The Other Mother

by Gwendolen Gross

Amanda is a successful book editor at a prominent publishing house in New York City. Thea is a stay-at-home mother of three who has never really left the community in which she grew up. Amanda, eight months’ pregnant with her first child, and her husband move in next door to Thea and her family, and the two women find themselves both drawn to and repelled by each other and their opposing choices in the constant struggle to balance career and family life.

When a disaster forces Amanda and her family to take refuge in Thea’s home, the underlying tensions simmering between them are forced to the surface and even more so when Thea fills in as Amanda’s temporary nanny. But once dead animals start appearing on Thea’s front porch-surely a macabre gift from Amanda?-the battle with “ the other mother” begins in earnest.

With a keen eye for what pulls us apart and what brings us together, Gwendolen Gross has created a stunning, dark, suspenseful novel that is as brave as it is shocking.

Genres: Fiction, Contemporary, Chick Lit, Literary Fiction, Book Club, Family, Womens

320 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2007

About the author

Dubbed the reigning queen of women's adventure fiction by Joanna Smith Rakoff in Book Magazine, Gwendolen Gross grew up in Newton, Massachusetts. She graduated from Oberlin College, where she studied science writing and voice performance. She spent a semester in Australia with a field studies program, studying spectacled fruit bats in the rainforest remnants of Northern Queensland.

After college she moved to San Francisco, then San Diego, and worked in publishing, as well as performing with the San Diego Opera Chorus. Through the San Diego Writing Center, she was selected for the PEN West Emerging Writers Program.

Gwendolen received an M.F.A. in fiction and poetry from Sarah Lawrence College. Her poems have been published in dozens of literary magazines, including Salt Hill Journal, Global City Review, The Laurel Review, and Hubbub, where her poem was selected for the 1999 Adrienne Lee Award.

Her first novel, Field Guide, was issued by Henry Holt in April 2001 (Harvest paperback 2002), and her second, Getting Out, in spring 2002. These two women's adventure fiction novels received critical acclaim. She then shifted her focus to the dramas of motherhood. with her third novel, The Other Mother (Random House, 2007). Gwendolen's most recent novel, The Orphan Sister, was released in July 2011 (Simon and Schuster).

Gwendolen Gross is also an award-winning writing instructor and has led workshops at Sarah Lawrence College and the UCLA Extension online. Her guest lectures include appearances at the Fashion Institute of Technology, at Barnes and Noble's Educator's Night, and The World's Largest Writing Workshop. Gwendolen has worked as a snake and kinkajou demonstrator, naturalist, opera singer, editor, and mom. She lives in northern New Jersey with her family.

Reviews

[Jenna · Rating 1 out of 5]

yeah....

Alright. This book, I think, had a great premise. Started out good. I even liked the writing.

I liked the meandering insight on motherhood and womanhood, from both perspectives of the two main characters. However, this book really didn't go anyplace. It stutterd a little bit into a third of the way through... and just, stalled out. It was hardly "suspenseful, dark, and brave as it was shocking". There was really no suspense to be had, and the "battle" between these two mothers was about as exciting as watching paint peel or grass grow.
Kinda lame, actually.

So not recommending this one. Save yourself the energy, people.

[Marie · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is the story of two neighbors, one a working mother and the other a housewife. They alternate in narrating the story. I found it difficult to like and/or identify with either of these main characters. The author throws in some odd things to try to spice up the story (a lesbian kiss, 9/11). All she did was make my skin crawl. I forced myself to finish this book. I was thoroughly disappointed in the book and would not recommend it to anyone.

[Shannon · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was really in awe of this book. Not so much because of the story line, but more the accuracy in which she described the emotions of motherhood. Now I realize, in my current state, this has a greater chance of having that effect. However, as being a mother who has both worked and not worked, been judged and judged myself, and ofcourse as someone who has thought the grass must be greener on the other side, this book smacks you back into reality. On our best days I think we all realize that not one person is perfect, but on a day-to-day basis you can get lost in your own struggles and joys. The author so accurately illustrated that judgement is usually based on our own insecurties (in motherhood, but also in life in general). It was difficult to read at times, my eyes were filled with tears. Thinking of my children growing up, of time lost never to be gained again, of the choices I have already made and the ones I will have to. Very emotional.

Obviously, this book is geared toward mothers, but I wanted to mention that she writes not just about mothering, but also about being mothered. This book touched me as mother, but also as a daughter. It will explain the intense bond with your children, but also maybe help someone who is not a mother understand what it was like to be their own mother.

I know I sound like a sap (I understand Marianne saying her reviews are like diary entries. Ditto Marianne!), but I truly like this author and the way she wrote. I have two others to read by her, so I will keep you posted.

[Staci · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is the Seinfeld of books in that it is a book about nothing. Well, it's about something but it feels as though there really isn't much of a plot and certainly not much urgency in getting there. The writing was good, the characters were somewhat interesting but I'm still a bit unsure what the author intended to convey that I just didn't get.

[C.M. Chafin · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was an easy read, and I wanted to like it. I enjoyed the delve into female sexuality, especially for mothers. But the rest of it didn’t make sense. Maybe because it was marketed as a thriller? I don’t know. It had a lot going on without really making me want to know what happened. The end felt especially out of place.

[Mara · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the story of two women, two mothers. Thea lives in the house where she grew up and is the stay-at-home mom of 3 kids, including a toddler. Amanda, a children's book editor, moves in next door, pregnant, about to start her maternity leave. When circumstances force the two women uncomfortably close, each must face her own choices to stay home or continue to work.

The best thing about this book is that Gross alternates chapters between Thea and Amanda, allowing the reader to get both sides of the story. To each mother, the other is a monster, but both have moments of being able to put themselves in the other's shoes.

The worst thing about this book is that Gross chooses to use the events of September, 2001 to bring her story to a close. The story starts in September, 2000 when Amanda moves in to her new house. The book is divided into sections by the months that follow, with no mention of year, until the following September when the inclusion of 2001 is glaring and obvious. Without going into detail, Gross gets her characters home safely and ends her story quite abruptly.

Gross's decision to use September 11th in this way is a shame because up until the last section this was a very engaging book. I cared about the characters and wanted them to be friends or at least come to terms separately with their own decisions. But it feels as though Gross could not figure out how to make that happen and decided to take the easy way out.

[Periwinkle · Rating 1 out of 5]

***Spoiler alert! Reading this review may spoil details about the book before you get a chance to read it!***

I chose this book because I stay at home with my three children and wanted something to relate to. For the first few chapters, I enjoyed being able to identify with the joys and woes of motherhood, as portrayed by the two main character's innermost thoughts. But, that's about all this book has to offer. There was no plot, or at least none worth mentioning, and the read was generally dull. I kept giving the author the benefit of the doubt and thought that something exciting would happen in the end, or that perhaps I was missing something subtle all throughout the book. Well, I was wrong, and I felt like I wasted my time. What's more, there seemed to be a great deal of bias against women who choose to re-enter the workforce and leave their children with a nanny or in a daycare setting.

Basically, this book is a story about two insecure women who live next door to one another in the boring suburbs. That's all. There are no love affairs, no mysteries, no murders, or anything else of that nature. They briefly kissed at some point in time during the book, which only took up a few paragraphs. That's about it in a nutshell.

It was a relaxing read, one that you can put down for a couple of days and revisit without having to flip back a few pages to catch up. However, I found myself longing for something more intelligent with a little more substance.

[Lynn · Rating 2 out of 5]

The story centers on two women, two mothers. One, Thea, is a stay at home mom to three children. She has devoted her life to being a mother, and maintaining the home she grew up in, including the painstaking work of keeping her mother's garden in perfect form. The other, Amanda, is new to the neighborhood, has a job in the book publishing industry and early on in the story, becomes a first time mom. Both of these women are drawn to each other and repulsed at the same time. Each sees in the other something they want but are afraid to admit and accept.

There were part of the story I could relate to-questioning working full time, struggling with the identity we create for ourselves based on the roles we pursue in life, seeking new friendships while questioning those we have had for years.

There were pieces to the plot that weren't very strong and seemed to interrupt the general overall tone of the story. I felt like these side plots were more of a tease and distraction rather than critical piece.

[Melissa (Semi Hiatus Until After the Holidays) · Rating 2 out of 5]

Two mothers next door--one works, one doesn't. Conflicts. Ok, but not as good as it could have been and overall not much point to the book.

[Zosma Leonis · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the story of two women, two mothers. Thea lives in the house where she grew up and is the stay-at-home mom of 3 kids, including a toddler. Amanda, a children's book editor, moves in next door, pregnant, about to start her maternity leave. When circumstances force the two women uncomfortably close, each must face her own choices to stay home or continue to work.

The best thing about this book is that Gross alternates chapters between Thea and Amanda, allowing the reader to get both sides of the story. To each mother, the other is a monster, but both have moments of being able to put themselves in the other's shoes.

