Bringing Metal to the Children: The Complete Berserker's Guide to World Tour Domination

by Zakk Wylde, Eric Hendrikx

Bringing Metal to the Children is a handbook to all things Heavy Metal, brought to you by insane prankster and guitar god Zakk Wylde, of Ozzy Osbourne and Black Label Society fame.This “Complete Berzerker's Guide to World Tour Domination” provides tips and tests for the True Rocker—as wild man Zakk Wylde invites all who dare onto the tour bus for brain-bursting tales of glory, debauchery, and general mayhem in the dangerous metal universe.

Genres: Music, Nonfiction, Biography, Autobiography, Rock N Roll, Biography Memoir

320 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 1, 2011

Reviews

[Marni Berg · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ive seen some other reviews saying this book was for men because of all the "toilet humor" in it, I happen to be a woman who loves BLS and "toilet humor" :) it was a fun read that made me laugh outloud. Exactly what I expected. Zakk way to GIFD! SDMF

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very juvenile book in which Wylde talked about his penis more than his music. I really rather enjoyed it.

[Rachelle · Rating 2 out of 5]

Just to make it clear... I have not read one of the reviews about this book yet.

This book was nothing but a disappointment. OK, granted... I'm not a middle-aged world-famous guitar player from Jersey. I AM, however, a middle-aged rocker chick from Jersey. That said, I won't be spending weeks on end with a bunch of beer-guzzling metal men on a tour bus. I know this. But, honestly, there is a lot of ass and poop talk. Ass, puke and poop. It sounds more punk rock than metal, but yeah. That's pretty much what it's all about. I thought I was pretty well versed in some of the more perverse stuff... but really, there are names of body parts I have never heard before. It was just all over the place.

The worst part? Page 185. The first two paragraphs are almost identical. I guess instead of picking the better paragraph, they just left them both in? UNBELIEVABLE!!!! Come ON, MAN!!! How can that HAPPEN? HOW CAN A BOOK LIKE THAT GO OUT TO PRINT? IF I WERE ZAKK... I'D BE PISSSSSSSED.

In my opinion, some dudes are going to totally love this book. I can see them talking about these stories over beer while fixing the truck or something. But, honestly? It was a bit too much. This is a guy's book. Girls, take heed. You won't see that sexy guitar player from 1989 quite the same again. LOL! I think that was the point. POINT TAKEN, ZAKK!!

2 stars for Rocker Chicks
3 1/2 stars for Metal Dudes

[A. Hotzler · Rating 4 out of 5]

Zakk is very funny (lewd and sometimes offensive), this is still quite a comedic achievement. The Blonde Bomber takes you on a personal, yet universal, journey in the music industry, while supplementing the story with personal insights and gems of wisdom.

If you like the music and Zakk's personality, definitely read; if you don't like bathroom humor, don't even look at the book; in fact, if you touch it, wash your hands immediately.

[Kevin Brown · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book is listed as music/memoir but it should be under humor/sex guide. Zakk is a great guitar player but this book is a joke. Would have loved to know more about his playing and music related stories. Not the stupid jokey monologue about having sex with his wife. I give her credit for being smart enough to not allow him to put her picture in the book. A disappointing read.

[Luke · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fairly brief but mostly enjoyable ride through the history of Zakk and his band BLS. Never gets too bogged down in the details but offers a few interesting stories from his life on and off road. Apart from the myriad references to bodily fluids the only gripe I have with this book is that the stories from his time with Ozzy are very few and mostly get lost in the mix.
Probably only for the die-hard fans but does leave space for a sequel..

[James · Rating 1 out of 5]

Got through it, 'cause I've been on a rock bio kick lately and I am a fan of Mr. Wylde . . . but, man, what a rough ride.

[Brett · Rating 2 out of 5]

An acquaintance of mine gave this book to a coworker first, who then gave it to me. And I will never finish it. I just could not understand it. Who is writing what? When? What is the purpose?

I just gave it back to my buddy the other day. The only reason it does not have just 1 star is due to my love for Zakk Wylde and Black Label Society in particular. The live performance was the stand-out at the metal show we witnessed a decade back.

But sorry, I just couldn't comprehend what the fuck was going on with this. Haphazard stuff.

[Brad Faulkner · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a page turner. I couldn't stop laughing throughout the entire book, Zakk is an absolute riot. Between all the hilarious stories he has to tell though, he keeps it pretty down to Earth with some actual life & musician advice. This was my 2nd time reading this, and I'll probably read it again at some point, it was a huge mood lifter.

[Laura Lynch · Rating 4 out of 5]

One would expect a book written by Zakk Wylde (with Eric Hendrikx) to be filled with wild tales of drunken escapades, destruction and daunting music. Yes, Bringing Metal To The Children - The Complete Bezerker's Guide to World Tour Domination has plenty of sordid stories of sex, alcohol and rock and roll - but, Zakk counters his course commentary with common sense advice on the music business and life in general.

Zakk is a man of faith and has the spirit of a fighting Viking. His Catholic background and references to the "Odin Force of Valhalla" are part of his perceptions and personality as revealed in his book. Musicians that he admires are revered as Father, as in Father Al DiMeola and Jimmy Page has been exalted to Pope Page. Wylde's home studio is called the Black Vatican. Nordic lore and prose are also scattered throughout his tome.

Bringing Metal To The Children - The Complete Bezerker's Guide to World Tour Domination does not run in chronologically order but is a free flow of tales, thanks and theories. Amongst the cussing and comical commentary are rock solid recommendations. Simple points such as work hard and get it done aka "GIFD - get it fucking done".

Along with artwork, photos and skulls the manuscript includes a mosh pit survival guide, road rules and tips on a career in music. And if you ever wonder what an artist on stage does when he really has to take care of business, Zakk reveals the not so nice details in his own hilarious way. The book covers a wide range of tales and topics. You may be surprised that the hard drinking Wylde - who is now dry - has a strong work ethic.

Bringing Metal To The Children - The Complete Bezerker's Guide to World Tour Domination would get an R rating if it was a movie but it gets 3 R's for a riotous, riveting and rousing read!

[Janne Paananen · Rating 1 out of 5]

"Koska hänen kirjalliset lahjansa ovat niin olemattomat, on vain loogista, että hän lyöttäytyi yhteen Zakkin kaltaisen, miltei lukutaidottoman juntin kanssa kirjoittaakseen kirjan, jossa kerrotaan, miten rundeilla paskannetaan ja oksennellaan."

Näin Black Label Societyn basisti tiivistää kirjan lopussa Maailmanvalloitusoppaan sisällön. Ja on valitettavasti varsin oikeassa.

Maailmanvalloitusopas ei ole tyypillinen muusikon elämäkerta. Piste siitä. Sisältö on lähinnä joko pullistelua tai sitten vinkumista musiikkibisneksestä. Zakk kirjoittaa kuin Jouni Hynynen konsanaan, mutta ilman Hynysen toisinaan osuvia viisasteluita.

Muutama hauska tarina on ripoteltu sekaan, mutta muuten tämän kirjan perusteella voisi sanoa, että GIFD eli homma suoritettu, laadusta piittaamatta. Ei vakuuta.

[Breanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was trully an entertaining book!! Anyone who is a Zakk Wylde fan must read this book. The passion that he has for what he does and those around him clearly shines through the words in this book. For those who know, his wit and overall charm radiate loudly from these pages. There were several times I literally laughed out loud. I couldn't help myself. There were other times that the imagery was more than what I wanted to imagine, but hey. That's Zakk Wylde for you. A definite good read. This book gives you a little insight into just what it is that makes Zakk Wylde....wit, charm, talent, family, bandmates, friends, fans, and overall a very tolerant wife :)

[Deyara · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this pretty much straight after reading Gene Simmons Sex Money Kiss and it made me laugh, they both talk about the same thing - getting there takes work, and you need to stop messing about, work hard, and get it the fuck done. I like Zakks stylings more, so I preferred his book, but they have a lot in common. They are also a bit repetitive - both have some passages that seem pretty much the same.

[Jane · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this book for Christmas from my husband who is trying to turn me into a metal-head. I must admit I didn’t know who Zakk Wylde was until I read this book and it is not a book I would usually pick up to read as I'm not into the metal scene. That said, however, I really enjoyed reading this book. As well as being laugh out loud hilarious in parts, it was also inspiring for an aspiring musician such as myself. In Zakk's words "At the end of the day, play what you love and what moves you. Plain and simple. GIFD."

[Danielson Stabile · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Zakk, and this book - his hilarious outtake on life - just makes me wish I could hang out with the guy even more. Funny stories from his personal life, tour bus, touring, and band mates (seriously, i was laughing outloud at parts). LOTS of toilet humor (literally), dick jokes, and other debauchery. I rank this book up there with Mötley Crüe: The Dirt. Overall, great message for aspiring artists: it's relentless, never ending hard work to make it, and you will be taken advantage of by anyone and everyone.

[Georgianna Price · Rating 5 out of 5]

I know some folks didn't like this book because it wasn't serious enough, but those folks must not know anything about Zakk Wylde. They've also likely never seen any of his interviews or even the Overlord video.

Seriously, this book is insane. In between hilarious road stories, poop jokes and those slightly creepy Viking interludes, we learn a lot about the business and Wylde's road to success.

In a lot of ways, this is the ideal rock star memoir.

[Conrad Mason · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was abit different from your typical sex, drugs and rocknroll story as Zakk has been married for many years and doesnt do drugs. Was cool to get an insight to life on the road and some of the funny stories of him being on the road with Ozzy (and Black Label Society). Apparently he is a christian but dont know how after reading this. Felt it was a bit heavy on the toilet humour and sex jokes. Overall an entertaining read but not amazing

[Snem · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very funny, very entertaining and Zakk seems like such a likable guy I can listen to his war stories from the road all day long. I wish it was a wee bit more serious at moments. I recommend this to all Zakk/Black Label Society/Ozzy/metal fans and I don't recommend this to anyone easily offended by sexy talk and poop humor.

[Rosie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have to admit that this book was entertaining. Full of toilet humor, and ridiculousness i wouldn't expect less from Zakk Wylde. Not recommended for anyone who can't handle A LOT of talk of poop, piss and other bodily functions.

[Colin Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

GIFD! This book is absolutely fucking hilarious! I'm sure some will say it's low class humor but I have to admit I burst out laughing almost constantly while reading this. Hell I almost puked my guts out laughing.

[Debbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved it not because he's a rocker but because he has heart and soul ... he touches me on many levels with his humor, music, and charm.... I've never met him (although I am hopeful that I can some day)

[Chris · Rating 4 out of 5]

This made me feel like I was sitting at a bar, hanging out with Zakk, listening to millions of war stories. Not just your average autobiography. Funny and entertaining. Definitely recommend to any metalhead.

[Steve Mulholland · Rating 5 out of 5]

Bonkers mad crazy.....Zakk you're madder than a sack of wet mice!!!! Laugh out loud moments all the way through....especially the 'meditation' part.....Never gonna win a Laureate.....it does what it says on the tin....a raucous, don't give a s**t rock n roll good time!!!!!

[Sara · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was entertaining, silly, and gross at times. It didn't have as much of a narrative as I was expecting. Instead, it was more of a grouping of anecdotes. Still, it was fun and worth it.

[Mel Flowers · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book. Zakk Wylde is my favorite guitar player and a huge inspiration to me. This book kept me entertained throughout all the pages! SDMF!

[Karsten · Rating 2 out of 5]

Unreadable. Still a huge fan of Zakk as a musician.

[Rob · Rating 1 out of 5]

Well, I finished the book, and I'm not entirely sure why. I like Black Label Society, and I like Zakk's musical talent, but after this book, I have concluded he is a big d***hebag. If this book was meant to be funny, it was obviously aimed at 12 year olds because I didn't find it funny at all. There didn't seem to be a plot to this book. All it was was a random assortment of stories that either involved vomit, feces, or references to gay sex acts (which came off as incredibly homophobic). Every story in the book was largely the same story with slightly different people involved and a different setting. Suffice to say it has changed my attitude on Zakk Wylde, and I am not totally sure that if they come around here on tour that I will buy a ticket to go see him. Nor will I rush to buy the next BLS album.

Maybe this is my age talking that I am 42, not 19, but this whole book was a collection of infantile stories and largely a cry for help. With all his love of drinking stories, I find it hard to believe Zakk has sobered up. I have been quite drunk in my time, and never once have I thought we should trash a steakhouse or I need to urinate, so I am just going to use red solo cups pressed against a bar. If this is how he sees the world, he needs to grow up. He isn't in Motley Crue, and it isn't 1986.

[Philip · Rating 4 out of 5]

Zakk Wylde is known throughout the music world as one of the most prolific guitarists in modern music history. His chops are unequalled. That he's been part of fellow legend Ozzy Osbourne's camps only adds to his reputation. Now, the man who heads up the Black Label Society worldwide can add one more title to his resume. That title is author. And his new book, Bringing Metal to The Children: The Complete Berzerker's Guide to World Tour Domination is an amazing look behind the scenes at life on the road for Wylde and his BLS bandmates.

Wylde opens the book fittingly with an introduction to the Black Label Society creed: SDMF. Strength, Determination, Merciless, Forever. SDMF isn't just some random marketing scheme. For both fans and members of BLS, it's a way of life. It's a creed. It's a motto of self empowerment. Wylde writes of Strength that it relates to mental, physical and spiritual strength. For those who don't know, he is a very devout Catholic, despite what some may believe of him (or his friend and mentor Ozzy Osbourne. He discusses this later in the book). And his faith plays a very big role in his personal strength. By looking at him, it's obvious that Wylde walks the walk and talks the talk. He writes about his physical conditioning. He explains about his exercise and eating habits, especially now that he's sober. That combination of spiritual and physical strength leads to his explanation of Determination. Determination is self explanatory. He writes of this part of the BLS creed to not give up, no matter how tough or bad the situation may be. Merciless is directly tied in to Determination. To be merciless means to give every bit of what one has. Forget giving 100% of what one has. Regardless of the situation, to be merciless means giving 1,000% of oneself. Simply put, it means to never give up. Never Give Up. Those are three little words. But they're the key to this part of the BLS creed. Again, they tie right in to Determintaion. It all also ties directly back to Strength. If one embraces these three parts of the BLS creed means that one will find they'll want to live by that creed Forever. Understanding the Black Label Society creed is to be part of the Black Label Society worldwide Forever. It means being the best one can be Forever.

The thorough explanation of the Black Label Society creed is a perfectly fitting opening to this new book. That's because it serves to disspel the label that has been placed on Black Label Society and its fans. If the in depth explanation of the band's creed isn't enough to prove just how vital BLS is to the music community, then the explanation of the "Three Black Label R's" and the signifigance of the band's patches will serve to show outsiders that Black Label Society isn't just a band. It collectively shows that Black Label Society is a community and a way of life. It creates a whole new appreciation for Black Label Society, and for that which Black Label Society stands.

After explaining the Black Label creed, Zakk starts discussing his beginnings as a musician up to his trials and tribulations as a solo artist, dealing with record labels, and his time with Ozzy and the creation of his own home studio, known as the Black Vatican. Along the way, readers are treated to stories of good times with other rockers, such as: Fozzy, Crowbar, Damageplan, etc. He also writes some stories about fellow guitar god, Dimebag Darrel (R.I.P.). OF course, stories of life on the road aren't all that Zakk imparts to his readers in his new book. He also tackles Ozzy's religious reputation. He explains to readers that all the rumors of Ozzy being this and that are entirely wrong. Rather, he writes, Ozzy's quite religious. As a matter of fact, he writes that the crucifixes that he and all the Black Label Society members wear were made by Ozzy's dad. He ties in to that story of how he [Zakk] bought some books to try to understand certain topics, and his wife's reaction to it. One can't help but agree with Zakk's argument that reading it doesn't mean practicing it. Learning that after his wife threw the books out of a hotel window, and someone took them will bring plenty of laughs.

Speaking of laughs, real Black Label fans will have more than their share of laughs throughout this books. Zakk writes of his early days in a little band called Stonehenge, and its attempts to get its name out there. The story of his experience playing at a person's house is the stuff of legend. It's the type of story one might only expect to hear or see from a movie or sitcom. There's also the story of one infamous in-store appearance with Ozzy in which the store only carried a grand total of twelve (yes twelve) Ozzy albums. Reactions from both Zakk himself and Ozzy's wife, Sharon, are absolutely hilarious. And then there are, of course, stories of BLS' radio ventures at stations that didn't know the first thing about him or his band. Perhaps one of the book's funniest moments doesn't come from in store appearances or Zakk's early days. It comes as Zakk explains the dangers of using the bathroom on a tour bus. If this story doesn't get audiences laughing, then nothing in this book will.

Bringing Metal to The Children offers readers so much great material. Whether one is a new member of the Black Label Society Worldwide, or a lifelong Berzerker, this book is an absolutely wonderful read for any Society Dweller worldwide. It's one of those rare music memoirs that really shines in a sea of books that clog bookstore shelves and digital downloading pages. For fans of the rock world, if there's one book to check out in 2012, it's Zakk Wylde's new book, Bringing Metal to The Children.

[Don · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one WYLDE ride of a read!!

I have been a fan of Father ZAKK WYLDE since day one! This is a great read and I laughed out loud at 90% of it... my gut hurts right now from Laffing so hard. I recommend this to anyone who wants to read about life in the road with rock stars like Ozzy....OMG!!

[Hunter Valentine · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book seemed like it was written by a teenager, I enjoyed the stories and some of the behind the scenes info but fart jokes and talking about pounding your wife every page is a bit distasteful. Eric did a great job and I don't think Zakk gave him enough credit. I guess that's why this book is bringing metal to the CHILDREN.