Blart O Chlopcu

Blart #1

by Dominic Barker

Blart lives on a pig farm with his grandfather and doesn't care about being heroic or legendary, but he reluctantly embarks on an epic quest to save the world accompanied by a feisty princess who likes dragons, a warrior who's a big softie and a disaffected dwarf.

Genres: Fantasy, Middle Grade, Fiction, Childrens, Young Adult, Roman, Humor

Paperback

First published January 1, 2006

About the author

Dominic Barker was born in Southport in 1966. He graduated from the University of Birmingham with a degree in English and then spent two years as part of a comedy double act before deciding to become a teacher. He currently lives in Barcelona.

Reviews

[Mitticus · Rating 2 out of 5]

Blart is a 14-year-old swineherd, coward and selfish and ugly , who is taken by force by a magician to stop a supervillain.

‘My name’s Blart. I look after pigs and I’m with Capablanca who doesn’t.’

I was going to give it 3 stars until it got pretty boring and dumb from the middle almost to the end.

Imagine a parody of The Hobbit in a basically Python-esque way, with a Dudley Dursley at its worst as the protagonist.

‘My name is Capablanca and I am the greatest sorcerer alive today,’ announced the wizard with more than a touch of pride.
‘Do a spell, then,’ demanded Blart, who was not the kind of boy to go around believing old men were wizards just because they said so. ‘Turn this table into a pig.’
‘What?’ exclaimed Capablanca.
‘Are you deaf?’ said Blart.

The Quest, a prophecy, the companions, a warrior , a princess and others. All messed up.

quote: And then, whilst he was looking at the ground and feeling very uncomfortable, he was struck by an idea. This didn’t happen often to Blart and so it shocked him rather like a sudden punch in the face would shock most of us. He staggered to one side with the force of it.

The country is funny, a bit Discworld-like.

quote: Economists from all the other countries of the world had heard of this idea and said that it couldn’t work because people were naturally greedy and selfish and that they liked having more things than everybody else. But Illyrians continued to make it work in complete disregard of economic theory, which was very rude of them in the opinion of the economists. And because they weren’t always competing with each other and trying to make a profit, the Illyrians ended up being friendly and generous to one another and they were the happiest people in the world. It made all the economists mad.

Anyway, I am not going to read the others books after this.

[Shahram · Rating 1 out of 5]

منو جذب نکرد
توی رودربایستی با کسی که بهم هدیه داده بود تمومش کردم

[Siddha Malilang · Rating 1 out of 5]

Reading the premise of fantasy parody, I expected a witty satire criticizing the narrative construction. However, I couldn't bear finishing this book in one reading. It took me months to gather strengths to continue reading this. The plot is so slow and annoying, and it is very easy to HATE all the characters. Yes, ALL of the characters. There is no single character here is worthy of attention.

I really regret wasting my time reading this piece of crap.

[Jay Fox · Rating 1 out of 5]

The Blart universe is NOTHING without Uther

[Newton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Blart is a humorous book that is a parody of the classic fantasy story of a wizard coming to a poor boy's farm and claiming that the boy will save the world. Normally, they grab a spare pair of socks and go on their way, or think about it for a second and then go on their way. However, when a powerful wizard comes to Blart's doorstep, Blart chooses to stay at the farm and watch over his pigs!

Blart is then erm....forced to join the wizard, who is named Capablanca. Capablanca tells Blart that they must go and trap the evil god Zoltab. He was imprisoned a long time ago by the other gods, but his minions are digging him up, and they must go stop them. In a little village, they meet an old friend of Capablanca, Beowulf. Beowulf is a warrior who wants to be a knight, but claims that there aren't any quests left. He spends his time looking for quests and getting drunk. When he finds out that Capablanca and Blart are on quest to stop Zoltab, he immediately joins them. Also, later on, they meet a dwarf who guides them to the hole where Zoltab's minions are digging him up. The dwarf's name is Tungsten and he tries to assist them on their quest to stop Zoltab, even though the other dwarfs refuse to help.

I liked this book, because it was one of the funniest books I ever read. I could tell that it was going to be funny right from the start, from the title"The Boy Who Didn't Want To Save The World" and the blurb. Along with the humor in it, it also has action bits(which are funny) and places that have a lot of tension (also funny). All in all, it's a good book to read.

[Vaastray · Rating 3 out of 5]

مکالمه های بین شخصیت ها بسیار جالب بود برای من و واقعا بعضی از قسمت هاش خنده دار. اما از دیدگاه یک فمینیست که بخوام بهش نگاه کنم داستان کلیشه ای بود با نقش های کلیشه ای. مدام حین خوندنش فکر میکردم اگرشخصیت اول داستان رو یک دختر میذاشتن. حتا یک دختر دست و پا چلفتی که دنیا رو نجات میده چقدر بهتر میشد.
تاحالا کتاب کودک و نوجوانی نخوندم که دختر ها توش نجات دهنده ی دنیا باشن همه ی دختر ها همیشه پرنسس هایی هستند که باید با قهرمان داستان ازدواج کنن.

[rameau · Rating 2 out of 5]

You'll either love it or hate it. I'm currently undecided.

The beginning of this book was good, but everything that made the first pages so funny became irritating around page 100 and worse after that. Still, I've read enough fantasy novels to appreciate many of the jabs this parody throws at the genre.

[دانیال بهزادی · Rating 5 out of 5]

کتابش عالی بود. طنز نابی که داشت و هجویه‌ای که از ادبیات فانتزی ارائه می‌داد بسیار هوشمندانه بود.داستان پرکشش و پایان قانع‌کننده‌ای هم داشت

[TOTES AMAZE Pro Reader 123 not me by the way · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very funny fantasy book

[Nolann Legezynski · Rating 5 out of 5]

LISEZ CE LIVRE, C'EST UN CHEF D'OEUVRE D'ÉCRITURE

[Jennifer L. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sometimes I don't always love the books I read with my son (we have different tastes of course) but we both enjoyed this one. I liked the character of Blart who didn't want to be a hero; he just wanted to get back home to his pigs.

[Kara · Rating 1 out of 5]

Don't read it.
It's crap.

[Booker G. A. Feniks · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'm not someone who doesn't finish my books. In all of my life, I have only ever refused to finish 3 books. One, because it used a slur during a sex scene that had nothing at all to do with the use of a slur. Another one because I was too young at the time to read it, & I ended up getting scared (I was around 10 at the time.) And this one. Because it is the most boring, the most unimaginably bad story, full of unlikable & gross characters & a nonsensical plotline, that I have ever read. The only character I remember liking even a little bit, ended up getting killed, & that was what made me put the book down. And make no mistake, when I read this book, I devoured good & bad stories at such a fast rate all the other students in my class couldn't fathom it. I read boring books. I read books with nonsensical plots & unlikable characters. I read books that were so bad, the only place they could end up at was the small primary school I went to in one of the bad parts of town where everyone lived on benefits & 12 year olds smoked cigarettes. But this has been the worst book I have read to this day, & every time I am reminded of its existence I am filled with such over encompassing hatred & anger at it, that I need to go & punch my pillow. I do not miss my copy of the book that I lost, because good effing riddance to it!

Edit, because I forgot about something that really had my blood boiling about this book: I won't spoil it (because maybe some people want to experience just how bad this book is) but the big plot twist at the end I could see for a mile. I am not bragging about being smart, hell no, it usually takes me a good two reads of a book or so to pick up on good plot twists. This, however, wasn't a good plot twist. It was a cliché plot twist. It was a plot twist that had been done so many times before, in so much better ways, that I was mad at this book for including such a plot twist. And, the worst part is, it was probably the most interesting part of this book in the first place, & that makes me even more mad.

[Lee Penney · Rating 3 out of 5]

A story about an anti-hero, well, a null hero really. Blart is a pig farmer, he wants nothing to do with quests, but is forced to join one, by a wizard.

They soon pick up an oafish warrior who wants to become a knight, a grumpy princess and a misguided dwarf. Oh, and there is a flying horse, and some dragons.

So it’s filled with the usual fantasy tropes.

Their aim is to save the world from a dark lord, and Blart happens to be the one person who can save it. There is magic, and adventure, and hijinks.

Except everything’s twisted. Our hero has no desire to be a hero, and no heroic traits. Instead, he’s a useless, whiny lump.

The story is trying to send up the stereotypical fantastical elements made famous by the better-known books in this genre. Once you get past that, the story’s not particularly interesting and it just seems a little lazy, especially the ending.

There’s a second book in the series, but I don’t think I’ll pick it up.

[Rachael · Rating 3 out of 5]

Debating over whether to give it 3 or 4 stars because I did quite enjoy it and frequently chuckled...

I picked this book off my brother's shelf and thought I'd give it a read for a laugh. I was actually pleasantly (if pleasant is the word?!) surprised as the silly childish humour tickled me and I was easily draw into the story of Blart, Capablanca and Beowolf. The style reminded me a little of Galavant (the musical TV series about a knight) and also brought to mind times in school where we had to create a story that revolved around typical fantical creatures (a dwarf, a wizard etc.) and how coming up with the names for them closely resembled the entertaining names in this book (eg. the Great Tunnel of Despair, Hypermodernia, the Terrorsium etc.).

I liked how the author, Barker, went to the effort of explaining little scenarios that tend to go unexplained in many other books. For instance when Blart is pulled out of bed by Capablanca to be forcefully taken on the quest, Barker goes back to settle the reader's questions on Blart's state of dress. And naturally, the explanation is a humourous one (he sleeps in his muddy, dropping-covered day clothes).

I must admit, despite its unusual and unconventional take on the typical adventure story, I did somewhat expect things to tie up a little more at the end. Blart might redeem himself a little and show some genuine admirable qualities, or perhaps in general the characters may have changed a little bit as a result of their quest and so their relationships with each other would have developed... But no. They all ended up pretty much exactly the same as when the story had started. Which in a way added to the humour of it all I suppose.

