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You Must Remember This
An epic novel of an American family in the 1950s proves the tender division between what is permissible and what is taboo, between ordinary life and the secret places of the heart.
436 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1987
42 people are currently reading
2758 people want to read
About the author
Joyce Carol Oates
854 books9,623 followersJoyce Carol Oates is an American writer. Oates published her first book in 1963, and has since published 58 novels, a number of plays and novellas, and many volumes of short stories, poetry, and nonfiction. Her novels Black Water (1992), What I Lived For (1994), and Blonde (2000), and her short story collections The Wheel of Love (1970) and Lovely, Dark, Deep: Stories (2014) were each finalists for the Pulitzer Prize. She has won many awards for her writing, including the National Book Award, for her novel Them (1969), two O. Henry Awards, the National Humanities Medal, and the Jerusalem Prize (2019).
Oates taught at Princeton University from 1978 to 2014, and is the Roger S. Berlind '52 Professor Emerita in the Humanities with the Program in Creative Writing. From 2016 to 2020, she was a visiting professor at the University of California, Berkeley, where she taught short fiction in the spring semesters. She now teaches at Rutgers University, New Brunswick.
Oates was elected to the American Philosophical Society in 2016.
Pseudonyms: Rosamond Smith and Lauren Kelly.
Oates taught at Princeton University from 1978 to 2014, and is the Roger S. Berlind '52 Professor Emerita in the Humanities with the Program in Creative Writing. From 2016 to 2020, she was a visiting professor at the University of California, Berkeley, where she taught short fiction in the spring semesters. She now teaches at Rutgers University, New Brunswick.
Oates was elected to the American Philosophical Society in 2016.
Pseudonyms: Rosamond Smith and Lauren Kelly.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 162 reviews
January 21, 2010
If you like moderately depressing mid 1900s tales of incest, suicide and general family dysfunction mixed in the historical facts, you'll love this book. Honestly, I'm surprised I finished it.
August 13, 2010
This is one of the best books I've read in recent memory. JCO's prose is so accessible her writing is easily digested by younger readers and oldies but goodies alike. The wonderful thing about that is - her writing's simplicity is perfectly layered, and when it's working, it creates a diaphanous veil of beautiful words, compelling characters, and a gripping plot line. This story in particular is a theme that one could call a favorite of JCO's - a complicated family in the 1950's. A man in love with his underage - way underage- niece, set to the backdrop of an America changing more each day. Each layer of words and image evokes a dreamy, hazy tale recalled like a memory of a fever dream. I couldn't put it down. loved.
November 24, 2018
At this point I think it’s safe to say Joyce Carol Oates is my new favorite author, closely — so closely! — followed by John Irving.
You Must Remember This is quintessential Oates: bleak, experimental, scandalous. She is not afraid to write of uncomfortable sexuality (I cringed more than once while reading) and careless brutality. And often the two mix.
Though I quite enjoyed this one, some parts — the parts focused on Felix, specifically — dragged just a bit. Felix is a professional boxer, and the sport has never appealed to me. JCO does her best to make it interesting, but for this reader it was a no-go. The stream-of-conscious style, while impactful and artistically exquisite throughout the rest of the narrative, made bits of Felix’s perspective fall flat.
Though this is not a good entry point for those uninitiated to this writer’s output, it is a worthwhile and memorable read.
You Must Remember This is quintessential Oates: bleak, experimental, scandalous. She is not afraid to write of uncomfortable sexuality (I cringed more than once while reading) and careless brutality. And often the two mix.
Though I quite enjoyed this one, some parts — the parts focused on Felix, specifically — dragged just a bit. Felix is a professional boxer, and the sport has never appealed to me. JCO does her best to make it interesting, but for this reader it was a no-go. The stream-of-conscious style, while impactful and artistically exquisite throughout the rest of the narrative, made bits of Felix’s perspective fall flat.
Though this is not a good entry point for those uninitiated to this writer’s output, it is a worthwhile and memorable read.
March 29, 2025
20th book read in 2025
I am gradually pursuing a quest to read all the novels of Joyce Carol Oates in order of publication. It is truly a quest because, as her detractors love to point out, she is prolific.
You Must Remember This was her 17th novel since her first in 1964: With Shuddering Fall. Seventeen novels in 23 years. Many thriller and mystery writers publish a novel a year, but their fans expect it. Apparently, critics get nervous when a literary novelist publishes so often. Whatever.
You Must Remember This is her first foray into the world of boxing. She clearly did her research. It is set in upstate New York, her home ground and a location she visits regularly, an area of the United States which has provided a wealth of material for her dissection of American life. It is set in the 1950s, that decade of the Korean War, the growth of increased home ownership, the ideal of the happy family, and the prevalence of religion and morality. Oates delves into the anxieties that lay beneath the pieties.
Enid Maria Stevik is the youngest of four children. Each child follows a path of breaking free from the 1950s “middle of the road” era promoted by President Dwight D Eisenhower, much to their parents’ distress. Enid maintains a persona at home as a good girl, does well in school, but is secretly having an affair with her father’s younger brother, a former professional boxer who now makes his living in real estate, shady deals and gambling. The two are sexually obsessed with each other, though Felix’s obsession borders on abuse. Enid eventually and inevitably gets pregnant during her senior year in high school, endures an abortion, but breaks free of Felix and determines to follow her true dreams.
The novels of Joyce Carol Oates are never for the faint of heart. She does not shy away from violence, sexual tension, psychological turmoil, or the plight of females. Her stories can give a reader nightmares and often border on horror. She has always been ahead of her time. I read her because she shows me an America that is not captured in the media nor in most popular fiction. She shows an America that is full of contradictions, dissimulation, and cruelties covered up by fairytales of fulfillment, material success and outright lies. All the while she celebrates the human heart in all its complications.
I am gradually pursuing a quest to read all the novels of Joyce Carol Oates in order of publication. It is truly a quest because, as her detractors love to point out, she is prolific.
You Must Remember This was her 17th novel since her first in 1964: With Shuddering Fall. Seventeen novels in 23 years. Many thriller and mystery writers publish a novel a year, but their fans expect it. Apparently, critics get nervous when a literary novelist publishes so often. Whatever.
You Must Remember This is her first foray into the world of boxing. She clearly did her research. It is set in upstate New York, her home ground and a location she visits regularly, an area of the United States which has provided a wealth of material for her dissection of American life. It is set in the 1950s, that decade of the Korean War, the growth of increased home ownership, the ideal of the happy family, and the prevalence of religion and morality. Oates delves into the anxieties that lay beneath the pieties.
Enid Maria Stevik is the youngest of four children. Each child follows a path of breaking free from the 1950s “middle of the road” era promoted by President Dwight D Eisenhower, much to their parents’ distress. Enid maintains a persona at home as a good girl, does well in school, but is secretly having an affair with her father’s younger brother, a former professional boxer who now makes his living in real estate, shady deals and gambling. The two are sexually obsessed with each other, though Felix’s obsession borders on abuse. Enid eventually and inevitably gets pregnant during her senior year in high school, endures an abortion, but breaks free of Felix and determines to follow her true dreams.
The novels of Joyce Carol Oates are never for the faint of heart. She does not shy away from violence, sexual tension, psychological turmoil, or the plight of females. Her stories can give a reader nightmares and often border on horror. She has always been ahead of her time. I read her because she shows me an America that is not captured in the media nor in most popular fiction. She shows an America that is full of contradictions, dissimulation, and cruelties covered up by fairytales of fulfillment, material success and outright lies. All the while she celebrates the human heart in all its complications.
May 27, 2025
Intense. Another Oates hit.
March 15, 2011
This novel's major plotline is probably the most taboo story I've ever read. I think the manner in which Joyce Carol Oates' writes the characters, displaying and describing their feelings, but not entirely judging them (with some authors it's obvious they like this character, they don't like this one - not with Oates), made me perfectly uncomfortable, and also embroiled in their decisions. I can't stop thinking about this novel, and the characters, and the era it takes place (1950s). The descriptions are amazing, and I could almost see it play out in my head as I read it. I'm still wondering how Enid Maria continued after the book's end. I wonder how the rest of her life played out. All of the Stevick's lives.
July 2, 2008
didn't hold my interest... i found myself cheating on it with other books... gasp!
Read
July 4, 2015When asked what this book was about, I jokingly said, "It's like Raging Bull, but with incest," and I think that's a good description of it.
April 5, 2011
A sprawling, intricately woven tale of a family in the 1950s. The narrative flows from family member to family member--with the main focus on Enid and Felix. Beautifully written. This was my first time reading a book by Joyce Carol Oates, and I'm glad I did.
I suppose I was offended by those who said this novel did not capture their attention, and those who said it was "creepy.' I think readers who've said the latter entirely missed the point. It is not creepy--even though the circumstances of Enid and Felix may appear to be. As you read, you learn the depth of these characters and because you become so familiar with their lives, you no longer judge their choices so harshly. It's not so creepy when you're living it--and while reading the book I really felt I was in their world.
Oates does an amazing job of acquainting you with the circumstances. It is very much a book about love in all its forms--especially within a family and within love affairs, how it alters throughout the years, how you so easily can convince yourself you're in love and alternatively how you can shut it out completely if you need to, et cetera.
It was a very long read. But it didn't feel like it. Admittedly, I skimmed a couple of pages here and there (especially in the middle, when it was from Lyle's POV. Sometimes those felt long). Mostly I loved Enid's storyline, and Felix's. I even liked the boxing scenes, though I never thought I would. (You'll learn a thing or two about the intricacies of boxing when you read this.)
I would definitely recommend You Must Remember This. But, as with everything, go into it with an open mind. And if you expect an author to write very long book about a family WITHOUT documenting how fucked up those family members lives can get, then I guess you're looking for a really boring read.
I suppose I was offended by those who said this novel did not capture their attention, and those who said it was "creepy.' I think readers who've said the latter entirely missed the point. It is not creepy--even though the circumstances of Enid and Felix may appear to be. As you read, you learn the depth of these characters and because you become so familiar with their lives, you no longer judge their choices so harshly. It's not so creepy when you're living it--and while reading the book I really felt I was in their world.
Oates does an amazing job of acquainting you with the circumstances. It is very much a book about love in all its forms--especially within a family and within love affairs, how it alters throughout the years, how you so easily can convince yourself you're in love and alternatively how you can shut it out completely if you need to, et cetera.
It was a very long read. But it didn't feel like it. Admittedly, I skimmed a couple of pages here and there (especially in the middle, when it was from Lyle's POV. Sometimes those felt long). Mostly I loved Enid's storyline, and Felix's. I even liked the boxing scenes, though I never thought I would. (You'll learn a thing or two about the intricacies of boxing when you read this.)
I would definitely recommend You Must Remember This. But, as with everything, go into it with an open mind. And if you expect an author to write very long book about a family WITHOUT documenting how fucked up those family members lives can get, then I guess you're looking for a really boring read.
April 16, 2014
"Though it was a truth Warren had picked up somewhere that things once said within a family cannot be unsaid. And things done but never named might well be forgotten" (p. 147).
"You Must Remember This" is built upon these "things." Oates flashes between these things (situations, feelings, injuries, insanities and impurities) with non-linear plotting, painting an abstract-expressionist theme. Some characters are tight strokes of insight, while others are portrayed as vaguer blurs of background. She employs her formidable writer's intuition often, creating elegant sentences which jostle for attention against the larger picture. These standout lines often act directly as the above mentioned "things", striking with impact at the reader. Oates mostly wants to bruise us, as she does her characters, to convey her point. She succeeds at this task with a keen empathy and understanding of the dark and melancholic stuff of life.
As wonderfully as these ideas are rendered, the book does have flaws. Plot is underutilized in strengthening the theme. Parts of the story are superfluous, many parts are underdeveloped and abandoned. The choice of floating, mostly, free from time's restraints accentuates her individual vignettes while failing to create a larger, more universal, picture. We see certain details clear as day, while sensing there are many scenes she has failed to mention. Whether this was intentional or an oversight, I feel it was a mistake. One which she clearly has the skills to have addressed.
Additionally, the second half can feel rushed and uninspired. Time's passage is markedly hastened, and the overwhelming press of early themes are often resolved without satisfaction (many of them actually...).
In short, a pleasure to read. A well above average work. A strikingly realistic and insightful view into certain aspects of life that, ultimately, could have used a more panoramic view.
"You Must Remember This" is built upon these "things." Oates flashes between these things (situations, feelings, injuries, insanities and impurities) with non-linear plotting, painting an abstract-expressionist theme. Some characters are tight strokes of insight, while others are portrayed as vaguer blurs of background. She employs her formidable writer's intuition often, creating elegant sentences which jostle for attention against the larger picture. These standout lines often act directly as the above mentioned "things", striking with impact at the reader. Oates mostly wants to bruise us, as she does her characters, to convey her point. She succeeds at this task with a keen empathy and understanding of the dark and melancholic stuff of life.
As wonderfully as these ideas are rendered, the book does have flaws. Plot is underutilized in strengthening the theme. Parts of the story are superfluous, many parts are underdeveloped and abandoned. The choice of floating, mostly, free from time's restraints accentuates her individual vignettes while failing to create a larger, more universal, picture. We see certain details clear as day, while sensing there are many scenes she has failed to mention. Whether this was intentional or an oversight, I feel it was a mistake. One which she clearly has the skills to have addressed.
Additionally, the second half can feel rushed and uninspired. Time's passage is markedly hastened, and the overwhelming press of early themes are often resolved without satisfaction (many of them actually...).
In short, a pleasure to read. A well above average work. A strikingly realistic and insightful view into certain aspects of life that, ultimately, could have used a more panoramic view.
September 19, 2020
Hm. Kicsit fura könyv ez, nagy családregény, de ravasz módon olyan, mintha nem futna ki semmire. Ugyanakkor Oates renkívül sok mindent beleír szinte észrevétlenül és pont ebben rejlik a nagysága. Személyes sorsokon, bűnökön, vágyakon túl tele van az 50es évek társadalmi problémáival, a háború hatásaival, a háború utáni élet újjászületésével, az atomfenyegetéssel. Ráadásul a boksznak is kiemelkedő szerepe van, amit alapból utálok, de Oates még ezt is olyan élvezetesen írta le - volt, hogy oldalakon keresztül egyetlen mérkőzésről olvastunk -, hogy csak pislogtam. Imádom a nő okos "csacsogását", szinte a fülembe hallottam, ahogy mondja-mondja a sztorit, ami hiába semmi extra vagy kerek, egy percre sem untat. Elképesztő írónő.
July 17, 2021
The aspect of Oates's writing that makes me so much of a fan of her short story, "Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?" is unfortunately what I'm not thrilled about in this novel. She writes amazing individual scenes, detailed, poignant, affecting. And in a short story, it creates a stunning and memorable impression. But when piled one on top of another for 436 pages of fairly small print, it loses its impact.
This is the story of the Stevick family in a run-down industrial town in upstate New York. It's also the story of the 1950s in America–the politics, the social conformity of religion (especially Catholicism), the seedy corruption surrounding those connected even loosely to the mob. It's also a story of twisted love, incest, and violence. In other words, it has all the elements of a pot-boiler. And yet, it doesn't really get there. It's too long, too diffuse, and as was said about the Mozart pieces Enid learns, "too many notes."
I've read a couple of Oates's novels now, and for me, her short fiction is much more memorable.
This is the story of the Stevick family in a run-down industrial town in upstate New York. It's also the story of the 1950s in America–the politics, the social conformity of religion (especially Catholicism), the seedy corruption surrounding those connected even loosely to the mob. It's also a story of twisted love, incest, and violence. In other words, it has all the elements of a pot-boiler. And yet, it doesn't really get there. It's too long, too diffuse, and as was said about the Mozart pieces Enid learns, "too many notes."
I've read a couple of Oates's novels now, and for me, her short fiction is much more memorable.
October 6, 2008
I don't know which is more disturbing; Oates' books or the fact that I keep reading them...
July 17, 2018
very novel-ish. not at all novel. incest, suicide, coming of age. typical ingredients. well put together.
3.5 stars
3.5 stars
October 28, 2019
This book is full of unlikable characters doing unlikable things. Particularly heinous is Uncle Felix, and not really because of his taboo relationship with his niece. It's more because every time the book's p.o.v. turned to him, it was just nothing but run-on sentences and paragraphs that just emphasize what an awful, awful person he is in every aspect of his life and thought.
Unlikable characters are nothing new in fiction. The trick is to make the reader love to hate them so at least the ride is enjoyable. Oates did not accomplish that here. Felix was just terrible, and I personally could find no redeeming qualities that made his character forgivable or worthwhile.
The only good things I have to say is the writing was good once you got used to the stream-of-consciousness style, and I actually really liked Lyle Stevick's character. I thought his struggle with the American politics of the 50's was interesting, and would've made for a good focus of a novella if Oates hadn't been so interested in fattening the pages up to a novel with the more shock-value "passionate love" of Felix and Enid.
I've heard many people say Oates is one of their favorite authors. This is the first of hers I've read, so I'm not judging all of her work here. I just came out of this one feeling like it had no point, and was miserable to get through. Hopefully the next Oates novel I pick up will be better.
Unlikable characters are nothing new in fiction. The trick is to make the reader love to hate them so at least the ride is enjoyable. Oates did not accomplish that here. Felix was just terrible, and I personally could find no redeeming qualities that made his character forgivable or worthwhile.
The only good things I have to say is the writing was good once you got used to the stream-of-consciousness style, and I actually really liked Lyle Stevick's character. I thought his struggle with the American politics of the 50's was interesting, and would've made for a good focus of a novella if Oates hadn't been so interested in fattening the pages up to a novel with the more shock-value "passionate love" of Felix and Enid.
I've heard many people say Oates is one of their favorite authors. This is the first of hers I've read, so I'm not judging all of her work here. I just came out of this one feeling like it had no point, and was miserable to get through. Hopefully the next Oates novel I pick up will be better.
July 20, 2018
This was a really really difficult book to get through. Not only are there just two many parallel stories and parallel characters, there isn't really much of a storyline here at all. It is a kind of verbose "Lolita", but without Nabakov's skillful and beautiful writing. The young girl in this case is just as hot for the older man as he is for her. And the older man is her uncle. Then you not only have vivid everything-other-than-lovely sexual encounters, you also have the girl just coming out of a suicide and staying pretty much on the brink of suicide throughout the book. That her parents are so clueless is just downright baffling. And as the uncle becomes more and more of a jerk you just have to wonder how dumb a girl can be...I find it particularly hard to swallow that all this is coming from a woman author. The whole thing was distasteful and I can't recommend it for any reason.
February 17, 2014
It's been so long since I read this. But I know when I owned it I read it 3 times. I never do this. I'm not sure why I did either. Maybe to try to understand. I also remember that The relationship was SO wrong but like an accident or something on the news.. you just couldn't look away.
April 19, 2010
400 pages of gloomy people in a gloomy world. I found it way too easy to anticipate correctly what each character was going to do. Ms Oates did not hit the mark with this one.
March 14, 2011
bizarrely captvating
August 15, 2024
Starting out slow for the time being; however, I love Oates and her way of writing violent eroticism.
December 10, 2011
One of my all time favorite books, by any author.
September 22, 2020
Gore Vidal is said to have said that the three saddest words in the English language are "Joyce. Carol. Oates." I agree. Yes, there is lyricism, but the overwhelming physical, mental and sexual violence can't redeem it.
July 13, 2017
Enid is a compelling protagonist, even if all too familiar: the precocious, sweet, death-obsessed ingenue has a significant amount of charm. Her inner life stops being interesting as soon as Oates permits Felix's influence to rage in full. I suppose this is some remark on the "hysterical" intersection of sex and violence that would not have seemed as feeble thirty years ago as it does now. The book loses energy soon after they ""fall in love"", starting plot points only to discard them in distress a few pages later: ineffectual politics, futile affairs, middling business ventures. Overall, Enid gets a poor payout, considering all that psychic turmoil, meticulously tracked.
December 6, 2016
A dense, heavy book with little in the way of reprieve from the general atmosphere of impending catastrophe. I came into possession of this book by finding it on the ground, so at least one person out there decided they had enough and just left it in a parking lot. However, in spite of the rather grim tone of the book, I cannot deny that it is exceedingly well written and compelling told.
This is the story of the Stevicks in the 1950s. Predominantly the story of Enid, a teenager, and her affair with/abuse at the hands of her Uncle Felix, a professional boxer. It's a tense and ugly thing. Hard to read, but again, well told. It's also the story of Lyle, her father obsessed with building a bomb shelter; her sister Lizzy who wants to be a star; and her brother Warren who is caught up in pacifist activism. These other characters get little arcs but never share the limelight fully with Enid. They do serve as needed breathers between the episodes that involve Enid and Felix.
The paragraphs Oates creates are verbose, almost overstuffed with words. They are piled one after the other and it can feel like you will drown in them. But then sometimes she will let one sentence stand by itself and it will seem to have the clarity of a single bell in the spring morning air.
Perhaps you can tell I'm a little conflicted by the book. I think if it were funnier, I would have liked it tremendously. As it is, I respect it and am glad I read it, but I wouldn't recommend it lightly. For fans of well-written family dysfunction, serial abuse, and ambiguous endings.
This is the story of the Stevicks in the 1950s. Predominantly the story of Enid, a teenager, and her affair with/abuse at the hands of her Uncle Felix, a professional boxer. It's a tense and ugly thing. Hard to read, but again, well told. It's also the story of Lyle, her father obsessed with building a bomb shelter; her sister Lizzy who wants to be a star; and her brother Warren who is caught up in pacifist activism. These other characters get little arcs but never share the limelight fully with Enid. They do serve as needed breathers between the episodes that involve Enid and Felix.
The paragraphs Oates creates are verbose, almost overstuffed with words. They are piled one after the other and it can feel like you will drown in them. But then sometimes she will let one sentence stand by itself and it will seem to have the clarity of a single bell in the spring morning air.
Perhaps you can tell I'm a little conflicted by the book. I think if it were funnier, I would have liked it tremendously. As it is, I respect it and am glad I read it, but I wouldn't recommend it lightly. For fans of well-written family dysfunction, serial abuse, and ambiguous endings.
September 12, 2011
Embarrassingly 70s? I could not relate. None of the characters were likable, and the ones that were really really bad didn't suffer enough.
I absolutely hated the way the author used the word
Same with
Also, offensively improbable sex scenes. I mean, I understand a certain amount of ignorance and naivete combining to a height of misunderstanding, but
I absolutely hated the way the author used the word
Same with
Also, offensively improbable sex scenes. I mean, I understand a certain amount of ignorance and naivete combining to a height of misunderstanding, but
December 25, 2018
It might be unfair but the handling of taboo subjects makes it impossible for me to read this and not compare it to Lolita. Nabokov handles it like a magician; there are no wasted movements and he is continually redirecting your attention. Once in a while he lifts the curtain enough for you to see that Humbert can't be trusted and neither can you since you were getting pulled in. And when you feel a bit judgmental you are always aware that he may have written about this but he's not making you read it. It's very masterful. Oates is more of a cruel prankster. She sets up a character you like (or tries to anyway) and then makes you peek through your interlaced fingers at the unfolding story. She's more likely to twist your ear to get you looking the right way than to perform any elaborate feats of wordplay.
Her "I have a thesaurus!" writing style gets old quickly too. Rather than selecting le mot juste she just dumps the whole bushel on the table a few times per page.
This is a drab book with drab characters who do drab things and it feels like it could have been done much better in about a hundred fewer pages.
Her "I have a thesaurus!" writing style gets old quickly too. Rather than selecting le mot juste she just dumps the whole bushel on the table a few times per page.
This is a drab book with drab characters who do drab things and it feels like it could have been done much better in about a hundred fewer pages.
June 11, 2007
Even though certain chapters tend to get tedious, I felt the need to give You Must Remember This 5 stars because of its beautiful writing, its evocative scenes, and overall its authenticity. This is my favorite piece I've read by Oates so far. She manages to satirize the characters without poking fun at them and to really dig deep inside of their heads. Though I wasn't alive in the 50s, I felt like I was living in the decade--Oates captures 50s America so convincingly.
March 9, 2009
This wasn't any easy read, minly because everyone was so miserable with their lives, but it wasn't incredibly engrossing and well-written. I'm looking forward to reading other books by Joyce Carol Oates now but I need a rest from this kind of misery and intensity for a while!
December 23, 2009
It was well-written, but I kind of wish I hadn't read it because the book was so depressing and creepy.
July 5, 2011
I did not like this book at all. I started the book and got about half way through and couldn't finish. As a parent I found the subject matter very hard to read.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 162 reviews