De dag dat alles anders werd

by Dana Fowley, Joost van der Meer (Translator)

Toen ze vijf jaar oud was, wist Dana Fowley al dat er niemand was die ze kon vertrouwen en dat er geen plek was waar ze zich kon verschuilen. Samen met haar jongere zus Heather moest ze jaren van misbruik ondergaan. En het afschuwelijkste van alles was dat hun moeder naliet te doen wat elke moeder zou moeten doen: hen beschermen. Pas na enkele nachtmerrieachtige jaren was er eindelijk hoop voor Dana en haar zusje. In juni 2007 kwam de schokkende waarheid boven tafel toen Dana’s lijdensweg in de openbaarheid kwam. Er werd een rechtszaak aangespannen en Dana getuigde tegen haar eigen moeder. De wereld werd eindelijk gedwongen de ogen te openen, en haar moeder werd tot twaalf jaar cel veroordeeld. De dag dat alles anders werd is een prachtige hommage aan de veerkracht van de mens in het algemeen en die van een jonge vrouw in het bijzonder. Schokkend verhaal over het ultieme verraad van een moeder. Een indrukwekkend boek over de overlevingsdrang van kinderen in de meest onvoorstelbare omstandigheden.

Genres: Nonfiction, Biography, True Crime, Memoir, Ebooks, Abuse, Autobiography

256 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2008

Reviews

[Rebecca Haslam · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have long been a fan of true life tales of survival against the odds and the most despicable crimes, and I was the same with this book. We complain so often about the trivial things in our lives that annoy us or get us down, but having read Dana's story of her family's cruellest of betrayals, I say that many such issues significantly pale in comparison.
To be abused by those a person is meant to be able to trust the most and for so long, from such a young age, Dana proves she is a far stronger and better person than any of those sadistic people she had no choice but to be related to. She tells her story, not so much in detail, but with an honesty that the reader cannot help but respect - and she gives mentions to the good times and few good people in her life as well as the many bad.
The outcome to this book, as with many other similar stories, is one of some justice being done, but what I found interesting about this was Dana's reaction to the sentencing of one person in particular - how she describes her emotions at this time gives proof to the fact that some people will never stop loving, one way or another, those closest to them, regardless of what they have done.
To know Dana now has some happiness in her life is something I cannot help but be happy about... what she describes in this book is testament to how much she deserves it.

[Sue Gerhardt Griffiths · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have read many horrific stories but this one is shocking beyond belief. The abuse is horrendous and many times I wanted to put the book down and discontinue reading it however I had already read the worst of it so I wanted and needed to know how the story about Dana and her sister, Heather ended.

A mother is supposed to protect her kids but this mother was/is a monster.

Dana Fowley has shown incredible strength and courage after everything she endured, she is awe-inspiring. And her partner is truly a hero what amazing morals he has.

*Book #22/72 of my coffee table to-read pile challenge

[Dianne · Rating 3 out of 5]

An appalling story of childhood abuse involving three generations of a family. From the age of five Dana and her sister were subjected to sexual abuse orchestrated by her mother but also involving her grand-parents and various other adults. As an adult Dana had to overcome her feelings of degradation and with the help of her very supportive husband exposed her mother and the entire Edinburgh paedophile ring to the authorities.


The book was written with help as part of Dana's healing process.

[Sini Forsell · Rating 4 out of 5]

upee tarina!

[Steve Mitchell · Rating 5 out of 5]

The true story of one of the victims of a paedophile ring makes shocking reading. The story is a truly disturbing one that would be dismissed as unrealistic in a work of fiction. That the main instigator of the paedophile ring was actually the mother of the two abused girls is shocking enough, but that the girl’s father, step-father and grandparents all took part in the abuse is disturbing. That the girls finally raised the courage to testify against their mother and see her sent to prison for twelve years is in itself not surprising; the fact that the author still visits her mother and loves her is a gobsmacking revelation considering the levels of depravity and abuse she subjected her daughters to. The book is written without giving the graphic details of the abuse, but still leaves the reader bewildered that anybody – let alone a parent – can subject a child to this abuse. A must read but not for the faint-hearted.

[Helen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Shocking! Horrific! Disturbing! Inspirational! I don't usually tend to read the 'true' life stories but after reading an interview with Dana I was compelled to read her book. What I was pleased about was her skill at informing without self pity or in her words 'writing a paedophiles' handbook'. Considering her history she appears to have become a strong woman who can hold her head up for her family. I hope her book gives strength to others in similar situations. Hx

[Shay · Rating 1 out of 5]

I couldn't even get through this book. I like books with very harsh topics but this book was WAY too much for me so I couldn't finish it

[L.L. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kolejna książka o wykorzystywanych dzieciach, historia trochę podobna do innych, a trochę różna... Napisana językiem prostym i niezbyt wyszukanym ale szczerym.
W tej książce najbardziej uderzyły mnie rozterki autorki, rozerwanie pomiędzy żalem do matki (oczywiście) i miłością do niej... Myślę, że matka była w dużym stopniu upośledzona, niezdolna do bycia matką, bo inaczej nie można tego sobie wytłumaczyć (z resztą jak dla mnie to też wynika wprost z całego opisu).
Ogólnie: Prosty język, prości ludzie, pół książki o rozterkach autorki co już jest nudniejsze ale dosyć ważne, bo właśnie to pokazuje dodatkowy dramat takich sytuacji.

"Nie sądzę, aby ktokolwiek, nawet Paul, był w stanie pojąć sprzeczność moich uczuć. Najokrutniejszą rzeczą w zadawaniu bólu własnym dzieciom jest to, że one muszą to akceptować i wybaczać tylko dlatego, że są dziećmi swojej matki. Ja tego nie akceptuję i nie mogę wybaczyć mamie, ale nadal ją kocham."
(str. 237)

(czytana: 16.05-3.06.2025)
4/5 [7/10]

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a harrowing story about two girls who were abused in the most awful ways. It is a sickening story of abuse by multiple abusers and a book I struggled to read.

I'm not normally a reader of these kinds of true stories as it upsets and angers me. But I admire the courage of these women, I admire the strength it took to admit what was going on and give the details of this paedophile ring, which included her own mother. Some of the things you will read are very hard to comprehend, why would her mother allow this to happen? And how little emotion she showed was mind-blowing.

If you can stomach this sort of story, then I would say it's worth the read just for the pure strength of character this poor girl has. Even now, she is confused about the feelings for her mother, and that's hard for me to understand.

I'm not going into detail, but please be warned that this goes into a place you would never want to be.

[Arpenik Kroyan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I honestly was not taken up by this one. The thematics was difficult, but I read books that were dealing with this topic before without this sort of whiny, stretchy, self-absorbed, saint-like undertone that I got while reading ‘how could she’. Multiple times I would just roll my eyes with irritation and annoyance while reading this one. Something about the primitivism in the emotional range of the main character set me off. As far as it was a story of a child I could appreciate, relate and feel with the character. As for the adult protagonist part, I have no idea what on earth was this lady about.

[Mikaela · Rating 3 out of 5]

I honestly don’t know how to even rate this book. I deeply commend the author for her bravery in sharing such a personal and painful experience—I cannot begin to fathom the trauma she endured. The story was absolutely devastating, and at times almost impossible to process, especially when faced with the shocking reality of what a mother could do to her own children. What struck me even more was the author’s continued contact with her mother and the complicated emotions surrounding her sentencing—it left me absolutely speechless. This book is raw, heartbreaking, and eye-opening, and while it’s not an easy read, it’s an important one.

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

I tried to read this but it is just too harrowing for me. With my 2 granddaughters around this age was just too close and I felt physically sick and cried. What an amazing woman Dana is and I can only hope she finds true peace in her life along with her sister. I am not a hateful person but I can only hope karma does exist as these abusers deserve a life of pain for what they done and that includes the woman who gave birth to Dana ( I cannot call her a Mum as no mother would do that to her daughter). Bless you Dana as you are amazing!

[Cindy Paaij · Rating 4 out of 5]

Het onderwerp maakt dit boek zeer intrigerend, misselijkmakend, en schokkend. Er worden weinig details prijsgegeven, maar de auteur vertelt op haast ‘luchtige’ wijze wat er met haar is gebeurd. Rode draad is de ambivalente houding tegenover moeder, hier wordt mijn inziens iets te vaak in exact dezelfde bewoordingen op terug gekomen. Iets dat vaker gebeurt in het boek; meerdere onderwerpen worden relatief kort na elkaar met precies dezelfde bewoordingen en gedachtegang verwoord, wat voor mij niet prettig leest.

[Tija Addams · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a really hard book to read. The disgusting sexual & every other type of abuse little Dana is dealt is monstrous. Her mother & step father, grandparents & ‘uncles’ all should be raped with the end of a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire until they are all dead. I’d happily volunteer to do it too

[Linneavestman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Det är en jättebra bok. När man läser den inser man hur fel mamman har gjort och är glad att Dana faktiskt har överlevt och tar hand om sina barn och får de att leva en bra barndom som hon själv aldrig fick.

[Tamara · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 en halve ster !
Vreselijk verhaal.
Niet te geloven hoe deze vrouw overeind is gebleven na zo'n walgelijke, afgrijselijke jeugd.
Niet te geloven dat er zoveel perverse mensen in die kleine gemeenschap waren....
Chapeau voor de sterkte en kracht van haar en haar zus!!

[Book review by Annie · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was a very hard and deep book... The first half was great, I was excited and frightened about what would happen next but the other half was kinda boring for me (ofc I am happy for how Dana coped with it). It must've been so hard for her and her sister.

[isabelle ferguson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a heart wrenching story. I cried so many times and felt physically ill at others. It was kind of confusing with the timeline but this kept me in a spiral for days just thinking about this book and the events that occurred in it.

[Tina Svensson · Rating 2 out of 5]

Hemsk historia. Tyvärr dåligt skriven självbiografi (spökskrivare) av den styltiga typ som finns särskilt i engelsktalande länder. Kan därför inte rekommendera den.

[Haajara Milan · Rating 3 out of 5]

An untold story of an innocent victim reveals...

[Anne Marie De Rybel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hard to rate because of the subject. I still can't believe that Dana,after all that her mother die,she keeps on visiting her in jail. I don't know if I could/would do they same.

[Katy Woolf · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a difficult read and amazing to read how someone can come through such a horrific childhood and still feel love towards others. What a strong brave lady.

[Emma Jane Holmes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow :(
Just wow.

[kathleen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing

Couldn't put it down. Fantastic book! What this lady has been through is shocking, the strength and determination she has is amazing to read.

[Maria Lindberg · Rating 3 out of 5]

Huomaa, ettei kirjoittaja ole käynyt terapiassa. Toivottavasti myöhemmin meni, jotta sai itsensä eroon äidstään.

[stephanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good read

Baring it all in this book Dana has told us her story and she light on how victams are treated when the hav e the courage to speak out.

[Samantha Leathley · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very hard read.

[Lainy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Time Taken To Read - 1 day

Blurb From Goodreads

At just five years old, Dana Fowley learned that there was no one she could trust and nowhere she could escape to. She and her younger sister endured years of terrible abuse, subjected day after day to unimaginable attacks, and not only did their own mother do nothing to protect them, she willingly helped. Dana’s lifelong suffering was at last revealed in a high-profile court case when she bravely faced her demons.

My Review

I have read a few of these true life survivor books and this one will stay with me for a long time. Two little girls used and abused horrifically by the one person in the world they should have been safe with and protect them. I think these books are always hard to read but this one more so (for me anyway) because the predator and enabler was the mother and that just is unthinkable.

Dana takes us through her childhood to adulthood and all the horrors she encounters, some of it is very hard to read and disturbing. A very powerful read taking you on a journey of how a little girl got through and survived horrors you can only imagine to being an adult and taking the offenders to court.

I think she was very brave to write this book, to expose what she went through in the hope of giving courage and make a path for others to come forward and show it isn't easy but you can do it and bring them to justice. 3/5 for me this time.

[Jenn · Rating 4 out of 5]

To think that there are people in this world who are truly repulsive and evil. And to think they could be related to you. They could even be your mother. Dana's mother deserves all the horrible days and nights she gets while spending her 12 year sentence in jail. I don't care if it's portrayed as how she herself was raised. How do you not know that gang rapes and sexual abuse with your child is wrong? How do you not have scruples or morals? How do you live with yourself? Hatred is what I felt when reading this. When family members of Dana's started dropping off from natural causes I wanted to throw a party. But part of me wished they could have suffered more.

How did someone not recognize earlier that the family was one big misfit? Surely no one is that good of an actor. Was Dana not stunted by the habitual abuse? Or Heather, her sister, who seemed a bit slow anyway? I just wish someone had noticed the oddities earlier and maybe stopped these disgusting meat sticks from damaging those sweet children's lives.

[David · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dana Fowley is surprisingly a woman of standing, I say surprisingly because her childhood was one in which no adult let alone child should ever go through. Born in a rough area in Scotland, her ordeal began when she was 5 years - and her fear carried on into her adulthood. She took suicide attempts, she found she was diabetic, but she also found love. The love of her partner was something she couldn't get to grips with, as she battled to keep her past life secret. Eventually things came to a head and the truth came out. Instead of running as she had expected, her partner stood by her and campaigned against a regime of terror against children in Scotland.

The thing that stays with me after reading this book is that her mother, whether or not she has special needs just let things happen and even involved herself in it. She might have been forgiven if she had eventually shown support and love for her child and even asked for forgiveness - instead she sided every time with her daughters enemies! It just begs the question 'how could she?'