And now for a (very) long list of quotes that particularly tickled me:

• 'All in all, Blart's physical appearance was really in need of a winning personality or a variety of impressive skills to counterbalance it. Unfortunately, he had neither.' - p8/9
• 'Blart's grandfather disapproved of visitors, on account of the fact that they talked to you and tried to be friendly.' - p9
• 'Blart had never ever had a visitor of his own before. Well, at least not a human one.' - p9
• 'However, far stronger in Blart even than the desire to own the biggest pig farm in the world was the desire to say no to somebody who had asked him to do him a favour.' - p12/13
• 'Zoltab was tempted by power and by evil. Nobody is sure why, but it is suggested that he first became frustrated because his name was last on the register at the Creator's training school and he developed an inferiority complex.' - p13/14
• '"I wanted sauces," said Beo indignantly. "I thought you wanted a quest," Capablanca reminded him.' - p36, when Capablanca impatiently refuses sauces at the inn
• '"Look, I'm very sorry, but I'm a businessman. If it's not good for trade then I don't want to know about it." "But the end of the world will be terrible for trade", argued Capablanca. "You must think long term."' - p53, when Cheery doesn't want to keep the minion locked up in his cellar
• '"You haven't listened to a single word I've said, have you?" he [Capablanca] accused Blart. "I have," replied Blart indignantly. "I can listen to single words. It's just when you stick them together in long bits that I get bored."' - p58
• 'He tried to gallop very fast and then stop very suddenly in the hope that they would shoot over his neck and land in a crumpled heap at his feet. If this worked he planned to trample on them afterwards, because he was a horse who thought ahead.' - p60
• 'And it is true that wizards are not free of the absentmindedness and general befuddlement that can come with age. However, in their case a little confusion can have far more drastic consequences.' - p79
• 'Blart noticed that Capablanca emphasised Nimzovitsch's wisdom and knowledge while glossing over his weakness for becoming trapped under dumplings.' - p87
• '[The Illyrian] economy, instead of being based on the idea of buying, was based on the idea of giving. Everybody gave a share of whatever he or she had to everybody else... Everybody ended up with all the oranges, apples, cheese and everything else that they needed, which is all that an economy is there for in the first place... And because they weren't always competing with each other and trying to make a profit, the Illyrians ended up being friendly and generous to one another and they were the happiest people in the world. It made all the economists mad.' - p131/2
• 'The most impressive reason for swapping - an old man who claimed that he could feel a heart attack coming on and didn't want the wizard to trip over his corpse - actually drew applause from onlookers.' - p135, when the Illyrians let Blart and the others go in front of them all in the long queue
• "Try fruit and counselling" - p138, the Illyrian Queen's suggestion to helping/stopping Zoltab and his minions
• 'Everybody who'd stopped breathing realised that this was going to take a little longer than they'd expected, took a sneaky breath and then stopped again.' - p215
• '" You have died nobly," said Beo. "Sssh, hissed Capablanca. "He isn't dead yet." "Sorry," said Beo. He coughed and tried again. "You are dying nobly."' - p294 to Tungsten

*chuckles a childish chuckle*

[Iacopo · Rating 3 out of 5]

Libretto facile facile, raccontino veloce a tratti carino, a tratti noioso. All'inizio pensavo peggio ed ho continuato perché non si abbandona un libro... Quasi mai. Comunque un po' migliora e magari vedremo di leggere anche successivi.

[Elle Waters · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this when I was a younger and loved it. I am now reading it to my two children and they are absolutely loving it. Sometimes we can’t finish a sentence because we are all laughing so much. It has them enthralled and that’s all you could ask for.

[Madeleine Reed · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved the Blart trilogy when I was a kid; I laughed so hard all the way through! When I was a teenager, I read them to my little brother and he loved them too! The first was definitely my favourite.

[Clarisse · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5

[Antonio Meridda · Rating 3 out of 5]

Divertente fantasy, che ha come protagonista un ragazzino guardiano di porci cui null'altro gli interessa che il suo recinto. Ma che sarà trascinato in comiche avventure dai suoi improbabili compari.

[Gabriel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it

[kazhin_rasoli · Rating 3 out of 5]

فک کنم سه سال پیش خوندمش ولی
قشنگ بود~~

[Yasaman Heydarian · Rating 2 out of 5]

If mose schrute, gandolf, merida and hiccup's dad went on a quest to save the world. It was actually quite funny... from time to time.

[Max Koers · Rating 2 out of 5]

Enjoyable, but not much more

[Manuel Marcello · Rating 4 out of 5]

Un buon libro per avvicinare i più piccoli al genere Fantasy

[Kora · Rating 3 out of 5]

I remember reading this one a while back. It's a solid enough parody of the typical chosen one story with some entertaining aspects to it.

[Hania · Rating 1 out of 5]

Zamysł był dobry, ale mam wrażenie, że pomysłów wystarczyło autorowi tak do połowy, a potem było coraz gorzej. Nie pomagał fakt, że nie polubiłam ani jednego bohatera...

[lemon · Rating 3 out of 5]

the first ever book that I read

[Veronica Repetti · Rating 5 out of 5]

poche cose mi fanno ridere ad alta voce come Blart

[Mala Spina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lettura carina, con qualche guizzo di originalità.