What do you think?
Rate this book
Stepping Up
What's the most courageous thing you've ever done? As men, all of us face decisions in life that demand courage. Big or little, complex or straightforward, these choices—let’s call them battles—matter a great deal. One courageous choice leads to another; tomorrow’s integrity depends on today’s bravery.Dennis Rainey identifies five stages of a man’s journey through life—boyhood, adolescence, manhood, mentor, and patriarch—and examines a man’s responsibilities at each step. Rainey calls men to seize the moment and take action, stepping up to responsibility and inspiring others in the process. It’s about embracing courage, rejecting passivity and cowardice.Ultimately, you’ll be challenged to be the man on your battlefield.
199 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2007
145 people are currently reading
504 people want to read
About the author
Dennis Rainey
193 books36 followersDennis Rainey is president and CEO of FamilyLife, a division of Cru. Dennis and his wife, Barbara, have spoken at Weekend to Remember conferences around the world. Dennis serves as the daily host of the radio program "FamilyLife Today". He and Barbara have authored more than two dozen books, including the bestselling "Moments Together for Intimacy" and" Moments Together for Couples". The Raineys have six children and nineteen grandchildren.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 72 reviews
December 11, 2019
Okay, this book is one of the most impact books I have ever read, and is a must read for any guy. The call to "step up" in your manhood rather than coasting along is painful but necessary at the same time. I think I'm going to add this to my yearly reading list, because it is really easy to loose the perspective of moving forward in my spiritual walk (for example, the reason it took me so long to read it is because I'm lazy about reading non-fiction, spiritually minded books). So yeah, I've got to read this again, and you've got to read this.
March 10, 2013
This book's intended audience seems to be men in their late 40's to early 60's who enjoy hunting, football, and who have a son. If you fall into that subgroup of men then I have good news, this book is chock full of stories and advice that are geared towards your concerns/responsibilities. This book is a tool that will help many.
But as for me (and probably a lot of guys that are either younger or don't have kids, etc.), I felt disappointed in it. For starters, the book never attempts to differentiate American cultural manhood from biblical manhood. A reader could easily walk away from this book thinking that chest bumps and football spikes are an essential component of faith in Jesus Christ. But consider: the Gospels don't mention going into the woods to kill ducks yet Jesus is the best example of what it means to be a God-honoring male. In other words, this book is zoomed in on a specific niche of manhood.
Consequently, we're never really given a portrait of what each of these developmental stages looked like in biblical times. A chapter on patriarchy, for example, in my mind should contain at least a paragraph or two on what it meant to be a patriarch in biblical times, yes? As it stands, Bible verses are presented without real context. What a shame.
Lastly, I just have to mention that a couple times in the book Rainey makes some pretty pejorative statements about video games. Sigh. But is there a qualitative, moral difference between watching a sports game with a guy friend or playing an hour of video games with a guy friend? Sure, I'm a little biased when it comes to video games but this is just a good example of blurring the lines between principles and cultural specifics.
But as for me (and probably a lot of guys that are either younger or don't have kids, etc.), I felt disappointed in it. For starters, the book never attempts to differentiate American cultural manhood from biblical manhood. A reader could easily walk away from this book thinking that chest bumps and football spikes are an essential component of faith in Jesus Christ. But consider: the Gospels don't mention going into the woods to kill ducks yet Jesus is the best example of what it means to be a God-honoring male. In other words, this book is zoomed in on a specific niche of manhood.
Consequently, we're never really given a portrait of what each of these developmental stages looked like in biblical times. A chapter on patriarchy, for example, in my mind should contain at least a paragraph or two on what it meant to be a patriarch in biblical times, yes? As it stands, Bible verses are presented without real context. What a shame.
Lastly, I just have to mention that a couple times in the book Rainey makes some pretty pejorative statements about video games. Sigh. But is there a qualitative, moral difference between watching a sports game with a guy friend or playing an hour of video games with a guy friend? Sure, I'm a little biased when it comes to video games but this is just a good example of blurring the lines between principles and cultural specifics.
August 4, 2024
This book took me by surprise with the way it drew me in and continually brought me to my knees with each chapter while also lifting my spirit with the encouragement from the countless testimonies of real MEN this book is full of correction encouragement and practical and biblical wisdom
September 12, 2020
“Stepping Up: A Call to Courageous Manhood” by Dennis Rainey is a clarion call for men to step up to their God-given role as a follower of Christ, as a husband and father, as an employee, as a friend, as a member of the community—indeed, in every area of life Rainey’s message is this: step up and be the man God created you to be. I picked up this book off my shelf thinking that I would read it so I could impart some wisdom to my adult sons. But in the process of reading this book (I read it cover to cover in less than a day) I realized this book was also for me. There is never a stage in a man’s life when he can consider himself to have arrived, and I am no exception.
This book walks through the following stages of a man’s life: boyhood, adolescence, manhood, mentor, and patriarch. Rainey’s writing style is so clear and his message is so compelling, I simply could not put this book down. I will, no doubt, return to it again and again. It is filled with inspirational stories and anecdotes that supports Rainey’s central theme. Each chapter is, in equal measure, inspiring, convicting challenging, and encouraging.
If you are a man who wishes to reach his God-given potential as a man even in the midst of the emasculating culture, then you need to read this book. Read it for yourself. Read it for your sons. Read it for the generations yet born. This book will motivate you to step up and be a man! Happy reading!
This book walks through the following stages of a man’s life: boyhood, adolescence, manhood, mentor, and patriarch. Rainey’s writing style is so clear and his message is so compelling, I simply could not put this book down. I will, no doubt, return to it again and again. It is filled with inspirational stories and anecdotes that supports Rainey’s central theme. Each chapter is, in equal measure, inspiring, convicting challenging, and encouraging.
If you are a man who wishes to reach his God-given potential as a man even in the midst of the emasculating culture, then you need to read this book. Read it for yourself. Read it for your sons. Read it for the generations yet born. This book will motivate you to step up and be a man! Happy reading!
October 12, 2016
Dennis understands what men need! He explains how we as men are created by God to step up and be the leaders of our families God calls us to be. Many were raised in fatherless homes or their fathers were simply emotionally absent. They may grow up and not know how to be leaders in their own homes. This book is a wake up call to those who don't know, or forgot how to lead their families. It merits a standing ovation!
August 27, 2015
Loved his perspective on the later years of life! I am young, and sometimes it is almost discouraging to know all too soon I will be old...but his vision gives purpose to the final years! My life doesn't end when my children leave it simply takes a different but important role.
April 23, 2018
Great Book for mentioning and growing into the man God wants us to be.
February 19, 2022
Men do their duty under fire 🔥
Look at the legacy you leave behind
A man doesn’t have to understand gods purposes to be a gods man, if he knows who god is and trusts him.
Five steps to a man’s journey
Boyhood, adolescence, manhood, mentor and patriarch
Whether you are a young man or are nearing the end of your life, my charge to you is this: press into the battle, fill
Your lungs with smoke from the front lines, and finish strong. Be prepared to shine when presented with your finest hour.
Soldier acknowledges the storm, but he doesn’t give into it. He stands firm.
Providing for your family is more than meeting physical needs. It also means taking responsibility to provide for emotional and spiritual needs.
Stepping up.
1. A man controls his emotions and passions
2. A man provides for his family
3. A man protects his family
4. A man served and leads his family
5. A man follows gods design for true masculinity
Boyhood - your son needs your training, teaching and tough love.
Boys get their first glimpse of their Heavenly Father by watching their earthly fathers.
Adolescence - some fathers do the easy thing - disengage. An antidote to the push back and the pull out is to continue pressing into your sons life. 👈👈
Share your failures and struggles, as well as your successes with your son.
Passport2purity
Stepping up to a courageous manhood is a lifetime process.
Taking the initiative is hard work, and I’m tired.
Pray daily with your wife 💛💛💛
As a single man, you can protect the innocence of a single woman you are dating by being a noble man of character and keeping your hands off her! 🙋🏻♂️🙋🏻♂️
Temptation isn’t Sin; it’s when we swallow it and act on it that it becomes sin. And It can destroy our lives.
To fear god means that I hold him in reverential awe
(Respectful/worshipping)
A man’s legacy involves believing in and empowering younger men. 👋👋👋
Begin asking god to give you a couple of men to mentor
Great men do not rust out but to wear our as they stretch out toward the finish line. Pg 176
-just short of the finish line you can continue to be used by god.
I encourage you to do your duty - keep stepping up!! Pg 198
Look at the legacy you leave behind
A man doesn’t have to understand gods purposes to be a gods man, if he knows who god is and trusts him.
Five steps to a man’s journey
Boyhood, adolescence, manhood, mentor and patriarch
Whether you are a young man or are nearing the end of your life, my charge to you is this: press into the battle, fill
Your lungs with smoke from the front lines, and finish strong. Be prepared to shine when presented with your finest hour.
Soldier acknowledges the storm, but he doesn’t give into it. He stands firm.
Providing for your family is more than meeting physical needs. It also means taking responsibility to provide for emotional and spiritual needs.
Stepping up.
1. A man controls his emotions and passions
2. A man provides for his family
3. A man protects his family
4. A man served and leads his family
5. A man follows gods design for true masculinity
Boyhood - your son needs your training, teaching and tough love.
Boys get their first glimpse of their Heavenly Father by watching their earthly fathers.
Adolescence - some fathers do the easy thing - disengage. An antidote to the push back and the pull out is to continue pressing into your sons life. 👈👈
Share your failures and struggles, as well as your successes with your son.
Passport2purity
Stepping up to a courageous manhood is a lifetime process.
Taking the initiative is hard work, and I’m tired.
Pray daily with your wife 💛💛💛
As a single man, you can protect the innocence of a single woman you are dating by being a noble man of character and keeping your hands off her! 🙋🏻♂️🙋🏻♂️
Temptation isn’t Sin; it’s when we swallow it and act on it that it becomes sin. And It can destroy our lives.
To fear god means that I hold him in reverential awe
(Respectful/worshipping)
A man’s legacy involves believing in and empowering younger men. 👋👋👋
Begin asking god to give you a couple of men to mentor
Great men do not rust out but to wear our as they stretch out toward the finish line. Pg 176
-just short of the finish line you can continue to be used by god.
I encourage you to do your duty - keep stepping up!! Pg 198
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 27, 2025
This book asserts that courage is a core characteristic of manhood, defined by the author as being not the absence of fear, but rather a conscious determination that something else is more important than fear. Courage can be found in all sorts of acts: from daring acts of extraordinary heroism, to the solemn task of being the emotional and practical bedrock for a family experiencing grief.
The author goes on to identify four forms of courage which men are called to step up to throughout our lives: the courage to initiate ("nothing comes to the man who is passive except failure"), the courage to protect ("men have a responsibility to embrace standards and stand for truth"), the courage to resist temptation ("temptation isn't inherently sin, but when we act in it, it can destroy our lives"), and the courage to believe ("manhood requires you to adopt and adhere to principles. What do YOU know, and what do YOU believe?").
This book's primary audience seems to be fathers, meaning much of it didn't apply to me, and it's written from an evangelical Protestant perspective, meaning there's plenty of ideas in here I find difficult to accept.
Nevertheless, I'm grateful I read it, and hope to find more books like it. Most modern discourse about masculinity either focuses on toxic masculinity to such a degree as to suggest that masculinity itself is inherently toxic, or it's destructive drivel from manchild influencers whose idea of masculinity is perpetual adolescence. It was refreshing to read a book written in this century offering any suggestion that men could and should be more than we are.
The author goes on to identify four forms of courage which men are called to step up to throughout our lives: the courage to initiate ("nothing comes to the man who is passive except failure"), the courage to protect ("men have a responsibility to embrace standards and stand for truth"), the courage to resist temptation ("temptation isn't inherently sin, but when we act in it, it can destroy our lives"), and the courage to believe ("manhood requires you to adopt and adhere to principles. What do YOU know, and what do YOU believe?").
This book's primary audience seems to be fathers, meaning much of it didn't apply to me, and it's written from an evangelical Protestant perspective, meaning there's plenty of ideas in here I find difficult to accept.
Nevertheless, I'm grateful I read it, and hope to find more books like it. Most modern discourse about masculinity either focuses on toxic masculinity to such a degree as to suggest that masculinity itself is inherently toxic, or it's destructive drivel from manchild influencers whose idea of masculinity is perpetual adolescence. It was refreshing to read a book written in this century offering any suggestion that men could and should be more than we are.
January 7, 2018
Stepping Up is a book most applicable to fathers and older men. There are some good points in the book which I felt applied to me as a young adult, but the majority of the advice I felt were things where I made a mental note of "Oh! I should remember that when I have kids to parent." I think there would be value in rereading this when I am older. However, there may also be better resources out there that cover the same topic. Especially, in the area of spiritual application and Biblical advice. Dennis Rainiey gave lots of solid advice, but there was not a lot of verses and Biblical application. That is not to say that Rainey gave any advice contrary to the Bible, but when he would insert a verse it seemed to be a one off thing, not something chewed on and disected.
March 14, 2020
An excellent reminder of God's calling for men of all ages. Although I felt much of this book was aimed at older men, it served as an excellent example to me of what to expect of myself as I grow older. I found myself picturing what I want to be like as an older man, and as a man now. I did not always agree with every concept described herein, but I wholeheartedly stand by the purpose and Godly intent of each word in this book. So much of it reminded me of my own dad and other Godly mentors in my life. I will probably return to this book and reread it several years down the road as I enter new chapters of my life.
April 7, 2020
Many of the stories in this book are very engaging and really support the ideas of the author about manliness in different stages. I think that sometimes too many and too long stories can take away from the message of the book. I am very thankful for Mr. Rainey's look into the different stages of life and how we can impact the world around us alongside our family. I do believe that there are far too few men in the church that are "stepping up" no matter what stage we are talking about. The section about mentors I thought was very helpful and challenging for men who quite often ignore this necessity for the growth in many areas of our lives.
July 24, 2020
Pretty much a chicken soup book for boomer men. It swings between great advice for baby boomer aged fathers and dripping, “so called” evangelical American stereotypes and cliches (women rule men drool, all men are pigs and immature, all women have supernatural sensing of God’s unwritten prophecy and are always right.)
Like all fair books, sometimes it was great sometimes it was disappointing, just keep reading!
Like all fair books, sometimes it was great sometimes it was disappointing, just keep reading!
June 23, 2024
A book for males of all ages - describes the discipleship and personal issues and challenges faced by men of every age. In this age of political correctness, the author re-establishes the virtues of masculinity; courage, discipline, bravery, honesty, toughness, dignity, purpose, and moral virtue. The book covers all ages of life from childhood to old age.
Book has a video series that goes with it. I highly recommend watching the series while you read the book.
Book has a video series that goes with it. I highly recommend watching the series while you read the book.
July 9, 2017
Sort of a life's work for Rainey, discussing the roles and transitions and struggles of manhood from childhood through adolescence, adulthood, mentorship, and the patriarch.
It's most light reading, full of stories and examples of what men are called to at each stage of life.
It's most light reading, full of stories and examples of what men are called to at each stage of life.
February 15, 2019
Dennis Rainey does a great job of cutting to the chase for men to "Step Up" to courageous manhood. with enough personable stories to keep you engaged, Rainey outlines the 5 steps in a man's life and how to progress through them with God as our guide.
September 24, 2019
Great read with my son!
Very well written, engaging book! Recommended to other men who I have walked through life with for over 25 years this morning to read with their sons. Great for a men’s group or men to read with their sons.
Very well written, engaging book! Recommended to other men who I have walked through life with for over 25 years this morning to read with their sons. Great for a men’s group or men to read with their sons.
January 29, 2022
So much more than a machismo book. Dennis walks us through the stages of life for every man and provides important insight into becoming the man we were made to be in every stage.
I highly recommend this book!
I highly recommend this book!
July 14, 2022
With this book Dennis Rainey inspires men to be men. In a matter of fact way he makes a case that courageous manhood is an imperative, if a mam must live life meaningfully; and it is possible, against all odds.
June 1, 2017
Meh. One of those books that probably makes a great sermon, but doesn't belong in book format. Mostly just a few pieces of wisdom surrounded by pages and pages of anecdotes.
July 10, 2018
A great book for men to read. Highly recommended, each age group of men can learn and glean from this book.
March 17, 2019
A strong overview of the steps men should be aware of and strive for in their lives. It is a great starting point to digging deeper into who we are as men and who God is calling us to be.
July 22, 2022
American culture references etc so not the best for UK audience. Felt more like a rally cry book but nothing really substantial to read or take away.
September 29, 2022
Yesterday, you said, "tomorrow." What are you waiting for? Just do it.
December 13, 2022
We were made to be courageous
January 29, 2024
Excellent! Gave us laughs, moved us to tears, challenged us to see the God given gift of manhood.
February 8, 2024
Fantastic; will likely gift it to others.
August 17, 2025
A great book for every man to read at every stage of life.
March 25, 2017
Good stuff
Our culture desperately needs men. A great outline for steps to take in being that kind of man. The challenge is before us...
Our culture desperately needs men. A great outline for steps to take in being that kind of man. The challenge is before us...
January 1, 2016
Rainey's goal is to explain "how a man is designed to relate to God" by looking at
- one's life and his father's relationship with him
- the man I am and hope to be
- one's relationship with God
- the legacy he will leave behind
The author breaks down the book into five sections -
Boyhood: exploration and discovery
Adolescence: pushing and pulling
Manhood: stepping up again and again
Mentor: investment and impact
Patriarch: influence and relevance
INTRODUCTION
He is a good writer and storyteller. His best question:
"What is the most courageous thing you have ever done?"
"A real man rejects passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously, and expects God's greater reward"
Initiative is the heart of manhood
"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage" Anais Nin
BOYHOOD
"It's better to build boys than mend men." Truett Cathy
Fathers are often absent today.
Every child needs teaching training, modeling in the areas of character, relationships, identity, mission
"A boy without a father figure is like an explorer without a map" Unknown
Be involved and intentional with your son
ADOLESCENCE
"... while the teenage years are seeded with temptations and vulnerabilities, they can be a time when courage is forged."
With each new generation, we have lowered our expectations for teenagers -- reject this mindset of our culture p76/78
Work is a powerful tool in overcoming selfishness, sweat and calluses are good for a young man.
Develop common interests -son/dad
Puberty and self control are BIG and require courage to face this test/battle
MANHOOD
Shackleton's story reminds us that it takes courage as men to know our duty, lead our families, pursue God's call for our lives, and never give up whatever the obstacles
Initiative is the essence of manhood
For instance in one's relationship with his spouse
1. What would it take to make you feel more loved?
2. What could I do to make you feel more respected?
3. What could I do to make you feel more understood?
4. What could I do to make you feel more secure?
5. What could I do to make you feel more confident in our future direction?
6. What attribute would you like me to develop?
7. What attribute would you like me to help YOU develop?
8. What achievement in my life would bring you the greatest joy?
9. What would indicate to you that I really desire to be more Christlike?
10. What mutual goal would you like to see us accomplish?
"Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live taking the form of a readiness to die." G.K. Chesterton
Protect the family.
Resist destructive temptation.
"Cowardice asks the question, Is it safe? Expediency ask the question, Is it politic? Vanity asks the question, Is it popular? But conscience asks the question, Is it right?" Martin Luther King, Jr
A spiritual relationship with Jesus gives value and strength to do the right thing.
MENTOR
"There is not power on earth that can neutralize the influence of a high, simple and useful life." Booker T. Washington
Look beyond ourselves to impact the next generation. Pass on godly values, walk the path of wisdom that is seen.
Every man needs a mentor, a coach.
Believe in and empower younger men
"It is the righteous man who lives for the next generation." Dietrich Bonhoeffer
A mentor is: available, purposeful, authentic
PATRIARCH
"When your memories are more exciting than your dreams, you've begun to die." Howard Hendricks
"It's nice to start well. It's better to finish well." Dr. William Culbertson
"He taught me how to live and he taught me how to die"
"A man's willingness to offer his life for his wife or for anyone else who happens to need him is not the end of everything. It is only the end of himself. He who is fully man has relinguished his right to himself." Elizabeth Elliot
"Faith is taking the first step even though you don't see the whole staircase." Martin Luther King, Jr
- What is the issue in my life where it's become clear that "It's time!"
- Who is the person(s) that I need to be courageous and intentional with regarding influence and relationship?
This book is full of practical motivators and ideas for me.
It is also full of examples of where I have fallen WAY short in my role as a man, husband, father, brother, and friend
By God's grace I will become a better man.
- one's life and his father's relationship with him
- the man I am and hope to be
- one's relationship with God
- the legacy he will leave behind
The author breaks down the book into five sections -
Boyhood: exploration and discovery
Adolescence: pushing and pulling
Manhood: stepping up again and again
Mentor: investment and impact
Patriarch: influence and relevance
INTRODUCTION
He is a good writer and storyteller. His best question:
"What is the most courageous thing you have ever done?"
"A real man rejects passivity, accepts responsibility, leads courageously, and expects God's greater reward"
Initiative is the heart of manhood
"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage" Anais Nin
BOYHOOD
"It's better to build boys than mend men." Truett Cathy
Fathers are often absent today.
Every child needs teaching training, modeling in the areas of character, relationships, identity, mission
"A boy without a father figure is like an explorer without a map" Unknown
Be involved and intentional with your son
ADOLESCENCE
"... while the teenage years are seeded with temptations and vulnerabilities, they can be a time when courage is forged."
With each new generation, we have lowered our expectations for teenagers -- reject this mindset of our culture p76/78
Work is a powerful tool in overcoming selfishness, sweat and calluses are good for a young man.
Develop common interests -son/dad
Puberty and self control are BIG and require courage to face this test/battle
MANHOOD
Shackleton's story reminds us that it takes courage as men to know our duty, lead our families, pursue God's call for our lives, and never give up whatever the obstacles
Initiative is the essence of manhood
For instance in one's relationship with his spouse
1. What would it take to make you feel more loved?
2. What could I do to make you feel more respected?
3. What could I do to make you feel more understood?
4. What could I do to make you feel more secure?
5. What could I do to make you feel more confident in our future direction?
6. What attribute would you like me to develop?
7. What attribute would you like me to help YOU develop?
8. What achievement in my life would bring you the greatest joy?
9. What would indicate to you that I really desire to be more Christlike?
10. What mutual goal would you like to see us accomplish?
"Courage is almost a contradiction in terms. It means a strong desire to live taking the form of a readiness to die." G.K. Chesterton
Protect the family.
Resist destructive temptation.
"Cowardice asks the question, Is it safe? Expediency ask the question, Is it politic? Vanity asks the question, Is it popular? But conscience asks the question, Is it right?" Martin Luther King, Jr
A spiritual relationship with Jesus gives value and strength to do the right thing.
MENTOR
"There is not power on earth that can neutralize the influence of a high, simple and useful life." Booker T. Washington
Look beyond ourselves to impact the next generation. Pass on godly values, walk the path of wisdom that is seen.
Every man needs a mentor, a coach.
Believe in and empower younger men
"It is the righteous man who lives for the next generation." Dietrich Bonhoeffer
A mentor is: available, purposeful, authentic
PATRIARCH
"When your memories are more exciting than your dreams, you've begun to die." Howard Hendricks
"It's nice to start well. It's better to finish well." Dr. William Culbertson
"He taught me how to live and he taught me how to die"
"A man's willingness to offer his life for his wife or for anyone else who happens to need him is not the end of everything. It is only the end of himself. He who is fully man has relinguished his right to himself." Elizabeth Elliot
"Faith is taking the first step even though you don't see the whole staircase." Martin Luther King, Jr
- What is the issue in my life where it's become clear that "It's time!"
- Who is the person(s) that I need to be courageous and intentional with regarding influence and relationship?
This book is full of practical motivators and ideas for me.
It is also full of examples of where I have fallen WAY short in my role as a man, husband, father, brother, and friend
By God's grace I will become a better man.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 72 reviews