Saturation: A Memoir

by Jennifer Place

The psychological experience of withdrawal the morning after years of drinking four bottles of wine a day, every day, evokes the image of my mind being stretched and warped over an Event Horizon as it's about to be sucked down and through a Black Hole. My withdrawals/delirium tremens (DTs) were terrifying and excruciating.My story takes the reader through my experiences of late stage alcoholism, two arrests by my new husband of three months and my subsequent adventures through and between five inpatient treatment centers for alcohol abuse.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir

480 pages, Kindle Edition

First published March 17, 2011

About the author

Hello,

I was once an active, late-stage alcoholic. I am now in recovery and free from addiction. You can find my memoir, which chronicles my journey into recovery, on Amazon. It is titled Saturation, A Memoir.

Reviews

[Jennifer Place]

I wrote it.

:)

[Kathleen Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing

Jennifer thank you for sharing your story so candidly; it was hard to put the book down! I am an ICU RN and have helped many alcoholics detox and my heart breaks for them; I can only imagine there suffering of being tethered to such a demon. Congratulations on your sobriety and sharing your journey with us!

[Laura Copley · Rating 2 out of 5]

I hope this particular alcoholic with too many relapses to count continues on the right path. Her story was honest but my least favorite addiction memoir. Very little hope in this one.

[Kathleen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Saturation is a memoir written by Jennifer Place, documenting her very real odyssey of battling alcoholism, dysfunctional family relationships, a toxic marriage to an enabler, and her journey towards self-discovery and sobriety.

This was not an easy story to read, but I admire the realistic, no holds barred, straight talking account that Ms. Place uses to tell her story. As a non-drinker that has had alcoholism affect both sides of my family, Jennifer's account of her bout with alcoholism and struggle to gain sobriety horrified me, I went through a roller coaster ride of emotions as she described her daily drinking habit of four bottles of wine, and the occasional doses of vodka, I just couldn't imagine how the hell she lived to tell her story. I totally got what the title Saturation stands for, she saturated herself with alcohol on a daily basis to get through the withdrawals, and to be able to go about her daily life. My heart breaks for everyone who goes through this on a daily basis, and it just cemented in my mind how horrible a disease alcoholism really is.

Jennifer's struggle to overcome alcoholism was coupled with the dysfunctional relationship that she had with her family, and the toxic marriage to an enabler that she basically hated. Can you just imagine the hell that she was living? In her memoir, she feels that she was a terrible mother, who gave her two sons to their fathers to raise, and she writes that she felt guilt ridden for doing this. I do not agree that she was a bad mother, Jennifer, I applaud you for being a mother who cared enough to allow your sons to grow up in stable home environments, and your greatest gift is that they are both well-adjusted young men. The other thing that I would like to comment on is the family dynamic. While I can understand the author's dysfunctional relationship with her father, I would be remiss if I didn't say that from a family member's standpoint, who had to deal with an alcoholic father's verbal abuse, family members feel helpless as they watch their loved ones go through this terrible disease, and any attempt to help are often met with resistance and verbal attacks which we endure because through all of this, the simple fact is that we love our family member no matter what. As for the toxic short-lived marriage, I am so glad that Jennifer finally took a stand and put that behind her. As long as there is an enabler in the relationship, a person's constant struggle with alcoholism would take precedence over gaining sobriety and maintaining it.

Jennifer's account of the five times that she went through in-patient treatment, and her struggle to maintain sobriety only to relapse each time, demonstrated the reality of alcoholism as an ongoing struggle that a person endures in order to achieve sobriety and maintain it. As I read about each of the five times she was in treatment, I cheered for her, hoping that she would find herself and gain that sobriety. My heart broke each time she relapsed, and when her journey towards sobriety was finally achieved, I rejoiced over the strength that she displayed to finally be able to put that traumatic part of her life behind her.

I would recommend reading Saturation, whether you are addicted to alcohol, or have a loved one that is addicted, as it may provide a sense of reality and hope that alcohol addiction can be overcome and sobriety gained.

Disclaimer: At the request of the author, a Kindle edition of this book was sent, at no cost to me, for my honest review.

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[Sandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

Exhausted.
Saturation, exhausted me.
I’m not a reader that will read a book just to finish it. If the book does not interest me, if it is poorly written, I won’t continue.
Saturation took up a lot of my time and simply because the author’s life spread before me with such surgical, calculated pain; the book was fascinating I could not look away.
The author did not ramble and almost had a third party, journalistic view point of her life. I found myself thinking about the book when I was not reading it - a good sign. I found myself when I was finished sort of wrung out, as if I had run a long race. I can still feel that rubbery sort of numbness in my limbs thinking about the author’s life – completely saturated.
This is not light reading and it is not for the faint of heart. You will find yourself enraged and walking away – telling yourself you won’t pick up that **** book again. You will go back to it – you are compelled to go back to the book.
If you have a family member who is on the self-destruct road of alcoholism and you are searching for answers perhaps this book will help – it did not help me in that capacity. I was not searching for a connection or guidance, I wanted to read the book as an objective human being – I did not stay objective, I became emotionally involved.
I felt myself arguing with her decisions and questioning her complaints and pulling her away from her addictions. Then I realized – hey, I would be part of the problem too. I realized that as the book ended.
Again, I need to go back to that “exhausted,” feeling. As the book concludes and I realize that her journey was one of self-discovery and that wanting her to be sober was not enough – even her desire to be sober was not enough, she needed to deal with why she drank not how to get beyond drinking.
We’ve all heard that an addicted person needs to meet rock bottom, an addicted person needs to want sobriety. I realized when I completed the book that I had been wrestling with this author all through her words – she allowed me to enter her world. She did not come out, words blazing telling me to back off; she showed me my own controlling desires I never realized. That’s what a good book does – enlightens the reader. It was like grabbing the wheel during a high-speed chase and understanding you can’t drive from the passenger side.
Ms Place, I appreciate your work, your diligence and I would recommend and am recommending your writing. Thanks for your insight and best of luck.

[Ally · Rating 4 out of 5]

(From my blog, Word Vagabond: Supporting Independent and Small Press Authors.)

When Jennifer Place entered a substance abuse treatment center for the first time, she was fresh out of jail and drinking four bottles of wine a day. She had given away custody of her two children, married a man she didn’t love, and moved several states away, all in a haze of alcohol. This book describes her journey through five treatment programs, struggling to free herself from her toxic relationship with drinking.

The book begins just after Place’s husband has her hauled off to jail, which is definitely an attention-grabbing way to start. Unfortunately, this is immediately followed by a chapter that tries to sum up her entire history up until that point in just a few pages. The result is confusing and feels rushed.

Thankfully, the book gets much easier to read after that. Place’s descriptions of her time in jail and rehab are vivid and interesting. Her voice gets stronger and more confident chapter by chapter, which helps the reader feel the progress she is making underneath her continuing addiction.

Watching her enter each new treatment center and then relapse time and again is frustrating, but that’s what makes this an authentic story: there are no easy answers, no quick fixes. It would be nice to see more of the internal work she was doing while in treatment, though. She talks about doing constant journaling and introspection, but never shares the results of that work. She also doesn’t discuss why she started drinking in the first place, which I think would be a crucial detail for this kind of memoir.

Even as a person who has never struggled with addiction, I found a lot of empathize with in her story. Place’s severe anxiety attacks were all too familiar, and I actually found those parts emotionally difficult to read because they described perfectly experiences I have gone through. It was easy for me to understand how difficult it was to recover from alcohol abuse and try to manage severe anxiety at the same time.

Apart from the story, Saturation would have benefitted from more thorough copy-editing. While there weren’t a crippling number of typos and style errors, they were a bit distracting.

I think this is a valuable memoir for anyone who wants a better understanding of alcohol addiction, or even the possible effects of severe anxiety.

[Jennifer Dahl · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought 'Saturation' in an ongoing attempt to find hope for a loved one, and to offer hope to her mother. Little did I dream when I ordered the book I would see myself in its pages - and not be altogether proud of the sight. 'Saturation' will take you on one incredible ride after another, until you simply won't think the author can possibly survive one more day... and then she does. And she realizes she's got enough to live for that she finally makes the choice to save herself.

It was as I suspected for my loved one. She has to do the choosing - no amount of our wanting a clean and sober life for her will make it so; but 'Saturation' gave me the hope I'd lost that she'd ever do so. After thirty years of addiction, I didn't think there were any chances left. I was wrong: as long as there's breath, there's hope.

'Saturation' is one of the most difficult 'easy' reads I have ever had. Ms. Place tells her story with no-holds-barred, straight out, not excusing nor varnishing the tale or any one's part in it - including her own. Your heart will ache for her, and you will be so very glad for her, too... especially if you, like me, love someone with the same addiction.

In the end, 'Saturation' helped me - it helped me understand both the reality of alcoholism and the never-ending, ongoing struggle to live with it long after the last drink. It helped me accept that *I*, no matter how badly I might want to, can't make the choice for sobriety for my loved one. And it gave me insight into the 'battle and the war'.

I fully recommend 'Saturation', especially if there's an alcoholic in your life. You will learn; you will understand; and it might even reawaken the compassion you thought had died.

[Shell · Rating 3 out of 5]

Disclaimer: I received this book free and was asked to write a review. The review is my honest opinion.

Jennifer Place writes about her struggle to get sober. As someone who has alcoholics in their family, I was very interested to learn why it is so hard to not drink. I thought it was just a matter of willpower and wanting to stop. This book showed me there was so much more involved.

While reading the book, I was not fond of Ms. Place. She wrote herself as being very unlikable, someone with no tact whatsoever. I believe this is how she was until she got sober. Although many people do not like bull, she seemed to take her dislike to extremes, especially when in treatment.

I think the book has more potential than how it is now written, The book could use better storytelling and better editing. I learned a lot about alcoholism. The ability of one's body to adapt to the amount of alcohol consumed, the bad choices one makes when not sober, and what it really takes to get and stay sober.

Although I didn't like the way the author wrote herself, I couldn't help but root for her throughout the whole book. I wanted her to succeed in getting sober, once and for all. It's worth the read if only to learn more about alcoholism and overcoming it.

[Teresa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Personal recollection of authors struggle with addiction and what its like from a first hand account of struggling through the battle of recovery and relapse. The struggles to fight the itch to keep going and not to keep letting that itch be scratched as the author describes it best. i really liked the authors description of what addiction is and the battle is to fight it day in and day it. Her description was amazing. I am sorry she had such struggles though it has mad her who she is today and without those struggles she would not be that person. I am happy she has accomplished her goal of writing a book and hope that she continues on her journey in recovery and becomes whoever and whatever she dreams of being. i also am glad her dad was able to eventually understand more than what he understood in the beginning as sometimes it is so hard for people on the outside to understand addiction. Jennifer you are a strong women and I hope you continue to be who you want to be. You did a great job writing this and inspire me as you wanted something and set the goal and though struggled to obtain it you made it. Thanks for allowing me to receive this book through smashwords.

[Donna · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've had this book for a while. It was given to me by the author for an honest review. I've put off reading it because I thought it might be a difficult read. I've had first hand experience with dealing with alcoholics, and it is not a pleasant experience. I've become somewhat jaded as I've seen the 'falling off the wagon' far more than success with sobriety.

Jennifer writes about her struggles overcoming alcoholism. Have you ever been driving and come upon an accident, seeing the police and ambulance at the scene? You know how we all slow down to 'peak' at what's happening? That's how I felt while reading this book. I was watching as Jennifer went through her voyage of self discovery. I don't think I would have been able to express myself as well as she has. She doesn't hold anything back.
I found myself rooting for her to maintain sobriety- I want to see her succeed.

I would love to read about her a few years down the road, Good Luck to you Jennifer!

[Sherry Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

I finished this book over a week ago. It grabbed me and reminded me what a horrible disease alcholism is. I was married to an alcholic for almost 20 years. Ms. Place bared her soul writing this book. She did it with humor and seriousness. She hid nothing. I laughed with her, I cried with her. This was a very touching memoir of an active alcholic. I could not put the book down. I am pleased that she is finally in recovery and I pray for this lovely woman that she will never pick up a drink again.

I highly recommend this book to anyone, particularly an active alcholic, a recovering alcoholic, a family member or a friend of an alcholic. And to anyone who is in the business of recovery. Thank you Ms. Place for writing this book, and I am grateful to my Higher Power for leading me to your blog to find you.

Sherry Miller.

[Andrew Priddy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm a pretty busy guy, and if I can't put a book down it gets 5 stars. Also, I could really relate to the authors battle for survival, and in no way could have verbally expressed what she managed to put into writing. Her final insight took me straight into my own thoughts about myself and where I am in my journey, i felt she was writing parts of my story better than i could write it myself. I like the message she gave me at the ending, its unconventional (not a bad thing) but also envokes thought... it kept me open to the possibility she may yet survive. It flowed easily... Thanks for the good read, will definately recomend to those around me. Andy

[Mark Lutian · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was amazed that Ms. Place told her story with such clarity and detachment. I became so immersed in her narrative that at times it felt as though I was crawling through the wreckage of a roller coaster that had collapsed in the middle of my ride. I was most impressed by her ability to acknowledge her addiction and its effect on her life, something that most alcoholics I have known refuse to recognize.

I read it in two sittings: the first, late into the night until I could no longer keep my eyes open, then the next day until it was finished. I literally could not put it down.

[Manya · Rating 1 out of 5]

Unintentionally hilarious

Author is hilariously self important...., according to her book, every man she meets falls hopelessly in love with her and she literally knows more than every person she has ever met. She opened the eyes of the professionals at all five of her rehabs with her incredible wisdom. She is also convinced that abandoning her children had zero impact on them. So if you want a good laugh... read this book!

[Lynn Plourde · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not sure how to rate... I find it took me until the last chapter to understand the struggle of alcoholism... I find the author dragged on about details that somewhat didn't really explain why she drinks and then she summarizes it in 4 pages at the end... It is still an eye opener.

[N Marion · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed reading Jennifer's story. Her style of writing is blunt and compelling, the tale of her struggles with alcohol addiction (the constant itch) and it's impact on her life.

[Doreen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought this was a well written,plain and simple look at alcoholism
from an alcoholic.I appreciated the honesty and have gained much more in-sight to understanding my friend who is an alcoholic.