Mijn schaduwzusje: het waargebeurde verhaal van twee families, verscheurd door overspel

by Jane Alison, Mireille Vroege (Translator)

Wanneer Jane Alison als vierjarige met haar ouders
en zusje in Australië woont, ontmoeten zij een ander
gezin dat wel een spiegelbeeld lijkt van henzelf: een
vader in diplomatieke dienst, een knappe moeder, en
ieder twee dochtertjes. Vanaf de eerste ontmoeting
zijn de gezinnen onafscheidelijk.
Maar wat begint als vriendschap, ontaardt al snel in
iets heel anders: binnen enkele maanden hebben de
volwassenen over en weer affaires met elkaar, en het
duurt niet lang of de stellen hebben van partner geruild.
Dat blijft niet zonder gevolgen. Twee scheidingen
volgen, de nieuwe partners trouwen en pakken hun
leven weer op alsof er niets aan de hand is. Twee
gezinnen zijn uit elkaar gerukt, en de vier dochters
blijven achter in shock.
Jane en een van haar stiefzusjes raken verwikkeld in
een jarenlange, verbitterde strijd om de liefde van
hun vaders. In dit emotionele boek vertelt Jane Alison
over hun rivaliteit, die eindigt in een onvoorstelbare
maar ook onontkoombare tragedie.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Australia, Book Club, Travel, Biography Memoir, Relationships

284 pages, Paperback

First published March 16, 2009

About the author

Jane Alison (born 1961) is an Australian author.

Reviews

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

Man, I really loved this. Memoir might be another one of those things that I think I really hate, but in fact don't. I might just hate the idea of it, of how rampant it's become and how much memoir embodies this idea that's so pervasive right now about how everyone's individual story is so fascinating and important just because it's true, and how any level of event or emotional pain so significant and unique and worth moaning on about, only because it happened... A lot of the reviews on here took issue with the "emotional purge" quality of this book, which I get because it's the kind of thing that would normally bother me too, but for me it really worked here, not just in spite but because of its endlessly repetitive -- and arguably narcissistic -- exploration of psychic trauma and self.

The Sisters Antipodes passes the My Dark Places memoir test, i.e., it answers with an aggressive "yes" the question "Did anything unique or remarkable happen in your life that is worth exploring in a memoir?" The book is about Alison's family which, while probably not any less happy than your average family is unhappy in a more interesting way. In 1965, when Alison was four, her parents -- an Australian couple in the foreign service -- met another couple -- Americans, also in the foreign service, with two daughters around the same age as Jane and her sister. While the details of what happened next remain a bit unclear, both couples immediately divorced and reconfigured in only slightly altered mirror images of each other, and of what they had just recently been. Jane, her older sister, and their mother moved to the United States with Jane's stepfather, Paul, while her father stayed in Australia with his new wife and her two daughters. None of the four girls saw their biological fathers for the next seven years, acclimating to their new families and countries with the knowledge that on the other side of the globe, there was a shadow family for whom they'd been unceremoniously swapped. The book is about what this experience was like for Alison, and particularly focuses on her relationship with Jenny, her counterpart step-sister down-under, and both girls' serious issues both with each other and with their complex configuration of fathers.

As the child of an infinitely more prosaic divorce myself, I found a lot of this story seriously resonated with me. The concept of the book is successful because the premise -- which is, let's face it, far too schematic and contrived and unbelievable for a novel -- really works as a literary device through which to look at common experiences using an exceptionally poetic situation. In our culture, I'd say, the experience of father absence to some degree is far more common than not (see Chodorow, 1979). While this seems to be changing, a very large percentage of women my age and older can probably relate to a lot of Alison's obsessions with her father's attention and approval. A lot of the things she gets into about jealousy and competition in reconfigured families is also very common and is well-treated here. I mention this because I think part of my prejudice against memoir is that it's solipsistic and inherently navel-gazey, and I didn't find The Sisters Antipodes to be because, like good fiction, it was about a lot more than itself.

That said, there are some things in here that I can see not everyone could get into. For one thing, it must be said that Jane Alison is a good-looking blonde who went to Princeton. This fact isn't incidental to her story: it is a crucial point, and necessarily comes up a lot. Rightly or wrongly, some of us might have a very hard time relating to the problems of a good-looking blonde who has had an interesting, and in some ways privileged life, who's endowed with certain natural advantages and talents. Despite the difficulties she's faced at times, Alison is a winner, and the book is about how she wins, not at all in a celebratory inspirational way, but in a fairly ruthless and Darwinian sense that I found both profoundly honest and fascinating. I think there's a tendency in first-person accounts to play down one's winningness, because most readers can relate best to the aw-shucks underdog schmucky type who's more like us. But The Sisters Antipodes isn't about someone like that; it's about a girl who has a lot going for her, and knows it, who is competitive in ways that are difficult and damaging not just to people in her life, but to her. And that's a story that's maybe harder to relate to for a lot of readers than that of the hapless wallflower Jane-next-door, but it's also a lot more interesting, to me anyway.

Another thing about this book is that I really liked the language. It's very lush and descriptive, which is not always my thing, but it's cut with a certain dry cynicism that I think helped tether it to the ground. The environments and eras are so well evoked -- 1960s Australia, 1970s Washington D.C., a perplexingly unnamed South American country, etc. -- that I felt I'd been in them, in particular the author's childhood house. Due to my prejudice against memoir, I haven't read much of it, so I can't really compare this example against others of the genre. However, I was struck by the lucidity of her memories, and of how they triggered my own thoughts of times in my life I haven't remembered in years.

Finally, I sat down and read this book pretty much straight through, neglecting everything else in my life until I had finished. This hasn't happened to me in awhile, and I am really grateful for the experience. The writing was so vivid and immersive that I feel as if I'd inhabited the author's world and mind during the time I was reading. I do feel bad for Alison's family -- I am surprised that all these memoirs haven't inspired more murders of telling-all authors by their pissed-off siblings and parents -- but as a reader I benefited a lot from her candor, and I'd recommend this book to people (especially women, and men interested in specifically female experiences, who are, as noted here on previous occasions, unfortunately a minority) who might get into this kind of thing.

[Gretchen Rubin]

A fascinating memoir about two families that split and recombine.

[Cindy Vine · Rating 4 out of 5]

This has got to be one of the most beautifully-written books I've read in a long time. I'm not usually one for memoirs, but the story about two couples starting out as friends and then swapping partners could be the story of my childhood as that's what happened in my family. The resultant jealousy, feelings, rivalry still occur in our family 37 years later so it is definitely something I could identify with. For me this book was more the creation of an artist than a writer, as the descriptions felt like I was in a painting, and I was pulled in. All I can say is, wow magical writing. The actual story was sad, tragic even, and I feel for the author who obviously has deep issues and hasn't managed to move on. Reading the book, I was aware of so many good things, happy parts of life, that she missed out on as she was so caught up in her own misery; she was only able to see the negative in every situation and that is the true tragedy in my book. Even though her stepsister was portrayed as the 'dark and troubled' twin, I truly believe that she experienced happiness. She lived, she loved, she had fun. The author on the other hand existed, always wanting what wasn't there or what she couldn't have, she never allowed herself to appreciate or enjoy what she did have. There is a big difference between existing and living. Jenny lived, Jane existed.

[Peacegal · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think I would have enjoyed this book more if I had not been misled by its presentation. The concept of two families who are mirror images of each other meeting and becoming jumbled in each others' lives is a fascinating one, but not the focal point of this book. It's no wonder I felt as if the text was artfully dancing around the core of the story rather than digging into it.

The author is an accomplished writer, and very good at recreating slices of life throughout her past, even if she is rather repetitive (she really likes the word antipodes and the use of cicadas as a metaphor for personal transformation). I still couldn't shake the feeling that it wasn't a book as much as a series of loosely strung-together little scenes.

[Catherine · Rating 1 out of 5]

Two couples, each with two daughters about the same age, meet in Australia. The fathers worked in Foreign Service. The couples switch partners, divorce, and the two daughters from each of the original couples end up living with their birth mothers and new stepfathers. Jane Alison is one of the daughters. Now one would think that situation would present the author with terrific fodder for a fascinating memoir. Nope!

Alison's memory is spotty at best, miring the reader down into the minutest details of overly indulgent, mundane events, and then she's not even sure that it might have actually happened that way. The prose is unmercifully repetitive. The novelistic writing style that Alison used seemed sophomoric to me and didn't work in this piece that was supposed to be a work of nonfiction. There is a twist toward the end, but I saw it coming very early on.

I barely got through this book and probably should have just given up on it. My advice would be don't waste your time on this one.

[Mary K · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I could give this book 10 stars, or 100. I sat stunned after I finished the last page. The writing is extraordinary, exquisite. The story is wrenching and beautiful. The depth with which the author tells it is astonishing.

Parents swap partners, her mother marrying the other man, her dad marrying the other woman. All former friends. The girls live with their mothers and stepdads and the author spends the entirety of the book trying to untwist the saga, eek out the “why”, and most importantly, figure out her relationship with her two fathers.

I found myself wanting to shake all four of those parents and ask them not why did they leave, but why did they spend their lives explaining themselves instead of just apologizing and acknowledging what their behavior did to their children, at least three of whom spent their lives traumatized.

The ending waylaid me.

How in the hell did this book not win every award available?

[Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful, evocative and incredibly compelling - I would devour a few pages and start to race ahead but then needed to hold my self back and let the actual words sink in. Each paragraph was so full of beautiful writing and such naked feeling it could not be rushed.

Jane Alison (Cummins, Stuart) is the second daughter of an Australian diplomat who swapped his family for another, the other family also had two daughters and an American diplomat. Jane's Father Stepmother and Step Sisters remained in Australia while Jane her Mother, Sister and new Stepfather moved to Washington DC in 1965 when she was four years old.

It is a story of loss, confusion and the damage that occurs when the fundamental need to belong is fractured in a way that is so convoluted and irreparable that it can never be put back. An honest recollection of self through memory and feeling - she freely admits that this is her story and others perspectives and memories may be different. A reality when more than one sibling describes an event, such is life. I was recently discussing this with my sister and a cousin. We can all recollect an event but its consequences and outcome have totally different meaning to each of us - so fascinating!

Her writing pierced right through me, there were times when she described things in a way I totally got, had in fact had the same thoughts. An example of this "walking, you can forget your body, your head glides easy and fast, all you are is eyes, small pods lapping up what you see......(pg 169)". I myself am an antiopdean but have been to many of the places she describes and I can't help wondering if this is part of the books hold on me. I have stood on DuPont circle where her Stepfather had an apartment, I have ridden bikes around Shelter island where she went with her Father Sister and Step family for a holiday. I have caught the Amtrack between Washington DC and New York, my niece goes to Vassar the university Maggy her sister went to. Of course Sydney and South Australia are familiar to me as it is a jump across the ditch (three hr flight) and come from the country where the man who didn't like chairs aided and abetted the sad decline in her twin Stepsister. The fashions described and way of raging about town were precisely what we did in those heady days of the 80's.

I would love to sit in a cafe and share coffee with Jane or perhaps a glass or two of wine, we have shared memories of a time in the world when such choices were made by those we trusted and that these choices created what we are as adults. Jane has captured the essence of a thought I have been examining for some time. It is this; it is never all good nor is it all bad, we struggle with this tension and feel it should be somehow another way than what it is.

I am aware that this may not be every bodies cup of tea, but for me it was a perfect moment in time to know that I am not the only one who thinks like this. Bravo Jane Alison xxx

[Laren · Rating 2 out of 5]

An Australian family in the foreign service meets an American family, also in the foreign service, and with 2 similarly-aged daughters to match their own. The couples hit it off - so much so that they end up divorcing and swapping partners with each other. This is the true story of the author's childhood growing up with the repercussions of that situation. Communication at that time was expensive and not technologically advanced (ex: no email), so the geographical separation of the families due to their work made it feel as though they had simply swapped one father for another, but retained a "mirror family" who would remain a removed part of their lives forever.

How exactly this all came about is left fairly vague. It turns out that the author was about 4 when this happened, so she doesn't remember the before, nor does it seems she has really sought ought this information from any of the adults after the fact. Actually I didn't really get a sense of who any of these other people were, since they only exist in the book as vague sketches from the author's own perceptions. This does protect their privacy well, but I felt a tad cheated, as though a rather important part of the story was missing.

