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Raising Godly Tomatoes: Loving Parenting With Only Occasional Trips to the Woodshed
Weary of struggling with your toddler? Frustrated with the failing advice of secular psychologists and permissive parenting gurus? Leery of the strict focus on rules and the hyper-regimentation advocated elsewhere? If you are simply looking for a straightforward Biblical approach to parenting that focuses on the heart of your child, as well as his outward actions, then Raising Godly Tomatoes is for you. In these pages you'll find a wealth of common sense and godly wisdom, a guide to applying reasonable discipline, and instructions on how to build a close relationship with your child. Raising Godly Tomatoes encourages parents to keep their young children -- their little 'tomatoes' -- lovingly staked to them, in order to train and apprentice them in a godly way of life that will prepare them for Christ's calling in the future, and render them a pleasure to live with today.
272 pages, Paperback
First published December 4, 2007
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October 26, 2020Well. . . I read this book.
It’s not one I could recommend to most people. It is guaranteed to offend the average American, and I myself disagree with plenty of things the author says. However, I gleaned some useful ideas and benefited from the reminder to ponder how my discipline is shaping my children’s hearts and attitudes.
The author’s premise is that parents should “tomato stake” their children (i.e., function as the “stake” that guides their children’s growth) by keeping them physically close, teaching strict obedience and “godly behavior,” and only allowing freedom once a kid can be trusted to behave correctly. She boldly rejects psychology as “vain worldly philosophy” that is of zero use in Christian parenting.
See? I said it would offend people.
I, however, was willing to wade through the stuff I didn’t like in order to learn from the book anyway. I’m not offended by the idea that parents should make their kids obey them--my own parents were able to do that without ever becoming controlling or harsh. It’s hard to find sensible, practical advice on day-to-day discipline that comes from this perspective. That’s why I appreciated hearing how one mom of many children handled the whole “how do you get your kids to behave themselves and do what you say?” thing. I agree with Mrs. Krueger that effective discipline makes home life SO MUCH happier, as well as ultimately creating an environment in which children can be granted genuine freedom.
One comment that stuck with me was the remark, “If you find yourself perpetually disciplining, it is likely that you are not watching your child. If you are not watching your child you cannot be truly consistent.” I admit that I’m prone to distraction. I try not to let screens prevent me from focusing on my kids when they need me, but I’m quite capable of getting lost in my own head and failing to notice what they are doing. I hope to get better at this.
Mrs. Krueger’s theology skews toward the legalistic. As I said, her approach to faith and parenting isn’t something I have any wish to fully emulate. Honestly, I wish there were more books available that address practical discipline from a traditional perspective. However, I appreciate the thoughts and conversations the book sparked for me and my husband.
It’s not one I could recommend to most people. It is guaranteed to offend the average American, and I myself disagree with plenty of things the author says. However, I gleaned some useful ideas and benefited from the reminder to ponder how my discipline is shaping my children’s hearts and attitudes.
The author’s premise is that parents should “tomato stake” their children (i.e., function as the “stake” that guides their children’s growth) by keeping them physically close, teaching strict obedience and “godly behavior,” and only allowing freedom once a kid can be trusted to behave correctly. She boldly rejects psychology as “vain worldly philosophy” that is of zero use in Christian parenting.
See? I said it would offend people.
I, however, was willing to wade through the stuff I didn’t like in order to learn from the book anyway. I’m not offended by the idea that parents should make their kids obey them--my own parents were able to do that without ever becoming controlling or harsh. It’s hard to find sensible, practical advice on day-to-day discipline that comes from this perspective. That’s why I appreciated hearing how one mom of many children handled the whole “how do you get your kids to behave themselves and do what you say?” thing. I agree with Mrs. Krueger that effective discipline makes home life SO MUCH happier, as well as ultimately creating an environment in which children can be granted genuine freedom.
One comment that stuck with me was the remark, “If you find yourself perpetually disciplining, it is likely that you are not watching your child. If you are not watching your child you cannot be truly consistent.” I admit that I’m prone to distraction. I try not to let screens prevent me from focusing on my kids when they need me, but I’m quite capable of getting lost in my own head and failing to notice what they are doing. I hope to get better at this.
Mrs. Krueger’s theology skews toward the legalistic. As I said, her approach to faith and parenting isn’t something I have any wish to fully emulate. Honestly, I wish there were more books available that address practical discipline from a traditional perspective. However, I appreciate the thoughts and conversations the book sparked for me and my husband.
