Surviving the Loss of a Child: Support for Grieving Parents

by Elizabeth B. Brown

Nothing can steal peace and joy and undermine the very foundation of someone's life like losing a child. It is devastating on a level that most of us can't imagine. Written after the loss of the author's own child, Surviving the Loss of a Child offers encouragement and hope to those who may think they will never be able to live fully after such tragedy. Bereaved parents, as well as friends, counselors, pastors, and caregivers, will find this book a source of comfort and discover coping mechanisms as they move through their grief. Revised and updated, it has short chapters that are easy to take in, perfect for people going through this difficult time.

Genres: Grief

210 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 1992

Reviews

[Miranda Simmons · Rating 2 out of 5]

I usually wouldn’t write a review for a book I didn’t finish reading, but this one is an exception. My first negative reaction came in chapter one where she recounts thinking “... Children don’t die. I mean real children, children who have been born and leave the hospital...” I read that and wanted to throw the book at the wall. REAL children? That leave the hospital? What about miscarriages? Are those children not real? What about my own child- the reason I’m reading this book- who lived 9.5 months in the NICU? Is she not a real child because she never came home? What an ignorant thing to write and not address how this thought is myopic, hurtful to other parents!

The second thing I was repulsed by was in the writer’s list of dangers of choosing not survive- a statistic of bereaved parents under psychiatric care. Psychiatric care is not a danger but a valid tool of survival if a parent needs it. Let’s not further the stigma of mental health!

Then the last straw was the phrase “People who move more rapidly through the grief process” with a list of these apparently curative attributes. Good gracious, grieving is not a race to get to the finish line!

I don’t know if I’ll ever finish this book. I’ve read several books on grief at this point, and I will say there are several much better than this author’s personal portrayal of how grief should go. For those reading my review, please peruse “When the Bough Breaks” by Dr. Bernstein who covers a myriad of bereaved parents and/or “Empty Cradle, Broken Heart” by Dr. Deborah L Davis if you’ve experienced pregnancy or infant loss.

[Yan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I feel like no one understands me better until I read this book. My good friends gave it to me at the funeral of my baby boy. The process of grieving starts right by understanding how you feel. It starts by reading a book and I recommend this book. However, surviving it does not stop here. Seek for a support group too.

www.complicatedmelody.com/content/sur...

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was given so many books on grief when our twelve year unexpectantly died. This is by the best for a parent who has lost a child.

[Ally · Rating 1 out of 5]

I got 1/3 the way through the book and I had to stop. As nice as the story is to listen to as a grieving parent, there was a lot that didn't make sense and was a waste of time. I'll be sticking with other resources and will only recommend this book to a very specific type of person.

Here's my biggest problems with the book, through page 50:

•RELIGIOUS/GOD'S WILL - No mention of spirituality is written in the front or back covers of this book except if you count where it says "her pastor husband" on the About Author section. Although I am a practicing Christian and also grieving the loss of my child, this book seriously needs to mention God somewhere more obviously on the cover so that readers know what they are getting into. I can see the frustration in other reviewer's comments about this as well. I found it most frustrating, from a Christian perspective, that you can clearly pull the author's specific denominational background from the theology explained in the book. I agree with most of it, but I find it aggravating that it is so blatantly obvious. What if I was Catholic? Or Mormon? I thought we were talking about surviving the loss of a child, not the theologies of God and death. That should be left to each person individually, I don't care what you believe or don't, this is a terrible time to discuss that with someone grieving (or make someone doubt their beliefs).
•LEANNE'S RITES - I have never, until this book, heard someone call death "rites." And it made the entire book seem less real because of it. I want to read the real, raw word, not some synonym to make the book feel soothing. I did not empathize with the author's story as much because of this.
•COMPARISONS/EXAMPLES None of her comparisons made any sense at all. The Billy Graham story on page 48? That made absolutely no sense to the point she was trying to make.
•MEDICATION USAGE - Page 46 "I was offered drugs from the moment I learned of LeAnne's plight, but how grateful I am I did not take them." Ummm, so how are you going to address those of us who are ALREADY on medication for our grief?! The author gave absolutely NO encouragement for taking medication in certain circumstances....she only said how grateful she was that she didn't take them because they numb the pain. Yeah, that's exactly what they are supposed to do. Numb the pain so that you can function as a human and process the grief without hurting yourself.
•HALLUCINATIONS - Page 46 She mentions how her husband and two year old experienced a supernatural moment, like a ghost encounter almost, about their daughter who died. They found peace in that moment. But immediately following that paragraph she mentions not to be alarmed if you experienced something like that.....UNLESS you have them for a long time, "seek professional help." I know in some cases this is true, but she makes it seem that it is terrible if it happens more than once and that you are crazy. What if these experiences are from God? Doesn't even cover that possibility.

[Michael Summers · Rating 4 out of 5]

After I remembered that people process grief differently, I allowed this writer to help me. My son died when not quite 28 without warning from an aneurysm. While the book focuses on experiences of families where a younger child dies, many of the grief experiences are the same for me and my surviving adult children. Brown acknowledges this by mentioning the grief of parents whose 61 year old son had just died. She and I disagree about closed caskets; I wanted to see my son's face. We agree about informal gatherings where friends can talk about what made the child special to them. A wake that we hosted for my son's friends and co-workers was carthartic for many of them as well as us. I started to cry at unexpected places in the book. I've been told that no one completely recovers from the death of a child. While I find this true, there are more days four years later when I can say, "It is well with my soul." This is a good book for grieving parents and siblings, for friends who don't know what to say or do, and for caregivers, whether doctors, nurses, or ministers. I recommend it for private reading and for small group discussion.

[Brian · Rating 5 out of 5]

Explains enough

Like it , explains enough to understand some of the feelings going through me at this point of my grief.

[David Hensley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I fantastic resource for those who are enduring the pain that comes from the loss of a child.

[Meera Chakkera · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful book on grief 😁😁😍😍 !!

[Michele Rios Petrelli · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had some pretty solid points on what it feels like to lose a child, however they left out one huge cause of death amongst teens and young adult children. That is the only reason why I give it 3 stars. If Mrs. Brown isn't familiar with that "other" cause of death then she should probably educate herself if she considers herself an advocate for grief over the death of a child. You should never discount or exclude losing a child to an accidental drug overdose, especially in this day and age. It's valid and a huge loss beyond measure. Unexpected death of your child due to this nature of dying is devastating and crippling. The other tips and insights are vital and I found them to be helpful at least the ones that weren't already validated for me. The ones lingering for me are the stupid things people or rather your "close" friend tells you that is inappropriate and insensitive to your well-being. This I admit I'm having struggles with because I want to cut those people out of my life.....but she brings up good perspective in finding find forgiveness for others ignorance, not always easy and takes practice but I appreciate the guidance there.

[Judi · Rating 4 out of 5]

My mistake in buying this

I was in extreme pain having just lost a child to a drug overdose. I didn't do my homework in ordering this. There was nothing on drug abuse. I also didn't realize there were so many references to God, which is fine if this is what you are looking for. I wasn't. There were many good and helpful passages in the book, especially on how my feelings of grief were normal, but I wish I had read the sample more carefully.

[Janet · Rating 3 out of 5]

was good but wish I could find one for losing an adult child