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Hidden Lives: A Family Memoir
Margaret Forster's grandmother died in 1936, taking many secrets to her grave. Where had she spent the first 23 years of her life? Who was the woman in black who paid her a mysterious visit shortly before her death? How had she borne living so close to an illegitimate daughter without acknowledging her? The search for answers took Margaret on a journey into her family’s past, examining not only her grandmother's life, but also her mother’s and her own. The result is both a moving, evocative memoir and a fascinating commentary on how women’s lives have changed over the past century.
320 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1995
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555 people want to read
About the author
Margaret Forster
67 books199 followersMargaret Forster was educated at the Carlisle and County High School for Girls. From here she won an Open Scholarship to Somerville College, Oxford where in 1960 she was awarded an honours degree in History.
From 1963 Margaret Forster worked as a novelist, biographer and freelance literary critic, contributing regularly to book programmes on television, to Radio 4 and various newpapers and magazines.
Forster was married to the writer, journalist and broadcaster Hunter Davies. They lived in London. and in the Lake District. They had three children, Caitlin, Jake and Flora.
From 1963 Margaret Forster worked as a novelist, biographer and freelance literary critic, contributing regularly to book programmes on television, to Radio 4 and various newpapers and magazines.
Forster was married to the writer, journalist and broadcaster Hunter Davies. They lived in London. and in the Lake District. They had three children, Caitlin, Jake and Flora.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 72 reviews
February 24, 2014
This book's only fault was that it was so compelling, I stayed up far too late each night reading it :-)
August 24, 2018
I'm not a big reader of non-fiction, and I also rarely write reviews on here, but I really enjoyed this book and felt compelled to share how it impacted me. I've never read any Margaret Forster, but my mother gave me this book to read after she had read it. It's been sitting on my shelf for a couple of years now, and my mother has since passed away, so I felt it was time to pick it, if only to have another moment of "connection" with her. Margaret has made a true story into something beautiful and readable, and I felt completely drawn into her family. She is the same age as my mother and it was really interesting to see a different perspective on the life of someone from her generation. A well-crafted and eye-opening look into the changing role of women over three generations. I was especially moved by her final words, that although at times it feels like "nothing has changed" for women, we must never forget how much HAS been achieved, otherwise we dishonour our INCREDIBLE mothers, grandmothers, and great-grandmothers. I am immensely proud of the women in my family that have gone before and forged the path ahead, and this book has only made me prouder.
December 23, 2021
The reason I'm giving this book three stars is because although, I consider this book an important book from the perspective of the feminist revolution yet many a times, I felt pretty irritated with the style of writing. The narrative didn't seem like it was going anywhere. Also, when I picked up this book I didn't know that it had anything remotely to do with the feminist revolution, its mostly an after thought, so really, reading about some random people with names whom I hadn't heard before and listening to their life history seemed so pointless.
Praise: This book talks about the every day life of women from the working class and documents events from women across three generations of one such family. So naturally, there's much that changes gradually, over time. In retrospect, I think we read alot of books about the collective aspect that lies in the feminist movement, but here's a chance for us to see what life looked like during those years when everything was just unfolding, the years when women did as they were told to, the years of a little more liberation, the angst from not being given equal opportunities to do more, and how life changed for women, how women's aspirations changed, and how opportunities opened up for women. Women didn't just have to fight for their rights in offices, but also at their homes because even their mothers and grandmothers had set certain expectations of them of what women 'ought' to do. 'A woman ought to look ' nice' or they won't find husbands, A woman's life is all about getting married, having kids, and the domestic life' . This book is certainly unique in that way that it enables us to really understand how slow this change ( of liberalisation of women) happened, the little changes in the life of women over time.
Qualms : One, it is tedious and difficult to get through. Yes, the writing style is fairly accessible but after a point it gets monotonous, reading about chores, shopping groceries, doing laundry, family vacations, that kind of stuff.
One thing that bugged me the most was Forester keeps blaming/ cursing her mother for how her mother's life had turned out, without being empathetic to the circumstances her mother had been brought up in. She also complains of her mother's ways ( dressing, food choices, etc) and how her mother did not adapt to the changing times, which I found, in a sense, lacking empathy (again). You can't expect someone to change how they live their life, when they've been brought up in certain way.
Lastly, we learn nothing about Margeret Ann Jordan's illegitimate daughter ( I'm not even sure after reading 300+ pages if she had an illegitimate daughter) and who the woman in black was, who visited Lilian's mother before she died. I mean, that's what the book was supposed to tell us about right from the beginning.
