Beyond Acceptance: Parents of Lesbians and Gays Talk About Their Experiences

by Carolyn Welch Griffin, Marian J. Wirth, Arthur G. Wirth

Based upon discussion and interviews conducted with parents belonging to P-FLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays), a support and advocacy group with over four hundred chapters internationally, Beyond Acceptance provides parents with the comfort and knowledge needed to accept their gay children and build stronger relationships with them. It provides accurate, documented answers to the questions that surface after the initial shock and addresses such concerns "Is it a choice?" "Can it be changed?" and "Did the parents 'cause' their child to be gay?"
With extensive testimony from other parents, this book lets mothers and fathers know that they are not alone and helps them through the emotional stages leading to reconciliation with their children.

Genres: Nonfiction, LGBT, Lesbian, Gay

234 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 1986

Reviews

[Cedric · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is painful to read sometime because I wish my parents had the attitudes of the parents interviewed in this book. But I realize that it took those parents a while to come to terms with their children's sexuality and so I can't expect my own to have those same views. That all being said, this book is very poignant, and it opens up the mind to see things from a different perspective than maybe we're used to.
I like this book. It was very healing for me.

[Miles · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was difficult for me to read at times because it dredged up a lot of pain associated with my coming out. I found myself jealous of the parents in this book, because even after eight years my parents have made little progress towards anything resembling acceptance. However, it was insightful reading the thoughts, fears, and worries of the parents themselves, as my own undoubtedly share them. It is my hope that, by giving this book to my parents, it may work as a catalyst towards acceptance.

I will say that the age of the book shows, particularly in its scope. The parents interviewed came from white, middle class, mostly Christian, backgrounds and it only addressed (as the title says) the plight of lesbians and gays. In the case of my parents, this will work out well because that’s their demographic and the era they’re stuck in, where people thought overbearing mothers and absent fathers created gay children, that queerness is a disease to be fixed. For others, this book will still be relevant, but less so the farther your situation and that of your family strays from the cultural scope. A lot of progress has been made since this book, so trans and gender non-conforming individuals will need other resources in addition to this book should they seek to draw from it.

[Finli · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic, fantastic, fantastic. Amazing tool to understand how it feels for parents to find out their child is lesbian or gay. Through extensive interviews with parents and children, this book details the phases of emotion, grief, acceptance, pride, shame, and everything in between that parents and children can experience in these situations.

Excellent tool for me, a bisexual person, in preparing to come out to my parents. It helped me feel empathy for what they might be going through. Probably an excellent tool for parents trying to understand their own emotions as they go through this as well. Very easy and enjoyable read including actual quotes from interviews of parents and children.

[James · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are planning on coming out to your parents as gay/bi/whatever, please read this book before you do, and give it to them afterwards. Even if you think you know what you are about to put them through, you don't. By all means come out, but understand what effect that will have when you do. This book will help you understand. I can't recommend it highly enough.