On My Knees

by Tristram La Roche

Surviving on alcohol and antidepressants, Mark staggers through his unhappy marriage and watches his London architectural business head for the rocks. When another nasty argument with his wife sends him to the gym to blow off steam, a tall, dark stranger enflames a part of him he’s denied all these years, trying to convince himself he’s not “weird.” But Mark’s not weird, he’s gay. And after a taste of Attila’s lips, nothing can put that genie back in the bottle…
(Adult/Gay/Novella - word count 24,522)

Genres: M M Romance, Contemporary, Gay, M M Contemporary

84 pages, Kindle Edition

First published June 1, 2011

About the author

Tristram La Roche was born in London and spent much of his childhood in Europe. His career has included tourism and yacht charter, as well as a brief period working as a freelance journalist. His interests include travel, art, music, opera, cinema, books and current affairs, and he is passionate about the rights of the GLBT community. La Roche's work pushes the boundaries of traditional romance, aligning him more with writers of gay literature such as Hollinghurst and Rupert Smith. On My Knees, his debut contemporary romance published by Etopia Press, was a Kindle UK bestseller. He has just re-released On My Knees in a refreshed version. Fixed, his third novella, explores a more masculine side of gay love while his latest, an historical work entitled The Hun and The General, published in December 2011 by Etopia Press, has already been hailed by some as his finest yet. June 2013 saw him join forces with Daniel deLoite to release an anthology - MANTHOLOGY in eBook and paperback.

Reviews

[Portia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mark has earned his mid-life crisis. On My Knees begins with Mark and his wife in a heated argument with her pulling a knife on him. It's no wonder that the poor guy is a card carrying alcoholic. Rather than remain in his house while his wife is on a rampage, Mark decides to go work out at his health club. There he meets Attila, a beautiful gay man who reminds Mark of desires he has spent his whole life trying to keep in the closet.

I didn't think that I was going to enjoy this book. All I could see at first was this weak little man all set to cheat on his wife. But, as I read on, I began to root for him. It was sweet to watch him get in touch with not only his orientation, but his personhood.

Would I change anything...maybe I'd let Mark explore a bit more before I gave him a happily ever after. But, all in all...I enjoyed this book and would definitely recommend it.

[Emma Shortt · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found myself really enjoying this, despite the fact I'm not a huge fan of m/m. It was weird for me because m/m has rules a little different from a traditional romance and I had to remind myself of that.

The realism is what bagged this book five stars, because it was real, the characters, the drama--I could see it all happening--even when I didn't want to!

Well worth a read.

[Arzu · Rating 1 out of 5]

I didn't like this one at all. It felt rushed with no connection, no sparks between the MCs. I really don't know what to say about it. Within 48 hours Mark meets a guy at the gym, falls in love with him, leaves his wife of 10 years, goeas to a gay sauna bad and moves in with the other guy ... so unrealistic!!
Sorry but never again!!

[Chris · Rating 1 out of 5]

1.5 stars. So-so short m/m romance about a guy who, after a row with his wife, realizes he's gay while talking with a guy he met at the gym. While I really liked the first-person narrator's voice, the story was all over the place. Insta-love was the final straw.

[Alex Carreras · Rating 5 out of 5]

Super sexy read. Tristram can write sex very well. He got a rise out of me.

[Daanquai · Rating 1 out of 5]

I'm amazed at how many high ratings this book got here on GoodReads. It just goes to show "different strokes for different folks" and all that.

I didn't like this book at all. First it started out kinda weird, Mark coming home drunk after hanging out with some friends and his wife comes at him with a knife, she's so mad. So he decides to go the gym to give her time to cool off. See, that right there almost made me put the book down (how do you just shrug something like that off like it's no big deal? And he's drunk, so he decides to go work out?) But I decided to keep reading (this book received a lot of 4 & 5 stars ratings here, so it had to be at least somewhat good, right?) and well, it did get better for a quick minute. So Mark meets the other MC, Attila at the gym, they go for beer/dinner and then they head back to Attila's place afterwards, where....nothing happened. Attila wasn't going to get involved with a married guy (he says later he noticed his wedding ring at the gym but didn't want to assume; so why couldn't he have asked about it before going through all the trouble of getting a reluctant in-the-closet Mark to have a drink with him? Eeesh). It's the Day After where the book fell apart again for me. Mark decides to come clean and admit to the world he's gay after all. He decides to leave his wife because of that (and not because, you know, she tried to kill him or anything), and he's going to move in with Attila, because he's in love. Attila, who practically blew him off when Mark called him the next day to tell him he's leaving his wife for him (stalker, much?) Oh, and apparently Mark is not only married to a psycho, but his business is in the crapper too. I guess the author needed to throw that into the story for no reason other than to illustrate how pathetic Mark's life is.

