A Decembered Grief: Living with Loss While Others are Celebrating

by Harold Ivan Smith

Suffering the loss of a loved one at any time of the year is difficult, yet during the holidays or special occasions, those grieving experience a more intense sense of loss. The world is moving forward and celebrating life and all its blessings, yet for grievers, a darkness pervades the holiday.This book is an invitation to Christmas and its companion holidays of the season which compose a grueling triathlon which begins on Thanksgiving and continues unabated for forty-five days until the last of the bowl games on New Year’s Day. Through quotes, prayers, Scriptures and the words of the author, A Decembered Grief is designed to guide the reader on the journey beyond ’the shadow’ and directly through ’the valley of death.’ Paper.

Genres: Grief, Self Help

134 pages, Paperback

First published August 30, 1999

About the author

Harold Ivan Smith, 1947-

Harold Ivan Smith, MA, ED.S., FT, DMin, is a national speaker, noted author, experienced counselor and grief educator. He has presented bereavement workshops across the country, training more than 20,000 professionals and lay caregivers during a thirty-year career. Seminar and conference attendees rave about interactions with Harold Ivan, and his insightful gifts of helping, healing, and facilitating grief.

A prolific writer, he has authored dozens of books and resources, included best seller, A Decembered Grief: Living with Loss When Others are Celebrating. Also among his titles are Griefkeeping: Learning How Long Grief Lasts; ABCs of Healthy Bereavement; Grievers Ask, When You Don’t Know What to Say; When Your Friend Dies; Finding Your Way to Say Goodbye: Comfort for the Dying and Those Who Care for Them; and Grieving the Death of a Father. His newest book, Using Biographical and Historical Grief Narratives With The Bereaving (Routledge).

He is also an authority of the griefs of American Presidents and First Ladies. He facilitates Grief Gatherings, an innovative storytelling program at Saint Luke’s Hospital in Kansas City, Missouri, where he is a member of the teaching faculty. Harold Ivan is active in the Association for Death Education and Counseling (ADEC) and is designated a Fellow in Thanatology (FT).

Reviews

[Kaylyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this book as a gift right after our son's suicide in 2015. I have been given a lot of books on surviving grief, understanding grief, handling grief, coping with suicide, losing a loved one, etc, etc. and have found that the majority of them, at least for me, were boring and no help at all.A Decembered Grief, by Harold Ivan Smith is the first book I have found interesting and quite helpful. His book offers suggestions on how to handle every type of situation that arises during what he calls, "the three holidays." I wish I had read it sooner.
This is an excellent book (which is available in a gift edition) to give to anyone who has lost a loved one within the last year. The best time to read this is in October to prepare for the holiday season starting with Thanksgiving.

[Erica · Rating 2 out of 5]

A guide for navigating the holiday season in the wake of loss. It’s format – many very brief sections with quite a few quotes, scriptural and other – is easily digested. And, as with any text that claims to offer suggestions pertaining to grief and loss, you’ve got to take what is useful and leave the rest. One image I liked a lot: “Thoughts about the holidays often resemble something of the bumper cars at the county or state fair. You’re enjoying the ride, minding your own business, when Bam! You get sideswiped or rammed. So it will be with memories and ideas competing for your attention…” Perhaps my rating was a bit harsh… but it stands!

[Isabelle V]

It's evident that the author directly relates to the feelings of grief while in different seasons of the survivor's grief cycle. I was able to identify almost on the whole landscape of the waves of expected and unexpected emotions. Sometimes one wonders if they are the only ones thinking some of the akward moments that exist when surrounded by close and distant acquaintances but the author really validates that those feelings and thoughts are very real and very common on both ends of the encounter. It loved this book. I will read it again.

[MaryLee Robinson, Author, The Widow or Widower Next Door · Rating 5 out of 5]

A friend found this little gem for me, shortly after my husband died. I've turned to it on many holidays. Each time I do, I find something that brings me comfort and strength, and a way forward through the holiday ahead.

[Connie · Rating 1 out of 5]

"Befuddle someone"? Seriously?! As a chapter in a book about grieving. This book was not for me. I flipped through it and read a couple of pages but that was it.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love this book and refer back to its prayers and inspiration in times of need. Great for dealing with past and present losses and grief. Highly recommend.

[Brenda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lost both parents within 2years, both near Thanksgiving &Christmas. Very helpful &insightful read - handling grief &significant loss.

[Roxi]

Recommended by Kathy at Grief Share