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Emotional Literacy: Intelligence with a Heart
"This step-by-step program opens the door to achieving emotional power. Instructions are given on how emotional literacy—intelligence with a heart—can be learned through practicing specific exercises that foster the awareness of emotion in oneself and others, by increasing capacities to love others and oneself while developing honesty, and by taking responsibility for one's actions. Provided are instructions on how to reverse the dangerous self-destructive emotional patterns that can rule a person's life. This program shows individuals how to open their hearts and minds to honest and effective communication, how to survey the emotional landscape, and ultimately how to take responsibility for their emotional lives."
275 pages, Paperback
First published October 2, 1997
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Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
February 20, 2021
حرف تازه ای واسه گفتن نداشت به نظر من. بیشتر حرفاش کلیشه ای بودن و یا اینطور بگم که حداقل برای جامعه ما نیست و به درد ما نمی خوره. راهکارهاش بد نبودن ولی متاسفانه و هزاران متاسفانه که مردم ما ظرفیت این سواد عاطفی و روش هاش رو ندارن. اگر کسی هم بیاد این ها رو رعایت کنه به شدت ضربه خواهد دید از اطرافیانش. چطور که من با خوندنش دیدم چقدر همیشه اکثر این روش ها رو در زندگیم به کار بردم و نتیجه ای جز شکست برام نداشته
April 23, 2012
At the risk of sounding redundant , I really , really liked this book . Though I couldn't agree with several of his points , I found the 15 emotionally literate transactions captivating . That may sound like an aggrandized statement , but what I found captivating is that those principles are what I long for in relationships . I more often than not feel people prefer a safe shallow relationship and I'm always searching for something deeper . I'm not referring to romantic relationships exclusively , in general that's how I would prefer to operate . It was captivating to read a book about a person who has spent his life in pursuit of the very same thing :)
Recommended to people having relationship troubles , it's not your common everyday communication book nor is it a relationship repair book . Just basic points of genuine human needs . Greatly enjoyed the read :)
The book Review I did for class :
Claude Steiner’s Emotional Literacy: Intelligence with a heart. This is a self-help book on what it means to be emotionally literate and how to become so. Copy write 2003, ISBN 1-932181-02-4. The author’s purpose in writing this book is his wish to share with others his belief that emotional literacy is a source of personal power indispensable for success in today’s world.
Due to Steiner’s personal history with the subject, his education in scientific training and from his professional experiences, he speaks with authority on the topic of emotional literacy. The subject is not a foreign concept to Steiner, but deeply personal, as he grew up completely emotionally illiterate. Steiner has been highly influenced by a psychiatrist named Eric Berne who developed Transactional Analysis.
The author’s theme is; the benefits of learning how to be emotionally literate.
The author’s thesis is; emotional literacy can be learned through the practice of specific transactional exercises that target the awareness of emotion in ourselves and others, the capacities to love others and ourselves while developing honesty and the ability to take responsibility for our actions.
In support of his thesis, Steiner’s method of development is description through narration. His narration usually takes the form of scripted storytelling, showing the reader how different conversations could play out and why. Steiner also implements series of exposition, usually presenting case studies or collected data, backing his reasoning. Anything from couples he’s counseled to the latest scientific research on what can be considered a primary and second emotion.
I agree with the author’s opinion that people’s actions do indeed cause emotions in us contrary to popular belief. Also as an extension of that, forgiveness is a process and it is far better to gently decline an apology if you’re not ready to accept it. Steiner took a rarely seen approach to honesty in relationships. Steiner believes complete honesty is vital to relationship because even the most minor discrepancy often causes extreme emotional turmoil to the other party down the road, especially if they found out the truth from someone other than their partner. I personally agree with the complete honesty policy, but I could see the other side of the coin if you’re in a relationship with a more sensitive person.
This was a second edition, but most of the information was taken from the late 80’s still quite a bit out of date in relation to psychological developments. I think the basic concepts Steiner teaches in his classic story, the warm fuzzies and cold pricklies, remains the same. However, the American and European population has clearly become even more emotionally illiterate. The book fails to give any suggestions to someone in the situation where they are the only member interested in taking on the fifteen emotional transactions, stating that this program is best done in a group of cooperative and supportive group.
The authors main topics were; emotional awareness, training to be emotionally literate, opening the heart , surveying the emotional landscape, the mistakes we make and why we make them and taking responsibility. Emotional awareness, discussed in chapter 2, can be pictured by a scale. At the bottom of the scale is zero awareness, a dangerous place to be. At the top of the scale, is of course 100 percent awareness, something few achieve. In between those two are ranges, anything from numbness to physical sensations, empathy to interactivity. Hear Steiner points out that our thoughts can trigger our emotions but cannot seem to shut them off, which is why it is important to have the knowledge and skills to move up the scale.
That is where the training to be emotionally literate comes into play. Steiner covers these in small steps; opening the heart, surveying the emotional landscape, the mistakes we make and why we make them and taking responsibility. Taking responsibility for our mistakes is important if we want to receive forgiveness from others for the injuries our mistakes may cause. Steiner is quick to point out that sometimes the hurt is so deep that the other person will choose to never forgive. We also learn from our mistakes so it is vital to be aware of them and seek opportunity in the future to correct them.
Emotional literacy is an important aspect to being a mature well rounded person, at least equal to that of your Intelligence Quotient. I think Steiner proved his thesis; emotional literacy can be learned through the practice of specific transactional exercises that target the awareness of emotion in ourselves and others, the capacities to love others and ourselves while developing honesty and the ability to take responsibility for our actions.
Recommended to people having relationship troubles , it's not your common everyday communication book nor is it a relationship repair book . Just basic points of genuine human needs . Greatly enjoyed the read :)
The book Review I did for class :
Claude Steiner’s Emotional Literacy: Intelligence with a heart. This is a self-help book on what it means to be emotionally literate and how to become so. Copy write 2003, ISBN 1-932181-02-4. The author’s purpose in writing this book is his wish to share with others his belief that emotional literacy is a source of personal power indispensable for success in today’s world.
Due to Steiner’s personal history with the subject, his education in scientific training and from his professional experiences, he speaks with authority on the topic of emotional literacy. The subject is not a foreign concept to Steiner, but deeply personal, as he grew up completely emotionally illiterate. Steiner has been highly influenced by a psychiatrist named Eric Berne who developed Transactional Analysis.
The author’s theme is; the benefits of learning how to be emotionally literate.
The author’s thesis is; emotional literacy can be learned through the practice of specific transactional exercises that target the awareness of emotion in ourselves and others, the capacities to love others and ourselves while developing honesty and the ability to take responsibility for our actions.
In support of his thesis, Steiner’s method of development is description through narration. His narration usually takes the form of scripted storytelling, showing the reader how different conversations could play out and why. Steiner also implements series of exposition, usually presenting case studies or collected data, backing his reasoning. Anything from couples he’s counseled to the latest scientific research on what can be considered a primary and second emotion.
I agree with the author’s opinion that people’s actions do indeed cause emotions in us contrary to popular belief. Also as an extension of that, forgiveness is a process and it is far better to gently decline an apology if you’re not ready to accept it. Steiner took a rarely seen approach to honesty in relationships. Steiner believes complete honesty is vital to relationship because even the most minor discrepancy often causes extreme emotional turmoil to the other party down the road, especially if they found out the truth from someone other than their partner. I personally agree with the complete honesty policy, but I could see the other side of the coin if you’re in a relationship with a more sensitive person.
This was a second edition, but most of the information was taken from the late 80’s still quite a bit out of date in relation to psychological developments. I think the basic concepts Steiner teaches in his classic story, the warm fuzzies and cold pricklies, remains the same. However, the American and European population has clearly become even more emotionally illiterate. The book fails to give any suggestions to someone in the situation where they are the only member interested in taking on the fifteen emotional transactions, stating that this program is best done in a group of cooperative and supportive group.
The authors main topics were; emotional awareness, training to be emotionally literate, opening the heart , surveying the emotional landscape, the mistakes we make and why we make them and taking responsibility. Emotional awareness, discussed in chapter 2, can be pictured by a scale. At the bottom of the scale is zero awareness, a dangerous place to be. At the top of the scale, is of course 100 percent awareness, something few achieve. In between those two are ranges, anything from numbness to physical sensations, empathy to interactivity. Hear Steiner points out that our thoughts can trigger our emotions but cannot seem to shut them off, which is why it is important to have the knowledge and skills to move up the scale.
That is where the training to be emotionally literate comes into play. Steiner covers these in small steps; opening the heart, surveying the emotional landscape, the mistakes we make and why we make them and taking responsibility. Taking responsibility for our mistakes is important if we want to receive forgiveness from others for the injuries our mistakes may cause. Steiner is quick to point out that sometimes the hurt is so deep that the other person will choose to never forgive. We also learn from our mistakes so it is vital to be aware of them and seek opportunity in the future to correct them.
Emotional literacy is an important aspect to being a mature well rounded person, at least equal to that of your Intelligence Quotient. I think Steiner proved his thesis; emotional literacy can be learned through the practice of specific transactional exercises that target the awareness of emotion in ourselves and others, the capacities to love others and ourselves while developing honesty and the ability to take responsibility for our actions.
May 11, 2017
Прекрасная структурированная книга с большим количеством инструментов для использования в жизни
Книгу читала на английском и выписала основные мысли на английском. Здесь Вы можете найти подробный анализ на английском https://www.evernote.com/l/AX3IxqPMIO...…
Некоторые интересные мысли на русском:
1) людям нужны положительные ПОГЛАЖИВАНИЯ (STROKES) - то есть комплименты, знаки внимания, объятия и так далее
2) когда человек страдает от недостатка положительных поглаживаний он начинает играть в ИГРЫ. В этих играх основные три роли - это жертва, преследователь и спаситель.
3) человек, который вошел в игру попеременно играет все три роли. Игры заводят нас в тупик и мешают развиваться нашему эмоциональному интеллекту,
4) у ПОГЛАЖИВАНИЙ есть злейший враг CRITICAL PARENT (критический родитель) - это внутренний голос, который не позволяет нам думать хорошо о себе или о других, мешает нам быть открытыми и искренними в высказывании своих чувств. А иногда мешает принимать положительные комплименты, нашептывая, что то вроде “Это не может быть про тебя, они тебе просто льстят и так далее”
5) 3 ступени эмоционального тренинга по Клоду Штайнер следующие:
1) ОТКРЫТИЕ СЕРДЦА: давать поглаживания и принимать их. Основное правило: поглаживания должны быть честными,
2) АНАЛИЗ ЭМОЦИОНАЛЬНОЙ ОБСТАНОВКИ:
a) чтобы выразить свою эмоцию нужно воспользоваться формулой: Действие/Чувство
Например: “Когда ты прервал звонок, я почувствовала сильную злость”
Фраза должна быть безоценочной, только действие и чувство, которое это вызвало.
Это упражнение позволяет нам построить свою эмоциональную карту, какие действия являются триггерами для того, чтобы запустить то или иное чувство.
b) следующим шагом является высказывание своих предчувствий вслух.
“Когда ты прервал звонок, я почувствовала сильную злость и обиду. У меня ощущение, что ты обижен на меня, так ли это?”
Принимающая сторона должна понимать, что у любого предчувствия есть основание и постараться разобраться есть ли доля правды в предчувствии собеседника.
Если возникают какие-либо ощущения/предчувствия их нужно выверять и перепроверять, ни в коем случае не позволять, чтобы разыгралась фантазия и интуиция превратилась в паранойю.
Интуиция является очень важным инструментом в развитии эмпатии.
3) третья ступень тренинга - это ПРИНЯТИЕ ОТВЕТСВЕННОСТИ.
здесь важно осознать свою ошибку, почувствовать всю глубину удара для собеседника (так как порой то, что для одного человека безобидная оплошность, для другого - большой удар), признаться в своей ошибке и искренне сделать изменения в своем поведении, действиях, чтобы это не повторялось.
В самом конце автор предлагает альтернативу силе контроля и манипуляций.
Он выделяет следующие 7 составляющих ВНУТРЕННЕЙ СИЛЫ:
BALANCE - to stand your ground (стойко стоять на ногах)
PASSION - to energise you (Страсть чтоб получать энергию)
CONTROL - to keep a steady course (следовать намеченному курсу)
СOMMUNICATION - to effectively interact with others (эффективно коммуницировать с окружающими)
INFORMATION - to make accurate predictions (делать точные прогнозы)
TRANSCEDENCE - to let events take their course without getting upset or letting your ego get involved
LOVE - to harmonise and give all these capacities a powerful forward thrust
Книгу читала на английском и выписала основные мысли на английском. Здесь Вы можете найти подробный анализ на английском https://www.evernote.com/l/AX3IxqPMIO...…
Некоторые интересные мысли на русском:
1) людям нужны положительные ПОГЛАЖИВАНИЯ (STROKES) - то есть комплименты, знаки внимания, объятия и так далее
2) когда человек страдает от недостатка положительных поглаживаний он начинает играть в ИГРЫ. В этих играх основные три роли - это жертва, преследователь и спаситель.
3) человек, который вошел в игру попеременно играет все три роли. Игры заводят нас в тупик и мешают развиваться нашему эмоциональному интеллекту,
4) у ПОГЛАЖИВАНИЙ есть злейший враг CRITICAL PARENT (критический родитель) - это внутренний голос, который не позволяет нам думать хорошо о себе или о других, мешает нам быть открытыми и искренними в высказывании своих чувств. А иногда мешает принимать положительные комплименты, нашептывая, что то вроде “Это не может быть про тебя, они тебе просто льстят и так далее”
5) 3 ступени эмоционального тренинга по Клоду Штайнер следующие:
1) ОТКРЫТИЕ СЕРДЦА: давать поглаживания и принимать их. Основное правило: поглаживания должны быть честными,
2) АНАЛИЗ ЭМОЦИОНАЛЬНОЙ ОБСТАНОВКИ:
a) чтобы выразить свою эмоцию нужно воспользоваться формулой: Действие/Чувство
Например: “Когда ты прервал звонок, я почувствовала сильную злость”
Фраза должна быть безоценочной, только действие и чувство, которое это вызвало.
Это упражнение позволяет нам построить свою эмоциональную карту, какие действия являются триггерами для того, чтобы запустить то или иное чувство.
b) следующим шагом является высказывание своих предчувствий вслух.
“Когда ты прервал звонок, я почувствовала сильную злость и обиду. У меня ощущение, что ты обижен на меня, так ли это?”
Принимающая сторона должна понимать, что у любого предчувствия есть основание и постараться разобраться есть ли доля правды в предчувствии собеседника.
Если возникают какие-либо ощущения/предчувствия их нужно выверять и перепроверять, ни в коем случае не позволять, чтобы разыгралась фантазия и интуиция превратилась в паранойю.
Интуиция является очень важным инструментом в развитии эмпатии.
3) третья ступень тренинга - это ПРИНЯТИЕ ОТВЕТСВЕННОСТИ.
здесь важно осознать свою ошибку, почувствовать всю глубину удара для собеседника (так как порой то, что для одного человека безобидная оплошность, для другого - большой удар), признаться в своей ошибке и искренне сделать изменения в своем поведении, действиях, чтобы это не повторялось.
В самом конце автор предлагает альтернативу силе контроля и манипуляций.
Он выделяет следующие 7 составляющих ВНУТРЕННЕЙ СИЛЫ:
BALANCE - to stand your ground (стойко стоять на ногах)
PASSION - to energise you (Страсть чтоб получать энергию)
CONTROL - to keep a steady course (следовать намеченному курсу)
СOMMUNICATION - to effectively interact with others (эффективно коммуницировать с окружающими)
INFORMATION - to make accurate predictions (делать точные прогнозы)
TRANSCEDENCE - to let events take their course without getting upset or letting your ego get involved
LOVE - to harmonise and give all these capacities a powerful forward thrust
March 22, 2009
Could be significantly shorter and conveyed the same information. A shorter book would reach more people which seems to be the author's purpose.
April 10, 2020
Неоднозначное впечатление от книги. С одной стороны, абсолютно чистые, светлые и здравые идеи. Ядро и центральная идея - прекрасны. Потому книга стоила прочтения.
Но с другой стороны, слишком идиализированные придуманные диалоги, для иллюстрации идей. "Люди так не разговаривают, не используют таких конструкций!" - крутилось у меня в голове пока читала. Потому для применения идей этой книги, все таки нужны люди, которые ее тоже прочитали. Автор делает на этом акцент ближе к концу книги, а я бы предпочла узнать это вначале.
Но с другой стороны, слишком идиализированные придуманные диалоги, для иллюстрации идей. "Люди так не разговаривают, не используют таких конструкций!" - крутилось у меня в голове пока читала. Потому для применения идей этой книги, все таки нужны люди, которые ее тоже прочитали. Автор делает на этом акцент ближе к концу книги, а я бы предпочла узнать это вначале.
July 30, 2022
یه کتاب کاربردی و به درد بخور تو زمینه سواد عاطفی که به نظرم خوندنش برای همه آدما ضروریه.
این کتاب برخلاف کتابای زرد، چشم انداز خوبی از سواد عاطفی برامون تعریف میکنه و راه های رسیدن بهش رو بهمون نشون میده.
اما نکته قابل توجه اینه که خوندن این کتاب فقط آگاهی ما رو درباره سواد عاطفی بالا میبره؛ اصلِ کار عمل کردن به دستور العملهاش در بستر زندگی فردیه که خب کار آسونی نیست اما به نظرم ضروریه :))
این کتاب برخلاف کتابای زرد، چشم انداز خوبی از سواد عاطفی برامون تعریف میکنه و راه های رسیدن بهش رو بهمون نشون میده.
اما نکته قابل توجه اینه که خوندن این کتاب فقط آگاهی ما رو درباره سواد عاطفی بالا میبره؛ اصلِ کار عمل کردن به دستور العملهاش در بستر زندگی فردیه که خب کار آسونی نیست اما به نظرم ضروریه :))
Read
December 25, 2020All in all, this was an interesting book worth reading. Here are my biggest takeaways:
1. Humans love strokes. We should make a habit of giving positive strokes to those around us as generously as possible. The Stroke Economy is an allusion. We should also reject the strokes we don't want.
2. Action/Feeling Statements: "When you.... I felt .....": No judgments or accusations. And then the other person accepts this without becoming defensive. SO important.
3. Revealing intuitions & paranoid fantasies: this was one of the best and the most counter-intuitive pieces of advice I found in this book. To actually reveal your tentative, paranoid ideas to others? Very liberating. I mean, I probably won't do this w many people but I'm aware of the idea now.
Validation of paranoid fantasies: again, GENUIS. I think this might actually be a good strategy and I'm willing to try it with someone.
4. Rectifying lies, Rescue, Persecution, Victim behavior:
This cycle was very enlightening. Although I was familiar w it before, I have a better understanding of it now and I'm starting to see the rescuer pattern in my own life although I am FAR from the classic rescuer.
5. You can deny or accept forgiveness
I didn't know you can deny forgiveness!
****
This book is very much based on the idea that you must ALWAYS be as honest as possible. I don't know if I agree with this. I'm generally honest, but not as honest as suggested here. I do tell lies of omission in order to protect others' feelings. I'll have to think about it more, but I think I'm going to try and become a bit more honest in my life.
1. Humans love strokes. We should make a habit of giving positive strokes to those around us as generously as possible. The Stroke Economy is an allusion. We should also reject the strokes we don't want.
2. Action/Feeling Statements: "When you.... I felt .....": No judgments or accusations. And then the other person accepts this without becoming defensive. SO important.
3. Revealing intuitions & paranoid fantasies: this was one of the best and the most counter-intuitive pieces of advice I found in this book. To actually reveal your tentative, paranoid ideas to others? Very liberating. I mean, I probably won't do this w many people but I'm aware of the idea now.
Validation of paranoid fantasies: again, GENUIS. I think this might actually be a good strategy and I'm willing to try it with someone.
4. Rectifying lies, Rescue, Persecution, Victim behavior:
This cycle was very enlightening. Although I was familiar w it before, I have a better understanding of it now and I'm starting to see the rescuer pattern in my own life although I am FAR from the classic rescuer.
5. You can deny or accept forgiveness
I didn't know you can deny forgiveness!
****
This book is very much based on the idea that you must ALWAYS be as honest as possible. I don't know if I agree with this. I'm generally honest, but not as honest as suggested here. I do tell lies of omission in order to protect others' feelings. I'll have to think about it more, but I think I'm going to try and become a bit more honest in my life.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 15, 2018
4 stars because with this type of books, there is always something that doesn't resonates with me or I wouldn't do something in the exact way it is suggested. However, in this particular book those things are few and far in between.
If you are after a quality read that will help to understand emotion processes during interactions better, then you will like the book very much. It also gives a new perspectives on how to approach a misunderstanding and how to effectively resolve a conflict. I am sure I will get back to it for a second read at some point. Definitely worth reading it.
And not to forget, I absolutely loved the Philosopher's notes at the end of the book. It gives a concise overlook of certain concepts mentioned throughout the book, and it is a nice touch that only increase the already high quality of this reading.
If you are after a quality read that will help to understand emotion processes during interactions better, then you will like the book very much. It also gives a new perspectives on how to approach a misunderstanding and how to effectively resolve a conflict. I am sure I will get back to it for a second read at some point. Definitely worth reading it.
And not to forget, I absolutely loved the Philosopher's notes at the end of the book. It gives a concise overlook of certain concepts mentioned throughout the book, and it is a nice touch that only increase the already high quality of this reading.
December 2, 2017
Your emotions...your heart.. how could one be friends with these emotions and never argue with your own heart... Try to compare your thoughts with these of the clinical psychologist and transactional analyst. Believe me you will find it very useful and a great fun. For achieving emotional power you will take into account and agree with the point of view of the author or maybe not...But the book is very kind and full of Love...it is obvious.
February 16, 2021
Pored svih pismenosti, imamo i emocionalnu pismenost, ne manje važnu, ali često zapostavljenu. Nju je uveo u psihologiju, Klod Štajner pisac ove knjige. Tema je obrađena na lep i jednostavan način, uz puno primera iz života i prakse, i kao dopuna razumevanja ponašanja u pojedinim situacijama i kako slušanjem i iskrenim razgovorom mnogo toga možemo rešiti. Preporuka
May 29, 2019
I have to, I need to read this book once a year for the rest of my life.
September 20, 2019
An essential self improve book for each human being
November 28, 2020
Not good but not bad
April 19, 2023
Great introduction to transactional analysis
September 21, 2024
Leitura fácil , recomendo
May 21, 2025
Officially becoming Claude Steiner's emotional warrior
August 14, 2013
Very useful self-teaching book about emotional literacy, fighting our Critical Parent (or its funny synonym "The Pig Parent"), about empathy, selflessness etc.
Actually, it is possible for anyone to adopt some basic rules explained in the book. The only thing I see as a problem, at least in my society, is the fact that these skills and behavior should be trained in larger groups (at work, in your house, with your children....) and the book has to be read by all who participate (more common in less conservative societies). It takes a lot of time, but it is worth trying.
Actually, it is possible for anyone to adopt some basic rules explained in the book. The only thing I see as a problem, at least in my society, is the fact that these skills and behavior should be trained in larger groups (at work, in your house, with your children....) and the book has to be read by all who participate (more common in less conservative societies). It takes a lot of time, but it is worth trying.
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