What I Know Now: Letters to My Younger Self

by Ellyn Spragins (Editor)

If you could send a letter back through time to your younger self, what would the letter say?

In this moving collection, forty-one famous women write letters to the women they once were, filled with advice and insights they wish they had had when they were younger.

Today show correspondent Ann Curry writes to herself as a rookie reporter in her first job, telling herself not to change so much to fit in, urging her young self, "It is time to be bold about who you really are." Country music superstar Lee Ann Womack reflects on the stressed-out year spent recording her first album and encourages her younger self to enjoy the moment, not just the end result. "Your hair matters far, far less than you think," is the wry advice that begins the letter bestselling mystery writer Lisa Scottoline pens to her twenty-year old self. And Maya Angelou, leaving home at seventeen with a newborn baby in her arms, assures herself she will succeed on her own, even if she does return home every now and then.

These remarkable women are joined by Madeleine Albright, Queen Noor of Jordan, Cokie Roberts, Naomi Wolf, Eileen Fisher, Jane Kaczmarek, Olympia Dukakis, Macy Gray, and many others. Their letters contain rare glimpses into the personal lives of extraordinary women and powerful wisdom that readers will treasure.

Wisdom from What I Know Now

"Don't let anybody raise you. You've been raised." -Maya Angelou

"Try more things. Cross more lines." -Breena Clarke

"Learn how to celebrate." -Olympia Dukakis

"You don't have to be afraid of living alone." -Eileen Fisher

"Please yourself first...everything else follows." -Macy Gray

"Don't be so quick to dismiss another human being." -Barbara Boxer

"Work should not be work." -Mary Matalin

"You can leave the work world--and come back on your own terms." -Cokie Roberts

"Laundry will wait very patiently." -Nora Roberts

"Your hair matters far, far less than you think" -Lisa Scottoline

"Speak the truth but ride a fast horse." -Kitty Kelley

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Self Help, Essays, Biography, Banned Books, Personal Development

208 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2006

Reviews

[Elyse Walters · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you *Cecily* ....
She reminded me of a small lovely hardcopy - ( a gift from a friend) - that I’ve owned over 10 years.
I’ve read it - and re-read parts of it - many times - over the years.

In this collection, 41 famous women wrote letters to the women they once were.... ( a few pages written from each), filled with advice and insights they wish they had been when they were younger.

The question asked was:
“If you could send a letter back in time to your younger self, what would the letters say?

My letter might change - a little each year.
I’m certainly not the same today at 68 as I was when I first read this in my 50’s.

My aunt ( Paul’s aunt really... but she’s my ‘Auntie Jeannie’, too).....
who ( in my world)... is the greatest living 89 year old woman on the planet:
Besides, Paul, she has been one of the greatest gifts of my life.....
I know what Aunt Jeanie what would write about: Kindness!
“Be more kind”.

This is a sweet little book. Not every letter is ‘wow-we-explosive’...
but who cares, it’s the inquiry within ourselves where this book inspires.

A few contributors were:
Maya Angelou, Barbara Boxer, Eileen Fisher, Olympus Dukakis, Breena Clark, Macy Gray, Mary Matatin, etc.

[Jenny · Rating 3 out of 5]

I agree with many that the letters are not super profound for the most part. Many are sort of boring and self-indulgent. I remember being very moved by the woman who could not get pregnant and adopted children. One thing that I thought was interesting was that many of the women wanted to tell themselves how to get through a harder time quicker when in reality it seems as if the long struggle made them who they are today. Also, due to the current wealth of many of the women I felt that their advice was good in theory and less so in practice. For example, many go on about staying home with family and children instead of working being the best choice they made when in reality many people don't have that as an option. Quite easy to follow your passion when you're an heiress . . .

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Catching Up…

What if you could know things when you were younger? Would you change things?

Several famous people got to write to themselves and offer some very telling advice to their younger selves.

And…

This is a product of those musings.

It is…

Truly fascinating to read this moving collection of these 41 famous women and their advice and insights about what they might have done differently.

As an example…

Ann Curry, who at the time was a Today show correspondent, tells herself not to change so much to fit in, urging her young self…

“…it is time to be bold about who you really are.”

Or…

Maya Angelou when she shared…

“Don’t let anybody raise you. You’ve been raised.”

And…

Senator Barbara Boxer who said…

“Don’t be so quick to dismiss another human being.”

Or…

American Political Assistant Mary Matalin when she stated…

“Work should not be work.”

These letters of these remarkable women show rare glimpses into their personal, yet extraordinary lives, that readers will come to admire.

So…

If you could send a letter back through time to your younger self, what would your letter say?

[Margaret · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very inspiring!!!

I really enjoyed this book. The description reads "Extraordinary Women Share the Wisdom They Wish They'd Had When They Were Younger." The amazing part is that although the women are amazing...the struggles they face are ordinary- just the same as I and others face. So, I really enjoyed reading their perspective and advice to themselves.

Here is a portion from Cokie Roberts letter to herself when she was a young mother:
"Dear Cokie, ...Being the mother of two tiny kids frazzles you because the utterly banal is, somehow, profoundly important. Nothing could be more mindless than wiping noses and pouring apple juice...For so much to hinge on so little is brain-numbing....Your kids, like all kids, are a pain in the neck sometimes...Instead of childish misbehavior, their transgressions seems like terrible reflections of you as a mother...There will be compensation! Your children will grow up to be charming and caring people-who produce adorable grandchildren...Your willful son will someday hae an extremely willful daughter...And guess who will have the patience for all of that and more? You. Hang in there. Love, Cokie"

I really enjoyed their insights and found it all quite inspiring!

[Karina Abou-Chakra · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have no idea where I got this book, nor did I know Hallmark had books published for them? But I keep the titles of all my unread books written on slips of paper in a jar and drew this one in January.

I love the practice of writing letters to your past or future self and it felt incredibly intimate reading ~45 women’s letters to their past selves. Each letter had something I could either relate to now or tucked away for the future (like during parenthood).

Were they groundbreaking messages? Not really. But that made it comforting. Even the most powerful women grapple with the same experiences of womanhood and it was nice to feel a strong, surprising connection with them.

I especially loved each message that encouraged their younger selves to trust their intuition:’)

[Cheryl · Rating 3 out of 5]

An interesting glimpse into the lives of well-known women and a reminder that what we go through in our own lives is not so unique after all. Most of the advice is stuff we've all heard before, but it is also stuff that bears repeating frequently.

[Erica · Rating 3 out of 5]

Kind of a disappointment...partially my fault though. I had this on my PBS wishlist for quite awhile so I was happy for it to finally arrive a couple of days ago. It wasn't what I expected (I thought it was memoir...couldn't see the tiny print that listed the contributors in the thumbnail!) but I figured it would still be interesting. There are a lot of admirable women who have done some extraordinary things. I found that by the end of the book though, I liked most of them a lot less. The book just felt like a collection of self-congratulatory letters. We know they all eventually overcome obstacles to achieve their successes but to write "Monday morning quarterback" letters to encourage themselves to persevere just feels disingenuous and forced (to me.)

I think a collection of letters from regular, ordinary people who have achieved success at a more attainable level would have been more interesting.

[Jen · Rating 2 out of 5]

oh no! apparently what I wrote as a review didn't come through...thanks Kelly for pointing it out.

Anyway, I thought there would be more depth to this, but it really *is* just a series of letters written to a woman's younger self. Reading Vana White's letter telling herself it'd be a bad idea to get photographs taken in transparent underwear wasn't a piece of advice I could use...nor wanted to know. I think this was a missed opportunity to show that hindsight can lead to wisdom, not just regrets.

Plus, for a book that is only a few years old, the people chosen seemed dated. (the Shaggy Chic lady, Heather Mills McCartney, Picabo Street, etc).

[Janelle Hawkes · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this among my mom's books and just chalked it up to being one of her many self help books on the shelf. But I kept it, and somehow it made its way into the large pile I keep by my bed of things I need to read, and then eventually into reading rotation.

The letters are short, and some are un-relatable, but there were nuggets that were like hearing my mother in my head. Having lost her a few years ago (I assume not everyone that may read this out there knows my story, though does anyone who's not a connected friend read the reviews?), I look for her messages everywhere.

I'm going to include the best quotes below (and there are many), but one thing I want to point out that makes me know God sent this book into my life for a reason - Trisha Yearwood closes this out with her letter to herself before one of her doomed-to-fail marriages (pre-Garth of course). And her description mentions how September 11th changed her outlook. And she went to Belmont. I finished this book on September 11th, went to Belmont, and music is my life. Sometimes you do have to believe, just a little, in fate.

-----

"Don't let anybody raise you. You've been raised." - Maya Angelou

"Mediocrity is a superficial effort - what happens when a project is done without passion." - Rachel Ashwell

"...you have to understand that the next person may hold their beliefs with the same amount of passion that you have. ... It's easier to be judgmental. It's less work to see everything in black and white. But every single person is as important as you are and has a story to tell, just like you do." - Barbara Boxer

"Cross some lines. Learning to swim won't stop you from reading Shakespeare. Finding your voice won't stop you from writing novels. You should be cooking on all four burners." - Breena Clarke

"When it's all about where your heart is, that attracts a lot of energy. Everything else follows. ... There's nothing better than complete purity. Being completely raw always works." - Macy Gray

"True success means being a whole person, someone with balance and compassion." - Jane Kaczmarek

"The universe is like a pension plan. It will match your investment. If you put 10 percent of your potential in, it will work that 10 percent and you will be operating at 20 percent of your possibilities. But if you put in 100 percent, the global collective will kick n and give you an additional 100 percent back on your return. It's the best investment plan I know - being proactive about your life." - Camryn Manheim

"Work should not be work. You should love your job. When you are looking for work, don't overdo the career counseling. A career path plan can become a career-crippling pathology. ... Your compass is not set to conventional methods and measurements, such as setting long-term goals, advancing methodically through promotions, raises, and titles. You are high-strung, easily bored, hyperenergized. You have a short but deep attention span. ...characteristics that suit fast-paced and intense projects. You may flit from project to project, but a lifetime of fun and interesting projects adds up to a career just as sound as the plodding ones you read about. ... There is also no career "clock." Move along at your own pace. ... Just because you haven't done something doesn't mean you can't. ... A fancy pedigree, or even innate genius, is no substitute for the work ethic and common sense you have. ... It means pay attention to low grade dissatisfaction before it turns into a potential self-destruction. ... Your instincts are early indicators of both good and bad. ... Trust yourself, believe in yourself, and hang in there for the ride." - Mary Matalin

"Stop being their savior and be your own." - Heather Mills McCartney

"You only know what you know of life at any given point. You can't beat yourself up for what you should have done if you weren't equipped with the knowledge at that time." - Shelley Morrison

"Grace is always present and grace stands to shelter and guide and protect us. There comes a time in life when you really must become conscious of that presence and you must consciously turn your face to it. Otherwise, you're just walking blindly through life." - Phylicia Rashad

"When juggling as much as you are, remember that some balls are glass and some are rubber. You can't drop the glass balls." - Nora Roberts

"Stop. It. Now. You're not an imposter. You're the genuine article. You have the brainpower. You have the ability. You don't have to work so hard and worry so much. You're going to do just fine. You deserve a place at the table." Joyce Roche

"Here are the ten things you need to know:
1. Your hair matters far, far less than you think.
2. In fact, the way you look matters far less than you think.
3. "Can I ask a dumb question?" is never a good thing to say.
4. In fact, asking permission to speak is never a good idea at all.
5. While we're on the subject, don't speak too fast because you're afraid of wasting your listener's time. Listening to what you have to say is the highest and best use of anyone's time. Even if your hair looks terrible.
6. And don't edit what you say before you say it. That would be you, getting int he way of truth, and, worse, of your heart.
7. You are already working approximately 25 percent harder than you have to to get the results you want. Chillax.
8. Don't have out with anyone who doesn't understand why you're so wonderful, or who needs to be told, or who doesn't tell you at regular intervals or when you forget.
9. The little voice you keep ignoring is the only one you should ever listen to.
10. Love."
- Lisa Scottoline

"There is a beautiful saying about adopted children, whihc is that they don't come from your stomach, they come from your heart." - Wendy Walker Whitworth

[Kaitlyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

absolutely loved this book. it taught me so much. it was given as a gift by a teacher when i was struggling and it was so supportive and the book taught me so much. i recommend to anyone young or old it will teach u so much

[Emily · Rating 2 out of 5]

not anything life changing but i enjoyed it

[Kara · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was given to me as a gift by a very good friend. I can see why she gave it to me. There's a fierce independence underlying these letters, and I love the concept. That said, I found the whole thing kind of self-indulgent...which I guess is what you'd expect when you ask people to write letters to their younger selves to be published. It's just that a lot of the letters FELT like they were written for other people to read, not their younger selves. I ended up skimming a lot of them.

The most enjoyable part of the book were the bios that preceded each letter. I loved learning a bit more about all of these women.

[Jenny · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such an interesting idea to write a letter to our younger self. I think almost every letter I read had a nugget of wisdom that caused reflection. A few of my favorites were: 1)You only know what you know of life at any given point. 2)Protest against the rising tide of conformity. 3)try more things, cross more lines, you should be cooking on all four burners. 4)The universe is like a pension plan, it will match your investment. 5)Sometimes nothing is better than just anything. And many more....

[Chaitanya Sethi · Rating 2 out of 5]

"What I Know Now" is a collection of letters from prominent women, addressed to their younger selves at different stages of their lives. The letters cover, among other things, topics like - professional success, imposter syndrome, motherhood, personal tragedies and failures, dating advice, financial advice et al.

While the concept in itself was intriguing, I found the letters somewhat lacking. All the letters are very short. Barely a page and a half. Thus, despite the intention, they come across as generic and template-y. Unless one has been through the same specific situation as mentioned in the letter, it is hard to relate to it, given the short length. Further, there are many overlapping themes in the different letters, which isn't a criticism as such, but it does read as repetitive. Thus, despite boasting of 30+ letters from brilliant women, I doubt I will take away much except a nugget or two from a letter here and there.

If you're travelling and want a light read, then I would recommend it. Otherwise, you may skip it.

[Khyati Thakur · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely loved this book. When I took it up, I didn't realize it will be so interesting and insightful. And all through the book I was wondering what kind of letter would I write to my younger self, and what age would I even choose.

This book inspires you and encourages you by giving you a wonderful sneak peek into the thought process of these 41 successful women when they were struggling with their lives, just like you and me.

A must read for everyone.

[Josephine Burks · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was more 3.5 stars. I’m hoping there’ll be another book with more women and letters to their younger selves. I guess it’s hard to write a letter to your younger self, I think if I had to write one I’d probably lecture myself about drinking too much my first year of university and leaving assignments and reports to the last minute lol not very profound advice.

[Shari · Rating 3 out of 5]

My favorite letters to their younger selves were from Jane Bryant Quinn on raising her teenage sons and from Beverly Sills on her relationship with her father. A few too many celebrities but a very good collection of thoughtful reflections.

[Bil Halim · Rating 3 out of 5]

No new insight, no profound effects but i learnt that small things to us might mean a world to somebody else. :)

[Joy · Rating 3 out of 5]

A nice idea, but the execution didn’t resonate much with me. I wasn’t familiar with a lot of these authors and I didn’t find their letters to be particularly compelling in any special way.

[CiCi Balcells · Rating 4 out of 5]

I bought this book for about a dollar and read a little bit every morning to start my day for about two years. I love reading about other people’s stories and I thought the advice these women shared was very grounding and a reminder that even though we might all be on different walks of life, we often share all the same ordinary struggles. I enjoyed this book, especially the pictures!

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Letters from successful women to younger versions of themselves reminding them what really matters. A beautiful book for women of all ages, especially those who may need a pick-me-up.

[Christine · Rating 2 out of 5]

Successful women were asked to write a letter to the younger selves with the knowledge they currently held. It was interesting to see what the women wrote but none is particularly profound or insightful (perhaps in part because they are very short). Some focused on a particular incident or time in her life, some dealt with work, some personal, some balancing. Below are the ones that resonated the most for me — good reminders, but nothing earth shattering.

Madeline Albright-There is no formula, everybody must choose his/her own path.

Maya Angelou-you know right from wrong.... Remember, you can always come home.

Barbara Boxer- don’t jump to the conclusion that another person just doesn’t get it or isn’t wise enough just because he (? Some feminist!) doesn’t agree with you.
Signed Senator Boxer (the only one who didn’t sign with her first name)

Today news correspondent Ann Curry-you should understand that being different is fantastic. In fact, rejoice in all those things that make you different.

Olympia Dukakis-I hesitate to say all this because you labor so relentlessly and you’re trying so hard. But you need to learn how to celebrate-not just to suffer. How, in the midst of all this turmoil, can you possibly find a way to feel good about what’s happening?
One way is to realize that being strong doesn’t require that you deny yourself pleasures. You don’t have to “earn” them by toiling harder than every other workhorse. Learn that you can be responsible for your children and enjoy them at the same time. Talk to them about what’s happening and, even more important, listen to what they say.
What could also ease your stress is a different way of thinking about how we travel through this world. There’s no ladder to success. The rhythm of life runs in cycles. There are times in the darkness and times in the light.... you must embrace these changes. As difficult as they are, they will pass. But you mustn’t bury or deny the darkness. You gotta live through it; you can’t cheat.... Have patience. Your most important struggles will be hard fought but won well.

Queen Noor-you’re not alone. You also don’t have to be perfect.

Mary Matalin- just because you haven’t done something doesn’t mean you can’t.

Carlson company CEO Marilyn Carlson Nelson (who stays home after 4th kid)-in the end, you weren’t really dreaming about titles or positions or even about being a wife or a mother. Rather, you were dreaming about living the life that would complete you - One of purpose and passion and always with the intention to make a difference.

Author Jane Quinn-your sense of responsibility for the kids will ebb as you see them become responsible for themselves. You’re doing your best as a parent. In the future, you and your boys will talk about these years and laugh at least most of the time. You’ll do some things wrong – worry too much, try too hard to control events, miss a couple of important issues that you’ll wish you’d seen.

As it will turn out, you’ll raise happy, reliable men of good conscience and good character. Whew. Their way won’t be your way, but that shouldn’t surprise you. Once they grow up and you relax, the family will come together again. Believe it or not, eventually the kids are going to feel responsible for you.

Cookie Roberts wrote to herself as a young mother— being the mother of two tiny kids frazzles you because the utterly banal is, somehow, profoundly important. Nothing could be more mindless than wiping noses and pouring apple juice – yet you know there’s no bigger job. For so much to hinge on so little is brain-numbing. Worse, you were never any good at home making arts.

As a mother, you’re shocked at your capacity for anger with your children. Instead of childish misbehavior, their transgressions seem like terrible reflections on you as a mother. Here’s my advice about the anger, chaos and isolation. Understand that this won’t last forever. Don’t feel oppressed by it. These are very short years in the scheme of life and you will live through them.

There will be compensation! Your children will grow up to be charming and caring people who will produce adorable grandchildren [who will have the traits you found challenging in them as kids].

Nora Roberts
You’re actually doing a pretty good job. Some days you don’t do so well, I admit, but other days you do. The next time you start to torture yourself about what kind of mother you are, think of this [cute story]. One more thing. Pressed from all corners, you often think if I could just have eight hours of quiet. You will have that someday, but you won’t have those little guys you have now and you’ll miss them.

Lisa Scottoline - Don’t hang out with anyone who doesn’t understand why you’re so wonderful, or who needs to be told, or who doesn’t tell you at regular intervals or when you forget.

Liz Smith-Instead of saying it can’t be done, you must become part of the solution. You may feel that you’ll never achieve what these powerful bosses have, but you may be taken aback at what happens when you begin to make your bosses’ problems your own problems to solve. Give it all you’ve got. Drop the envy and secret malice.

Lee Ann Womack-enjoy the moment, not the end result.... notice some of the beauty around you. Partake in joy. And when you get the choice to watch on the sidelines or to dance, get out there and dance.

Singer/songwriter Trisha Yearwood-Don’t be so worried about what everybody else thinks of you, and don’t think your happiness depend on someone else. Just trust yourself. Trust that if you take care of yourself on the inside, follow your instincts, and let yourself evolve naturally, your potential for happiness will be so much greater.... know that God has a plan for your life. Turn your life over to him every day. Stop looking outside yourself for validation and approval – you’re letting other people define your happiness. Instead of trying so hard to manipulate life, take care of yourself on the inside. Then all those other attributes you’re so desperately seeking will find you naturally.

There were others that are not included as they did not resonate with me. Author Kitty Kelley deserves a shout out for being particularly self serving.

[Crystal Velasquez · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was interesting in that it makes you ask yourself what you would tell your younger self at some critical time in your life. What knowledge do you have now that you wish you had then? What's interesting is most often the advice was not anything concrete like, "Don't marry that guy," or "Go ahead and move to California." It was more like, stop wasting so much time trying to please other people. Take the time to enjoy your success. Or for some of the women who lost loved ones too soon--spend as much time as you can with them now because you may not have them much longer. And since the letters were written by the likes of Phylicia Rashad, Madeleine Albright, Vanna White, and Maya Angelou (to name a few) it was interesting to see which point in their younger lives they chose to focus on and what advice they felt that younger self really needed. It's a quick read. I'd recommend it.

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was quite hoping to be one of the many 'younger selves' in this book. The book itself was a great read; you 'meet' so many people you have heard of before, and other not-so in the newspapers everday people. It was an inspirational read on a slightly deeper level for me, however I failed to identify with anyone person included in the book. I was hoping to find out I was like a young Cokie Roberts or Maya Angelou, that we have the same potential, and that their words might help guide me. But, I'm not pushing the boundaries of what is possible for females, or leaving Big Mama's house with my baby on my back. I did learn little things here and there, hopefully I can be a bolder 'me' and in the process figure out more more defined manner, who is this 'me?'

[Jfrlewis · Rating 1 out of 5]

The good news is that this book only takes about an hour to read. The bad news is that I spent an hour reading this book. I liked the idea of the book, but it just did not have much substance. Given the chance, I'd rate it at 1.5 stars.

The letters all had similar tones and read like a high school commencement address. "Be true to yourself." "The best is yet to come." "Be kind to others and do not judge too quickly."

The paragraphs introducing each woman were somewhat interesting. However, they were poorly written. The run-on sentences were textbook samples of how not to structure a sentence.

[Jen (bookscoffeedogs) · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this little simple book filled with so many wise words from so many wise women. I think Cokie Roberts was my favorite, her words on motherhood. And then maybe Barbara Boxer, and her words about how she needed to be more open to other peoples opinions. lol. I could use a bit of that myself! I would recommend this to anyone needing to know that they aren't alone with their own worries and insecurities. That so many seemingly perfectly wise, strong, inspirational women have gone through a lot and have some words to share which may just make you pause and think of yourself!

[Paula · Rating 5 out of 5]

Words cannot describe how I felt after reading this book. My good friend Allison gave this to me and I read it coming home on the plane. I experienced laughter, tears and an awareness that I need time to reflect on how far I have come and be grateful for what I have now - which is way more than what I had back when I was 23.

[Christy · Rating 1 out of 5]

I like the idea, but I wish that the letters would have been longer and more involved. I would have been more interested in reading similar letters written by real, average women instead of Successful Women We're Supposed To Emulate. It seemed like it was written for suburban soccer moms in need of ~*inspiration*~.

[Sally · Rating 5 out of 5]

My lovely friend, Cathy, and I went to see her and were lucky enough to buy signed copies of both of her books. Three brave women wrote and read letters to themselves. Wonderful, reassuring, hopeful reading.

[Kami · Rating 3 out of 5]

A little sappy and overly sentimental at times, but for the most part it was a sweet and endearing book. Great concept.