What a conflicting end to this series, I have a lot to say.
The romance between Kate and Daniel was set up through the series in such a way that you really root for them to get back together, and to be honest, I wasn't expecting for them to run into each other so quickly in this book. I was anticipating Kate to get closer to this Justin guy and then get engaged, but then find out that her first love is still alive and then be conflicted on whether to break her engagement to go back to him or stay-- but instead, we see her adjust to the news of Daniel being alive, and instead of being overjoyed that he's back, she sees this as yet another betrayal by someone close to her. I saw some other reviews mention that they can't imagine being upset to find their presumed dead first-love back alive in front of them, but remember, the central conflict of these books and the reason Kate ran away in the first place is that she was lied to by everyone she trusted in the first book. Her parents lied to her about a core part of her identity, and now she realizes that Dan, her sweetheart, lied to her too and abandoned her to deal with all of the events of the first book alone. We see her going through that emotional rollercoaster and ultimately unable to accept it. She tells him to leave her alone and don't bother her again, but as the pain fades, he starts sending her letters about his Mennonite faith and that he hopes she will learn the love of Jesus. Which she eventually does, more on that later. Despite everything that happens, the books are set up for you to want them to get back together and I kind of wished that happened in a different way than it did, because what ultimately gets Kate to go back to Daniel is reading her mother's diaries. Which, that being the reason is honestly really messed up for reasons I'll mention later.
This book focused a bit more on Mary Stoltsfus, which was interesting. Mary's conflict left me sad. She's going through it because she thinks she's too fat and unattractive and old at 20 years old that she isn't going to get the chance to get married, but now that Katie is gone, she has the chance to marry widow John Byler, their bishop. Katie's mom is pissed about this and accuses her of trying to steal Katie's man, which is ridiculous and obviously from grief, because Katie didn't want to marry John, that's why she ran away from home, lol. Anyway, Mary is courting John in secret and at first it seems really romantic and sweet. We even hear that the parish is getting so large that it might be broken into two communities soon, and Mary is excited about this because it means that Katie might be able to come back and talk to her family and friends again, because the new community will have a different bishop, one who might not be so strict. However, in either situation, MARY still won't be allowed to talk to Katie, because when the communities split, she's going to be in John Byler's community. She wants to marry John, the guy who kicked Katie out and enforced her shunning, so Mary is going to be made to follow John's strict rules regardless. She uses her womanly wiles to try and convince John to lit the shunning on Kate, but insodoing, she starts to have some doubts about this relationship when she realizes that John is kind of using her to fill the role of mother, maid, cook, and bedwench. God forbid men have to do their own cooking or interact with their own kids. Which... yeah? He IS using you for that, Mary. Notice how it really wasn't about Katie, when he wanted to get married, and that he's content to stick you into that place now that Katie left? Any woman will do to fill that role. It's not about love, it's about the duties you'll fulfill for him. But, Mary then decides to marry him anyway and the end of her story is her being really haggard and harried and busy caring for all these stepkids and literally barefoot and soon to be pregnant. Her ending was kind of sad.
Let's talk about Rebecca, Kate's Amish mother, for a minute. Rebecca going mad was a big part of book 2, the Confession, but that plotline was abruptly dropped in this book. It isn't resolved and isn't explained why she isn't going crazy anymore. She was literally delirious in the last book but she's completely fine again now. There was no resolution to that, she got her sanity back without any reason. You'd think she would've gone even more bonkers after Ella Mae took the baby dress but that seemed to cure it? Rebecca just wasn't a big focus of this book, we didn't even get a scene of her breaking into grateful tears when the preacher said he would allow contact between Kate and the family again, y'know, the thing she was so upset about in the last book that she was literally having hallucinations and languishing in bed??? No reaction! It was so strange that we don't see her reacting to these huge emotional moments after book 2 focused on her so closely. I was also hoping for a really touching reunion scene with Kate when she comes back to visit, but we never... really get that? I was expecting more of a detailed and emotional scene when they reunited, tears and joy from Rebecca, but we didn't get that, it kind of deflated me after all the build up of book 2.
Justin. Oh Justin, the relationship with him was really rushed seeming, it could honestly have been cut entirely because he really had no impact on the story at all? There was no tension or contrast between him and Dan other than to show that he wasn't 'christian enough' for Kate compared to Dan, he wasn't as interested in religion as Kate was. The reason that she doesn't fully love Justin is because he isn't that excited when she joins a church and gets really obsessed with her new evangelical born-again christian church, which yeah, if I was him, I would be concerned if my girlfriend, who just escaped the cult of the Amish church and lost her adopted family, and then went through the death of her birth mother, is now SUPER INTO this new religious organization she's joined and is giving them lots of money and all her free time. I'd be worried for her too, but Kate takes his lukewarm comments about her church-going as a sign that he's not a true believer. The relationship dissolved without a single scene or even a sentence? She apparently loved this man enough to get engaged to him, but we don't see Kate have to break off their engagement or even talk to him that often really. He literally just disappeared when the story no longer needed him.
The central conflict of these books and something that I noticed was actually a brilliant touch by the author, is Kate being drawn to the 'english' world. Do you remember the horse, Satin-boy? That was a special name that Kate gave to the horse, who is supposed to be a representation of her desire to be english and fancy-- but that's not it, is it. She's not fixated on being English exactly, but a very specific aspect of that life. We never see Kate fantasizing about having electricity, using the phone, riding in fancy cars. The thing she fantasizes about is wearing a satin dress, styling her hair, shaving, wearing makeup. She essentially longs to be /beautiful/ and feminine and have individuality. Amish people all dress the same and women cover their hair, which is the one thing that makes her an individual, she's the only one with red hair and she has to cover it up, she longs to let her hair down and run through the fields. There's this really sad moment in this book where she's reminiscing about childhood and remembering that she was underdeveloped compared to the other girls, and that the only time she saw herself as an individual was when she looked down at her shadow compared to the other girls. Her struggle and her running away isn't about wanting to be extravagant or escape the rules, it's about wanting to be herself. There's something there-- that theme is what makes these books deeper than they initially look on the surface.
Also, you can't read this books without getting into some kind of religious analysis. You can't separate this book from the christianity in it, and the specific kind of christianity that the author believes in particular-- because Beverly Lewis really laid it on thick. From an athiest perspectice, it was painfully clear that these books were written by an evangelical protestant who is obsessed with the percieved 'purity' and simplicity of the Amish lifestyle, as many evangelical women are, they're the main readers of the genre! She has her heroine, Kate, convert to her own religion and join a branch of HER own church! She leaves one cult and is immediately sucked into another cult, evangelical protestant 'born-again' christianity. The storyline also needs you to be invested in the idea that the Amish, and honestly, every other branch of Christianity besides Beverly Lewis's DO NOT KNOW about the light or love of Jesus. The book pretends that the Amish don't believe in Jesus, salvation, or that Jesus died for the sins of the world. Which is a pretty weird thing to get wrong, unless you realize that she had to set it up that way to justify the main character joining the author's religious beliefs and becoming a born-again believer like her. The book wants you to think that America is a dark void that has never heard of Jesus and that even the Amish, pious devout people that they are, don't know about eternal salvation. You realize how bonkers it is the moment you say it out loud. We're supposed to believe that Kate has 'found' Jesus and is now a TRUE follower of Jesus for the first time in her life, and that her previous spiritual life and baptism apparently weren't real experiences for her because she didn't know jesus before this. And then, crazier still, none of it matters at the end because she converts to being a Mennonite to be with Daniel and become a submissive wife! Her spiritual journey didn't matter, she joined another branch of Anabaptism, y'know, the same religious sect as the Amish??? And in the same breath says that she swears off dogmatism and the ordnung, while joining another really conservative and patriarchal religion that believes almost exactly the same things. Weird.
And can we talk about how weird the end of the book was, the whole 'Katherine finally found her mom's diary' chapter. It actually shocked me that I didn't notice before how stupid and nonsensical the 'my birth mother was secretly rich' plotline was. I never realized that it didn't make sense until that moment of reading the diary. This plotline is actually ridiculous - 'You're not actually amish, you're a rich english-woman's daughter! And she gave you up to Amish people on purpose because she thought that.... growing up rich and privileged would be BAD for you!!!!' It made no sense. Laura was a teenage mom who had family support, loving parents, all the financial resources necessary to raise the baby and still get her education. She also loved the baby and wanted it. So WHY did she adopt it out? What a stupid plotline. Maybe if she had been a desparate teen mother whose parents had kicked her out and she was penniless it would have made more sense, but then Katherine wouldn't have gotten her rich-bitch mansion money plotline. Dude, lmao, let me adopt my beloved baby out to people who live in a community known for having 10 kids per family. She didn't even give Katie to a childless couple, she deliberately chose an Amish family because she thinks they'll love her more than her parents loved her. Which, girl???? You can tell this book was written by someone upper-middle class or above because the whole diary was so tone-deaf. Rich, spoiled teenage girl who grew up in a mansion goes 'DOY-OY-OY, it will be the best thing for my baby to NOT grow up in a mansion with servants, I've always secretly wished we were poor! I bet poor people are happier than us rich people' Tripe so ridiculous and insensitive that only a rich person could have typed out. Laura literally says her own rich privileged childhood was worthless because she was an only child with no siblings, and that she would've been happier as a poor dirt baby in a strict religious society. Screw you, mom and dad, who gave me everything and cared for me during the pregnancy and wanted me to keep the baby! I want her to have all the 'simple things' that I didn't have, even though I grew up with everything! I always secretly wished we were poor, I secretly wished we struggled and lived in degradation and suffering, a wish that only a spoiled pampered rich girl who doesn't know what poverty is like could wish' So weird. And this-- seeing that her mother always wished for her to be Amish, is what makes Kate decide to sell the mansion and go back to Dan. WOW. The reason she goes back to Dan is because she reads her mom's diary and goes 'WOW, my mom gave me up as a baby to these people and it was HER wish that I live with them! I guess I was always meant to be plain!'
So the whole storyline was pointless and she ends up back where she started, but she believes in JESUS NOW. Even though the Amish know about Jesus, they're literally strict christians. I was left reeling by the ending, god. Time to read the prequel that was released like 25 years later last year.