Something Porcine This Way Comes

Dunkin the Vampire Slayer #1

by Greg Crites

Dunkin, a 450 lb vampire slayer has been around a long time. He has plenty of secrets behind his body's girth or 'Vein Armor' as he calls it. An accident brings Dunkin together with several slightly dysfunctional characters. Together they go on an undead hunting expedition that starts in sunny Florida and works its way down the Amazon in South America. The first book in a trilogy.

Genres: Humor, Horror

Nook

First published March 30, 2006

About the author

Have returned from long hiatus and am, once again, writing comic novels. Look for Devlin 8 coming soon. Instant Download Audiobooks are now available at: https://spaces.chec.io/16198
Baronvonjewhammer@gab.com

Reviews

[Greg Crites]

Of course I'm not commenting on my own book! How dare you! I'm posting this at the behest of a friend who cannot get an account as they were judged clinically insane. And I quote: "Dunkin is such a funny book... and the author is sooooo handsome! xoxoxo"

[#ReadAllTheBooks]

Let me say this up front. Not everyone will like this book. If you are looking for something serious, you probably won't want to get this book. Heck, even if you aren't, there's a chance that you may not like the tone in this book. Either way, you should still probably check it out. It's pretty funny.

The book follows the adventures of Dunkin, an obese vampire hunter who has spent a good portion of his long life alone. He has to eat or the vampire blood inside of him may take over. It isn't until he meets the hairy carpenter Ash & the alcoholic detective Devil that his life begins to change for the better & he finds that there may be life after Twinkies. With wimpy vampire masters, man eating anacondas, vampiric animals & the hottest female vamp this side of Kate Beckinsale, Dunkin may finally have bitten off more than he can chew.

Ok, so now I'm going to attempt to elaborate on the "you may not like this book" bit. This book manages to combine the silliness of a Marx Brothers movie with the fun of an old pulp novel. Part of what makes this book work so well is that Crites manages to pull off some of the funniest one liners I've read in vampire fiction lately. Is this book going to win the high muckity muck award from the high & mighty so & sos? Nah, probably not. Is it entertaining & fun to listen to? Yup, you betcha.

If you are unsure as to whether or not you want to buy this book, there are podcasts of this available on the internet to listen to & I encourage you to hear them. Crites is incredibly fun to listen to. (But you should buy the books as well & read while listening- it'd be like those read along books, only instead of a chime telling you to turn the page there would be a big HAR!)

[Edward Gardner]

Very funny! Imagine if Douglas Adams got drunk and wrote vampire stories.

[Jeremy]

if you want a laugh and a half, if you like a heapoing helping of comedy with a side order of kicking ass and taking names, and a witty story for desert, then this book is a feast for the mind. it gets the old funny bone to tingling and the violence is just enough to get the primal urge to throttle that knucklehead next door to pumping. my favorite characters are devlin and his mom Aggy. my only gripe is that some of the vampires seamed a bit 1 dimensional, while others were more multifaceted

[Paul Preston]

I loved this book series and this author. Unfortunately his stuff is hard to find. Great characters, wicked funny, and a fun look at vampirism in this modern world. I have to find a way to get Dunkin II.

[Kevin Criswell]

Great book, good characters, fun story. Had the podiobook years ago but wanted a print copy.

[Ron]

Due to the less than impressive cover, I avoided listening to this podcast for awhile. However, once one of my favorite podcast authors, Scott Sigler, recommended Greg Crites Crusade, I tried listening to this podcast. I have to say, this story blew my mind. The author is hilarious. As you may or may not know, this is the first book in a trilogy. I consider J.C. Hutchinson’s 7th Son trilogy a classic, if the remaining two books of this series is as entertaining or even better than the first, then I would have to put this series up there with it.

I love how the story unfolds. Personally, I was always intrigued to learn what would happen next. The characters develop throughout the story. This isn’t your typical vampire story that portray them has strictly beautiful, handsome, or in the best shape ever. Instead, this is a different view of them. This story is so easy to listen to and enjoy. I look forward to listening to the next installment.

[Larry]

One of the funnest books I have listen to in a long Time. :)
I never planed on giving away to many 5 stars but this is one that deserves it. Brought a crap eating grin to my face for many hours.
Edward Gardner say "Imagine if Douglas Adams got drunk and wrote vampire stories" and I agree, But was thinking more like Spider Robinson on speed.
Greg sending beer money soon, think of me in the morning.
also recommending you to a few thousand friends.

[Marcus]

This was a very funny book to read. It was written with a total different viewpoint concerning vampires and the people who hunt and killed them. The "good guy"team was established early in the book and the action elevated from that point onward. The characters were well written, action full blown, the romance funny and totally believable, and. the situations were somewhat funny and ironic. A very good book to read.

[Elise]

If you can get past the explicit language, this is the funniest vampire satire I've ever read. I listened to the podiobook read by the author, and it was impossible not to laugh. I've already started the next book in the trilogy, and I'm looking forward to more.

[Lisa]

Absolutely one of the GREATEST Trilogies of all time!!!!!
Laugh out loud funny, great stories, great wit!!
READ THESE BOOKS!!! And for those who love great audio books, the author reads all three of them and is the PERFECT reader for them!

[Phil]

Hilarious novel by a great undiscovered talent. If you haven't read it, you should. I challenge anyone to read this book without cracking a smile.

[Brian Kurzweil]

HAR!

[Charles]

Hilarious!

I originally found this book at http://www.podiobooks.com/ . Book is read by the Author, which adds to the humor. I'm listening to the sequel now.

[Jerry Ramirez]

best when heard read aloud by the author!

[Tony Herrera]

Excellent story!

First time I experienced this story was through audio book. It's fantastic. Can't wait to start the next one. Good read.

[Lisa]

Just a fun and humorous book.