The author does a good job of revealing just how messed up this whole situation was/continued to be throughout the book. I have a lot of respect for her dealing with it all and surviving, especially given the event closing the book. But at times, I personally found this book to be tedious because I prefer a memoir to have more facts and feelings, and not so many metaphors and overt symbolism to tell the story instead. The literature fan in me appreciated that writing, but the memoir fan in me was left a little confused by such inclusion in a non-fiction book.

[Brenan · Rating 2 out of 5]

I can't decide if I liked this story or not. In short, it's a story about a girl growing up whose parents got divorced and married another couple who also had daughters (so, each couple started with two girls, got divorced, the couples changed partners, the girls all grew up with new dads--very confusing, I know), and all of the heartache that followed. It is very intriguing, in a "can't stop looking at the car crash" kind of way, but it is hard to enjoy a book when every single character is completely unlikeable, particularly the narrator/author.
Yes, your parents got divorced. Yes, your dad has new stepdaughters. Yes, life can be hard and difficult and sometimes people you love (and want to love) suck as people. But what really bothered me about this book was the fact that the author had sympathy for no one in the book--she clearly felt very sorry for herself, but every other character is portrayed without sympathy or any attempt to try to understand their point of view. It got old, and it made me want to shake the author and tell her to grow up.

[Rhonda · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a biography of Jane Alison...when she was 4 years old, her family met another family...each family had two little girls, and she was one of the younger ones, who shared the birthday as the other little girl, but who was one year older. The families spent lots of time together, and Jane and the other youngest girl, Jenny, often were bathed together, thus the title of the book...antipodes means two bodies pressed together...foot to foot, exactly how they bathed.

The two couples divorced, married the other's spouse, and moved away, the girls going to live with their mothers and new stepfathers. Both younger girls never felt the love of their own fathers, and were forever jealous of each other and were in competition from then on.

It was interesting how it affected the two younger girls and not so much the two older girls. I mean it affected every part of their lives, their relationships, careers well into adulthood. Jane tries to piece together what really happened in the beginning to cause the parents to swap partners, and the $10 million question...which parent left first, deciding that their daughters were worth losing. She struggles to this day over this.


Quotes:
"The same question, the impossible question: What makes one woman, one packet of flesh and the being inside it, so drenched in value as to make a man leave a woman he loved, leave even his own daughters? I don't understand what love is, how its object is contained in a single skin, how that object exerts irresistible pull. Or: I understand it when I feel the closest thing to love I feel. It's this: That other person has become home, and to be apart from him is to be in exile, helplessly gravitating toward wherever he is, having no center of your own.
And another question, one I keep asking myself, and as I grow older the problem only grows worse: Why is jealousy obliterating? Why is the vision of another woman taking your place ruinous? You don't die. You're still there. Your forearms are there with the light hair on them, your stomach sucked in at the jeans, your bruised knees. You haven't been obliterated. Yet it feels as if you have. You've just made the mistake, again, of granting your existence to someone else's eyes."

"Lucretius, like Epicurus, said: Elilinate your wants, and you will eliminate the pain of not getting. Epicureanism is not about pleasure but about avoiding pain. Want nothing, and you will not suffer; plug up the leaky jar. But you cannot plug up the jar and still live. You have no choice but to be porous and leak, to want and love, and need to be wanted and loved, and I have to keep learning this again and again, and it is painful every time."

[Allison Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Jane Alison is quickly becoming one of my favourite writers.
I fell in love with her lyrical prose in The Love-Artist: A Novel and was hungry to read more, ordering both The Sisters Antipodes and The Marriage of the Sea: A Novel (yet to arrive).
Within the first few pages I was once again instantly pulled in by her prose but this, being personal, was significantly different. Where The Love-Artist was fantastical, painting a lush portrait of a lost world, The Sisters Antipodes is raw, real, and rough at the edges. It is poignant and full of a pain, longing, and loss I began to feel almost physically - perhaps because I found many aspects of the story relatable, her words pulling out memories and describing things I keep tight within my own ribcage.
Another strong recommendation from me.
Very much looking forward to my next foray into Alison's world, be it fictional or real.

[Bethany · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book is well-written. However, I finished it with a mixture of relief that it was over, sadness that these things would never be over for the author, and a strange disconnectedness from the events Alison discusses. I have a hard time reading works in which there is nothing uplifting amidst tragedy (and I have a fairly wide definition of "uplifting"), it is true. But I found myself, as awful as this sounds, not really caring what happened to Alison. There are so many utterly devastating true stories, and so many people have overcome them even in small ways; I guess I just didn't care for the fact that it seemed Alison was unwilling to do that. I'm not saying that she needs to get over what happened, or anything of the sort: it was simply difficult for me to see how the telling of Alison's story helped her, and therefore, how it could help others beyond the act of identification.

[Diana Stevan · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very interesting book: an exploration of the damage done to children in families where the couples change partners. I was a family therapist for twenty-five years so I found this aspect of the memoir particularly compelling. Because of the pain expressed by the protagonist and her step-sister, it was not an easy read.

[Laura Hogensen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm a huge Jane Alison fan after reading "Nine Island" - her nonfiction novel. The way she writes may not be for everyone. She's a solitary writer who enjoys playing word and association games with her readers - particularly around themes of force/submission, female/male, transformation/sublimation/projection/suppression in classical myths. While she's not a cynical writer, she's also not particularly sunny. It's clear that she feels much, but her style is self contained, unsparing, and unsentimental. She's also incredibly intelligent, but doesn't strive to impress the reader. Rather, her smarts are just there, page upon page. Alison is not trying to be your mom/sister/aunt/friend. If that's off-putting or intimidating for her readers, then she would rather you close the covers and move on. All of which is a prelude to explain how very much I feel we need writers like her and memoirs like this. TSA "tells" an interesting story: 2 families that are split and then reformatted and the repercussions that reverberate for decades afterward - especially for the author and her step sister. So, by all means, come for the memoir, but stay long after for Alison's writing and thoughts. She combines autobiographical writing with cultural criticism with literary criticism and the result is a truly special book. Like "H is for Hawk," TSA is more than a memoir. It's a deep and lingering written work.

[Amanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a sad but beautifully written memoir about the life of the author. Jane Alison experienced a very strange breach of family at the age of four: her parents met another family that were the mirror images of themselves, both couples divorced and married a member of the other pair. As each family had two daughters of the same age, Jane grew up with a strong sense of competition for the affection of her father, who now lived with two other little girls, and her new stepfather, who still had a strong sense of loyalty to his "real" daughters.
This would be an interesting book even with only mediocre writing, because Alison has such a unique story to share. But her insights on life and love and the way her family affected her views make it an exceptional read. She gives up on assigning blame for the split, and instead tries to figure out what love is, exactly, and why we allow others to assign us our worth.
This is a really well-written, touching and emotional story.

[Liz · Rating 1 out of 5]

jane tells of her life living apart from her father and winning his love and her new stepfathers love. When living in Australia, two families switch wives and kids. Each family has two girls, and eventually each new family will have a son.
Jane constantly competes against her stepsister for each father and stepfathers love. Jennie has the same bday just a year older, and both are very similar in so many ways. Jane tells her story as she fights thru jealousy, love, anger, fear, and acceptance.

Overall I did not think this was a great book. Would probably not recommend this to anyone unless they have gone thru a very similar situation.

[Angelle · Rating 2 out of 5]

pretty boring. i know it's a book and all, but it seems like all the author does is TALK. and it's all about how she's jealous of her father's new family and how they must have a perfect life and she got the sh*t end of the exchange (of fathers). i use the present tense because it's apparent that she STILL feels that way and hasn't gotten over much. i'm pretty much just waiting for it to be over.

Ok so it's over. mild surprise at the end but other than that her life's a mess.

[Rachielle Sheffler · Rating 4 out of 5]

Painful and poignant memoir. Written with honesty. Soul searching without psychobabble. Every little girl needs her daddy, and when this basic need is not fulfilled, the ramifications into adulthood may prove tragic.

[Colleen Green · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sisters Antipodes is the story of two diplomatic families of two daughters (one Australian, the other American) whose parents swap partners in the mid 1960s and the resulting fall out of that decision for the narrator and her half sister, Jenny, of the same age. I was hooked on page 3 when Jenny asks the pointed question: “so, who do you think did it first?” Because that was the point… someone had to leave their partner first and someone else had to be left behind.

The rest of the memoir is about that sense of being left behind. Because it was the 60s and 70s, there were no regular trips to see dad on the other side of the world. There were no weekly phone calls because all this was too expensive and there certainly wasn’t therapy to process what had happened. It just was. Allison does a great job of conveying the jealousy, the fraught and competitive relationships between her and Jenny, her oft pleasing engagement with her father and step father, and her constant need to be loved and adored (and in turn how this played out in the relationships she had with men later in life.) It did a great job of conveying some of the sensibilities of parenting at that time which was more hands off, less emotionally connected. The book also contains great vignettes and scenes of DC and Chevy Chase, Rehoboth, Canberra, Italy and Germany in the 70s, 80s and 90s.

Things I didn’t like? I didn’t like Allison’s literary illusions infused through out the chapters. It felt contrived. Her descriptions of attending majority black DC middle and high schools oozed with “othering” language and privilege and were pretty off-putting. I also found it curious that there was little reference to her older sister. It seemed a curious omission from the story… perhaps a relationship she needed to protect where the others were often for introspection or trashing… not sure. Finally, less of a dislike but a wonder, she refers to a tour by her step father to “South America” without naming the country. I assume this is because he was involved in the government’s downfall… but it was strange given the specificity of the rest of the book.

Where I started the memoir hooked on the premise and super interested to explore the complexities of father- daughter relationships, by the end I was a bit bored and more than ready to put it down and move on.

[Stephanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Library Biography #63

When I picked this book from the library shelves, I was excited to read it. The family situation highlighted on the book flap made it seem intriguing.

Alison's memoir, "The Sisters Antipodes," circled around her peculiar family - her parents met another couple with so many similarities and ended up swapping partners. She would lose her father (in a sense), not seeing him for 7 years, only knowing him through pictures and letters. The same would hold true for her step-sister, Jenny. Throughout the book, Alison confronts her feelings of growing up with out her father and her jealously of the girls who did. As an adolescent, she becomes reacquainted with her long lost family. Her step-sister starts to become a more integral part of her life. With that, Alison faces new challenges with the family dynamic... I can't help but feel that perhaps she has never been totally understood by her father and her step-mother. For reasons unknown to the reader, her older step-sister does not like her. Alison does not explain why this might be, but it definitely left me wondering.

I rated this 3 stars because, while the subject matter was interesting, sometimes the writing was a bit too over the top for me. Alison tends to get very abstract at times with her writing, which could make the book dense at times. Alison mentions that the book will not be well received by her family, but perhaps they can finally listen to what she has to say. It seemed the parents didn't really give a thought to how their situation impacted their girls mentally and emotionally.

[Memoree · Rating 2 out of 5]

The premise of this book is extremely interesting. Two couples with many similarities (similarly aged children, all girls, similar birthdays, two who share the same birthday, an astrologist's dream really) hit it off so well they switch partners, and the kids end up living with their mothers and new stepfathers. As can be easily imagined, a lot of turmoil was created because of this in the lives of the kids. It was sometimes hard to get through this book however, even with the interesting premise. Alison's recollections are foggy at best. There is much she doesn't remember, and she made a deliberate choice to only write about what she does remember so there's a lot that seems incomplete. She often writes about how what she's writing may not be accurate at all. She chooses to not get any sort of confirmation from her parents or stepparents about anything, keeping them from having to dredge up their past decisions. It may have been a kindness from her to handle it this way (or maybe just fear on her part) but it makes for a sometimes frustrating read. I wanted there to be some input from others involved. I know this is a memoir but most memoirs have a sense of growing or accepting but the unwillingness to try and involve any other family members left this one feeling stagnant.

[Geeta Ramani · Rating 4 out of 5]

Prompt: Cover with women facing away.

Jane Alison writes this memoir as she remembers, going back and forth and as I read the story of her life, I got the feeling that Alison was still hurting, and that she was still very far away from healing. The hurt she carries is deep and devastating, and this is how impulsive decisions of parents can affect children in ways they could never fathom.

The parents appeared to be in a hurry to swap partners, without giving their families any cooling time, no separation and no preparation either, for the new relationship.

Still, Alison is 'never able to find herself' in this book, which is more about the fathers, than the mothers, who seem to take a back seat. Perhaps she wanted it this way, for there isn't any mention of how the other pair of sisters and brothers fared. Except that, between the Sisters Antipodes, life had dealt her a better hand!

[Elizabeth Schlatter · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jeez, what a depressing but lovely read. Honestly, this book caught my attention because I loved the cover design so much — those colors, fonts, and symmetry hooked me in. But the story, in which the author recounts the damage wrought by her parents’ divorce and subsequent marriages (which I’m oversimplifying here) is painful and plays out for years. But I really appreciated how the author incorporates how unreliable memory is, as well as personal viewpoints, and how it’s impossible to truly tell an accurate account of the past, especially a past that is so fraught with pain. As I kept reading I was wondering how things would “end” so to speak. And I think the point of the book is summed up at the very end when she wrote, “Making a self can be like writing, and now I think writing can be like a home; a space you make that you dwell in and roam through for hours every day, a space that’s absolutely yours.” (276).

[Jens · Rating 4 out of 5]

Still reading and might update later. So far, it is really fascinating. The language, the places, the observations.

What made me write a review at this point was a question in the text, one that I have long answered for myself: "How do you make your self home? Are people your home?" Yes. I think the feeling of home, belonging and being anchored is more about people and relationships than place.

To quote a passage from a book by the marvelous Robin Hobb: “Home is people. Not a place. If you go back there after the people are gone, then all you can see is what is not there any more.”

Anyway, enjoying this read so far.

edit: also, so many things in this book drag up emotions and memories that were almost forgotten. Not in the literal sense of a shared or identical experience, more like being able to retrace the faint reverberations of a note back to the plucking of the string. If that makes sense...

[Amanda Lichtenstein · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a haunting & gripping memoir about the unintended trail of destruction left by the decisions of two couples who decided to swap partners, leaving their daughters reeling for attention. The book takes on "sibling rivalry" to new heights, revealing all the hidden, internal horrors siblings grapple with when there's not enough parenting to go around. One caveat, the way that race is addressed here is a little wonky and I wondered if this was something that was overlooked because it wasn't the central theme of the book, or if it was somehow acceptable at the time to write about race relations without much critique. I'm still giving this a five-star rating b/c as a memoir, it was a deep-dive excavation of a family gone rogue and this was my main interest in picking it up.

[Clover · Rating 5 out of 5]

Raw intense compelling - an opportunity to realise you can almost forgive anything if you care enough about the person who hurt you. You have no idea until you have walked in their shoes and lived their life.
“ The same question, the impossible question: What makes one woman, one packet of flesh and the being inside it, so drenched in value as to make a man leave a woman he loved, leave even his own daughters?
And I also don’t know if it’s honest to imagine that I can distance myself from this story: not still wonder why, for their story to hold, others must be pushed under.“

[Dotty · Rating 3 out of 5]

It’s a memoir that is almost too bizarre to imagine. 2 families, both young, both with 2 daughters almost the same ages, both in the Foreign Service. One family is Australian, the other American. They meet, become friends - and switch partners. The children stay with their mothers and the new ‘fathers’. Not surprisingly, this doesn’t work out well... It’s a well written memoir and compelling, but as disturbing as you’d imagine. The author never truly finds out how it all came to be - or why.

[Hessah · Rating 1 out of 5]

A painful read; it seemed that was reading scattered papers of a teenage diary whose life events are a result of the evil step sister. There are so many flashbacks that weren’t important to the narrative and the repetitive nature of some statements were disservice. This book needed an editor who probably would have told the author to abandon the producer of writing a 200 + pages memoir and focus instead on a 1500 words essay.

[Jane Hammons · Rating 3 out of 5]

Parts of this book are wonderful, and I very much like the reflective, non-linear structure. It's somewhat repetitive in a way that does not create resonance (which I think is what Alison is attempting). In some ways, it felt like a book that might have been better as a long essay--or a shorter book.

[Kirstin O'Connor · Rating 1 out of 5]

I kept struggling through with this one and I am not sure why i really liked the descriptive style at times and then it would feel totally disjointed and all over the place. Didn’t connect with the characters at all and found it hard to follow.