Real-Time Relationships: The Logic of Love

by Stefan Molyneux

For thousands of years, humanity has attempted to enforce ethics through supernatural and secular punishments; this rabid aggression has been both necessary and ridiculous. It has been necessary because a rational proof of secular ethics has never been achieved; it has been ridiculous because it is impossible to imagine any scientific or mathematical argument being advanced in such a hysterical and violent manner.

“Ethics” has been one of the great government programs of history; since kings and priests ruled mankind, only those philosophers who served their interests tended to get promoted to prominence, rather than imprisoned, poisoned or burned. Thus, over 2,500 years since its inception, the discipline of ethics remains largely subjectivist, relativist and cultural – and was not only unable to restrain, but may have played a part in promoting the horrors, wars and genocides of the 20th century, the bloodiest hundred years of history of our species.

Stefan Molyneux, host of Freedomain Radio, has written "Universally Preferable Behavior: A Rational Proof of Secular Ethics,” which presents radical and rational arguments for a nonreligious, non-statist, entirely secular set ethical standards which validate the nonaggression principle – thou shalt not initiate force against thy fellow human – and the fundamental logic for respecting property rights.

Rigorous, analytical and challenging, “Universally Preferable Behavior” provides a solid foundation for secular ethics. This book solves the ancient philosopher Petrarch’s dichotomy, which is that it is better to will the good than know the truth. Armed with the arguments in “Universally Preferable Behavior,” you can both know the truth and will the good.

Genres: Philosophy, Nonfiction, Relationships, Psychology, Self Help, Love

365 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2008

About the author

Stefan Molyneux is the founder and host of Freedomain Radio, the largest and most popular philosophical show in the world. With more than 2,600 podcasts, 10 books and 50 million downloads, Stefan has spread the cause of liberty and philosophy to listeners throughout the world.

As the host of Freedomain Radio, Stefan has interviewed experts Noam Chomsky, Dr. Nathaniel Branden, Dr. Warren Farrell, Peter Schiff, Dr. Peter Boghossian, Dr. Mary J. Ruwart and many others.

Prior to launching Freedomain Radio, Stefan built a thriving career as a software entrepreneur and executive. In 2006, he left his work in the tech industry to devote his efforts to Freedomain Radio. Now a self-identified full-time parent and philosopher, Stefan speaks regularly at liberty-themed events all over North and South America. His speeches cover subjects ranging from politics, philosophy, science, atheism and economics to relationships, parenting and how to achieve real freedom in your life.

Stefan is the author of two novels, "Revolutions" and "The God of Atheists," as well as eight non-fiction books on relationships, government and religion.

Past live appearances include presentations at the New Hampshire Liberty Forum, the Porcupine Freedom Festival, Libertopia, Students For Liberty, FreedomFest, LibertyNow, Capitalism and Morality, LibertyFest West, the Brazilian Mises Institute's Idieas em Movimento, Freedom Summit, and the Global Escape Hatch.

Stefan has participated in a number of live debates, among them: "Bitcoin vs. Gold: The Future of Money" with Peter Schiff, "Zeitgeist Versus the Market" with Peter Joseph, "The Function of the State in Society" with Professor Vladimir Safatle and "How Much Government is Necessary?" with Michael Badnarik.

In addition to hosting his own regular show, Stefan has been a guest on audio and television programs such as RT America's "Breaking the Set" with Abby Martin, "Adam vs. The Man" with Adam Kokesh, "The Keiser Report" with Max Keiser and "The Joe Rogan Experience" with Joe Rogan.

Reviews

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

After my four-year relationship with my first boyfriend failed, I began an arduous process of understanding what went wrong, and reexamining what it means to be in a healthy relationship. I spent a year reflecting, and the next six months reconstructing my philosophy on love. Many of these new notions were dismantled when I fell in love again, but the wisdom from two books created a foundation that would stick and be built upon for the strength of that new relationship. Those two books were Don Miguel’s The Mastery of Love, and Real-Time Relationships: The Logic of Love by Stefan Molyneux.

The book mainly focused on and explored two ideas: healthy communication, and one of my core values, honesty. As Molyneux explains, it is not only important to be honest with others, but with yourself as well. His philosophy challenges readers to look deeper within themselves to discover the roots of their emotional triggers. The Real-Time Relationship further demonstrates how to communicate one’s emotions with their significant other, and how the couple can help each other with the subsequent exploration of said emotions. It's less an application of logic and more an application of virtue.

Though Molyneux’s philosophy can help improve anyone’s relationships and friendships, his language does tend to border on hyperbolic. He also includes political examples from his libertarian viewpoint, which, as a libertarian myself, do not bother me, but may seriously put off readers of other political persuasions. I find these two aspects of the book to be significant writing flaws; a message such as this one should be accessible to as wide a range of people as possible (of course it could be that this matter is low on Molyneux's goals for the book). However, if one can look past that to the core of this book, they will find a guide for finding deep, genuine intimacy with their loved ones.

[Bianca A. · Rating 4 out of 5]

A compelling philosophical work on virtue and honesty within relationships.

Although I quite enjoyed and equally resonated with the ideas of the author's narrative and argumentation, I did feel like occasionally at some important points things became too narrow and rigid. It nonetheless remains one of the soundest contemporary books on philosophy of virtue and truth that we ought to be practicing in our daily lives within our relationship with everything, from ourselves to the state and to our significant peers. Some statements and conclusions from this work are bound to change your outlook, but others may leave no mark whatsoever. The first half of the book was definitely a five star that slowly turned into a 4 to 3 star by the end. I couldn't help but feel that some things were over repeated and then ultimately rushed. Molyneux nonetheless remains a very solid contemporary philosopher whose works will really provoke you to thought and action.

[Antoniya Gospodinova · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book met me in the beginning of new relationship and helped me to build clearer and honest communication with my partner.
The book has potential to change lives.
It's brilliant!

[☆ deanna ☆ · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just WOW.
If I could make everyone in the world read a book and put the philosophy discussed into practice in their daily lives...it would be this book.

I read this with my boyfriend and took notes about every 10 pages together, and had discussions with him about it. And I am certain for a fact, our relationship is set on a solid foundation with the knowledge and understanding of real-time relationships.

Truly a mind blowing book that needs to be read with caution, because it will change your life and the way you view others and relationships. This book is why I only have 1 true friend.

I am going to revist this book very often as it is the core of my relationship with my boyfriend. Best of luck to those you decide to read it.

[J V · Rating 4 out of 5]

I feel like I was too brief and too quick to review and rate this book. This book is going to help you analyze your relationships and what you should expect and what others should expect from you. Period. It will absolutely make you think about how you approach your relationships, and whether it's a win-win or a win-lose scenario (which we are mostly brought up win-lose, so it's the norm). When you do find someone who wants a win-win, and who truly wants the truth because they have absolute trust and respect for you to tell them, it's a wonderful thing. I'm going to warn you though: It's extremely uncommon to find a person like that. You have to really search. But it's very difficult to put some of this book into practice and filter the ones around for convenience vs actual friendship. Actual friendship where honesty and virtue is at the core. Where you aren't afraid to speak your mind. In fact, when you do, those people love you more for being open and honest vs petty and defensive.

This book is going to be for people who are curious enough to want to know why people feel the way they do towards them. They are genuinely interested in the reason people are in their lives, etc.

It's a pretty great book but start with On Truth: The Tyranny of Illusion first.

[Honeywine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Easy read, challenging practice.

[Chloe Mogg · Rating 5 out of 5]

Took me a long time to finish this book seeing as it’s so hands on.

Conclusion; the truth hurts but it’s the most beautiful thing. Life is too short for me to be feeling anxious emotions that aren’t needed. A change is coming :)

[Connor Colvin · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book covers a good array of practical tools for building a healthy and genuinely strong relationship. It helps the reader understand in depth foundational aspects such as fairness and proactive love when trying to build bonds with a partner.

[Ando · Rating 5 out of 5]

Teach this in school!

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

This may be one of the better books by Stefan Molyneux, and it is not because I suddenly appreciate the style of writing, or that I like the certainty Molyneux sometimes assert things with, and neither because the philosophy is different. It is all about the scope of the topic, relationships, with which Molyneux manages to touch upon very much in his philosophical framework in an orderly and coherent way. It is not exactly a book I would recommend to anyone, I feel that one have to be familiar with the author himself in order to not be blown away by some of the issues that are put fort rather matter of factly. If you are familiar, or interested in his views, maybe by listening to the podcast, this book will get you behind the philosophy and psychology of Molyneux thinking. Here you will find the building of the whole argument regarding relationships and on the way, it will give you a lot to think about and a multitude of good quotes to have in your pocket. This is also one of the longer books Molyneux has written, so there are parts that feel repetitive and somewhat unnecessary, but they are also there for a reason in order to elaborate on the theory.

[Alejandro Heracles al-Mu'minin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is available for free @ https://freedomainradio.com/free/

Empathy is taught in this book, showing how people frame their expectations.

Observations are wide and relevant as to how culture maintains itself as analysis draws conclusions even those romantically involved would be blind to.

Overall an interesting and very useful study in human behavior and psychological patterns in relationships.

[Natalie C Vedder · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is easier to read if you have listened to some of the author's podcasts before diving in. He is a Libertarian philosopher, but unlike many I've heard speak, he is positive and hopeful for the future. I found myself talking back to him throughout. He tends to hyperbole sometimes. So, why give it a 4 star? Because it prodded my thinking a lot.

[Wes · Rating 4 out of 5]

Like a conversation with a good friend. Important information to know.

"Using false moral arguments to exploit children based on their desire to be good is the very core of corruption and evil."

"Love requires honesty, courage, integrity and virtue, both because these traits are admirable, and also because they foster predictability and security in intimate relations."

[John Mladenik · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was my least favorite of Molyneux's books. I didn't get it at all. I'm not sure human relationships are something that can be logically described or defined. Worth reading, after reading all of his other books.

[Sebi Mihalache · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books I’ve ever read. I never thought there are so many ways in which we lie to ourselves in order to avoid painful truths. I never realized that most relationships in my life were shallow, manipulative or downright abusive.

[Emily Daubert]

Potentially life-changing

[Evan East · Rating 5 out of 5]

I choose to be a rational, confident and curious man.

[Radu Cebotari · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book doesn't match my experience and the experience of people around me. Morality is not the main criteria by which we select long-term partners. The author uses a specific system of morality derived from the judeo-christian tradition, which may not apply to all societies (for example Eastern Asia which has the concept of face and encourages social lies). In more western societies we effectively lie in order to promote ourselves as more desirable partners by inflating our positive traits and choosing not to talk about our negative ones.

Maybe I'll give this book another read. I listened to it in audio format which wasn't optimal because the author has the tendency to write long-winded phrases which are harder to follow.

[Mark · Rating 1 out of 5]

Another Dumpster Fire!


Stefan Molyneux is a Midget Racist who seems too have Mommy issues who pretends that his philosophy/ Hobby has any real value. This book is just a self loathing pile of turd. Take a look at the guys wife and she is a criminal. So, this guy is giving dating advice while simultaneously being a white supremacists mommy issues and dating a criminal. This clown is nothing, but a con man larpping as a someone relevant.


The writer lives in a echo chamber pretending that he is made a difference in the world and this clown is thinks he can give dating & relationships advice??

This Midget is a walking contradiction.

[Toffee Mama · Rating 4 out of 5]

I gave four stars but I feel as though I'm being generous, as I really felt it deserves 3.5. There were enough shining moments to make the book worth reading, but big sections are repetitive or not as "logical" as the author likes to think. If you like his call-in podcast shows(and I do), you'll probably like this book.

[Gazor · Rating 5 out of 5]

As my first psychology book introduced to me by a friend it definitely opened my eyes and expanded my emotional thinking. I say if your emotionally smart (or consider yourself being that) give this book a read so you can gain a better foundation and understanding of emotion and relationships. Definitely an eye opener. Thank you for introducing me to this book.

[Julissa Dantes-castillo · Rating 2 out of 5]

Nothing new here

I was so disappointed after reading this book, because with this guy you expect to realize the things you are doing wrong but in this book he just says the same things over and over