The worst thing about this book is that Gross chooses to use the events of September, 2001 to bring her story to a close. The story starts in September, 2000 when Amanda moves in to her new house. The book is divided into sections by the months that follow, with no mention of year, until the following September when the inclusion of 2001 is glaring and obvious. Without going into detail, Gross gets her characters home safely and ends her story quite abruptly.

Gross's decision to use September 11th in this way is a shame because up until the last section this was a very engaging book. I cared about the characters and wanted them to be friends or at least come to terms separately with their own decisions. But it feels as though Gross could not figure out how to make that happen and decided to take the easy way out.

[Nicole · Rating 4 out of 5]

Parts of this book were beautiful and richly drawn. Some might believe Thea's character is unrealistic, but she resonated with me as real. In several people I am close to, like Thea, anxiety manifests itself for them in the judgment of others (a judgment that is also turned back on oneself in a struggle to preserve one's fragile ego). I also found the offer of safe harbor to recently unhomed new neighbors realistic (at least it would be in my close-knit neighborhood) and I bought into the subsequent complexity of the women's relationship. To me, this was an honest novel that grappled with fraught relationships between mothers. I haven't read many books that spoke to my reality so strongly.

The only reason I give this book four instead of five stars is that there came a point where the plot unraveled; many things were left unresolved and/or their resolution seemed rushed.

[Sharon Falduto]

A stay at home mom and a working mom trade perspectives in this somewhat grim novel which explores the pros and cons of both existences. The book jacket, of course, references media darling catchphrase "the mommy wars," but I'm not sure that really applies--the moms are both envious of each other and disrespectful of each other, but I think that just makes them people, not "mommy war" people.

[Auryn · Rating 2 out of 5]

The premise was interesting. When we reach to the point of resolution, though, the resolution falls... flat. Like a Deux ex machina. The plot is barely existent. When you think that the book is over because the initial question is already answered, there's still more, and it changes nothing. The characters are difficult to root for. The writing isn't bad, but the story goes nowhere.

[Cindy Manfra · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ummmm... what do say about this book... it was well written?

This book has no plot - nothing happens, besides 911 which was barely part of the story.
I kept thinking maybe something would happen in the next chapter, but nope.

If you like to read books about nothing with no actual plot, then maybe you'll enjoy this.

I'll be burning this one.

[Tyra · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm between 2 and 3 stars for this book. I think I would have liked it more when I was a mother of young children. I definitely could relate to Amanda and the mixed feelings of leaving your child in day care when you needed to return to work.

[Becky · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting dynamics!

[Melinda Weisbarth · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was okay, I felt like the end was just thrown in there.

[Helen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Although easy to read, I found the characters odd.

[Andrea · Rating 5 out of 5]

I could not put this book down it was so interesting reading back and forth between the mother's lives I highly recommend

[Karen Mellott-Foshier · Rating 3 out of 5]

One-word book review: Disjointed

2.5 stars rounded up to 3

[Marie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm not sure what I thought of this novel. It had an interesting premise: a newly pregnant career woman moves into a suburban New Jersey house next door to a stay-at-home mom of three. Neither mom is entirely happy with her choices. I found both women very difficult to relate to: perhaps because I have never experienced the outright jealousy and spite felt by some women toward "the other" type of mother. In our circle of friends, one parent often stays at home, but sometimes he or she works part time. Sometimes (as in our case), it's the dad.

Granted, I have not had to make do with the guilt that other work-outside-the-home moms have felt upon leaving their children in day care situations. That is probably liable to make one feel more defensive.

I found the characters difficult to like. They were multidimensional, and the author did a good job of presenting the complexities inherent in the choices they made.

When I first started the book, I delightedly thought, "Oh, this is very well written!" but by the time I was halfway through, I was ready for the book to be over...hence the two stars only.

[Mikkee · Rating 3 out of 5]

If I could give 1/2 star's, I would give this book a 3 and a 1/2. The book is about 2 mothers, a new mother and a mother with 3 children. While the book is based around their experiences in motherhood, the author touches on 2 universal themes, that I, not being a mother, still absorbed and took lessons from.

One was the reminder that lack of communication is at the root of much of frustration in a relationship. You see it build through the book, until each is a villain in the other's eyes, and while she switches the narrator's voice between the 2, you see the ridiculous nature and just want to say, TALK TO HER!!

Another important concept that the book touched on was the idea that any one thing, in this case motherhood, that is all-consuming you lose a part of yourself. No matter how passionate or how much you desired something in the first place, if you lose your definition to it and forget who you ultimately are, what you wanted the most becomes nagging and you resent it.

[Mary Lou · Rating 2 out of 5]

Could have been good, but had gratuitous bisexual moment and easy ending.

[Julie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Thea is the outwardly perfect stay-at-home mother of three; Amanda, a new mother who is torn with guilt for returning to work, moves in next door. Their tentative friendship is strained by a forced proximity, and stretched further when Thea volunteers to work as Amanda’s temporary nanny. Alternating chapters from their two points of view emphasize that each have exterior shells with prickly interiors; although they are much alike and admire each other, they each focus on their differences. Small slights are blown out of proportion and soon they are all-out enemies. There are some well-articulated sentiments about being necessary and yet unnoticed in one’s own family, and losing one’s identity after bearing children. However, it seemed to drone on for far too long, and using 9/11 as a closing gambit was too much.

[Erin Shull · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is very well written and I liked the writer's style. I liked the exploration of "the grass is always greener" and how it applies to the dilemma most women face in modern times between being a stay-at-home mom and being a working mother, and how to balance being there for your children with keeping a shred of ambition, personal time and accomplishments. The beginning of this book was very compelling, with Thea finding a series of dead animals on her doorstep and immediately assuming they were put there by Amanda, but somewhere in the middle of this book I started getting bored. I kept reading in hopes of an exciting conclusion, but there was no real payoff. I liked this book, but I didn't love it. The writing was good enough for me to want to read more of Ms. Gross' work in the future though.

[Brian · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was a complete and utter train wreck and I'm proud of myself for making it through it. The premise seems cool, a pregnant woman moves next door to a mother with three children. But then dead animals begin arriving on the doorstep of the women with the three children. Is it her new neighbor who has a baby? My biggest issue with this book was that almost nothing happened! It advertises itself as a psychological thriller of sorts, but ends up being a whole lot of nothing. The two main characters were flat and interchangeable. If it hadn't been for the fact that I was able to tell them apart by their husbands and children, they could have been the same character. When something seemingly exciting happens, trust me, it doesn't amount to nearly anything. I don't really care if I spoil this book for someone, but I would advise you to read at your own risk!

[Becky · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really, 2.5 stars. This book started out OK, and then just got hostile and petty, which just made me angry and just want to be done with the book. The book does show the questions and guilt about the decisions you make in motherhood, and how every mother feels judged based on those decisions- I believe this is true to life. Also, it shows what we think does not necessarily match actual circumstances- also true to life. The curse of being female! I did enjoy that story line. However, the end was a little corney, how they made the women focus again on what is really important in life. Some good topics, but not a relaxing read. As I said- the characters' anger and hostility made me uneasy, but not in a good way, like I was relating to the characters. Just in a "I don't want to deal with this anymore" type of way! I get enough of that from my kids! HA!

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

A fictionalized account of the Mommy Wars, waged between two women, one a stay-at-home mom who is afraid she's lost herself in her family of five and the other a new mother who returns to her publishing job shortly after her daughter is born. Mildly entertaining and not badly written, but nothing particularly memorable--the author includes some details about each character that do nothing to further our understanding of them and fails to delve deeper into other aspects so that the reader ends up not feeling particularly fond of either of the two protagonists. Also, there are some glaring typos in the book which I found very annoying and made me wonder who the editor was and how she had let the errors slide.

[Cheryl · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ok so the ending on this book is so weak and out there and well... why bring that into it.... (you'll see) but if you are a Mom, in some way you will relate to one of the main characters and provoke some measure or meaning to you. It would be a great book for a book group full of Moms with kids the same age as Thea's kids. (which mine pretty much are)- and Donna's too. The roller coaster ride of self vs others when you have children. It's nice to see some of my own thoughts and feeling written on paper by someone else. In some ways I am so Amanda and in others so Thea, for me it was a read somewhat close to heart and as I live in Northern NJ I could related even more to the placement of the book.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, where to start. There are so many topics covered in this book. Staying at home with kids, going back to work, being a good neighbor, worrying WAY too much of what other people think of you, pregnancy, parenting, lots of womanly things. The author really delves into the female mind & how it works. How 2 wonderful women are so alike yet different.

The main thing I'm taking from the book is to be yourself, don't worry what people think of you. Not everyone is meant to get along & become best friends. There are so many people out there to befriend instead of trying too hard on one you don't like. You need to be yourself & let go of all the extra stuff you may do just because you want to look a certain way. This would be a great book club discussion.