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La Seduction: How the French Play the Game of Life
The hidden truth about the French way of life: it's all about seduction—its rules, its pleasures, its secrets
France is a seductive country, seductive in its elegance, its beauty, its sensual pleasures, and its joie de vivre. But Elaine Sciolino, the longtime Paris bureau chief of The New York Times, has discovered that seduction is much more than a game to the French: it is the key to understanding France.
Seduction plays a crucial role in how the French relate to one another—not just in romantic relationships but also in how they conduct business, enjoy food and drink, define style, engage in intellectual debate, elect politicians, and project power around the world. While sexual repartee and conquest remain at the heart of seduction, for the French seduction has become a philosophy of life, even an ideology, that can confuse outsiders.
In La Seduction, Sciolino gives us an inside view of how seduction works in all areas, analyzing its limits as well as its power. She demystifies the French way of life in an entertaining and personal narrative that carries us from the neighborhood shops of Paris to the halls of government, from the gardens of Versailles to the agricultural heartland.
La Seduction will charm you and encourage you to lower your defenses about the French. Pull up a chair and let Elaine Sciolino seduce you.
France is a seductive country, seductive in its elegance, its beauty, its sensual pleasures, and its joie de vivre. But Elaine Sciolino, the longtime Paris bureau chief of The New York Times, has discovered that seduction is much more than a game to the French: it is the key to understanding France.
Seduction plays a crucial role in how the French relate to one another—not just in romantic relationships but also in how they conduct business, enjoy food and drink, define style, engage in intellectual debate, elect politicians, and project power around the world. While sexual repartee and conquest remain at the heart of seduction, for the French seduction has become a philosophy of life, even an ideology, that can confuse outsiders.
In La Seduction, Sciolino gives us an inside view of how seduction works in all areas, analyzing its limits as well as its power. She demystifies the French way of life in an entertaining and personal narrative that carries us from the neighborhood shops of Paris to the halls of government, from the gardens of Versailles to the agricultural heartland.
La Seduction will charm you and encourage you to lower your defenses about the French. Pull up a chair and let Elaine Sciolino seduce you.
352 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2011
112 people are currently reading
1641 people want to read
About the author
Elaine Sciolino
7 books252 followersElaine Sciolino is a writer and former Paris Bureau Chief for The New York Times, based in France since 2002.
Her new book, Adventures in the Louvre: How to Fall in Love with the World's Greatest Museum, will be published by W.W. Norton & Company on April 1, 2025.
Sciolino's previous book, The Seine: The River That Made Paris, will be published by W.W. Norton & Company on November 5, 2019.
Lauren Collins, Paris staff writer for The New Yorker, calls the book “a soulful, transformative voyage along the body of water that defines the City of Light. Elaine Sciolino is the perfect guide to the world's most romantic river.”
Her book, The Only Street in Paris: Life on the Rue des Martyrs, published by W.W. Norton & Company in 2015, was a New York Times best seller. The Wall Street Journal called the book “a sublime stroll…elegiac;” The New York Times wrote that “she has Paris at her feet;” the Chicago Tribune called her “a storyteller at heart.”
Her second book on life in France, The Only Street in Paris: Life on the Rue des Martyrs, released in November 2015, is a New York Times bestseller and in its fourth printing. The New York Times wrote that “Sciolino … has Paris at her feet.” The Wall Street Journal praised it as “a sublime stroll…elegiac.” The Washington Post called the book a “love letter with such ingenuous passion it’s hard not to cheer up;” it was also chosen as a Washington Post Book Club selection.
In 2010, she was decorated a chevalier of the Legion of Honor, the highest honor of the French state, for her “special contribution” to the friendship between France and the United States.
In 2019, Sciolino became a member of the Advisory Board of Reporters Without Borders, the Paris-based international advocacy organization promoting freedom of information and freedom
of the press. In 2018, she received an honorary Doctor of Literature degree from the University of London.
Sciolino's book, La Seduction: How the French Play the Game of Life, was published by Henry Holt/Times Books in 2011. The book was named one of the best books of 2011 by The New York Times T Magazine. La séduction, comment les Français jouent au jeu de la vie, the French edition, was published by Presses de la Cité in 2012.
Her book, Persian Mirrors: The Elusive Face of Iran, was first published by The Free Press in 2000 and updated in a new edition in 2005. During the Persian Mirrors project, she was a Senior Fellow at the United States Institute of Peace, a Public Policy Scholar at the Woodrow Wilson International Center for Scholars and the winner of a writing fellowship from the Open Society Institute.
Persian Mirrors was awarded the 2001 New York Public Library Helen Bernstein Book Award for Excellence in Journalism and the Overseas Press Club Cornelius Ryan Citation for nonfiction. It was also a History Book Club selection and a New York Times Notable Book for 2000. In 2001, Sciolino was honored by Columbia University’s Encyclopedia Iranica project “for presenting the best of Iran to the world” and elected to the Executive Council of the Society for Iranian Studies that year.
Sciolino began her journalism career as a researcher at Newsweek Magazine in New York, later becoming national correspondent in Chicago, foreign correspondent in Paris, bureau chief in Rome and roving international correspondent. Sciolino was the Edward R. Murrow Press Fellow at the Council on Foreign Relations in 1982-1983, the first woman to receive that honor.
She joined The New York Times in 1984, where she has held a number of posts, including United Nations’ bureau chief, Central Intelligence Agency correspondent, Culture correspondent and chief diplomatic correspondent – the first woman to hold that post – and Paris Bureau Chief. She has also served as The New York Time
Her new book, Adventures in the Louvre: How to Fall in Love with the World's Greatest Museum, will be published by W.W. Norton & Company on April 1, 2025.
Sciolino's previous book, The Seine: The River That Made Paris, will be published by W.W. Norton & Company on November 5, 2019.
Lauren Collins, Paris staff writer for The New Yorker, calls the book “a soulful, transformative voyage along the body of water that defines the City of Light. Elaine Sciolino is the perfect guide to the world's most romantic river.”
Her book, The Only Street in Paris: Life on the Rue des Martyrs, published by W.W. Norton & Company in 2015, was a New York Times best seller. The Wall Street Journal called the book “a sublime stroll…elegiac;” The New York Times wrote that “she has Paris at her feet;” the Chicago Tribune called her “a storyteller at heart.”
Her second book on life in France, The Only Street in Paris: Life on the Rue des Martyrs, released in November 2015, is a New York Times bestseller and in its fourth printing. The New York Times wrote that “Sciolino … has Paris at her feet.” The Wall Street Journal praised it as “a sublime stroll…elegiac.” The Washington Post called the book a “love letter with such ingenuous passion it’s hard not to cheer up;” it was also chosen as a Washington Post Book Club selection.
In 2010, she was decorated a chevalier of the Legion of Honor, the highest honor of the French state, for her “special contribution” to the friendship between France and the United States.
In 2019, Sciolino became a member of the Advisory Board of Reporters Without Borders, the Paris-based international advocacy organization promoting freedom of information and freedom
of the press. In 2018, she received an honorary Doctor of Literature degree from the University of London.
Sciolino's book, La Seduction: How the French Play the Game of Life, was published by Henry Holt/Times Books in 2011. The book was named one of the best books of 2011 by The New York Times T Magazine. La séduction, comment les Français jouent au jeu de la vie, the French edition, was published by Presses de la Cité in 2012.
Her book, Persian Mirrors: The Elusive Face of Iran, was first published by The Free Press in 2000 and updated in a new edition in 2005. During the Persian Mirrors project, she was a Senior Fellow at the United States Institute of Peace, a Public Policy Scholar at the Woodrow Wilson International Center for Scholars and the winner of a writing fellowship from the Open Society Institute.
Persian Mirrors was awarded the 2001 New York Public Library Helen Bernstein Book Award for Excellence in Journalism and the Overseas Press Club Cornelius Ryan Citation for nonfiction. It was also a History Book Club selection and a New York Times Notable Book for 2000. In 2001, Sciolino was honored by Columbia University’s Encyclopedia Iranica project “for presenting the best of Iran to the world” and elected to the Executive Council of the Society for Iranian Studies that year.
Sciolino began her journalism career as a researcher at Newsweek Magazine in New York, later becoming national correspondent in Chicago, foreign correspondent in Paris, bureau chief in Rome and roving international correspondent. Sciolino was the Edward R. Murrow Press Fellow at the Council on Foreign Relations in 1982-1983, the first woman to receive that honor.
She joined The New York Times in 1984, where she has held a number of posts, including United Nations’ bureau chief, Central Intelligence Agency correspondent, Culture correspondent and chief diplomatic correspondent – the first woman to hold that post – and Paris Bureau Chief. She has also served as The New York Time
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 143 reviews
May 4, 2012
Being French I was curious too see what an American has to say on the topic, I had never really thought about it before. I enjoyed her experience with politicians or other famous French men, the various stories (the Eiffel Tower, Chantal Thomass etc.). It's a well researched book full of interesting details (at least to me). But overall, I could not really agree with the way she portrays seduction in France through mostly a very upper class point of view. All the people she seems to meet, to interview are far from the average French person. To me,this is a book about seduction in the higher levels of French society, I am not sure it is very representative of most of the French population. Really, how many women nowadays have experienced le baisemain, even once in her life????
This really bothered me, I feel I get only one side of the story. I would have liked the book to be more balanced, maybe interviews with "everyday" people.
This really bothered me, I feel I get only one side of the story. I would have liked the book to be more balanced, maybe interviews with "everyday" people.
August 5, 2012
This book is incredible. As a bi-cultural person with deep roots in France and America, I have spent years unsuccessfully trying to identify, explain, and describe that certain "French thing" that makes French thinking different from American thinking and my French life so much richer and more interesting than my American life. (Don't get me wrong, I certainly enjoy being an American and appreciate many elements you can't find anywhere else, but when it comes to quality of life, no one beats the French.)
Eventually, I gave up and just accepted that my American friends would never fully understand or appreciate the brilliant game that is ordinary French life. Enter this book, which I happened upon totally randomly and solved this problem forever-- I now want to hand a copy to every person in America and say: "THIS" is why the French enjoy a better quality of life, more personal freedom, and more satisfaction on the way than anything I've experienced here.
The basic premise is that while Americans are concerned with outcomes, speed, power, success, and end-results, the French are concerned with enjoying the journey and living a full life. I couldn't agree more, and the brilliant and complex turns this fascinating journalistic piece takes keep you turning pages, giggling, and shouting: "AHA! So THAT's why."
Must read.
Eventually, I gave up and just accepted that my American friends would never fully understand or appreciate the brilliant game that is ordinary French life. Enter this book, which I happened upon totally randomly and solved this problem forever-- I now want to hand a copy to every person in America and say: "THIS" is why the French enjoy a better quality of life, more personal freedom, and more satisfaction on the way than anything I've experienced here.
The basic premise is that while Americans are concerned with outcomes, speed, power, success, and end-results, the French are concerned with enjoying the journey and living a full life. I couldn't agree more, and the brilliant and complex turns this fascinating journalistic piece takes keep you turning pages, giggling, and shouting: "AHA! So THAT's why."
Must read.
July 9, 2022
4.2 ⭐ Read: 01/18; Updated: 09/07/22. Adds review to rating.
Very interesting and well written take on French society and culture by a former Paris correspondent for the New York Times. Sciolino argues that everything French revolves around seducing others to achieve your goals and, always, of projecting a favourable image. It's as good an explanation as any for the French. She applies her hypothesis to politics; industry- especially iconic products like fashion, food, perfume, architecture; and, of course, sex.
Her description of French society is sympathetic but not flattering. She discusses French xenophobia, exceptionalism and arrogance. There's a lot of understated humor that I liked. On being told that she needs to have a lover in order to be taken seriously, she looks into creating a fake affair. Discussing a list of potential candidates with her husband ( who asks her "Should you be talking to me about this?") she dismisses one prospect on the grounds he might take the role too seriously. There's a lot to think about in this book by a keenly observant journalist.
Very interesting and well written take on French society and culture by a former Paris correspondent for the New York Times. Sciolino argues that everything French revolves around seducing others to achieve your goals and, always, of projecting a favourable image. It's as good an explanation as any for the French. She applies her hypothesis to politics; industry- especially iconic products like fashion, food, perfume, architecture; and, of course, sex.
Her description of French society is sympathetic but not flattering. She discusses French xenophobia, exceptionalism and arrogance. There's a lot of understated humor that I liked. On being told that she needs to have a lover in order to be taken seriously, she looks into creating a fake affair. Discussing a list of potential candidates with her husband ( who asks her "Should you be talking to me about this?") she dismisses one prospect on the grounds he might take the role too seriously. There's a lot to think about in this book by a keenly observant journalist.
June 9, 2011
In France children play a board game, Loto des Odeurs, to help them develop and refine their sense of smell. The French believe in the right to pleasure so they are highly tolerant of other people’s private lives and do not enjoy ugly revelations. Investigative style journalism is rare. The concept of sexual sin and Bible toting politicians don’t exist. French workers hoping to get a job in the public sector, a low-level ticket agent for example, are expected to answer literary questions about the 1678 novel La Princesse de Clèves on their application exams. Though it has nothing to do with ticket taking or any other civil servant job, this romantic novel is so widely loved in France that business-minded president Nicolas Sarkozy created a national uprising when he tried to have the Princesse questions removed from the test. These are just some of the differences between the American and French ways of living, loving and seeing the world that New York Times reporter Elaine Sciolino covers in this humorous but insightful and informative book.
In recent days Sciolino has been writing in the New York Times about former IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn’s arrest on sexual assault charges, and he makes an earlier appearance in this book as a well-known womanizer who was nevertheless on track to be a presidential candidate in the next election.
Sciolino organizes her book around the idea of seduction, a concept everyone in France seems to have strong and positive ideas about. A belief in the power of seduction explains why the French loved Benjamin Franklin but not John Adams, why the French tried to rule their former colonies by persuasion rather than brute force and why Woody Allen and his films are so popular in France. (If his new movie Midnight in Paris is any indication Allen loves France as much as the French love him.)
If you are going to France this book may help you enjoy your visit more. If, like me, you can’t get away right now reading La Seduction will at least give you a window into that fascinating country.
In recent days Sciolino has been writing in the New York Times about former IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn’s arrest on sexual assault charges, and he makes an earlier appearance in this book as a well-known womanizer who was nevertheless on track to be a presidential candidate in the next election.
Sciolino organizes her book around the idea of seduction, a concept everyone in France seems to have strong and positive ideas about. A belief in the power of seduction explains why the French loved Benjamin Franklin but not John Adams, why the French tried to rule their former colonies by persuasion rather than brute force and why Woody Allen and his films are so popular in France. (If his new movie Midnight in Paris is any indication Allen loves France as much as the French love him.)
If you are going to France this book may help you enjoy your visit more. If, like me, you can’t get away right now reading La Seduction will at least give you a window into that fascinating country.
August 23, 2011
Ooh-la-la! I took notes! Very informative and well researched, this book reveals both the subtle and not so subtle ways of being in the world that is French. Covering a wide range of topics from simple things such as smiling to world politics, Sciolino writes mostly with fondness about her discovery of the cultural differences that come with living and working in country that is not one's own. Timely for me on a personal level and ironic given the Strauss-Kahn affair all over the press these days, I thoroughly enjoyed reading about how in France the pursuit of pleasure and beauty in so many forms, such as language and converation, appearance, scent, and cuisine, amongst many others, is so valued. Particularly memorable for me and inspiring is the chapter on diplomacy where the author delves into historical examples of colonialism and political diplomatic events. I may have learned something here; finding common ground and shared values and building on them by pulling towards oneself can come from the heart. And as fascinating as intellectual and emotional seduction are, good listening is the simple key.
May 25, 2011
Interestingly, this book left me feeling as ambiguous about its subject - French culture and society - as I was before I started reading. I've always been drawn to certain things about France: the beauty of its landscape, the richness of its history, its melodic language, and the people's reverence for all things artistic, from literature to painting to architecture. Sciolino's in-depth study of the country and its inhabitants reaffirmed all that, which was satisfying, but it also confirmed my other views about the French, at least on a superficial level - that there is tendency towards laziness, gluttony and phoniness; that the women cling to the only thing they seem to value about themselves - beauty - and the men are slightly effeminate and faithless (I've never understood the stereotype of the French super-lover; the image is really unattractive to me for some reason, or comical, like Pepe LePew). Also, they're obsessed with food in a way that's just unseemly. Americans may be the fattest people on the planet, but at least we don't get orgasmic about our chili cheese fries. We just shovel it in and go about our business; the French can spend hours composing poetry over a dirt-crusted mushroom. Socially, they seem to value complicated, snobbish social rituals that come off pretentious to this uncouth American's ears.
There are a few areas I think the French have it over on the Americans. For instance, there is an idea that American men are not allowed to compliment and appreciate - in a gentlemanly fashion - women for fear of accusations of harassment and sexism. That's true, and it's a shame. I believe that most women, including myself, appreciate genuine and polite admirations from men, and we could all use a few more compliments anyway. I've also, with time, become averse to the way Americans tend to share very personal details about themselves with one another before there's really a relationship formed enough to warrant that. That can be blamed on the Internet too, though, for creating a false sense of intimacy, so that's not singular to America.
Overall, Sciolino is very knowledgeable (she's lived in Paris for years) and fair in her examinations. You won't necessarily learn anything new, but it's an interesting read.
There are a few areas I think the French have it over on the Americans. For instance, there is an idea that American men are not allowed to compliment and appreciate - in a gentlemanly fashion - women for fear of accusations of harassment and sexism. That's true, and it's a shame. I believe that most women, including myself, appreciate genuine and polite admirations from men, and we could all use a few more compliments anyway. I've also, with time, become averse to the way Americans tend to share very personal details about themselves with one another before there's really a relationship formed enough to warrant that. That can be blamed on the Internet too, though, for creating a false sense of intimacy, so that's not singular to America.
Overall, Sciolino is very knowledgeable (she's lived in Paris for years) and fair in her examinations. You won't necessarily learn anything new, but it's an interesting read.
July 31, 2011
In purchasing this book to read, I was expecting a more light-hearted look at an outsider striking to find a place in everyday Paris life through work, family and socializing. That is not this book. And that became perfectly okay. Sciolino takes an in depth look at the influences and perspectives of the French worldview and how the French see themselves and their place in the world. It was interesting to see how the French play their games in the political sphere- with successes and failures. This perspective can assist the French in navigating difficult political challenges (such as the Russia/ Georgia conflict) but put blinders on them when they have a leader such as Sarkozy who does not know the value of seduction but knows the value of economic stability and balanced budgets.
In love, the French do know how to manage their love lives and inflict much less collateral damage then Americans. There is no national need to use your partner as confessional priest when an affair takes place. It is quiet and intimate between two adults. Spouses can be more forgiving - one does not simply throw away a marriage due to s short term fling. Americans seem compelled to confess their guilt, beg forgiveness, humiliate their spouse by allowing a public airing and then going broke in a divorce settlement. The French seem to have worked this one out better.
The D S Kahn reputation is discussed which is quite timely. It makes one believe that the maid is indeed telling the truth. Especially both parties agree sexual contact did occur.
In the end, one of the best insights came at the end when Sciolino recounts the pressures leading up to and during attendance of a French dinner party. I would rather perform brain surgery on myself with bactine and a soup spoon then attend one of them.
All in all, well written with some wonderful insights.
In love, the French do know how to manage their love lives and inflict much less collateral damage then Americans. There is no national need to use your partner as confessional priest when an affair takes place. It is quiet and intimate between two adults. Spouses can be more forgiving - one does not simply throw away a marriage due to s short term fling. Americans seem compelled to confess their guilt, beg forgiveness, humiliate their spouse by allowing a public airing and then going broke in a divorce settlement. The French seem to have worked this one out better.
The D S Kahn reputation is discussed which is quite timely. It makes one believe that the maid is indeed telling the truth. Especially both parties agree sexual contact did occur.
In the end, one of the best insights came at the end when Sciolino recounts the pressures leading up to and during attendance of a French dinner party. I would rather perform brain surgery on myself with bactine and a soup spoon then attend one of them.
All in all, well written with some wonderful insights.
August 10, 2012
A disappointment, quite frankly. I thought the author started out well, explaining how the French interact with each other in the first few chapters. But she tends to meander and the middle really isn't all that interesting. Quite frankly, the best parts for me concerned the political aspects (Sarkozy, Chirac, Mitterand, Strauss-Kahn, Royal, etc) on the domestic and international stage, but that might be because of my personal interests.
Overall I felt the book was a mess and I was never really sure what exactly she was trying to say. Some of the other reviews here make good points--it's focused almost entirely on the elite, rather than the working or lower classes, if they make an appearance. There are references to the Muslim immigrants in France, but I couldn't help but wonder about not only the American/French views of things but the immigrant vs. native views as well, because I'm pretty sure hand kissing and what not would not go well with certain groups of people.
It was really disappointing, because I thought there might be some insight into the events that had happened within the past couple of years--specifically the Strauss-Kahn debacle and Hollande's election. The paperback was published too late for the election, although the paperback intro does discuss DSK.
Glad I had a coupon, but I wished I had bought it as a bargain book or borrowed it from the library instead.
Overall I felt the book was a mess and I was never really sure what exactly she was trying to say. Some of the other reviews here make good points--it's focused almost entirely on the elite, rather than the working or lower classes, if they make an appearance. There are references to the Muslim immigrants in France, but I couldn't help but wonder about not only the American/French views of things but the immigrant vs. native views as well, because I'm pretty sure hand kissing and what not would not go well with certain groups of people.
It was really disappointing, because I thought there might be some insight into the events that had happened within the past couple of years--specifically the Strauss-Kahn debacle and Hollande's election. The paperback was published too late for the election, although the paperback intro does discuss DSK.
Glad I had a coupon, but I wished I had bought it as a bargain book or borrowed it from the library instead.
February 7, 2016
Sciolino is the Paris correspondent of the New York Times and a former political correspondent covering French and Franco-American politics. In this book, she is most factually perceptive and persuasive when she discusses how "seduction" has influenced French politics and Franco-American political dynamics.
Sciolino says that the French love order, seduction, and the art of life. She uses this to rationalize why the French tolerate and even take pride in everything from long lines, bad service, and bureaucracy, to sexual harassment! I wish Sciolino had also explored how these "commonly accepted" French practices might be responsible for its current economic stagnation, high unemployment rate, gender inequality, or racial turmoil, and how elevating commonly accepted French practices to the "art of seduction" might be at best a coping mechanism; and at worst, a roadblock to taking needed political and social action!
Sciolino says that the French love order, seduction, and the art of life. She uses this to rationalize why the French tolerate and even take pride in everything from long lines, bad service, and bureaucracy, to sexual harassment! I wish Sciolino had also explored how these "commonly accepted" French practices might be responsible for its current economic stagnation, high unemployment rate, gender inequality, or racial turmoil, and how elevating commonly accepted French practices to the "art of seduction" might be at best a coping mechanism; and at worst, a roadblock to taking needed political and social action!
October 27, 2013
The author developed an interesting thesis about the French and seduction. Unfortunately, she chose to focus nearly exclusively on a small parisian upper class (in the "west" of Paris). It is as representative of France as it would be to choose the Upper East Side in Manhattan to study typical Americans. Her depiction of French women is particularly inaccurate and only describes a tiny number of individuals out of touch with the rest of society.
I know how much the upper class can be manipulative and they certainly deceived the author several times by making her believe in imaginary social rules. They probably had fun... but it would be good to remind readers that another French specialty is that the overall population dislike their upper class more than anywere else and showed it in 1789, 1830, 1848, 1871, 1968 and each time the question was asked in an opinion poll...
I know how much the upper class can be manipulative and they certainly deceived the author several times by making her believe in imaginary social rules. They probably had fun... but it would be good to remind readers that another French specialty is that the overall population dislike their upper class more than anywere else and showed it in 1789, 1830, 1848, 1871, 1968 and each time the question was asked in an opinion poll...
March 31, 2025
This collection of essays on the French mindset is invaluable for all of us Francophile Americans who wish to spend more time in France and to make as few Americanesque cultural faux pas as possible. Elaine Sciolino, an American journalist based in Paris, begins with a discussion with the lingering (though waning) French tradition of men kissing ladies’ hands, and how we Americans just don’t know quite how to react to it. She even includes a picture of former First Lady Laura Bush looking giddy and silly as President Jacques Chirac welcomes her to Paris by bending over and giving her a baisemain. One chapter examines the French approach to sensuality and sexuality. (The artful chase is more exciting than the conquest). Another chapter discusses the French demand for beauty, including human physical attractiveness. French people like Barack Obama largely because they find him elegant and handsome, and “men—straight and gay alike—appreciate his good looks even more than women do. . . . .His race has been transcended by his beauté" (75). During the 1998 Clinton-Lewinsky scandal, the French were not so much outraged about the former president’s conduct as they were his choice of paramour. “Monica Lewisky was not especially attractive and seemed to lack style and elegance” (75). This chapter also includes the astonishing French philosophy about Muslim women and the wearing of the veil. The French government is still embroiled in a debate about whether to ban the veil altogether, which is hard to fathom for us in America where the First Amendment is sacrosanct and any attempt to keep people from expressing a tenet of their religion would be unconstitutional. The reason for the controversy is that the French think the Muslim veil is not pleasing to the eye. “The female body should be seen and shown in its best light” (76). One essay examines the French pride in its intellectual tradition (“Everyone is a philosopher”[83]), and notes that one of the many gaffes made by former president Nicholas Sarcozy is that he boasted that he was not an intellectual. “In the eyes of a Parisian intellectual, he might as well have said he wasn’t French” (84). Then there is the fine art of conversation in which we Americans are still neophytes. Sciolino reaches back to colonial America when Benjamin Franklin and John Adams were both diplomats in France. The pre-Revolutionary French adored Franklin, a charming conversationalist who immersed himself in the oddities of their culture, and hated the staid, straight-talking Adams. One’s intellectuality need not be particularly deep. The trick is to have “profound superficiality, to know about a lot of things to have much partial knowledge” (98). To this day, “Americans who most successfully endear themselves to the French are those who know how to play the game of profound superficiality with ease and elegance” (99). Sciolino also notes how clueless Americans are about how the French approach flirting (and do things that we might think are sexual harassment), fashion and dress (French women of all ages spend about 20 percent of their clothing budget on lingerie), and perfume (“While Americans are included to project the smell of cleanliness . . . the French prefer subtlety and mystery” [164]). And then there is the French philosophy on food, which is linked to their enjoyment of sex. “Food is consistently presented in France as a source of pleasure, and gustatory is so close to amatory delight that the lines may sometimes blur” (179). As you can see, this book is infinitely quotable and I could go on and on with more about the French philosophy about politics, marital fidelity, investigative journalism and libel laws that all testify to the Gallic insistence on privacy and respect for individuality (and several ironies thereof). Sciolino has done research on a fascinating culture and a provides a timely heads up for those who need to learn more about this culture's intricacies.
February 10, 2014
On Ne Sait Jamais. And that is why you never run to the store in your sweatpants and sneakers or take out the trash in your fuzzy pink bathrobe. One never knows...
Giscard said, "I have never met an American , never, who has really understood what drives the French society." And the French like it that way.
Elaine Sciolino carefully uncovers the French milieu. Seduction is key. And seduction is war. Its three weapons are: "le regarde" (the look), "the word," (marivaudage) and "the kiss"(bise). It is a soft power with the ability to influence others through attraction rather than coercion.
There is something chaste and pure about "the look," there is no sullying of the body. Le regarde is done mysteriously and deeply not with a big toothy smile. And do not wink, only whores wink. American men do not "look" and that missing "look," the French say, is why American women get fat.
"Marivaudage," is like banter or wordplay. And with that marivaudage a soft deep voice is desired. You marivaudage to get the best cut of meat from the butcher, get off without a speeding ticket, get help carrying a package.
"La bise," is more than just a kiss. There is the simple kiss to say 'hello,' but there is also a kiss that says, 'perhaps...'
Never ever abuse smiling. The French find the big ever ready smile of an American ugly and hypocritical. Smiles are to be slight and saved for those you really know.
Everything about France is about 'seducere." Paris itself is alight with millions of twinkling lights each night seducing. The advertisements of France seek to seduce, draw you in with persuasion never with forthright bragging. The French language seduces with the careful dance of 'vous' becoming 'tu,' the familiar 'tutoiment' means a closeness that 'vous' can never be.
On and on Sciolino tells us of the ways of seduction is France. I thoroughly enjoyed the dissecting of every aspect of the French and their French life. Of course their careful attention to perfume, lingerie, and haute couture would be seductive but; heavens, even the sugar cube, purported to be invented by a Frenchman, is seductive.
Sciolino takes us on a tour of French wine, French cuisine, and French diplomats and politicians. She even brings up Dominique Strauss-Kahn, head of the International Monetary Fund, asking whether the rumors about his serial womanizing are true. Apparently so.
The work place in France is a whole different game. Sexual harassment? Not. It is simply the French man's way of telling you that you are beautiful. And the French women who were interviewed find it a compliment to be whistled at, ogled at, and exclaimed over. It makes their day.
This is a fascinating way of understanding the French and their foreign ways. If you plan to spend time in France or just like to understand different cultures, you will appreciate this in-depth look at the culture of "seducere."
"Life... is seduction. Civilization is seduction. What distinguishes men from animals is seduction."
Giscard said, "I have never met an American , never, who has really understood what drives the French society." And the French like it that way.
Elaine Sciolino carefully uncovers the French milieu. Seduction is key. And seduction is war. Its three weapons are: "le regarde" (the look), "the word," (marivaudage) and "the kiss"(bise). It is a soft power with the ability to influence others through attraction rather than coercion.
There is something chaste and pure about "the look," there is no sullying of the body. Le regarde is done mysteriously and deeply not with a big toothy smile. And do not wink, only whores wink. American men do not "look" and that missing "look," the French say, is why American women get fat.
