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The Sacred Thread: A True Story of Becoming a Mother and Finding a Family--Half a World Away
An inspiring, often funny, true story of one mother's journey to having her children.
Adrienne Arieff thought her dreams of becoming a mother might never come true. She and her husband soon discovered, however, that parenthood was still possible, but it would require a gift from a perfect stranger. Half a world away, in India, Vaina was happily married with three small children, but with little means to support her family or to build a better life.
Adrienne traveled to India to meet with Dr. Nayna Patel, an expert in surrogacy. There, Adrienne met Vaina, who courageously agreed to be a surrogate and carry Adrienne's child, an act which would, in turn, help Vaina to provide for her own children. Adrienne wanted to feel a connection both to her growing child and to Vaina, the woman who was offering this remarkable gift.
She decided to go back to India, to be Vaina's partner for the last months of her pregnancy. This choice brought its own heartaches and revelations, chief among them, how do you develop a relationship when you don't share a language or culture?
Poignant and eye-opening, The Sacred Thread is a book of the journey these two women took to create a family through foreign surrogacy. The Sacred Thread is a tale of immersing oneself in a different culture; becoming part of a group of expectant mothers, bonded by their hope for children, and following them on the euphoric highs and lows of their journey; and the development of a deep bond between women who have absolutely nothing in common, except for a shared love of family.
Adrienne Arieff thought her dreams of becoming a mother might never come true. She and her husband soon discovered, however, that parenthood was still possible, but it would require a gift from a perfect stranger. Half a world away, in India, Vaina was happily married with three small children, but with little means to support her family or to build a better life.
Adrienne traveled to India to meet with Dr. Nayna Patel, an expert in surrogacy. There, Adrienne met Vaina, who courageously agreed to be a surrogate and carry Adrienne's child, an act which would, in turn, help Vaina to provide for her own children. Adrienne wanted to feel a connection both to her growing child and to Vaina, the woman who was offering this remarkable gift.
She decided to go back to India, to be Vaina's partner for the last months of her pregnancy. This choice brought its own heartaches and revelations, chief among them, how do you develop a relationship when you don't share a language or culture?
Poignant and eye-opening, The Sacred Thread is a book of the journey these two women took to create a family through foreign surrogacy. The Sacred Thread is a tale of immersing oneself in a different culture; becoming part of a group of expectant mothers, bonded by their hope for children, and following them on the euphoric highs and lows of their journey; and the development of a deep bond between women who have absolutely nothing in common, except for a shared love of family.
240 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2012
8 people are currently reading
497 people want to read
About the author
Adrienne Arieff
4 books21 followersAdrienne, married, 30-something, and childless in San Francisco, was eager to start a family. But after a devastating loss, she didn't believe becoming a mother could ever be possible. Half a world away, in a remote village in India, Vaina was happily married with three small children, but with no means to support her family and build a better life for them all. Poignant, eye-opening, and bittersweet,The Sacred Thread is a memoir of the astonishing journey these two young women took to create a family through international surrogacy.
ADRIENNE ARIEFF is the principal of Arieff Communications. She lives in San Francisco with her husband and her twin daughters, Emma and India.
ADRIENNE ARIEFF is the principal of Arieff Communications. She lives in San Francisco with her husband and her twin daughters, Emma and India.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 61 reviews
March 24, 2012
I enjoyed reading about this journey. The author does a great job of setting the scene (I love to read about India), explaining the surrogate process and pouring in all the emotion that goes along with an infertile woman's journey towards motherhood. I have to admit, some of the time, the story felt a little self indulgent. Or maybe defensive is a better word. I had to take breaks from reading the book, but perhaps that is only because I've had a similar, but different journey toward motherhood. I didn't need to be told so many times why this was not only the best choice for her, but also a good and moral/ethical choice all around; I got that. I was also a bit surprised when she appeared to judge other women in her exact same shoes because they might choose to send their frozen eggs to India instead of flying themselves. "Having a baby shouldn't be like Internet shopping," Arieff admonishes. I can think of several reasons why a woman might choose to start her journey that way and I certainly would not think less of her for it. But overall, this was an interesting read.
February 20, 2012
I was one of the lucky winners of an uncorrected proof copy of this book from the First Reads book giveaways on Goodreads!
In this amazing, and emotional story we follow the author Adrienne Arieff on her journey towards becoming a mother. She had it all, a great rewarding career, a loving husband with an equally rewarding career, but one thing was missing. She decided it was time to become more than just husband and wife, it was time to become a family.
Adrienne quickly became pregnant! She and her husband Alex were soaring through the clouds on happiness! They had the sonogram done, and discovered they were going to be the proud parents of a little girl. Then unexpectedly they lost it all, and no matter how hard they tried they could not seem to make their dream of becoming parents a reality.
While talking to their doctor he suggested they try surrogacy. Almost as is if destiny were calling, Alex hands Adrienne an article about surrogacy in India that he found in the New York Times shortly after their doctor visit. Where that leads this couple unfolds in this book in a beautiful and touching story of becoming a family.
I watched the episode that Oprah did on the surrogacy program in India , and felt without even reading this book that this was a wonderful idea as it was extremely beneficial to all involved. Many have different views on this topic, but I think once someone has read this book they will come to more of an understanding.
I believe this will be a hit, and an inspiration for those thinking of taking this same journey. I honestly didn't expect to enjoy a book on this topic as much as I did. It's very touching, and keeps you hooked all the way to the end.
In this amazing, and emotional story we follow the author Adrienne Arieff on her journey towards becoming a mother. She had it all, a great rewarding career, a loving husband with an equally rewarding career, but one thing was missing. She decided it was time to become more than just husband and wife, it was time to become a family.
Adrienne quickly became pregnant! She and her husband Alex were soaring through the clouds on happiness! They had the sonogram done, and discovered they were going to be the proud parents of a little girl. Then unexpectedly they lost it all, and no matter how hard they tried they could not seem to make their dream of becoming parents a reality.
While talking to their doctor he suggested they try surrogacy. Almost as is if destiny were calling, Alex hands Adrienne an article about surrogacy in India that he found in the New York Times shortly after their doctor visit. Where that leads this couple unfolds in this book in a beautiful and touching story of becoming a family.
I watched the episode that Oprah did on the surrogacy program in India , and felt without even reading this book that this was a wonderful idea as it was extremely beneficial to all involved. Many have different views on this topic, but I think once someone has read this book they will come to more of an understanding.
I believe this will be a hit, and an inspiration for those thinking of taking this same journey. I honestly didn't expect to enjoy a book on this topic as much as I did. It's very touching, and keeps you hooked all the way to the end.
May 8, 2012
I was fortunate to win a copy of this book through Goodreads.
This book is the story of how the author is able to become a mother due to International Surrogacy. After three awful miscarriages, she travels to India for IVF and a surrogate carries her twin daughters.
The first part of the book is heartbreaking. Tears ran down my face as I read about the author's losses and how terrible it was. The book also thoughfully examined the dilemmas involved with international surrogacy - is this an exploitation of women that are so poor they are literally selling their bodies, or is this a case of one woman helping another as they share their resources? It is thoughtfully examined.
The book is a bit repetitive in the middle, I got the sense that the author was likely stretching for length, which is a shame, as a shorter memoir would have been just as powerful in content as one that was stretched out. I also feel like there would have been more opportunity for the author to give details about life in India as she was waiting for the babies, as that was among the best written parts.
Overall, a touching memoir about a subject that desperately needs more discussion and understanding.
This book is the story of how the author is able to become a mother due to International Surrogacy. After three awful miscarriages, she travels to India for IVF and a surrogate carries her twin daughters.
The first part of the book is heartbreaking. Tears ran down my face as I read about the author's losses and how terrible it was. The book also thoughfully examined the dilemmas involved with international surrogacy - is this an exploitation of women that are so poor they are literally selling their bodies, or is this a case of one woman helping another as they share their resources? It is thoughtfully examined.
The book is a bit repetitive in the middle, I got the sense that the author was likely stretching for length, which is a shame, as a shorter memoir would have been just as powerful in content as one that was stretched out. I also feel like there would have been more opportunity for the author to give details about life in India as she was waiting for the babies, as that was among the best written parts.
Overall, a touching memoir about a subject that desperately needs more discussion and understanding.
September 18, 2013
"The Sacred Thread" by Adrienne Arieff is a wonderfully written true story as experienced by the author. It is the trials and hardships of trying to have a Child and being unable. Adrienne Arieff shows us how she became a Mother through surrogacy outside the United States. She shows the many challenges and blessings she experienced as a result of her controversial choices.
This is a must read for those trying to have a child that have been unable, for whatever reason. It offers options and information that can give hope.
I want to thank the author, Adrienne Arieff, and Crown Publishing for sending me a first-reads copy.
This is a must read for those trying to have a child that have been unable, for whatever reason. It offers options and information that can give hope.
I want to thank the author, Adrienne Arieff, and Crown Publishing for sending me a first-reads copy.
April 23, 2012
I really wanted to like this--I'm sympathetic to infertility stories, so was predisposed to forgive the author when she seemed self-indulgent or whiny, and I found the premise of the story interesting, but it was just so poorly written/edited that it detracted from my being able to pay attention to just the story. A good edit could make this a much better story, getting rid of the disorganization, repetition, errors, factual confusion and general mawkishness.
April 4, 2012
My favorite part of the book, besides her honesty of miscarrying, was the attention she brings to her surrogate, Vaina. As a big advocate of birth-moms, I think it is important to remember and hold to high esteem, the women who sacrifice their bodies and their hearts for the baby(s) they love and provide life.
November 20, 2012
An interesting look at surrogacy. Like many other reviewers, I think Arieff wrote this book not only to convince others the surrogacy program was not exploiting Indian women, but to convince herself as well.
March 7, 2012
This is a heartwarming, emotional story that is enjoyable to read.
December 28, 2020
This was a free ARC that had been sitting on my shelf since 2012. I found the author annoying; it was lots of "India is so colorful and exotic!" and "India is now a second home to me!" and "I love our surrogate and I can't imagine her not being in our lives!" and I just wanted to tell her to CHILL THE FUCK OUT. And leave your surrogate ALONE. The woman wants to be PAID and go home to her family. But I can't really relate to her situation so I'm judging her harshly.
(Oh, and per her descriptions her husband is the most perfect man in the world. So grounded, so loving, so supportive, so full of frequent flyer miles and $$$$$$$$$.)
(Oh, and per her descriptions her husband is the most perfect man in the world. So grounded, so loving, so supportive, so full of frequent flyer miles and $$$$$$$$$.)
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 20, 2019
A beautiful, intriguing and hopeful true story about the amazing gift and role of motherhood and its lovely influence on families.
November 3, 2014
The Sacred Thread: A True Story of Becoming a Mother and Finding a Family--Half a World Away was entrancing story of finding a gestational surrogate and forming a friendship with her.
Adrienne Arieff and her husband Alex had a great marriage but yearned for child to love. She struggled through several miscarriages because of fibroids but could not bring a child to term. She searched for a surrogacy clinic but found many problems with the ones in the U.S. One of them being that you have no guarantee that the baby will remain yours after it was born and the other is the tremendous cost.
She also had a requirement that she would not budge on concerning the surrogate mother. She wanted to make sure that the surrogate was well treated and cared for.
She found everything that she wanted in the Akanksha Infertility Clinic in Anand, India. This is the story of her experience there and her unique friendship with the surrogate, Vaina.
I have read previous books on surrogacy but never one set in Northern India and that was the bonus for me. It was a great bonus to learn about the culture and habits of the people in that state. This is in addition to story of friendship. The author tells the story as if she was talking to a friend and I really enjoyed that.
Anyone who wants to learn more about surrogacy or even just about the people in a small town in Northern India will definitely enjoy this book.
Adrienne Arieff and her husband Alex had a great marriage but yearned for child to love. She struggled through several miscarriages because of fibroids but could not bring a child to term. She searched for a surrogacy clinic but found many problems with the ones in the U.S. One of them being that you have no guarantee that the baby will remain yours after it was born and the other is the tremendous cost.
She also had a requirement that she would not budge on concerning the surrogate mother. She wanted to make sure that the surrogate was well treated and cared for.
She found everything that she wanted in the Akanksha Infertility Clinic in Anand, India. This is the story of her experience there and her unique friendship with the surrogate, Vaina.
I have read previous books on surrogacy but never one set in Northern India and that was the bonus for me. It was a great bonus to learn about the culture and habits of the people in that state. This is in addition to story of friendship. The author tells the story as if she was talking to a friend and I really enjoyed that.
Anyone who wants to learn more about surrogacy or even just about the people in a small town in Northern India will definitely enjoy this book.
August 19, 2012
Adrienne is in her thirties and has been trying to conceive. With fibroid tumours she has been unfortunate and had several miscarriages, leaving her and her husband distraught and wondering if they will ever be parents.
They discover Dr Nayna Patels fertility and surrogacy service in rural India, and this is where Adrienne travels to in an attempt to find a surrogate for her baby.
It was an interesting memoir, and I felt that she dealt with the moral and ethical issues fairly. For the young mother who became Adriennes surrogate, the money she earnt was equivalent to ten years of her husbands salary. One has to hope that this money would be able to provide opportunities for her and her family, but it does make you think about rich westerners exploiting third world woman. It did seem however, that the clinic was run well with a hostel type environment for the expectant mothers with good nutrition, medical advice and education.
I was touched by this little book, both by the story of becoming a mother and the time spent in rural India. 4/5
They discover Dr Nayna Patels fertility and surrogacy service in rural India, and this is where Adrienne travels to in an attempt to find a surrogate for her baby.
It was an interesting memoir, and I felt that she dealt with the moral and ethical issues fairly. For the young mother who became Adriennes surrogate, the money she earnt was equivalent to ten years of her husbands salary. One has to hope that this money would be able to provide opportunities for her and her family, but it does make you think about rich westerners exploiting third world woman. It did seem however, that the clinic was run well with a hostel type environment for the expectant mothers with good nutrition, medical advice and education.
I was touched by this little book, both by the story of becoming a mother and the time spent in rural India. 4/5
Read
September 17, 2012In The Sacred Thread, Adrienne Arieff chooses gestational surrogacy in India. At age 36, after three miscarriages and upon receiving news that uterine fibroids would likely preclude a full-term pregnancy, Arieff explores surrogacy as an alternate route to motherhood. She and her husband Alex research options, consider surrogacy at home in the US, but opt for the Akanksha Infertility Clinic in Anand, India, where their surrogate, a woman from a remote village, will be paid:
"To me this was not exploitation. This was a win-win, allowing the surrogate to have a brighter future and the couple to have a child. If my money was going to benefit an Indian woman financially for a service she willingly provided, I preferred that it be a poor woman who really needed help because the money that a surrogate earns in India is, to be blunt, life-changing."
Read Literary Mama's complete review here: http://www.literarymama.com/reviews/a...
"To me this was not exploitation. This was a win-win, allowing the surrogate to have a brighter future and the couple to have a child. If my money was going to benefit an Indian woman financially for a service she willingly provided, I preferred that it be a poor woman who really needed help because the money that a surrogate earns in India is, to be blunt, life-changing."
Read Literary Mama's complete review here: http://www.literarymama.com/reviews/a...
July 2, 2012
Anyone considering international surrogacy would do well to read Adrienne Arieff's memoir. The Sacred Thread helped me understand the anguish of women, unable to carry a baby to term, and why anyone would take this route. The author chooses a specialized clinic, mentioned on Oprah, in a rural village near the border with Pakistan. Arieff communicates the physical shock of being plunked down in the middle of a foreign country but also captures the last-minute doubts mothers-to-be-through-surrogacy experience. I had no idea that surrogacy in India was so much less expensive: $15,000 rather than $50 to $100,00 in the USA. Adrienne describes "the indescribably odd experience of having a baby without being pregnant or giving birth" with total candor. The memoir covers the emotional impact of this choice, as well as the ethical issues related to having a stranger carry your baby.
April 3, 2012
I was a lucky winner of an uncorrected proof copy of this book from the First Reads book giveaways on Goodreads. I thought this was a wonderful book. I admire Adrienne's courage and humor. This was intensely personal and some heavy subject matter, but she somehow kept it lighthearted. There were definitely sad moments, and I can't imagine how difficult the retelling of some events must have been. I'm one of the very fortunate women, who never struggled with getting pregnant, never suffered the incomprehensible loss of a miscarriage. I have enormous respect for Adrienne and what she went through, and I'm reminded to never take for granted the precious gifts that were given to me so freely.
April 23, 2012
I loved this book! This book inspired me, it made me feel wonderful about being a woman in our country and it made me want to learn more. I LOVED the way all the women in India came together to help take care of these babies! Whenever Adrienne needed help someone was there. Affecting me very profoundly however was that these women don't seem to do that for their own. I was very bothered by the treatment of the women in India as I read it from a first hand account. I was so frustrated when in the end Vaina's husband just wanted her to surrogate again so HE could buy a new taxi to replace the one HE wrecked. Seriously buddy, go out and get a job! I'm interested in learning more about the practice of surrogacy in India
April 21, 2012
I enjoyed this book as it was different from many that I've read. She hires a surrogate in India to have a child for her and it's about that journey. At first I thought it was a wonderful way for both parties to benefit. She got twins and the surrogate was paid a significant amount of money to help her family in India. And then I started thinking about how this Indian woman had very few options and I felt like she getting taken advantage of. By the end of the book, I was also tired of the author's condescending view of the surrogates life. She tried to pass it off as caring, but it really came off as an American hoping to change a less enlightened woman about her role. Overall, I enjoyed the book, but fundamentally disagree with the choice.
March 26, 2012
I enjoyed reading this book, but found myself wanting more. I found it to be more of an easy read than I had expected considering the subject matter. Instead of a heart wrenching infertility journey, it seemed to be a story of the author defending her choices and even selling the idea of surrogacy in India. The story was good, just not what I expected. I enjoyed the information on India and their culture. In the end the author even stated how she was glad she was experiencing everything in India, not America. She felt that at home she would have been forced to make decisions or buy items she truly did not want or need.
January 22, 2013
A memoir about an incredible journey to becoming a mother through foreign surrogacy. But not at all a well-written book, full of cliches and stereotypes about India and Indians. I need to count the number of times she used the phrase "I felt instantly at home" when referring to her first visit to Anand in Gujrat India, or her meetings with Vaina, a poor Indian woman who agreed to carry her babies. Her insistence that "India and Vaina have taught me to go with the flow" is clearly not at all the case; this is one new mom who could use some lessons in mindfulness and acceptance of others' personal and cultural boundaries.
June 4, 2016
Came across this book quite by accident, and learned of a whole new field in how to become a family. Sure I've known of surrogacy, but such high profile cases were often negative and fueled by judicial systems unsupportive of biological parents. This memoir includes the psychosocial experiences of all participants, the international and cultural ramifications, the diverse expectations of women on opposite sides of the earth, and a refreshing optimistic attitude that overcomes much adversity. Recommended for advocates of women, those in the childbirth and adoption fields, and for people curious of international relations.
July 26, 2016
Interesting story of a woman's quest to become a mother (and her husband to become a father) in the face of infertility an infant loss. I knew about surrogacy pregnancies, but had no idea how far you could go to do that. I loved the parts about India and feeling like I was there. I was touched by her descriptions of feelings and what she went through to become a mother. Not having had to resort to any drastic measures to become a mother myself, it was that more admiring. My favorite parts were the descriptions of India for sure.
July 12, 2012
A disclosure: The author is my niece. But even though I know her well, this book taught me a lot about her and her mettle during a time she suffered several miscarriages and then decided with her husband to seek a surrogate mother in India to carry their child. Through the book I learned a lot about surrogacy and India as well as my niece. Some of her friends have criticized her, she writes, for paying a woman in a far-away land to bear her child. But to me, this is a love story, all around, carried off with considerable cheer, wonder and self-knowledge.
July 27, 2012
After suffering the heartache of 3 miscarriages, Adrienne Arieff and her husband Alex decide to take the path of surrogacy to parenthood. Their choice of a clinic in India might be considered by some to be carrying "outsourcing" too far but Adrienne answers the questions and criticisms of friends and families deftly. However, this is still a thought-provoking book when you consider the story not just from the Arieffs' point of view but also from that of Vaina, the young woman who eventually gives birth to their twin daughters.
October 1, 2012
This was a book I would recommend. It is the story of the author, after struggling with infertility, going through a surrogate-in India, to have a child. This is an interesting, true story, well written. An easy read, that went by quickly. The story of how the author interacted with her Indian surrogate and the bond created, despite the language barrier is very touching. It is an amazing story of how strong that desire for a child is for many women. A interesting story--with a happy ending! Enjoy!
March 27, 2012
This book was such a wonderful story of how one family journeyed into children. I really appreciated how the author didn't focus on her getting to the point of needing a surrogate but rather how her process played out. the book was so interesting to me that I couldn't put it down. I in fact read it from cover to cover in one day. Read this book even if you are not a mother the tale is more about not giving up and finding your happiness in whatever/however you can.
September 29, 2014
I found this to be an excellent memoir of one woman's journey of how she chose surrogacy as her method of dealing with infertility. The characters leapt off the page along with her marvelous descriptions of her stay in India, however I found her writing to be a bit overly effusive at the end (perhaps understandably so). I also liked how she dealt with the perception of exploitation she encountered.
I read this as part of the First Reads Giveaway.
I read this as part of the First Reads Giveaway.
September 22, 2016
This book has been on my to read list for a number of years. It was recommended to me by a reading group member. It is the true account of a woman's desire for a child. She has been unable to successfully complete a pregnancy. After exhaustive research she and her husband decide to use IVF and a surrogate mother. Their best option is a surrogacy agency in India. It reads like a very well written journal. It is a very detailed account of setting as well as emotions.
July 19, 2012
This is a wonderful story about a couple who chose to use a surrogate after many miscarriages. However, the surrogate lives in India. She talks about her journey traveling back and forth and how she ended up with twins!!
I kind of got sick of reading it half way thru. But overall - a good story.
I kind of got sick of reading it half way thru. But overall - a good story.
September 13, 2012
A wonderful true story of a woman and her road to becoming a mom. Very well written! It pulled me in and I didn't want the beautiful story to stop. I would love to read more about the twins as they grow. I learned so much about surrogacy and all the emotions and red tape that goes along with it.
December 24, 2014
I really enjoyed this memoir of the unique experience of an American woman who, after several unsuccessful pregnancies makes the life-changing decision to use a surrogate in a clinic in a small town in India. Adrienne and her surrogate form a very special bond, in spite of the fact that they are from vastly different backgrounds, as they spend time together waiting for the birth.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 61 reviews