Alchemists sought to transform lead into gold. In the same way, says Tara Bennett-Goleman, we all have the natural ability to turn our moments of confusion or emotional pain into insightful clarity.
Emotional Alchemy maps the mind and shows how, according to recent advances in cognitive therapy, most of what troubles us falls into ten basic emotional patterns, including fear of abandonment, social exclusion (the feeling we don't belong), and vulnerability (the feeling that some catastrophe will occur). Through the simple practice of mindfulness taught in this book, we can free ourselves of such patterns and replace them with empathy for ourselves and others, as well as the freedom to be more creative and alive.
You'll find the very latest research in neuroscience--including the neurological "magic quarter second," during which it is possible for a thought to be "caught" before it turns into an emotional reaction. And you'll discover the fascinating parallels of this science with the wisdom of ancient Buddhism--for Buddhists knew centuries ago that we can end our self-destructive habits.
This remarkable book also teaches the practice of mindfulness, an awareness that lets us see things as they truly are without distortion or judgment, giving the most insightful explanation of how mindfulness can change not only our lives, but the very structure of our brains. Here is a beautifully rendered work full of Buddhist wisdom and stories of how people have used mindfulness to conquer their self-defeating habits. The result is a whole new way of approaching our relationships, work, and internal lives.
To say reading this book saved my life is an understatement. Took me roughly 4 weeks to read this book because after every page I was literally fighting tears. This books challenges you to be painfully honest with yourself. The touch of spirituality woven throughout the chapters is my favorite aspect. I recommend this book to anyone trying to find their way through the cloudiness of their own thoughts.
كتاب رائع ومفيد جدا يضيف الكثير في قضية التعامل مع العواطف فيما يظهر ان المؤلفة وجميع من استشهدت به في الكتاب ضمن المدرسة البوذية وهي مدرسة فيها ثقافة عالية وتجارب جيدة ولكنها منزوعة الدسم وهو التعلق بالله فللأسف وجدت خلاصة كتابها المتمثل في الكيمياء الروحية والذي ختمت به الكتاب وقد وجدته المؤلفة امرا مذهلا اذا ادرك الانسان هذا الامر وتعايش على ضوءه وهو يتلخص ببساطة في الإيمان بالقضاء والقدر وهو احد أركان الإيمان لدينا كمسلمين
احتوى الكتاب الكثير من طرق التأمل الواعي التي وجدتها مفيدة جدا لمعالجة مشاكل الانسان العاطفية وحتى العادات السيئة التي لا يستطيع تركها كل ذلك يمكن عن طريق التأمل الواعي
Bennett-Goleman T (1998) (14:24) Emotional Alchemy - How the Mind Can Heal the Heart
Foreword by the Dalai Lama
Part I: Emotional Alchemy
01. An Inner Alchemy • The Power of Mindfulness • The Metaphor of Alchemy • Refining Awareness • The Emotional Alchemy Synthesis • Mindfulness Applied • The Path to Transforming Emotions • If You Want to Try a Moment of Mindfulness • A Note to the Reader
02. A Wise Compassion • The Unfolding of Compassion • Wisdom and Compassion • Embodied Compassion • Equanimity • Courageousness of Heart • Making Friends with Ourselves • If You Want to Cultivate Equanimity and Compassion • • Loving-Kindness Practice
03. The Healing Qualities of Mindfulness • A Surrender to the Present • A Fight in a Tea Garden • The Space within the Clutter • A Space of Clarity • Seeing Afresh • A Calm within the Storm • A Shift in the Brain • Equanimity and Courage • Acceptance, Patience, and Confidence • Sustained Awareness • Attunement to the Present • Flexibility, Buoyancy, and Challenging Preconceptions • Concentration and Insight • Sharpening Perception through Investigation • Lightheartedness and Playfulness • An Investigative Awareness • If You Are Interested in Learning Mindfulness • • Mindfulness of the Breath • • Insight, or Vipassana, Practice • • Mindfulness of Sensations • • Thoughts and Mental Images • • Emotions • • Choiceless Awareness • • Mental Noting • • Mindfulness of Eating • • Mindful Walking
04. A Model of the Mind • An Optical Illusion of the Mind • A Risky Arrangement • Noticing What We’ve Tuned Out • Unlocking the Secret Compartment • How Repetition Creates Habit • The Mind’s Shortcuts • Learning Habits of the Heart • Detecting Hidden Patterns
Part II: Things as They Seem
05. Emotional Habit • Maladaptive Mind States • Maladaptive Responses • Mapping Destructive Habits • Core Conflicts • The Anatomy of a Core Conflict • The Common Maladaptive Habits • An Honest Look at Ourselves • Abandonment • Deprivation • Subjugation • Mistrust • Unlovability • If You Want to Become Move Aware of Your Schemas
06. Schemas in the Larger World • Exclusion • Vulnerability • Failure • Perfectionism • Entitlement • Schema Clusters • Schemas Are Recognizable • A Reflective Pause • The Can of Worms • If You Want to Know More about Your Own Schemas
07. How Schemas Work • Tunnel Vision • Absurd Mental Habits • A Poet’s Logic • The Anatomy of a Schema Attack • The Schema Warehouse • The Design Flaw • Schema Priming • Multiple Selves • So Now What Do I Do? • Four Noble Truths and Schemas
Part III: A Mindful Therapy
08. The Many Uses of Mindfulness • Moments of Mindfulness • A Mindful Radar • Sustained Mindfulness • Investigating Schemas • Wise Reflection • The Power of Practice • Mindfulness during Schema Attacks • Catching the Buildup • Subtle Understanding • Mindfulness of a Primed Schema • Mindful Schema Work • If You Want to Free Yourself from a Schema Reaction • • The Mindful Alchemy of Anger
09. Breaking the Chain • Breaking the Chain of Habit • Schema Triggers • The Crucial Choice • The Magic Quarter-Second • The Power Not to Act • The Mindful Shift • Short-Circuiting Habitual Reactions • Choosing Freedom • If You Want to Break the Chain of Habit
10. Changing Habits • The 84,000 Antidotes • Bringing Awareness to Habit • Intentional Change • Two Simple Steps • What Changes in Psychotherapy • Breaking Habits—and Changing Them • A Timely Reminder • Action Antidotes • Prescribing a Break in the Pattern • Catching the Subtle Signs • If You Want to Apply the Two Steps to Changing a Schema
11. Working with Emotions • Schema Avoidance • The Antidote • The Emotional Charge behind Schemas • Sorting It Out • Resisting Our Suffering • Using Wise Reflection • Connecting with Schema Origins • Our Innate Wisdom • Accessing Memories • Empathizing with the Schema • An Inner Dialogue • Releasing • Mindful Grieving • The Power of Opening Up • If You Want to Voice the Feelings Connected with a Schema
12. You Don’t Have to Believe Your Thoughts • Breaking the Spell • Empathic Reframing • What Troubles Us • Mindfulness of Thoughts • Challenge the Assumption • Helpful Comparisons • Counter-Thoughts • Not Believing Our Thoughts • Wrathful Compassion • Acknowledge What Is Valuable • Bringing Mindfulness to Depression • The Mindful Antidote • Stopping the Train • The Schema Inoculation • Stormy Thoughts • If You Want to Challenge and Change Your Schema Thoughts
13. Relationships • Schema Chemistry • When Things Can—and Can’t—Be Worked Out • The Schema Tango • Interpersonal Mindfulness • Dissecting a Schema Fight • Schema Play • Tough Love: Schema Work with Friends • Empathy for Your Partner • Schema Compassion • Breaking the Chain in Relationships • Reparative Relationships • If You Want to Apply Mindfulness with Your Partner
14. The Circle of Life • The Intergeneration Chain • Breaking the Chain with Parents • When Therapy Can Be Reparative • Clarifying Schemas with Parents • An Emotional Wet Suit • Inner Dialogue with a Parent’s Voice • Forgiveness: All In Good Time • Empathizing with a Parent’s Schema • Expressing Forgiveness • A Family Saga • If You Want to Work with Feelings about Your Childhood
15. Stages of Healing • An Organic Rate of Change • Last Gasps • Weakening the Hold • The Power of Letting Go • Feeling Freer • From Emotional to Spiritual Alchemy • The Integration • It’s the Same Work • Holding Both Perspectives • If You Want to Blend Your Spiritual Practice with Emotional Work
Part IV: Spiritual Alchemy
16. Perceptual Shifts • The Quantum Metaphor • A Gap in the Stream of Thought • A Shock Out of the Ordinary • Taming the Monkey Mind • Constructing Things as They Seem • Opening a Space in the Mind • Deconstructing the Self • No Self, No Problem • The Positive Uses of the Self
17. Investigating the Mind • The Seemingly Real and the Real • The Broken Cup • Subverting the Normal Order of Things • Things Exist as Verbs • A Bubble on the Water • From Relative to Ultimate Compassion • When Confusion Dawns as Wisdom • Clearing Away Confusion • The Thickest Clouds • A Subtle Investigation: The Three Poisons • If You Are Interested in Using Investigative Awareness as a Practice
18. Reframing Suffering • What Turns Us to the Spiritual Path • Transforming Adversity • A Glimpse of What’s Possible • Two Perspectives • Four Noble Truths • Inner Freedom • The Dissatisfied Mind • The Reality of the Relative • If You Want to Work with This Expanded Way of Seeing Things
19. May Confusion Dawn as Wisdom • A Mindful Investigation • The Compassionate Deity • Spiritual Alchemy • Two Paths in the Mind • Beyond the Spell of Habit • Harnessing Negative Emotions to Positive Ends • The Buddha Families • Utilizing Emotion • Self-Liberating Emotions • The Levels of Alchemy • Hearing the Truth • A Wise Love • Bearing Witness
Very interesting, and even useful in identifying distressing schemas and attempting to nip them in the bud as they try to take over. But no use at all when you suddenly wake up at two or three in the morning completely defenceless, as occurred last night. I recognise something - just something - of myself here:
"Very generous, you give affection without counting and desperately seek it in others, dependent on something you’ll never receive. Here, the more you sow the less you reap. Plagued by powerful emotions, often an extrovert, you don’t understand why the other doesn’t live up to your expectations after all you have done for him/her. You’re the knight in shining armour, or the crazy cat lady. You’ll do anything to fill in the affection, recognition and sometimes protection gap from your childhood. This drives you to do anything and everything for the other, to the point of totally forgetting yourself. Craving to be loved and recognized for your generosity at all costs, you’re totally dependent not only on your partner but also on others for their judgments and/or appreciation. Incapable of recognizing your own worth and qualities, you give everything for a bit of affection and recognition. With you, no previews! The other gets to see the whole movie, including free popcorn, drinks and candy."
В книгата Тара обяснява за схемите, които са закодирани в нас по един или друг начин, които владеят живота и емоциите ни. Позовавайки се на научни изследвания и будистки учения, тя ни учи на осъзнато чувстване. Как да осъзнаваме емоциите си, как да бъдем наблюдатели на собствените си реакции, на собствените ни емоционални предизвикателства. Всяка една емоция задейства наша схема, която се е създала при травмиращо наше преживяване. В книгата се говори как да успеем да се отделим от тази схема, за да не ни определя и да не контролира реакциите ни. Всичко това, чрез съзнаване за съществуването на схемата и припознаването ѝ, когато нещо я активира. Една от любимите ми книги, да не кажа и любимата. За първи път срещам книг��, която да задоволи психологическите ми и духовни нужди. За първи път и книга да ми послужи не само за теоретична основа, а и практически да ме води. От август (когато почнах да я чета) ми помогна за овладяването и наблюдаването на много мои емоции, които владеят мен през повечето време. Всеки път се убеждавам, че всяка книга ни намира в правилния момент. Бих я препоръчала на всеки и смятам, че всеки трябва да я прочете.
This book really helped me face some of my inner demons. Although hard to read because it makes you take a deep, intimate look inside yourself, I highly recommend this a therapeutic self-improvement tool!
I picked up this book because I was curious to learn more about basic emotional patterns and see how I could use these insights in tandem with my lessons in therapy. I finished this book feeling like I have a fundamentally better understanding of myself and an ability to more deeply empathize with others.
The lucid explanations along with the author’s many client examples constantly put me in reflective moods. By the end of each chapter, I felt like I was confronting the hard truths about who I am and why I might be that way. It’s weirdly therapeutic.
One of my favourite quotes: “[Changing an emotional pattern] is very different from mere intellectual understanding—it involves the emotional brain. It takes much persistent practice, cultivation of the ability to bring awareness to what had been unconscious behavior, and sustained effort to try out the new way of thinking and acting despite its initial awkwardness and relapses into old habit.”
Since I was targeted in what I wanted from this book, I did find Part I & IV a bit verbose. I found myself skimming past these sections. If you are interested in attachment theory and the conversations that Brene Brown has on shame, this might be up your alley of interests.
Probably the least interesting mindfulness book I've ever read. The first section glorifies mindfulness, even romanticizing it. She portrays meditation as intrinsically pleasurable, which is such a bad idea. While I suppose it might be for some people, a lot of people find it dreadfully boring and difficult, especially at first. When they read this book, they will compare what she says to their actual experience and wonder what they're doing wrong.
The first part, however, contains my favorite part of the book--the schemas. This book is about bringing mindfulness to schemas, and there's a couple chapters where she just spells them out. Schemas are basically patterns on neuroses that people tend to have. They're habits we picked up in our childhood to cope with pain. Reading about these was eerie, because some of them I've seen other people do, and some of them I do myself.
The second part is about relationships and reads like a Buddhist soap opera. It's very sappy, lovey-dovey, and dramatic. By this point, it became clear that women are the target audience. All of the examples are written with women as the protagonist, or about things that women tend to like a lot more than men. I don't mind this bias-- The Dance of Anger was explicitely for women, and it was a great book--I just wish she'd be upfront about it.
The last part reads like a dharma talk (the Buddhist equivalent of a sermon). It talks about a lot of Buddhist concepts, and I like how some of this was written, but it felt extremely repetitive.
I resist the moniker,self-help book, on this one. It's so much more. It's more a read to help one be introduced to their Self, instead.
Like any of these books, if it makes a deep impact, most likely it is because you happened across it just at the exact moment you desperately needed something. This is one of those.
I will say, it is not an easy read; you have to be ready for it. You have to really want to understand how your thoughts really do direct how you see yourself, the World, those around you, your life...but mostly it's about how your thoughts help you to learn to love or hate yourself.
You don't have to believe everything you think. That is one of the most remarkable concepts I took away from this book which is now heavily book marked, highlighted, and dog-eared.
كتاب أقرب ما يكون مشروع للتنمية العاطفيه ولترسيخ مبدأ واحد هو كيفيه النهوض بالذات وتطوريها للافضل وتحويل أصعب اللحظات وتحويل الآلام الى رؤيه ثاقبه نحو العاطفة المعطائة .. يشرح الأنماط العاطفيه الأساسيه وعلى غرارها يعالج حالات مختلفه من هذه الانماط .. يساعد هذا الكتاب في تحريرك من أنماط معينه كنت تعاني منها منذ الطفوله وعلى أثرها تظهر مخاوفك وردود افعالك السلبيه والغير ممنهجة للذات ولا للقلب ..
كتاب قيّم في التنميه الروحيه والبشرية نحو وعي كامل من أجل التغلب على عادات انهزاميه تربصت بنا منذ الصغر .. نتيجة الكتاب ، طرق جديده بحياتك تستخدمها بعد قرائتك للكتاب للتعامل مع العلاقات والعمل والحياة الشخصية .. ❤
I decided to read this book after reading a review that made me think that it was mostly science with some Buddhist concepts mixed in. After reading the first three chapters, I realized that was not the case. I kept reading and it went on and on, page after page of mindless, er, I mean mindful Buddhist drivel.
If you buy into Buddhism, you might like this book. If you prefer science, don't bother. If you are looking for the missing link between science and Buddhism, don't bother, this book is mostly about Buddhism.
Some interesting points about how people are affected by their childhood experiences, and how the problems with their adult behavior is directly resulted. Self awareness is important.
Vaka çalışmaları ve Daima Lama'nın dedikleri kitap boyunca tekrar tekrar tekrarlandı. Bu bireysel vakalar şema terapiyle açıklanıyor, örmekler Budist felsefenin bakış açısıyla destekleniyor. Gündelik duygusal sorunları farkındalıkla çözelim derken de, gene, yine ve yeniden nefese ve farkındalığa geliyoruz. Bu kadar uzun ve bu kadar tekrar ve bu kadar alıntı... Ses dinleme çalışması iyi bir hatırlatmaydı.
3.5 stars. There’s some really good material in here, but it’s just too disorganized. It feels incredibly long because it feels repetitive, disjointed, hard to follow? Some sections are just brilliant, and there are many areas worth underlining, but I can’t figure out how this is supposed to be organized or what kind of solid takeaways you might have after finally hitting page 396.
The most valuable areas were those that discussed schemas, and I have a feeling I’d rather read the book by the originator of those ideas, which she references in the back (Reinventing Your Life by Jeffrey Young).
Many Buddhist schools of thought are referenced, but not in enough detail for this to be a good read if that’s where your interest lies.
The closest thing there is to a theme is how mindfulness helps you see the source of reactions, which is already going to be understood by the people most likely to pick this book up. Did I learn things? Absolutely. But I would recommend other books depending on your specific area of interest.
Emotional Alchemy--how the mind can heal the heartby Tara Bennett-Goleman was an interesting accompaniment to Bread & Water, Wine & Oil by Archimandrite Webber.
Ms. Bennett-Goleman writes her self-help book from a psychological/Buddhist perspective and it was interesting for me to pick up some familiar eastern flavor while reading both books at once. Both talked about being present in the "now" as being of vital importance. According to eastern Christianity, God identifying Himself as "I AM" as opposed to "I Was" or "I Will Be" means that He is present in the present moment, and that, eternity, in fact, is really an "eternal now" and not an undefined future as we often imagine it to be.
