thank goodness; and even though Dr. Rosemond does not provide footnotes, I have to assume that he is accurately summarizing and paraphrasing the research which he references.
Now to some of the solutions to parenting problems that he stresses in the book. Dr. Rosemond provides what he sees as easy answers to many behavior problems parents may encounter. If you have children who don’t listen and are prone to whining, he thinks it is likely that your discipline is failing and that your child is getting too much attention. If you have a child with ADHD, he believes that the TV and video games are likely the culprit; he recommends getting rid of them and the problem may be solved. If your child is self-centered, Dr. Rosemond thinks you are giving them too many “things.” He contends that if a child can’t entertain himself, he probably has too many toys and outlets for amusement. All these circumstances may be true for certain children, but certainly not all.
Readers need to be for warned that this book is full of Dr. Rosemond’s own opinions, replete with “in your face” classic Dr.Rosemond style. I am sure his blunt advice will rub many readers the wrong way. I think the reason for this is Dr. Rosemond’s insistence on only paying attention to the limit-setting side of the successful parenting formula and ignoring the leadership-love side. Yes, limits need to be set, I totally agree, and a child needs to provide labor for his or her family, and TV and video games are undoubtedly a negative force in some children’s lives, but equally important to a child’s healthy psychological development are a parents’ ability to provide consistent love and acceptance, making children feel needed, creating an atmosphere where children want to please their parents, and setting a good example for children to model. I am sure Dr. Rosemond understands how important leadership is to parenting, but I think he needs to articulate it more as he gives parenting advice. Maybe he will do exactly that in the New-New Six Point Guide to Raising Happy, Healthy Children… the next edition? In my opinion, that would make a good book into a great one. I give him four Doc Smo stars on this edition. Until next time.
- See more at: http://www.docsmo.com/the-new-6-point...
Now to some of the solutions to parenting problems that he stresses in the book. Dr. Rosemond provides what he sees as easy answers to many behavior problems parents may encounter. If you have children who don’t listen and are prone to whining, he thinks it is likely that your discipline is failing and that your child is getting too much attention. If you have a child with ADHD, he believes that the TV and video games are likely the culprit; he recommends getting rid of them and the problem may be solved. If your child is self-centered, Dr. Rosemond thinks you are giving them too many “things.” He contends that if a child can’t entertain himself, he probably has too many toys and outlets for amusement. All these circumstances may be true for certain children, but certainly not all.
Readers need to be for warned that this book is full of Dr. Rosemond’s own opinions, replete with “in your face” classic Dr.Rosemond style. I am sure his blunt advice will rub many readers the wrong way. I think the reason for this is Dr. Rosemond’s insistence on only paying attention to the limit-setting side of the successful parenting formula and ignoring the leadership-love side. Yes, limits need to be set, I totally agree, and a child needs to provide labor for his or her family, and TV and video games are undoubtedly a negative force in some children’s lives, but equally important to a child’s healthy psychological development are a parents’ ability to provide consistent love and acceptance, making children feel needed, creating an atmosphere where children want to please their parents, and setting a good example for children to model. I am sure Dr. Rosemond understands how important leadership is to parenting, but I think he needs to articulate it more as he gives parenting advice. Maybe he will do exactly that in the New-New Six Point Guide to Raising Happy, Healthy Children… the next edition? In my opinion, that would make a good book into a great one. I give him four Doc Smo stars on this edition. Until next time.
- See more at: http://www.docsmo.com/the-new-6-point...
April 27, 2024
John Rosemond offers a style of parenting that is pretty radical by today’s standards. His overall premise is that 1) the family’s foundation is based on the marriage, not the child; and that 2) we should be raising our children to be completely self-sufficient by the time they reach their 18th birthday.
The book is logical and very easy to read (it’s just over 300 pages, but could be read in an afternoon if you really wanted). Within this easy to read format, Rosemond gives his seven major points, all of which fit neatly into the two main concepts above. The way that the author lays out his main point and then gives credible evidence is appreciated. Even better, he adds dozens of difficult questions that he has received over the years that speak to each point, with concrete solutions that easily tie back to his main themes (see paragraph one above). Also, he uses his own early parenting failures as examples, giving him even more credibility.
I found that I whole-heartedly agree with about 85-90% of what the author puts forward, and can see his point on the remaining 10-15%. He addresses everything from kids who won’t eat their dinner, to enrolling kids in a multitude of sports while the parents go crazy trying to manage their schedule, to open defiance in the teenage years…each situation (and solution) is related back to the marriage (i.e. relationship) of the parents and children becoming self-sufficient.
Let me say that I know first-hand how difficult parenting can be, and that I appreciate (meaning I both understand and value) that there are millions of different parenting styles and norms. However, this book is well worth paying $5 and reading it on Amazon. It will, if nothing else, put things into perspective and help you to figure out what you think is most important.
The book is logical and very easy to read (it’s just over 300 pages, but could be read in an afternoon if you really wanted). Within this easy to read format, Rosemond gives his seven major points, all of which fit neatly into the two main concepts above. The way that the author lays out his main point and then gives credible evidence is appreciated. Even better, he adds dozens of difficult questions that he has received over the years that speak to each point, with concrete solutions that easily tie back to his main themes (see paragraph one above). Also, he uses his own early parenting failures as examples, giving him even more credibility.
I found that I whole-heartedly agree with about 85-90% of what the author puts forward, and can see his point on the remaining 10-15%. He addresses everything from kids who won’t eat their dinner, to enrolling kids in a multitude of sports while the parents go crazy trying to manage their schedule, to open defiance in the teenage years…each situation (and solution) is related back to the marriage (i.e. relationship) of the parents and children becoming self-sufficient.
Let me say that I know first-hand how difficult parenting can be, and that I appreciate (meaning I both understand and value) that there are millions of different parenting styles and norms. However, this book is well worth paying $5 and reading it on Amazon. It will, if nothing else, put things into perspective and help you to figure out what you think is most important.
August 13, 2012
The only issue I have with Rosemond's books is if you happen to read all of them, after a while they are a bit repetitive. I have been reading his column for years and completely agree with about 99% of his thought process when it comes to child rearing. Now, when my pediatrician actually referred me to his books when my son was born, it made me feel even better about my choice of using his principals. Plain and simple common sense. I love the fact that he tries to hammer in the idea that the end goal...our true job as parents...is to raise healthy, responsible, respectful, self sufficient adults that will eventfully have a life of their own and need to have the proper tools to manage that life...through easy times and not so easy times. And we need to give them those tools, build as a strong foundation, during their short time with us. They are not kids forever and we need to prepare them for that. Those "tools" range from being able to stand for what is right, having integrity, a strong work ethic, balancing a check book to being able to do laundry, mow the lawn, even cook a simple meal, etc. at an early age. His thought process is not for everyone, that's for sure. But it works for me. It is about creating last memories with your children, loving times, fun times, etc focus less on the material things and create memories as a family...but always with a goal of teaching them to help themselves. The only way a child is going to learn to stand on their own two feet is by putting some weight on their shoulders.
September 9, 2013
I wasn't sure I was going to learn anything new from this one, but it was recommended so I gave it a go. For people like my husband for whom parenting just comes intuitively, it might not be helpful. I saw it as more of a reminder of the best way to parent, not exactly a fountain of new information.
Rosemond, as if he was jotting notes for the book while looking through my kitchen window during dinnertime, does make some good points about child-rearing do's and dont's. He stresses first and foremost that today's families have sacrificed the importance of the husband and wife roles in favor of the roles of "breadwinner" and "mother". When children's needs and wants are placed above the needs of the husband and wife relationship, the family becomes unbalanced and the self-esteem and security of the children actually suffer. By treating the family as a democracy instead of establishing the parents as benevolently authoritative, we as Americans are accidentally raising self-centered, irresponsible future adults.
Although some of Rosemond's wording delved into the realm of "psycho-babble" to me, I enjoyed the comparisons Rosemond made between the use of coddling, persuading and threatening to gain obedience from our children to how a referee or a business enforces rules. We should just hand over the rules without emotions and pleading, etc. and expect obedience. The refs do or the game quickly gets out of hand. Overall, interesting and a good reminder to not feel guilty for putting my husband and me where we belong: at the top of the priority list.