There was no sparks between the MCs at all. In fact, I was liking Mark's friend much better for helping guide him "out of the closet" (by referring him to a gay sauna to see if he actually is gay cuz that's what friends do). At first, it seemed Attila was more annoyed than anything when Mark decided to be out. No help, guidance, nothing from Attila, which didn't make me root for him at all. Which was a shame because the author did portray Attila to be a stand up guy, but at the same time, a little too judgmental for my taste.

And then there's the whole "falling in love at first sight" mess, which is a plot I am most definitely not a fan of at all. Sometimes an author can pull it off and make it believable, but definitely not here.

[Susan Roebuck · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tristram La Roche has taken the well-known theme of man finally finding his true-self and has woven a believable tale around it with enjoyable and professionally written story-telling. There's not a superfluous word anywhere.

This is a sweet but hot “coming out” novella that manages to convey both anguish and delight in a fairly short work. His characters are so touching and realistic that they left me wondering with concern what their futures held. I have a feeling we might see more of at least one of them (Justin comes to mind) since he piqued my imagination as soon as he made his appearance. For those who enjoy their sex-scenes hot (and I needed the air-conditioning on full blast), then this won’t disappoint, yet this aspect was not in the least gratuitous and was handled with aplomb and skill. I give full marks to Tristram and look forward to reading what he has to offer in the future.

[Catherine Cavendish · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'll be honest, having never read a book in this genre before, I wasn't at all sure what to expect and hesitated a little before buying it. I certainly knew there would be m/m sex and it was likely to be pretty steamy (only partially unintentional pun there - you'll understand when you read the book). I wasn't prepared for a sensitive story about a man's discovery of his true sexuality.

It all rang true as some years ago, I had a very good (male) friend who had gone through some similar awakenings to the main character in this story. I don't want to give any spoilers here but this really is a very well written, authentic story about real characters who I cared about. Tristram LaRoche is a new name to me. I shall be looking out for him in the future because he writes well and he's 'relevant' in this day and age (as Simon Cowell would say). Gets my 5 stars!

[Tristram Roche]

I don't really think it would be right for me to rate my own book - I'll leave that to the readers. I just want to point out that On My Knees is a novella, a bit under 25,000 words, so it is necessarily fast-paced. If you like longer books that dwell on great detail you probably won't like it. It is also contemporary, about real people; if you prefer to read about gay angels and vampires it probably won't be your cup of tea. I hope you enjoy it, if not, I'm sorry, but I appreciate your support and the fact that you had a look.
For some reason there is another profile for the book here: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/11...

Merged review:
http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/11...

[ManOhMan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reviewed by Max: Just like the blurb states, this story is about discovery and a man's journey to find his true self that he has hidden for years.

This novella did it for me. I liked the author's style of writing, and the ease in which he used words to pull everything together. The story was realistic and I could easily imagine this scenario playing out in many men's lives, and I'm sure it has. I consider this to be a top read, and Mr. La Roche will be on my list for writers to explore in the future.

A+

[Feliz · Rating 3 out of 5]

ummm...okay, I think?
Some funny lines and sexy scenes, and the inside - view of the gay bathhouse... my inner peeper just rolled over to be petted.
But just when the story had begun, the book ended.
Also, I found Mark rather wimpy.

[Simsala · Rating 4 out of 5]

An open relationship gone bad. - In a good way!
Well written and realistic - sometimes too realistic.I could see and smell things I didn`t want to...
First published work? I`m impressed...

[Sandy Malone · Rating 1 out of 5]

I did not like this book at all it felt rushed. And honestly it was hard to keep reading it...i have never been so bored with a book in my life!

[James Cox · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great, hot book that hit close to home for me. I'm loving La Roche's stuff.

[Lady*M · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars

It was really difficult for me to rate this story. On one hand, I liked the narrator and his voice very, very much. On the other, the insta-love scenario and supporting characters were major letdowns.

Mark is a man with a lot on his plate. And I mean, A LOT. He is pushing forty, struggling with depression and alcoholism. He acknowledges that he's gay for the first time and initiates a divorce. His business is failing and he begins a new relationship. The author did a great job to describe the chaos that he is living in, the emotional whirlwind he found himself in after waking from a coma his life turned into. It was painful and fun at the same time to read about it. The description of Mark's thoughts and actions felt real - gritty and schizophrenic and elating at once.

The stakes for Mark are high: his sanity, his heart, his life. The potentials for the story - enormous. The payoff? Well, that's the problem. Attila as love interest is unsatisfactory to say the least. Who is Attila? It's hard to say, since his personality changed several times during novella. From understanding, gentle guy to prick, from man misunderstood by his former boyfriends to self-professed man-slut. Also, I could see how someone as lost as Mark would attach himself to the first person who paid some attention to him. Falling in love in a couple of hours, though? No. Having his feelings returned after two-three nights together? Unrealistic.

Aside from Alex, Mark's colleague and best friend, who seemed like nice, understanding guy (even if he is an alcoholic as well), we are also introduced to Mark's wife Diana and another potential love interest - actor Justin. Diana is a crazy person, a bitch and a cheater, something that became such a cliché in m/m romance that it's painful to read about. She has no redeeming qualities and apparently no motives for being a bitch, bad wife and generally miserable person. I had high hopes for Justin, who seemed sweet, until it turned out he was a liar as well. I suppose, that was done to justify Mark being a jerk to him and going with Attila.

I mentioned potentials this story had. The author hints that Mark was abused by his father; there are hints of Attila's life in the U.S. as well as Mark's financial problems. Mark asks his doctor to look after Diana, which implies of some additional relationship between them. Non of these things as well as Mark's depression and drinking problem were addressed although there was material in Mark's story for another novella if not for the entire novel. It's a shame, because I feel this author has the means to tackle complex subjects and do them justice. The writing is solid and the story kept my interest. I really liked the character of Mark. However, that wasn't sufficient enough to make On My Knees entirely satisfactory. The nature of the story which describes the changes in one's life is to leave certain things open. I felt though that we were left with too many unknowns. I hope the author will give us more stories about Mark (and Attila, although only because of Mark). I will certainly pick up another author's story because I can see enormous potential here. In the end, I can recommend the story with some reservation.

[The TBR Pile *Book review site* · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enter Contest here: http://thetbrpile.weebly.com/1/post/2...

This was my first M/M and I admit proudly Mr. La Roche has converted me!

His first person point of view was vivid, exciting and completely captivating. From the moment Mark came home from drinks with his mates after work and was accosted by his knife wielding wife my mind was blown.

There was truly no telling where this story was going to take me. It’s clear our hero is unhappy, he’s spent a lifetime living to please others, and ended up in a slump with no end in sight. It made me rather sad because it’s clear he’s not a bad person and his wife is a complete nutter. Then enters Attila,with his big brown eyes,interesting past, and impeccable taste. He’s just too
perfect to resist. Their relationship is unconventional from the start. Meeting at the gym, they leave for drinks where Mark proceeds to get drunk. Attila insists he comes home with him to sober up, and gives him food for thought that leads him to admit he is indeed gay.

Despite the attraction and Mark’s willingness to explore his new found
identity, Attila’s not about to mess with a married man. This made me squeal in delight! It showed what Attila was made of, and what they had was going to be so much deeper than a fling. This was a hero I could love easily.

Mark and Attila’s road to happily ever after is rocky. Between Mark’s divorce, and Attila’s recent relationship baggage they stumble along their way, argue, and question what they’re doing. But in the end they always come back together, and really that’s what love is. Accepting the person you want to be with in all their flawed glory.

Tristram captures a moment in time where a man connects with his true self for the first time. It was a beautiful journey I felt privileged to witness. Learning to be who we really are despite what others may think is a learning process for all of us. Mark just happened to learn much later in life. The sex scenes were steamy without being graphic, and I was satisfied with the mixture of emotions and physical contact, but wouldn’t have minded seeing more.

This was a great read; the romance was real spicy and intriguing. If you’re curious about M/M romance, this is the perfect place to start.

[Renzo · Rating 5 out of 5]

First of all, whoever did the cover for this novella needs to win a prize. Browsing through the offerings on Amazon/Smashwords/All Romance e-books (I don't venture further afield!)this one leaps out and grabs your attention. What a refreshing change from the usual- and what a pair of guys! OK,the book itself. Well, it certainly is no disappointment. They say don't judge a book by its cover but in this case you can. It's an up and down coming out story with a plot (how unusual) and just the right balance of hot, raw sex and human love & emotion. The characters are so real you can almost touch them, and there is a clever and funny third character who really adds another dimension. La Roche writes brilliantly - succinct, clear prose that flows. He deserves to fly and I will definitely be looking for his next offering.

[Mandy*reads obsessively* · Rating 3 out of 5]

There were parts of this book that were so real and believable, gritty and even painful.
That's a good thing!
But I had a lot of trouble with Attila running hot and cold like that!
He says he loves Mark, why? I mean, I liked Mark, once he was honest with himself, but Attila loves him after a few hours together, but I don't get the feeling he even likes him! I guess, if I had been able to see into Attila's head, I might have understood better. As it was, I really didn't like him!
The whole trip to Amstdam and then coming back! Mark is far more understanding and forgiving than I am, that's for sure!
You might not be able to tell from my comments, but I actually enjoyed the book!

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a departure from my usual reading matter - not so much because it is MM romance - but more because this is set in a very real world, whereas I tend to read darker themed stories... perhaps more fantasy than reality. However, it was the realism that drew me in to the story. I'm not the most romantic person on the planet, but I enjoyed following Mark on his bumpy journey. I wondered if perhaps his acceptance of his sexuality was a bit quick- but love tends to strike fast, and when it strikes you know it!
This novella was refreshingly different from a lot of the romance I've read in the past... so if you don't usually read this genre give it a try!

[Ate · Rating 3 out of 5]

話としての設定は面白いし、展開もリアルな感じで良かったです。
評価としては、話のアプローチと設定の良さは☆４、たけどキャラへの私の共感度は☆１

どうも私には、キャラの気持ちの変化について説得力ある描写が足りないと感じる、つまり、キャラの行動に共感できずに反感を持ってしまう。

コメディ系やスリル系な展開の話ならそういう点は気にならないのですが、この話では展開がリアルで主人公も恋人も欠点がある生身の人間として描かれているだけに、特に、最後に主人公の恋人がとる唐突な行動は、あまりにも不可解で理想的すぎて白けてしまいました。

でも、これは単に、二人の性格が身勝手で思慮が浅くて、行動が衝動的だから好きになれない（共感できない）という私の好みの問題かもしれません。どちらのキャラの行動にもイライラしてしまいましたから。ああ、なまじ話の内容が良かっただけに、不満感が強く残る作品です。

[Calila · Rating 1 out of 5]

Really did not like this one. Attila was such an indecisive jerk. Mark was irritatingly whiny. The only character that I actually liked was Justin and he only had 1 scene and a later mention. I was hoping that Mark would realize that Attila was a jerk and reconnect with Justin but it never happened.

[Rachel Emily · Rating 1 out of 5]

I felt like the beginning was rushed and didn't think the characters worked well together at all. I struggled with reading this and I don't know, I just couldn't connect with the story. It seems plenty of other people did since there is such a wide range of reviews.

[Td · Rating 1 out of 5]

Nothing about this book made sense to me from the story to the characters,their behavior and reactions. I simply didn't get it and after a while I didn't even want to. From the ratings it seems like a love it or hate it type of book...this one wasn't for me.

[Karin Wollina · Rating 2 out of 5]

That was a little bit to insta-love for me. And I found not very believable that Mark informed everyone he knows of his being gay after meeting a man for the first time.
And even for a M/M romance: the Description of his wife as murderous bitch was .too much over the top for me.

[Eve · Rating 4 out of 5]

Repressed married gay man coming out in a bang. This charming short story is quick pace, a little bit disoriented (like its protagonist), slightly confusing but a sweet fun read.

[Anke · Rating 5 out of 5]

That was fun! Thanks Simsala :)

[space_pirate · Rating 1 out of 5]

WTF????

[Simon · Rating 1 out of 5]

This really is a short story and not terribly good at that. Wouldn't have wasted my money if I'd have read all the reviews on Amazon and not just the first three.

[Martin · Rating 2 out of 5]

A simple story, simply told.

A label-loving, alcohol-fuelled man falls in love.

It'll make a few stops on the train pass more quickly.