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Shalom Auslander's stories in Beware of God have the mysterious punch of a dream. They are wide ranging and inventive: A young Jewish man's inexplicable transformation into a very large, blond, tattooed goy ends with an argument over whether or not his father can beat his unclean son with a copy of the Talmud. A pious man having a near-death experience discovers that God is actually a chicken, and he's forced to reconsider his life -- and his diet. At God's insistence, Leo Schwartzman searches Home Depot for supplies for an ark. And a young boy mistakes Holocaust Remembrance Day as emergency preparedness training for the future.
Auslander draws upon his upbringing in an Orthodox Jewish community in New York State to craft stories that are filled with shame, sex, God, and death, but also manage to be wickedly funny and poignant.
155 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2005
Lucy says: "Maybe one day, in some distant utopian future, we can stop this hideous cycle of violence once and for all."In some distant utopian future, but why even try now?
Lucy pulls the ball away and Charlie Brown falls flat on his back.
"That's a beautiful sentiment," says Charlie Brown.
"I'm a beautiful person," says Lucy.
Bobo knew how they felt. Look at us, Bobo thought, shaking his head sadly. A bunch of fucking monkeys. Where is our dignity? Where is our pride? Where are our pants? ("Bobo the Self-Hating Chimp")
Mrs. Epstein slammed the washer shut and stormed out of the room.
"Delicate or permanent press?" the golem called out after her.
* * *
"Epstein clearly said to separate whites and colors," said Golem One.
"I don't disagree with that," said Golem Two. "I disagree with how you interpret the word 'colors.'" ("It Ain't Easy Bein' Supremey")