March 26, 2026
Raising Godly Tomatoes
Here's a quick summary of the heart of this book:
You have a command to train your children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, and this is not a part time job. Be consistent, be joyful, be firm.
As such, full agreement, and I fully appreciated the encouragement and admonishment. There are other things I loved and appreciated from this book. It's *extremely* practical - she takes the theory ("we must teach our children") and helps to apply it ("but what about when my kid is doing *this*?!").
However, my husband takes issue with any form of timeout, and the more I think about it, the more I agree. Elizabeth employs "putting children in the corner" as a really big tool in her toolbox. That's just not my favorite, and I haven't heard a good biblical precedent for it. The Israelites wandered the wilderness, but God was with them and I see that more of a forsaken blessing/privilege revoked discipline than a timeout/corner time. But anyway - you could easily read this book and transpose her recommendations for corner time to whatever discipline you believe God has called you to use. My issue is more that she recommends it so heartily without explaining a Biblical reasoning for it.
My other big issue is she never seems to suggest living/acting/parenting in submission to your husband. She never says, "Ask your husband!" Or addresses the biblical idea that submission to your husband supersedes the perfect discipline methods. (For example, if I believed timeout was Biblical even though my husband doesn't, it would still be more obedient to God to avoid timeouts.) Again, this teaching is easy to layer with what she is teaching in this book. But it was disappointing that she didn't teach it - this book could have benefitted greatly from the strength of this truth. Husband-led parenting and being a united front is as important (in my opinion) as the methods you choose to use. I think this book would have been enriched by a section about unity between parents and submission to husbands.
All that said! I do think it was really solid in a lot of ways. She addresses a lot of specific issues that other parenting books don't, as well as being a very practical book where other parenting books are more theoretical or theological. I can see it being a really helpful reference book, even if you disagree with her specific solution for something it gives you a starting point to say, "If I tweak that idea like this, then..."
Another thing I especially appreciated were her reminders, "Remember that you have all day. You must win this battle, and you have the time to do it. Nothing else is as important as this. Don't rush, don't get angry. But you must win." (Paraphrased quotations.)
Here's a quick summary of the heart of this book:
You have a command to train your children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, and this is not a part time job. Be consistent, be joyful, be firm.
As such, full agreement, and I fully appreciated the encouragement and admonishment. There are other things I loved and appreciated from this book. It's *extremely* practical - she takes the theory ("we must teach our children") and helps to apply it ("but what about when my kid is doing *this*?!").
However, my husband takes issue with any form of timeout, and the more I think about it, the more I agree. Elizabeth employs "putting children in the corner" as a really big tool in her toolbox. That's just not my favorite, and I haven't heard a good biblical precedent for it. The Israelites wandered the wilderness, but God was with them and I see that more of a forsaken blessing/privilege revoked discipline than a timeout/corner time. But anyway - you could easily read this book and transpose her recommendations for corner time to whatever discipline you believe God has called you to use. My issue is more that she recommends it so heartily without explaining a Biblical reasoning for it.
My other big issue is she never seems to suggest living/acting/parenting in submission to your husband. She never says, "Ask your husband!" Or addresses the biblical idea that submission to your husband supersedes the perfect discipline methods. (For example, if I believed timeout was Biblical even though my husband doesn't, it would still be more obedient to God to avoid timeouts.) Again, this teaching is easy to layer with what she is teaching in this book. But it was disappointing that she didn't teach it - this book could have benefitted greatly from the strength of this truth. Husband-led parenting and being a united front is as important (in my opinion) as the methods you choose to use. I think this book would have been enriched by a section about unity between parents and submission to husbands.
All that said! I do think it was really solid in a lot of ways. She addresses a lot of specific issues that other parenting books don't, as well as being a very practical book where other parenting books are more theoretical or theological. I can see it being a really helpful reference book, even if you disagree with her specific solution for something it gives you a starting point to say, "If I tweak that idea like this, then..."
Another thing I especially appreciated were her reminders, "Remember that you have all day. You must win this battle, and you have the time to do it. Nothing else is as important as this. Don't rush, don't get angry. But you must win." (Paraphrased quotations.)
