If I Should Speak

If I Should Speak #1

by Umm Zakiyyah

The author promises to revolutionize story telling in this powerful story about three college students, one Christian and the others Muslim, who find themselves unlikely roommates at a small, private American university. Tamika, the main character of this novel, is a sophomore in college who dreams of becoming a famous singer. After a fight with her roommate, she is forced to move out of her room and ends up living with two Muslims, one who is religious, while the other is becoming discontented with the religion. Tamika is immediately drawn to Durrah, the latter, who shares her love for singing. Durrah is emerging as a successful model and singer in her own right and enjoys a growing level of prominence in her career, which has earned her many admirers, Tamika being one. Captivated by Durrah's magnetic personality, breathtaking beauty, and powerful singing voice, Tamika has found both a friend and mentor in life. As the seeds of friendship are sown between them, the doors of fame are beginning to open for Tamika. But she is unprepared for the one obstacle that stands in her way to success...

Genres: Islam, Fiction, Religion, Novels, Muslims, Faith, Spirituality

200 pages, Nook

First published January 1, 2001

About the author

Daughter of American converts to Islam, Umm Zakiyyah writes about the interfaith struggles of Muslims and Christians, and the intercultural, spiritual, and moral struggles of Muslims in America.

Umm Zakiyyah’s work has earned praise from writers, professors, and filmmakers and has been translated into multiple languages. In 2008, Umm Zakiyyah was awarded the Muslim Girls Unity Conference Distinguished Authors Award. Umm Zakiyyah also writes under her birth name Ruby Moore.

Visit uzauthor.com

Reviews

[Noor · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was initially going to give this a lower rating, but the unexpected twist at the end redeemed it slightly.

This is a spiritual story of three roommates: one is Christian, one is a practising Muslim and the third is a non-practicing Muslim. Tamika, the Christian roommate, has a college assignment to research a religion and do a presentation on it. She chooses Islam, and this forms the premise for the rest of the story.

Here are my main issues with the book. Firstly, in quite a few instances, I felt as though the dialogue and happenings were quite juvenile. But the main drawback for me was that it was filled with a little too much of in-your-face kind of da'wah. I really don't like this style because often it only succeeds in pushing people away. I just didn't find it realistic. I can't imagine such a story taking place without the non-Muslim characters getting offended by some of the things said in the book.

Tamika has very little conviction in her own beliefs, is not able to defend any of them and is highly impressionable. *Mini spoiler* She starts questioning her faith pretty early on. If it was so easy for her to forsake her own faith, then maybe it would also be easy for her to sway back the other way (hence why I found it unrealistic).

I also didn't always agree with Aminah's (practicing Muslim) rationale for explaining some tenets of the Islamic faith; often I found her quite dogmatic and inflexible to differences of opinion. I'll give one example. There is a part of the book where she is talking about polygamy in Islam. She describes it in the following terms:

"What if I had a problem praying? Should we not remove that requirement from the religion?"

To compare polygamy to prayer is so misleading. One is a fundamental tenet of the faith, the other is something that is allowed but not even a sunnah (recommendation), and is actually cautioned in terms of not treating more than one wife fairly.

This is just one example, but there were a lot of other black and white explanations that I didn't agree with. Furthermore, she was overly judgemental on her non-practising Muslim friend Durrah, which if anything probably pushed her further away from her faith. I firmly believe that the right way to preach to others is through showing love, not through instilling fear, and also through one's own actions.

So I was a little disappointed with this book, but as mentioned, the ending was a surprise and was quite insightful. I was expecting the characters to reflect more upon what happened at the end, but this didn't happen. This being said, there is a huge shortage of Muslim literature out there, so I do laud the author for her efforts.

[Mashael · Rating 5 out of 5]

هذا الكتاب جدا رائع ، يتحدث عن فتاة مسيحية رماها القدر لتعيش بين فتاتين مسلمتين وكيف أنها تتعرف على الإسلام من خلالهما . نعيش في جنبات هذا الكتاب صراع هذه الفتاة بين الديانتين. برعت الكاتبة في التحدث عن الإسلام وأساسيته وكيفية الرد على غير المسلمين من الضالين ،بطريقة متمكنة وحذقة جدا . الأروع كيفية تصويرها لفتاتين مسلمتين إحداهما مسلمة بحق والأخرى اسما وليس فعلا. لكل مسلم ومسلمة ولكل شخص يريد الدعوة إلى الله ، أنصح بقراءة هذا الكتاب وإهدائه لغير المسلمين . أريد أيضا إضافة أن الكاتبة أظهرت الشخصية المسلمة بطريقة الصحيحة حيث أن معظم المسلمين والذين من المفروض أن يكونوا قدوة لغيرهم للأسف يشوهون صورة الإسلام بتصرفاتهم المهينة وبالطبع الغير مسلمين كيف لهم أن يعرفوا أن هؤلاء مسلمين اسما وأن الإسلام أسمى من تصرفاتهم المشينة. وأنه هو دين التسامح والتوازن وهو منهج لأدق التفاصيل في حياة الإنسان. وأن الإسلام هو الجواب الشافي لكل الأسئلة المحيرة وهو الدين المقنع .

[Rizwana · Rating 5 out of 5]

I feel truly inspired.

I thought, like many have before me I'm sure, that this starts off a little amateurish and the writing could have had more depth, but this soon transforms into one of those books that I had to stay up way into the night to finish!! And it really was worth it!

The three main characters are truly delightful to get to know, and strangely you find yourself empathising with all of them at the same time even thoough they disagree with each other. Really clever.

[AB · Rating 5 out of 5]

I never thought that this book would be so good. I really liked it.
The author stated her opinions strongly and in most of the times they were convincing. The story was also interesting and fast-paced.
I strongly recommend this book for the muslim youth.

[Rukky · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was a good book.

Gave me a bit of a headache at how ridiculous some of the religious arguments were, but at the same time, it was inspiring. But it's also really preachy, and I found myself skimming at times.

I also guessed how it was going to end which disappointed me. I also wish we got to learn more about Aminah, because beyond answering Tamika's questions on Islam and being "preachy" in a sense, she really wasn't a character until the end of the book. I wanted to see more of her. I also wish things happened differently with Dee, but oh well.

More like 2.5, but it was still inspirational.

[Umm Thameenah · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book detailing the realities often faced between people of different races and religions, though seldom expressed aloud.

'If I Should Speak' captures its readers, taking them on a journey of one character's discovery; heart-felt hope, sadness and finally joy.

A heart-rending and talented piece of work.

[Noorah · Rating 5 out of 5]

interesting, it's been a while since I read a book that I couldn't put it down !!
I Liked the book.
The ending was very touching.
it's great to read such a novel taking about Islam, it describes the how many people see Islam, and the struggle many people go through before being Muslim and somehow " Dee's or Durrah's " personality is just like - sadly- many Muslims these day.

[Heather · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book more. Muslim fiction - with plotlines where women aren't abused victims, in need of saving from "evil brown men" - is SO hard to find. There were just too many issues, though.

1) There was a LOT of telling, no showing.

2) Most characters were very underdeveloped, with large chunks of time and events just glossed over. It also made the book feel rushed.

3) I am Muslim, but I found it very preachy, as did other reviewers. I enjoy Islamic lectures and such like anyone else, but it felt a bit unrealistic and seemed like it would turn off any non-Muslim readers. The author's pov on subjects such as music and clothing that was anything but solid colors bled through and left no impression of the fact that there are actually differing opinions among scholars on a lot of matters.

4) I have never read a book with so many people who "force a laugh/chuckle" IN MY LIFE. Almost every conversation, someone was doing it. It was very annoying!

The biggest issue of all, though, was a pervasive "fire and brimstone" attitude towards Allah and Islam. Constantly talking about fearing Allah and the horrors of the hellfire, but very little which showed a loving, compassionate, and merciful perception of the nature of Allah, which we see so often in Qur'an itself. As Muslims we should be aware and understand the descriptions of Hellfire in Qur'an, but we shouldn't portray Islam as a religion based almost solely on fear of Allah and eternal punishment, or pressure people into Islam by capitalizing on that same fear.

Does the author have potential? Absolutely! She really needs to get with some writing groups or take some writing seminars, though, because plot, character development, and "show, don't tell" all need some work.

[Ammena · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great book that I would highly recommend... even as part of the trilogy... Its been awhile since I read this but I do remember fondly enjoying it. I cried in places, because of events and because of the comparison I was making to my own life as a convert. There were times that I had to remind myself that everyone has a differing opinion of Islam and the things they do upon converting are very much different. Just because one person dives right into things doesnt mean they are correct and will make them a better person. Only God knows...

Great book though

[Zainab · Rating 2 out of 5]

I so wanted to be able to rate this book higher, since it's a good attempt Islamic Fiction and we need more of those.

However, the writing style is very annoying to say the least. I feel that the characters do reflect the struggles that many Muslims have to deal with. The plot itself is alright, but I just couldn't get over the 'in-your-face' preachiness. Furthermore, I feel that the author could have done a better job at explaning some the islamic issues that the characters deal with, rather than just shoving it in your face.

[TheReadingNest · Rating 4 out of 5]

Je ne sais pas trop comment noter ce roman
Sur la partie spirituelle, je mettrais vraiment un 5/5. C’est un rappel magnifique, poignant, bouleversant sur la magnificence qui est l’Islam. C’est une lecture parfaite lors d’une baisse de foi par exemple.
Mais sur la partie roman, sur l’histoire, la manière dont les perso sont décrits, je suis moins convaincue. Après je pense que c’est bcp lié a la traduction beaucoup trop littérale (là j’aurais mis 2.5/5)

[Kelley · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ugh. We need more Muslim fiction so props for that. But it's a barely veiled dawah pamphlet with an unrealistic conversion story. I just didn't believe the characters. But it's awesome this sister is writing. She's a trailblazer mashallah. And it's gotta be hard to write conservative Muslim fiction at that. So it's appreciated.

[TeAndrea · Rating 5 out of 5]

wow i would never have thought it would end like that

[Ahmad · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful & very touching story about a Christian woman that becomes friends with 2 Muslim women. I highly recommend it to both Muslims & Non-muslims who wish to have a better idea about Islam.

[Asma · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a captivating book. It was hard to put down. There's so much to learn from this book both for Muslims and non-Muslims. Looking forward to the next book in the series.

[Tucker · Rating 1 out of 5]

Someone was having a yardsale and was giving away a free copy. One of the blurbs on the back said this is "a refreshing exploration of the unavoidable interaction between Muslims and Christians," so I picked it up. Now, having read it, I don't think it is an "exploration" of anything interesting at all. It is a pre-fab argument of the sort that one finds in religious tracts, designed to guilt and terrify someone into joining a religion, couched in fictional dialogue so that it can be called a "novel," but lacking the depth that makes a novel good.

On the first page, the main character, Tamika, is in full throes of a hissy fit because her college roommate hasn't vacuumed their dormitory floor. The lack of inherent drama in this situation (except, perhaps, to a "tween" audience) made it difficult to continue to Page 2. However, I was rewarded for doing so, because when the roommate comes home, she and Tamika get into a violent altercation and actually draw blood, which was kind of cool.

The racially biased student mediators allow the white roommate to stay in her room, but Tamika, who is black, is asked to move out. The college reassigns Tamika to a different room that already has two young women in it. Despite Tamika's interest in pursuing a major in Religion, she is shocked--shocked--that her new roommates are Muslim. How very strange! However will she adjust to the ways of these odd human creatures?

The two women begin proselytizing at once to Tamika. First, they point out a few shreds of Bible verses that highlight theological puzzles about whether Jesus can really be God, or why God would want to become human and therefore limit his power. (No attention is given to historical attempts to reconcile these Bible verses with Christian theological dogma. These are, after all, nineteen-year-olds.) So Tamika is instantly convinced that Christianity is false, as evidenced internally by the Christian Bible itself. Besides, her roommates point out that it's ridiculous to believe that the Bible was written by God just because you're supposed to believe it. (No comment on whether the same caveat applies to their assumption that the Qur'an is divine.)

They also claim that everyone has a fitrah, a nature, that instantly recognizes the truth when the truth is correctly presented. If someone describes the basic principles of Islam to you, then you know it's true (because of your fitrah), and you must convert, or else you are destined for hell. Now, this claim is also recognizable from evangelical Christianity. American Christians don't use the word fitrah, but it's the same claim: I've just told you Jesus is Lord, so now you know it, you can see it inside yourself, and you are obstinate and hellbound if you don't accept it. Tamika's character comes from a born-again Christian family. She has undoubtedly heard the argument from a Christian perspective before her roommates present it from a Muslim perspective. It would have been interesting to have a novel in which someone grapples with pressure from different camps, a dilemma in which family says "You know in your heart that Jesus is God" while peers say "You know in your heart that Allah is God." It would be interesting to watch the character's self-examination of whether there really is such a thing as innate knowledge of theological truth, whether she personally has it, whether others who claim to have it really do have it, and, if she can't scry it in her own crystal ball, what other method can she use to decide between Jesus and Allah? That would be a more interesting question. Well, that is not this book. In this book, after Tamika's roommates essentially threaten her with hell and give her a guilt-ridden interpretation of her love of music and her uncovered face, she instantly caves and agrees: Yes. I do know all of that in my heart. It makes perfect sense. Why she knows Islam in her heart, and doesn't know Christianity in her heart, is a little odd given that she was raised as a Christian. No explanation is provided within the bounds of normal character development. Instead, Tamika serves as a generic illustration of discovering the truth of Islam inside oneself. She doesn't feel like a specific, complex person who comes from a Christian worldview or culture.

Meanwhile, something horrible is happening. One of the Muslim roommates isn't as devout as she has been raised to be. She likes to sing. She wants Tamika to write songs for her. She's already sent a tape to a producer and is going to sing in public. In the space of about one year after going to college, she has also stopped praying. Clearly... This character cannot be allowed to live. She must die. Immediately. In a car accident. While out at her big performance. Before she disgraces or renounces Islam entirely, while there is still hope that she may be spared from hell.

Tamika may be allowed to live, but she must be roughed up in that same car accident and must convert to Islam from her hospital bed through tears, and she must forever give up singing and songwriting because it is plainly immodest and leads to evil. Then she must stand in front of her religion class in college wearing a hijab and announce that she has become a Muslim. Only then will the cosmic balance be restored.

[Lu · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am so dearly grateful I stumbled upon this book.

As I started this, I didn't know if I'll like it. But OH MY GOODNESS.

I went into different people's shoes, I witnessed the feelings of a non-muslim finding their path to Allah swt. I also witnessed losing faith and being carried away from the looks and desires of this silly life, and that just got to me. Truly got to me, I dont have one single regret reading this. I cried at the end(:

This is really touching, realistic & just purely amazing not just as a novel but as a reminder to all of us.

[Thea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tamika Douglass, seorang mahasiswa Amerika yang cerdas dan berbakat seni, telah lama dihantui pertanyaan tentang Tuhan sebagaimana yang diyakini agamanya.
Suatu hari, Tamika bertengkar dengan teman sekamarnya, Jennifer karena masalah kecil. Masalah itu tidak cepat selesai malah semakin membesar. Akhirnya, ia harus pindah kamar.
Saat itu, Tamika sedang mendapat tugas untuk melakukan penelitian tentang agama di dunia. Ia mengambil kesempatan pindah kamar untuk melakukan penelitian itu. Kebetulan teman-teman kamar barunya, Dee Gonzales dan Aminah Ali adalah seorang muslim.
Selama melakukan penelitian, Tamika selalu mendapat goncangan batin. Ia menjadi ragu terhadap agama yang diyakininya sekarang. Aminah, seorang muslim yang taat selalu dapat menjawab pertanyaan tentang Tuhan yang telah lama menghantuinya berdasarkan Al-Qur'an dan Hadist.
Suatu hari, Tamika dan Dee mengalami kecelakaan ketika mereka pulang dari pesta. Sungguh berita duka, Dee harus meninggal dunia, sedangkan Tamika harus dirawat di rumah sakit untuk beberapa hari.
Setelah pulang dari rumah sakit, Tamika langsung menemui Aminah. Ia meminta Aminah untuk menuntunnya melafalkan kalimat syahadat.
Hari Senin setelah Tamika masuk Islam, ia mempresentasikan hasil penelitiannya di depan dosen pembimbing, Dr. Sanders dan teman-temanya. Ia juga mengundang Aminah untuk datang.
Semua yang melihatnya saat itu, terkesan atas presentasinya yang menyeluruh dan mendalam mengenai Islam. Dia mengungkapkan bahwa dirinya telah memeluk agama Islam.

[Krista · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ahh, what to say? Throughout the book, there were grammar, spelling, and punctuation mistakes. I wondered if the author was not a native English speaker, but when I looked it up, I found she was, and also had studied education and ELL. I guess I have to conclude that she had a really bad editor. There were so many mistakes, however, that it detracted from the story.

As for the story, I thought that it was simplistic, condescending, and sometimes misleading about Christianity. I found it surprising that Tamika would be led to convert by people who treated her the way they did. I was surprised by the reviews on the back of the book, especially by the advisor to Nixon. He says he's read, written, and edited many books, and he thought the writing was brilliant? Does he only read Harlequin romances? Is his editing better than the editing in this book? (Although he did work for Nixon, so maybe his whole review was a lie.)

This is a genre that is needed, but I hope the quality of the writing and plots improve, and that other books in the genre aren't so condescending to people of other religions. I don't think that many people will convert because others tell them that their religion is stupid, and the people who practice it are ignorant. This attitude will also not lead to interfaith understanding, especially between Islam and Christianity, the two proselytizing religions who think their way is the only way.

[Husam Alshloul · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book as part of my academic course in Eng102 in Islamic online university.
The story is very nice, great picture of a strong Muslim, a weaker Muslim, and a christian learning about Islam and reflecting the Islamic knowledge and logic on what she grew up to know as a Christian.

This book surely will help the Muslim brothers and sisters living in non Muslim countries and are asked about some religious issues and are dealing all day with Christians. It gives you an idea on where to start and the basics of where Islam differs from Christianity.

I recommend everyone to read this. It is simple yet very packed with great knowledge

May Allah SubhanahuWaTaala bless our sister Umm Zakiyyah for this great effort.
Looking forward to reading the sequal (a voice) inshallah.

[Lily Jervis · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's hard to know how to rate this. I don't want to give a low number to a book that I couldn't stop reading, and occupied so much of my thoughts when I wasn't reading it. I could't concentrate on anything else for three days except the message in the book. Which is not to say that I always agreed with it. There was too much of the 'it's true because it's true, and if you just look at it, you will see that it is true' method of proving a point. There was too much preaching about the hellfire reward that awaits anybody who does not listen, and I didn't like that. I am not a fan of conversion through threats.

And PS, Tamika- Catholics are Christians.

[Jamila El-Jabry · Rating 5 out of 5]

If I should speak by Umm zakiyyah – when I first started reading it, it was interesting finding out about the characters and personality but then I found myself skipping paragraphs because it was all explanation of Islam and Christianity. I am sure most converts and reverts would relate to many of the comparison and how it’s perceived but I found myself passing through the chapters. They only highlight is getting to know Dee at the end and her struggle with Islam and the climax at the end that brought me to tears and question my own self.

[Rora · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is great for people who want to know more about Islam. It gives some basics of Islam that is impeded into a good story. So if you want to know a little about Islam and have no time to do an extensive research read this book.

It a create Islamic fiction which tells the story of a young women and how she discovered Islam and converted to it.

The book is really interesting.

[Alyaa-a.n · Rating 5 out of 5]

the book tells how non-muslims where influenced by the stereotypes that came out on islam . it gives you a chance to learn how to speak about islam in a convincing and a simplified way , without placing pressure on the other side . i loved everything about this book , the writing style , the characters and the sequence of events . its a must read book for everyone :D

[Sara Al-Dawood · Rating 4 out of 5]

I learned how to answer some questions about Islam if I'm asked by a non-muslim. However, I didn't like the end, it would be better if Tamika converted to Islam before the death of Dee. In general, I recommend this book to every non-muslim who is planning to convert to the great religion "ISLAM" <3

[Umm · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the best muslim novel that I have read. The author writes really well and it will teach both muslims and non muslims a lot about Islam without overwhelming them. The story is about 3 girls in College and how they navigate through their spiritual journeys.

This book is part of a trilogy.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book should be read by anyone. It perfectly depicts what a college student goes through emotionally whether the religious parts apply to her or not. I read this book in 3 hours!!! While at work :) That is how good this book is!!!!

[Rehan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really inspirational story of one woman's conversion.

[Hena · Rating 5 out of 5]

excellent book! loved it..
my middle school teacher wrote it =)

[Rajabenchek · Rating 5 out of 5]

an excellent book revealing the struggles anyone might face in his way to a change wether to the best or worst.I m sure you won't let go of it once you hold it.