Rosemond, as if he was jotting notes for the book while looking through my kitchen window during dinnertime, does make some good points about child-rearing do's and dont's. He stresses first and foremost that today's families have sacrificed the importance of the husband and wife roles in favor of the roles of "breadwinner" and "mother". When children's needs and wants are placed above the needs of the husband and wife relationship, the family becomes unbalanced and the self-esteem and security of the children actually suffer. By treating the family as a democracy instead of establishing the parents as benevolently authoritative, we as Americans are accidentally raising self-centered, irresponsible future adults.
Although some of Rosemond's wording delved into the realm of "psycho-babble" to me, I enjoyed the comparisons Rosemond made between the use of coddling, persuading and threatening to gain obedience from our children to how a referee or a business enforces rules. We should just hand over the rules without emotions and pleading, etc. and expect obedience. The refs do or the game quickly gets out of hand. Overall, interesting and a good reminder to not feel guilty for putting my husband and me where we belong: at the top of the priority list.
October 14, 2013
I wish I had found this book two years ago. I have just had the best two weeks with my nearly four old since she turned two. The program is not so much a program as a paradigm shift, and I am finding it hard to get out of the habit of yelling at my kids and feeling overwhelmed, but I just stop and remember, this doesn't have to be hard. The book is similar to another book that felt empowering to me, The Blessing of Skinned Knee, but it gives practical ways of implementing discipline, which is what I was lacking. The author isn't very gentle in his presentation (I am now reading The Well Behaved Child and he is even more blunt in that one) but maybe he feels has to use this approach to get his point across. As with any book, I don't agree with everything 100%, but I think his general ideas right on, and I hoped have changed this household for the better, for good.
April 16, 2008
I enjoyed this book. It's an easy read. Some recommendations I agreed with...
Think of a consequence for misbehavior before the situation comes up. Assigning chores teaches responsibility and helps kids feel needed in the family. Putting your marriage first gives children security. Children need to learn to entertain themselves with "high play value" toys that use the imagination, and spend less time with toys that don't encourage creative play. Good toys are legos, tinker toys, lincoln logs, play dough, paints, paper, crayons, dolls, dollhouses, blocks, ect. For older children he recommends toys that encourage a hobby. No TV for any children under 8. He says it destroys their attention span. (My kids still watch TV, just not as much.)
Think of a consequence for misbehavior before the situation comes up. Assigning chores teaches responsibility and helps kids feel needed in the family. Putting your marriage first gives children security. Children need to learn to entertain themselves with "high play value" toys that use the imagination, and spend less time with toys that don't encourage creative play. Good toys are legos, tinker toys, lincoln logs, play dough, paints, paper, crayons, dolls, dollhouses, blocks, ect. For older children he recommends toys that encourage a hobby. No TV for any children under 8. He says it destroys their attention span. (My kids still watch TV, just not as much.)
September 26, 2009
It was a great book to really make me think about parenting. Seems odd that I 'parent' everyday, but rarely give it a lot of thought. I didn't agree with everything that he said, one point in particular that he made was that if a child is an only child they should be in daycare no later than age 3. He also says children shouldn't watch any TV at all until they are 6 or 7. I might believe that in theory, but don't know that I could ever actually put it into practice. I do try to limit TV, but I don't mind a little. I think the biggest thing I took away from the book was just the need for more creative play. It was an easy read and good for me to get a few new ideas. Definitely worth the time.
August 19, 2014
I do not like this man. I do not like this man for the same reasons I do not like Dr. Dobson. His tone is patronizing and often unkind. And, like Dobson, while other people parent terribly, he was raised perfectly. His mother was a saint. And he, in turn, raised perfect children with the help of extraordinarily wise wife. Well bully for you John Rosemond.
However, I must emphasize, the chapters on toys and television I happen to agree with. Less toys, less tv time, more use of imagination. This rang true for me. However, there are a LOT of parenting books out there, and if you're looking for good advice on parenting in the 21st century, there are other less self-satisfied authors who have good things to say.
However, I must emphasize, the chapters on toys and television I happen to agree with. Less toys, less tv time, more use of imagination. This rang true for me. However, there are a LOT of parenting books out there, and if you're looking for good advice on parenting in the 21st century, there are other less self-satisfied authors who have good things to say.
May 2, 2010
A practical, no-nonsense guide to parenting that stresses 6 points:
1. The parent-centered family
2. The voice of authority
3. The roots of responsibility
4. The fruits of frustration
5. Toys and play: the right stuff
6. Television and children: more than meets the eye
Its focus is on raising respectful, responsible children who are given boundaries and are not given everything they ask for. It reiterates that television is terrible for you and encourages more play time with simple, yet inventive and creative toys.
It's a fairly quick read; nothing I didn't already know, but a reinforcement of what I have learned to be true myself.
1. The parent-centered family
2. The voice of authority
3. The roots of responsibility
4. The fruits of frustration
5. Toys and play: the right stuff
6. Television and children: more than meets the eye
Its focus is on raising respectful, responsible children who are given boundaries and are not given everything they ask for. It reiterates that television is terrible for you and encourages more play time with simple, yet inventive and creative toys.
It's a fairly quick read; nothing I didn't already know, but a reinforcement of what I have learned to be true myself.
October 6, 2008
I appreciated many of his suggestions, and agree with his basic premise that our job as parents is the help our children become self-sufficient, functioning adults. I was a little taken aback at some of his suggestions on how to accomplish this goal. He seemed fine with dropping the kids off at daycare if mom wants (not needs) to work to fulfill her personal dreams. If nothing else, reading parenting books gives me hope and motivation to keep trying, even if I don't necessarily agree with the methods and techniques presented in each book I read.
November 12, 2009
I wish every parent would read this book and I recommend this book to any parent. When I first started reading it (the 1989 version) I was surprised at how few notes I was taking. A few of the things he talked about we had already learned out of desperation (how I could have used this book back then!). I appreciate that he is direct and the six points he discusses bring parenting back to the simple and basic. Super sensitive parents may find his approach off-putting, but I think it's necessary. I'm going to check out the updated version and if it's still as good, it's a purchase for me.
December 31, 2013
Absolutely loved this book! I just bought it online so I could have my own copy to dog ear and underline as much as I want. Rosemond addressed every problem we are having with Graham right now and talked about exactly how to fix it. He does have a very strong point of view on how to raise children that could definitely rub people the wrong way so be ready for that. I didn't 100% agree with all his ideas, but for the most part, I couldn't read the book fast enough and am so excited to start implementing the things I've learned.
October 23, 2015
This was recommended to me by a friend and I'm glad that I read it. Rosemond is completely unconventional in his advice (at least by today's standards) but entirely logical. I'll definitely be implementing some of his suggestions in my own parenting style.
Rosemond isn't for everyone. His advice runs counter to all of the pop-psychology parenting so prevalent today, but that's what makes it so valuable, in my opinion. I'd recommend this book to anyone who wants to raise a happy, healthy child. Just make sure you read it with an open mind.
Thanks for taking the time to read my review.
Rosemond isn't for everyone. His advice runs counter to all of the pop-psychology parenting so prevalent today, but that's what makes it so valuable, in my opinion. I'd recommend this book to anyone who wants to raise a happy, healthy child. Just make sure you read it with an open mind.
Thanks for taking the time to read my review.
August 27, 2012
Fantastic Book! This is a "must -read" for all parents. His book goes over the six points, then he has questions and answers about how to handle real life situations that are so helpful. Parents are the most important people in the family. Children do not run the family. He goes over eating, toys, tv, video games, technology, chores, homework, and more. He shows how to raise children that are respectful and responsible, and teaches parents how to prepare them to enter "real life".
September 1, 2016
I agree with this author and then disagree strongly with this author. I like the tone of his writing and always come away with food for though. He has influenced how our children are parented. While denying psychology as a foundation for parenting, he still falls back on it to explain some of his ideas. I'd love to see a new updated version including scripture as his base and with a clear gospel message.
May 14, 2016
This audio book is fantastic. The principles are similar to those mentioned in some of his subsequent books. I enjoy gleaning from his no-nonsense approach to raising children. This dove tails nicely with other books I have been reading lately such as another favorite of mine, Simplicity Parenting. I have listened to this audiobook twice already and am going for a third.
Edited to add: this appears to be the original edition of this book not the revised edition.
Edited to add: this appears to be the original edition of this book not the revised edition.
November 19, 2008
I borrowed this book from a friend (back in the old days when I was parenting children) and had to go buy my own copy. I loaned my copy to several people who also went out and bought it for themselves. I LOVED it. Simple. No complicated systems of rewards or demerits. Makes sense. I highly recommend it.
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