Every Mother Is a Daughter: The Neverending Quest for Success, Inner Peace, and a Really Clean Kitchen

by Perri Klass, Sheila Solomon Klass

Mothers and daughters go through so much–yet when was the last time a mother and daughter sat down collectively to write a book together about it all? Perri Klass and her mother, Sheila Solomon Klass, both gifted professional writers, prove to be ideal collaborators as they examine their decades of motherhood, daughterhood, and the wonderful, if sometimes fraught, ways their lives have overlapped.

Perri notes with amazement how closely her own life has mirrored her mother’ Both have full-time careers (Perri is a pediatrician; Sheila is recently retired from a long career as a college English professor but goes on teaching); both have published books, articles, and stories; each has three children; they both love to read, and to pass books back and forth. They also love to travel–in fact, they often take trips together (and live to tell the tale). But in truth, the harder they look at their lives, the more Perri and Sheila acknowledge their profound differences in circumstance and temperament.

A child of the Depression, Sheila was raised in Brooklyn by Orthodox Jewish parents who considered education an unnecessary luxury for girls. Starting with her college education, she has fought for everything she’s ever accomplished. Perri, on the other hand, grew up privileged and rebellious in the New Jersey suburbs of the 1960s and 1970s. For Sheila, fanatically frugal, wasting time or money is a crime, and luxury is unthinkable while Perri enjoys the occasional small luxury, but has not been successful at enticing her mother into even the tiniest self-indulgence.

Each writing in her own unmistakable voice, Perri and Sheila take turns exploring the joys and pains, the love and resentment, the petty irritations and abiding respect, that have always bound them together. Sheila recounts the adventure of giving birth to Perri in a tiny town in Trinidad where her husband was doing anthropological fieldwork. Perri confesses that she can’t tame her domestic chaos even though she knows it drives her mother crazy. Sheila rhapsodizes about the bliss of becoming a grandmother. Perri marvels at her mother’s fearless navigation of the New York City subways. Together they compare thoughts on bringing up children and working, confess long-hidden sorrows, relish precious memories–and even offer family recipes and knitting patterns.

Looking deep into the lives they have lived separately and together, Perri and Sheila tell their mother-daughter story with honesty, humor, zest, and mutual admiration. A memoir in two voices, Every Mother Is a Daughter is a duet that resonates with the experiences that all mothers and daughters will recognize.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Parenting, Audiobook, Knitting, Chick Lit

320 pages, Hardcover

First published April 1, 2006

About the author

Perri Klass is a pediatrician who writes fiction and non-fiction. She writes about children and families, about medicine, about food and travel, and about knitting. Her newest book is a novel, The Mercy Rule, and the book before that was a work of non-fiction, Treatment Kind and Fair: Letters to a Young Doctor, written in the form of letters to her older son as he starts medical school.
She lives in New York City, where she is Professor of Journalism and Pediatrics at New York University, and she has three children of her own. She is also Medical Director of Reach Out and Read, a national literacy organization which works through doctors and nurses to promote parents reading aloud to young children.
source: www.perriklass.com

Reviews

[Rebecca Bernzweig · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this as a casual memoir. It is a cool idea for a mom and daughter to co-write the history of their relationship, and also to use the entries as a back and forth discussion of their two different perceptions of the same events. It felt lighthearted yet also significant to acknowledge the smallest details of their respective childhoods, work life, marriages and motherhood experiences.

It was natural for the authors to do a piece like this, as they're both quite accomplished writers. It's a nice read, complete with a few recipes and even a few knitting patterns. My only regret is, I wish I had started with more background about each of them before I read this. I would recommend reading a few pieces by each before this one, personally. At first, not being familiar with these truly accomplished women, the book seemed to me to be rather indulgent, random observations on the lives of a mother and daughter. Not a bad thing, just not wholly absorbing. It was later when I googled both of them and read more about their lives and accomplishments that I was able to enjoy their writing more. I finished feeling that I would definitely be interested in following Perri's further writing, and reading some of her mother Sheila's books. I'm sad that Sheila has now passed, but glad for her and for Perri that they enriched each other's lives so well, and took the precious opportunity to honor their lives together in the best and most lasting way they knew how.

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

In THE RED TENT, Anita Diamante says "If you want to understand any woman you must first ask about her mother and then listen carefully. Stories about food show a strong connection. Wistful silences demonstrate unfinished business. The more a daughter knows about the details of her mother's life - without flinching or whining - the stronger the daughter.”

This quote could have been the epigraph to this book.

AHHHHH mothers and daughters - give it all to me. The audiobook version is like a non-stop therapy lesson, listening to a mother and daughter share their experiences and takes on each other. They are alike, they are different, they can't understand each other, they accept each other - ultimately though, they appreciate each other. I loved this book.

[Janet · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very pleasntly surprised. I listened to the tape and it was smart, funny and very well read. Loved it. Would have been 5 stars except for a misguided section on knitting. Perri told of knitting a scarf for her daughter in great detail and that was fine, but then she did it again with her mother's vest. It was too much and took some of the good energy out of the book for me. She recovered nicely toward the end of the book, so 4 1/2 stars. Mother and daughter alternating chapters and it was wonderful.

[Rilla · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a very personal account written by both the mother and the daughter about their relationship and the events they shared or learned from family lore. While the stories are unique to them the themesd and issues are universal. It will make you think, laugh, cry.

[Despain · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really couldn't stand the daughter's portion of the book, I found her slightly irritating. Loved the mother's sections. I enjoyed a new perspective on some things and couldn't help but think about my mom and our relationship

[Nora · Rating 2 out of 5]

The clean kitchen lured me in but alas it's just a journal of a mother and daughter and their different perspectives on their interactions. Yaaaaawn. To be fair I only read about half.

[Heidi · Rating 2 out of 5]

I thought it was interesting but not as entertaining as I was hoping for.

[Barbara · Rating 1 out of 5]

Just horrible. I thought it would be at least a little funny. NOT. The mother was a terrible narrator with an annoying voice that she tried to vary according to the emotion. Don't waste your time.

[Sallyg]

I din't like this book. It was very ordinary.

[Carol · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pleasant. I received this as a gift, from my mother, many years ago. I don’t know if she read it herself and I wish I could ask her so we could discuss it.

[Zan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to this on audio, the author and her mother read the book as each other. How clever. I enjoyed this very much.

[Janet Oettgen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent read that brings to life the complexity of the relationship between mother & daughter. With differing viewpoints; differing memories of the same events; at times seeing eye to eye and at other times agreeing to disagree - mother and daughter express their own perspective, keeping their relationship, love, and respect for one another remaining intact. Thank you for sharing!

[Rosie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very good

[Melissa Morris · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was an ok listen. Sometimes the voices were annoying to me and the story wasn't all that compelling.

[Mindy]

Audio

[Sue · Rating 4 out of 5]

I quite enjoyed this book written by a mother/daughter pair. The chapters alternated & you really could picture them working on the chapters. The mother is a college professor in NYC who is partially blind but navigates the NYC subways. The daughter is Perri Klass, pediatrician & early literacy advocate - she is a lover of taxis and hotel rooms. You could feel the love & admiration they share....

[Ella Brown · Rating 4 out of 5]

First thing about my review: I haven't tried the recipes yet! How many examples are there in literature where a real mother and her daughter have a genuine, deep dialogue? I can't think of many others either. So this book is a good find simply for that reason. Add to it the smooth writing. But any reader will know of many mother-daughter relations that are troubled, or worse, and this book doesn't shed much light on those darker, maybe more common, relationships.

[Suse · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this!!! I laughed cried and RELATED. Strangely I found myself most drawn to Sheila, mother of an older generation. The two authors bounce back and forth in a heartwarming exchange of feeling and philosophy. An honest, in-your-face and always loving look at why we are the mamas and daughters that we are. I highly recommend this book.

[Tara · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this years ago and loved it! Great life chronicle of a relationship between a mother and her daughter and how those lessons were transferred to the daughter's children. Don't have any children, but thought this offered some really good lessons for when I do.

[Tbellone · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this book - not a story exactly, but many vignettes from the perspective of mother and daughter. I related to Perri, because she is a pediatrician balancing career and children, BUT I LOVED her mother's writing style. Especially liked the ending - their journey together to India.

[Jennifer Donovan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book. I've listened to it 2 or 3 times. Anyone who enjoys memoir or the interaction between an adult daughter and mother, should read it. Sometimes a re-read disappoints, but this never does. The two readers (one who voices Perri Klass and one who voices Sheila Klass) are amazing.

[twahl · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great tale of mother daughter interactions. Klass is a beautiful writer.

[Michelle Gragg · Rating 1 out of 5]

Bleh! I did nopt like this book. Maybe if I had a remotely good relationship with my mom this book would have been readable. But, it was just too "Oh look my mom and me are best friends" for me.

[Jeni · Rating 2 out of 5]

This isn't quite what I expected. It started out with interesting stories but I am having a hard time finishing it, because it has gotten bland.

[Joshlyn · Rating 3 out of 5]

A mother and daughter reflecting on each other. I always like to read about "real life," maybe it's my nosy side.

[Tammy · Rating 2 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. Although I'm Perri's age or just a little younger, I sided with Sheila on most of their issues!

PS: LOVED INDIA and the TAJ Mahal experience!

[Beverly · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting dual memoir by a mother and daughter, each giving her own point of view on common history. Both women came across as intelligent and likeble.

[Nanette · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good and humerous. A mother and daughter writing about their life together adn teravels. Looking at life from both sets of eyes.

[Noel · Rating 2 out of 5]

Mother and daughter constantly compare and compete in the world. A bit of a sleeper for me.

[Kim Veach · Rating 2 out of 5]

Didn't really finish this. I just found it a little too "something". I'm not sure what the right word is - sort of too "New York intellectual". I just couldn't relate.