This is not the worst book I've cracked this year, but it's far from the best. I picked it up at the library (thank God I didn't spend any money on it) for some very light summer reading...you know the kind...it keeps you turning the pages but doesn't tax the intellect at all.
Well, it filled the bill on the intellect part, but boy, did I want to stop turning the pages.
It's not that every book I open should be "Crime and Punishment", but really...there's a fine line between light and flaky like a biscuit, and downright insulting. This was dangerously close to insulting.
My question is, as it far too often is, "Who edits this shit?" I'm afraid the answer is "Nobody edits this shit", or worse yet, "Somebody who doesn't care about the reader and only wants to get the book out there to make a buck and/or fulfill the author's contract". That's who.
Here are a few of my complaints. This does not represent a complete list and is not arranged in order of degree of annoyance.
1. For the love of GOD, would people PLEASE learn the difference between "to lie" and "to lay" in the present tense? I don't have the space or time to give a grammar lesson here, but really -- "She lay her head on his shoulder", meant in the past tense, always makes me want to respond "Do she, now?" You can't use "lay" in this role. You have to use "laid". I don't care if it sounds fancy enough, "laid" is right. F---ing learn some grammar. You're a writer -- or an editor -- for Christ's sake.
2. Enough with the food porn. If I have to read one more description of some woman's own homemade luscious cranberry-almond-orange peel muffins, I'm going to projectile vomit and throw the book across the room. The main character in this book eventually runs a B&B on Nantucket, so there's way too much of this crap (masquerading as rich detail for the plot). Plus, she worries about her dancer daughter becoming "anorectic", and then says she herself will get fat if she keeps eating cookie batter. And she drinks enough hot chocolate to float a battleship. Make up your mind. And we've had enough of women-as-nurturer metaphors expressed through food. This is what made us all neurotic in the first place.
3. PLEASE be accurate in your word choice. Example: "Lanky" is not a bad body type for a potential ballet dancer. It does not necessarily rule out shoulders too broad for a serious dancer, either. If you want to set up that state of affairs, perhaps "rangy" would be a better option. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
4. PLEASE use accurate information. Example: A girl does not get her period before her breasts begin to grow. I know this because our pediatrician just informed me of the order of puberty operations a month ago.
5. PLEASE don't beat me over the head with things. Example: She wanted to kiss him, she couldn't wait to get her clothes off, he looked so sexy she wanted to throw him on the kitchen table and have sex with him right there. If you state this subtly, and effectively, you won't have to belabor the point. He's hot as hell and she wants to do him. There, I said it once, succinctly. Now I can stop saying it.
There's plenty more where that came from (shoddy character development, minor characters who show up to make one point and then vanish, etc.), but it boils down to this: STOP INSULTING YOUR READERS. We can tell a well-crafted story from one that hews to a well-worn trope. This is the latter.
Somebody needs to hire me to do this full-time. I may not be able to analyze literature like a professor, but I can sure find the holes in plots and the mistakes in writing and bring them to light. Just call me Diogenes, with my lantern, searching in vain for a solid, well-edited book.