July 23, 2026
Wouldn’t agree with everything, but as far as general principles go, I appreciated a fair bit. Feel like the chapter on “fix yourself first” should have maybe been at the beginning instead of the end… maybe both! 😆
Definitely lots of practical stuff and “take these steps” which is easier to find disagreement with at times, but could also be helpful.
I’ll end with a rather lengthy quote that came near the end of the book and some thoughts on it.
“When I only had young ones, I intensely wanted them to really love the Lord and to do everything out of a love for Him, not just because I was making them. But yet they were really too young to comprehend deep spiritual matters. I couldn't really sit them down and have a heart-to-heart with them about my love for God and the reasons for my faith. Finally, I realized that, FIRST, I had to confront what was in front of me, a small child with wrong habits and bad attitudes. I changed my focus from thinking I had to first persuade them to love God (and so do what was right), to believing that for the moment, my responsibility was just to train them to do what was right, period. I would trust the faith to come later.”
Struck me, because that has often been my conflict with using methods to “enforce behavior.” Like, yes, I want obedient and cheerful kids, but then there’s the advice and questioning out there that is discouraging having your children conform in behavior when their heart isn’t in it, basically.
Good not to ignore the heart: definitely need to be addressing that, too, but also good to be reminded that you can teach what is right and wrong without them “understanding”, and trust that understanding and faith will grow over time. (And pray that it will.)
Definitely lots of practical stuff and “take these steps” which is easier to find disagreement with at times, but could also be helpful.
I’ll end with a rather lengthy quote that came near the end of the book and some thoughts on it.
“When I only had young ones, I intensely wanted them to really love the Lord and to do everything out of a love for Him, not just because I was making them. But yet they were really too young to comprehend deep spiritual matters. I couldn't really sit them down and have a heart-to-heart with them about my love for God and the reasons for my faith. Finally, I realized that, FIRST, I had to confront what was in front of me, a small child with wrong habits and bad attitudes. I changed my focus from thinking I had to first persuade them to love God (and so do what was right), to believing that for the moment, my responsibility was just to train them to do what was right, period. I would trust the faith to come later.”
Struck me, because that has often been my conflict with using methods to “enforce behavior.” Like, yes, I want obedient and cheerful kids, but then there’s the advice and questioning out there that is discouraging having your children conform in behavior when their heart isn’t in it, basically.
Good not to ignore the heart: definitely need to be addressing that, too, but also good to be reminded that you can teach what is right and wrong without them “understanding”, and trust that understanding and faith will grow over time. (And pray that it will.)
February 15, 2023
This book was recommended to me by a "veteran" mom of four amazing teenagers... when she had noticed that I was struggling with attitude in one of my children a few years ago.
The default response of some parents, when encountering negative actions or attitudes, is to ignore the problem or even banish the kid to their room, which can just exacerbate the issue.
The author of this book proposes that you do the opposite- when a child acts inappropriately, you draw that child nearer to you. This is called Tomato Staking- basically guiding the child under a watchful eye. You have to use your own discernment as to what level you do this. A toddler who hit another might be required to stay in the same room as his mother until it is determined he can behave appropriately while in a separate room. In the case of my own child, she was not allowed to go on kids' activities or sleepovers until she proved she could do so without us worrying about her attitude. It's really basic common sense, but I needed the reinforcement this book provided.
The default response of some parents, when encountering negative actions or attitudes, is to ignore the problem or even banish the kid to their room, which can just exacerbate the issue.
The author of this book proposes that you do the opposite- when a child acts inappropriately, you draw that child nearer to you. This is called Tomato Staking- basically guiding the child under a watchful eye. You have to use your own discernment as to what level you do this. A toddler who hit another might be required to stay in the same room as his mother until it is determined he can behave appropriately while in a separate room. In the case of my own child, she was not allowed to go on kids' activities or sleepovers until she proved she could do so without us worrying about her attitude. It's really basic common sense, but I needed the reinforcement this book provided.
March 30, 2012
this books theories really destroy the individuality and personalities of children while trying to align them with their parents desires. How can you teach your children to be strong adults who think for themselves and make choices for themselves when you use the rod every time they disobey until they do. You will either end up with children who obey out of fear or rebel. For parents with children who have un-diagnosed ADD/ADHD, aspergers... Etc. this book can do so much damage because you think they are being disobedient. I truly think this book should be banned.
June 27, 2018
This was a really good parenting book focused on young children. It was clear, simple, with tons of examples, and really similar to the way I was raised and the way I've been trying to raise my kids. Here's the skeleton:
1) Parents have a responsibility to train their children. Making them behave does not infringe on their rights or crush their spirits, it keeps them from being crippled adults. See Jordan Peterson's "Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them" for a secular justification of this principle.
2) Don't be a wuss - be vigilant and prioritize raising your kids above cleaning the house, buying groceries, or watching TV. "If you find yourself perpetually disciplining, it is likely that you are not watching your child... If you correct a child ten times and then skip once, you will have undone everything you accomplished on the last ten occasions"
3) Outlast your kid to make them behave. Be willing to take an hour or two to make them do what you said.
4) Focus on the heart. Don't accept sullen obedience. Persist until the child obeys with a good attitude. The act of changing the outward signs of attitude will almost always change the actual attitude of a child's heart.
5) "Tomato stake" as a temporary measure, either to gain control of your untrained kids and set boundaries clearly, or to correct them after they show that they are slipping into persistent misbehavior.
"Tomato staking" is an admittedly cheesy name for keeping your kid at your side and monitoring them constantly. I initially thought it sounded like helicopter parenting, but it has two main differences: 1) it is not a constant thing (it is only done temporarily to teach a difficult lesson, usually the "I am going to stop letting you misbehave and get away with this now - I'm going to keep you by my side until you prove you can obey out of my sight" lesson) 2) it is not from over-protectiveness; it's a training technique, not a symptom of fearful parenting.
The book is full of helpful tips, letters from mothers, and stories that make it easy to see how to apply these principles. For example:
-For persistent misbehaviors, try to catch the child right as they start to do the wrong thing and ambush them. It is much easier to correct and prevent at this point.
-When tomato staking, look for ways to involve the kid in what you're doing. They will love being your helper; the experience doesn't have to be painful
-Never spank in anger or over and over again. Use spanking as a calm disciplinary tool alongside outlasting and making the child bored until they're willing to "negotiate".
My only quibbles with the book are:
1) It is antagonistic toward psychologists and their "mumbo jumbo" - I agree that pop parenting advice is often wrong, but the tone is sometimes more combative than I like.
2) It insists that all the advice in the book is outlined in the Bible, quotes passages out of context, and says the Bible is the only parenting book you need. While I think the book is consistent with the little the Bible does say about parenting, I think it's a big exaggeration to say that everything in it comes straight from the Bible.
All in all, I highly recommend this and can think of very little from it that I won't be trying to implement in my own parenting.
1) Parents have a responsibility to train their children. Making them behave does not infringe on their rights or crush their spirits, it keeps them from being crippled adults. See Jordan Peterson's "Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them" for a secular justification of this principle.
2) Don't be a wuss - be vigilant and prioritize raising your kids above cleaning the house, buying groceries, or watching TV. "If you find yourself perpetually disciplining, it is likely that you are not watching your child... If you correct a child ten times and then skip once, you will have undone everything you accomplished on the last ten occasions"
3) Outlast your kid to make them behave. Be willing to take an hour or two to make them do what you said.
4) Focus on the heart. Don't accept sullen obedience. Persist until the child obeys with a good attitude. The act of changing the outward signs of attitude will almost always change the actual attitude of a child's heart.
5) "Tomato stake" as a temporary measure, either to gain control of your untrained kids and set boundaries clearly, or to correct them after they show that they are slipping into persistent misbehavior.
"Tomato staking" is an admittedly cheesy name for keeping your kid at your side and monitoring them constantly. I initially thought it sounded like helicopter parenting, but it has two main differences: 1) it is not a constant thing (it is only done temporarily to teach a difficult lesson, usually the "I am going to stop letting you misbehave and get away with this now - I'm going to keep you by my side until you prove you can obey out of my sight" lesson) 2) it is not from over-protectiveness; it's a training technique, not a symptom of fearful parenting.
The book is full of helpful tips, letters from mothers, and stories that make it easy to see how to apply these principles. For example:
-For persistent misbehaviors, try to catch the child right as they start to do the wrong thing and ambush them. It is much easier to correct and prevent at this point.
-When tomato staking, look for ways to involve the kid in what you're doing. They will love being your helper; the experience doesn't have to be painful
-Never spank in anger or over and over again. Use spanking as a calm disciplinary tool alongside outlasting and making the child bored until they're willing to "negotiate".
My only quibbles with the book are:
1) It is antagonistic toward psychologists and their "mumbo jumbo" - I agree that pop parenting advice is often wrong, but the tone is sometimes more combative than I like.
2) It insists that all the advice in the book is outlined in the Bible, quotes passages out of context, and says the Bible is the only parenting book you need. While I think the book is consistent with the little the Bible does say about parenting, I think it's a big exaggeration to say that everything in it comes straight from the Bible.
All in all, I highly recommend this and can think of very little from it that I won't be trying to implement in my own parenting.
July 27, 2015
This was my fourth time through, I think. Still one of my very favorite books on teaching children to obey. I appreciate her calm, loving, yet firm approach, and I needed reminded with child number six. I seem to have forgotten how to do this! ;) I took my dear sweet time reading a little here and there to get my focus back, and I'm enjoying my 20-month-old ever so much more as she's so much more pleasant to be around.
October 29, 2011
I feel badly for her children. I understand wanting to raise them in a Godly way, but i've read the Bible many times myself and there are no passages that condone abusing your children. Criminal.
January 17, 2025
I am really glad I read this. I feel like I have tools now to address some specific issues with my children, and see some errors in prior parenting. I do disagree with the author on some points but the book was still incredibly valuable. I would have preferred some more advice on dealing with older children who are already in "bad habits", it seemed much more focused on training young ones. I still cleaned useful information but that's why I gave it 4 stars instead of 5.
September 5, 2017
Helpful things this book taught me: make it a priority to keep your kids close to you, even if it means neglecting housework or personal time, to train them consistently while they are young. Also, don't get angry and don't give up. Lastly, recognize that the whole Bible is a "parenting book."
Losing stars because I didn't agree with every practical tip & method and some scripture was used out of context.
Losing stars because I didn't agree with every practical tip & method and some scripture was used out of context.
December 8, 2024
This was a helpful parenting book. It's mostly for very young children and about being diligent early in their lives. Consistency was the mantra. I really appreciated the reminders not to be a passive parent but alert to your child and take every opportunity to teach godliness, not just correct outward behavior. I also needed the reminder to love and enjoy my children and work on myself first if I am to expect change in my home. I also liked her addressing specific issues that pop up in children like arrogance, percociousness, and vanity, to name a few. I didn't agree with all the elements of this book, (I'm not a fan of pointing out people in public and using them to teach my children about modesty or bad behavior, or that your children should never be out of you sight ever, even to friend's houses), but there was more good than bad.
March 26, 2023
This book over all has some good advise on parenting. I did not agree with everything. It is mainly for parents with young children. She says you could use her strategies on grade school children too. I would say pass age 8 you could use some of it but not all. It is about keeping our children close to us and reaching their hearts and not just looking for outward correction.
December 12, 2011
I started reading this book a year ago, and still haven't finished (I'm about 2/3 through). I guess that means I have effectively jumped ship, but since I have finished at least three other parenting-ish books in the meantime, it's probably with good reason.
There are some good pointers in this book, and the author's strategy of "tomato-staking" her children until they are obedient enough to trust farther-away-than-three-feet is an interesting one. However, chapter after chapter, my husband and I just couldn't figure out how she actually did that with 10 kids, unless they all live in a warehouse with no walls to hide mischief-doers. Tomato-staking, the way this lady does it, was effective for us in some situations: teaching my 3-year-old to be outside without running into the road, correcting him from running away in the parking lot, etc. But it wasn't an effective strategy for our family every minute of every day. We also found that when we punished every single infraction with spanking, our home life became constantly agitated and frustrated, and not for the better.
I guess, if I'm honest, I gave up because I didn't see much grace. If we are supposed to model Christ for our kids, shouldn't we extend them grace at times, just as it's been extended to us? I'm not saying kids need to get away with everything, or we should overlook every disobedience and call that "grace," but I do think sometimes forgiveness and a hug teaches a better lesson than an outpouring of discipline and shame.
There are some good pointers in this book, and the author's strategy of "tomato-staking" her children until they are obedient enough to trust farther-away-than-three-feet is an interesting one. However, chapter after chapter, my husband and I just couldn't figure out how she actually did that with 10 kids, unless they all live in a warehouse with no walls to hide mischief-doers. Tomato-staking, the way this lady does it, was effective for us in some situations: teaching my 3-year-old to be outside without running into the road, correcting him from running away in the parking lot, etc. But it wasn't an effective strategy for our family every minute of every day. We also found that when we punished every single infraction with spanking, our home life became constantly agitated and frustrated, and not for the better.
I guess, if I'm honest, I gave up because I didn't see much grace. If we are supposed to model Christ for our kids, shouldn't we extend them grace at times, just as it's been extended to us? I'm not saying kids need to get away with everything, or we should overlook every disobedience and call that "grace," but I do think sometimes forgiveness and a hug teaches a better lesson than an outpouring of discipline and shame.
September 19, 2014
This book is a great compliment to Ted Tripp's Shepherding a Child's Heart, for it goes into specifics, how to's, and plenty of practical ideas of just how to discipline your children. Though I do not agree with everything she says, it is an excellent resource. She makes great points about consistency (how convicting!!), out lasting your child, biblical restoration (discipline is restorative, not punitive), and covers a myriad of questions from real life parents on real life situations. If you have no idea where to start with your new baby, or have a house full of hooligan's this book addresses different stages, mostly younger years, not teenage. If you were like me and grew up with parents who did not understand biblical discipline, this would be a helpful read.
June 12, 2019
This was good. Very helpful tips. I like that it's possible to use her technique without spanking if that's distasteful to you. I'd say the main point is "outlast" and "train while they are little."
Her use of Scripture is kind of embarrassing. I stopped reading the Bible verses because they had nothing to do with what she was saying. I wish she had put together one, solid chapter giving scripture that supports her overall philosophy instead of trying to paste a verse with every single tip she has through the book.
Her use of Scripture is kind of embarrassing. I stopped reading the Bible verses because they had nothing to do with what she was saying. I wish she had put together one, solid chapter giving scripture that supports her overall philosophy instead of trying to paste a verse with every single tip she has through the book.
March 30, 2012
this books theories really destroy the individuality and personalities of children while trying to align them with their parents desires. How can you teach your children to be strong adults who think for themselves and make choices for themselves when you use the rod every time they disobey until they do. You will either end up with children who obey out of fear or rebel.
Currently Reading
January 23, 2008Say what you mean, mean what you say. Outlast them. Be consistent.
June 6, 2010
I'm really enjoying this one - and it seems to be helping us!
October 9, 2020
This book contains a fair amount of practical advice that is Biblically based. The problem is, Kreuger doesn’t make those Biblical connections nearly as often as would be necessary for me to recommend this book to anyone aside from very mature and theologically grounded believers.
She also very rarely mentions or refers to the gospel at all, and never mentions the gospel as the source of power behind godly parenting. Children cannot truly obey with a right heart unless their hearts have been transformed by the gospel, and that will never happen apart from the Holy Spirit’s work. No parent has any control over this. Yet at one point, Kreuger strongly criticizes someone having said to her that they needed to “pray and let God work”, as if that’s NOT the main thing we should be doing as godly parents! That’s astonishing to me! Kreuger is DEAD WRONG about this. Only God can bring about what is truly most important in a child, which is a changed heart that leads to godly behavior. That is not to say that God has not ordained Christian parents as one of the primary means by which He draws unbelieving children to Himself - He has! - but this does not change the fact that the ultimate power behind godly parenting is the gospel of Jesus Christ, whereby wicked sinners are transformed into loving children of God.
I would hand this book to mature and very well theologically grounded believers and tell them to look for some practical wisdom and advice, but to take it all with a grain of salt, because of Kreuger’s constant replacing gospel power with self-driven-determination, which is a very dangerous road to walk. There are pitfalls everywhere in such a methodology.
Perhaps Kreuger, whom I’ve never met or spoken with, doesn’t mean for this to be the case, and is in fact very deliberate about bringing gospel truth into her parenting, but if so, she should have devoted at least one chapter to this massively vital aspect of godly parenting and families.