This book centers around the concept of schemas. Schemas are powerful emotional states of mind brought on by primal fears from childhood such as fear of abandonment. These emotions trigger unconscious reactions that we use as coping mechanisms, even when they fail us in that regard.
Becoming mindful of our core schemas and allowing ourselves to feel the true emotions behind them, helps us to become more aware of our motivations and therefore more functional as people in our everyday lives.
Becoming more mindful in general is a way to live more in the present, where we have some control over our own emotions and lives, and, where eastern Christianity says, is the only place where God truly exists.
The book has exercises and suggestions at the end of each chapter to help you practice mindfulness. I found the explanation of specific schemas to be quite helpful in illustrating the unseen motivation behind seemingly extreme reactions to everyday situations.
This book is my Bible. I would say it is my #1 favourite book in print, and the one I would take to a desert island if I could have no others. Nothing I have ever read has changed my life so much. In the past three years, I have read it multiple times in print, plus I have an e-book full of highlights and notes on my iPad, and an audiobook on my iTunes that I listen to so frequently, that there are sections I practically have committed to memory. Tara Bennett-Goleman merges Schema Therapy and Buddhist psychology, with profound insight that has transformed my view of myself and the world. I never fully grasped the concept of "there is no self" in Buddhism, until I read this book and realized that what I call "I" is both a neurological and psychological aggregate, composed of many parts. I am no longer baffled by contradictions in other people, and I have access to tools of understanding myself on levels I never knew existed. I think the topics in this book should be developed into a curriculum for school and taught at every level from early childhood to adulthood... we would all understand ourselves and one another a lot better, conflict would be greatly reduced and the world would be a better place.
This book changed my life! Tara is brilliant. She writes little short stories with core issues creatively woven into them. Then, the best part is after each short story she says if this resonated with you, here is what you can do!!! Finally, a book with a solution and excersice!!!! Thank you Tara, Bravissima! Within the cover of this book I found all my core emotional issues and saw my own wounds and baggage. I was really happy to identify them and more excited to find a way to let them go and heal myself into a more joyful life! This could save you thousands of dollars of therapy! LOL! I have spent that and this book did more than all my years of therapy. That said, I do think that it would be most helpful to read this book and then find a good therapist, preferably one that is familiar with EMDR and work through the issues you identify in Emotional Alchemy. Be courageous....you will also have a lot of insight into your family and friends issues/wounds and understand their behavior much better! It is so freeing and transformational.
I enjoyed this book and its discussions on maladaptive schemas and the integration of mindfulness principles in catching and choosing different responses once our schema(s) have been triggered. I chose this book because it was referenced in Jon Kabat Zinn's Full Catastrophe Living. I am making my way through the books he referenced, and this was the first one on my list. I was intrigued that Goleman is married to Daniel Goleman (the person who identified and studied Emotional Intelligence and wrote a groundbreaking book about it years ago). I wish she spent more pages discussing the spiritual aspect and the alchemy, which only got the last chapter of the book, however I did enjoy the empowerment resulting from the revelation that we can choose different responses even when triggered to embark on these emotionally habitual patterns of behavior.
(3.5/5) The book is good, it has a detailed explanation about some behavior patterns and how to deal with emotions, it offers interesting and good alternatives. However, I think that sometimes she turns the same ideas around and the book could have lasted half as long. I like the information she gives about Buddhism and non-remain at the end. I think it's a very real thing.
the topic seemed very interesting as i´m a psychotherapist and a buddhist aswell. actually she repeats over and over the same things again, which seems quite tiring. nothing new for my part, but perhaps people who haven´t read about this topic before could be interested.
كتاب جميل لفهم الأبعاد النفسيه للإنسان ولسبر أغوار هذا العضو العجيب، ألا وهو العقل، فيه تحليل نفسي منطقي لردود الفعل الإنسانية، ولكن طريقة الطرح تتسمةبالتعقيد، فكنت أجهد عقلي بالتركيز لفهم مقصد الكاتبه والشعور به، استفدت من قراءته على الصعيد الشخصي، لكني أفضل أن أقرأ كتابا آخر أبسط في شرح الفكرة.
He obviado la parte budista pero el resto es teoría interesante. La aplicación depende del control emocional de cada uno, supongo. El mío es nulo por mucho que lea. Por cierto, la traducción al español es bastante mala aunque el ojo se acabe acostumbrando.