Playing With Fire

by Theo Fleury, Kirstie McLellan, Wayne Gretzky (Foreword)

In Playing with Fire , now in trade paperback, Theo Fleury takes us behind the bench during his glorious days as an NHL player, and talks about growing up devastatingly poor and in chaos at home. Dark personal issues began to surface and drinking, drugs, gambling, and girls ultimately derailed his Hall of Fame-caliber career. Fleury shares all in this raw, captivating and honest look at the previously untold story of one of the game's greatest heroes.

Genres: Sports, Hockey, Nonfiction, Biography, Canada, Memoir, Biography Memoir

352 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 2009

About the author

Theoren "Theo" Fleury was born in Oxbow, Saskatchewan, and grew up in the small town of Russell, Manitoba, the eldest of three boys.

Fleury grew up playing hockey, overcoming his small stature by adopting an aggressive and determined style of play. As a youth, he played with the St. James Canadians of the Manitoba Junior Hockey League and the Moose Jaw Warriors of the Western Hockey League. He also twice represented Canada in the World Junior Hockey Championships.

The Calgary Flames drafted Fleury in the 8th round, 166th overall, in the 1987 NHL Entry Draft. He scored 34 points in 36 games in his rookie season, helping the Calgary Flames to the first Stanley Cup in franchise history.

Despite emerging as a remarkable talent in professional and international hockey, Fleury's personal life and eventually his career were disrupted by alcoholism, drug abuse, marital, legal, and financial problems, and gambling. In 2003, Fleury was suspended by the NHL for violating the terms of its substance abuse program.

After spending several years working on his sobriety and playing senior hockey in the North Peace Hockey and Elite Ice Hockey leagues, Fleury launched a comeback attempt with the NHL in 2009. He was reinstated to the NHL on September 10, 2009, and was invited for a try-out by the Calgary Flames. He played four exhibition games with the Flames, delighting Calgary fans. The team released him, and he announced his retirement from professional hockey on September 28h, 2009.

Coauthored with Kirstie McLellan Day, Fleury's autobiography, Playing With Fire, was released on October 16, 2009. The book chronicles the highs and lows of his career, as well as the sexual abuse he allegedly suffered as a youth at the hands of disgraced former hockey coach Graham James. The book became a bestseller in his home country of Canada.

Fleury now works with the American organization 1 in 6, which works with men recovering from sexual abuse.

Reviews

[Buggy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Opening Line: “As far back as I can remember, every hockey rink that I walked into, people would whisper, that’s him …that’s him”

This is a startlingly honest autobiography that any true hockey fan (in particular the Canadian ones) will just eat up. Giving you all the dirt and behind the bench information you weren’t aware you wanted to know. It’s a gritty look at the real NHL, inside the locker rooms, the players, the coaches, the contracts, the money and all that brings to a small town boy who makes it into the big leagues. Oh course here we also get the well publicized issue of Theo’s sexual abuse and eventual fall from grace through drugs and alcohol, walking away from the NHL and millions of dollars in the middle of his career.

I will admit this started out a little slow for me, with a lot (too many) names, stats and specific plays thrown out that as a casual hockey fan I had trouble caring about. (true fans will love it though) However by the end I couldn’t put this down, becoming completely engrossed in Theo’s struggles, personal life and rise and fall within the NHL. He doesn’t hold back anything here and I found it interesting that someone with such a HUGE ego (which is off-putting at times) could talk so honestly about his demons and what a mess he made of his life when he obviously thinks so much of himself.

Theo’s story begins in Russell Saskatchewan -well after the whole suicidal, cocaine infused, gun in mouth, I hate the world prologue that is. A small kid with a lot of anger and a less then ideal upbringing, who discovers hockey as a means of salvation and escape. From day one it was obvious Theo had a gift; walking by himself down to the outdoor rink at the age of 5 with a pair of rusty skates and a broken stick. Three hours later they had to force him to go home. His goal was always to play in the NHL and from the time he was 6 until he got called up in 1989 with the Calgary Flames that was exactly what he was going to do.

We follow Theo through the juniors and minor leagues into Calgary with subsequent trades to New York, Colorado and Chicago. We witness him winning the world junior championship, Stanley Cup, Canada cup, Olympic gold and with 450 career goals we watch a sad, lonely man self destruct in a hurricane of cocaine, alcohol, gambling and strippers. Unable to handle the pressure of the media, ex wives, coaches and the constant drug testing and mandatory rehab Theo simply walks away from it all, spending the next 6 years playing in a beer league and partying. The extent of Theo’s self destruction was unbelievable and truly sad, the absolute waste of it all.

Throughout Theo makes no apologies for his behaviour, laying it all on the table. And while much was made in the media regarding the abuse he suffered by Coach Graham James it wasn’t discussed here to the extent I would’ve expected. It’s my opinion though that it played a huge part in his becoming an addict.

In the end his story comes full circle so that within the final chapters, we also get to see a happily married and sober for the first time in his adult life Theo make a comeback. At the age of 41 and once again playing for Calgary he redeems himself in a 4-4 shootout against the New York Islanders before retiring to life of sobriety and public speaking.
~4.5~

[Sandy Plants · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ugh—yikes—this was both invigorating and triggering. Though it wasn’t “well written”, I appreciate when literature is taken out of the hands of academics and grammar snobs. I like that a redneck just told his story: it was ugly and icky and, god damnit, I both loved and hated reading it.

I never followed Theo as a kid, though I loved hockey. I was aware of him but he never really did it for me. Still, I was aware of the “drug addict” comment that seemed to be attached to his name. I really appreciate that a person who comes from such tough, “suck it up, princess” roots and environments was able to be so candid and vulnerable. That takes guts.

I also wonder how the book would have been different if it had been written now, ten years later—I judge that he has healed a lot in the time since publishing Playing With Fire and probably has lost a lot of the ego and anger that dripped from the pages. I found him frustrating... I can’t say he was a likeable protagonist, but I also relate to that: pushing people away in order to feel safe. Ultimately, I respect that he was able to open up about such scary stuff—that is NOT easy.

And yeah, it was triggering because I am also a survivor of childhood sexual abuse from a person my parents and the community trusted and respected. It hit home HARD. The road to healing is paved with tears and I’m so grateful I’ve learned to cry again. I heard Theo on a podcast where he said “in order to heal, I needed to learn to cry first.” So true. I cried when I heard that. So real.

[Brie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the best memoirs I've ever read. Actually, it's one of the best books I've ever read. I've read a lot of memoirs and biographies, and this one is brutally honest -- heartbreakingly so.

Theo Fleury's book contains many stories. It's the story of a Canadian who grew up poor on the prairies and clung to his dream like a lifeline. It's a story of a broken, lonely childhood plagued by demons and abuse. It's a story about the drive to be the best at a particular sport. It's a story of addiction to booze, drugs, and sex. It's a story of both dizzying success and financial failure. But most of all, it's a story about what it means to be human and what it's like to live in constant pain...and to find relief in things that only make matters worse.

Anyone who loves hockey (especially the Calgary Flames) will love this book. Ditto anyone who's been abused or anyone who struggles (or struggled) with substance abuse and suicidal impulses. Theo has written a book for both sports fans and those who don't care about sports. His story is painful, but it deserves to be heard. And hopefully it will help anyone who struggles with the same issues that affected him.

Thank you, Theo, for writing this book.

[Jen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I couldn't even finish it. The only way I can really describe this is that it sounds like you're sitting at a bar next to some old drunk who is reliving his (long past) glory days and you just want him to shut up. I hated that it the stories were long-winded and went off on a lot of side stories, never sticking to the point. As well as the fact that everyone is referred to by nicknames, which would be fine if there was an initial introduction of the person by the first name. I think McLellan Day really should have taken the stories Fluery told and tried to make sense of them, instead of what seems like just transcribing them word-for-word.

To be fair, I tried to read if after I read Andre Agassi's Open, most biographies would pale in comparison.

[Melanie Popp · Rating 3 out of 5]

Tough read as he's kind of an idiot.

[Matt · Rating 2 out of 5]

For the record, I grew up a big Calgary Flames fan and a fan of Theoren Fleury. This book changed all of that. That it was poorly written probably isn't all his fault (which after having read the book would be fairly consistent, as nothing he ever did was his fault), as it almost seems like it was spoken into a tape recorder over a weekend and then transcribed onto paper. I've learned that he had problems with coaches in the NHL because "all coaches are idiots," he flipped off home crowd fans in New York and visiting fans in Long Island because evidently they are the ones who had no class, the Calgary Flames would have moved or folded (yes he does say this) if it was not for him, he calls himself an elite athlete about twenty times, refers to himself as being the only player on the team in his Calgary years and is genuinely less likeable than he even came off as a player. This is saved from a "one star" book for me only because of the references that it makes to so many players I enjoyed watching in my youth. Reading the book did not give me a better understanding of him in the way that I had hoped... as a redemptive story about a man who overcame something terrible and at leastr became a good man if nothing else. I do not believe that he is, and this is after reading HIS OWN words! How he can be so critical of so many (Kerry Fraser, Don Cherry, Chris Chelios, Dave King, Pierre Page, John Muckler, Europeans - he'd have none on his team, and so many former teammates) and so unable to take criticism himself is astonishing. The saddest part is that this is a person who truly cannot seem to be happy, and as a result his book left ME feeling grouchy enough to write this review.

[catechism · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read this quickly, which is theoretically a good sign, but I can't say I enjoyed it all that much. It was disjointed and all over the place, and I thought it petered out at the end. Also, despite my respect for Fleury as a hockey player and as a dude who went through a lot of nasty stuff and came out the other side and wrote a book about it and is trying to move on and help people -- I really, really didn't like him. It was all fairly small stuff, but it piled up, and by the time I got to the end of the book and he was talking about how he has the Chinese symbol for loyalty tattooed on his arm and he looks at it every day and meditates on how he will never again cheat on his wife... let's just say I was glad the book was over. I suspect some of that could have been mitigated by a better ghostwriter, but alas.

[Jessica Lubbers · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wasn’t able to root for Theo in this book at all until the very last chapter, “The Comeback”. Everything he did throughout this book frustrated me, angered me, or annoyed me. I was rolling my eyes at his arrogance and cockiness throughout the whole book, and it felt like several of the chapters were on repeat. I don’t know how many times he mentioned his “2 credit cards, each with a $50,000 limit”. Theo thinks he is (was) God’s gift to hockey, and even today, you can tell that this perception of himself hasn’t changed. I’m not dismissing the trauma he did go through, I wouldn’t wish that on anybody and nobody deserves to have that happen to them. But overall, after reading this book, I can’t stand Theo Fleury

[Chrisine · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ugh. Theo is so full of himself it was nauseating to read at times. Im the best. I won a Stanley Cup what did you do? I have ___ points. I won this I won that. Woe is me. One of the worst hockey bios I have read.

[Sydney Webster · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book definitely reminded me of another honest and raw sports autobiography, Andre Agassi's Open, which is referenced in one of the quotes on the back cover. It was pretty much what I expected: Fleury's exploits on and off the ice told from the perspective of a (slightly) matured former NHL player. Although I am a hockey fan, the off-ice stuff was the most interesting, including the courageous retelling of Fleury's sexual abuse at the hands of a former coach and his subsequent struggles with substance abuse, infidelity, and gambling. It did feel like Fleury did a lot of the writing, for better and worse, leading to some pretty striking passages but also some repetitive sections and an occasionally dry writing style that drags down what could've been an excellent memoir. I admired Fleury's honesty and the reflections on his poor behaviour, and I think this is a good cautionary tale for young athletes who should know the exploitative nature of the industry that so many are desperate to be a part of. I think that Open, as well as Bob Probert's Tough Guy are more successful versions of this kind of project, but there's certainly a lot of valuable lessons to be learned here and the reading experience was enjoyable overall.

[Ashley Dalley-Follett · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5/5 ⭐️ this was not my typical style of book to read but really enjoyed learning about his story.

[Ian · Rating 5 out of 5]

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[Ulysses · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have zero interest in athlete autobiographies as a genre. As exciting as a great athlete like Wayne Gretzky or Michael Jordan may have been to watch during their career, in retrospect it all boils down to "I scored this many points, won these awards and championships, and retired on this date"-- and I can just check out their stats online if I want a reminder of those numbers. For me to be interested in anything an athlete has to say, there needs to be something special about them beyond their profession.

Enter Theo Fleury, who combined all-star hockey talent with a rattlesnake temperament... in a 5'6" 150-pound package. When I first got into hockey in the early 1990s, Fleury was one of the most exciting players in the game, putting up 90+ point seasons, hamming it up with epic goal celebrations, picking fights with players a foot taller and half again his weight, and trash-talking referees, opposing fans, and even mascots for bonus anti-hero style points. But what kind of background would produce this combination of skill and anger? And where might a volatile personality like this end up, if they made the wrong life choices and didn't know how to ask for help? This book answers these questions. It's supremely entertaining (albeit lowbrow), crammed full of fun 1990s-2000s NHL anecdotes you won't find elsewhere, and most importantly, is a really exemplary illustration of a person who spent decades wallowing in anger and self-destructive addictions but who eventually chose to take ownership of their life, clean up their act, and reboot their prospects by trying to help others instead of continuing to sit around getting high and feeling sorry for themselves. (At its core, this is a memoir about recovering from sexual abuse and addiction, not a hockey memoir, but given the ubiquitous hockey backdrop against which the entire story unfolds, it would be a challenge for a non-hockey fan to follow it.)

A number of other reviewers here complain that Fleury is an arrogant, self-centered jerk who doesn't actually own up to his mistakes. I didn't get that impression at all-- or rather, I agree that he comes across as an arrogant, self-centered jerk, but he's also an arrogant, self-centered jerk who chose to make himself exceptionally vulnerable and is taking responsibility for (most of) his mistakes, both as part of his own healing process and to serve as a role model to others. It may be that some readers find his arrogance so off-putting that they have a hard time perceiving that such a person could also believe themselves to be responsible for their own actions. But that's what I saw, and I felt that this combination of arrogance and vulnerability made for a compelling and strangely sympathetic character.

All that said, it's confusing and sad that someone who leveraged their fame to speak out against sexual abuse, addiction, and racism against indigenous Canadians, and to advocate for the importance of vulnerability and compassion in a society that does not teach men these skills, has subsequently become a mouthpiece for political ideologies that valorize hardness and are contemptuous of compassion. It's hard to square Fleury's current doings with the person he had become at the end of this book... just goes to show that (surprise!) people are complicated.

[Sharkie · Rating 3 out of 5]

So I wasn't the biggest fan of this book, but it's genuinely not a bad book. I read it for a book report, which sometimes has a way of tarnishing the reading process, but there's other, more normal, reasons I didn't like it as much.

One would be all the hockey. I'm a major hockey fan (for the Leafs, so we all know how invested I have to be in hockey) and I like hearing hockey stories, but this was full of explaining games, which I wasn't expecting and got a little boring. I thought the book focused on Theo and his life after the abuse, which is was, but it's also about the various hockey games he won and goals he scored. It can get a bit tiring.

