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Fathered by God: Learning What Your Dad Could Never Teach You (Embark on the Path to Authentic Manhood and Discover the True Meaning of Masculinity) - The Perfect Gift for Young Men and New Fathers
In an age when fathers are more important than ever, how do you embark on your journey to manhood and know how to steer clear of the dangers along the way? In Fathered by God, New York Times bestselling author John Eldredge reminds us that there's a path to masculinity and, best of all, there's a loving Father ready to help us follow it.
In Fathered by God, Eldredge calls men back to a simple and reassuring God is our Father, and he wants to show us what masculinity really means. Eldredge teaches us that there's a path leading to authentic manhood, cut by generation after generation of men. There are perils along the trail, even disasters--all the more reason to rely on the guidance of a Father who has gone before us.
A boy has a lot to learn in his journey to becoming a man, and it takes the active intervention of father figures and the fellowship of other men to guide us along the way. Eldredge shares that in all of life's trials and triumphs, God is initiating boys and men through the stages of manhood.
Through personal stories and practical guidance, Eldredge provides a map through the six stages of a man's journey and answers some of the most common questions about manhood that he's received over the years,
How can I set a good example for my son?What does the Bible teach us about masculinity?How can I become the man that God designed me to be?Fathered by God maps out the path of manhood--not more rules, not another list of principles, not formulas, but a well-worn path that men have followed for centuries before us. Discover the truth about masculinity and become the man that God sees in you.
In Fathered by God, Eldredge calls men back to a simple and reassuring God is our Father, and he wants to show us what masculinity really means. Eldredge teaches us that there's a path leading to authentic manhood, cut by generation after generation of men. There are perils along the trail, even disasters--all the more reason to rely on the guidance of a Father who has gone before us.
A boy has a lot to learn in his journey to becoming a man, and it takes the active intervention of father figures and the fellowship of other men to guide us along the way. Eldredge shares that in all of life's trials and triumphs, God is initiating boys and men through the stages of manhood.
Through personal stories and practical guidance, Eldredge provides a map through the six stages of a man's journey and answers some of the most common questions about manhood that he's received over the years,
How can I set a good example for my son?What does the Bible teach us about masculinity?How can I become the man that God designed me to be?Fathered by God maps out the path of manhood--not more rules, not another list of principles, not formulas, but a well-worn path that men have followed for centuries before us. Discover the truth about masculinity and become the man that God sees in you.
241 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2009
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2742 people want to read
About the author
John Eldredge
227 books1,920 followersJohn Eldredge is an American author, counselor, and lecturer on Christianity. He is known for his best-selling book Wild at Heart.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 273 reviews
December 28, 2021
IN SHORT: WILDLY NARROW definition of what a "real man" is, and shockingly denigrating to women/girls, as if they can't match men in even brainpower (they can, and often do kick our asses). KEY PARAPHRASE (quote is below): Little boys make explosion sounds early in life. When little girls do it, it just sounds silly. (Yes, I'm not kidding... he said that. WTH?)
I picked this up because I like reading things that I usually don't read, because I like to know how other people perceive things. Yet, I'll still review from my perspective. I read an earlier book by Eldredge so I questioned the value of picking one by the same author, but it was available and some really like it. So I wanted to learn what that group appreciates.
Those who love the teachings of this man, should avoid this review or be ready for my HUGE disagreement with him.
I didn't care for the book's description that includes this: "authentic manhood, cut by men who have gone before us, sons following in the footsteps of their fathers, generation after generation."
- First, "authentic manhood" would be really impossible to define because there are so many versions of what that may be (accomplished weight lifters, jockeys, physicists, marathon runners and plumbers can each be fantastically authentic men. But they are all VERY different).
- Second, I love tradition per se, but when it's accompanied by attitudes that attempt to hold people into a narrow expectation of what they can be, it turns toxic. From what I can see, Eldredge has a very narrow definition of an authentic man, and that man seemingly must love the woods, be a hunter/fisher, love tractors, etc. (he may not say this outright, that I recall, yet his writing drips with that assumption).
- Third, I greatly appreciate honoring sages. Yet again, Eldredge's continual elevation of men above women is bile to me. I do believe he means well, but he is a typical highly "conservative" (not in a real sense, but the political/religious sense) that has a strong paternalistic bias which is toxic though I'm sure that is not his intent.
NOTES WHILE I READ/LISTEN:
The book starts out of the gate with the author's continued focus on his perception of masculinity in a way that seems to put Eldredge's narrow definition of a "real man" on a pedestal. It seems strictly limited to a woodsy macho man. It continually reminds me of country songs that have the same cartoonish bias (got my tractor, got my girl, got my Silverado driving through the field, blah, blah, blah). This is all presented as if it's God's only ideal, "rule and subdue," and other macho crap. All of this seems to support the feeling that Eldredge holds no more regard for women than some kind of nebulous "holy cherishing" of them, but not attributing them with real capability. He evidently has a limited appreciation for what they can do (often even better than men). He even openly states that they are not as good at several traits (the list may have included logic, but I can't recall the specific things that seemed so flagrantly dismissive of their capability). He also ignores that many women love the outdoors too, and can be just as adept at hunting, etc.
On the good side, the emphasis that young men need fatherly type guidance seems spot on, though I disagree with Eldredge that no woman can help them in that. Many single moms do very well. They can. And girls need fatherly type guidance too. Eldredge is right about the healing which such guidance can provide. Yet he's solely focused on MEN as the mentor and MEN as the receivers of this benefit. Horrifically one-sided, ignoring half the wise people in the world. If men think that this description is of necessity what they need to shoot for, it will alienate many, and worse, it may cause needless shame in many that don't value the same macho-man crap that Eldredge singularly values. Mentorship and guidance are out there in many valuable forms that Eldredge seems to belittle by his razor-thin perspective of what masculinity is. A direct cut to women is not needed. He cuts by omission and an overly grand adoration of men.
I have ZERO issues with his (useful) trope of this book being about fatherlessness. While my views don't match the author's, that's actually a great trope to acknowledge one's belief in God, the help which that God could bring, and the calm guidance which that perception can bring. My strong issue is with Eldredge's biased examples and descriptions while getting to that reliance on God. It's all force-fit into his wildly narrow perception of what it means to be a man.
QUOTE: "I'm trying to play the man and fix my own sprinklers..." WTH? Um... must it be a man? It seems that Eldredge's philosophy is that this is a man's role. How would I have said it?... I'm trying to fix my own sprinklers... inserting gender needlessly pollutes the main goal of fixing something, and many women do it very skillfully. Why can't I (a man) learn from women just as easily? Answer: No reason. I can and often do. At this point, my only question is, is this merely heavy bias, or is this full-blown misogyny in the guise of fundamental Christianity? Right now, it feels like the latter. He nebulously praises women with only vague references to a loving and cherished role, but he gushes praise on the wild, ruling men (at times, literally saying that women don't have the same level of specific attributes like logic). I don't care what definition one uses for misogyny. I care that this book is spreading the word that women should fit his narrow, restrictive perception; and worse, doing so in the name of God (a very repressive God, I must say).
He talked about young MEN loving fast, loud cars. I guess he never knew about Shirly Muldowney (or willingly excluded her). I've known many women that valued the same (and love tractors, etc.).
QUOTE: "doing my taxes, talking to my 16-year-old son about dating, buying a car, buying a house, making a career move, any trial where I'm called upon to play the man..." (insert eye-role) WTH? These are apparently his examples of being called upon to "play the man." Eldredge seems to love the concept of women who wait for big strong men to do the tough stuff. I am abhorred at such narrow-minded glorification of men under the name of Christianity (as if there weren't enough bias there). Purposefully or not, this rabidly denigrates women. Many traditions are good. This one is traditional crap draped in religion. (Though it likely appears pious to the indoctrinated.) It proverbially gags me. I firmly believe that Eldredge has no toxic intent, but intent doesn't stop his advice from being highly toxic. This is.
QUOTE: "You see, a boy wants to be pow-er-ful... I think the first sounds my sons learned to make were explosions... kaboom... but when a girl does it, she sounds silly." WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL? Did the author seriously just say "when a girl does it, she sounds silly?"... REALLY? OKAY, that explains a LOT of why your boys do it (and girls, if any, don't). YOU REINFORCED THIS CRAP DIFFERENCE! This is a biased father raising kids to live within the father's narrow expectations, then using the results of his training as validation. Woah, be unto any child who does NOT fit that expectation, but is born to a parent that expects these narrow and force-fit molds.
This, and so many other places too numerous to list, show the enormity of the author's bias toward males having the exclusive value of power, cunning, thrill-seeking, etc. This seems to exclude many women from traits that they often find just as natural. Example: My wife LOVES the thrill and danger of hang-gliding. But Eldredge seems to exclusively apply that value to men.
Further, many men are not as he pictures men to be. Yet, they are still "real men," even if not within Eldredge's incredibly narrow definition of a "real man." Some real men (and real women) are powerful when wielding a computer, a pro-forma, a surgeon's scalpel (women are particularly good at this), a calculation-filled whiteboard or computer simulation, and SO much more. Many "real men" don't love tractors while many women do. This, coming from a man that does love tractors, excavators, powerful motorcycles, cars, has several guns, but will NEVER subscribe to those as any kind of requirement. Real men come in MANY different forms. Deal with it. Now to go for a run to blow off some steam (not like my Boston Marathon runs, but good for today). I don't need Edredge to accept me as a real man. NEITHER SHOULD YOU! His message is (though unintentionally) toxic.
I do not recommend this book EXCEPT 1. to learn how others perceive things, and 2. to see an example of a person genuinely (I believe) with good intentions who is actually being toxic to people not like him. Good intentions can still have very bad results.
I picked this up because I like reading things that I usually don't read, because I like to know how other people perceive things. Yet, I'll still review from my perspective. I read an earlier book by Eldredge so I questioned the value of picking one by the same author, but it was available and some really like it. So I wanted to learn what that group appreciates.
Those who love the teachings of this man, should avoid this review or be ready for my HUGE disagreement with him.
I didn't care for the book's description that includes this: "authentic manhood, cut by men who have gone before us, sons following in the footsteps of their fathers, generation after generation."
- First, "authentic manhood" would be really impossible to define because there are so many versions of what that may be (accomplished weight lifters, jockeys, physicists, marathon runners and plumbers can each be fantastically authentic men. But they are all VERY different).
- Second, I love tradition per se, but when it's accompanied by attitudes that attempt to hold people into a narrow expectation of what they can be, it turns toxic. From what I can see, Eldredge has a very narrow definition of an authentic man, and that man seemingly must love the woods, be a hunter/fisher, love tractors, etc. (he may not say this outright, that I recall, yet his writing drips with that assumption).
- Third, I greatly appreciate honoring sages. Yet again, Eldredge's continual elevation of men above women is bile to me. I do believe he means well, but he is a typical highly "conservative" (not in a real sense, but the political/religious sense) that has a strong paternalistic bias which is toxic though I'm sure that is not his intent.
NOTES WHILE I READ/LISTEN:
The book starts out of the gate with the author's continued focus on his perception of masculinity in a way that seems to put Eldredge's narrow definition of a "real man" on a pedestal. It seems strictly limited to a woodsy macho man. It continually reminds me of country songs that have the same cartoonish bias (got my tractor, got my girl, got my Silverado driving through the field, blah, blah, blah). This is all presented as if it's God's only ideal, "rule and subdue," and other macho crap. All of this seems to support the feeling that Eldredge holds no more regard for women than some kind of nebulous "holy cherishing" of them, but not attributing them with real capability. He evidently has a limited appreciation for what they can do (often even better than men). He even openly states that they are not as good at several traits (the list may have included logic, but I can't recall the specific things that seemed so flagrantly dismissive of their capability). He also ignores that many women love the outdoors too, and can be just as adept at hunting, etc.
On the good side, the emphasis that young men need fatherly type guidance seems spot on, though I disagree with Eldredge that no woman can help them in that. Many single moms do very well. They can. And girls need fatherly type guidance too. Eldredge is right about the healing which such guidance can provide. Yet he's solely focused on MEN as the mentor and MEN as the receivers of this benefit. Horrifically one-sided, ignoring half the wise people in the world. If men think that this description is of necessity what they need to shoot for, it will alienate many, and worse, it may cause needless shame in many that don't value the same macho-man crap that Eldredge singularly values. Mentorship and guidance are out there in many valuable forms that Eldredge seems to belittle by his razor-thin perspective of what masculinity is. A direct cut to women is not needed. He cuts by omission and an overly grand adoration of men.
I have ZERO issues with his (useful) trope of this book being about fatherlessness. While my views don't match the author's, that's actually a great trope to acknowledge one's belief in God, the help which that God could bring, and the calm guidance which that perception can bring. My strong issue is with Eldredge's biased examples and descriptions while getting to that reliance on God. It's all force-fit into his wildly narrow perception of what it means to be a man.
QUOTE: "I'm trying to play the man and fix my own sprinklers..." WTH? Um... must it be a man? It seems that Eldredge's philosophy is that this is a man's role. How would I have said it?... I'm trying to fix my own sprinklers... inserting gender needlessly pollutes the main goal of fixing something, and many women do it very skillfully. Why can't I (a man) learn from women just as easily? Answer: No reason. I can and often do. At this point, my only question is, is this merely heavy bias, or is this full-blown misogyny in the guise of fundamental Christianity? Right now, it feels like the latter. He nebulously praises women with only vague references to a loving and cherished role, but he gushes praise on the wild, ruling men (at times, literally saying that women don't have the same level of specific attributes like logic). I don't care what definition one uses for misogyny. I care that this book is spreading the word that women should fit his narrow, restrictive perception; and worse, doing so in the name of God (a very repressive God, I must say).
He talked about young MEN loving fast, loud cars. I guess he never knew about Shirly Muldowney (or willingly excluded her). I've known many women that valued the same (and love tractors, etc.).
QUOTE: "doing my taxes, talking to my 16-year-old son about dating, buying a car, buying a house, making a career move, any trial where I'm called upon to play the man..." (insert eye-role) WTH? These are apparently his examples of being called upon to "play the man." Eldredge seems to love the concept of women who wait for big strong men to do the tough stuff. I am abhorred at such narrow-minded glorification of men under the name of Christianity (as if there weren't enough bias there). Purposefully or not, this rabidly denigrates women. Many traditions are good. This one is traditional crap draped in religion. (Though it likely appears pious to the indoctrinated.) It proverbially gags me. I firmly believe that Eldredge has no toxic intent, but intent doesn't stop his advice from being highly toxic. This is.
QUOTE: "You see, a boy wants to be pow-er-ful... I think the first sounds my sons learned to make were explosions... kaboom... but when a girl does it, she sounds silly." WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL? Did the author seriously just say "when a girl does it, she sounds silly?"... REALLY? OKAY, that explains a LOT of why your boys do it (and girls, if any, don't). YOU REINFORCED THIS CRAP DIFFERENCE! This is a biased father raising kids to live within the father's narrow expectations, then using the results of his training as validation. Woah, be unto any child who does NOT fit that expectation, but is born to a parent that expects these narrow and force-fit molds.
This, and so many other places too numerous to list, show the enormity of the author's bias toward males having the exclusive value of power, cunning, thrill-seeking, etc. This seems to exclude many women from traits that they often find just as natural. Example: My wife LOVES the thrill and danger of hang-gliding. But Eldredge seems to exclusively apply that value to men.
Further, many men are not as he pictures men to be. Yet, they are still "real men," even if not within Eldredge's incredibly narrow definition of a "real man." Some real men (and real women) are powerful when wielding a computer, a pro-forma, a surgeon's scalpel (women are particularly good at this), a calculation-filled whiteboard or computer simulation, and SO much more. Many "real men" don't love tractors while many women do. This, coming from a man that does love tractors, excavators, powerful motorcycles, cars, has several guns, but will NEVER subscribe to those as any kind of requirement. Real men come in MANY different forms. Deal with it. Now to go for a run to blow off some steam (not like my Boston Marathon runs, but good for today). I don't need Edredge to accept me as a real man. NEITHER SHOULD YOU! His message is (though unintentionally) toxic.
I do not recommend this book EXCEPT 1. to learn how others perceive things, and 2. to see an example of a person genuinely (I believe) with good intentions who is actually being toxic to people not like him. Good intentions can still have very bad results.
October 9, 2022
Despite the fact that this book is written for boys and I am a girl, I loved this book! I learned so much about God and about certain attributes all of us can take up because we are made in his image. It was also very interesting to learn more about boys through reading this book. I very much enjoyed it and it provided me with a lot of good food for thought that led to growth.
May 11, 2022
I really enjoyed this book. I read this book over two different seasons of life, and I felt like that was a healthy way for me to go about it. The book goes over what Eldredge describes as the six stages of the masculine journey, those being: Boyhood, Cowboy, Warrior, Lover, King, and Sage. It is important to identify what season of life you are in, and in this book Eldredge discusses what those seasons may look like for a man who is seeking after God. While this book is not perfect, it has been a good tool for me in my walk.
April 20, 2021
I’ve heard a lot of people talk about John Eldredge, but had never read anything by him until now. This book highlights the general stages men go through over the course of their lives. I would maybe give this book a higher rating, but I recently learned about some of the material shared so I didn’t learn much. I could see how this book would be transformational for some readers, but it wasn’t quite that for me. I love transformation and growth and especially how they affect the believer over the lifetime so a lot of the book’s content was kind of a no-brainer for me. This was still a pretty good book though!
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November 12, 2009The first chapter is about boyhood, the earliest stage of our life when the world is a place of adventure and suprises, when we are learning and exploring. Eldredge says that the most important thing for a boy is that he feels like he is the beloved son. Not just approved of in his fathers heart, but adored and prized completely by his father. For a lot of men, we were wounded in our boyhood. Some of our fathers didn't spend much time with us. Some never taught us anything important and we felt dissapointed. Some of our fathers hurt us emotionally or even physically by abuse. Some of us didn't even have a father around. We become wounded when we stop feeling like the beloved son. That part of our heart may still be scarred underneath all the emotions we feel today. The great thing is, God wants to father us right now. God is waiting with his hands wide open eagarly for us to come to him so that he can teach us all of the things we missed out on, and to heal our wounds. (lost son parable).
The other chapters are cowboyhood, warrior, lover, and king. Each of them have insight to the stages of life men live through. Stories in Elderedge's life are used for practical example. Stories from the bible also mentioned. His writing is very powerful and brings hope. Eldredge supports his ideas with scripture. He ends each chapter with a very good prayer specialized for each section.
This is an essential book for all men on their Christian path.
The other chapters are cowboyhood, warrior, lover, and king. Each of them have insight to the stages of life men live through. Stories in Elderedge's life are used for practical example. Stories from the bible also mentioned. His writing is very powerful and brings hope. Eldredge supports his ideas with scripture. He ends each chapter with a very good prayer specialized for each section.
This is an essential book for all men on their Christian path.
June 25, 2022
In Fathered by God by John Eldredge, Eldredge describes several stages of life men go through (although some overlap quite a bit) and how the role a father,especially our Heavenly Father, can promote these areas of our life.
Eldredge does a great job of making his points understandable through illustrations from other books. For example he uses a lot of Lord of the ring examples (although i have never read them) and utilizes thoughts from other men like CS Lewis, George MacDonald, and several others.
However, this book genuinely helped me see parts of my life where i need to be led as a child of God and a man of God. His book has inspired more passion in my life for nature and reading and to help other men see this pathway of manhood created by our Father himself.
Eldredge does a great job of making his points understandable through illustrations from other books. For example he uses a lot of Lord of the ring examples (although i have never read them) and utilizes thoughts from other men like CS Lewis, George MacDonald, and several others.
However, this book genuinely helped me see parts of my life where i need to be led as a child of God and a man of God. His book has inspired more passion in my life for nature and reading and to help other men see this pathway of manhood created by our Father himself.
October 14, 2021
Fathered by God is basically an updated version of Wild at Heart. What I appreciate in Eldredge’s books is that I really buy him. I think he’s someone I would really want to be around and would appreciate who he is and how he cares for people—men especially. Further, Eldredge does a good job of bringing to life our relationship with our Heavenly Father. Finally, I think that there is some usefulness in Eldredge’s stages to reach masculine journey. In fact, on this latter note, I would recommend this book over Wild at Heart for that very point.
That said, there are just too many holes in Eldredge’s theology and praxis for me to recommend his books, including Fathered by God. For instance, he makes much of a man’s call to fight, but largely misunderstands much of the Old Testament verses he recalls. The point of the warrior theme of God in the Old Testament is that he fights for his glory, not that we are called to fight. Further, while there are balancing statements regarding humility, I find that the balance is lopsided and that masculinity is defined far too narrowly.
For more reviews see www.thebeehive.live.
That said, there are just too many holes in Eldredge’s theology and praxis for me to recommend his books, including Fathered by God. For instance, he makes much of a man’s call to fight, but largely misunderstands much of the Old Testament verses he recalls. The point of the warrior theme of God in the Old Testament is that he fights for his glory, not that we are called to fight. Further, while there are balancing statements regarding humility, I find that the balance is lopsided and that masculinity is defined far too narrowly.
For more reviews see www.thebeehive.live.
December 23, 2021
Would give a 4.5 but unfortunately I am unable to. Written very well by obviously a very wise author and good guy. John Eldredge does a great job of discussing manhood and masculinity with his personal stories and anecdotes backed up by scripture. A very refreshing book to read in a time where the world seems to downplay and discourage the importance of masculinity as well as very important parts of male’s initiation into manhood. Gives incredible insight into raising boys as well. Good read ferda gents out there.
August 5, 2022
I tore through this book. Eldredge pours so much wisdom into describing how the soul of a boy is initiated into Christlike masculinity throughout the natural progression of life. He certainly brings a western cultural flavor into his presentation of masculinity, though it does escape toxicity. I found it very helpful to correlate John's claims and thoughts with my own experiences and lessons of life about what it means to be a maturing son.
January 30, 2023
A person could get put off by John Eldridge’s emphasis on popular movies and books, or his tendency to over generalize, as he develops a theory of manhood that is extra biblical. But, I think that person would be missing out on some deep, golden nuggets of lower case t truth that were really helpful in putting language to the felt experience of being a man at each stage of development.
December 30, 2022
Will be reading through a second time. Soon.
February 8, 2023
I love Eldredge's breakdown in this book of the stages of the masculine life (the Boy, the Cowboy, the Warrior, the Lover, the King, and the Sage) and the importance of experiencing each stage to the fullest for his maturity and walk with God.
"The boy knows God as Father, the cowboy knows God as the One who initiates, the warrior knows God as the King he serves, the lover knows God as his intimate One, and the king knows God as his trusted Friend. The sage has a deep communion with God."
I think what I love most about John, is his humble and gentle way of preaching masculinity, in contrast to other voices out there that can feel loud, strong, and bashing.
"The boy knows God as Father, the cowboy knows God as the One who initiates, the warrior knows God as the King he serves, the lover knows God as his intimate One, and the king knows God as his trusted Friend. The sage has a deep communion with God."
I think what I love most about John, is his humble and gentle way of preaching masculinity, in contrast to other voices out there that can feel loud, strong, and bashing.
July 17, 2024
Powerful book. Thoroughly resonated with me. I only wish I had read and digested years ago. But never too late to grow and change and become more of the man God wants me to be. I highly recommend to all male Christ-followers, even to others who are humbly trying to figure life out.
February 21, 2024
As someone who has struggled with the concept of “masculinity”, this book provided no answers. However, what it did provide is, what I see as, a healthy framework for which one could reference to in regard to maturity as a man. I particularly enjoyed the prayers throughout the book, asking for God to come in to the stages where we may have missed out and to fill in the gaps.
November 8, 2025
I don’t know if this is a suggested / recommended read for women (specifically addresses men and the stages of life that are important to the development of becoming a ‘man’) but I learned a lot, my empathy for the men in my life grew and I think I better understand the perspective they’re coming from in life & the strength they have to offer women.
July 20, 2020
Good read. Interesting take on manhood and the journey through different stages and what is to be learned at each point. Also discussed the negatives for spending too much time in one stage and not progressing as your experiences grow.
Would recommend it to young men or parents with boys. Very short and easy read.
Would recommend it to young men or parents with boys. Very short and easy read.
February 3, 2023
In this book, Eldredge lays out a framework for the stages of a man's life - the "masculine journey": boy, cowboy, warrior, lover, king, and sage. Many men have not fully matured, he argues, wounded somewhere along the way - and we must go back, seek healing where we need it, and pursue a more complete maturation, with God as Father.
"What I'm suggesting is a new way of looking at your life as a man. To see your life as a process of initiation into masculine maturity, and your Father doing the initiating."
Eldredge has fairly traditional views toward manhood, and his personal love for the outdoors and stories (such as Lord of the Rings) really shape his presentation. Still, reading this was a valuable opportunity to reflect on my own upbringing and current life stage, and it provided a framework for understanding myself and the ways I still have to grow. Thank you Justin for the recommendation!
"What I'm suggesting is a new way of looking at your life as a man. To see your life as a process of initiation into masculine maturity, and your Father doing the initiating."
Eldredge has fairly traditional views toward manhood, and his personal love for the outdoors and stories (such as Lord of the Rings) really shape his presentation. Still, reading this was a valuable opportunity to reflect on my own upbringing and current life stage, and it provided a framework for understanding myself and the ways I still have to grow. Thank you Justin for the recommendation!
January 4, 2017
Strong medicine
This book has some strong soul medicine. However, I wouldn't recommend reading this until after reading Wild At Heart. Its like starting with the second book of the series. While you can figure it out, it doesn't come as naturally.
The overall theme on the stages of masculinity is an interesting concept. I appreciate the approach Eldridge takes to explain that the stages are not rigid timelines, but are fluid based on a man's personal journey.
Deeper still are points that apply salve to my wounded soul. Eldridge gives encouragement to those whose wounds have kept them from progressing in certain ways in their journey.
I feel I need to read this book again for both the big picture and for the individual points that speak to my wounds.
This book is encouraging me to be brave in the face of taking the next challenge. To risk failure and defeat in the pursuit of good, of something that reflects God. It wakes a desire inside to really live. For me that isn't climbing rock faces. That's Eldridge's thing. Each of us is different. The point is, there is a masculine journey that is fashioned by desires in our hearts. Desires given to us by a God who created us for this journey.
This book has some strong soul medicine. However, I wouldn't recommend reading this until after reading Wild At Heart. Its like starting with the second book of the series. While you can figure it out, it doesn't come as naturally.
The overall theme on the stages of masculinity is an interesting concept. I appreciate the approach Eldridge takes to explain that the stages are not rigid timelines, but are fluid based on a man's personal journey.
Deeper still are points that apply salve to my wounded soul. Eldridge gives encouragement to those whose wounds have kept them from progressing in certain ways in their journey.
I feel I need to read this book again for both the big picture and for the individual points that speak to my wounds.
This book is encouraging me to be brave in the face of taking the next challenge. To risk failure and defeat in the pursuit of good, of something that reflects God. It wakes a desire inside to really live. For me that isn't climbing rock faces. That's Eldridge's thing. Each of us is different. The point is, there is a masculine journey that is fashioned by desires in our hearts. Desires given to us by a God who created us for this journey.
December 18, 2020
Buried under a myriad of cliches and fluff, there are some genuinely inspiring nuggets of information in this book. Those moments are potent enough that I'd highly recommend this book, albeit with a large asterisk.
His writing style is unusual - almost jarringly so at times. it's hard to describe exactly how, but the author throws in a lot of informal jargon and tropified language that can be distracting.
He doesn't claim to be an expert, but instead draws from what he's learned in his own experience and in that of others'. That humility is the only reason this book feels like it works. If he HAD claimed to be any sort of expert, that credibility would have been quickly diminished by other parts of the book (e.g. When one of his points leaned upon the outdated pseudo-psychological idea of right/left-brained thinking, and that men are naturally more left-brained)
Overall, as long as you're not inclined to throw the baby out with the bathwater, there's a lot of good things worth reading through in this book.
His writing style is unusual - almost jarringly so at times. it's hard to describe exactly how, but the author throws in a lot of informal jargon and tropified language that can be distracting.
He doesn't claim to be an expert, but instead draws from what he's learned in his own experience and in that of others'. That humility is the only reason this book feels like it works. If he HAD claimed to be any sort of expert, that credibility would have been quickly diminished by other parts of the book (e.g. When one of his points leaned upon the outdated pseudo-psychological idea of right/left-brained thinking, and that men are naturally more left-brained)
Overall, as long as you're not inclined to throw the baby out with the bathwater, there's a lot of good things worth reading through in this book.
February 4, 2022
According to research by experts, the perceived closeness to fathers by their sons (and daughters) continues to provide a significant contribution to offspring adult happiness, life satisfaction, and minimal psychological distress. Yet, what happens when that most important bond is not achieved; what happens to a young man when his father is absent, distant, abusive, or uncaring? In ‘Fathered by God’ Eldredge offers a solution for every man throughout each and every stage of his journey to mature manhood. I wholeheartedly recommend this book for all men suffering the wounds of one of the most negatively impactful crises of our time, broken fatherhood, and for those men who wish to grow in the greatest relationship of all—friendship with the Eternal Father. I found the book deeply moving, insightful, and practical; I am blessed for having read it!
July 16, 2018
An updated version of Eldridge's "The Way of the Wild Heart." Very, very good. I still haven't found a book on manhood that surpasses this one.
August 20, 2024
3⭐️
This book was a weird one for me.
I was recommended wild at heart a couple of years ago and I did not finish it. The book just wasn't for me, I was frustrated by how boxed in his opinion on masculinity was and its continuous secular references. And I just assumed John Eldridge just wasn't for me.
Well a couple years later I was recommended this book by multiple people saying how this is different from wild at heart and it's more toned down. I was like ok maybe in my arrogance I didn't give John the time of day so I wanted to give this book a try. And boy was this book a roller coaster.
There were parts of this book (very much like wild at heart) where I could not get away from his boxed in view of masculinity where I felt a little bit outcasted because I am not your wooded granola man. The two chapters (cowboy, and warrior) I really felt this from. Those two chapter were really tough to get through. And not that I didn't take anything from it, it just felt condescending at times.
Another thing that really got under my skin in this book was the amount of secular warrior movie references. Again I get his point and it gives an illustration that we can understand but it felt like he was getting his philosophy of manhood from Lord of the rings and that would just get under my skin.
Something else that I just disagree with John fundamentally is the need for a woman. I have brothers and sisters who just don't feel called to marriage and I think this book can be damaging for people like that when it can be perceived that the peak of manhood is getting married and finding a lover. Didn't sit well with me.
But.... wow there were some incredible parts to this book. The end of the chapter lover (the last 10 pages) were hands down the best part of this book. The concept of allowing God (the true lover) to heal your deepest wounds that have festered itself from your younger years was truly beautiful. The chapter on boyhood was very helpful for me in showing me what I might have missed as a kid. And then the last two chapter (king and sage) were also good (no groundbreaking like the other two but just good).
Overall I think John is just not totally for me. I would never tell people not to read him. And I think this is a book that some men need to get their hands on. But I have some close brothers in Christ who are a bit more on the feminine side and I think they would just feel outcasted by this even further. I'm very much in the middle on this book.
While I don't agree with him on everything I thank him for his faithfulness to Jesus and wanting to know him deeper. This book has challenged me in areas that I needed!
This book was a weird one for me.
I was recommended wild at heart a couple of years ago and I did not finish it. The book just wasn't for me, I was frustrated by how boxed in his opinion on masculinity was and its continuous secular references. And I just assumed John Eldridge just wasn't for me.
Well a couple years later I was recommended this book by multiple people saying how this is different from wild at heart and it's more toned down. I was like ok maybe in my arrogance I didn't give John the time of day so I wanted to give this book a try. And boy was this book a roller coaster.
There were parts of this book (very much like wild at heart) where I could not get away from his boxed in view of masculinity where I felt a little bit outcasted because I am not your wooded granola man. The two chapters (cowboy, and warrior) I really felt this from. Those two chapter were really tough to get through. And not that I didn't take anything from it, it just felt condescending at times.
Another thing that really got under my skin in this book was the amount of secular warrior movie references. Again I get his point and it gives an illustration that we can understand but it felt like he was getting his philosophy of manhood from Lord of the rings and that would just get under my skin.
Something else that I just disagree with John fundamentally is the need for a woman. I have brothers and sisters who just don't feel called to marriage and I think this book can be damaging for people like that when it can be perceived that the peak of manhood is getting married and finding a lover. Didn't sit well with me.
But.... wow there were some incredible parts to this book. The end of the chapter lover (the last 10 pages) were hands down the best part of this book. The concept of allowing God (the true lover) to heal your deepest wounds that have festered itself from your younger years was truly beautiful. The chapter on boyhood was very helpful for me in showing me what I might have missed as a kid. And then the last two chapter (king and sage) were also good (no groundbreaking like the other two but just good).
Overall I think John is just not totally for me. I would never tell people not to read him. And I think this is a book that some men need to get their hands on. But I have some close brothers in Christ who are a bit more on the feminine side and I think they would just feel outcasted by this even further. I'm very much in the middle on this book.
While I don't agree with him on everything I thank him for his faithfulness to Jesus and wanting to know him deeper. This book has challenged me in areas that I needed!
June 29, 2023
I appreciated this book for its (in my opinion) gentle and empathetic voice toward “uninitiated” men trying to find their path through life. This was my first John Eldredge book and I sometimes get the sense people find his work polarizing. Even so, I liked this book. Eldredge writes the way I would largely expect a Christian counselor of predominantly men to write. I appreciated his framework for the stages of a man’s life (and particularly what it looks like to be “wounded” in each of those stages).
Is it maybe overly simplistic at times? Sure. Are there going to be men who don’t resonate with this because, for instance, they never wanted to be a cowboy or don’t go fishing or rock climbing? Probably. But this book, to me at least, is not saying “All men should want to be cowboys and kings, specifically.” Instead it’s asking a deeper question - what are the unique aspects of a man’s heart? How does it flourish, and where does it falter? What happens when a man’s heart is broken, and crucially, how can we invite God to heal it?
So, I can take with a grain of salt some of the aspects that don’t quite ring true because I overall appreciated the encouragement to men (particularly men whose relationships with their fathers are complicated or nonexistent) to learn to be “Fathered by God” above all, no matter what stage of life they’re in.
Is it maybe overly simplistic at times? Sure. Are there going to be men who don’t resonate with this because, for instance, they never wanted to be a cowboy or don’t go fishing or rock climbing? Probably. But this book, to me at least, is not saying “All men should want to be cowboys and kings, specifically.” Instead it’s asking a deeper question - what are the unique aspects of a man’s heart? How does it flourish, and where does it falter? What happens when a man’s heart is broken, and crucially, how can we invite God to heal it?
So, I can take with a grain of salt some of the aspects that don’t quite ring true because I overall appreciated the encouragement to men (particularly men whose relationships with their fathers are complicated or nonexistent) to learn to be “Fathered by God” above all, no matter what stage of life they’re in.
November 11, 2024
This is written by the same guy who wrote Wild At Heart, which I know some people have mixed opinions on as far as his “embrace masculinity” messaging (I for one found that book compelling and a good balancing act when you read something like Gentle & Lowly and can tend to neglect the awe and majesty of God and his power).
This book continues a lot of the same themes as far as embracing the call for men, but this is more dedicated to the different stages of a man’s life and adopting the appropriate responsibilities and maturity of each. A lot of good practical wisdom is shared and I really appreciated the emphasis on the importance of fatherhood and shepherding those who either don’t have a father around or have been wounded or neglected by theirs.
The constant theme throughout is that yes, all these men and all these stages are important to being initiated into what we were created and called to be as men, but there is a Father who has been there, longs to be with us, and will never abandon us. Our call to be sons of God is the ultimate destiny, and what a sweet reminder that is as someone who no longer has the earthly father presence in his life!
This book continues a lot of the same themes as far as embracing the call for men, but this is more dedicated to the different stages of a man’s life and adopting the appropriate responsibilities and maturity of each. A lot of good practical wisdom is shared and I really appreciated the emphasis on the importance of fatherhood and shepherding those who either don’t have a father around or have been wounded or neglected by theirs.
The constant theme throughout is that yes, all these men and all these stages are important to being initiated into what we were created and called to be as men, but there is a Father who has been there, longs to be with us, and will never abandon us. Our call to be sons of God is the ultimate destiny, and what a sweet reminder that is as someone who no longer has the earthly father presence in his life!
May 17, 2025
I read this book in 2014 and really enjoyed it. I reread it recently since I remembered enjoying it and it held up really well.
I've found Eldredge's "stages in a man's life" to have been really helpful for me in trying to put words to the different parts of myself.
Eldredge seems to have a reputation as representing toxic masculinity, but I really disagree. Central tenets of this book are to focus on developing a vulnerable, conversational relationship with God to help heal parts of ourselves that are wounded, in addition to developing the "lover" in men. Aspects of the lover including pursuing art, poetry, and relationships.
He does talk about being a "warrior" and "cowboy", which are more stereotypical to a "stages of man" type of book. But I do really appreciate the balance Eldredge gives to both stereotypical powerful and vulnerable aspects of masculinity. I'd really recommend this book for any Christian guy looking for an emotionally healthy way to pursue different arts of themselves.
I've found Eldredge's "stages in a man's life" to have been really helpful for me in trying to put words to the different parts of myself.
Eldredge seems to have a reputation as representing toxic masculinity, but I really disagree. Central tenets of this book are to focus on developing a vulnerable, conversational relationship with God to help heal parts of ourselves that are wounded, in addition to developing the "lover" in men. Aspects of the lover including pursuing art, poetry, and relationships.
He does talk about being a "warrior" and "cowboy", which are more stereotypical to a "stages of man" type of book. But I do really appreciate the balance Eldredge gives to both stereotypical powerful and vulnerable aspects of masculinity. I'd really recommend this book for any Christian guy looking for an emotionally healthy way to pursue different arts of themselves.
April 20, 2021
This book gut punched me over and over and over again, not by hard truths but by digging deep into my heart and plucking all the strings. I have felt my deep need for fatherly love in my own soul and this book addressed that need in profound ways. In fact, I downloaded the study guide and will be re-reading it along with the guide for the good of my soul. I feel like Eldredge gets the heart cry of a man and how he needs to find it.
Now, a whole lot of the book is physically-oriented, like rock climbing and working on a ranch and the such. But I think that's more the application of Eldredge's own life more than an expectation that all men would go down that same road. Regardless, I know I need to breathe in these truths again and again, because--as much as I hate to admit it--I carry wounds from missing the fathering I needed as a boy and I need my true Daddy to meet those needs.
Now, a whole lot of the book is physically-oriented, like rock climbing and working on a ranch and the such. But I think that's more the application of Eldredge's own life more than an expectation that all men would go down that same road. Regardless, I know I need to breathe in these truths again and again, because--as much as I hate to admit it--I carry wounds from missing the fathering I needed as a boy and I need my true Daddy to meet those needs.
February 15, 2023
I've read this twice now, which is rare for me to read a book more than once. I'm thinking about going through the workbook now for a third time through the book. I can't repeat it yet verbally when talking with somebody, so I'm trying to get it into my long-term memory. Yes, it's that good. He captures the stages of male maturity from a Scriptural perspective, while writing in an accessible style for 21st century readers.
May 29, 2025
I like the model and I think it is correct. We can make symbolic connections with the three powers of the soul (desire, irascibility, intellect). The last 3 stages are a deeper unfolding of the first 3:
Personnal development:
1. Boy (epithymia)
2. Cowboy (thymos)
3. Warrior (logos)
Inter-personnal development:
4. Lover (epithymia)
5. King (thymos)
6. Sage (logos)
I wish there would have been more on how to heal the boy/cowboy stage.
Personnal development:
1. Boy (epithymia)
2. Cowboy (thymos)
3. Warrior (logos)
Inter-personnal development:
4. Lover (epithymia)
5. King (thymos)
6. Sage (logos)
I wish there would have been more on how to heal the boy/cowboy stage.
April 10, 2022
An excellent book. It was suggested to me by a college friend, and I'm very thankful for it being placed in my life. A lot of great lessons here for men. I have seen the impact on the adult world that the lack of father's has had and I am afraid to step into it (adulthood that is), but these words have comforted and edified me in my walk with Christ.
John if you read this, thank you.
John if you read this, thank you.
June 28, 2025
I read Wild at Heart in high school or college and didn’t really resonate with it. I felt like a had a good understanding of Eldredge’s experience of growing as a man, but struggled to relate it to my own.
This reads like an improved extension of Wild at Heart, continuing some of the same themes and adding a pretty comprehensive adaptation of the masculine archetypes found in Moore and Gillette’s King, Warrior, Magician, Lover. Structuring the book according to the archetypes gives a more universal feel to Fathered by God. There are still plenty of anecdotes related to mountain climbing, fly fishing, wilderness adventures, and of course Norman MacLean. But overall, this book will definitely encourage you to be a better man and father.
This reads like an improved extension of Wild at Heart, continuing some of the same themes and adding a pretty comprehensive adaptation of the masculine archetypes found in Moore and Gillette’s King, Warrior, Magician, Lover. Structuring the book according to the archetypes gives a more universal feel to Fathered by God. There are still plenty of anecdotes related to mountain climbing, fly fishing, wilderness adventures, and of course Norman MacLean. But overall, this book will definitely encourage you to be a better man and father.
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