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Healing the Unaffirmed: Recognizing Emotional Deprivation Disorder
Recognizing emotional deprivation disorder is the first step in correcting, through affirmation, many grave individual and global ills
- GenresPsychologyNonfiction
221 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1976
About the author
Conrad W. Baars
11 books15 followersConrad W. Baars, M.D., (January 2, 1919 – October 18, 1981) was a Catholic psychiatrist. His most prominent work is with Dr. Anna Terruwe in the study of the human emotional life. Their general idea is that many emotional disturbances in a human stem from a lack of experiencing unconditional love during his or her life. He and Terruwe are known for their model of Emotional Deprivation Disorder and a different approach to Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.
Dr. Baars and Dr. Terruwe treated many priests and religious in their practices and presented important information to the bishops of the Catholic Church. The Role of the Church in the Causation, Treatment and Prevention of the Crisis in the Priesthood, was copyrighted and published by Franciscan Herald Press (Chicago, Illinois) in 1972 as part of their "Synthesis Series" as 'How to treat and prevent The Crisis in the Priesthood'. Dr. Baars wrote numerous other articles and monographs.
Dr. Baars and Dr. Terruwe treated many priests and religious in their practices and presented important information to the bishops of the Catholic Church. The Role of the Church in the Causation, Treatment and Prevention of the Crisis in the Priesthood, was copyrighted and published by Franciscan Herald Press (Chicago, Illinois) in 1972 as part of their "Synthesis Series" as 'How to treat and prevent The Crisis in the Priesthood'. Dr. Baars wrote numerous other articles and monographs.
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
November 14, 2013
This was a challenging book to read not only for the personal resonance but also because of several unacceptable,antiquated ides that rather weaken the authors authority. Such is importance of the body of their work that I can overlook their tragic flaws and even see them as slightly evolved from the general opinion that homosexuality was a sin.
What the authors discovered over their years of practice is the underlying basis of most mental illness,before it has been classsified; the shaky foundation of peronality disfuncion and social phobia. So obvious, Emotional Deprivation Disorder is hardly considered in the literature,given that it is prevelant and pervasive, and hereditary. Someone who has never been affirmed will generally have trouble trusting andaffirming others,and indeed will be challenged by uncertainnty in relationships and identity issues.
Perhaps this book has suffered from the extremity of devotion the authors advise is the only way to healing such an insidious syndrome. Their methods are certanly incongrous with modern psychological approaches. Their very earnestnes can be somewhat offputting.
But I am so grateful to have discovered this book and have no hesitation in asserting it should be required reading.
What the authors discovered over their years of practice is the underlying basis of most mental illness,before it has been classsified; the shaky foundation of peronality disfuncion and social phobia. So obvious, Emotional Deprivation Disorder is hardly considered in the literature,given that it is prevelant and pervasive, and hereditary. Someone who has never been affirmed will generally have trouble trusting andaffirming others,and indeed will be challenged by uncertainnty in relationships and identity issues.
Perhaps this book has suffered from the extremity of devotion the authors advise is the only way to healing such an insidious syndrome. Their methods are certanly incongrous with modern psychological approaches. Their very earnestnes can be somewhat offputting.
But I am so grateful to have discovered this book and have no hesitation in asserting it should be required reading.
May 13, 2026
There seems to be much in common between emotional deprivation disorder and insecure attachment; they might even be synonymous.
I believe this book touches what it means that, at the end of the age, "the love of many will grow cold". Unaffirmed/insecure people cannot love others authentically; this is the psychological parallel of "We love because he first loved us" (1 John 4:19). The lack of reception of this primordial parental love frustrates the most basic desire of the human being, which is to love and be loved, the essence of the trinitarian image of God (the Father loves, the Son is loved, the Spirit is the blissful experience of Love). What follows are neurotic attempts by the individual either to "win" the love of others through actions, achievements, performance, people-pleasing, self-effacement, etc. (all of which are caracterised as "self-affirmation", which is always unhealthy), or to cope with this lack through self-destructive behaviors such as promiscuity or addictions (dopamine in lieu of oxytocin and vassopresin). This tragic inauthentic state accounts for the willed rapport with others (as opposed to an emotional one), the constant lack of joy in life, confidence, certainty, spontaneity, assertiveness, decisiveness, the feelings of loneliness, inadequacy, of being unlovable, incompetent, helpless, childish, oversensitive, self-conscious, incapable of coping with life, leading to recurring depressions.
Affirmation is agape
What the authors mean by "affirmation" does not lie in the realm of "doing", but of "being": "[affirmation] is a state of being, of being aware and moved by the goodness of another being... it is a way of being present to another individual with the full attention of one's whole being, allowing natural growth and development to take place in that individual." (p. 74) I would say that what is being described here is the essence of love, agape, which is the type of love that "creates persons" (to quote John Vervaeke). The "unaffirmed" person yearns in their core for tenderness, the most salient expression of affirmation/love, which they will unconsciously seek in most of their relationships. The last chapter of this book is a wonderful recapitulation of the problem of EDD, in which tenderness plays such a crucial role:
"The most typical characteristic of mature human love is tenderness, whether manifested in the tone of voice, words, touch, or the way one looks at the beloved. People are tender because they sense another’s goodness and beauty, because they realize how precious the other is. They take care to let the other person be, precisely because they love the other just the way he or she is at that moment. They are happy to be with the other, taking nothing for self, attempting no changes or accomplishments. They are respectful of the other’s intrinsic goodness; never demanding, aggressive, or possessive. It is through the tender touch, the tender look, the tender words and tone of voice that the child is affirmed in its own goodness, worth, and lovableness. The tenderness with which a mother cradles her infant in her arms, cuddles and caresses it, and presses it to her, is as primary in the order of importance as it is in the order of development. Without such tactile expressions of maternal love the child will develop later in life the most serious form of emotional deprivation disorder. [...] Tenderness, obviously, cannot be willed. It is the emotional expression of the feeling that the other is good, lovable, and a source of delight precisely as he or she is. Similarly, such tender love leaves its unmistakable mark in the expression of the eyes [the eyes, Chico...]. The tender gaze is characterized by repose and tranquility in the delight of contemplating the good [one is reminded of Plato's Symposium]. It reflects admiration and awe, as well as the joy of love." (pp. 184-5)
Cold Religion
It is through lack of this love, its reception and transmission, that "we grow cold". I would venture to say that our habitual experience of God is directly correlated to our experience of attachment/affirmation/love or lack thereof. One who has not consistently experienced tender love from a parental figure is more likely to experience God (whose first type for the human person is their parent) as the cold and uncaring clockmaker, or the strict and demanding feudal lord. Though, as emotional deprivation is healed, so is anti-religious sentiment, which seems to be a frustration caused by the perceived abandonment of Father-God. An example that I take as paradigmatic is given on page 138:
"When she first came to us she had, as far as her feelings were concerned, broken completely with her religion: She never attended church and did not pray, since for her God was merely a robot who imposed His coercion on people, as she expressed it. She felt that we had saved her from the terror of her religion. We accepted all this calmly, of course, and did not make any attempt to change her attitude. Very gradually, this anti-religious attitude disappeared by itself to make room again in her heart for the faith and the love of Christ."
(To be continued...)
I believe this book touches what it means that, at the end of the age, "the love of many will grow cold". Unaffirmed/insecure people cannot love others authentically; this is the psychological parallel of "We love because he first loved us" (1 John 4:19). The lack of reception of this primordial parental love frustrates the most basic desire of the human being, which is to love and be loved, the essence of the trinitarian image of God (the Father loves, the Son is loved, the Spirit is the blissful experience of Love). What follows are neurotic attempts by the individual either to "win" the love of others through actions, achievements, performance, people-pleasing, self-effacement, etc. (all of which are caracterised as "self-affirmation", which is always unhealthy), or to cope with this lack through self-destructive behaviors such as promiscuity or addictions (dopamine in lieu of oxytocin and vassopresin). This tragic inauthentic state accounts for the willed rapport with others (as opposed to an emotional one), the constant lack of joy in life, confidence, certainty, spontaneity, assertiveness, decisiveness, the feelings of loneliness, inadequacy, of being unlovable, incompetent, helpless, childish, oversensitive, self-conscious, incapable of coping with life, leading to recurring depressions.
Affirmation is agape
What the authors mean by "affirmation" does not lie in the realm of "doing", but of "being": "[affirmation] is a state of being, of being aware and moved by the goodness of another being... it is a way of being present to another individual with the full attention of one's whole being, allowing natural growth and development to take place in that individual." (p. 74) I would say that what is being described here is the essence of love, agape, which is the type of love that "creates persons" (to quote John Vervaeke). The "unaffirmed" person yearns in their core for tenderness, the most salient expression of affirmation/love, which they will unconsciously seek in most of their relationships. The last chapter of this book is a wonderful recapitulation of the problem of EDD, in which tenderness plays such a crucial role:
"The most typical characteristic of mature human love is tenderness, whether manifested in the tone of voice, words, touch, or the way one looks at the beloved. People are tender because they sense another’s goodness and beauty, because they realize how precious the other is. They take care to let the other person be, precisely because they love the other just the way he or she is at that moment. They are happy to be with the other, taking nothing for self, attempting no changes or accomplishments. They are respectful of the other’s intrinsic goodness; never demanding, aggressive, or possessive. It is through the tender touch, the tender look, the tender words and tone of voice that the child is affirmed in its own goodness, worth, and lovableness. The tenderness with which a mother cradles her infant in her arms, cuddles and caresses it, and presses it to her, is as primary in the order of importance as it is in the order of development. Without such tactile expressions of maternal love the child will develop later in life the most serious form of emotional deprivation disorder. [...] Tenderness, obviously, cannot be willed. It is the emotional expression of the feeling that the other is good, lovable, and a source of delight precisely as he or she is. Similarly, such tender love leaves its unmistakable mark in the expression of the eyes [the eyes, Chico...]. The tender gaze is characterized by repose and tranquility in the delight of contemplating the good [one is reminded of Plato's Symposium]. It reflects admiration and awe, as well as the joy of love." (pp. 184-5)
Cold Religion
It is through lack of this love, its reception and transmission, that "we grow cold". I would venture to say that our habitual experience of God is directly correlated to our experience of attachment/affirmation/love or lack thereof. One who has not consistently experienced tender love from a parental figure is more likely to experience God (whose first type for the human person is their parent) as the cold and uncaring clockmaker, or the strict and demanding feudal lord. Though, as emotional deprivation is healed, so is anti-religious sentiment, which seems to be a frustration caused by the perceived abandonment of Father-God. An example that I take as paradigmatic is given on page 138:
"When she first came to us she had, as far as her feelings were concerned, broken completely with her religion: She never attended church and did not pray, since for her God was merely a robot who imposed His coercion on people, as she expressed it. She felt that we had saved her from the terror of her religion. We accepted all this calmly, of course, and did not make any attempt to change her attitude. Very gradually, this anti-religious attitude disappeared by itself to make room again in her heart for the faith and the love of Christ."
(To be continued...)
June 26, 2025
Attachment theory, but more Thomistic and less empirical.
(I love Baars as the most Thomistic well-known psychologist I'm aware of.)
Baars and Terruwe's theory of affirmation is insightful, relevant, and apostolically powerful for our time. Many people would be doing a whole lot better if they had someone to convey to them their inherent goodness as the authors describe.
Their account of the development of the affective faculties seems highly plausible to me. It would make sense that those lacking emotional rapport, etc., with their parents would have limited integration in their capacity for knowing and loving as adults, and that affection from others could be hugely significant for the consummation of God's image and likeness in them.
Huge overlap with our work at Christ in the City.
Only 4/5 because this book gets technical beyond what's helpful for most of us, and the authors primarily discuss extreme cases of "emotional development disorder", rather than the milder "unaffirmed state" that I encounter much more frequently.
If I remember correctly, Baars' Born Only Once is more relevant for non-specialists.
(I love Baars as the most Thomistic well-known psychologist I'm aware of.)
Baars and Terruwe's theory of affirmation is insightful, relevant, and apostolically powerful for our time. Many people would be doing a whole lot better if they had someone to convey to them their inherent goodness as the authors describe.
Their account of the development of the affective faculties seems highly plausible to me. It would make sense that those lacking emotional rapport, etc., with their parents would have limited integration in their capacity for knowing and loving as adults, and that affection from others could be hugely significant for the consummation of God's image and likeness in them.
Huge overlap with our work at Christ in the City.
Only 4/5 because this book gets technical beyond what's helpful for most of us, and the authors primarily discuss extreme cases of "emotional development disorder", rather than the milder "unaffirmed state" that I encounter much more frequently.
If I remember correctly, Baars' Born Only Once is more relevant for non-specialists.
December 5, 2021
I found this book after a found that I had some of the Deprivation Neurosis symptoms and I wanted to know more about it. I started this book with very big appetite to learn how to heal and understand some of my behavior. Reading this book gave me a good insight on many of my relationships/friendships and explained the way I react to various events. As I finish the book I have better understanding of my behavior and my emotions. Even thought I might not be as extreme some of the examples from the book I definitely need affirmation and motherly love. I was able to finish this book very quick as I was looking for answer but one minor disappointment I had on how much religion was involved in such scientific book. I was disturb on many examples being religious based and even some of the solutions being solved my religion even though there were many examples of how religious people were mentally suppressed during their daily tasks. Overall I am glad I read this book it gave me a better view of my emotional state.