She also very rarely mentions or refers to the gospel at all, and never mentions the gospel as the source of power behind godly parenting. Children cannot truly obey with a right heart unless their hearts have been transformed by the gospel, and that will never happen apart from the Holy Spirit’s work. No parent has any control over this. Yet at one point, Kreuger strongly criticizes someone having said to her that they needed to “pray and let God work”, as if that’s NOT the main thing we should be doing as godly parents! That’s astonishing to me! Kreuger is DEAD WRONG about this. Only God can bring about what is truly most important in a child, which is a changed heart that leads to godly behavior. That is not to say that God has not ordained Christian parents as one of the primary means by which He draws unbelieving children to Himself - He has! - but this does not change the fact that the ultimate power behind godly parenting is the gospel of Jesus Christ, whereby wicked sinners are transformed into loving children of God.
I would hand this book to mature and very well theologically grounded believers and tell them to look for some practical wisdom and advice, but to take it all with a grain of salt, because of Kreuger’s constant replacing gospel power with self-driven-determination, which is a very dangerous road to walk. There are pitfalls everywhere in such a methodology.
Perhaps Kreuger, whom I’ve never met or spoken with, doesn’t mean for this to be the case, and is in fact very deliberate about bringing gospel truth into her parenting, but if so, she should have devoted at least one chapter to this massively vital aspect of godly parenting and families.
December 2, 2021
Despite the odd title, this book was probably the most practical book I’ve read on parenting and discipline. The thought of children as tomatoes is explained by “staking” children while they are young, keeping them close by and training them diligently and lovingly before they become too “big” to stake (train). I will be referring back to this book again and again.
I didn’t agree with everything (a bit legalistic, in my opinion) yet there are various practices that I will begin implementing (and have already been seeing results with. ) I love that Elizabeth points out that “only by reordering priorities and recognizing that parenting is a highly demanding change full time job will there be any hope for decent results and the absence of frustration. Parenting will be far less frustrating if you learn how to do it well, and if it is not competing with everything else for your time and attention.”
I didn’t agree with everything (a bit legalistic, in my opinion) yet there are various practices that I will begin implementing (and have already been seeing results with. ) I love that Elizabeth points out that “only by reordering priorities and recognizing that parenting is a highly demanding change full time job will there be any hope for decent results and the absence of frustration. Parenting will be far less frustrating if you learn how to do it well, and if it is not competing with everything else for your time and attention.”
July 2, 2021
This is the longest it’s taken me to get through a book, and I believe that’s because I didn’t fully connect with every principle on discipline she laid out. I did have some great take aways and would still recommend this book to others. I appreciated her thought provoking stance to discipline (disciple) children based on their heart, not the action itself. That means to get to the root of (the reason) why they acted a certain way. To watch their attitude foremost. It’s a great book, but it looses a star for me because scripture was used out of context.
November 26, 2024
Obviously I don't agree with every single thing in this book or with every method Elizabeth proposes (that's a given for almost any book I've ever read), but it is incredibly practical. Already I have seen the fruit of tomato-staking in my own family. I love her practical suggestions, real-life parenting scenarios, and her sometimes step-by-step guide of how she would react to a given situation. One of my favorite chapters is the one on training mom. Anger is NOT an option. We discipline our children for anger, so why do we give ourselves passes when we become angry or frustrated with them?
June 26, 2024
Very practical, and straight forward book about parenting with the bigger picture in mind. I appreciate how she is focused on raising our children to be the kind of adults we want them to be some day. I was very encouraged by this book and have already begun implementing some of the principles she goes over. Thank you Elizabeth for this book!!
May 5, 2022
A few good principles, with some poor examples and scenarios in its explanation. I felt like the good content from here is better written in other books, making this a little frustrating to get through.
November 11, 2020
Excellent parenting advice.
January 31, 2021
One of the most practical books on child training I have ever read. I love how Elizabeth focuses on the goal - training godly character and children who love the Lord.
November 18, 2024
Good and helpful in most areas of parenting and self reflection. I do not condone her use of shame when comparing other people’s sins or lifestyle to oneself.
March 11, 2025
Reading this book and taking to heart the advice has been the greatest regret of my life. If i could go back, i would not take this books advice to heart.
November 16, 2011
I really liked the part in this book about outlasting your child and having a mommy radar. I also liked all the biblical references and the emphasis about training your children. There really was some valuable information, but I can't fully embrace the spaniking method because I would spank in frustration instead of trying to correct behavior...just too tempting.
December 16, 2010
This book is an honest and careful attempt to share what God has taught me in raising my 10 little blessings to become as they should be: created in the image of God. It is a practical guide to rearing young children.
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