Guy Noir and the Straight Skinny

by Garrison Keillor

Famous radio private eye Guy Noir leaps from A Prairie Home Companion to the page On the 12th floor of the Acme Building, on a cold February day in St. Paul, Guy Noir looks down the barrel of a loaded revolver in the hands of geezer gangster Joey Roast Beef who is demanding to hear what lucrative scheme Guy is cooking up with stripper-turned-women's-studies-professor Naomi Fallopian. Everyone wants to know-Joey, Lieutenant McCafferty, reporter Gene Williker, Guy’s ex-girlfriend Sugar O'Toole, the despicable Larry B. Larry, the dreamboat Scarlett Anderson, Mr. Kress of the FDA–and Guy faces them one by one, as he and Naomi pursue a dream of earning gazillions by selling a surefire method of dramatic weight loss. In this whirlwind caper Guy faces danger, falls in love, and faces off with the capo del capo del grande primo capo Johnny Banana.

Genres: Humor, Fiction, Mystery, Audiobook, Noir, Detective, Adult Fiction

224 pages, Paperback

Published May 1, 2012

About the author

Gary Edward "Garrison" Keillor is an American author, singer, humorist, voice actor, and radio personality. He created the Minnesota Public Radio (MPR) show A Prairie Home Companion (called Garrison Keillor's Radio Show in some international syndication), which he hosted from 1974 to 2016. Keillor created the fictional Minnesota town Lake Wobegon, the setting of many of his books, including Lake Wobegon Days and Leaving Home: A Collection of Lake Wobegon Stories. Other creations include Guy Noir, a detective voiced by Keillor who appeared in A Prairie Home Companion comic skits. Keillor is also the creator of the five-minute daily radio/podcast program The Writer's Almanac, which pairs poems of his choice with a script about important literary, historical, and scientific events that coincided with that date in history.
In November 2017, Minnesota Public Radio cut all business ties with Keillor after an allegation of inappropriate behavior with a freelance writer for A Prairie Home Companion. On April 13, 2018, MPR and Keillor announced a settlement that allows archives of A Prairie Home Companion and The Writer's Almanac to be publicly available again, and soon thereafter, Keillor began publishing new episodes of The Writer's Almanac on his website. He also continues to tour a stage version of A Prairie Home Companion, although these shows are not broadcast by MPR or American Public Media.

Reviews

[Carol · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have been listening to Garrison Keillor on the radio since I was 14 years old. Whether I was leaving a baby sitting job or my waitressing jobs, or finally driving home from my first "real" job which was a one hour commute, I always could find Keillor and Prairie Home Companion (PHC) on the radio.

In this book I can hear the voices of Guy Noir and other characters. But I found it strange since Guy is still in the 1940s that it seems odd that he receives "text messages." And I also think his intimate encounters are more R rated in this book, than his PHC encounters which were more PG13.

Story: Guy looks death in the eye from Joey Roast Beef; professor Naomi Fallopian involves Guy in a quick money scheme for dramatic weight loss; he falls in love; Guy faces off with the capo del capo del grande primo capo Johnny Banana.

My favorite book by Keillor-- 77 Love Sonnets but only in audio format! Trust me.

[Sarah Booth · Rating 4 out of 5]

What can I say, I am always going to be a Garrison Keillor fan. And listening to him read his material is my Xanax. Since I can't have the actual thing I listen to Keillor.

[Drew · Rating 1 out of 5]

Let me say at the outset that I am a huge Garrison Keillor fan. But, this book was tedious! I quit midway through. I couldn't force myself to finish it. Too much Guy Noir! From now on I'll just appreciate Guy on the radio.

[Donna Davis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am almost always a sucker for the humor of Garrison Keillor. I have seen some reviewers recommend that one listen to his broadcasts rather than read the material here. If you have time and really like his work (and it won't go on indefinitely, folks), consider doing both. As for me, I have seen or heard enough of his broadcasts that I can hear his voice delivering the material as I read it.

One thing about the radio show is that everything he says goes by so quickly. Sometimes I felt as if I had missed something, and sometimes I KNEW I had. Reading this wonderful written version, free to me via the public library, gave me the opportunity to see exactly what he had done and how he'd done it. And it is gut-wrenchingly funny.

Oddly enough, I contemplated the "straight skinny", which in this case is a dietary system involving a tapeworm which is supposed to make Guy both rich and thin, when I was a teenager. Summer camps and health classes gave us lectures of what to do and not do in order to avoid various disgusting illnesses and parasites, and likewise our veterinarian always checked for worms. When I asked exactly what a tapeworm did that caused a person (or her pet) harm, I was told they gobble up all the nutrients and calories and leave the one who just ate, still undernourished and hungry.

Let me tell you, as a pudgy teen growing up during the reign of Twiggy and Mia Farrow, I could not help but wonder whether this was really a bad thing! (Of course, it never occurred to me that a great big worm chock full of my food might also expand my waistline!)

So this plot line resonated for me, but of course with Keillor when he's at his best, it's more than that. The word play and impish, tongue-in-cheek alliteration really cracked me up.

When you need to get your worries off your daily cares, this is a fabulous place to escape. Just don't read it at bedtime; you'll be up all night long!

[Linda · Rating 3 out of 5]

Alert! If you're thinking about reading this, don't. Listen to it. I was astounded to see that this had been published in book form along with the audio version. This material-- an extended version of a long-running radio bit about a hard-boiled detective-- pretty much requires the sound effects, music, and multiple actors to make it palatable. There are plenty of good one liners. Recommended for PHC fans.

[Michael Erickson · Rating 2 out of 5]

Came for a fun parody of the noir detective genre, got a weird incoherent pontificating mess instead.

I partially read a physical version of this book and partially listened to an audio recording of it which was probably the worst way to consume this media after I learned that it was an audio drama first that was later novelized. Consequently it was hard going back and forth because the audio version was essentially only the dialogue bits with all of the added prose present in the book form cut out. But I don't know that my overall rating would've been affected had I stuck to one medium all the way through.

This story leans on a lot of the old tropes you know from noir fiction: underworld crime bosses sending goons to rough people up, crooked cops, mysterious and sultry women with ulterior motives, etc. But it's also kind of modern day in that everyone has cellphones, and the Arab Spring and Gaddafi are directly name dropped? It felt like a story that couldn't decide what time period it wanted to be set in, and I feel like the only reason it was "brought forward" at all was to allow the protagonist (and by extension, the author) to rant against young people, liberals, and vegetarians.

The plot is barebones, and there are entirely way too many characters too keep track of or care about. Women are tripping over themselves to throw their bodies at this man for poorly fleshed out reasons, and nothing that this book is trying to accomplish lands. I really need to just start staying away from any book that even remotely attempts to be funny.

[Adele · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very silly spin on the classic private eye / noir genre. I listened via audio book, which is the only way to do this one imo bc it's recorded like an old-timey radio show with different voices and sound effects, which were great. I did my fair share of eye-rolling and head-shaking while listening, but also laughing and chuckling.

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

An amusing spoof of the grizzled private detective genre.

[Mayda · Rating 3 out of 5]

This audio production is a mixed bag. The presentation is wonderful, but the content? Not so much. Some parts are really funny, but there are just not enough of them. The plot is thin, but then so is Noir. (That’s an inside joke.) Some of the gross content could have been left out. (You want a tip? Don’t listen to it while you are eating.) The best part by far is the background organ music. Garrison Keillor is always entertaining, but this tale was a bit of a disappointment.

[Ray Campbell · Rating 4 out of 5]

I always enjoyed A Prairie Home Companion with Garrison Keillor. I was sad when he was accused of sexual impropriety, but consider him a casualty of liberal overreach. While actual humans are maimed, raped and killed with no response from the righteous, a woman who claims he touched her undergarment when putting his arm around her in a pose for a picture not only got him fired, but expunged from NPR and his legacy deleted. I consider myself a conservative person, but not so much so that I have no humility. Anyone can be awkward or make a mistake without being evil incarnate. I miss A Prairie Home Companion.

Guy Noir was always a favorite segment. This an extended installment of Guy Noir Private Eye. From the 12th floor of the Acme Building, Guy embarks on an adventure to help a "dame" with her pursuit of fortune based on the use of tapeworms as diet pills. Despite the somewhat disgusting premis, all the usual elements are here. Guy is broke and looking for love, cliche gangsters are after him and crooked cops are easily bought off. Silly, but fun.

I've read several of Keillor's rather charming extra curricular tales. This is the first one that is an extended episode of a Prairie Home Companion reoccurring segment. I enjoyed it. Love the art, judge not the artist unless he is convicted by a jury of his peers.

[Jessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm giving this three stars for grammatical prowess. I love Keillor's stories and characters--usually, but the Characters in Guy Noir are unlikable and downright papthetic. The stream-of-consciousness style is distracting, the characters egomaniacal, and the entire thing seemed shockingly sexist. I was waiting for the joke to be over, but alas, the joke was on me. I will say, for somone who writes and loves good writing, some of the puns, jokes and dialog (particularly that on the subject of grammar) was hysterical, but not worth the six hours of my life to read the whole book. Keillor, you can do better than this, I know you can. This is not the Garrison Keillor that my grandmother taught me to love on public radio.

[Karen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm rounding a 2.5 down. I liked it enough to finish, and I certainly liked parts of it, but overall, the book was just mediocre. I'll reiterate the notion that this book should be listened to, rather than read, but even then the old-timey-radio-drama bit sometimes felt a bit tedious and overdone. Some of the monologues were glorious, though, and the author has a couple of brilliant knocks against (or perhaps sympathy for) middle school teachers. But, in the end, listening to a whole book of this is a bit like listening to Weird Al Yankovic way too long in one sitting; it's a nice novelty, but not enough to carry through for extended listening.

[Gary Land · Rating 4 out of 5]

In this humorous take on the hard-boiled detective novel, one of my favorite genres, Garrison Keillor sends Guy Noir on a romp through the main elements of the genre--bad guys with crazy names, beautiful women, guns stuck in one's face or back, and get-rich schemes (this time a weight loss cure via tapeworms). If one is reading this for the mystery the book will be disappointing, but if you are looking for humor and have some knowledge of the conventions of the hard-boiled school, the book is a fun and quick read.

[Jim · Rating 3 out of 5]

Liked the performances, plot is pretty weak. But I enjoyed the humor and the running organ and piano in the background. It's an absolute throwback to the radio dramas of the past. Some of the politics are a bit on the conservative side, but just let that go and it's a fun listen. Also, make sure you listen to the audiobook. The slow moving story and dropped plot devices just won't be the same unless you hear the sound effects and the different voices from the actors.

[Tiamat_the_red · Rating 1 out of 5]

I did not actually finish this book. As of 5/26/2012, I'm about half way through it and I can't deal with it any more. Normally, I'm a fan of Keillor but for some reason this one rubs me the wrong way. It feels so inane and I don't care for the characters. Noir is slimey, his crime-boss enemy is just sad and the woman feels like a deliberate sexist joke. Too bad.

[Jeremiah · Rating 2 out of 5]

Those who love Guy Noir from Garrison Keillor's NPR show will appreciate the verbal legerdemain of the gravelly detective. I was surprized at his foray's into Guy's sexual proclivities with many different women. It got a little slow in some parts, but the literary quips, which make the book fun to read, are laced throughout the show. I like the radio show better.

[Ruth · Rating 2 out of 5]

If this book helps to prove anything, it's that the Guy Noir character works best in radio shorts rather than on the printed page. Still, if the plot itself gave no thrills (other than questionable thrills of a cheap, sensual nature), Keillor's prose somewhat makes up for this lapse, especially in the hilarious and involved verb-tense digression in Chapter 8.

[Larry Cunningham · Rating 4 out of 5]

Classic Garrison Keillor. I've been a fan of Prairie Home Companion for many years, especially the Guy Noir segments. I'm also a big fan of the classic hard-bitten detective novels from authors like Dashiell Hammett, and the movies based on them. I get the feeling that Mr. Keillor had nearly as much fun writing this send-up as I had reading it.

[Suzanne · Rating 2 out of 5]

I really wanted to like this book, but it wasn't my cup of tea.

[Gene Parish · Rating 5 out of 5]

I recently finished listening to Guy Noir and the Straight Skinny a radio play written by Garrison Keillor and performed by Garrison Keillor, Tim Russell, and Sue Scott.

Guy Noir, for the uninitiated, is a character from one of the radio skits performed on the Prairie Home Companion on NPR back in its heyday. Guy Noir, known to most as Guy, is a hard bitten private dick who resides in Minnesota. The radio skits often diverge from the main story line with Guy's musings on philosophy, life, and love. Love is a favorite topic, particularly if it's steamy.

In this adventure Guy is approached by an old friend, Naomi Fallopian, with the deal of a lifetime. Naomi is an ex exotic dancer turned women's study professor who wants to get rich and go back to dancing where she can be worshipped again. She needs him to protect the secret to a new, almost magical, weight loss pill.

Life on easy street isn't always easy though. His problems start with Joey Roastbeef, a seventy year old mobster with an air tank and a gun tries to horn in and only get worse when Larry B. Larry, a sleazy lawyer with all the right connections on the wrong side of the street, comes to call.

He is able to run faster as he is taking his own product, being able to say he is not just a supplier but a customer. Life is complicated as, as the weight falls off, women fling themselves at him and do everything but rape him in public.

Conclusion: This is a full Guy Noir adventure full of high jinks, completely inappropriate humor, and lots of hilarious scenes. If you want Dick Tracy, don't look here. Guy Noir's life is normal and ludicrous all at the same time. It might even make someone like Joey Roastbeef crack a smile.

[Elizabeth · Rating 3 out of 5]

Wow, not my cup of tea at all. I really like Garrison Keillor, and I've enjoyed the Guy Noir segments of the radio show. Perhaps I just wasn't ready for Noir to star in a full-length story. He might be better for me in small doses.

Usually, listening to Garrison Keillor leaves me feeling fuller. True, he covers a wide range of emotion, sometimes funny and sometimes melancholic, but I usually feel really good at the end of it. I feel thoughtful and introspective, warm toward others, hopeful for the future. Even his "downers" affirm something positive about humanity, or something that, at the very, very least, feels real.

This book seemed to lack that level of substance. Sure, Guy Noir was never going to be the most complex character, but here, he just seems unable to sustain a novel of this length. He doesn't do much in the story; he kind of bounces around from person to person, going with the flow. The premise of the story is a money-making scheme involving the selling of tapeworms for weight-loss. The running joke of the story is pretty much just sex: unrequited affection, requited affection, unwanted affection, old flames, new flames, strippers—you get the idea. So the bulk of the novel felt like either potty humor or sex jokes. Fine for what it is, and perhaps even well-suited for a short radio segment, but strange to be the main thrust of a whole novel. Again, just not my cup of tea.

[Tony Kornkven · Rating 3 out of 5]

I decided to listen to this story because I think Guy Noir stories are better heard then read. The sound effects and voice cast add life to a story that would otherwise fall flat due to its length. When I'd listen to the Guy Noir stories on A Prairie Home Companion they were short skits and the humor was stronger. The dry humor is still present but can get lost in all the filler this story contains. The Straight Skinny is also a departure from other Guy Noir stories because it has a more PG-13 feel to it then the stories that aired on the radio. This change didn't bother me but to some fans it could be a bit off putting. If your a hardcore Prairie Home Companion fan I'd suggest giving this a listen.

[anesthine · Rating 2 out of 5]

I grew up listening to A Prairie Home Companion, and Guy Noir was always my favorite segment. Imagine my disappointment when this turned out more like Guy Noir: Pervert Eye. I get that Guy is supposed to be a parody of film noir detectives, but when every single woman is described in lascivious and objectifying detail, it becomes almost unbearable to read, made worse by the frequent fatphobia. The character of Mr. Ishimoto is a racist caricature, and a trans woman is used purely as a joke and thereafter consistently misgendered. Bigotry doesn’t make a good parody.

The book does have its moments of levity and humor that legitimately made me laugh. Unfortunately, these aren’t enough to outweigh the bad, and I cannot give this book more than two stars.

[Dave Hay · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have previously tried a Garrison Keller novel, and it was one of only 2 books I could not finish. Sooo looong winded, story not developing much. It is like Mr Keller tries to be dry funny to much. This, however, was a wonderful surprise. I started by thinking that I should have not tried another Keller, and warmed up to the book. In the end I thought it was a great little tale, funny enough that I almost wanted it not to end. I even tried to find another Guy Noir title, but failed . For anyone trying, give it a few chapters, its worth it

[Allison Giovanetti · Rating 2 out of 5]

"You think you want to be skinny so you drop sixty pounds, and then you found out that what you really want is your youth, or someone to love you in that helpless, wholehearted way that is so rare in real life."

Wow, this did not age well. I grew up listening to Prairie Home Companion, and I thought that Guy Noir and the Straight Skinny would bring back some of that nostalgia, but instead, it was unbelievably sexist, racist, and fat-phobic. It was so hard to read the objectification and diminishment of woman after woman.

Don't ingest a tapeworm to lose weight.

[Will Sattler · Rating 3 out of 5]

If you want a dark and dreary, rain in the night Noir story, this is not the book for you, but it was a fine audiobook for me. This noir-style story written by a humorist takes place in the early 2000’s, with a private detective who has quips for days and often tells stories that go on tangents the same way you would expect a friendly drunk at a bar to explain stories to you. But I thought it was hilarious. Very much funny in the same way the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy is funny, to me.

“Give me ambiguity, or give me something else”

[Tracy Laaveg · Rating 1 out of 5]

Just ok. I LOVE the hard-boiled detective genre and hail from the red River valley, so often enjoyed Keilors Lake Wobegone stories. This one, nig so much.... The overtly sexual comments about women might not have been so offensive had I not been aware of the author's sexual harassment allegations...but then again, maybe they were just that over the top. At any rate, glad I didn't spend more thsn 50 cents on this book.

[Karo · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked that it was a contemporary parody on the noire detective genre and that it has some amazing wordplay in the dialogue, as well as offering a critique on society nowadays.
That said, the MC can go of on a bit of a tangent at times, which tends to drag down the very thin plot.
The MC was likeable to a certain extent, but none of the female characters came across as pleasant.

And the background music was a bit too loud for my liking, overpowering the dialogue in certain parts.

[Pastor Trike · Rating 2 out of 5]

Hmmm... This is a tough one for me to review. For many years I have been a huge Garrison Keillor fan. Like many others, I was saddened to hear of the allegations against him. This book did not help in my impression of him. It is so sexualized and really makes me think that the man has a serious problem. I cannot recommend this book to anyone. It is really quite sad.

[Jon · Rating 2 out of 5]

I love Keillor’s writing and have been working my way through the Lake Woebegone books. There is some hit and miss qualities in some of those but there depth of characters and it’s an immensely enjoyable world to spend time in. All that preamble to say, Guy Noire was a pleasant 5 minute bit every week on A Prairie Home Companion but it’s an ill conceived slog of a book.