Praise: This book talks about the every day life of women from the working class and documents events from women across three generations of one such family. So naturally, there's much that changes gradually, over time. In retrospect, I think we read alot of books about the collective aspect that lies in the feminist movement, but here's a chance for us to see what life looked like during those years when everything was just unfolding, the years when women did as they were told to, the years of a little more liberation, the angst from not being given equal opportunities to do more, and how life changed for women, how women's aspirations changed, and how opportunities opened up for women. Women didn't just have to fight for their rights in offices, but also at their homes because even their mothers and grandmothers had set certain expectations of them of what women 'ought' to do. 'A woman ought to look ' nice' or they won't find husbands, A woman's life is all about getting married, having kids, and the domestic life' . This book is certainly unique in that way that it enables us to really understand how slow this change ( of liberalisation of women) happened, the little changes in the life of women over time.
Qualms : One, it is tedious and difficult to get through. Yes, the writing style is fairly accessible but after a point it gets monotonous, reading about chores, shopping groceries, doing laundry, family vacations, that kind of stuff.
One thing that bugged me the most was Forester keeps blaming/ cursing her mother for how her mother's life had turned out, without being empathetic to the circumstances her mother had been brought up in. She also complains of her mother's ways ( dressing, food choices, etc) and how her mother did not adapt to the changing times, which I found, in a sense, lacking empathy (again). You can't expect someone to change how they live their life, when they've been brought up in certain way.
Lastly, we learn nothing about Margeret Ann Jordan's illegitimate daughter ( I'm not even sure after reading 300+ pages if she had an illegitimate daughter) and who the woman in black was, who visited Lilian's mother before she died. I mean, that's what the book was supposed to tell us about right from the beginning.
January 19, 2016
Love Margaret Forster's writing generally but to have such an incredible and personal insight into her family life was astonishing, beautifully written and perfectly captured the essence of a bygone era and all of the 'stuff' that happens in families. Many moments of this book keep coming back to me at the oddest times - which illustrates just how deeply it resonated with me. Hope you enjoy it just as much.
May 24, 2014
I am a great fan of the British novelist Margaret Forster. She writes fiction that is thoughtful, insightful and readable. Her range is extensive: no two books of hers are the same. One has only to read 'Georgy Girl', 'Lady's Maid' and 'Over' to realise that she is capable of writing about almost any issue, emotion and time period. 'Hidden Lives', a semi-autobiographical memoir about three generations of women in her family (including herself) from the latter part of the 19th century to the latter part of the 20th, further demonstrates her enviable versatility. It's not as good as most of her other work, but it's nonetheless an interesting and engaging read.
'Hidden Lives' focuses on the author's grandmother, Margaret Ann, the author's mother, Lilian (and Lilian's two sisters), and the author herself. It examines how the role of women, in particular working-class women, changed during the period in question and how new attitudes, expectations and opportunities have reshaped the lives of women in general and their place in today's society. It's beautifully written in deceptively simple, readable prose that draws the reader in. There are, however, a couple of problems. The middle section of the book, in which Forster describes her own childhood, is not as interesting as the rest of the memoir and is a tad predictable and unoriginal. I have read a fair few novels - for example, those by Stan Barstow, John Braine and Alan Sillitoe - that highlight the lives and struggles of working class families, often those in the north of England, and the challenges they faced in response to rapidly changing social conditions. So when Margaret Forster describes the difficulties she experienced as a bright, intelligent youngster with a love of books in a household in which neither of her parents shared her passion for literature, I feel as though I have read it all before. The other problem is that Forster is unable to provide the reader with a satisfactory resolution to some of the more interesting problems posed in the book about the life of her grandmother. This gives a somewhat anti-climactic feel to the memoir and raises the question of whether the book was worth writing in the first place.
That said, I did enjoy 'Hidden Lives'. There's enough information and detail in it to make it an interesting and entertaining slice of social history. It's worth reading. 6/10.
'Hidden Lives' focuses on the author's grandmother, Margaret Ann, the author's mother, Lilian (and Lilian's two sisters), and the author herself. It examines how the role of women, in particular working-class women, changed during the period in question and how new attitudes, expectations and opportunities have reshaped the lives of women in general and their place in today's society. It's beautifully written in deceptively simple, readable prose that draws the reader in. There are, however, a couple of problems. The middle section of the book, in which Forster describes her own childhood, is not as interesting as the rest of the memoir and is a tad predictable and unoriginal. I have read a fair few novels - for example, those by Stan Barstow, John Braine and Alan Sillitoe - that highlight the lives and struggles of working class families, often those in the north of England, and the challenges they faced in response to rapidly changing social conditions. So when Margaret Forster describes the difficulties she experienced as a bright, intelligent youngster with a love of books in a household in which neither of her parents shared her passion for literature, I feel as though I have read it all before. The other problem is that Forster is unable to provide the reader with a satisfactory resolution to some of the more interesting problems posed in the book about the life of her grandmother. This gives a somewhat anti-climactic feel to the memoir and raises the question of whether the book was worth writing in the first place.
That said, I did enjoy 'Hidden Lives'. There's enough information and detail in it to make it an interesting and entertaining slice of social history. It's worth reading. 6/10.
September 20, 2013
Just re read as this is one of my top ten favourite books.
April 19, 2015
Forster is on familiar ground here, telling the intermingled stories of her grandmother, her mother, and herself. Her grandmother, Margaret Ann, was the illegitimate daughter of parents who were dead before she was two. The next 20 years of her life are shrouded in mystery, until she reappears as a domestic servant in Carlisle -- and Forster discovers during her research that her grandmother too had an illegitimate daughter of whom the rest of her family knew nothing.
Margaret Ann has a hard life until she meets and marries a prosperous butcher -- who dies young, leaving her struggling to bring up three daughters alone. Forster's mother Lilian too has a circumscribed life, marrying a man she doesn't apparently love in order to seek fulfilment as a wife and mother. She succeeds, up to a point, but spends a life of frustration, always feeling she "hasn't made anything of herself". Her husband works at a hard, low-paid job as a fitter in a factory, and they struggle to make ends meet -- yet when Arthur is offered better-paid jobs elsewhere, he always turns them down. Why would anyone want to live anywhere other than Carlisle? You get a sense of the narrowness of her parents' lives when Forster writes:
From an early age Margaret is determined not to follow in her mother's footsteps -- she has no desire to be trapped as a dutiful, frustrated wife and mother, so she vows never to get married.
Forster's aim in this book is clearly to show the onward march of progress, how just as life was better for her mother than it was for her grandmother, so her life is better still. However, she is clearly far from typical. From her poor working-class background, she won a scholarship to grammar school, and was then accepted by both Oxford and Cambridge (she chose Oxford). Virtually as soon as she graduated, she forgot her vow and promptly got married -- but the fact that her husband was a successful journalist meant that she could comfortably combine work with motherhood, earning a good living by writing novels. There can't be many girls in her situation who succeeded like that, so her faith in progress, while justified, is perhaps a bit overdone.
I did enjoy the book -- Forster's research is skilfully blended with personal reminiscence, and she paints a touching picture of her grandmother's and mother's lives, with their shameful secrets that no amount of research can now uncover. But I do get the impression Forster returns again and again to the same subject, and I'm not particularly tempted to read her other volumes of memoirs.
Margaret Ann has a hard life until she meets and marries a prosperous butcher -- who dies young, leaving her struggling to bring up three daughters alone. Forster's mother Lilian too has a circumscribed life, marrying a man she doesn't apparently love in order to seek fulfilment as a wife and mother. She succeeds, up to a point, but spends a life of frustration, always feeling she "hasn't made anything of herself". Her husband works at a hard, low-paid job as a fitter in a factory, and they struggle to make ends meet -- yet when Arthur is offered better-paid jobs elsewhere, he always turns them down. Why would anyone want to live anywhere other than Carlisle? You get a sense of the narrowness of her parents' lives when Forster writes:
The most daring journey ever made was by my father when he went as a young man to London for the day. He went to King's Cross station, walked round it, thought nothing of it, and came back, to boast forever he had been to London.
From an early age Margaret is determined not to follow in her mother's footsteps -- she has no desire to be trapped as a dutiful, frustrated wife and mother, so she vows never to get married.
Forster's aim in this book is clearly to show the onward march of progress, how just as life was better for her mother than it was for her grandmother, so her life is better still. However, she is clearly far from typical. From her poor working-class background, she won a scholarship to grammar school, and was then accepted by both Oxford and Cambridge (she chose Oxford). Virtually as soon as she graduated, she forgot her vow and promptly got married -- but the fact that her husband was a successful journalist meant that she could comfortably combine work with motherhood, earning a good living by writing novels. There can't be many girls in her situation who succeeded like that, so her faith in progress, while justified, is perhaps a bit overdone.
I did enjoy the book -- Forster's research is skilfully blended with personal reminiscence, and she paints a touching picture of her grandmother's and mother's lives, with their shameful secrets that no amount of research can now uncover. But I do get the impression Forster returns again and again to the same subject, and I'm not particularly tempted to read her other volumes of memoirs.
March 14, 2018
Margaret Forster takes us through three generations of women in her family, from the 1870s to the late 1970s. The perspective of reading such a book may be boring, but Forster is a fantastic story-teller. The “memoir” describes real events and memories, but is skillfully told in the manner of fiction — instead of being told the stories of these women, we relive the stories with them.
The book starts with a mystery regarding the past of Forster’s grandmother. As the years pass and we reach the next generation, we realize that the focus of Forster’s story is elsewhere. It is a memoir of “the hidden lives”; all of them, not just her family’s: those of the generations of women who lived through a new, industrialized, mechanized era and who slowly gained new rights. The right to own their own wages once married, the right to vote, the right to use contraception. In the light of Forster’s prose, we go through all these changes with them, we listen to these women and their struggles, against sexism but sometimes also against their own sex. We watch the men leading their lives and leaving very little space for women to lead their own outside of the home, outside of marriage, outside of the social conventions that many times turned out stronger than the rights they were supposed to have won.
This was a page-turner for me. I’m glad I got to know these women, and I recommend you do the same.
The book starts with a mystery regarding the past of Forster’s grandmother. As the years pass and we reach the next generation, we realize that the focus of Forster’s story is elsewhere. It is a memoir of “the hidden lives”; all of them, not just her family’s: those of the generations of women who lived through a new, industrialized, mechanized era and who slowly gained new rights. The right to own their own wages once married, the right to vote, the right to use contraception. In the light of Forster’s prose, we go through all these changes with them, we listen to these women and their struggles, against sexism but sometimes also against their own sex. We watch the men leading their lives and leaving very little space for women to lead their own outside of the home, outside of marriage, outside of the social conventions that many times turned out stronger than the rights they were supposed to have won.
This was a page-turner for me. I’m glad I got to know these women, and I recommend you do the same.
February 17, 2016
In looking at the reviews from others who have read this book, I see that they enjoyed this book more than I did. I read Margaret Forster's book 'Lady's Maid' and enjoyed it and that is why I read this one.
I was intrigued by the hint of a little mystery, the woman dressed in black, that visits the Grandmother. Then I was disappointed that the story never was really addressed again, just touched upon enough to keep the reader interested. In the end, it wasn't resolved.
I found it interesting that the conflict between Margaret and her mother, Lily, wasn't really addressed until the last part of the book. It seems that Lily was a little upset because Margaret had a "better" life than she did. That being said, Lily, didn't want to put forth any effort to change her own life.
Ms. Forster did a good comparison of a woman's role from the time of her Mother's life as wife and mother and how drastically the woman's role changed in one generation.
I was intrigued by the hint of a little mystery, the woman dressed in black, that visits the Grandmother. Then I was disappointed that the story never was really addressed again, just touched upon enough to keep the reader interested. In the end, it wasn't resolved.
I found it interesting that the conflict between Margaret and her mother, Lily, wasn't really addressed until the last part of the book. It seems that Lily was a little upset because Margaret had a "better" life than she did. That being said, Lily, didn't want to put forth any effort to change her own life.
Ms. Forster did a good comparison of a woman's role from the time of her Mother's life as wife and mother and how drastically the woman's role changed in one generation.
October 7, 2013
An accessible read that is well-written, which I think is what kept me turning pages. That said, I felt let down by the fact a mystery was established and, in one great anti-climax, never solved due to research that hit a dead end. I can see why fans of Forster's fictional work would enjoy this, as it no doubt provides valuable insight into the author's influences and inspiration, but as someone for who this was an introduction to the writer, I found it just a tad self-indulgent and maudlin. 'Hidden Lives' did manage to make me feel grateful to be living in a modern age and it also made me feel a little bit more optimistic about the fact that the feminist cause must be achieving something. However, there wasn't much in the social history that was new to me and, overall, it left me uninspired and underwhelmed.
September 10, 2018
A well-written and interesting memoir in which the author tells the story of her family and their lives, going back to her great grandmother, and attempts to solve some of the secrets that were never talked about and which she only uncovered as part of her research. The author also compares and contrasts her work/family situation with that of her female relatives and explains the reasoning behind decisions she made about her own life and her marriage to Hunter Davies. Great read - 8.5/10.
August 6, 2022
Interesting for its documentation of how women saw their lives and circumstances change immensely throughout the 20th century, bleak as all hell because Forster comes across as really not liking her parents or empathising with them at all.
August 21, 2024
Definitely my favourite historical memoir I've read, partly because it is intergenerational and showcases the true extent of change over time. I found the contrast between the life of the author and her mother particularly striking, and it made me feel quite emotional.
September 6, 2016
Fascinating look at how much has changed for women in just three generations.
December 8, 2024
Highly engaging biography that spans across three generations of women. Quite emotional and honest in the narrative.
Extremely interesting how both similarities and differences are highlighted in the comparison that the author makes between herself, her mother and her grandmother.
Extremely interesting how both similarities and differences are highlighted in the comparison that the author makes between herself, her mother and her grandmother.
May 6, 2022
Margaret Forster’s family memoir, Hidden LIves, is a study of the real lives of three generations of women, spanning from 1869 to the early 1980s. Margaret’s grandmother and mother were both born in the working class and stayed locked within it in subjugated positions. Margaret died of cancer in 2015 at age 77, with a long list of successful books, fiction and non-fiction, to her credit. This in itself is remarkable, considering she grew up in a family where there were only a few books, including a cookery book and the bible, and she wasn’t really introduced to literature until she won a place at the county High School. From there, she won an open scholarship to Somerville College, Oxford, where she read history. I discovered her writing only recently, when I bought a throw-out from the local library for $1: How to Measure a Cow. I was intrigued by the title, and the book was nothing I expected and much that I found fascinating.
From these two books I’ve read, I’d say that Forster’s fascination is women, both ordinary and pioneering, and how women have been conditioned and imprisoned in domesticity, motherhood, and hard physical work, ‘giving up’ the freedom to earn money and make their own way in life, with little to feed their minds and souls except religion and motherhood and duty. In particular, having grown up in a working class family, with three generations of women formed in this mold, Margaret’s own resistance to the conditioning and her breakout from it is remarkable. From early childhood, she was classified as difficult, demanding…”Fiery, selfish, ambitious, just like Nan. [Her aunt who ‘lived in sin’ with a wealthy man and was a ‘kept woman’]. But Margaret didn’t want a pampered life of luxury, she wanted education, was a serious student who went to debates rather than dances, and didn’t have her first boyfriend until she was 18.
It’s interesting that I’m talking about Margaret, because three-quarters of the book is about her grandmother and her mother, and even in the last quarter, the focus is more on her relationship with her mother than it is about her own life. We learn only incidentally that she gets married before she is twenty (to her first boyfriend?), that she starts writing novels as soon as she leaves Oxford, that she has children of her own. I found this slantwise, indirect story of her personal development frustrating, as she was such an interesting, unusual child, given her home life. But the whole memoir is driven by a double mystery: what happened to her grandmother, Margaret, between the ages of two when her mother died and twenty-three when
She was allowed to have had no past until the age of twenty-three when she was quite happy to acknowledge that she had begun life as a domestic servant to the Stephenson family.
The second mystery is the identity and biography of a woman who turns up at the door of the grandmother’s house after she has died, and demands: “I’ve come to see if she left me anything… I’m her daughter too.” LIke the first mystery, this mystery is not solved. All that the author can reveal is that Alice died in a mental hospital. Clearly, Alice was part of the hidden life of Forster’s grandmother. Her grave is unmarked:
A blank. A path of smooth grass. It looks odd, as though a mistake has been made… How can I forgive my grandmother for her treatment of Alice?
To answer that, Forster concludes, is the stuff of fiction. She resists the temptation to invent a history for her. More:
… it is not my grandmother who needs to be forgiven. It is the times she lived in, those harsh times for women, the times that led to a waste of a far more savage kind than my mother ever experienced… I’m not, and haven’t been, crippled by the family. I don’t pay an enormous emotional price for the having of one. I have been able to be myself within its confines.
Such a transformation, which I too have experienced, rests on the lives of our mothers and grandmothers and their mothers, who bore the yoke of domesticity and duty all their lives, without the key to let themselves out of the prison. Much love was shared and beauty was found in those deeply constrained lives, but much was lost too. This, now, is our time and we are finding our way into the open air.
From these two books I’ve read, I’d say that Forster’s fascination is women, both ordinary and pioneering, and how women have been conditioned and imprisoned in domesticity, motherhood, and hard physical work, ‘giving up’ the freedom to earn money and make their own way in life, with little to feed their minds and souls except religion and motherhood and duty. In particular, having grown up in a working class family, with three generations of women formed in this mold, Margaret’s own resistance to the conditioning and her breakout from it is remarkable. From early childhood, she was classified as difficult, demanding…”Fiery, selfish, ambitious, just like Nan. [Her aunt who ‘lived in sin’ with a wealthy man and was a ‘kept woman’]. But Margaret didn’t want a pampered life of luxury, she wanted education, was a serious student who went to debates rather than dances, and didn’t have her first boyfriend until she was 18.
It’s interesting that I’m talking about Margaret, because three-quarters of the book is about her grandmother and her mother, and even in the last quarter, the focus is more on her relationship with her mother than it is about her own life. We learn only incidentally that she gets married before she is twenty (to her first boyfriend?), that she starts writing novels as soon as she leaves Oxford, that she has children of her own. I found this slantwise, indirect story of her personal development frustrating, as she was such an interesting, unusual child, given her home life. But the whole memoir is driven by a double mystery: what happened to her grandmother, Margaret, between the ages of two when her mother died and twenty-three when
She was allowed to have had no past until the age of twenty-three when she was quite happy to acknowledge that she had begun life as a domestic servant to the Stephenson family.
The second mystery is the identity and biography of a woman who turns up at the door of the grandmother’s house after she has died, and demands: “I’ve come to see if she left me anything… I’m her daughter too.” LIke the first mystery, this mystery is not solved. All that the author can reveal is that Alice died in a mental hospital. Clearly, Alice was part of the hidden life of Forster’s grandmother. Her grave is unmarked:
A blank. A path of smooth grass. It looks odd, as though a mistake has been made… How can I forgive my grandmother for her treatment of Alice?
To answer that, Forster concludes, is the stuff of fiction. She resists the temptation to invent a history for her. More:
… it is not my grandmother who needs to be forgiven. It is the times she lived in, those harsh times for women, the times that led to a waste of a far more savage kind than my mother ever experienced… I’m not, and haven’t been, crippled by the family. I don’t pay an enormous emotional price for the having of one. I have been able to be myself within its confines.
Such a transformation, which I too have experienced, rests on the lives of our mothers and grandmothers and their mothers, who bore the yoke of domesticity and duty all their lives, without the key to let themselves out of the prison. Much love was shared and beauty was found in those deeply constrained lives, but much was lost too. This, now, is our time and we are finding our way into the open air.
April 5, 2024
The author records her maternal family history and investigates how the roles and expectations placed on women have changed over three generations. Her grandmother, herself illegitimate, kept her life before she was twenty three - including another illegitimate daughter - strictly secret. Lilian, Jean and Nan, the author’s mother and sisters, each had to give up their jobs when they married and settle for the domestic lives that was the norm for working class women. Finally, the author herself determined not to follow this pattern yet finding she had to balance her working life with motherhood and the demands and expectations her mother places on her.
Although I was born later than the author, in 1955, and my father was the first generation with a professional job, there were many things to recognise and relate to in this excellent and engrossing memoir. My grandmothers were of the generation who gave up work on marriage and lived domestic lives. My mother gave up work for motherhood and her expectations of me reflected those of Lilian’s on the author. I was of that mixed generation where some women, like myself, stayed at home at least till the children went to school, who didn’t place such emphasis on housework (I know some who did!) and had opportunities both to go back to work and to pursue their interests outside the home. And what for the next generation of women with their desires (and often the necessity) to return promptly to work after a baby? It reminds me to try not to place my expectations on them.
Although I was born later than the author, in 1955, and my father was the first generation with a professional job, there were many things to recognise and relate to in this excellent and engrossing memoir. My grandmothers were of the generation who gave up work on marriage and lived domestic lives. My mother gave up work for motherhood and her expectations of me reflected those of Lilian’s on the author. I was of that mixed generation where some women, like myself, stayed at home at least till the children went to school, who didn’t place such emphasis on housework (I know some who did!) and had opportunities both to go back to work and to pursue their interests outside the home. And what for the next generation of women with their desires (and often the necessity) to return promptly to work after a baby? It reminds me to try not to place my expectations on them.
June 29, 2012
I don’t think I have read any of Margaret Forster’s novels, but after reading this book which is non-fiction, I would be interested in exploring more of her work. This is the story of Margaret’s family starting with her Grandmother, her aunties and her mother. Her Grandmother married well although she had a life of hard work and this continued after she was widowed, she did own her own house and have a share of her husband’s business which for that time I think was a remarkable achievement. She was obviously a strong willed character and kept many secrets. After her death it was found she had an illegitimate daughter who lived and grew up virtually in the next street but no mention was ever made of her, the circumstances of her birth ,Margaret was unable to get very far with her research into this unknown aunt which was very sad so the lady remains a mystery. The books theme revolved around her aunties lives and her mother, they were all intelligent hard working women but once married turned into drudges, her mother especially was very dissatisfied with her life but that was just the way things were at that time it was definitely a man’s world and women were there to run the house and raise the children. This upbringing gave Margaret her very strong feminine views as she saw how unhappy her mother’s life had become. I think this book shows how women’s and men’s lives have changed over the decades and their roles in society
April 25, 2019
I enjoyed this book but it depressed me. Forster is unflinching when it comes to writing about women's lives. In this book she delves into her own family's past and writes about her grandmother, whose illegitimate first child remained a secret she took to her grave, and her mother, an intelligent woman whose domestic and unrealised life almost suffocated her.
I read it at a time when I'm looking for work and/or gainful occupation after almost a decade of working part-time from home, keeping the house, and supporting my own husband's businesses. It felt at times as if nothing has changed down the decades. Many of us are making the same sacrifices these women made, whether knowingly, subconsciously or from being asleep at the wheel in our own lives. There was so much in the book to relate to.
The second half of the book is about Forster's own life, as a writer, mother, wife, all things I've written about myself and am interested in. It's always encouraging to read of a woman carving an existence for herself as a writer!
Moving on to some more contemporary fiction and memoir next but I'll come back to Forster in the future, for her fiction and for the memoir she wrote of Elizabeth Barrett Browning. In the meantime I'd recommend this one in the same way I'd recommend a cup of herbal tea - it's okay if that's what you're looking for.
I read it at a time when I'm looking for work and/or gainful occupation after almost a decade of working part-time from home, keeping the house, and supporting my own husband's businesses. It felt at times as if nothing has changed down the decades. Many of us are making the same sacrifices these women made, whether knowingly, subconsciously or from being asleep at the wheel in our own lives. There was so much in the book to relate to.
The second half of the book is about Forster's own life, as a writer, mother, wife, all things I've written about myself and am interested in. It's always encouraging to read of a woman carving an existence for herself as a writer!
Moving on to some more contemporary fiction and memoir next but I'll come back to Forster in the future, for her fiction and for the memoir she wrote of Elizabeth Barrett Browning. In the meantime I'd recommend this one in the same way I'd recommend a cup of herbal tea - it's okay if that's what you're looking for.
December 19, 2021
I was interested to read this, as I have kept hearing about MF, but never read anything by her except Georgy Girl (many many years ago, and I enjoyed it).
This is a memoir. MF was born a few years before me, but there are so many echoes for me of my childhood and teens (from the clothes, to school, to restrictions, even the arrival of penicillin, which meant that for me, unlike for MF, a boil could be treated without lancing). But most particularly, and still distressingly, the book deals with the crushing lack of opportunities for married women and their daughters in the 50s. How lucky was I that my parents never once questioned the idea that I should go to university (and study English - with no real idea of a career) whereas they themselves had had to leave school at 14 and 15 to bring in a pittance (in my mother's case £12.50 a week) to help the family budget. MF's anger at her mother's lot is entirely justified - though I have to take issue with the idea that housework was slavery. Someone had to do it, especially in those days, with much less tech and machinery to help. Is it any more satisfactory to pay a (not huge) amount for someone else to do it, as we all do now?
This is a memoir. MF was born a few years before me, but there are so many echoes for me of my childhood and teens (from the clothes, to school, to restrictions, even the arrival of penicillin, which meant that for me, unlike for MF, a boil could be treated without lancing). But most particularly, and still distressingly, the book deals with the crushing lack of opportunities for married women and their daughters in the 50s. How lucky was I that my parents never once questioned the idea that I should go to university (and study English - with no real idea of a career) whereas they themselves had had to leave school at 14 and 15 to bring in a pittance (in my mother's case £12.50 a week) to help the family budget. MF's anger at her mother's lot is entirely justified - though I have to take issue with the idea that housework was slavery. Someone had to do it, especially in those days, with much less tech and machinery to help. Is it any more satisfactory to pay a (not huge) amount for someone else to do it, as we all do now?
December 7, 2010
When I grabbed this book from BookMooch I didn't realise it was non fiction. I was expecting one of Forster's novels which seem to revolve around the themes of mothers and daughters and dying. This memoir gives you an idea how Forster ended up concentrating on those themes as it looks into the lives of her mother and her grandmother before her. The book is always heading towards the inevitable conclusion that women's lives have got better over the last century so the "plot" isn't spoilt by the fact that you know the third generation is going to get away from the Carlisle council estate and become a famous writer.
This book had me totally hooked and I barely put it down from start to finish. What I found very well done is how convincingly the story has been told going forwards chronologically. When you look into family history you always know the end of the story before the beginning. Forster has managed to tell the early parts of her mother and grandmother's lives without bringing in all the baggage form the ends of their lives.
January 2, 2009
Family history, specifically the lives of her grandmother, aunts, and mother, starting in the 20s. Her grandmother was an orphan who thought her¬self lucky to work as a servant. She married but her life of drudgery continued, and was worse after she was widowed. Forster’s mother enjoyed working for the city but had to quit when she married. She and her sisters spent their lives caring for husbands and children, feeling lucky they had conveniences their mother never had like gas stoves, but weren’t happy. Forster rebelled against the expectations that she’d do the same, went to Oxford, and became a writer. She married but had an egalitarian marriage which shocked her mother. At the end of her life her mother was bitter about the opportunities she’d never had, and felt her life had been wasted. I liked this both for the de¬scriptions of daily lives and its appreciation of how things have changed.
June 23, 2020
I have always enjoyes Margaret Forster's writing, she writes about the experiences common in all women's lives. This is no exception, this time about her own family. Her grandmother was born illegitimate and herself may have had an illegitimate child herself. This experience blighted her life andaffected the lives of her daughters. Margaret always seemed to be at odds with her own mother, who was dissappointed by the hand life had dealt her. The experiences of Margaret mirrowed some of my own; Margaret being born about ten years before me. We both grew up jn northern working class communities in the 1950's and 60' s. Expectations of women's role was still much like that of prewar times. Education not being seen as important or at least not more important than getting married and raising a family. We all had to find our own way. Margaret really brings to life those times and the dilemnas women faced.
October 25, 2024
25/10/24: reread for the nth time
My own mother was born 20 years after the author’s but the similarities are immense. She too was dissatisfied with her life, especially when compared to her daughters and the advantages they had had, yet still wanted us to have a life like hers so we could stay close to her. Unfortunately, the education we had meant that this wasn’t possible and was a source of great resentment on her part, even though she had wanted us to go to university because she was denied a good schooling by her father. A conundrum if ever there was, and this, like for the author, put a strain on her relationship with her daughters.
Whilst the first part is interesting from a historical perspective, for me the best bit is when Margaret starts to grow up as it is so like my life, albeit without the poverty and with more support for education.
My own mother was born 20 years after the author’s but the similarities are immense. She too was dissatisfied with her life, especially when compared to her daughters and the advantages they had had, yet still wanted us to have a life like hers so we could stay close to her. Unfortunately, the education we had meant that this wasn’t possible and was a source of great resentment on her part, even though she had wanted us to go to university because she was denied a good schooling by her father. A conundrum if ever there was, and this, like for the author, put a strain on her relationship with her daughters.
Whilst the first part is interesting from a historical perspective, for me the best bit is when Margaret starts to grow up as it is so like my life, albeit without the poverty and with more support for education.
March 6, 2016
A well written book that I could easily relate to, despite coming from a different background. The role that women were all but forced to play, and the mısery that exuded from my mother is on a par with the sadness of Margaret Forster's . Reading this book one can feel the frustrations and sacrifices made by her aunts , her mother and her grandmother. The sheer backbreaking drudgery of the working class housewife - the broken dreams and the preoccupation wıth dressıng up!
Its beautifully narrated by the author, and her parents' quotes echo those of many a parent ın the 50's and 60's struggling to keep up appearances - for famıly, and the neıghbours' sakes.
Its beautifully narrated by the author, and her parents' quotes echo those of many a parent ın the 50's and 60's struggling to keep up appearances - for famıly, and the neıghbours' sakes.
July 3, 2017
Margaret Forster, the author of Hidden Lives: A Family Memoir, tells the story of the dreary lives her English grandmother and mother had to bear and contrasts it with the much happier life she leads with the freedom that the modern age brings to women. Many readers have enjoyed this book and given it great reviews, however, I felt it dragged and had to push myself to finish it. It is interesting to see the roles women felt they had to play back in the day and makes one appreciate that we have more choices today. But sometimes historical novels can do a better job at that by being more captivating than memoirs just relating stories passed down from one generation to the next.
March 18, 2017
Very interesting and well written. Delving into the plight of women's lives until so recently. Also brings home the poverty that was lifted for many in this country after the second world war and the NHS and welfare state and council housing arrived. The fear of slipping back towards that is terrible.
My own grandmother was born in 1900 but had a much easier life than Margaret Forster's mother and grandmother. But she still used to say that the great inventions of the 20th century were the washing machine and gas cooker.
My own grandmother was born in 1900 but had a much easier life than Margaret Forster's mother and grandmother. But she still used to say that the great inventions of the 20th century were the washing machine and gas cooker.
August 3, 2011
A very interesting and touching story about the women of three generations and how attitudes have changed. It was a touching book but in some ways frustrating, this was mainly because it was impossible for Forster to complete the research and some records simply no longer existed. It is this sort of book which makes you appreciate the choices we have today. Very engaging and interesting I would be interested to read some of the novels by Margaret Forster.
December 29, 2018
A very well written easy to read book exploring the lives of 3 generations of women.
I found the 'mysteries' compelling and the details of women's lives gone by very interesting to reflect upon.
My only criticism would be the unresolved nature of the family mysteries, I had hoped for some more explanation.
I found the 'mysteries' compelling and the details of women's lives gone by very interesting to reflect upon.
My only criticism would be the unresolved nature of the family mysteries, I had hoped for some more explanation.
November 21, 2016
Interesting comparison of the lives of Margaret Forster, her mother and her grandmother. The drudgery of life in a working class family in Carlisle was awful. Education helped the author escape - I wonder how easy it would be in the 21st century.
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