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Shame Travels: A Family Lost, a Family Found
When she was a little girl, Jasvinder Sanghera's father told her about the village he came from, Kang Sabhu in rural Punjab. One day, he promised to take her there so she could meet her half-sister, Bachanu, who had stayed behind. But at the age of sixteen - as she so vividly related in her bestseller Shame - Jasvinder ran away from home to escape a forced marriage. Her parents disowned her. 'Shame travels...' her father told her. Although her mother took all her other daughters to meet the extended family in the Punjab, Jasvinder was never allowed to go. With her own daughter about to marry, Jasvinder decides to challenge thirty years of rejection by going to India herself. She wants to explore her roots and to see for herself the place her parents called home until the day they died. What Jasvinder finds in India and what she learns changes the way she sees the world, and has important lessons for all of us. SHAME TRAVELS is not only a gripping and revealing quest, but also an inspirational journey of the heart.
284 pages, Hardcover
Published July 7, 2011
26 people are currently reading
271 people want to read
About the author
Jasvinder Sanghera
14 books95 followersJasvinder Sanghera is an activist and advocate for women's rights who was born in Derby. She is the co-founder of Karma Nirvana, a community-based project where there are a group of refuge centers in the United Kingdom for South Asian women fleeing forced marriages. A victim of a forced marriage herself, she tells her story and those of other British victims in her novel "Shame", published by Hodder and Stoughton.
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Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews
May 25, 2012
Having read her earlier work i was drawn to this book to follow Jasvinder's life story. I feel her writing style is far superior in this work. Several points come to my attention. The whole issue of forced marriages and honour killings have been given much publicity in UK. Despite this, many British Asians hold on to v conservative views, right into the 2nd generation, eg Sunny, the writer's nephew with his chauvanist attitude towards women. It is also very sad to see that members of that Sikh community did not encourage thier children to advance in education, and paid more emphasis to marriage and traditional roles. In doing so they did not progress in social standing and financial status and limited options for thier children. Jasvinder is the only member of her family to obtain a degree, and that after much struggle.
Most importantly Jasvinder write of how her mother's attitude on the Sikh religion is so misguided that she felt it to be an oppressive religion and left the faith. I am glad despite being a convert, Jasvinder clarifies this point. The very basis of Sikhism is a caste free society, empowerment of women and service in society, ie sewa. Many of the restrictions imposed are man-made.
As a Malysian Sikh who once went to study in UK in the 1980's, I was very shocked by the attitude of the Sikh communities there. The Sikhs in Malaysia are a small but progressive community, well-repsected for thier acheivements. We practise our faith and traditions but have assimilated within this multi-cultural community. There is v little issue of caste and it is seldom brought up during nuptials. many Sikh women hold prominent positions in professional and coperate fields while juggling family life.
British Asians and Sikhs were v surprised that I had been allowed by my family to travel alone, far away from home to pursue my education, without fear that i would succumb to the evil influences of the West. What about marriage, wasnt there any concern on my parents part? I felt very misunderstood and judged. From my perspective, I met many young Asians at University who were finding thier own identities, away from thier family home for the 1st time. They had limited exposure to English people, let alone international students, so i was a misnomer to them. I could not be pigeon-holed as 'a typical Asian girl' nor 'a white girl'. Fortunately I did make a few close friends and we did learn from eaach other. Some have had the opportunity to visit Malaysia,and it has been a totally different experience for them. Their view on Asia had been one of India or Pakistan. In hindsight they have realised that the world is a much bigger place and with education and exposure we can replace old ideas with new ones.
Most importantly Jasvinder write of how her mother's attitude on the Sikh religion is so misguided that she felt it to be an oppressive religion and left the faith. I am glad despite being a convert, Jasvinder clarifies this point. The very basis of Sikhism is a caste free society, empowerment of women and service in society, ie sewa. Many of the restrictions imposed are man-made.
As a Malysian Sikh who once went to study in UK in the 1980's, I was very shocked by the attitude of the Sikh communities there. The Sikhs in Malaysia are a small but progressive community, well-repsected for thier acheivements. We practise our faith and traditions but have assimilated within this multi-cultural community. There is v little issue of caste and it is seldom brought up during nuptials. many Sikh women hold prominent positions in professional and coperate fields while juggling family life.
British Asians and Sikhs were v surprised that I had been allowed by my family to travel alone, far away from home to pursue my education, without fear that i would succumb to the evil influences of the West. What about marriage, wasnt there any concern on my parents part? I felt very misunderstood and judged. From my perspective, I met many young Asians at University who were finding thier own identities, away from thier family home for the 1st time. They had limited exposure to English people, let alone international students, so i was a misnomer to them. I could not be pigeon-holed as 'a typical Asian girl' nor 'a white girl'. Fortunately I did make a few close friends and we did learn from eaach other. Some have had the opportunity to visit Malaysia,and it has been a totally different experience for them. Their view on Asia had been one of India or Pakistan. In hindsight they have realised that the world is a much bigger place and with education and exposure we can replace old ideas with new ones.
January 17, 2025
Having read Shame and Daughters of Shame, I found this book to be repetitive with pages and pages repeating Jasvinder's story. I expected the book to be about honour killings in India, but I found it was more about Jasvinder's family who had disowned her and what they have been doing and what Jasvinder has heard through the grapevine. The things about Sunny (nephew) and Prakash's second husband were just too 'gossip-y' for my liking.
However, I am glad Jasvinder has found closure, made peace with her heritage, and found a sister who would accept her. However, I would say that as long as you accept yourself, it doesn't matter if anyone else accepts you or not. Be happy with your choices, and be proud of yourself.
However, I am glad Jasvinder has found closure, made peace with her heritage, and found a sister who would accept her. However, I would say that as long as you accept yourself, it doesn't matter if anyone else accepts you or not. Be happy with your choices, and be proud of yourself.
August 23, 2023
I read the first and it was horrifying, and I applaud Jaswinder Sanghera for coming out into the public with this story.
The second, again, highlighted the awfulness of these forced marriages, and honour crimes.
This, the third, felt a little repetitive in places.
I know it is her own story, however, there wasn't much new in in, apart from the travelogue to India, and her amazement that Indians in India are more progressive than their NRI counterparts.
A sad story in many ways, but good to see she got some sort of closure.
The second, again, highlighted the awfulness of these forced marriages, and honour crimes.
This, the third, felt a little repetitive in places.
I know it is her own story, however, there wasn't much new in in, apart from the travelogue to India, and her amazement that Indians in India are more progressive than their NRI counterparts.
A sad story in many ways, but good to see she got some sort of closure.
October 16, 2017
After reading Daughters of Shame I got hold of this book to read more about Jasvinder's experiences. In some ways this book meant more as it's more about her personal story. It's sad that it's only at this point in her life she's coming to terms with what happened to her, and only now reaching out to the relatives back in India. Her eldest daughter is planning to marry and wants a full on Asian wedding. Jasvinder decides to go to India to see if she can track down her half sister from her father's first marriage - the eldest daughter who was never brought across to the UK. Her parents have now passed on, but they would never go to India with her, even when they'd made half-half reconnections with her, as they said 'shame travels'. The 'shame' being that at fifteen Jasvinder disobeyed her parents in refusing to marry the man they'd picked for her, and to escape this fate ran away from home. Her parents and sisters disowned her at this point and she was excluded from all family events and news, which has obviously effected her over the decades.
She expects to be snubs by everyone in India whom she tells her story to, but instead people are far more understanding and actually surprised. Their attitude is that she was brought up in the UK, therefore of course she would want more freedoms. I don't think this is to say that everything's fine in India - she mentions girls kidnapped from the UK and locked up in rural villages in India until they get married, so obviously not everyone is so forward thinking. But whilst people who never went away perhaps have seen the world move on, those who emmigrated have a fixed idea of India in their minds from when they left and desperately cling on to it. Although having read her descriptions of what went on in her own family, I do wonder how much was a cultural and religious thing (certainly factors) but how much the power struggles and personalities of the individuals came in to play. Families can be strange beasts and siblings have the capacity to be really nasty sometimes, especially if they're playing off parents' favouritisms. So it is also a really sad story of a pretty messed up family at times.
But this trip does bring her some eureka moments, and realisation of what was to blame and what certainly wasn't. She also gets to see the place where her father grew up, and reach out to relatives who stayed behind in India.
She expects to be snubs by everyone in India whom she tells her story to, but instead people are far more understanding and actually surprised. Their attitude is that she was brought up in the UK, therefore of course she would want more freedoms. I don't think this is to say that everything's fine in India - she mentions girls kidnapped from the UK and locked up in rural villages in India until they get married, so obviously not everyone is so forward thinking. But whilst people who never went away perhaps have seen the world move on, those who emmigrated have a fixed idea of India in their minds from when they left and desperately cling on to it. Although having read her descriptions of what went on in her own family, I do wonder how much was a cultural and religious thing (certainly factors) but how much the power struggles and personalities of the individuals came in to play. Families can be strange beasts and siblings have the capacity to be really nasty sometimes, especially if they're playing off parents' favouritisms. So it is also a really sad story of a pretty messed up family at times.
But this trip does bring her some eureka moments, and realisation of what was to blame and what certainly wasn't. She also gets to see the place where her father grew up, and reach out to relatives who stayed behind in India.
August 27, 2012
After reading Shame, Jasvinder's first memoir about her life, and then reading Daughter's of Shame where she tells about some of the women, and men she has helped in her service Karma Nirvana I was really excited to read an update about her life now in Shame Travels.
After being disowned by her family for twenty nine years Jasvinder is finally at a place where she feels comfortable enough to travel to India for the first time in her life. She's nervous, and scared because her father told her when she asked to accompany him on his last journey to India, "shame travels."
With her father's words ringing in her ears she takes this journey to India with a close friend, and her future son in law. She visits all the places she had only ever heard about in stories from her parents, and sets off to meet the sister that was left behind when her family immigrated to the UK.
After being disowned by her family for twenty nine years Jasvinder is finally at a place where she feels comfortable enough to travel to India for the first time in her life. She's nervous, and scared because her father told her when she asked to accompany him on his last journey to India, "shame travels."
With her father's words ringing in her ears she takes this journey to India with a close friend, and her future son in law. She visits all the places she had only ever heard about in stories from her parents, and sets off to meet the sister that was left behind when her family immigrated to the UK.
February 16, 2024
This was the third book that I got to read from Jasvinder Sanghera's clan, and I loved it immensely.
It was heartwarming to read that Jasvinder finally traveled to India to explore her Indian roots and also got to interact with her stepsister. Her story made me cry because all her life she was denied love, affection, care, and kindness when she deserved all of it from day one.
Her family disowned her because she chose to live life on her own terms. She didn't allow her parents to dictate the rules for her. My heart goes out to her because as a grown-up woman she has endured a lot while all she was looking for was validation, love, and acceptance from her family.
I am glad that she visited Harmandir Sahib Gurudwara and came across the real meaning of the Gurbani verses which her mother preached otherwise. I am glad that she was able to break that chain of inane thoughts that were never supported by any of the Sikh Gurus.
I am equally proud of the fact that after returning to the UK, she kept her name Jasvinder Kaur Kang, and took a part of her father's identity with her. I can see she has a heart of gold and loves her parents despite what they made her go through.
If I am ever traveling to the UK, I would like to meet and hug her tightly. She seems to be the person who I should have known all my life, but God made me come across her work at the right time. I love her for who she is.
It was heartwarming to read that Jasvinder finally traveled to India to explore her Indian roots and also got to interact with her stepsister. Her story made me cry because all her life she was denied love, affection, care, and kindness when she deserved all of it from day one.
Her family disowned her because she chose to live life on her own terms. She didn't allow her parents to dictate the rules for her. My heart goes out to her because as a grown-up woman she has endured a lot while all she was looking for was validation, love, and acceptance from her family.
I am glad that she visited Harmandir Sahib Gurudwara and came across the real meaning of the Gurbani verses which her mother preached otherwise. I am glad that she was able to break that chain of inane thoughts that were never supported by any of the Sikh Gurus.
I am equally proud of the fact that after returning to the UK, she kept her name Jasvinder Kaur Kang, and took a part of her father's identity with her. I can see she has a heart of gold and loves her parents despite what they made her go through.
If I am ever traveling to the UK, I would like to meet and hug her tightly. She seems to be the person who I should have known all my life, but God made me come across her work at the right time. I love her for who she is.
February 13, 2022
An insightful read, Jasvinder writes with honesty and this book gives you a glimpse into different cultures.
I enjoyed reading about Jasvinder's travel reuniting with her sister but was left wondering if the story could have been elaborated on further possibly with more details on the wedding and relatives coming to the uk to visit.
I enjoyed reading about Jasvinder's travel reuniting with her sister but was left wondering if the story could have been elaborated on further possibly with more details on the wedding and relatives coming to the uk to visit.
July 16, 2019
Lovely read!
July 7, 2023
Another great read
Loved reading your book Jasvinder. Well done to you and I am so pleased your sister welcomed you into her family.
Loved reading your book Jasvinder. Well done to you and I am so pleased your sister welcomed you into her family.
July 25, 2025
Repetitive and just goes over most of what jas has already spoke about in the first two books. The writing style is better tho
December 31, 2011
Shame Travels is the 3rd book by Jasvinder Sanghera, a sequel to her first two books, Shame and Daughters of Shame. Jasvinder Sanghera is an activist and advocate for women's rights who was born in Derby. She is the co-founder of Karma Nirvana, a community-based project where several refuge centres across the United Kingdom serve as safe-housing for South Asian women fleeing forced marriages. This book details her journey to India, to the village in rural Punjab where her father was born, and to her mother’s fabled Golden Temple at Amritsar. This was a journey she had hoped to make with her father, but, after fleeing at fifteen to escape a forced marriage, her family disowned her, citing the shame she brought to them, and, even after a reconciliation of sorts, her father refused to let her accompany him, telling her “Shame travels”. Challenging 30 years of rejection by her family in the UK, Jasvinder decides to find out if she has any family who won’t reject her. She finds her Punjab family, makes discoveries about the lies her UK family has told, learns about the Sikh religion, and is ultimately vindicated for her youthful actions. This book is more than just a memoir: it is also powerfully enlightening about forced marriage and honour-based crimes in the UK. This book is inspirational, uplifting and revelatory: quite an eye-opener. And for those who don’t usually bother with the appendix, this is certainly a sobering one: details of known honour killings in the UK. I found one observation particularly insightful: “…sometimes survivors can’t forgive their families, because the person who could have forgiven them no longer exists.”
June 25, 2015
Absolutely brilliant and inspiring! This book is a non-fiction about Jasvinder, one of the top 100 inspirational women in the world and a co-founder of Karma Nirvana, a national project that supports both men and women affected by honour-based crimes and forced marriages. I was quite shocked that honour-based crimes still exist in a developed country like UK and never knew that a helpline existed before reading this book.
To add on, I really liked the fact that the author illustrated about Sikhism as I was always interested to understand this religion and its teachings in depth. The holy Guru Granth Sahib provides guidance on ways to lead your life as well as what you can do with your life (I would definitely love a copy in English). As far as the caste system is concerned, Guru-ji wanted to abolish the caste system from the world and that was the reason behind the four gates given to the Golden Temple in Amritsar. However, values and customs practiced by Asian families in the UK contradict to these teachings and were probably just caused by frozen beliefs originated from India.
Above all that, I really loved and admired Jasvinder's courage for being different and working hard to help other victims selflessly. Clearly this is not an easy job as most of us would opt for a comfortable corporate environment to make a living.
A must read for everyone because life is not just about making a living, it’s also about making others live.
To add on, I really liked the fact that the author illustrated about Sikhism as I was always interested to understand this religion and its teachings in depth. The holy Guru Granth Sahib provides guidance on ways to lead your life as well as what you can do with your life (I would definitely love a copy in English). As far as the caste system is concerned, Guru-ji wanted to abolish the caste system from the world and that was the reason behind the four gates given to the Golden Temple in Amritsar. However, values and customs practiced by Asian families in the UK contradict to these teachings and were probably just caused by frozen beliefs originated from India.
Above all that, I really loved and admired Jasvinder's courage for being different and working hard to help other victims selflessly. Clearly this is not an easy job as most of us would opt for a comfortable corporate environment to make a living.
A must read for everyone because life is not just about making a living, it’s also about making others live.
December 6, 2014
This book definitely opens up the reality of honour killings and Forced Marriage Unit. It was interesting that the writer provided detailed explanation of the reality in India, at her village, Kang Shabu and as well as the condition of living there.
Rated this book 2 star because I would have very much wanted to know what exactly happened during her daughter's wedding, whether her sister, Bachanu turned up for her wedding and helped her with the preparations. I also felt that too much reiteration was done on why her late-dad did not want her to travel India. My interest only grew when she met her aunt and uncle at Kang Shabu, whether they accept or diswown her, like how her parents did. Definitely, my interest aroused of her meeting with her sister, Bachanu.
Rated this book 2 star because I would have very much wanted to know what exactly happened during her daughter's wedding, whether her sister, Bachanu turned up for her wedding and helped her with the preparations. I also felt that too much reiteration was done on why her late-dad did not want her to travel India. My interest only grew when she met her aunt and uncle at Kang Shabu, whether they accept or diswown her, like how her parents did. Definitely, my interest aroused of her meeting with her sister, Bachanu.
February 8, 2014
Very moving.
I'm not Indian, Sikh or from the UK, but many aspects of Jasvinder's relationship with her mother resonated with me, as did the 'frozen values' to some extent.
The self-imposed 'shame' that families adopt and the way that certain cultural contexts also react to that 'shame' is almost cannibalistic - why would people CHOOSE to treat their own that way? Why buy into it? The age old question. Also, in part of my own cultural context, the shame does not extend back to that country of origin, where my relatives don't see this apparent 'shame'.
I'm keen to read Sanghera's other books on the topic of arranged marriages and their consequences.
I'm not Indian, Sikh or from the UK, but many aspects of Jasvinder's relationship with her mother resonated with me, as did the 'frozen values' to some extent.
The self-imposed 'shame' that families adopt and the way that certain cultural contexts also react to that 'shame' is almost cannibalistic - why would people CHOOSE to treat their own that way? Why buy into it? The age old question. Also, in part of my own cultural context, the shame does not extend back to that country of origin, where my relatives don't see this apparent 'shame'.
I'm keen to read Sanghera's other books on the topic of arranged marriages and their consequences.
October 31, 2011
Overall - Was a good book .. Didn't like certain parts in the book, as it made me feel that Jasvinder was a selfish person, but then again .. it was more about the true life of most asian girls .. being forced into arrange marriage, most of the time with mans elder to them .. and i'm pretty much there are still girls facing the same situation jasvinder faced ..
August 8, 2015
Reads like someone's personal diary, and not in a good way. The issue with Sanghera's tale about her estrangement from her family is that its just too mundane. Her ordinary writing skills don't help. What should have been a 500-word article gets stretched into a 300-page borefest. And what's with the tacky B&W pictures littered throughout the book?
August 29, 2016
I don't know why this book, Shame Travels doesn't show up on the Author's list. I commented on this book in my review on Daughter's of Shame.
June 16, 2012
a book on self journey.
the day we do something which people label as "attention seeker" is actually the day we want nobody to knows what we are doing.
and when it cause shames, we realise it only travels one direction while the world travel in all direction.
the day we do something which people label as "attention seeker" is actually the day we want nobody to knows what we are doing.
and when it cause shames, we realise it only travels one direction while the world travel in all direction.
May 27, 2012
Great book, very informative and yet another example of religion being manipulated to suit individuals own unpleasant views. However, it is eventually a very uplifting and informative book and one I would highly recommend
June 13, 2012
An excellent read. Having read the first two books by Jasvinder Sanghera I was excited to see this one - and I wasn't disappointed.
March 2, 2016
As with her other books, Jasvinder is so honest about her own journey. She is one of my heroes in life. I marvel at her courage, insight, and dedication.
February 2, 2014
Another great book. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this, following on from Shame... Makes you realise being an Australian is awesome. Looking forward to reading Daughters of Shame
June 8, 2015
Poignant and authentic
January 12, 2012
Interesting and eye-opening to how UK girls are brought to India and forced into marriage
August 17, 2017
I registered a book at BookCrossing.com!
http://www.BookCrossing.com/journal/14682418
http://www.BookCrossing.com/journal/14682418
Displaying 1 - 25 of 25 reviews