I am Better Than Your Kids

by Maddox

From the New York Times bestselling author of The Alphabet of Manliness comes I Am Better Than Your Kids , an ingenious critique of children's artwork squeezed from the teats of Maddox's talented fingers. Finally a book that cuts those smug little monsters down to size. If you think children are precious snowflakes who are perfect in every way, think again. If you cherish every piece of art, every book report, every letter to Santa your child gives you, then this book is not for you. If your refrigerator is adorned with mementos from your kid's childhood, then you are a sucker.

Maddox, who has been writing hilarious essays for his popular site, TheBestPageInTheUniverse.com since 1996 (which receives over 1 million unique visitors per month), is here to tell you how your kids are inferior, and why it matters. Based on his most popular feature on his website, I Am Better Than Your Kids , and featuring 99 percent exclusive new content, Maddox tells it like it is by saying what we're all thinking when we see a child's art.

For the first time in published form, Maddox has included his own childhood drawings for criticism. Don't think he can draw better than your kids? Judge for yourself. From sub-par valentines, homemade "gifts," to crafts and even pictures of children, no aspect of juvenile production is spared! Why reward weakness and mediocrity with gold stars? You are in Maddox's world now, and no child is safe from the scrutiny and critical gaze of the world's foremost authority on children's crappy artwork.

Genres: Humor, Nonfiction, Comedy, Adult, Parenting, Art

320 pages, Hardcover

First published November 1, 2011

About the author

Maddox is a native Utahn and visionary director of The Best Page in the Universe website. Once a lowly programmer for a telemarketing company, he now stands as a specimen of sheer masculinity and chiseled good looks. When he's not writing his own biographies in the third person, he be found writing articles for his website.

Reviews

[karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

i know, i know - i should not be supporting people who are one step above tucker max in their bombastic masculinity. but dammit if this book didn't make me laugh out loud on a number of occasions.

yes, it is almost too easy - take children's drawings (some of whom are only 5 years old) and criticize their treatment of perspective, spelling, logical absurdity, etc. but it is also very, very funny - if the person doing the critiques is themselves funny. and all other shit aside, this man can make me laugh.

if i had kids, or more to the point, if greg had kids, i would be talking shit about his kids' drawings all day long. and he would probably, too. he wouldn't want to, but one thing i know about greg is that he is deeply jealous of all the positive reinforcement kids get for doing things that are easy, like when they poop in the toilet or whatever. so i think he would be on board with this.

i don't actually own this, so i can't go all attaching pictures or whatnot, but i just wanted to put it out there, during this holiday season, that this would be a nice gift for people with young children who draw poorly. but make sure they have a sense of humor before you start stuffing it into their stocking.

come to my blog!

[Drew Canole · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm happy to see that many people enjoy this book because I'd love to see Maddox be successful and producce more work. However, I didn't enjoy this book. The jokes wore thin after the first couple pages. I read his original critique of children's artwork many years ago on his website and I think that is all it should have been: a very funny blog post.

I haven't read Maddox in a few years now, not since I was in highschool and I fear that I've "outgrown" his humour, or rather his, perhaps pedestrian, commentaries.

[Laura L · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was so funny 😂

[Alyson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book made my life.

[Kyle · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book had me laughing every now and then and was a good fun read. Easy to pick up and put down whenever. Maddox does a great job of telling it like it is and commenting on unintended physics/logic flaws. My only problem with it is that for every gem there is about 10 kinda funny ones and another 5 that aren't funny at all. You will probably find yourself going through a page every 10 seconds, which translates to a short read.

[J · Rating 4 out of 5]

I used to go to his website all the time and pee myself reading his comments about the kids' artwork. And here it is in Book Form!

***

It truly didn't disappoint. He's mean, and I love that about him.

[hp · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a single-note acerbic critique of children's "artwork" by the merciless Maddox for *evil*adult amusement. The juvenile humour and complete lack of sugar-coating makes it an ideal bathroom/coffee-table book for those who dig satire... and will leave you in stitches(You have been warned!)

[Daniel · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars.

Some of the jokes are underwhelming, but others made me fall off my seat.

[Michael Emond · Rating 5 out of 5]

It is very hard to find books that make me laugh out loud and this book did just that. Some people seem embarrassed that they found it funny but I don't see why. I didn't take it at face value that Maddox was making fun of children but rather (I believe) he was taking on a persona of someone who would make fun of children (kind of like Triumph the Insult comic but for children). The humour in this is top notch and even though the premise seems to be one joke Maddox manages to create enough variation form the one joke to get a wide variety of laughs. It isn't just him swearing at kids but he finds interesting and hilarious ways to belittle them. It is the perfect coffee table book (or toilet reader) since it is easy to start where ever you want. Some people won't get it, or will take it at face value and be horrified some mean man is mocking children but all you have to do is read 2 or 3 entries to see if this book is for you. For me it was one of the best humour books I have ever read.

[Jason Luu · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am Better Than Your Kids by Maddox. Does being tongue a cheek let you get by with publishing an entire book based on ridiculing kid's artwork? Not really, Maddox is an asshole. Is he right in that offering kids nothing but unending disingenuous praise stunts them from creating better art? Probably. Most importantly, is the book funny? Honestly, there were a few critiques that had me rolling with laughter, but these account for about 5% of the book. Like Alphabet of Manliness, the concept is funny enough on its own, but cataloged into an entire book, the humor wears thin if you try reading it straight through. Does finding humor in reading about someone else ridiculing kid's artwork make me an asshole too? Probably. Though apparently not as big a one as all of the teachers and parents that submitted all of the graphic material and homework that make up the entirety of the book. Only recommended if you like Maddox (check out his blog if you’re unfamiliar his work).

[Angel · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book based on a blog, would probably be better to remain as a blog, just like the LATFH, Crap at My Parents House, Regretsy, and many other blogs that turn their posts into books. It's a quick read that gets big laughs, although it's pretty obvious that some of the submissions have made up ages slapped onto it (the author admits to names being changed), because I haven't meant numerous 4-5 year olds writing legible words with more than one or two syllables. I've found that books based on blogs are best for work breaks, because reading the whole thing through, it just starts to get a bit old. Just be prepared to offend a few people if they ask what is so damn amusing.

[Nick · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is probably the meanest book I've ever read - it's a treasury of children's art getting mercilessly critiqued, and really, if you read that sentence and thought it sounds funny, you can just stop reading here and go out and buy it. For those of you recoiling in horror, let me just say that the book is so mean that it circles around to being hilarious, with my absolute favorite parts being the author highlighting drawings (for example, by making a hideous crayon drawing of a superhero into a mocked-up comic cover for "I will catch you in my web man"). I could not stop laughing while reading this book. Highly recommended.

[Megan · Rating 1 out of 5]

Funny at first... but it gets old really quick. It's a very negative book where you get a laugh at someone's expense.

While I read it, I got that same feeling you get when you're with friends and the joking conversation turns nasty because you're saying mean things about someone else to get a laugh. Yuck.... a bit emo for me.

I could see why this was a good work email though, a simple, silly and unique topic.

Perhaps a good bathroom book.... one that you only need to read for a few minutes.

[Colton Porco · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is by far one of the most hilarious books I have ever read. Even though criticizing childrens' artwork is just plain wrong, I have to admit, every sentence Maddox writes is entirely true. I've always thought that people critique kids a little too lightly, and I'm glad to know that there's someone out there who agrees with me. Maddox says what no sane human would ever dare to say in public - much less compile into a book. In conclusion, people who lack morals of any kind will love this book and laugh at every "review" in it.

[Erica · Rating 5 out of 5]

This guy is hysterical. Some may find his humor offensive so I must warn you that this book is not for the sensitive person. His sense of humor is similar to that of Daniel Tosh. Not much to read here as it is mainly pictures but if you're having a bad day, this book can get a laugh out of you for sure.

[Jane · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a Christmas present from my brother to Josh. Truly hilarious! This book containing children’s work graded and commented on by Maddox. It all started with his website http://maddox.xmission.com/ In some ways the same kind of humour as David Thorne. More hilarious pictures and captions at http://www.iambetterthanyourkids.com/ I now want to read his first book The Alphabet of Manliness

[Aidan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is hysterical! I actually had difficulty breathing after having read a few pages, because my chest hurt so much from laughing. You would not believe half the crud thats in here until you read it. Having said that, if you're big on children, or are one, i wouldn't reccomend it. It is a bit obscene...

[Tamara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Possibly one of the funniest books I have seen in the spirit of sarcasm and general 'making fun of-ness'. There is something to be said about a grown man who brutally critiques children's artwork and turns it into a book and that is: Genius! Definitely not a book for people easily offended or horrified by crude language. Yes, it's mean, but yes, it's also fun...and funny. Very, very funny.

[ريحانة · Rating 1 out of 5]

I expected this book to share the kind of jokes that parents and adults secretly laugh at but refrain from saying. Alas, this book is extremely moronic and trashy.
Unless you're amused by the mere mention of genitalia and related functions in any context at all, then by all means, enjoy the book.

[Mauri Pratt · Rating 4 out of 5]

I saw this book on one of the displays at the library after a long hard day of parenting four of my own children. I opened it to a random page and found it so difficult to stifle my laughter that I had to check it out and read it all. While his language is crass and I wouldn't leave this book lying around for my children to read, it provided the good therapeutic laughter I was in need of.

[Andrew Pixton · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very funny and offensive as a narcissistic personality if you're into that. He critiques and grades artwork by kids at the same standard he would adult artwork. He gives them all Fs, which seems inconsistent since there were some that he complimented and didn't say there was anything wrong with, but they still got an F. He gives himself all A+. I'll give him an A-.

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is so wrong... but so funny. What a crazy idea to criticize artwork drawn by little kids. I was laughing out loud several times while reading this book. It was one of the best page-turners I've read in a long time!

[Beth Lind · Rating 3 out of 5]

Definitely a guilty pleasure! The guy who wrote this book is basically making fun of kids drawings. Some of his comments made me cringe and others made me laugh out loud. If you don't have a somewhat sick sense of humor, then don't read this book.

[Tom · Rating 4 out of 5]

About what you expect -- funny, vulgar and not much else. The most surprising aspect is actually the introduction, where he actually makes a striking point about how mediocrity is overpraised in Western society.

[Taylor Badesheim · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mean spirited, foul, crass and totally inappropriate. It's also one of the funniest things I have ever read. Maddox is sardonic and cruel, yet tremendously hilarious. The pictures in this book are awful, but it's Maddox's commentary that really makes it worth while.

[Just Some Femme · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great coffee table book! This might be the first photo book that wasn't ruined by bad spine placement...so claps for that. My (not-so inner) asshole came out while reading the commentary, I was adding shit he didn't even have in there lol. You should read if you aren't an uptight fuddy duddy.

[Jeremy Stephens · Rating 5 out of 5]

This sadistically funny book is a must have for anybody who has a sick sense of humor or simply hates kids.

[Matt Piechocinski · Rating 2 out of 5]

Like the Alphabet of Manliness, some laugh out loud parts ... but Maddox is nowhere as funny as he thinks he is in his head. Of the internet phenoms I've read, he's probaby the worst.

[Kandice · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars.

[Jen Vaughn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this on an airplane and in an airport bar, laughed so hard the whole way through I didn't care if I looked crazy or drunk.