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Dopefiend: A Father's Journey from Addiction to Redemption
Dopefiend is a recovery memoir, but it’s really about the lengths a father will go to find a satisfying relationship with his son. Sometimes you have to follow the most unlikely path to find the thing you want most.
- GenresNonfiction
208 pages, Paperback
First published September 15, 2011
2 people are currently reading
55 people want to read
About the author
Tim Elhajj
6 books8 followersTim Elhajj’s nonfiction essays and articles have appeared in The New York Times, Brevity, Guernica, Sweet, The Yalobusha Review, Together, and Relief. He edits Junk, a journal that features literary memoir about addiction, obsession, and unrequited needs, both real and imagined.
Dopefiend is Tim’s first book.
Dopefiend is Tim’s first book.
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Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
January 2, 2012
I had the good fortune to be a student in a memoir class that Tim came and spoke to. He was humble, likable and a little shy. Because of this, I was predisposed to giving his book a thumbs up but I'm glad to say the writing didn't disappoint. Here's what I like about Dopefiend: it is not a wallow in addiction, but more a bumpy roadmap to recovery without being preachy or self-righteous. Tim's flawed humanity is the reason I was happy to take the journey with him.
March 6, 2012
I actually read this memoir last summer, in July 2011, but am just getting around to reviewing. I loved Dopefiend because it's so honest and unsparing. The author shows his hard road to sobriety and does so without your feeling that he's asking for pity or sympathy. He simply does really have a story to tell. I imagine he hopes it will inspire other addicts, or anyone with a serious problem, but it isn't at all preachy. He shows himself at his worst and doesn't make excuses, but he's obviously trying and you begin to root for him to prevail.
The other thing is how artful this memoir is. For instance, it focuses on his recovery and we learn only in passing of his earlier substance abuse in high school and his related work as sexual hustler. Many people would have focused on that, as it sounds like a good book in itself, or they would have muddied up this story with that one, but the author keeps his focus on his attempt to recover so that he can become a good father. As a writer myself, I really admired the author's skill there, as well as in showing his various mental states.
One more thing: the book is low key about his twelve-step program, but it is clear that the program was vital and that the "higher power" aspect was very important. I found his hard-won testimony appealing and compelling. It reminded me of Mary Karr's latest memoir Lit in that regard, as she is equally frank in showing how accepting some greater power than herself and asking humbly for its help worked for her, too. Personally I envision that force as an inner one that evolved with us and that people can tap into if they try. But however you define it, and the author does not, as I recall, Dopefiend is a powerful testament to its power if not to its still-unprovable reality.
The other thing is how artful this memoir is. For instance, it focuses on his recovery and we learn only in passing of his earlier substance abuse in high school and his related work as sexual hustler. Many people would have focused on that, as it sounds like a good book in itself, or they would have muddied up this story with that one, but the author keeps his focus on his attempt to recover so that he can become a good father. As a writer myself, I really admired the author's skill there, as well as in showing his various mental states.
One more thing: the book is low key about his twelve-step program, but it is clear that the program was vital and that the "higher power" aspect was very important. I found his hard-won testimony appealing and compelling. It reminded me of Mary Karr's latest memoir Lit in that regard, as she is equally frank in showing how accepting some greater power than herself and asking humbly for its help worked for her, too. Personally I envision that force as an inner one that evolved with us and that people can tap into if they try. But however you define it, and the author does not, as I recall, Dopefiend is a powerful testament to its power if not to its still-unprovable reality.
November 8, 2014
The author's writing skill is superb. The language he uses is deliberate, full of emotion without being sappy or psychoanalytical. The narrator's voice is one of non-judgement, only matter-of-fact. But the reader is there with the narrator on his hero's journey to be a better man for the one person he truly loves, his son.
January 10, 2015
Good read, it was an interesting journey. My only complaint is that it seemed too short, and sometimes it felt as if it skimmed over details and made some time jumps, but overall an excellent look inside of recovery.
March 31, 2013
This is a spare, well-crafted, humble and also wise page-turner. Elhajj's commitment to the story and to sharing his life lessons taught me much about redemption, transcendence, and remaining agile in spite of life's inevitable curveballs. I look forward to reading his next book!
December 30, 2014
Dopefiend by Tim Elhajj traces the father-son relationship from infancy to adulthood, along with the trials of parental visitation, divorce and remarriage, drug rehabilitation, education and career development...not to mention the poignant torments of broken relationships, most notably between father and son and between son and mother.
Despite feeling uncertain and afraid, lacking in confidence and any clear example beyond his AA sponsor, the protagonist sets forth to grow in his ability to parent and ultimately to know his firstborn son, who came along shortly before his first wife left him and when he himself was addicted to heroin.
This is a powerful story of having to grow up and ultimately face one's own demons--a gripping memoir of not just facing facts and realizing that everyone actually has an important role to play, but more triumphantly of actually doing one's part, of showing up, sometimes in the nick of time, but finally in always showing up to the best of one's ability. It's also a story about the irreplaceable presence of a father in every boy's life, in every human's life. Likewise, this book is also about the physiological call to parent one's offspring--the emotional, psychological tug that never fully goes away.
This book is filled with subtle irony and plenty of insights by a typical and not-so typical father who can dole out better advice than he sometimes can follow for himself. You will find yourself pleased with the pacing, the self-deprecating humor, the concision and candor that marks this writer's style throughout the book. There are some laugh-out-loud moments and one of the most gripping if not profound epilogues anywhere.
It's an epic tale in contemporary prose, and one of the best quick reads I've experienced in years.
Despite feeling uncertain and afraid, lacking in confidence and any clear example beyond his AA sponsor, the protagonist sets forth to grow in his ability to parent and ultimately to know his firstborn son, who came along shortly before his first wife left him and when he himself was addicted to heroin.
This is a powerful story of having to grow up and ultimately face one's own demons--a gripping memoir of not just facing facts and realizing that everyone actually has an important role to play, but more triumphantly of actually doing one's part, of showing up, sometimes in the nick of time, but finally in always showing up to the best of one's ability. It's also a story about the irreplaceable presence of a father in every boy's life, in every human's life. Likewise, this book is also about the physiological call to parent one's offspring--the emotional, psychological tug that never fully goes away.
This book is filled with subtle irony and plenty of insights by a typical and not-so typical father who can dole out better advice than he sometimes can follow for himself. You will find yourself pleased with the pacing, the self-deprecating humor, the concision and candor that marks this writer's style throughout the book. There are some laugh-out-loud moments and one of the most gripping if not profound epilogues anywhere.
It's an epic tale in contemporary prose, and one of the best quick reads I've experienced in years.
January 16, 2016
"I felt nervous and excited, like the feeling you get going into a department store to shoplift, or when you hit a working vein and see that first little rosebud of blood in the barrel of a syringe." - Tim Elhajj
This is a journey that will shock your sensibilities, unless you've been there and done that. If you haven't, this book will help you understand what it's like to claw your way up from the bottom after alienating your mother and siblings, losing your wife and young son, and sleeping in homeless shelters because a rehab center won't even consider taking you until you're clean. How do you fight your way back into the good graces of your e-wife and son when everything you say and do is wrong? What is it like to step into your mother's house and see her hide her purse? How do you tell your boy, after you've finally attained a tenuous relationship, that you're now moving to the other side of the country? Can you make it work?
Well written, compelling, fascinating, and not without humor, this is an inspiring story of addiction, hope and redemption.
This is a journey that will shock your sensibilities, unless you've been there and done that. If you haven't, this book will help you understand what it's like to claw your way up from the bottom after alienating your mother and siblings, losing your wife and young son, and sleeping in homeless shelters because a rehab center won't even consider taking you until you're clean. How do you fight your way back into the good graces of your e-wife and son when everything you say and do is wrong? What is it like to step into your mother's house and see her hide her purse? How do you tell your boy, after you've finally attained a tenuous relationship, that you're now moving to the other side of the country? Can you make it work?
Well written, compelling, fascinating, and not without humor, this is an inspiring story of addiction, hope and redemption.
October 10, 2014
Impressive. I read this as part of a class on writing Memoir. I never would have picked this up on my own as the subject matter (drugs) I initially thought this would share was of no interest to me. I found myself identifying with the male heroine addict on the road to his recovery, sharing tiny moments of shame in regular, everyday life that, strung together as pearls, really made a great story. I surprised myself with the intensity of emotion and epiphany I had at the end. My own addictions seem tame and juvenile compared to his, but the universal theme of trying to find connections to other people -- in Tim's case, with his own son -- really spoke to me. I especially liked the fact that he didn't go into great detail about his habit -- in fact, throughout the book he remains clean -- since I have no interest in learning about that whole netherworld. Nicely written, emotionally packed and he freely shows his vulnerable side in a way I hope to emulate in my own writing.
April 5, 2014
This was the flip side of the junkie memoir coin. Most in the genre deal with the using part, the falling part, the "sexier" part. Of course, it's not actually "sexy," just more salacious. Watching an addict spiral out of control provides a certain perverse fascination. Tim Elhajj's memoir traverses the road back, the humiliating jobs, the trudging back up the hill with your tail between your legs. Being a screw-up at 20 is one thing. Once you hit your 30s and 40s, it's humbling to be taking orders from kids half your age, riding bicycles. What drives Dopefiend is Tim's willingness to pay for his crimes, honestly, openly, and get back to where he belongs: being a man and father. This is a moving, unsettling portrait of the addict putting the pieces back together.
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews