قصة جان

by Barry Petersen

قصة الحب الضائع في رحلة وداع الألزهايمر الطويلة.
"يقدم لنا هذا الكتاب بين سطوره ذكريات صادقة وحميمة وشجاعة عبّر فيها بطلنا عن الخسارة المدمرة التي حلت به والحب الصامد الذي يكنه لزوجته العزيزة، وكيف عثر أخيراً على القوة والشجاعة لمواصلة حياته يوماً بعد يوم" - ليزا جينوفا

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Medical, Biography, Biography Memoir, Romance

272 pages, Paperback

First published June 15, 2010

About the author

Barry Petersen is a CBS News Correspondent. He has reported on wars, natural disasters, Paris fashions, the fading popularity of Welsh choirs, and the return of American jazz to Shanghai, China. He has worked for CBS News for more than three decades.

After attending high school in Sidney, Montana, he studied at the Medill School of Journalism.

Petersen wrote about his wife's diagnosis with early onset of Alzheimer's disease in 2005, in a work entitled "Jan's Story", which was published in June 2010. Jan was also a CBS News journalist, reporting from both Japan and the former Soviet Union for CBS News Radio, CBS News Sunday Morning, and the CBS Weekend News.

Reviews

[Sawsan · Rating 4 out of 5]

مؤلم أن نفقد من نحب وهم ما زالوا معنا
قصة زوج يعاني وهو يرى زوجته تختفي بالتدريج من حياته
باري بيترسون - مراسل صحفي- يحكي عن زوجته جان وإصابتها بمرض آلزهايمر, مرض يسلب ببطء كل ما يمتلك المريض من شخصية ومعرفة وذكريات ومهارات, لا يعاني منه المريض فقط ولكن تأثيره بيكون أكبر على عائلته والمحيطين به
يحكي "باري" عن ذكرياته وحياته مع زوجته, حبهم, أسفارهم, البهجة والسعادة التي أدخلتها "جان" في حياته, بدء ظهور أعراض المرض وتغيير الشخصية والحالة العقلية إلى الدخول في عالم النسيان
ويحكي أكتر عن نفسه, احساسه وإنكاره لمرض زوجته في البداية وأمله في شفائها, مراحل تقبله للمرض ومحاولاته للجمع بين عمله ورعايتها, مدى صعوبة التعامل مع أعراض المرض والرعاية والمراقبة الدائمة
الحزن والألم لمشاهدتها تدخل عالمها الخاص وتركه وحيدا مع ذكرياته, ويأتي القرار الصعب بدخولها مصحة للرعاية وبعدها محاولته لاستعادة نفسه وحياته من جديد

[Lawrence Danks · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is the story of CBS News reporter Barry Petersen's wife Jan and their marriage and how it was impacted by her early affliction with Alzheimer's Disease. I learned about the book when the CNN Morning Show's anchor John Roberts interviewed Mr. Petersen. It was a poignant interview since Mr. Roberts' has had recent experience with Alzheimer's in his own family and that the men knew each other well from their work together on CBS.

The sub title, "Love lost to the long good-bye of Alzheimer's" sadly sums it up perfectly. For anyone affected by Alzheimer's through family and friends, and for those just seeking more insight, it's an excellent view of the disease's devastating effect on its victim,a loving spouse, family, and friends and its relentless progression.

Mr. Petersen shares many of the dilemmas he faced in making decisions for his wife's care and also some very personal insights, one's I believe his wife would have wanted him to share to help others. I say this because his portrait of her and that of those who knew her, paint her as a very fine, caring and open woman. She also was a vibrant and happy woman and a dedicated and loving wife. The author noted on a number of occasions that his wife's obvious physical beauty remained unaltered, but that she gradually ceased be to the same Jan.

Mr. Peterson also provides insight into how good faith decisions made about his wife and her care got negative reactions from others, despite the fact that he sent regular communications describing his wife's mental changes and the necessitated changes in her care.

He also had to deal later with the wrenching decision of whether to begin a new relationship of his own after his wife was mentally lost to him. While the reviews of the book have been good, some have been unkind, not to the book per se which the reviews should have been focused on, but to Mr. Peterson and his new partner for moving forward in their lives. Naturally, this is a difficult decision to face,on a personal and moral level. It's clearly something people of goodwill could obviously disagree on, but the criticisms Mr. Petersen received in some of the reviews went far beyond expressing displeasure and disagreement, and involved name-calling and venomous comments.

"Jan's Story" is a very touching and highly instructive story that I highly recommend that contributes to the understanding of this dreaded disease.

[شيماء الوطني · Rating 3 out of 5]

Is it a story about Jan ?
No, it's Barry story !!
That what I found..

[رومولا الن emmajain-book · Rating 3 out of 5]

بهذا الكتاب يحكي لنا الصحفي الأمريكي باري معاناته مع مرض زوجته جان

يتم تشخيص جان بالبداية المبكرة لمرض آلزهايمر

من هنا يبدأ باري يحكي لنا مراحل المرض

وما يشعر به مانحو الرعاية وهم يشاهدون أحبابهم يتغيرون أمامهم

رغم أن الجسد سليم لكن للأسف تختفي الذكريات والأفكار

ما فائدة جسد سليم دون عقل سليم

الكتاب مؤثر جدا

لكنني توقعت أن أرى جان أكثر بسبب اسم الكتاب

لكن الكتاب أغلبه يحكي عن باري

كان الأفضل أن يختلف العنوان

بالعموم الكتاب جميل وبه الكثير من المعلومات عن المرض

أنصح به

[Diane · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a hard book to read - especially since my biological mother died from Alzheimers. It touched a chord in me. There were times when I felt angry while reading this book. I felt the book was too much about Barry and not enough about Jan. But when I got to the end of the book and he wrapped up the story, I could better understand where he was coming from. The ending of the book is not the normal ending one would expect from this story. In fact, it was a bit shocking. But I feel empathy for all concerned. Live and let live. Sometimes love is bigger than we realize.

[Nour El-Shehry · Rating 4 out of 5]

قصة جان هي قصة المرض الذي يسرق الشخص من حياته وحياة من يحب وهو على قيد الحياة. الوداع صعب ولكن الأصعب أن ترى من تحب يذهب إلى عالم آخر. ينتقل مريض الأزهايمر من دور الحكيم الراعي إلى دور الضعيف الذي يحتاج رعاية طفل وهو يعيش في جسد كهل، حتى أن المرض يحول نظرة المريض من نظرة وقار إلى نظرة خالية من أي معنى.
أثارني كثيراً تساؤل باري ووالدة جان. لمذا علينا أن نحافظ على حياة مريض الأزهايمر؟ أليس من الأفضل أن نترك هذه الروح ترحل عن هذا الجسد؟ بالتأكيد من الصعب جداً أن نترك من نحب يرحل حتى لو كان مجرد جسد، لكن ماذا لو سألناه ماذا يفضل! أعتقد أن مريض الزهايمر لو كان له الخيار في حالته لاختار الموت.

[Muneerah · Rating 3 out of 5]

الكتاب في مجمله مفيد وذو رساله عميقه لكن كنت اتوقع منه تفاصيل اكثر عن علاقته بجان ومعاناته من فقدها وليس معاناته مع رعايتها،،
رغم ذلك استطيع اعتبار الكتاب كدليل ارشاد لمانحي الرعايه حول العالم ،،

[Nancy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was more about what the writer was going through, rather than what his wife was. At times I questioned his decisions (hauling her back and forth from Tokyo to Beijing?!) as her disease progressed.

It is definately written from a man's perspective, which is to say it was all about HIS loss, HIS Jan, HIS ordeal, what was to become of HIM. But as he's written, I am not one to judge because I have not been through it myself.

Worth the read, tho. I wish I could have given it 3.5 stars. 3 isn't snough and 4 is a little too many. It's a quick read....I finished it in 2 days (and still got my laundry done as well!)

[ام علي · Rating 3 out of 5]

سيرة واقعية لحياة انسانة رائعة اسمها جان (اعجبت شخصيا بها كامرأة وعاملة وانسانة منظمة ومفعمة بالحيوية) حتى يأتي ذلك اليوم الاسود الذي تبدأ هذه المرأة في فقد توازنها وثقتها وذاكرتها لتغيب في دهاليز الزهايمر... حكاية حزينة بتفاصيل مشوقة خاصة الجزء الاول من الكتاب .. يرويها لنا زوجها باري الذي يكاد يفقد رغبته ف الحياة!!
!كنت قد قرات سابقا كتاب غازي القصيبي واضاف هذا الكتاب تفاصيل جديدة عن هذا المرض

[Saber Jan · Rating 4 out of 5]

ما معنى أن يكون أكثر شخص تحبه في الحياة مصاب بالازهايمر ؟ ما معنى الحياة إذا كان أحب الأشخاص إلى قلبك لا يعرف من تكون بالنسبة له؟ كيف تعيش حياتك اليومية وأنت تقدم الرعاية لشخص مصاب الازهايمر ؟
,الازهايمر ليس مرض اليوم والليلة إنما مرض يظهر خلال سنوات من المعاناة والآالآم تستحق من يكتب عنها حتى يعلم كل إنسان أن العقل نعمة قد يفقدها في يوم من الأيام
كتاب رائع وأنصح الجميع بقراءته

[Zainab Alrifai · Rating 3 out of 5]

يتحدث باري بيترسن مراسل شبكة أخبار سي بي اس في هذا الكتاب عن قصة اصابة زوجته جان بمرض الألزهايمر والمراحل البطيئة والسيئة جدا للمرض، وعن معاناته كمانح رعاية لشخص مريض، وبكثير من التبريرات لتخليه عنها في نهاية المطاف،
هذا المرض يلتهم الدماغ ببطء وباستمرار ليفقد الشخص المريض كل ما اكتسبه منذ ولادته بداية بالعقل والذكريات والقدره على الكلام والأحلام والخيال،
الألزهايمر المرض الأسوأ على الاطلاق..

[Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

Worth reading to learn more about Alzheimer’s and the challenges of caregiving.

[Alsanea · Rating 3 out of 5]

" من عزيز الى عزيزته ... وداعاً " هكذا انهى باري بيترسن الفصل الأخير من حياته الزوجية مع شريكته جان المصابه بمرض الزهايمر ليعيش حياته من جديد بـَعد ان انهكته الذكريات والعناية بزوجته التي لم تعد تذكر من هو أصلاً .
منهكة جداً هذه الرواية ، اثارت الشجن كثيراً في نفسي فما أصعب ان تعيش منتظراً موت من كان جزءاً مهماً في حياتك ويشاركك اغلب ذكرياتك الجميلة.
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22-3-2018

[Eman Hamdy · Rating 1 out of 5]

تصيب بالملل قصة متكررة وليس بها اى جديد حتى الاسلوب ليس جيد ولا انصح بها

[حنينْ · Rating 5 out of 5]

كنت مترددة في شرائه لأنه مترجم وأحسست بإن لغته بسيطة وفد أتمكن من قرائته باللغة الاصلية , لكن بالنهاية اقتنيته والحمدلله
الكتاب مؤلم يدخل القلب مباشرة لغته سهلة ولم تفسدها الترجمة , قد لا يصل لدرجة الاكتئاب لكنه يترك شيء في نفسك .. اذا كنت تعرف أحداً عزيزاً مصاب بالمرض التأثر والرعب يتضاعف خصوصاً لو كان حياً اطال الله في عمره و"صحته" .. جدتي مصابة بهذا المرض "عافانا الله وإياكم" وشفاها الله بقدرته
وصف الكاتب ممتاز لحالات تطوره
نظرة العين "الخاوية" المفتوحة فارغة بالذات محزنة , بعد أن كانو أناس اصحاء ذوو علاقات وروحهم من اصبى ماقد تجد , فجأة يأتي هذا اللعين ويحرمهم من كل شيء حرفياً , الزهايمر سجن مؤبد الشخص موجود لكنه غير موجود ! , لا تتمنى فراقه لكنك تشعر ان الموت ارحم له من عذابه الطويل الذي لا تُعرف نهايته , جدتي "كانت" كائناً لا يقوى على الجلوس هنيهة كما الشباب لا تعود للمنزل إلا بحلول المساء .. تذهب لزيارة هذه وشرب الشاي عند جارتها المشي للمخبز للخياط هنا وهناك تقضي كل حاجياتها بنفسها , تصور بين يوم وليلة يكتب عليها أن تصير حبيسة سرير ! وغرفة ضيقة هوائها مختنق لا يحوي شيئا من رحب الهواء الخارجي
جان كانت موظفة , تهوى السفر علاقاتها الاجتماعية ممتازة وشخصيتها رائعة , ولم تصل لأعتى العمر بعد .. برغم كل ذلك اختارها المرض غير آبه بخططها أو علاقاتها وحتى زوجها .. هذا الخبيث لا يستثني أحداً
طوال قرائتي كنت ادعو الله أن لا اصبح في هذا الموقف المزري او اي احد آخر ان شاء الله .. حتى وصلت للسطر الذي باري قال فيه "ان سأل احدهم الناس عن رغباتهم , ستأتي الإجابات متشابهة بشكل مدهش : إن اصبحت حياتي معتمدة على الأنابيب والآلات ولم أعد حتى مدركاً لما حولي , فلا تبقوني على قيد الحياة" ,
لو استطعت لاخترت الموت , على الاقل سأفقد فعلاً لا عقلاً وجسدي غائب حاضر جان بنفسها قالت لا اريد ان يعتني بي أحد , بالتأكيد لا يوجد انسان يتمنى
هذا العدو المفترس , لكن لا احد يستطيع منعه في الوقت ذاته
المحزن ان معدلات المرض تزداد مرعبة فعلاً هذه الامراض تتفاقم بشكل مخيف سببها مجهول ولا علاج لها , برغم تقدم الطب الموجود حالياً كل مايستطيعون فعله هو إطالة عمر المريض بشكل مؤقت وبدون اي تحسن إنما رتم احتضار بطيء ينخر احبائهم لآخر حد , انصح بقرائته لمن يريد كتاب انساني هادئ يذكره بنعم الله
وتفاهة مشاكلنا اليومية ايضاً هو جداً مفيد للذين يعانون من هجوم المرض على اشخاص قريبين منهم

[جنى · Rating 5 out of 5]

قصة جان. ورحلة وداع الألزهايمر الطويلة .
هي قصة زوجة مراسل أمريكي تصاب بمرض الألزهايمر في سن مبكر فيبدأ عقلها بالتخلي عنها ببطىء حتى تغدو جسد يهيم في الغياب بﻻ حول وﻻ قوة ..

يكتب زوجها - باري - عن الحب الذي جمعهما .. وبعض الذكريات عن الأماكن التي كان مراسل فيها بعيدا عن زوجته ..
محاولاته في محاربة المرض وانكاره لكل مايحدث لها. ثم عن فقدانها بالتدريج حتى النهاية ..

غالبا ﻻ افضل الكتب المترجمة لأنها تفتقد المشاعر حين تترجم ..
لكن في هذا الكتاب، أغدق بالمشاعر والعبارات الأدبية !
انه من تلك الكتب التي حين تنهيها تعانق الكتاب لثواني ..

أنصح بشدة قراءته. إن لم يمنحك ماكنت تتوقع
فبالتأكيد سيمنحك معلومات كثيرة جدا عن الألزهايمر..
دائما أحب الكتب التي تمنحني أكثر من القراءة .

اقتباسات:

" لقد كانت حياتنا منطقية. والآن باغتها المرض، وسلبها كل هذا. "

" هذا هو ما يفعله الإنكار... إنه يسلبنا اللحظات التي كان من الممكن أن نحظى بها. "

" لم يستطع أحد أن يتخيل مدى الدمار الذي قد تلحقه الحرب العالمية الثانية بالعالم. فقد استحالت مدن جميلة ونابضة بالحياة إلى حطام. "

" إذ إنه يسلبنا كل ما نملكه منذ الوﻻدة، كالعقل والذكريات والقدرة على الكﻻم والحلم والتخيل. إنني حتى الآن ﻻ أزال عاجزاً عن استيعاب ماهيته وسأبقى كذلك ما لم يصبني أنا. "

" ألن يخترع شخص ما لقاحا أو حقنة تعيدها إلى طبيعتها؟ يجب أن يحدث هذا قريبا لأنني ﻻ أستطيع أن أتقبل حقيقة المصير الذي سنواجهه. "

" حاول أن يبعد سحابة من الضباب الكثيف بالتلويح بيديه المجردتين. "

" يجب أن تمضي قدماً في حياتك... لأنه ببساطة ليس هناك مكان آخر تذهب إليه. "

" ولكن الوعي لدى مريض الألزهايمر يموت داخل الدماغ بينما يعيش جسده لفترة غير معروفة من السنين. "

" قد يتشبث المرء بالماضي لدرجة تجعل يديه مليئتين حتى ﻻ يعود قادراً أن يعانق الحاضر. "

" فإن كانت الحياة هشة فعلاً، يجب على المرء أن يبذل ما بوسعه ليستمتع بما يحظى به في تلك اللحظة وذلك الوقت. "

" الوفاء جميل والحياة أيضاً
ﻻ تفاضل بينهما بل اسع إلى جمعهما معا. "

[Drew Danko · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book I would not voluntarily read, but a family member asked me to and I'm glad he did. If you want to learn what it would really be like to lose the love of your life while being totally powerless to defend him or her read this book. If you want to learn more about Alzheimer's destructive, unrelenting march through someone's life, whether the victim or the caregiver read this book. If you want to learn what it really requires to be a long term caregiver read this book. And if you know a family who must confront this personality robbing illness, by all means read this book as it will certainly help you understand what they are going through.

My heart went out to Barry Petersen,and I am so glad he found peace and love again as his Jan would have wanted. The book is an emotional ride as I found it hard to read more than a few pages at a time. I wanted to escape from the author's reality because it was not only too painful for him, but it meant I was reading what my relatives are and will be experiencing.

Lastly, if nothing else you should learn from this story to not ever judge others' choices as they navigate this horrible,tragic illness.

[Jill Kalz · Rating 3 out of 5]

The voice felt honest and true, and I applaud the author for his courage at sharing his story. But "Jan's Story" suffers at times from a lack of focus, wandering farther away from the subject of the book -- Jan -- than it should. Despite the title, this book, to me, isn't truly "Jan's" story, but rather "Barry's" story, the internal struggle of a husband and caregiver. Nothing wrong with that direction, and the book succeeds as such, but the title's misleading. As someone who's been touched by early-onset Alzheimer's (my mom), I recognized in this book many of the behaviors and feelings associated with the disease. Parts of the book will be of particular interest to those curious about how Alzheimer's affects/changes a marriage, especially in the late stages of the disease, and the tough decisions the caregiving spouse needs to make.

[Paula · Rating 5 out of 5]

Barry Petersen, tv journalist, exposes us to his innermost thoughts and emotions as he tells the intimate, forthright, and open story of his journey in the marriage to the woman he deeply loved. Sadly she developed "The Disease," Early Onset Alzheimers. Emotionally painful to read, it is a revealing account of The Disease and how its progression affected him -- as husband and caregiver -- his wife Jan, and their life together, and how he is moving forward. It is of particular interest to anyone who is personally affected by the devasating consequences of The Disease on friends and family.

[Mona · Rating 5 out of 5]

أعجبتني الرواية جرعة كبيرة من مشاعر الحب والألم على فقد حب هو كل شئ بالنسبة ل باري بيترسون بسبب مرض الالزهايمر الذي أصاب زوجته جان من النادر وجود أشخاص او عقلاء مثل الرجل الذي وهب جزء كبير من الحب والأخلاص لزوجه لم تعد تعرفه جيداً ولم تعد تشعر به ولكن يكفي شعوره هو بها يكفي حبه لها حتى لو كان كله ذكرى من الماضي ، الرواية سلبت عقلي بصراحتها وصدقها منحتها خمس نجوم لأنها تستحق كل كلمة فيها

‏أن كل التغييرات وحتى التي نتوق إليها تأتي مصحوبة ببعض الكآبة لأن ما نخلفه ورائنا جزء من أنفسنا، يجب أن نتخلى عنه قبل أن ندخل حياة أخرى
أناتول فرانس

[Shatha omari · Rating 2 out of 5]

قصة حب ملهمة،وكتاب يحمل معلومات كثيرة عن مرض الألزهايمر وصحح لي فكرتي الخاطئة عن المرض،وينقل لنا معاناة القائمين على رعاية هؤلاء المرضى.

كان هناك إطالة في بعض الفصول في الكتاب سببها -ربما- أن الغرض من الكتاب سرد قصة حقيقة ولم يكن الغرض أدبي .

تعاطفت كثيراً مع باري وخاصة أن جان كانت هي الموجهة لحياته،وكانت هي كل عالمه ومحور كونه .

تعاطفت مع جان أيضاً حين كانت تفقد الكثير من ذكرياتها لكنها لازالت تحب رجلاً يدعى باري هو زوجها .

[إيمان الشريف · Rating 5 out of 5]

مقالي عن الكتاب في موقع انكتاب :)
http://inkitab.me/%D8%A7%D9%84%D9%85%...

[Ellen Campbell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a heartbreaking true story of Barry Petersen's experience with his wife's early onset alzheimer's disease. Having experienced this with my father, it describes the helpless situation a loved one is in when dealing with this. Her gradual decline was so sad and what a sincere tribute to his beloved wife.

[Abuwesam · Rating 2 out of 5]

اختبر الراوي الزهايمر كمانح للرعاية،واستطاع ان يشفى اخيرا من اﻻثار التى يصاب بها مانحي الرعاية.
لكن حكايته انا لم اشفى منها.
لقد آلمتني حكايته جدا واصابتني بكآبة شديدة جدا.

[Faisal · Rating 4 out of 5]

اقتراح وإعارة من صديق
الكتاب هو عبارة عن تجربة الصحفي باري بيترسن مع إصابة زوجته بمرض الزهايمر .. قد لا يحتوي الكتاب على اقتباسات أدبية قيمة لكنه تجربة صادقة ومؤثرة جداً جعلتني أتعرف على هذا المرض ..

[Ashraf Hefny · Rating 2 out of 5]

كتاب لا فائدة منه

[Linda Walker · Rating 5 out of 5]

An honest book about what is like living with someone who has Alzheimers disease, including all the frustrations and difficult decisions that need to be made

[Lucy Wightman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Barry Petersen is a CBS News correspondent who lost his wife, Jan Chorlton Petersen, a former foreign correspondent for CBS television and radio, at age 63 to Early Onset Alzheimer's Disease. His brave and personal reporting chronicles the evisceration of Alzheimer's Disease not only on his stunning young wife, Jan, the patient, but on him, and all those connected to their lives.

The beautiful twist comes in the later sections of his book where he openly moves towards forming a new relationship while his wife Jan lives the remainder of her life in an assisted living facility. As Petersen said so well, "This is now a relationship of three."

Through the first chapters of the book I learned much about the earliest stages of this disease, of which there is little written. It seems that most information out there is about what happens after the diagnosis when life unravels into a twisted mess.

Many people living and loving right now with the earliest stages of this disease are in denial only because of lack of information. One may question things that become out of order, or are not characteristic of a person, and then ascribe the events to psychodynamic or attachment theories. It might drive some to search searching frantically through reams of books on relationships when those paths will end after the next episode of bizarre behavior. It is likely a sad relief to match up experiences with some of these vignettes.

Petersen titles the chapter on the first stage of Early Onset AD (criteria is that the symptoms must have been present before the age of 65) Walking Into Oblivion. Stage One, reads there is no impairment (normal function). Unimpaired individuals experience no memory problems and none are evident to a healthcare professional during a medical interview. Petersen says, "Alzheimer’s is already at work before a person knows it.” This can go on for many years, unnoticed, waiting to blossom in little bursts with long spans of time in between, tricking all those that may have had the privilege of noticing.

While I found the many detailed pages of life as an anchorperson distracting and lengthy, I wanted to continue on for more information. Of course this parallels how The Disease (what the author calls Early Onset Alzheimer's and aptly so) works. Life is normal for a while, weeks maybe, and then there is a lapse of a day, or half of a day. As The Disease closes in the time spans shorten so that by books end it was all that Barry Petersen wrote about.

"It gnaws at the brain with a pace that differs with every person, and sometimes it surrenders back some of what it has taken, with an evil, unpredictable subtleness that fuels a false hope that time is not running out," wrote Petersen.

Before the diagnosis there was much to take note of, most of this in hindsight. It was after the diagnosis that the book became a story that moved me. As much as I longed for unbiased vignettes beforehand, Petersen's story hits that mark closely enough.

Petersen developed closer friendships with people going through similar struggles, friends that validated so much of what Petersen, initially the sole caregiver, experienced. One friend wrote this to him in an email:

"The hiding or rearranging of things is very familiar. Dorothee took everything out of her dresser about four years ago and then put it all back but in different drawers. Then she accused me of giving her things away because she couldn't find them. She would also take her doll collection and hide them in different places and forget where they were. She would tell me that someone had stolen them. I finally put them on top of her dresser, which she can't reach. This all took place when I was still trying to reason with her and that made it more frustrating for me. I learned quickly not to try to reason with her. It doesn't work."

Petersen said that in the beginning, "Jan's friends and family could not see what I had been seeing day-today. It's not unusual for people to initially believe that a person with Alzheimer's is more capable than he/she really is. Many times, family members will incorrectly attribute challenging behaviors to ‘acting out’ as if they were doing it on purpose, rather than as a result of the disease.”

"She was beyond understanding difficult emotions. She was telling me things that I knew were not so. She would get things in her head and, no matter what I said, I could not change her mind. I learned that the only way to get around this was to first appear to agree with her."

"And lately she began buying the same things over and over. We had enough bottled water in the pantry to float a Navy destroyer, but still more would be delivered."

As the disease progressed, Barry Petersen faltered. His work and his soul suffered in ways most of us wouldn't stop to imagine. The time came for a caretaker so he could stay afloat spiritually and financially.

The caregiver scenario worked out for a while. Diane had experience in the progression of Alzheimer's and could manage the ways the disease changed every single part of a the way a person is.

"It was Diane who was now her main enemy. Jan insisted over and over that if Diane wasn't there our lives would magically get back to normal. We needed to “get rid of THAT woman.” No matter how much she counted to ten or went to her room to give her and Jan some separation in hopes of diffusing the anger, she faced what was, at times, an almost unreasoned hatred. The implication was clear; Diane was the “bad” caregiver who had been difficult for Jan to be around. Jan now sees Diane as the enemy and proof of her illness."

Petersen's tour reveals the growth of a man through unending grief and guilt, until he arrives to a place of choosing life and light over darkness and death. His beautiful wife Jan died in May of 2013, after the book was published, and in a CBS story about their story, one clip shows Petersen's new partner and him visiting Jan. They called it a "new American family."

Eventually relationships dissolve in the wake of the disease, and the day to day people carry an unwanted private collection of questions and scenarios, none of which fit into anything. Asking of the person is fruitless, even risky. Dialogue of any value ceases in favor of black and white reasoning, blame, and rages of confusion.

Petersen stresses how important it is to move on, and how this does not equal abandonment or detachment. Eventually there is no emotional reciprocation, compassion or caring from the person that had once been so present and full of life. It works its way from the inside out and at first, only those who are intimately involved see it.

It is a good reminder not to judge, ever. We don't know the other person's shoes, we don't know what happens within their four walls. It is best just to listen and learn, then see how to help.

[Koren · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think it would be hard enough to lose your wife to Alzheimer's disease, but to lose her at the young age of 55 would be even harder. Even though the author's wife hadn't died at the time of the writing, he still had lost her to the disease. This book is mostly how he coped with his wife's disease. While at times he maybe didn't make decisions that others would have made, he did what he thought was best for both of them. This book is different from others in that the author is a journalist and sometimes would take his wife with him on assignments, so he had the added burden of dealing with her illness while out of the country or leaving her at home. There was one point where I disagreed with him and that was after he had put his wife in a facility and later decided he needed to have a woman in his life so went on dating sites. He rationalized it by saying others had told him he needed someone and he shouldn't be alone. I thought this sounded very selfish. His wife was still living at the end of the book. I wish he would have waited to publish until she had passed so he could talk about how he coped with the ending of her life.

[Anissa Kuhar · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a helpful resource. Thank you Barry Peterson. I completed half the book and then decided it was something my father, the caregiver for my mother with Alzheimer’s disease, needed to hear. He and I listened to the audio version from the beginning to help educate him and set expectations.

Because he shares most everything with mom, he asked her to listen. This proved to be too much because of the book’s true depiction of Jan’s life. Mom simply does not want to know. Dad and I used this book as an information tool for our family. My brother is reading it so the three of us will have a common resource and base of knowledge as we come together to help my mother as the disease progresses.

Overall, the explanation of Alzheimer’s stages, letters written to family explaining the disease and how to interact with an Alzheimer’s patient, Barry’s heartfelt and honest sharing about feelings and decisions have helped our family understand the journey we will encounter. While no two situations will be alike, we have knowledge to prepare for life’s challenging decisions.