I really, really liked this book! A.J. Jacobs is now one of my favorite guys. He writes for Esquire magazine. I don't even know for sure what that magazine is about (I think it's a men's magazine), but it makes me want to read it anyways.
So, when he's not writing for Esquire, he writes books. This is one of them. It's about his quest to live all the laws of the bible the best he can, for a full year. Not just things like "Love thy neighbor", but also the stranger laws- blow a horn at the start of each month, get a slave, or learn to play a 10 stringed harp. It was super funny, but also very sincere. He really was trying to examine religion, as he had generations of Jewish blood in his veins. But he didn't pick and choose stuff. He did everything. He even threw little pebbles at people he saw breaking the Sabbath, because the bible says they have to be stoned.
When I started this book, I thought a lot of the things he had decided to do for the sake of religion sounded ridiculous. Like, not touch his wife when she menstruates. Or, make sure that none of his clothes have mixed fibers in them. But then I got to the part where he decided to tithe ten percent of his income that year, like the bible directs. I thought, "Whoa! That's crazy talk. He's going to just give away a tenth of his income?!" Then I went, "Wait. Rewind. I'm Mormon! I pay 10% tithing. GASP." I totally had forgotten I did the same thing.
Then I was thinking about other things that are normal to me, that would seem very strange to an outsider:
1. Garments. I wear garments instead of normal underwear. When I was a kid, I thought garments were just to keep people modest, so that they wouldn't go around wearing skimpy shorts and belly shirts. As I looked around at all the old wrinkly people in my ward, it seemed like a pretty darn good idea. It was strange to learn as I got older that there was more to it than that. Praise the Lord anyways for keeping my parents from wearing tube tops.
2. Full time missionaries. Two years away from home, paying your own way, not getting paid, just walking around proselytizing about your particular brand of religion? In the book, the author invites a Jehovah's Witness over to discuss the bible. He's way into it, but after 3 1/2 hours the Jehovah's Witness is like, "Uh, sir... I probably should let you get to bed." The author insists he's really enjoying the conversation. "No, really. You need to go to bed" he's told. I thought, "Poor guy, because proselyting is part of his religion, he got stuck away from his family for a whole evening with some guy not even interested in joining his church. Then it hit me - three hours? We go for TWO YEARS. And I wanted to go as a missionary too, real bad. I am so odd.
3. Temple marriages. Nobody can come see you get married unless they have a temple recommend. You don't get to walk down the aisle with a bouquet in hand. While the temple is pretty, you have to share the front of it with 20 other brides getting married the same day for pictures. Can you even imagine any other bride being fine with having to share her dressing room with 5 other brides at the same time, as well as lots of old ladies there doing temple work that day? Funny how odd and even mean it sounds to do to a girl when you look at it that way.
4. Our lay ministry. Oh my heck! I have too many callings. Plus visiting teaching on top of that. And ward choir, where I play the part of the soprano who (occasionally) sings in key. I have no idea what non-Mormons do with all their time. Probably get drunk.
5. No drinking! Lots of people drink, I've been noticing as a grown up. I fail to see the appeal. Okay, that's not totally true, sometimes it sounds fun. Good thing I have an iron will, except when it come to brownies. If the church ever outlawed brownies, I would be excommunicated in a snap.
6. Ha, ha. The author decided to try the whole celibacy thing for a few weeks. (Coincidentally, it was while his wife was 8 months pregnant with twins and said he couldn't touch her anyways, so I'm not sure it really counts.) He talked about the idea of celibacy being the best way to live, and marriage the second best (according to one interpretation of Paul's teachings) as a way to funnel your passions. I actually thought, "Well, good thing he didn't try to do the year of living biblically when he was single, or that would have meant NO SEX whatsover, for the whole year! That would have sucked." Then I thought for another second and realized, "Wait a minute! I DID that, and for YEARS. And yeah, it did suck!" (Oh, also - my husband was deployed for a year and a half. So how come I wasn't all spiritually enlightened the whole time? I think I deserved a vision or something.)
The only bummer was that he didn't talk about Mormons much, or ever meet with one. I wanted to hear what he would say! He did say once that he was starting to think structure is good, like Mormon missionaries, and another time I was scanning a page and saw the word "oxymoron" and thought the "moron" part of the word said "mormon" and got excited over nothing.
Not only did he do all the strange biblical laws, he also tried to go a year without gossiping, swearing, backbiting, having lustful thoughts, lying, etc, etc... I decided to try for one day while reading this book. I failed by 9 AM, when I went on a walk with my neighbor and spend an hour venting about a teenage girl in the ward who was driving me crazy. Then I had lustful thoughts while watching some olympic athletes. Then I lied to a someone who called that I just didn't want to talk to for very long. I told her I was going visiting teaching and had to hang up. And that night, my sweet neighbor girl came over and asked for a donation for her marching band fundraiser. At first, I was all greedy and thought about how I didn't want to give her anything. Then I looked at the sign up list and saw that the other neighbor's had been giving her between $15 and $25 each. So I gave $20, because I was too prideful to be the cheapest one, not because I really cared about the marching band. Crap! I suck at living biblically.
This was one of the funnest books I have read in forever. I highly recommend it. I hope A.J. sends me some royalties.
PS. Now that I just finished my biblical book, I am going to go and do something un-biblical. I think I'm going to go steal. Technically, it will be borrowing without permission, because I plan to give back what I take. I'm going to sneak a book out of the library. Let me tell you why. I returned a book over a month ago, and they called me last Friday to tell me they were charging me $24.99 (the price of the book), because there was a crayon mark on ONE page of the book. I was the first to ever check it out, so the policy is, any damage whatsoever is punished by purchasing the book.
I was real mad. I wrote an angry letter to the editor of our local paper blasting the Lehi library for ripping me off. But that night, I went in person to view the "damage" on the book and talked to a real nice lady who promised to take it to the library board for me, and ask them to reduce or remove the fine from my account. The problem now is that my library card is locked until that board meeting, or until I pay the $25 fine. The board meeting isn't for another month. So, I think I'm going to borrow a book, although I can't technically check it out. (Like I can go a month without a new book!)
I know for a fact that the fancy security things at the front door that are supposed to scare you from stealing books are fake. I have had un-checked out books in my hand dozens of times when Benjamin has made a run for an open door. I guess he thinks he'll wait for me in the parking lot while I check out my books. I always run after him, right through those security things, with my un-checked out books in hand. It's not like they ever sound an alarm or anything. So, unless they are scanning my retinas to attain my identity, they will have no idea I borrowed a book.
I think it's the library's fault for their stupid rule.
Oh, yeah. The local paper called me today to verify it was me that wrote my letter to the editor, because they were going to publish it.
Such good news/bad news. Yeah! that they wanted to publish my letter, and bleh! that I had to tell them to forget it, because I don't want an angry letter from me in the paper to taint my chances with the library board getting the fine waived.
PPS. Since my sister read this book, and she is under the impression that every good book I find was recommended to me by her, I'll tell the true story of how I stumbled across this book:
One the radio one day, Glenn Beck was talking about a book called "Just Do It". In it, a wife gives her husband the best birthday present she can think of: she says she will have sex with him 100 days straight. It's a book about their humorous journey. Apparently he gets sick or flies out of town on business, but she insists that they find a way to do it anyways. He's ready to throw in the towel, but she is competitive and unrelenting.
I went and looked online to see when they book was going to be released. There were some pre-release reviews about it. In one review, the author said something like, "It has a funny premise, but it's no A.J. Jacob's book." So I looked up A.J. Jacobs. And I found this book. See, totally not related to my sister at all. It was a book about sex that lead me to this biblical book, actually.