Then we have his writing style. It's straightforward in a way that takes too long, if that makes any sense. He's a hockey player, not a writer, and even though he probably had plenty of help from Kirstie with the writing, it was very... hockey player.

But this book focuses on a hard topic, and it's hard to describe a life that Theo probably absolutely hates. It seemed like he was steering away from talking about James, and that makes sense. It must be hard to talk about stuff like that after so long.

Anyway, that's about all I have to say. Basically this is a condensed version of my report, which was obviously wonderfully written, but yes. I suggest this book if your a hockey fan, especially one of Theo in his prime. If you don't know/like hockey... This probably isn't the book for you.

[fire_on_the_mountain · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'll give Fleury credit for pulling no punches, speaking the truth, and being fully open about everything he has experienced in his life and career. It's a difficult read in parts, but you almost feel like you're sitting down with him, hearing him talk about everything. And that is where I think the book needed improvement: I get the impression that his editors let him shoot from the hip so fully, that instead of a story of victimization and redemption that could transcend the genre, you get a great hockey memoir from a memorable player who dealt with some major issues. Considering the weight of his story, and what he dealt with, hockey should almost have been moved from the foreground and told us more about the man himself. This is a hockey fan's book, when it could have been something far more universal. Considering the soul-searching and pain brought on by the Jerry Sandusky case, I feel that Theo's struggles could be very instructive, and how he came around to seek help and help himself. Overall, I'd recommend this to any hockey fan, and anyone with an interest in an unfiltered character study would find this interesting as well.

[Jason Saunders · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an amazing tale of Theo and his constant struggle with his internal issues and demons. Like many children that are abused his copping mechanisms were far from ideal and he actually appears to have masochistic tendencies feeling the need to treat himself badly and that he doesn't deserve any better. The supressed issues that have never been dealt with gain momentum throughout his life and eventually present as substance abuse at various stages. Theo had an amazing career as a hockey player winning a Stanley cup, world Jr. championship, world championship, Olympic gold and managing to be a 50+ goal scorer on two occasions. It is hard to believe that anybody could be so effective while dealing with issues as complex and devastating. I can only imagine then kind of career Theo could have had if he had not been subject to such disgusting abuse as a child, and did not have to self-medicate to deal with the situation. What could have been had he been able to play his entire career free of drugs and alcohol? I guess we will never truly know what heights Theo could have obtained if he was allowed to reach his full potential uninhibited.

[Kate · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found the author to be a selfish, entitled jerk. He managed to turn every scenario to meet his agenda. He constantly contradicts himself, such as when he brags about how he constantly got under opposing players kinds by saying crap like he had pictures of their naked girlfriend. Then later a player tells him he will just end up doing coke again and he gets on his pedestal that hockey has no place for comments like that. Whatever dude.

This whole entire book is basically him bragging about what a bad ass he was. He doesn't seem to genuinely regret anything. I felt really bad for his kids.

What I did like about it is that while he had a ghost writer, he maintained a unique personality voice throughout the book. And whether his views were justified, or more normally, not, he made no qualms about his opinion on things. In comparison, I read Bobby Orr's book and found that he was Too humble and reluctant to share stories. I'd like to find a hockey players book that meets more in the middle.

I really enjoyed the scene where IGgy tells him he doesn't have the balls to go to Vegas, and they end up taking an impromptu trip there Lol.

[Joy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Though Fleury has an amazing story to share, it was incredibly difficult for me to get through this book. Fleury's experiences should have made him a character that I could sympathize with and cheer for. However, one thing gets in the way. His huge ego.

It seemed as if he couldn't go one page without proclaiming how talented he was or how the whole world was against him. I grew tired of his penchant for blaming other people for his own mistakes very quickly. I was pretty annoyed whenever he said that hockey these days is a joke, that it was way better in his day.

While this book's brutal honesty is compelling, Fleury's personality (on paper, at least) is just a big turn-off. I could not find a hero to root for in this man.

[Jay Kennedy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I grew up playing in these small rinks. I know exactly what the vibe is in small town Canada when the only way out is the hockey rink. I know the buzz when Theoren Fleury played in Moose Jaw, when I'd fall asleep at night listening to Warriors games as a 9 year old kid, and becoming a fan over the airwaves.
The diminutive Fleury faces his lifelong battles with honesty in this book, although I do feel at times he skirts responsibility on certain issues. Not pertaining to the abuse of course, but when backed against the wall he does have a myriad of excuses for certain behaviors . Having not walked in his shoes , it's tough to say that, never the less, it's very frank. I appreciated it from front to back , and would highly recommend.

[Svante Suominen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Kokaiinia, alkoholia, naisia, rahaa ja hitosti NHL-tehopisteitä. Kirjassa fiilistellään reilun 350 sivun verran edellä mainittuja Theon elämän palasia. Änärin päihdeohjelmat palkattomine huileineen alkoivat purra vasta tuloksenteon heikennettyä. Tuntuu, että lapsuudessa koetut anteeksiantamattomat tapahtumat ajoivat miehen oheisiin riippuvuuksiin.

Täältä NHL-ympyröiden ulkopuolelta tuntuu, että nykyvauhdin pelaajat pääsevät availemaan korkkia pikkusen harvemmin kuin 90-luvun sankarit eikä "samoilla silmillä" voiteta enää ottelun pistetilastoja. Kyllä kiekkoilukulttuuri ja kiekko menee parempaan suuntaan. Hooray for New Time hockey!

[Julie Edmundson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I did enjoy the story/message behind this book. It was hard to read sometimes the way he spoke about his ex wives, meanwhile he’s off cheating on her. I’m not sure if he’s talking in the mindset he had at the time and his mind is different now which it could be and hope it is. Hurt people hurt people which he spoke about himself but I’m not sure he realizes it’s the same for other people. Glad he got his life turned around and found someone that he actually wants to be loyal to. Wish him the best.

[Valzebub · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quite a story! I had been a fan of Fleury back in the 90s. Had a little memory of him having some troubles, but never knew the story. What a crazy eye-opener to read this. I wish he'd gone a bit more in to some stories from his playing days, but overall you get a great feeling for the game. I think the final chapter may be the most insightful one as you get to see how the game is now and how much more pampered and paid the players are.

[Don · Rating 5 out of 5]

Abrasively brash, consistently crass, very vulgar, and yet, quite truthfully written from the heart. One of the better Hockey books that I have ever read. If you can get by the foul language and swearing throughout, this is a great book.

I would suggest trying to get ahold of the Paperback version with the extra Chapter that is not in the Hardback release.

[Austin Kuhn · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 Stars. Rating books like this can be tough. Not at all disregarding the trauma of his early life or his recovery and I appreciate his openness. But the writing/storytelling of the book felt choppy (even for a hockey biography), and some parts felt unnecessary. And even though he’s recovered and that’s really great, his “full of himself” attitude throughout the book often made it hard to read.

[Matt Sarosy · Rating 2 out of 5]

While it’s terrible what he experienced as a child, he speaks so badly of former teammates and other players, that he comes across very poorly. Out of all the former players autobiographies I’ve read, Fleury is by far the most full of himself.

[Dane Winkler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful book
Lots of crazy insider stories
Some bragging (which is totally OK when you are Theo!)
Nothing too graphic but this was released about the same time as the Penn St debacle, coincidentally.

[Greg DeVos · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such an emotional read. We often put elite athletes on a pedestal and worship their prowess and accolades. But at the end of the day - they are just human beings and subject to the same types of errors and misjudgement as the rest of us.

[Brent Richardson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic. Brutally honest heart wrenching and warming at the same time.

[Nicole Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book. Very sad and dark
Great bio

[Scott N. Beauchamp · Rating 5 out of 5]

Favorite Hockey Player