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292 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 7, 2011
The otherwise untainted emptiness of everything affected me deeply. I thought, this is the last time I will ever see my house untouched, just as I left it. The last time ever that it will be my creation alone. If I can bear to set foot inside again, in some unthinkable future, it will not be the same. It will have taken on the patina of other people's lives.
There was one additional thing I can hardly bring myself to mention: an expectancy. I sensed it, felt it hovering lightly in the air. The house was awaiting its new owners, impatient for its life's work and purpose to begin with. It was almost as if it was - repudiating me, but that is too strong.
Yet I was aware that a distance had opened up between us. The intimacy of our relationship, the three-way interplay of myself, Teddy, house - it was no longer there. And more than that, it was as if it had never been. It had blown away, jut like my money. Vanished without a trace, and from this day forward I could be nothing but a casual visitor.
I felt I was trespassing in my own house. [p.8]
I sound like one of those dreadful women in English detective stories. The cosy, old-fashioned sort that fly off Sandy's shelves. One of those village nosy parkers who spy on everyone through net curtains. Tea cosies, scones and prurient gossip: a lifestyle I abhor, and have strenuously avoided. Although scones and tea cosies have their place; one should never throw out the baby with the bathwater. I've had a tendency to do that, I suspect all my life. [pp.138-9]