"Marivaudage," is like banter or wordplay. And with that marivaudage a soft deep voice is desired. You marivaudage to get the best cut of meat from the butcher, get off without a speeding ticket, get help carrying a package.
"La bise," is more than just a kiss. There is the simple kiss to say 'hello,' but there is also a kiss that says, 'perhaps...'
Never ever abuse smiling. The French find the big ever ready smile of an American ugly and hypocritical. Smiles are to be slight and saved for those you really know.
Everything about France is about 'seducere." Paris itself is alight with millions of twinkling lights each night seducing. The advertisements of France seek to seduce, draw you in with persuasion never with forthright bragging. The French language seduces with the careful dance of 'vous' becoming 'tu,' the familiar 'tutoiment' means a closeness that 'vous' can never be.
On and on Sciolino tells us of the ways of seduction is France. I thoroughly enjoyed the dissecting of every aspect of the French and their French life. Of course their careful attention to perfume, lingerie, and haute couture would be seductive but; heavens, even the sugar cube, purported to be invented by a Frenchman, is seductive.
Sciolino takes us on a tour of French wine, French cuisine, and French diplomats and politicians. She even brings up Dominique Strauss-Kahn, head of the International Monetary Fund, asking whether the rumors about his serial womanizing are true. Apparently so.
The work place in France is a whole different game. Sexual harassment? Not. It is simply the French man's way of telling you that you are beautiful. And the French women who were interviewed find it a compliment to be whistled at, ogled at, and exclaimed over. It makes their day.
This is a fascinating way of understanding the French and their foreign ways. If you plan to spend time in France or just like to understand different cultures, you will appreciate this in-depth look at the culture of "seducere."
"Life... is seduction. Civilization is seduction. What distinguishes men from animals is seduction."
October 20, 2013
We've all heard it before; the differences between the Americans vs. the French. Even back in the day when writer Edith Wharton asserted that the French woman was unique in nearly all respects, as different as possible from the average American woman, she didn't stop there—the French dress better, flirt better, cook better, etc., but those simple aspects of French life didn't adequately describe why and how the French got to be that way.
Paris Correspondent, Elaine Sciolino’s La Seduction: How the French Play the Game of Life, a book-length rumination based on her decades of experience living as an American journalist in Paris, explains what Wharton and others have left out.
The main thrust of Sciolino's monologue is that the art of seduction permeates French culture, from the bedroom to the boardroom, but she takes care not to editorialize and say that Americans should follow suit. Indeed, at one point, she even admits that she and her husband “will never think like the French, never shed our American-ness. Nor do we want to.” Whether this comes from a state of stubbornness, national pride, or deflated defeat, is uncertain, but the fact of the matter remains: the French simply do things differently, and it's natural for American men and women to be fascinated by them.
The book gets repetitious. I didn't find her writing style to be engaging or humorous, it lacks warmth. It seems that the charm and artistry of living in France has not rubbed off on Sciolino. But her intellectual theories present an interesting way to look at and perhaps uncover a mystery. She turns stereotypes into insights (using mostly high-powered people and politicians as examples for her generalizations of the French) and that's what kept me reading.
For those who are interested in the cultural disconnects to explore them more deeply, and understand the complex histories that underpin such characterizations, it's an interesting premise. I've not read books in this genre, and my guess is that there are better ones out there. Even so, in the end, it's up to each individual to pick and choose the ideals that will guide our lives.
Paris Correspondent, Elaine Sciolino’s La Seduction: How the French Play the Game of Life, a book-length rumination based on her decades of experience living as an American journalist in Paris, explains what Wharton and others have left out.
The main thrust of Sciolino's monologue is that the art of seduction permeates French culture, from the bedroom to the boardroom, but she takes care not to editorialize and say that Americans should follow suit. Indeed, at one point, she even admits that she and her husband “will never think like the French, never shed our American-ness. Nor do we want to.” Whether this comes from a state of stubbornness, national pride, or deflated defeat, is uncertain, but the fact of the matter remains: the French simply do things differently, and it's natural for American men and women to be fascinated by them.
The book gets repetitious. I didn't find her writing style to be engaging or humorous, it lacks warmth. It seems that the charm and artistry of living in France has not rubbed off on Sciolino. But her intellectual theories present an interesting way to look at and perhaps uncover a mystery. She turns stereotypes into insights (using mostly high-powered people and politicians as examples for her generalizations of the French) and that's what kept me reading.
For those who are interested in the cultural disconnects to explore them more deeply, and understand the complex histories that underpin such characterizations, it's an interesting premise. I've not read books in this genre, and my guess is that there are better ones out there. Even so, in the end, it's up to each individual to pick and choose the ideals that will guide our lives.
December 29, 2011
I have to admit that I loved reading this book. This confession, however, does not ultimately mean that the book is good. I do not know a lot about French culture so I picked up this book in order to gain better insight of it and its growing pains. What I discovered was that Sciolino is in love with Paris- its food, intellectuals, over-arch customs, and the "art of living." She's completely enamored by all of it and she utterly seduced me (a reader who was willing and wanting to be seduced) with her stories regarding French conversation, perfume, wine, etc. At times it feels like she's describing a beautiful dream for all those who long to visit Paris... much like Woody Allen did in "Midnight in Paris."
But what does it all add up to in the end? Sciolino tries to incorporate the fact that times are changing and the French way of life, i.e. the "art of living," must also change in order to survive. She's aware, however, that she is not part of the country's conversation... she makes it clear that she is still an American through and through. Her thoughts and conversation points with those in power will have no influence because of her country of origin. So instead of digging deep and breaking down the society and its cherished customs, she presents it in a beautifully wrapped package for the reader to savor. It may all change soon... and so her underlying intention is not necessarily to be dry and academic so much as to showcase the allure of France and its impenetrable ways. And in presenting it in this way, I believe she makes it clear that this culture is a dying breed. It is a part of history. It is worthy of being cherished (which is clearly what she's doing, cherishing the last breath of this beautiful culture), but it holds only the sway of the romantic.
But what does it all add up to in the end? Sciolino tries to incorporate the fact that times are changing and the French way of life, i.e. the "art of living," must also change in order to survive. She's aware, however, that she is not part of the country's conversation... she makes it clear that she is still an American through and through. Her thoughts and conversation points with those in power will have no influence because of her country of origin. So instead of digging deep and breaking down the society and its cherished customs, she presents it in a beautifully wrapped package for the reader to savor. It may all change soon... and so her underlying intention is not necessarily to be dry and academic so much as to showcase the allure of France and its impenetrable ways. And in presenting it in this way, I believe she makes it clear that this culture is a dying breed. It is a part of history. It is worthy of being cherished (which is clearly what she's doing, cherishing the last breath of this beautiful culture), but it holds only the sway of the romantic.
October 5, 2011
I really enjoyed this well-written and well-researched book. Granted that it is more about Paris than about the rest of France and that it is more about the upper classes than about the ordinary French people, it still seems an accurate assessment of an important aspect of French culture as seen by an outsider (or as interpreted by the French for an outsider). The anecdotes usually are interesting and fun, and the points made seem truthful. The author has thoughtfully provided a useful bibliography for those who wish to pursue the subject (or aspects thereof) in more depth and a number of delightful photographs. I must admit that my dealings with minor French officials have been more characterized by snobbery (theirs, not mine), attempts at extortion, and a variety of threats rather than by seductive diplomacy, but I obviously have not moved in the same circles as Sciolino. WARNING: This book may seduce you into taking an expensive vacation in France.
January 26, 2015
This is a really charming book. Some reviewers have complained that it isn't a serious look at the socio-political aspects of how traditional French culture impacts immigrant populations or France's ability to modernize by neglecting to adapt principles of speed and efficiency, but I have to wonder what made them think this book did or should focus on these things. This isn't an academic, historical, or serious social analysis piece. It's the perspective of one American woman who set out to discover one aspect of French culture. Sure, it's very idealized, fanciful and dripping in French stereotypes and no, it doesn't cover every social strata in France, but so what? Not everything needs to be so serious. Ms. Sciolino's writing style suits the subject matter perfectly and is a great choice for anyone who is looking for a taste of the side of France pulled from their imaginations.
April 9, 2013
This book is not about "seduction" in the way we assume when we say "seduction", (well yes it is...), but also about all relationships in our lives from our partners and families, to lovers and desired, to friends and business contacts. What I really took away from the book is that one should strive to treat every relationship with importance and meaning and using the alternative definition of "seduce", "bring one closer to oneself". We all want to feel as if our moments in life matter. Practicing "seduction" is a good way of including others in that quest. Now I'm off to seduce some Grippos barbecue chips from the local Kwik-E-Mart.
February 25, 2013
ORDERED FOR NGL
FROM NY TIMES BOOK REVIEW:
A real American abroad is Elaine Sciolino, who was The New York Times’s bureau chief in Paris. She has written La Seduction, a nonfiction account of how important the idea of seduction is to all aspects of French life. She begins by describing what went through her head the first time a president of France kissed her hand. She also writes about Dominique Strauss-Kahn, whose behavior prompted one French comic to suggest that women better wear burqas in his presence. This is much better to read about than why French women don’t get fat.
FROM NY TIMES BOOK REVIEW:
A real American abroad is Elaine Sciolino, who was The New York Times’s bureau chief in Paris. She has written La Seduction, a nonfiction account of how important the idea of seduction is to all aspects of French life. She begins by describing what went through her head the first time a president of France kissed her hand. She also writes about Dominique Strauss-Kahn, whose behavior prompted one French comic to suggest that women better wear burqas in his presence. This is much better to read about than why French women don’t get fat.
January 6, 2012
This book introduced me to terms such as le regard, second degré and les fesses. It talked about the usage of tu versus vous, the importance of conversations, and why things like food, perfume and lingerie are significant to the French. The book also contains juicy bits about Carla Bruni and a few other contemporary figures. However, the book only focuses on a selected segment of the demographic, namely, the upper class white urban professionals aged 45 and above. Regardless of this shortcoming, I think it is a good read for those who have some familiarity with the French culture.
March 31, 2012
An uneven but interesting book. I enjoyed the chapters on diplomacy and politics best, but - as shown in the other comments - some people preferred a different emphasis. I'm a little puzzled why we are currently so interested in psyching out the French. Having lived there recently and also 40 years ago, my own observation is that they have joined the modern world. And I do have trouble with assigning broad traits to a whole country. Lots of Americans, lots of French, lots of different peoples.
January 6, 2016
Excellent. Well written, interesting cultural study of France through the prism of seduction, which seems to be a national pastime, at least among the better off classes and the intellectuals. Made me realize that I would never fit in if I moved to France. I'm just too blunt and don't have the gift of a good conversationalist. Plus I will never again wear high heels. But I have at least returned to wearing perfume. My Chanel #5 is no longer tucked away waiting for a special occasion. As Sciolino says, you never know who you might meet out there!
April 16, 2022
- The reason why the French can play the game of seduction is because the nation has an appetite for it: women dress to seduce, men are generous with their praise
- Seduction is about the presentation of the person, is the play of words (the ambiguous-ness of it)
- While American workplace is trained with sexual harassment prevention, just like all things American, it's done with putting lipsticks on a pig: simply telling people not do it, but don't tell women how to deal with it in a mature, feminine way like the French (reporting to HR is not a mature, feminine way. In addition, in practice it's much harder for the HR to handle if the boss is the one that's harrasing). Thus, the result is American women are far less mature than its French counterpart according to Edith Wharton
- Seduction is about integrity and truth telling - being non genuine would easily be seen through
- On lingerie: it's far more seductive to have something racy underneath something innocent, or something innocent underneath something racy (mini skirt) - but not both at the same time
- In France, men's appreciation on how a female dress, what female is dressing isn't just part of seduction, it also shows that the man is paying attention
- The decline of France simply can't be hidden: once cultural powerhouse has slowly been demolished into just an "interesting place"
- Seduction is about the presentation of the person, is the play of words (the ambiguous-ness of it)
- While American workplace is trained with sexual harassment prevention, just like all things American, it's done with putting lipsticks on a pig: simply telling people not do it, but don't tell women how to deal with it in a mature, feminine way like the French (reporting to HR is not a mature, feminine way. In addition, in practice it's much harder for the HR to handle if the boss is the one that's harrasing). Thus, the result is American women are far less mature than its French counterpart according to Edith Wharton
- Seduction is about integrity and truth telling - being non genuine would easily be seen through
- On lingerie: it's far more seductive to have something racy underneath something innocent, or something innocent underneath something racy (mini skirt) - but not both at the same time
- In France, men's appreciation on how a female dress, what female is dressing isn't just part of seduction, it also shows that the man is paying attention
- The decline of France simply can't be hidden: once cultural powerhouse has slowly been demolished into just an "interesting place"
December 27, 2019
Written as one journalist's search for and exploration of the main theme underlying and differentiating French culture from US culture, "La Seduction" is a heartfelt, reported tour and adventure through high-style French life.
The book delves into French customs regarding pleasure and the training of the senses, form over function, as well as the everyday sensual, delivering a well-balanced narrative with a generous smattering of cultural history, interviews, personal excursions and statistical information.
Readers follow Sciolino as she learns about the art of eating and actually tasting a carrot, stem to stern, as if for the first time. And, honest questions are raised about occasions where the pursuit of personal pleasure may go too far (from a US perspective)—cases where one person's pursuit of liberté may impinge upon another's fraternité.
Before doing business in France, taking a first-time trip to the continent or planning an extended stay along the French Riviera, read this book. Most of us may not be travelling in Sciolino's social circles, yet the text provides just enough information that a savvy traveller may feel more comfortable negotiating France—culturally.
The book delves into French customs regarding pleasure and the training of the senses, form over function, as well as the everyday sensual, delivering a well-balanced narrative with a generous smattering of cultural history, interviews, personal excursions and statistical information.
Readers follow Sciolino as she learns about the art of eating and actually tasting a carrot, stem to stern, as if for the first time. And, honest questions are raised about occasions where the pursuit of personal pleasure may go too far (from a US perspective)—cases where one person's pursuit of liberté may impinge upon another's fraternité.
Before doing business in France, taking a first-time trip to the continent or planning an extended stay along the French Riviera, read this book. Most of us may not be travelling in Sciolino's social circles, yet the text provides just enough information that a savvy traveller may feel more comfortable negotiating France—culturally.
December 9, 2021
This was an interesting but ultimately rather laborious read. Elaine Sciolino is certainly an authority on French culture, but this book centers too strongly on the elite in French society and provides a far too gentle critique of the country’s reckoning with immigrants and diversity. It’s clear to see that Sciolino is awful comfortable in the upper crust of France’s social class setup and her writing shows it.
Some highlights were the interviews with Guy Savoy and the rich imagery in which Sciolino recounts a visit to his family’s kitchen, and also the interview with the Versailles groundskeeper.
I would have appreciated a much more biting analysis of French culture. While Sciolino takes plenty of care to compare France’s culture with that of the United States, she constantly discounts her own viewpoint by deprecating her American-ness. I’m confused why this book had to center on the writer’s nationality at so many different points.
Some highlights were the interviews with Guy Savoy and the rich imagery in which Sciolino recounts a visit to his family’s kitchen, and also the interview with the Versailles groundskeeper.
I would have appreciated a much more biting analysis of French culture. While Sciolino takes plenty of care to compare France’s culture with that of the United States, she constantly discounts her own viewpoint by deprecating her American-ness. I’m confused why this book had to center on the writer’s nationality at so many different points.
December 31, 2025
I've had this book on my to-read list since 2011, saw it someone's house, and so vowed to track it down and finally read it. It's a well-written book by the former NY Times Paris chief about navigating France as an American. So much has happened since the book was written in 2011 (how the hell is that soon 15 years ago?) that parts of it are now history as much as present. Dominique Strauss-Kahn is discussed and pretty quickly fell due to news emerging of him raping a maid in New York. Politicians like Sarkozy are no longer in power, but even he is still in the news. The "Me, too" movement has blown through many areas since then. There's now the America First/MAGA moment. As someone who learned French in school and loved Paris as my first real trip abroad, I understand the enthusiasm and romanticism of the location. The book is very well researched and thoughtful, and makes you think what a version coming out today would say.
April 22, 2023
Elaine Sciolino has lived in France and been the Paris bureau chief of the NY times, so she definitely has some impressive credentials. This book is filled with vignettes about various people she has encountered in France and gives a small window into how exactly the French think and behave. I loved especially the sections about various French leaders and how they fared in the public opinion polls in France as well as in the US. However, where I think this book is a little weak is the overall premise of how the French use seduction in their lives. We're not just talking about sexual seduction, but more about the overall French charm in the way they speak, dress, and behave. I really enjoyed reading this and will look for more by this author but it felt more like a series of connected stories vs a compelling dissertation on French behavior.
September 19, 2018
The book started out really strong and I was enjoying, until about half way through. When the entire subject changed to French politics and the authors experience with the French elite was the central focus. I personally felt like she just wanted to write a book so people knew how many people she has met and the fabulous life she’s lived. I didn’t get anything about the French seduction from the second half of the book and at times (like other reviews have said), I felt like she wasn’t even sure herself what each chapter what about and just decided to write random stories. If she cut this book in half and kept the first chapters about seduction in France, I would have given the book at least a 4 rating.
August 1, 2022
Ms. Sciolino's book is 10 years old now, so perhaps becoming a bit dated. However, that does not prevent it from being an insightful and entertaining look at French culture and national personality. For those who looked at the book and thought that it might be a study of the romantic life of the French, fear not because there is a healthy and fascinating section devoted to this. However, there is much more also, including sections on how the French deploy charm in areas such as diplomacy, business, and daily interactions with one another. For anyone with an interest in French or other old-world country society, this is an excellent and readable book.
January 9, 2019
I enjoyed the first part of the book but then it was a struggle to finish it. I enjoyed learning about the French history and recent political leaders, and an important book about cultural differences I think travelers should understand. In the beginning I thought some of the advice on how to hold back a little and linger over the details was good for me.
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