August 31, 2018
I found this book very informative and helpful. Though I don't know anyone who has a full-blown emotional deprivation disorder, if this diagnosis is looked at on a spectrum, I see myself and most of the people I know lying somewhere between perfectly affirmed and deprived. Oh that each of us could have had a perfectly affirming Mr. Fred Rogers in our life or been one for others. This is a great read if you are trying to better understand affirmation as a state of being as opposed to an inept, patting someone on the back, verb form of the word. Some of the treatments in some of the cases seem a bit quirky, but I am so thankful to Dr. Baars and Dr. Terruwe for their pioneering work in this area. I am currently reading Dr. Baars biography, Doctor of the Heart and will follow that by his other books that I have not yet read. Then I hope to revisit this book and this review with a better understanding of the concepts.
August 25, 2018
This book has definitely and entirely changed the way that I view my relationships with people in general. It has led me to a lot of thinking for myself: how can I improve my interactions with people if they have this disorder? What can I do as a human-- and also as a Christian-- to love them, to meet their needs, to make them KNOW that their life actually does have meaning?
This book has wonderful insights and gave me a really good glance into this disorder, but there's still a lot I have questions about, which I thought could have been explained further. Obviously, this is a multi-faceted issue and could definitely have been delved into with even greater detail, but what I read here was still very thought-provoking and inspiring.
This book has wonderful insights and gave me a really good glance into this disorder, but there's still a lot I have questions about, which I thought could have been explained further. Obviously, this is a multi-faceted issue and could definitely have been delved into with even greater detail, but what I read here was still very thought-provoking and inspiring.
May 22, 2017
Vr informative
Quite informative and accurately descriptive of the unaffirmed. However as many reviewers stated the opinions were a tad old fashioned. Had to tune out on the religious parts.
Quite informative and accurately descriptive of the unaffirmed. However as many reviewers stated the opinions were a tad old fashioned. Had to tune out on the religious parts.
March 30, 2022
Profoundly affected me. Healing experience.
Helped me understand the congruence between the science of Psychiatry and the logic of the Catholic Church’s teachings on annulment.
Ultimately Truth cannot contradict Truth.
Helped me understand the congruence between the science of Psychiatry and the logic of the Catholic Church’s teachings on annulment.
Ultimately Truth cannot contradict Truth.
January 5, 2021
An author ahead of his time
Concentrate not on the writing style or outdated views but on the simple human necessity in his words. I will read him again.
Concentrate not on the writing style or outdated views but on the simple human necessity in his words. I will read him again.
February 21, 2022
Outdated in its ideas and analysis
January 16, 2015
During childhood as we grow, develop,and mature we feed off of our parents to help us develop a healthy sense of self. If that develops properly and in a positive way we also develop resources, kind of like a reservoir. As we receive empathy, respect, and appreciation from our power source (our mother) our sense of self is developed- the love, empathy, and admiration that we continue to receive fills our resources, our reservoir. So when we go into life situations and feel self doubt we look to those resources, we 'borrow' from that reservoir to build us up so we can handle the situation where we feel insecure. People who did not develop a proper sense of self unfortunately failed to get sufficient affirmation to establish a secure sense of self - they failed to receive the extra to fill the resources, so it is impossible for them to borrow from the reservoir.Love and empathy from parents is vital for development of self worth.A person who is denied nurturing is emotionally deprived that person tends to be constantly frustrated and cannot grow into a mature adult state until that unconditional love is provided.Baars and Terruwe theorize that treatment for Emotional Deprivation Disorder lies in providing a replacement for the unconditional love one never had in life. They call this process Affirmation Therapy.
I really like this authors work - this book will help you recognize emotional deprivation both in yourself and others but this Affirmation Therapy is very similar to Reparenting which is fantastic in theory but unfortunately its a flawed concept because adults no longer have a child's hardwiring, and can't return back in time also needing constant affirmation means your subconscious will believe that you do not have what it takes unless someone (therapist) convinces you all the time. Its unrealistic to try to put others in the role of affirming (reparenting) you,no one can truly heal your childhood wounding with the force of their unconditional love - once you are an adult,no one can do this for you.
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July 21, 2008Yes, I am still reading this...sigh. Good luck with yours, Jode...it is quite painful and you'd better find a psychopath (did I say psychopath? I mean psychiatrist or minister you can trust) if you are going to venture on this journey...
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews