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Have You Found Her
And every week, there was the unspoken question, the one I didn’t know enough to ask myself : Have you found her yet? The one who reminds you of you?
Twenty years after she lived at a homeless shelter for teens, Janice Erlbaum went back to volunteer. Now thirty-four years old and a successful writer, she’d changed her life for the better; now she wanted to help someone else–someone like the girl she’d once been.
Then she met Sam. A brilliant nineteen-year-old junkie savant, the product of a horrifically abusive home, Sam had been surviving alone on the streets since she was twelve and was now struggling for sobriety against the adverse health effects of long-term drug abuse.
Soon Janice found herself caring deeply for Sam, following her through detoxes and psych wards, halfway houses and hospitals, becoming ever more manically driven to save her from the sickness and sadness leftover from Sam’s terrible past. But just as Janice was on the verge of becoming the girl’s legal guardian, she made a shocking Sam was sicker than anyone knew, in ways nobody could have imagined.
Written with startling candor and immediacy, Have You Found Her is the story of one woman’s quest to save a girl’s life–and the hard truths she learns about herself along the way.
“A rich and compelling account . . . Ultimately this is a book about the narrator’s journey and the dangers that attend the urge within us all to believe we can save another soul. A terrific read.”
–Cammie McGovern, author of Eye Contact
Twenty years after she lived at a homeless shelter for teens, Janice Erlbaum went back to volunteer. Now thirty-four years old and a successful writer, she’d changed her life for the better; now she wanted to help someone else–someone like the girl she’d once been.
Then she met Sam. A brilliant nineteen-year-old junkie savant, the product of a horrifically abusive home, Sam had been surviving alone on the streets since she was twelve and was now struggling for sobriety against the adverse health effects of long-term drug abuse.
Soon Janice found herself caring deeply for Sam, following her through detoxes and psych wards, halfway houses and hospitals, becoming ever more manically driven to save her from the sickness and sadness leftover from Sam’s terrible past. But just as Janice was on the verge of becoming the girl’s legal guardian, she made a shocking Sam was sicker than anyone knew, in ways nobody could have imagined.
Written with startling candor and immediacy, Have You Found Her is the story of one woman’s quest to save a girl’s life–and the hard truths she learns about herself along the way.
“A rich and compelling account . . . Ultimately this is a book about the narrator’s journey and the dangers that attend the urge within us all to believe we can save another soul. A terrific read.”
–Cammie McGovern, author of Eye Contact
343 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2008
29 people are currently reading
3026 people want to read
About the author
Janice Erlbaum
6 books180 followersJanice Erlbaum writes books, some of which are for tweens, others of which are for adults. She produces a weekly video series called "Advice for Young Writers."
Her books for adults include two memoirs, GIRLBOMB: A Halfway Homeless Memoir (Villard, March ’06), and HAVE YOU FOUND HER: A Memoir (Villard, Feb. ’08), and one novel, I, LIAR (Thought Catalog Books, 2015).
For tweens, her first novel, LUCKY LITTLE THINGS was published by MacMillan Books for Young Readers in July '18. Her next tween book, LET ME FIX THAT FOR YOU, is coming in July '19.
Her poetry and prose have been featured in anthologies including ALOUD: Voices from the Nuyorican Poets Café, THE BUST GUIDE TO THE NEW GIRL ORDER, THE BEST AMERICAN EROTIC POEMS FROM 1800 TO THE PRESENT, THE AUTOBIOGRAPHER’S HANDBOOK: The 826 National Guide to Writing Your Memoir, and VERSES THAT HURT: Pleasure and Pain from the POEMFONE Poets.
She was a contributor to BUST magazine from 1994 through 2007. Her work has been featured in Glamour, Redbook, Marie Claire, Elle, Elle UK, Entertainment Weekly, The New York Post, The New York Daily News, and New York Times. Janice teaches memoir writing and has addressed audiences at colleges, coffee houses, and theaters across the East Coast. She lives in her native New York City.
Her books for adults include two memoirs, GIRLBOMB: A Halfway Homeless Memoir (Villard, March ’06), and HAVE YOU FOUND HER: A Memoir (Villard, Feb. ’08), and one novel, I, LIAR (Thought Catalog Books, 2015).
For tweens, her first novel, LUCKY LITTLE THINGS was published by MacMillan Books for Young Readers in July '18. Her next tween book, LET ME FIX THAT FOR YOU, is coming in July '19.
Her poetry and prose have been featured in anthologies including ALOUD: Voices from the Nuyorican Poets Café, THE BUST GUIDE TO THE NEW GIRL ORDER, THE BEST AMERICAN EROTIC POEMS FROM 1800 TO THE PRESENT, THE AUTOBIOGRAPHER’S HANDBOOK: The 826 National Guide to Writing Your Memoir, and VERSES THAT HURT: Pleasure and Pain from the POEMFONE Poets.
She was a contributor to BUST magazine from 1994 through 2007. Her work has been featured in Glamour, Redbook, Marie Claire, Elle, Elle UK, Entertainment Weekly, The New York Post, The New York Daily News, and New York Times. Janice teaches memoir writing and has addressed audiences at colleges, coffee houses, and theaters across the East Coast. She lives in her native New York City.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 204 reviews
March 29, 2016
This gripping and fascinating memoir reads like fiction. Janice volunteers at a shelter and becomes very attached to a girl there. Things rapidly spiral out of control. This book is shocking – it's like a car accident you can't look away from. Not only can one be addicted to drugs, but one can be addicted to the idea of rescuing, of being the selfless hero. Things are not always what they appear to be. Great book.
August 16, 2011
Before I start my review I just want to comment on the 1 star review that popped up first for me. The reviewer says that Janice and Sam's relationship isn't fleshed out. I want to say that, in my opinion, the relationship between the two couldn't be more fleshed out. I think the reviewer, for whatever reason, really missed or ignored some valuable parts of the story. It seems as if he or she feels very strongly and didn't like the book for a number of reasons. No problem. I liked it myself. But I also want to give a differing opinion to anyone who may read that and believe it without checking for themselves.
Now, on to my feelings. :)
I'll probably end up forgetting some of what I want to say because a lot went through my head while reading this. First I should say that it only took me 4 or 5 days to read this because I've been so busy. Had I had the usual amount of reading time I normally have I'd have finished it in a day or two - no more. It flows. Janice is a fantastic writer which she proved so easily with Girlbomb: A Halfway Homeless Memoir. Nothing different with that.
I wasn't expecting the ending. I'm not much for wishing for happy endings. Some are fine, more are unrealistic. I tend to like my non-fiction realistic whenever possible. ;-)
So, why wasn't I expecting this ending? I still don't know. Maybe I believed Janice had it in her to save Sam. And I think she did. I think with someone who was ready to be saved Janice would be a literal life-saver. Maybe it was as simple as hope.
Another reviewer (same as mentioned above) also claimed that no one could go through all of the things Sam claimed to have gone through. While anyone who has read this story knows Sam's claims are one things - there are indeed people who live life like the one Sam described. There are indeed children who have parents who failed them. There are indeed children who have drug addicted parents who sell them for a bit of whatever get-high they're partial too. I suppose it's a good thing that the reviewer is unaware of this. It probably means they've led a fairly sheltered life. But I'm here to tell you that it does happen - all too frequently. Anyone who puts forth a little research can find out. Anyone who volunteers their time, much like Janice did, in certain places can see for themselves.
(Can anyone tell I don't like all inclusive statements that can so easily be proven false?)
There were a lot of times I was furious with Sam. For the lies, for all she had that she didn't really appreciate. Other times I was furious with Janice. For being taken in. Conned. For not checking things out sooner. After thinking about it all over and over again, I realized that Janice did what I hope I would do in the situation. She trusted Sam for as long as she could. Until she could do so no longer.
Another thing that should be mentioned is Janice's honesty. That's very obvious but with a subject like this it should be applauded IMO. I doubt I'd even admit to the little lie Janice told to her best friend in the 7th grade. But she admitted that and so much more, some of it not the most flattering. A lot of people would have edited those parts out to make themselves look "better". But then, Janice didn't have to try to make herself look better. From where I'm standing she looks pretty damn good.
As different as this is compared to Girlbomb I'd still recommend it to anyone who liked it. Janice's writing is really, really good and there are no hesitations - it just really, honestly, purely flows. It's rather refreshing really.
I sincerely hope she's still writing. Janice Erlbaum is one of only a handful of authors who, if they came out with a new book, I'd go right out to buy it, with no concern for how much it costs or looking at it very closely. (I usually wait to buy books because I get them far cheaper elsewhere and I already own thousands.) It's nice to have an author that I don't have to worry about coming out with something I won't like. I know that with this author it's next to impossible.
I urge any and everyone thinking about reading Have You Found Her to read it regardless of any review or any one person's thoughts. (Even mine, however hard that may be.) :-D I'd always warn potential readers that not everyone tried to avoid spoilers so take caution if or when you read reviews. Reading any spoiler(s) won't "ruin" the book for you (I don't think so anyway) but it just sucks. Unless you're even more pessimistic than I am about things/people like this subject/Sam, the element of surprise nearing the end is a good one I think.
Now, on to my feelings. :)
I'll probably end up forgetting some of what I want to say because a lot went through my head while reading this. First I should say that it only took me 4 or 5 days to read this because I've been so busy. Had I had the usual amount of reading time I normally have I'd have finished it in a day or two - no more. It flows. Janice is a fantastic writer which she proved so easily with Girlbomb: A Halfway Homeless Memoir. Nothing different with that.
I wasn't expecting the ending. I'm not much for wishing for happy endings. Some are fine, more are unrealistic. I tend to like my non-fiction realistic whenever possible. ;-)
So, why wasn't I expecting this ending? I still don't know. Maybe I believed Janice had it in her to save Sam. And I think she did. I think with someone who was ready to be saved Janice would be a literal life-saver. Maybe it was as simple as hope.
Another reviewer (same as mentioned above) also claimed that no one could go through all of the things Sam claimed to have gone through. While anyone who has read this story knows Sam's claims are one things - there are indeed people who live life like the one Sam described. There are indeed children who have parents who failed them. There are indeed children who have drug addicted parents who sell them for a bit of whatever get-high they're partial too. I suppose it's a good thing that the reviewer is unaware of this. It probably means they've led a fairly sheltered life. But I'm here to tell you that it does happen - all too frequently. Anyone who puts forth a little research can find out. Anyone who volunteers their time, much like Janice did, in certain places can see for themselves.
(Can anyone tell I don't like all inclusive statements that can so easily be proven false?)
There were a lot of times I was furious with Sam. For the lies, for all she had that she didn't really appreciate. Other times I was furious with Janice. For being taken in. Conned. For not checking things out sooner. After thinking about it all over and over again, I realized that Janice did what I hope I would do in the situation. She trusted Sam for as long as she could. Until she could do so no longer.
Another thing that should be mentioned is Janice's honesty. That's very obvious but with a subject like this it should be applauded IMO. I doubt I'd even admit to the little lie Janice told to her best friend in the 7th grade. But she admitted that and so much more, some of it not the most flattering. A lot of people would have edited those parts out to make themselves look "better". But then, Janice didn't have to try to make herself look better. From where I'm standing she looks pretty damn good.
As different as this is compared to Girlbomb I'd still recommend it to anyone who liked it. Janice's writing is really, really good and there are no hesitations - it just really, honestly, purely flows. It's rather refreshing really.
I sincerely hope she's still writing. Janice Erlbaum is one of only a handful of authors who, if they came out with a new book, I'd go right out to buy it, with no concern for how much it costs or looking at it very closely. (I usually wait to buy books because I get them far cheaper elsewhere and I already own thousands.) It's nice to have an author that I don't have to worry about coming out with something I won't like. I know that with this author it's next to impossible.
I urge any and everyone thinking about reading Have You Found Her to read it regardless of any review or any one person's thoughts. (Even mine, however hard that may be.) :-D I'd always warn potential readers that not everyone tried to avoid spoilers so take caution if or when you read reviews. Reading any spoiler(s) won't "ruin" the book for you (I don't think so anyway) but it just sucks. Unless you're even more pessimistic than I am about things/people like this subject/Sam, the element of surprise nearing the end is a good one I think.
August 6, 2008
What the hell was this book about? Good question. A former "homeless" woman goes back to the shelter and volunteers her time, and her beads, doing beading with the girls. There she eventually meets Sam. Sam is homeless and has all of these stories full of hooker mothers; meth addict fathers; prostition; knife fights; rapes; etc. If you saw it on Jerry Springer then she's lived through it. She is also coming down with various illness and infections.
Our author - although she has the greatest, most wonderful and adoring "husband" (they won't marry legally until the whole world can marry...bs!) shom they call each other SHMOO - she literally falls in love with this girl Sam. To her, Sam walks on water.
WHY? Another good question.
I never understood the allure. I was not enamoured of this girl whose stories were so fantastical that you knew one person couldn't have lived through ALL of it. The connection between Janice and Sam is never fleshed out. To me, the whole relationship was one of a selfish woman thinking she was saving the world by focusing on this one girl. Maybe there was more to it, but the plodding pace of the story never blossomed for me.
I'm not ruining the book by saying the girl is accused by Janice of having Munchausen's Syndrome - where you intentionally hurt or make yourelf sick. The girl is exposed as a liar with a family. Book ends.
The only reason I gave it 1 star is because it WAS a book. Someone did some crappy artwork on a cover and made it a book. That's it.
Our author - although she has the greatest, most wonderful and adoring "husband" (they won't marry legally until the whole world can marry...bs!) shom they call each other SHMOO - she literally falls in love with this girl Sam. To her, Sam walks on water.
WHY? Another good question.
I never understood the allure. I was not enamoured of this girl whose stories were so fantastical that you knew one person couldn't have lived through ALL of it. The connection between Janice and Sam is never fleshed out. To me, the whole relationship was one of a selfish woman thinking she was saving the world by focusing on this one girl. Maybe there was more to it, but the plodding pace of the story never blossomed for me.
I'm not ruining the book by saying the girl is accused by Janice of having Munchausen's Syndrome - where you intentionally hurt or make yourelf sick. The girl is exposed as a liar with a family. Book ends.
The only reason I gave it 1 star is because it WAS a book. Someone did some crappy artwork on a cover and made it a book. That's it.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 1, 2009
This book was absolutely one of the best I've read in a long, long time. Honestly, at first I didn't think I would be quite so into it, but as soon as I got past page 10, I couldn't even put it down. I will definitely be reading this author's other books, just as soon as I can get them. I don't want to spoil the story for anyone, but the ending is just so shocking, and I never saw it coming.
March 15, 2010
I greatly enjoyed the author’s first book, Girlbomb, so I thought I’d give this one a try. Have You Found Her is the very unusual true story of a woman who takes a homeless and very ill teenager under her wing, regarding her as a friend and surrogate daughter. Eventually, however, the author discovers the girl is nothing that she had claimed to be. I found this story quite riveting and had a great deal of trouble even putting this book down.
Some reviews have criticized the author’s inability to see through the girl’s charade. However, she acted selflessly, and the only things you can blame her for—naiveté, trust, and caring too much—aren’t crimes at all.
Instead, the parts of the book that dragged for me was a concurrent story about the author’s proposal and wedding. The author lived with her boyfriend and three cats, but somewhere midway through the book she decided something along the lines of “it’s important to be a family.” But you already are a family, I found myself saying aloud. I find the trappings of traditional wedding ceremonies insufferably dull and inscrutable, so these sections of the book didn’t terribly interest me.
It’s not giving away to much to say this relationship, built on falsehoods, does not end happily. As is so often the case with emotional crises, the author spent sleepless nights trying to discern what went wrong. She summed it up quite succinctly:
But I’d loved her. Or I’d loved the way she made me feel about myself. I’d loved the person I was when I was with her—competent, maternal, adult—but had I ever really loved her? How could I? I didn’t know anything about her. And once I did, I didn’t love her at all.
Some reviews have criticized the author’s inability to see through the girl’s charade. However, she acted selflessly, and the only things you can blame her for—naiveté, trust, and caring too much—aren’t crimes at all.
Instead, the parts of the book that dragged for me was a concurrent story about the author’s proposal and wedding. The author lived with her boyfriend and three cats, but somewhere midway through the book she decided something along the lines of “it’s important to be a family.” But you already are a family, I found myself saying aloud. I find the trappings of traditional wedding ceremonies insufferably dull and inscrutable, so these sections of the book didn’t terribly interest me.
It’s not giving away to much to say this relationship, built on falsehoods, does not end happily. As is so often the case with emotional crises, the author spent sleepless nights trying to discern what went wrong. She summed it up quite succinctly:
But I’d loved her. Or I’d loved the way she made me feel about myself. I’d loved the person I was when I was with her—competent, maternal, adult—but had I ever really loved her? How could I? I didn’t know anything about her. And once I did, I didn’t love her at all.
July 22, 2016
I've worked in behavioral health for a good amount of time and found this story really unsettling on many different levels at many different points. I don't care to take a defamatory tone because I respect the work that goes into writing a book and hope the best for the author and her family. I will say that I hope that writing this book was part of a healing process and I think some of the narrative is reflective of being written immediately after this year long experience (and as such, conveys a lot of raw pain and responses). In that way, it's a helpful look at how damaging unhealthy relationships can be. I also hope the author was able to secure some high quality (hard to find) therapy for her own healing and growth, because it seems as if she has been through quite a lot which led to some high risk behaviors and schemas; and while it's great she seems to have such a wonderful partner and many successes, very little can replace truly effective therapy when seeking to repair damage from trauma.
I also hope the same for the subject of the book. Its easy to be negatively impacted and damaged by addictions, mental illness, and personality disorders; easy to feel exploited and abused by people living these lives. Easy to care and get sucked in. In addition, it's wrong to assume or promote a position that people living with these conditions are inherently evil and vile and deserving of retribution or that they are completely conscious actors and in total control of themselves. Truly disordered people oftentimes don't have a choice in the way most people do, and believing they do is a symptom of having the great fortune of not being afflicted with such severe representations of these conditions. People are indeed responsible for their actions and should not be given free will to destroy lives, however, some people are so ill and out of control that we need to instead do all we can to protect ourselves from them and figure out what draws us to them in the first place.
I also don't agree with the comment someone made about memoirs not being a good genre for people looking for strong representations of noble character. Read about Dave Pelzer or Cupcake Brown or TJ Parsell or C.S. Lewis; or read the Bible. Finally, citing 9/11 as an allegorical reference in any story about personal loss is a huge overstep (e.g. Why is the sky so blue on days of tragedy; like the day I went to the hospital and also 9/11). The volume of tragedy experienced on that day and the ripple effect thereafter (including everything men and women of our military and the Iraqi people have endured since) is incomparable and mentioning it in this way or somehow paralleling it is completely irresponsible.
I also hope the same for the subject of the book. Its easy to be negatively impacted and damaged by addictions, mental illness, and personality disorders; easy to feel exploited and abused by people living these lives. Easy to care and get sucked in. In addition, it's wrong to assume or promote a position that people living with these conditions are inherently evil and vile and deserving of retribution or that they are completely conscious actors and in total control of themselves. Truly disordered people oftentimes don't have a choice in the way most people do, and believing they do is a symptom of having the great fortune of not being afflicted with such severe representations of these conditions. People are indeed responsible for their actions and should not be given free will to destroy lives, however, some people are so ill and out of control that we need to instead do all we can to protect ourselves from them and figure out what draws us to them in the first place.
I also don't agree with the comment someone made about memoirs not being a good genre for people looking for strong representations of noble character. Read about Dave Pelzer or Cupcake Brown or TJ Parsell or C.S. Lewis; or read the Bible. Finally, citing 9/11 as an allegorical reference in any story about personal loss is a huge overstep (e.g. Why is the sky so blue on days of tragedy; like the day I went to the hospital and also 9/11). The volume of tragedy experienced on that day and the ripple effect thereafter (including everything men and women of our military and the Iraqi people have endured since) is incomparable and mentioning it in this way or somehow paralleling it is completely irresponsible.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 17, 2009
This is a memoir about Janice Erlbaum, who returns to the shelter she lived in as a teenager and becomes a volunteer. She is cautioned not to become too close to any of the clients and to maintain strong boundaries, which she fails to do almost immediately. She develops a strong bond with one teenager, Sam, who clearly reminds the author of herself. As she becomes more deeply intertwined in Sam's life, she realizes that maintaining this relationship is more than she bargained for.
The first three quarters of this book was hard for me to read. I almost gave up on it. The author's dysfunction is glaring and it is hard to witness. It was maddening to realize that he author had thrust herself into the role of a helper and is a wounded healer. It is clear that, on some level, she is using her relationship with Sam to address her own tortured history as a teenager.
The author does seem to recognize her problematic behavior as she retells it, i.e. "I know I wasn't supposed to give Sam my home phone number, but I did it anyway", but she seems to miss the big picture that she and Sam are equally damaged or that, at the very least, the author should seek some professional help for her own issues.
There is a surprise twist at the end of the book that made it worth finishing and the story as a whole is fascinating. In the end, I think this would have been better told by an objective writer and not the author herself because the portrayal might have been more balanced. Also, the author is not a skilled writer, especially when it comes to dialogue.
The first three quarters of this book was hard for me to read. I almost gave up on it. The author's dysfunction is glaring and it is hard to witness. It was maddening to realize that he author had thrust herself into the role of a helper and is a wounded healer. It is clear that, on some level, she is using her relationship with Sam to address her own tortured history as a teenager.
The author does seem to recognize her problematic behavior as she retells it, i.e. "I know I wasn't supposed to give Sam my home phone number, but I did it anyway", but she seems to miss the big picture that she and Sam are equally damaged or that, at the very least, the author should seek some professional help for her own issues.
There is a surprise twist at the end of the book that made it worth finishing and the story as a whole is fascinating. In the end, I think this would have been better told by an objective writer and not the author herself because the portrayal might have been more balanced. Also, the author is not a skilled writer, especially when it comes to dialogue.
June 28, 2008
If I were to sum up the entire novel in a single word, I would choose "emotional". I don't mean emotional, like a weepy romance novel or a heavy memoir about death. I mean emotional, like pure, raw human emotion. Erlbaum spares us no detail of the pain and joy that she is swept over with during her journey with Sam.
The novel is mainly about the relationship between Erlbaum herself and Sam, an emotionally shattered teenager that she meets at a homeless shelter that she volunteered at. Erlbaum finds that she can relate to Sam in that they both ended up at this shelter after monthes on the street, and both suffered a traumatic childhood. They are fast friends, and Erlbaum finds herself caught up in spending time with Sam.
The plot twists and turns, so outrageously that you wouldn't believe that it's real. I found myself gnawing my nails to nubs and grinding my teeth with pure anxiety as I read this book -- that's how closely Erlbaum draws you in.
By the time you finish "Have You Found Her Yet," you too will be under Sam's spell.
The novel is mainly about the relationship between Erlbaum herself and Sam, an emotionally shattered teenager that she meets at a homeless shelter that she volunteered at. Erlbaum finds that she can relate to Sam in that they both ended up at this shelter after monthes on the street, and both suffered a traumatic childhood. They are fast friends, and Erlbaum finds herself caught up in spending time with Sam.
The plot twists and turns, so outrageously that you wouldn't believe that it's real. I found myself gnawing my nails to nubs and grinding my teeth with pure anxiety as I read this book -- that's how closely Erlbaum draws you in.
By the time you finish "Have You Found Her Yet," you too will be under Sam's spell.
June 26, 2015
I thought I knew exactly what I would be dealing with when I saw this book on the shelf but boy, was I wrong! The gist I got from scanning the back cover was that this would be your quintessential story about a thirty-four year old woman who had spent her own time in a homeless shelter for teens when she was a young runaway and who now hopes to give back in some way to the place that helped her when she didn't know where else to turn. But if you choose to read this book (and I definitely recommend that you do), you will quickly discover that author, Janice Erlbaum, is anything but typical. She is one of those rare kindhearted souls you might meet once in a blue moon, one of those people who has been places most middle-class, white Americans can't even imagine and who has ultimately triumphed.
Have You Found Her details Erlbaum's experience volunteering at the shelter on the Older Females unit, meeting new residents one week and saying goodbye just as quickly the next as they come and go through the never-ending "revolving door."
It's hard not to be drawn to certain youth in need. Janice certainly had her "favorites" whom she would rave about in the evenings to the love-of-her-life, Bill. But none could compare to Sam. Ah, Sam, the "brilliant nineteen-year old junkie savant who had been surviving alone on the streets since she was twelve and was now struggling for sobriety against the adverse health effects of long-term drug abuse." After hearing her history, you'd be shocked to meet her in the flesh- polite, caring, persevering Sam. It's no wonder that within weeks, Sam has charmed and captivated Janice with her intellectual wit and strong spirit. And, before she knows it, Janice has become consumed with her self-appointed quest to save Sam's life and get her back on track. The only problem is, Sam is sick. And no one knew quite how sick Samantha truly was... until it was almost too late to save her.
Have You Found Her details Erlbaum's experience volunteering at the shelter on the Older Females unit, meeting new residents one week and saying goodbye just as quickly the next as they come and go through the never-ending "revolving door."
"And every week there was that unspoken question, the one I didn't know enough to ask myself: Have you found her yet? The one who reminds you of you?"So every Wednesday after work, Janice dutifully lugs her containers of beads to the shelter oftentimes arriving to the chorus of various girls yelling out, "Yo Bead Lady!"
It's hard not to be drawn to certain youth in need. Janice certainly had her "favorites" whom she would rave about in the evenings to the love-of-her-life, Bill. But none could compare to Sam. Ah, Sam, the "brilliant nineteen-year old junkie savant who had been surviving alone on the streets since she was twelve and was now struggling for sobriety against the adverse health effects of long-term drug abuse." After hearing her history, you'd be shocked to meet her in the flesh- polite, caring, persevering Sam. It's no wonder that within weeks, Sam has charmed and captivated Janice with her intellectual wit and strong spirit. And, before she knows it, Janice has become consumed with her self-appointed quest to save Sam's life and get her back on track. The only problem is, Sam is sick. And no one knew quite how sick Samantha truly was... until it was almost too late to save her.
"She nodded at her lap, just once. Then she raised her head and looked at me with those giant eyes of hers.
'I'm glad you found me,' she said. 'I'm glad you came.'
My turn to stifle a tear. 'So am I.'"
May 22, 2020
I won't summarize the plot, as you can read that on the back of the book, but I will say that I read Girlbomb ten years (give or take) ago and loved it, but this book was nowhere near the remembered caliber of which I had professed the other.
I was invested enough and had enough faith in the author to see this dense read through to the end. I can't say that I liked it, but I also did not hate it. I did actually appreciate a lot of things about the book, I think the things that kind of left it wanting for me were
-me questioning the motivation of the author in writing the book. Was this to redeem herself in the eyes of others for her poorly perceived judgement, or was she truly writing this to work it out for herself in a therapeutic way?
-my discomfort in reading her honest responses. And this is very personal (and I'll admit here that I think her very brave for writing her true thoughts), but it was so uncomfortable to read the actual thoughts of resentment and unsympathetic bitterness and the wishing ill of someone, especially when you can find yourself relating to those thoughts.
-the fact that as a reader, I too felt tricked by the same thing as Janice. I'd been ready to mourn. Pre-mourning, even, and was misled to scam instead of death. It felt like an end to a completely different story that I hadn't just read.
My feeling at the end was mostly unnerved and disappointed. It's a sad story no matter what I was expecting. I can't blame the author for telling the story (and telling it pretty well), but I think I'll leave my final review as 'not advertised well' and *shrug emoji*. I didn't feel as though Janice was telling the story to share the love she felt for someone (which she pretty much revoked by the end of the book, anyway). It didn't feel compassionate, just explanatory.
I was invested enough and had enough faith in the author to see this dense read through to the end. I can't say that I liked it, but I also did not hate it. I did actually appreciate a lot of things about the book, I think the things that kind of left it wanting for me were
-me questioning the motivation of the author in writing the book. Was this to redeem herself in the eyes of others for her poorly perceived judgement, or was she truly writing this to work it out for herself in a therapeutic way?
-my discomfort in reading her honest responses. And this is very personal (and I'll admit here that I think her very brave for writing her true thoughts), but it was so uncomfortable to read the actual thoughts of resentment and unsympathetic bitterness and the wishing ill of someone, especially when you can find yourself relating to those thoughts.
-the fact that as a reader, I too felt tricked by the same thing as Janice. I'd been ready to mourn. Pre-mourning, even, and was misled to scam instead of death. It felt like an end to a completely different story that I hadn't just read.
My feeling at the end was mostly unnerved and disappointed. It's a sad story no matter what I was expecting. I can't blame the author for telling the story (and telling it pretty well), but I think I'll leave my final review as 'not advertised well' and *shrug emoji*. I didn't feel as though Janice was telling the story to share the love she felt for someone (which she pretty much revoked by the end of the book, anyway). It didn't feel compassionate, just explanatory.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
June 13, 2008
I read Janice Erlbaum's earlier memoir Girlbomb: A Halfway Homeless Memoir and really liked it so I picked this up. I realy enjoyed this book. It covers a time 20 years after Janice had left her monther's home and lived in and out of youth shelters in NYC for a few years in high school.
Now that she's an adult with a career, stable relationship and a good place with her family, she decides to "give back" by volunteering at the same shelter that took her in so long ago. There she meets many girls that remind her of herself long ago including the girl that becomes her "project" Sam. Sam is extremely damaged but brilliant.
I won't ruin the story for you but this is an incredible story that pulls you in only to turn you right upside down when everything unfolds. I couldn't help but relate to Janice as she helps this girl and experiences the ups and downs of loving someone that is even more damaged than you can imagine.
You don't need to have read Girlbomb to enjoy this book!
Now that she's an adult with a career, stable relationship and a good place with her family, she decides to "give back" by volunteering at the same shelter that took her in so long ago. There she meets many girls that remind her of herself long ago including the girl that becomes her "project" Sam. Sam is extremely damaged but brilliant.
I won't ruin the story for you but this is an incredible story that pulls you in only to turn you right upside down when everything unfolds. I couldn't help but relate to Janice as she helps this girl and experiences the ups and downs of loving someone that is even more damaged than you can imagine.
You don't need to have read Girlbomb to enjoy this book!
July 6, 2008
Wow, what a different read---I loved GirlBomb by Janice Earlbaum and this latest book revisits where Janice spent timeless as a homeless teen---how she reaches out and begins volunteering Wednesdays by making beaded necklaces, bracelets, etc as a way to reach the homess teens. Janice meets and helps Sam (Samantha Dunleavy) and this is a gripping story, Janice extends herself, saves Sam and along the way learns alot about herself, her world, Sam's world and those arouns her who love her and support her. This was a tough book to read and I am still digesting it....Keep on writing Janice, your books are worthwhile and illuminating about the homeless world of teens.
December 26, 2017
Prepare yourself for an emotional roller coaster ride if you read this memoir. The author returns to the honeless shelter where she lived as a teen, determined to help someone else get their life in order. She meets Sam, a young girl of 19, who is the product of horrible abuse suffered while she still ived at home. Sam lived on the streets since the age of 12, where she was introduced to the drug culture. Janice is determined to save Sam, and this is the story of that determination, a story of what persistence and love can do to change a life.
August 24, 2017
I'm just in shock. Like this book was written to get back at Sam somehow for not wanting Janice in her life anymore
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 22, 2019
In a book that is about a homeless girl who had been sold into prostitution by her parents, beaten and abused, became addicted to drugs and suffered from numerous medical problems, I found it very interesting that I was far more worried about the narrator than the homeless girl.
Janice Erlbaum's memoir "Have You Found Her" might seem to be about Sam, a young girl who has had a train wreck of a life, but as far as I am concerned, the "her" that needs to be found is Erlbaum.
At 15, Janice Erlbaum spent a year in a homeless shelter. She eventually turned her life around and became very sucessful, and many years later decided to volunteer at that same shelter. What begins as an effort to give something back to a place that helped her, becomes a way for Erlbaum to validate her life and her choices.
At the beginning of her volunteer work, it sounds as if Janice is helped FAR more than the girls she meets. I know that sounds very mean of me, but there is a constant stream of comments like "I couldn't get over how thrilling it was, to be walking around the museum discussing art with her (Sam), my very own homeless girl..." and wanting the homeless girls to yell even louder in excitement when she (Janice) arrives each Wednesday at the shelter, and "Another crisis averted, for now; another train saved from plunging off the tracks by Super Janice. The cops would clean up whatever collateral damage had been done. I could put away my cape and pretend to be a normal citizen again."
On one hand I can appreciate Erlbaum's complete honesty in relating her feelings during this time in her life, she certainly doesn't try and sugar coat thoughts that we all may have had in that circumstance but would be loathe to admit to, but on the other hand, I was starting not to like her very much. That and the fact that she was volunteering at a shelter chock full of recovering addicts while getting stoned every night...made me really wonder who had the bigger problem, her or Sam.
(Janice) "Well, I'm supposed to meet Sam in a half hour," I reminded him. I tried using my thumbs and forefingers to open my sleepy eyes wider. "I gotta sober up." She'd seen me stoned before - everybody in my life had seen me stoned - but stoned was my default setting; I covered for it well."
And then, and then...the drama really begins to unfold. Janice's confidence in her street smarts, in her insider knowledge of the drug life, what young girls are thinking and feeling is severely challenged. Janice realizes that Samantha has a hold on her in a way she couldn't have imagined. Sam is the one in control of their relationship. Sam's needs become Janice's needs. Sam's life controls Janice's life. As much as Janice wants Sam to need her at the beginning of their relationship, she wants Sam to stop needing her as time goes on.
Some of Janice's thoughts sound eerily similar to ones that I've had before. When she receives VERY bad news about Sam, she thinks: "I started to memorize everything around me - this is the rug I am standing on, this is the weight of the phone against my ear - so I could describe it later." Always the writer, always the storyteller...my thoughts work like that as well.
By this point, I, too have been sucked in to the story that is unfolding. The writing is very readable and I started turning the pages faster and faster. As Janice's life improves, Sam's falls apart, causing a strain in their relationship. Janice starts to look more upon Sam in a motherly way, even wanting to formalize a guardianship, and Sam resists that change in roles as long as she is able. The power struggle between the two is very compelling, even if it is not completely obvious what is going on.
There is a very palpable feeling of one step forward, two steps back throughout this book. If Janice's life takes a step forward, Sam's takes two steps back. If Sam's life takes a step forward, (i.e. she gets out of rehab) it then takes a step back (i.e. she is hospitalized for a serious medical issue).
It is difficult to not include any spoilers at this point, but even a suspicious reader like me did NOT see the end coming. I just kept shaking my head at the turn of events...and feeling sorrier for everyone involved.
I wonder if I'd read Erlbaum's first book, "Girlbomb" prior to this one if I would have related to her more at the beginning and wouldn't have spent so much time in disbelief at her thinking of herself as Super Janice. By the end of this book, I realized that what she has gone through in her life and with Sam is a nearly unbelievable emotional roller coaster. By the end of the book, she is a woman that I can relate to, one that I can admire and one that I would enjoy knowing more about. She's discovered some incredibly difficult things about herself, and is far better off from the experience, bruises, cuts and all.
"...But I'd loved her (Sam). Or I'd loved the way she made me feel about myself. I'd loved the person I was when I was with her - competent, maternal, adult - but had I ever really loved her? How could I? I didn't know anything about her. And once I did, I didn't love her at all."
But Janice has come to a place where she is able to love herself, and be loved. The answer to "Have You Found Her" is yes. Janice has found herself and her place in the world, and for that, I applaud her. Sam, however, is a different story.
Janice Erlbaum's memoir "Have You Found Her" might seem to be about Sam, a young girl who has had a train wreck of a life, but as far as I am concerned, the "her" that needs to be found is Erlbaum.
At 15, Janice Erlbaum spent a year in a homeless shelter. She eventually turned her life around and became very sucessful, and many years later decided to volunteer at that same shelter. What begins as an effort to give something back to a place that helped her, becomes a way for Erlbaum to validate her life and her choices.
At the beginning of her volunteer work, it sounds as if Janice is helped FAR more than the girls she meets. I know that sounds very mean of me, but there is a constant stream of comments like "I couldn't get over how thrilling it was, to be walking around the museum discussing art with her (Sam), my very own homeless girl..." and wanting the homeless girls to yell even louder in excitement when she (Janice) arrives each Wednesday at the shelter, and "Another crisis averted, for now; another train saved from plunging off the tracks by Super Janice. The cops would clean up whatever collateral damage had been done. I could put away my cape and pretend to be a normal citizen again."
On one hand I can appreciate Erlbaum's complete honesty in relating her feelings during this time in her life, she certainly doesn't try and sugar coat thoughts that we all may have had in that circumstance but would be loathe to admit to, but on the other hand, I was starting not to like her very much. That and the fact that she was volunteering at a shelter chock full of recovering addicts while getting stoned every night...made me really wonder who had the bigger problem, her or Sam.
(Janice) "Well, I'm supposed to meet Sam in a half hour," I reminded him. I tried using my thumbs and forefingers to open my sleepy eyes wider. "I gotta sober up." She'd seen me stoned before - everybody in my life had seen me stoned - but stoned was my default setting; I covered for it well."
And then, and then...the drama really begins to unfold. Janice's confidence in her street smarts, in her insider knowledge of the drug life, what young girls are thinking and feeling is severely challenged. Janice realizes that Samantha has a hold on her in a way she couldn't have imagined. Sam is the one in control of their relationship. Sam's needs become Janice's needs. Sam's life controls Janice's life. As much as Janice wants Sam to need her at the beginning of their relationship, she wants Sam to stop needing her as time goes on.
Some of Janice's thoughts sound eerily similar to ones that I've had before. When she receives VERY bad news about Sam, she thinks: "I started to memorize everything around me - this is the rug I am standing on, this is the weight of the phone against my ear - so I could describe it later." Always the writer, always the storyteller...my thoughts work like that as well.
By this point, I, too have been sucked in to the story that is unfolding. The writing is very readable and I started turning the pages faster and faster. As Janice's life improves, Sam's falls apart, causing a strain in their relationship. Janice starts to look more upon Sam in a motherly way, even wanting to formalize a guardianship, and Sam resists that change in roles as long as she is able. The power struggle between the two is very compelling, even if it is not completely obvious what is going on.
There is a very palpable feeling of one step forward, two steps back throughout this book. If Janice's life takes a step forward, Sam's takes two steps back. If Sam's life takes a step forward, (i.e. she gets out of rehab) it then takes a step back (i.e. she is hospitalized for a serious medical issue).
It is difficult to not include any spoilers at this point, but even a suspicious reader like me did NOT see the end coming. I just kept shaking my head at the turn of events...and feeling sorrier for everyone involved.
I wonder if I'd read Erlbaum's first book, "Girlbomb" prior to this one if I would have related to her more at the beginning and wouldn't have spent so much time in disbelief at her thinking of herself as Super Janice. By the end of this book, I realized that what she has gone through in her life and with Sam is a nearly unbelievable emotional roller coaster. By the end of the book, she is a woman that I can relate to, one that I can admire and one that I would enjoy knowing more about. She's discovered some incredibly difficult things about herself, and is far better off from the experience, bruises, cuts and all.
"...But I'd loved her (Sam). Or I'd loved the way she made me feel about myself. I'd loved the person I was when I was with her - competent, maternal, adult - but had I ever really loved her? How could I? I didn't know anything about her. And once I did, I didn't love her at all."
But Janice has come to a place where she is able to love herself, and be loved. The answer to "Have You Found Her" is yes. Janice has found herself and her place in the world, and for that, I applaud her. Sam, however, is a different story.
November 8, 2021
This book blew me away. Despite the feeling that the primary subject, Sam was a train wreck I just couldn’t look away. Janice was an amazing witness and advocate. It was a compelling read.
August 21, 2024
I found this (true) story to be very well told and gripping in its intensity.
November 9, 2012
Reviewed by coollibrarianchick for TeensReadToo.com
I just finished a book, after running back to the beach because it was mistakenly left there, that I am going to pass on to everyone looking for a good book to read. HAVE YOU FOUND HER by Janice Erlbaum was a gut-wrenching, pull-at-your-heart strings, can't-put-it-down memoir. It actually reads like a novel, a suspenseful one at that, full of plot twists and turns. I finished it in two days. The little blurb I read about it in my local library's Bookpage didn't do the book justice.
Janice Erlbaum one day decided to volunteer at a homeless shelter for teens in NYC. Very noble of her, don't you think? Volunteering at this one homeless shelter was more than just an act of graciousness for her. Twenty years ago, she lived at that shelter for a time. She wanted to do something for these kids, show that you can change your situation and become successful. Janice definitely changed her life for the better. Now she is a successful author, living in a nice apartment with her husband (or domestic partner, as she calls him) and three cats.
At first, the volunteering doesn't go very well. Her nervousness shows and the kids are gravitating to her for help. Janice is just not sure if she can do it. She soon realizes she has to have a shtick if she wants their attention and find a younger version of herself to help. So one day, she brings a bag full of beads for a craft-making jewelry session. It does the trick and she is forever known as the Bead Lady.
One of the rules of the place is "Don't choose favorites." That rule goes completely out the window when Janice meets Samantha. Samantha is a brilliant junkie who has been on her own since she was twelve. She is incredibly lovable and also incredibly damaged. Samantha says a lot of things throughout the time Janice comes to know her that should be questioned. At any rate, Janice ends up falling for Sam - not a romantic love like she has for Bill, but in a deeply caring, friendship/parental way. She wants to save Sam from the streets, and this leads Janice and Sam through hospitals and halfway houses and rehabs.
The one thing Janice never suspected was how sick Sam really was.......
The book was like a roller coaster ride for me. When Sam was up, in good health, on the right track, you cheered -- but when she was down, sick, so weak that you though she would die at any second, you couldn't help but get sad and emotional. You start to wonder if you can really save another person's soul.
I just wonder where Sam is now.....
I just finished a book, after running back to the beach because it was mistakenly left there, that I am going to pass on to everyone looking for a good book to read. HAVE YOU FOUND HER by Janice Erlbaum was a gut-wrenching, pull-at-your-heart strings, can't-put-it-down memoir. It actually reads like a novel, a suspenseful one at that, full of plot twists and turns. I finished it in two days. The little blurb I read about it in my local library's Bookpage didn't do the book justice.
Janice Erlbaum one day decided to volunteer at a homeless shelter for teens in NYC. Very noble of her, don't you think? Volunteering at this one homeless shelter was more than just an act of graciousness for her. Twenty years ago, she lived at that shelter for a time. She wanted to do something for these kids, show that you can change your situation and become successful. Janice definitely changed her life for the better. Now she is a successful author, living in a nice apartment with her husband (or domestic partner, as she calls him) and three cats.
At first, the volunteering doesn't go very well. Her nervousness shows and the kids are gravitating to her for help. Janice is just not sure if she can do it. She soon realizes she has to have a shtick if she wants their attention and find a younger version of herself to help. So one day, she brings a bag full of beads for a craft-making jewelry session. It does the trick and she is forever known as the Bead Lady.
One of the rules of the place is "Don't choose favorites." That rule goes completely out the window when Janice meets Samantha. Samantha is a brilliant junkie who has been on her own since she was twelve. She is incredibly lovable and also incredibly damaged. Samantha says a lot of things throughout the time Janice comes to know her that should be questioned. At any rate, Janice ends up falling for Sam - not a romantic love like she has for Bill, but in a deeply caring, friendship/parental way. She wants to save Sam from the streets, and this leads Janice and Sam through hospitals and halfway houses and rehabs.
The one thing Janice never suspected was how sick Sam really was.......
The book was like a roller coaster ride for me. When Sam was up, in good health, on the right track, you cheered -- but when she was down, sick, so weak that you though she would die at any second, you couldn't help but get sad and emotional. You start to wonder if you can really save another person's soul.
I just wonder where Sam is now.....
August 17, 2014
This is a fascinating sequel to Erlbaum's earlier memoir, Girl Bomb. Girl Bomb is a story of fleeing her home to live in a homeless shelter in New York city. Have You Found Her is about her return to the *same shelter* years later to volunteer. The innocence and kindness of the author is equalled only by her bad judgment in allowing a troubled young woman to step across the boundary of caregiving and enter her life. Trouble ensues.
It's a good story about Coming of Age, about gritty life on the edge of society, that strange and troubling way that young people struggle to fit in and for a while decide they don't really need to fit in at all. A story about the underbelly of humanity, and of a young woman trying to throw her shoulder to the wheel to try to prevent one or two people from falling off the bottom rung.
Highly recommended. (Read them both, especially if you are interested in life on the streets, the world of young people on the edge of sanity, the attempt of an older young person trying to redeem her earlier mistakes.)
For another fascinating story about a girl who crosses over the boundary toward insanity, read Surrounded by Madness by Rachel Pruchno.
It's a good story about Coming of Age, about gritty life on the edge of society, that strange and troubling way that young people struggle to fit in and for a while decide they don't really need to fit in at all. A story about the underbelly of humanity, and of a young woman trying to throw her shoulder to the wheel to try to prevent one or two people from falling off the bottom rung.
Highly recommended. (Read them both, especially if you are interested in life on the streets, the world of young people on the edge of sanity, the attempt of an older young person trying to redeem her earlier mistakes.)
For another fascinating story about a girl who crosses over the boundary toward insanity, read Surrounded by Madness by Rachel Pruchno.
April 14, 2008
In this book Earlbaum is a shelter volunteer looking for the raw material to create a mini "I saved her" success story. She thinks she's found what she wants in Sam, a bright young girl with a hard luck life story. Earlbaum becomes obsessive in her friendship with Sam to the point of creepyness. But she starts to become unsure of her ability to save Sam as Sam starts to manifest more than the average ammount of medical issues, and Earlbaum realizes rescuing her from her troubles is going to take much more than a few pep talks.
I'm sure Sam could write an amazing memoir, but Earlbaum flounders in selfish, immature, emotional baggage.
October 2, 2008
First, I want to say that this book was very well written. HOWEVER, good writing did not make me care one bit about Erlbaum. If this were a work of fiction, I probably would have liked this book and the main character. But I just could not get over Erlbaum's wildly inappropriate behavior. I felt not one iota of sympathy for her--a woman in her mid-30's trying so desperating to win the affections of homeless teens. Arrested development, anyone? The character of Sam was a jerk and I had no idea what Erlbaum, et al found endearing about her. I feel bad giving it only 1 star because it is someone's memoir, but blech.
January 20, 2009
In this memoir, the author begins by describing her initially disapointing experience as an idealistic volunteer at a shelter for homeless teens. Those who have worked in social services should be able to relate Erlbaum's experience as a volunteer at the shelter. The author develops an intense friendship with one of the teens from the shelter. Erlbaum's account of this increasingly complex and intense relationship kept me interested enough to read this book in a few days. The plot has an interesting twist towards the end - let me know when you suspected it was coming....
November 16, 2012
This book was given to me very thoughtfully as a birthday present. At first it was hard to read because the author writes from her own experience helping troubled teens and her difficulty with setting boundaries was so hard to "watch." I admired her genuineness. After a while the book was impossible to put down. It was so engaging. By the end, she had grown amazingly. Now I recommend the book to graduate students and encourage them to read the whole way through so we can discuss the author's experience. It's a very neat book.
February 23, 2008
Wow. A liberal do-gooder in a state of arrested development tries to deal with her own teen runaway issues by semi-adopting a brilliantly manipulative "junkie savant." The girl ends up playing her eager mentor like a violin, but Erlbaum, the author, has the last laugh when she unravels the truth about the girl's past and the true nature of her illness. Little slow in the middle, but the beginning and end of this compelling memoir were absolutely riveting.
February 1, 2019
The book was beautifully written. The hints of dialogue and the detail that was written was beautiful. Bead Lady was truly an icon. With that being said Janice had a very holier than thou approach. She seemed as though she deserved an award for helping someone. Which is backwards... it’s loss of two stars symbolizes my disdain for her self view. Her anger towards Sam was understandable but it was a disease. She was mad at Sam for having a disease? It was just tasteless.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 17, 2024
A pretty breathtaking memoir about the author and the complicated teen runaway she comes to love. It's a revealing story about the damaged people some of us want desperately to help, and the troubling reasons we may need them as much as they need us. Or maybe more.
March 4, 2008
I was really surprised at how much I liked this riveting memoir. Woman befriends homeless teen who isn't who she pretends to be. I started it in the evening and didn't go to bed until I finished it.
April 6, 2008
I read this in 3 hours--it knocked me out entirely.
Read
June 18, 2020“Have You Found Her” is a memoir written by Janice Erlbaum. As a young adult Erlbaum spent time at a homeless shelter for teens. Twenty years later, she decided to give back to the shelter that she gives credit for turning her life around. She becomes known as the “Bead Lady” because every week she comes in to work on beading at the shelter and serves as a stable presence for the girls. Erlbaum meets one girl, Sam, who reminds her of herself as a teen, addicted to drugs with a very tough exterior. Sam and Erlbaum form an extremely tight bond and the rest of the book details Erlbaum’s struggle, as mentor and friend, dealing with the consequences of the traumatic life Sam experienced as a child and younger teenager.
One of my site projects this fall is co-facilitating a career development class called Employment Ready Youth (ERY), based on a program for adults that we offer at the WorkForce Center called Employment Ready U. The population of youth in the ERY class are currently transitioning out of the foster care system or are living in youth homeless shelters. I decided to read “Have You Found Her” because I have never before worked with homeless youth populations. I wanted to gain a little more perspective on what is like to be a homeless young adult as well as what it is like to serve as a mentor for a homeless youth.
I would recommend this book for CTEP members working with homeless youth populations. I think Erlbaum does a wonderful job expressing the emotional highs and lows of what it can be like to work with such an unstable population. She does an excellent job conveying the frustrations of behavioral issues and the desire to erase all the horrible, messed up events that homeless youth have experienced; mixed with the good days where you feel a huge sense of accomplishment like you have really made a difference in that young person’s life.
One of my site projects this fall is co-facilitating a career development class called Employment Ready Youth (ERY), based on a program for adults that we offer at the WorkForce Center called Employment Ready U. The population of youth in the ERY class are currently transitioning out of the foster care system or are living in youth homeless shelters. I decided to read “Have You Found Her” because I have never before worked with homeless youth populations. I wanted to gain a little more perspective on what is like to be a homeless young adult as well as what it is like to serve as a mentor for a homeless youth.
I would recommend this book for CTEP members working with homeless youth populations. I think Erlbaum does a wonderful job expressing the emotional highs and lows of what it can be like to work with such an unstable population. She does an excellent job conveying the frustrations of behavioral issues and the desire to erase all the horrible, messed up events that homeless youth have experienced; mixed with the good days where you feel a huge sense of accomplishment like you have really made a difference in that young person’s life.
December 24, 2024
What an amazing, amazing book. I had to keep reminding myself that it was about real people!
In this, her second memoir, Janice tells the story of volunteering at the shelter she lived in briefly as a teenage and of meeting Sam. Although the relationship she forms with Sam may ultimately have been good for her, showing her that she had internal strength she would never have guessed out. It makes for a very powerful story.
I think the most interesting part of this book was Janice's honesty about her negative feelings toward Sam. To be able to say that you're angry at a person in Sam's position takes a lot of strength. The same to admit that you have doubts about the truth of what someone you care about says to you.
And this is a memoir that is easy to read. One might always be skeptical of the claim that a memoir reads like a novel, but in this case, I found that it did. I was drawn in from the very beginning, and ended the book hoping that Ms. Erlbaum will write another memoir in the future.
In this, her second memoir, Janice tells the story of volunteering at the shelter she lived in briefly as a teenage and of meeting Sam. Although the relationship she forms with Sam may ultimately have been good for her, showing her that she had internal strength she would never have guessed out. It makes for a very powerful story.
I think the most interesting part of this book was Janice's honesty about her negative feelings toward Sam. To be able to say that you're angry at a person in Sam's position takes a lot of strength. The same to admit that you have doubts about the truth of what someone you care about says to you.
And this is a memoir that is easy to read. One might always be skeptical of the claim that a memoir reads like a novel, but in this case, I found that it did. I was drawn in from the very beginning, and ended the book hoping that Ms. Erlbaum will write another memoir in the future.
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