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Splatterism #0.5
Splatterism: The Tragic Recollections of A Minotaur Assailant
A failed suicide attempt unites the last living minotaur, Evander, with the eminent sorcerer and perfidious rake Scammander, who might have lost all of his magical knowledge or might have just stashed it elsewhere to make room for his biggest plot yet.
Bonded by suffering and a special antipathy for humanity, the two set out to do what all villains dream of: destroying the world, one civilization at a time.
But how can two creatures annihilate the world?
This is the pathos-filled recollection of the Beginning of the End, narrated, against his will, by the murderer Evander. It is by turns pithy, lyrical, and harrowing, and best when read in solitude, perhaps under a full moon.
Kindly “eliciting” the tale from Evander is Tristan D’Mure, who loved the world the way it was, and will do all that he must to make sure he obtains the truth of how the world was nearly destroyed—and find Scammander, who is once again mysteriously missing…
Pars Prima is a blood soaked novella of 21,000 words, constituting a grizzly, inclement prelude which is to be succeeded by two novel length entries.
Bonded by suffering and a special antipathy for humanity, the two set out to do what all villains dream of: destroying the world, one civilization at a time.
But how can two creatures annihilate the world?
This is the pathos-filled recollection of the Beginning of the End, narrated, against his will, by the murderer Evander. It is by turns pithy, lyrical, and harrowing, and best when read in solitude, perhaps under a full moon.
Kindly “eliciting” the tale from Evander is Tristan D’Mure, who loved the world the way it was, and will do all that he must to make sure he obtains the truth of how the world was nearly destroyed—and find Scammander, who is once again mysteriously missing…
Pars Prima is a blood soaked novella of 21,000 words, constituting a grizzly, inclement prelude which is to be succeeded by two novel length entries.
- GenresFantasy
73 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 22, 2011
3 people are currently reading
43 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews
March 20, 2018
Dear author and translator, you are evidently widely read. This is clearly a drug-induced story, full of quotes, gore and witty dialogues. Anyway, I have a penchant for poet-warriors and blood-drenched philosophers trading views on Universal Truths while perpetrating genocide.
“I wonder which dies first—your humor or your hope”
This novella is a prelude for a longer tale, it was fun and I want to see if the story is going somewhere at all.
A minotaur riding a pink-maned unicorn? Now. Phantasmagoria? Ah…
Right, the story: Scammander, the greatest wizard of all time, has allegedly forgot his magic and looks like he doesn’t know what he’s about (“but he had not forgotten how to lie, steal, and abandon his friends in a time of need”); one day he meets Evander.
Evander is a Minotaur who sought suicide on his birthday and accidentally chose a bottomless well and landed on a couple of witches who were keeping the amnesiac sorcerer captive.
So begins Evander’s quest for death and Scammander’s education of yet another “errant scion” in the ways of murderdom and poetry. The unlikely heroes journey around an unspecified world trotting through magical gates on a merry killing spree (or on a vengeance mission; for the greater good Evander and some others concur there is no need to let humanity live a moment longer. Not sure about Scammander's motives though).
There are flying ships, legendary minstrels, scantily-clad mature women warriors, ogres, goblins, wraiths, dragons...
"You can tell how vicious a society is by how tall its banks are."
The writing is deliberately convoluted and rich, a pageant of rhetorical figures and smart lyricism, cynical remarks and searing-sharp verbal duels. I have a weakness for adverbs and the English language so this hits a soft spot indeed.
The tones are obviously sarcastic and dark and I enjoyed both the prose and the bizarre characters. Interspersed with the philosophizing, there are lots of splatter scenes as Evander hacks and slashes in his pursuit of Justice. The violence is graphic but so exaggerated that it’s not disturbing, but then I always appreciate a fair bloodbath.
The novella reads more like a series of disjointed encounters than something with an actual plot, then around the end all the gamepieces fall into place and it seems there is a thread after all. The logic eluded me; I’ll see how the story unfolds in the second installment, maybe I’ll catch some answers (if any. Oh, and I was right about the drugs).
“A lot of good silence is ruined by speech”
“I wonder which dies first—your humor or your hope”
This novella is a prelude for a longer tale, it was fun and I want to see if the story is going somewhere at all.
A minotaur riding a pink-maned unicorn? Now. Phantasmagoria? Ah…
Right, the story: Scammander, the greatest wizard of all time, has allegedly forgot his magic and looks like he doesn’t know what he’s about (“but he had not forgotten how to lie, steal, and abandon his friends in a time of need”); one day he meets Evander.
Evander is a Minotaur who sought suicide on his birthday and accidentally chose a bottomless well and landed on a couple of witches who were keeping the amnesiac sorcerer captive.
So begins Evander’s quest for death and Scammander’s education of yet another “errant scion” in the ways of murderdom and poetry. The unlikely heroes journey around an unspecified world trotting through magical gates on a merry killing spree (or on a vengeance mission; for the greater good Evander and some others concur there is no need to let humanity live a moment longer. Not sure about Scammander's motives though).
There are flying ships, legendary minstrels, scantily-clad mature women warriors, ogres, goblins, wraiths, dragons...
"You can tell how vicious a society is by how tall its banks are."
The writing is deliberately convoluted and rich, a pageant of rhetorical figures and smart lyricism, cynical remarks and searing-sharp verbal duels. I have a weakness for adverbs and the English language so this hits a soft spot indeed.
The tones are obviously sarcastic and dark and I enjoyed both the prose and the bizarre characters. Interspersed with the philosophizing, there are lots of splatter scenes as Evander hacks and slashes in his pursuit of Justice. The violence is graphic but so exaggerated that it’s not disturbing, but then I always appreciate a fair bloodbath.
The novella reads more like a series of disjointed encounters than something with an actual plot, then around the end all the gamepieces fall into place and it seems there is a thread after all. The logic eluded me; I’ll see how the story unfolds in the second installment, maybe I’ll catch some answers (if any. Oh, and I was right about the drugs).
“A lot of good silence is ruined by speech”
July 29, 2015
Originally posted at Butterfly-o-Meter Books on Nov 3 2011:
It’s been a while since I’ve basked in the intellectual pleasure of such a read. The novella is, in short, spectacular. Rich in gorgeously suggestive imagery, ingenious writing and incredible characters, the plot makes its lavish, sinuous way to a category of gorgeous all of its own. Fantastic creatures, fantastic worlds, fantastic wording. All around fantastic.
And I was sure it would be, just look at that cover, it’s magnificent! Not to mention the title, I mean, on the title alone, I could have given it a full 5 butterflies!!
Evander is a very intriguing, and charming character. His name makes me think of the French “evader”, or English “to evade”, or the Romanian “a evada” – see how all languages of the world are related? :) -, while Scammander makes me think of the word “scam” a lot. Of course, Scammander, Evander’s companion on a fantastic journey, is a very important being, seeming to be deeply rooted in all worlds, no matter how fantastic they may be, and it is, after all, something of common sense for him to be the guide.
The writing style is the ornate, complex, delicious type; it demands attention, and you’ll need to seduce its meaning, to court it, to prove yourself before it will give itself to you. I will confess it’s a pleasure of mine to read such beauties now and then, to feel thoroughly seduced by its intensity and delectable layering of meaning and imagery; one could say this is a somewhat decadent read, in all intellectual manner. But what I loved about it above all else is that it stirs your mind, it inspires you to ponder, to reflect, to expand your horizons. Above all else, I feel literature has the sacred duty to elevate your spirit, your mind, your degree of knowledge. Entertainment will help you pass the time in a pleasurable way, but real essence, thick, sturdy essence that glides on wisps of imagination and creativity will enrich you.
If you like to taste from the forbidden fruit of beauty, then I say please, please do give this a try. I loved it, decadently.
It’s been a while since I’ve basked in the intellectual pleasure of such a read. The novella is, in short, spectacular. Rich in gorgeously suggestive imagery, ingenious writing and incredible characters, the plot makes its lavish, sinuous way to a category of gorgeous all of its own. Fantastic creatures, fantastic worlds, fantastic wording. All around fantastic.
And I was sure it would be, just look at that cover, it’s magnificent! Not to mention the title, I mean, on the title alone, I could have given it a full 5 butterflies!!
Evander is a very intriguing, and charming character. His name makes me think of the French “evader”, or English “to evade”, or the Romanian “a evada” – see how all languages of the world are related? :) -, while Scammander makes me think of the word “scam” a lot. Of course, Scammander, Evander’s companion on a fantastic journey, is a very important being, seeming to be deeply rooted in all worlds, no matter how fantastic they may be, and it is, after all, something of common sense for him to be the guide.
The writing style is the ornate, complex, delicious type; it demands attention, and you’ll need to seduce its meaning, to court it, to prove yourself before it will give itself to you. I will confess it’s a pleasure of mine to read such beauties now and then, to feel thoroughly seduced by its intensity and delectable layering of meaning and imagery; one could say this is a somewhat decadent read, in all intellectual manner. But what I loved about it above all else is that it stirs your mind, it inspires you to ponder, to reflect, to expand your horizons. Above all else, I feel literature has the sacred duty to elevate your spirit, your mind, your degree of knowledge. Entertainment will help you pass the time in a pleasurable way, but real essence, thick, sturdy essence that glides on wisps of imagination and creativity will enrich you.
If you like to taste from the forbidden fruit of beauty, then I say please, please do give this a try. I loved it, decadently.
June 20, 2012
Let me start off by saying this was one of the strangest and most mind blowing things I have read in a really long time. I started off a little confused and by chapter two thought this had to have been written while the author was dropping acid (in this case not necessarily a bad thing!), it is brilliantly descriptive and once you figure out what’s going on a pretty decent plot.
I’ll be honest, I really struggled to get through the first half of Splatterism simply because I wasn’t really sure what was going on and the author’s language was far above my head with me having to look up just about every other word (thank goodness for kindles built in dictionary, I’m not sure how I read books before it!). However, I was able to overlook all of the obnoxious language once I got about 90% of the way through the book and the book began making fun of its obnoxious language, it gave me a good laugh as well as a nice appreciation of good writing and one hell of a plot twist that I did not see coming, and I absolutely love it when I don’t see the twists coming because most things you read these days are so predictable.
Overall, I’m only rating this as an ok read because of how much I struggled to get through it. I didn’t really get into the story and understand/appreciate it until half way through, but if you enjoy lots of descriptive (and strange) murdering mixed with verbose language, more strangeness and a fast pace then you might love this one.
I’ll be honest, I really struggled to get through the first half of Splatterism simply because I wasn’t really sure what was going on and the author’s language was far above my head with me having to look up just about every other word (thank goodness for kindles built in dictionary, I’m not sure how I read books before it!). However, I was able to overlook all of the obnoxious language once I got about 90% of the way through the book and the book began making fun of its obnoxious language, it gave me a good laugh as well as a nice appreciation of good writing and one hell of a plot twist that I did not see coming, and I absolutely love it when I don’t see the twists coming because most things you read these days are so predictable.
Overall, I’m only rating this as an ok read because of how much I struggled to get through it. I didn’t really get into the story and understand/appreciate it until half way through, but if you enjoy lots of descriptive (and strange) murdering mixed with verbose language, more strangeness and a fast pace then you might love this one.
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews