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Take Five: Four Favorite Essays Plus One Never-Been-Seen Essay
From the number-one bestselling author of Running with Scissors and Dry comes TAKE FIVE, a mini collection of true stories that give voice to the thoughts that we all have but dare not mention—stories that shine a flashlight into both dark and hilarious places. TAKE FIVE includes the following four favorite previously-published essays plus one brand-new, never-been-published essay by Augusten THRESHOLD--UNCLEAR SAILING--COMMERICAL BREAK--DEBBIE'S REQUIREMENTS--SWAN SONG (new!)
87 pages, Kindle Edition
First published July 1, 2011
98 people are currently reading
2326 people want to read
About the author
Augusten Burroughs
29 books9,273 followersAugusten Burroughs born Christopher Robison, son of poet and writer Margaret Robison and younger brother of John Elder Robison.
Burroughs has no formal education beyond elementary school. A very successful advertising copywriter for over seventeen years, he was also an alcoholic who nearly drank himself to death in 1999. But spurned by a compulsion he did not understand, Burroughs began to write a novel. Never outlining or consciously structuring the book, Burroughs wrote, "as fast as I could type, to keep up." Seven days later, Augusten Burroughs had written his first book. He had also stopped drinking. The book was published one year later. Burroughs remains sober to this day. And Sellevision stands as Burroughs's only published novel. It is currently in development as a feature film.
Augusten's second book was a memoir. It was also a publishing phenomenon that helped to ignite a kind of memoir fever in America and abroad. Running with Scissors was released in 2001 to virtually unanimous critical acclaim. The memoir would ultimately remain on the New York Times bestseller list for over four consecutive years, eight months of which were spent in the #1 position. The film, starring Annette Benning, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jill Clayburgh and Alec Baldwin was released in 2005.
He has since published four additional autobiographical volumes (Dry, Possible Side Effects, Magical Thinking and A Wolf at the Table), all of them bestsellers. Currently published in over thirty countries, Augusten's book readings have become massively popular events on numerous continents. He has also headlined for the most prestigious literary festivals in the world, most recently the 2008 Melbourne writer's Festival, where he and Germaine Greer delivered the keynote addresses on opening night. In addition, Burroughs speaks regularly at colleges and universities on topics ranging from alcoholism and sexual abuse to the art of authoring one's own life and humor as serious medicine.
Twice honored by Entertainment Weekly as one of 25 funniest people in America, Burroughs shocked fans and the media alike with the release of A Wolf at the Table in early 2008. The brutal, terrifying and decidedly unfunny book instantly generated a storm of publicity and controversy. Critics were deeply divided, and the book received some of the worst -and best- reviews of the author's career. The book tour for A Wolf at the Table, spanned some six months and four countries, as Augusten performed for the largest crowds of his career. A Wolf at the Table is Augusten's bestselling hardcover to date.
While critics continue to challenge the veracity of Burroughs's books, questioning everything from his alcoholism and advertising career to his earliest childhood memories, the author remains nonplussed, even philosophical. "To be a journalist with a major American newspaper or magazine, you have to have an A-list college education. And to get into that A-list college, you had to do very well in the right high school. So the chances are, you were not being fucked up the ass at age twelve by a pedophile. The facts of my life are generally questioned by extremely privileged and well-educated people who, more likely than not, learned most of what they know about life's dangerous, shocking and sometimes unbelievable underbelly from books, television and the occasional Quentin Tarrantino film. The reason my books continue to sell, despite frequently being dismissed as "unbelievable," is because the people who read my books recognize the truth that is in them. They know the scent. They have smelled it. The very details the media view with such suspicion are the same details that prove to my reader, this guy was there. I remember that, too."
http://us.macmillan.com/author/august...
Burroughs has no formal education beyond elementary school. A very successful advertising copywriter for over seventeen years, he was also an alcoholic who nearly drank himself to death in 1999. But spurned by a compulsion he did not understand, Burroughs began to write a novel. Never outlining or consciously structuring the book, Burroughs wrote, "as fast as I could type, to keep up." Seven days later, Augusten Burroughs had written his first book. He had also stopped drinking. The book was published one year later. Burroughs remains sober to this day. And Sellevision stands as Burroughs's only published novel. It is currently in development as a feature film.
Augusten's second book was a memoir. It was also a publishing phenomenon that helped to ignite a kind of memoir fever in America and abroad. Running with Scissors was released in 2001 to virtually unanimous critical acclaim. The memoir would ultimately remain on the New York Times bestseller list for over four consecutive years, eight months of which were spent in the #1 position. The film, starring Annette Benning, Gwyneth Paltrow, Jill Clayburgh and Alec Baldwin was released in 2005.
He has since published four additional autobiographical volumes (Dry, Possible Side Effects, Magical Thinking and A Wolf at the Table), all of them bestsellers. Currently published in over thirty countries, Augusten's book readings have become massively popular events on numerous continents. He has also headlined for the most prestigious literary festivals in the world, most recently the 2008 Melbourne writer's Festival, where he and Germaine Greer delivered the keynote addresses on opening night. In addition, Burroughs speaks regularly at colleges and universities on topics ranging from alcoholism and sexual abuse to the art of authoring one's own life and humor as serious medicine.
Twice honored by Entertainment Weekly as one of 25 funniest people in America, Burroughs shocked fans and the media alike with the release of A Wolf at the Table in early 2008. The brutal, terrifying and decidedly unfunny book instantly generated a storm of publicity and controversy. Critics were deeply divided, and the book received some of the worst -and best- reviews of the author's career. The book tour for A Wolf at the Table, spanned some six months and four countries, as Augusten performed for the largest crowds of his career. A Wolf at the Table is Augusten's bestselling hardcover to date.
While critics continue to challenge the veracity of Burroughs's books, questioning everything from his alcoholism and advertising career to his earliest childhood memories, the author remains nonplussed, even philosophical. "To be a journalist with a major American newspaper or magazine, you have to have an A-list college education. And to get into that A-list college, you had to do very well in the right high school. So the chances are, you were not being fucked up the ass at age twelve by a pedophile. The facts of my life are generally questioned by extremely privileged and well-educated people who, more likely than not, learned most of what they know about life's dangerous, shocking and sometimes unbelievable underbelly from books, television and the occasional Quentin Tarrantino film. The reason my books continue to sell, despite frequently being dismissed as "unbelievable," is because the people who read my books recognize the truth that is in them. They know the scent. They have smelled it. The very details the media view with such suspicion are the same details that prove to my reader, this guy was there. I remember that, too."
http://us.macmillan.com/author/august...
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Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews
January 2, 2021
Only one essay I hadn't read, but cheap enough on Kindle to be worth it.
February 4, 2016
This took only one Metro commute to read and only cost $1.99 on the Kindle, so I'm ONLY moderately annoyed that the "one never-been-seen essay" was like two pages long (depending on your Kindle typeface size). The other four, which I happen to have not read already, are darn funny and had me laughing out loud. He is just so snarky. I love it. Although I'm pretty sure these essays are complete fiction. I'm glad I didn't read the disclaimer on the last page first, because it would have been less funny knowing that they aren't real.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 3, 2016
The "four favorite" essays are available in his other collections. The "one never-been-seen essay" is only two or three pages long and really disappointing. I feel duped having bought this collection ...
August 24, 2012
Disappointing. The only story I hadn't read previously was 2 pages long.
January 2, 2014
Great stories to re-read on a plane ride and make everyone wonder why you're snickering. I wish Augusten had done even worse to Debbie.
Read
January 19, 2015This was a little disappointing because I had read all except for one of the essays. Still, a nice book to have.
September 9, 2019
A man for the ages.
Augusten Burroughs was Christopher Robison before he changed his name. He had such a miserable childhood in such a spectacularly dysfunctional family that he apparently decided he had to invent a new world for himself or go crazy. Or maybe he did both.
By any name, he’s hilarious in an unfiltered, unhinged way. His books are normally too expensive for me, but I got this short book of five true (or true enough) stories for a couple of dollars. Never was money better spent.
I think the stories are well chosen because they show the man at various stages of his life. We see him as a child, growing up in a disgustingly-quaint New England town. Little Augusten/Christopher jumps at the chance to be in a television commercial, which will be his express ticket to a glamorous life in Hollywood. But stardom is snatched from his sweaty little hands and awarded to a lethargic kid who couldn’t care less. Isn’t that always the way?
Then we see him as a teenager, enticed into a job as a sail cutter at a local boat-rigging company. He quickly learns that the job requires math skills, manual dexterity, and (apparently) Kennedyesque good looks. Another career path blocked forever.
Another story shows him as a junior “mad-man” at a New York city ad agency. The job is perfect for his eccentric creativity, but dealing with demanding clients is another matter. There’s no way to make people buy mints outside of a movie theater, but that won’t stop a good ad-man from trying.
Then he’s promoted to “Associate Creative Director” which (in an ad agency) means he works eighty hours a week instead of sixty. With no time for “chores” he hires a woman to clean his small apartment. It’s Debby, rejected for the lead role in “Fatal Attraction” because she’s too scary. I read this one years ago and have never forgotten it. It’s the quintessential modern horror story. And it could so easily happen to any of us.
The last (very short) story involves two blood-thirsty Central Park swans and his speculations as to the cause of their recent demise. He blames a well-known dog-walker and he may be right. A woman with designer poop bags is quite capable of offing a couple of swans, IMHO.
Wish Kindle would run his full-length books on sale. He’s a great writer.
Augusten Burroughs was Christopher Robison before he changed his name. He had such a miserable childhood in such a spectacularly dysfunctional family that he apparently decided he had to invent a new world for himself or go crazy. Or maybe he did both.
By any name, he’s hilarious in an unfiltered, unhinged way. His books are normally too expensive for me, but I got this short book of five true (or true enough) stories for a couple of dollars. Never was money better spent.
I think the stories are well chosen because they show the man at various stages of his life. We see him as a child, growing up in a disgustingly-quaint New England town. Little Augusten/Christopher jumps at the chance to be in a television commercial, which will be his express ticket to a glamorous life in Hollywood. But stardom is snatched from his sweaty little hands and awarded to a lethargic kid who couldn’t care less. Isn’t that always the way?
Then we see him as a teenager, enticed into a job as a sail cutter at a local boat-rigging company. He quickly learns that the job requires math skills, manual dexterity, and (apparently) Kennedyesque good looks. Another career path blocked forever.
Another story shows him as a junior “mad-man” at a New York city ad agency. The job is perfect for his eccentric creativity, but dealing with demanding clients is another matter. There’s no way to make people buy mints outside of a movie theater, but that won’t stop a good ad-man from trying.
Then he’s promoted to “Associate Creative Director” which (in an ad agency) means he works eighty hours a week instead of sixty. With no time for “chores” he hires a woman to clean his small apartment. It’s Debby, rejected for the lead role in “Fatal Attraction” because she’s too scary. I read this one years ago and have never forgotten it. It’s the quintessential modern horror story. And it could so easily happen to any of us.
The last (very short) story involves two blood-thirsty Central Park swans and his speculations as to the cause of their recent demise. He blames a well-known dog-walker and he may be right. A woman with designer poop bags is quite capable of offing a couple of swans, IMHO.
Wish Kindle would run his full-length books on sale. He’s a great writer.
September 12, 2024
Really!? A paragraph about a dead swan couple is the "never been seen" essay? That's a huge, pretentious stretch.
March 5, 2025
Short stories from a great writer
Love this author anyway, and it was fun to read these short essays. He writes with such an easy flow.
Love this author anyway, and it was fun to read these short essays. He writes with such an easy flow.
October 11, 2021
Augusten's books and stories are the only non fiction imI enjoy and while these tales had some humor to them they seemed to lack something. These were more like anyone telling a funny story about themselves at a party which is entertaining but I didn't find them to be as good as his full books.
March 19, 2017
Always Entertaining
If you have never listened to this author read his books, you are truly missing out on his sass when you read them to yourself. I love the way he describes scenes and his life. I will forever be a fan of his.
If you have never listened to this author read his books, you are truly missing out on his sass when you read them to yourself. I love the way he describes scenes and his life. I will forever be a fan of his.
April 30, 2021
Always a good read author
January 22, 2014
I have read everything Burroughs has put out, from Running with Scissors to his self help book to his book before running with scissors when he was a nobody (Sellovision). I am eagerly waiting for something new from him, but in the meantime, these four previously published essays and one never before seen essay will have to do. They are uniquely Burroughs, lacking the venom of Running with Scissors but with his amazing wit and love for all things in excess. Recommend if you are a Burroughs fan.
April 26, 2015
For a true fan ... meh
I've made it a point to read all of Augusten Buttoughs' books and downloaded this one hoping for something new. While it did include one of my all time favorite essays ~Debby the housekeeper I was hoping for something unseen before or unrecognizable from the context that these stories have been seen in before.... and the plus one seemed more like an afterthought....
I've made it a point to read all of Augusten Buttoughs' books and downloaded this one hoping for something new. While it did include one of my all time favorite essays ~Debby the housekeeper I was hoping for something unseen before or unrecognizable from the context that these stories have been seen in before.... and the plus one seemed more like an afterthought....
June 26, 2013
His mind seems to work in such a way as to break through the veneer of what might be expected, and give us an end- product that is both unexpected and hilarious at the same time as it touches something in side that makes us relate. This collection is a great sampling of the man's work, and leaves you wishing there was more.
I am an unabashed fan.
I am an unabashed fan.
September 15, 2016
A brief, heartfelt and lovely insight into the mind of Augusten Burroughs. The writing here, in cadence at least, reminded me somewhat of David Foster Wallace. Burroughs writes with a simplicity that allows you to follow along with his thoughts and feelings without getting lost or overwhelmed.
Funny and relatable, I'm sure I'll be picking up one of his other books pretty soon.
Funny and relatable, I'm sure I'll be picking up one of his other books pretty soon.
January 16, 2014
Had I realized these were essays previously published I wouldn't have wasted my time (or money) but the idea of one new essay could have proven worth it. That is, if it had been an actual essay. Three pages of repetitive swan drivel do not equal essay.
February 21, 2012
I love anything Augusten Burroughs writes so it was nice to read these essays again, but I was a little disappointed that the new essay was so short. I'm fiending for more Burroughs!
June 13, 2012
only one new essay, that was probably about a page long... hilarious but i was hoping for a few more new stories, not the 4 that i had read from his prior releases.
March 8, 2013
Especially liked "Debbie's Requirements."
January 6, 2014
Augusten Burroughs, you are my favorite author and thank you for writing these. I have missed your books, and my husband says "sup". You rock. Thanks for your Facebook post.
December 30, 2014
Funny at its best.
A great Sunday afternoon read. I really enjoy Augustens humor. He takes everyday life and turns it into a masterpiece.
A great Sunday afternoon read. I really enjoy Augustens humor. He takes everyday life and turns it into a masterpiece.
April 8, 2016
Too short.
July 18, 2011
Always a pleasure to visit with Augusteen!
Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews