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Cruise Confidential #2
Ship for Brains
From Midwest Book the icon of excess, cruise ships carry many strange diversions for those with money to burn. Ship for Brains looks into…the twists and turns of politics that often occur when one lives on a ship and what can be experienced upon it. With a grand dose of humor and a good dose of memoir, Ship for Brains is a fine pick, not to be overlooked.Book of the Year, finalist—Foreword MagazineBronze—London Book FestivalFinalist—New York Book FestivalFinalist—San Francisco Book Festival Returning with his award-winning wit and delightfully candid narrative voice, Brian brings us the first and only exposé of art auctioneering on the mighty liners, where the tenet of "what happens at sea, stays at sea" has always been observed - until now. We are transported to the sea as our likable guide vividly shares his misadventures, triumphs, flirtations, and, above all, his amusing and astute insights into human nature.In the Cruise Confidential series Brian David Bruns spills the dirt—or in this case, the dirty water—on those romantic, fun-filled vacations at sea. His hilarious chronicle of the years he spent working on cruise ships takes readers down into the areas where the crew works and lives, leaving readers gasping with laughter as they’re assaulted nonstop with events that range from the absurd to the utterly bizarre. From this isn’t an exposé of cruise lines so much as a lighthearted adventure, readers planning a cruise will glean lots of useful information, and cruise veterans may find themselves looking at their familiar turf in a new, slightly suspicious way.“This man has seen it all!” - Deborah Roberts, ABC 20/20“Bruns' prose … proves his steady and deliberate writing voice.” - Writer’s Digest“The real party is going on in the crew’s quarters.” - USA Today“I found it absolutely hysterical!” - Peter Greenberg, Today Show“Part Love Boat, part Mutiny on the Bounty, Cruise Confidential does for cruising what Animal House did for higher education.” - New York Times Bestseller J. Maarten Troost“Cruise Confidential is a deliciously addictive read, a blistering kiss-and-tell about the dysfunctional life working on cruise ships.” - Doug Lansky, Travel Channel“These hilarious misadventures at sea will shock and delight any buffet-ready cruise traveler.” - Jen Leo, author of Sand in my Bra“The funniest travel book I’ve read in years.” - Peter Mandel, author of My Ocean Liner“This is a really entertaining true tale by a guy who struggles through the bizarre world of cruise ship employment. Bruns paints a clear picture of ‘how the sausage is made’.” - San Francisco Chronicle“I couldn’t put it down.
443 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2011
115 people are currently reading
141 people want to read
About the author
Brian David Bruns
27 books74 followersBrian David Bruns has adventured in over 60 countries to gather material for his bestselling books and won dozens of literary awards, including the USA REBA Grand Prize. He has been featured on ABC's 20/20 and CBS Inside Edition and was anointed Sir Brian by Prince Michael, Regent of the Principality of Sealand (yes, really).
After several years residing in Dracula’s actual hometown (yes, really), he and his Romanian wife now live in Las Vegas with their two old rescue cats, Julius and Caesar.
He is devoted to veterans organizations, such as Operation Homefront and Wounded Warriors Project, to which he's donated thousands of his books.
He sometimes writes as B.D. Bruns.
After several years residing in Dracula’s actual hometown (yes, really), he and his Romanian wife now live in Las Vegas with their two old rescue cats, Julius and Caesar.
He is devoted to veterans organizations, such as Operation Homefront and Wounded Warriors Project, to which he's donated thousands of his books.
He sometimes writes as B.D. Bruns.
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Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews
June 18, 2012
I took on Ship for Brains by Brian David Bruns for review early this year, around the time of the Costa Concordia disaster in Italy. I had cruised on that same ship in 2008 and felt a connection to those poor passengers affected by such incompetence. I’d also been on another Carnival ship (Carnival owns Costa) in the Caribbean when an engine failed, delaying our return a full day. That situation was poorly handled and communicated by whoever was in charge (the captain and cruise director pretty much vanishing). I felt this book might provide some tidbits to re-stoke my personal indignation with Carnival.
However, it seems a previous book by the author, Cruise Confidential is probably the best bet for that. Ship for Brains continues that book’s relating of Brian’s experiences in the cruise industry, after his exit from the software development world. In this second book (a third is coming soon), he sets clear objectives for himself.
To become a full auctioneer, in charge of my own ship, required the blessings of my managing auctioneer first, followed by the fleet manager, then the endorsement of the supreme fleet manager, and then ultimately the owner of Sundance. I needed to reach these goals while alone, but once the position was secured, I would finally be able to bring my Bianca with me. I had already suffered thirteen months at sea to be with her, what was another year? I would wait a lifetime!
But it’s not just for Bianca, but also his affinity for art:
Art is as much a lustful, chemical reaction as romance. A painting can call you like a Siren, capturing your eye from across a crowded gallery and luring you closer, perhaps even against your will. You look her over from every side and fantasize about her at your place even before you have the courage to ask her name. Hopefully you get lucky, sometimes you do, but so often she’s way out of your league. But when a connection happens, oh, how your life brightens! And like a love affair, the best art grows more complex the longer you are with her, and more appreciated.
The story opens with Brian reporting to the Majesty as a trainee, after passing a short but gruelling course with Sundance, an independent auctioneering company. He’s under the guidance of Shawn, a savvy Canadian and auctioneering wunderkind, who will determine whether Brian gets promoted to associate.
Before they can get into a groove, though, Shawn is reassigned to another ship. A new auctioneer, Charles (supported by Turkish wife, Tatli), takes over. The couple is completely different from Shawn yet Brian develops a nice bond with them. His flirting with Tatli is creepy at times, but harmless; it seems to help contain his lust thereby remaining faithful to his beloved Bianca. Alas, this little team, like so many in the cruise industry, is not destined to last either. Brian gets reassigned to another ship to work under someone he met during training.
The narrative flashes back to Brian’s experiences at Sundance’s week-long auctioneering boot camp in Pittsburgh. Many of the other thirty students have little chance of success, as it seems they’re there to learn about partying more than auctioneering. Brian’s education is what helps him survive those distractions and he distinguishes himself at the course-ending faux auction.
The narrative returns to the present with Brian getting reassigned to the Conquest to work under Bill Shatner. No, not that one. For everyone at Sundance had taken on the nickname of some famous person—Brian was Buzz Lightyear—a cute gimmick at times, wearisome at others.
Brian and Bill’s relationship isn’t as strong as the ones he had with Shawn or Charles and Tatli. Brian makes plenty of mistakes, particularly with accounting, forcing Bill to sacrifice partying time. But Brian makes up for it with hard work and his extensive knowledge of art. His unrelenting faithfulness to Bianca, despite countless overtures from beautiful women, draws both mockery and admiration.
I’m not sure how autobiographical it’s meant to be as many scenes and characters are over the top. The goofing off and macho arrogance of the banter got a bit juvenile for my taste—or maybe I’m just envious. However, I enjoyed the passages about the art and some of the places visited, which were generally well written and displayed the author’s passion well. The non-chronological structuring, which made this read more like a novel, also worked for me. It kept the story fresh and kept it from rambling off course.
Even so, something was missing. It might have helped had there been more scene development, especially with the auctioneering. Too much of the exposition was given in dialogue rather than shown in action. In fact, I can recall no place showing any actual auctioneering. There was plenty of preparing and taking down but, other than the practice scene at the school, no gavelling.
While Ship for Brains didn’t turn out as I had (facetiously) hoped—my indignation with Carnival hasn’t wavered—it delivers what it promises: a travel romp with a variety of colourful characters amidst a unique context.
However, it seems a previous book by the author, Cruise Confidential is probably the best bet for that. Ship for Brains continues that book’s relating of Brian’s experiences in the cruise industry, after his exit from the software development world. In this second book (a third is coming soon), he sets clear objectives for himself.
To become a full auctioneer, in charge of my own ship, required the blessings of my managing auctioneer first, followed by the fleet manager, then the endorsement of the supreme fleet manager, and then ultimately the owner of Sundance. I needed to reach these goals while alone, but once the position was secured, I would finally be able to bring my Bianca with me. I had already suffered thirteen months at sea to be with her, what was another year? I would wait a lifetime!
But it’s not just for Bianca, but also his affinity for art:
Art is as much a lustful, chemical reaction as romance. A painting can call you like a Siren, capturing your eye from across a crowded gallery and luring you closer, perhaps even against your will. You look her over from every side and fantasize about her at your place even before you have the courage to ask her name. Hopefully you get lucky, sometimes you do, but so often she’s way out of your league. But when a connection happens, oh, how your life brightens! And like a love affair, the best art grows more complex the longer you are with her, and more appreciated.
The story opens with Brian reporting to the Majesty as a trainee, after passing a short but gruelling course with Sundance, an independent auctioneering company. He’s under the guidance of Shawn, a savvy Canadian and auctioneering wunderkind, who will determine whether Brian gets promoted to associate.
Before they can get into a groove, though, Shawn is reassigned to another ship. A new auctioneer, Charles (supported by Turkish wife, Tatli), takes over. The couple is completely different from Shawn yet Brian develops a nice bond with them. His flirting with Tatli is creepy at times, but harmless; it seems to help contain his lust thereby remaining faithful to his beloved Bianca. Alas, this little team, like so many in the cruise industry, is not destined to last either. Brian gets reassigned to another ship to work under someone he met during training.
The narrative flashes back to Brian’s experiences at Sundance’s week-long auctioneering boot camp in Pittsburgh. Many of the other thirty students have little chance of success, as it seems they’re there to learn about partying more than auctioneering. Brian’s education is what helps him survive those distractions and he distinguishes himself at the course-ending faux auction.
The narrative returns to the present with Brian getting reassigned to the Conquest to work under Bill Shatner. No, not that one. For everyone at Sundance had taken on the nickname of some famous person—Brian was Buzz Lightyear—a cute gimmick at times, wearisome at others.
Brian and Bill’s relationship isn’t as strong as the ones he had with Shawn or Charles and Tatli. Brian makes plenty of mistakes, particularly with accounting, forcing Bill to sacrifice partying time. But Brian makes up for it with hard work and his extensive knowledge of art. His unrelenting faithfulness to Bianca, despite countless overtures from beautiful women, draws both mockery and admiration.
I’m not sure how autobiographical it’s meant to be as many scenes and characters are over the top. The goofing off and macho arrogance of the banter got a bit juvenile for my taste—or maybe I’m just envious. However, I enjoyed the passages about the art and some of the places visited, which were generally well written and displayed the author’s passion well. The non-chronological structuring, which made this read more like a novel, also worked for me. It kept the story fresh and kept it from rambling off course.
Even so, something was missing. It might have helped had there been more scene development, especially with the auctioneering. Too much of the exposition was given in dialogue rather than shown in action. In fact, I can recall no place showing any actual auctioneering. There was plenty of preparing and taking down but, other than the practice scene at the school, no gavelling.
While Ship for Brains didn’t turn out as I had (facetiously) hoped—my indignation with Carnival hasn’t wavered—it delivers what it promises: a travel romp with a variety of colourful characters amidst a unique context.
September 13, 2016
Brian is back with more tales of personal catastrophe on the high seas as he re-joins the life of a crewman on a cruise ship, this time as an art auctioneer.
As with the previous book, Cruise Ship Confidential, the stories are by turns, funny, disturbing, and more than a little lusty. Bruns' writing is sharp and crisp and the descriptions of places and the life of the ship itself are vibrant and detailed. The layout of the ships and the thrill of having a passenger cabin are conveyed with a sense of joy and wonder that is quite fun to read. Likewise, the descriptions of the auctions and of the art itself are interesting enough to warrant the occasional detour to Google or Wikipedia to see what, exactly, Bruns is telling us about.
The cast of characters is less realized, though, and most come off as pastiches or cliched. The villains have very little in the way of humanizing characteristics; the women are wanton and frustrated that they cannot have the affections of our protagonist. Passengers and crew members alike are sketched in with less of the jargon and musings about international differences in language and culture to help define them. As a result, it becomes all too easy to sort each new introduction into stock roles.
In the end though, this is Brian's story. And in it, Brian carries on, doing his best to take stock of his own faults and foibles. He also keeps working topward his goal of achieving a coveted, ranked position on the cruise ships so that he can bring his girlfriend, Bianca, on board with him. In this, Bruns does a better job, both of showing his own weaknesses, as well as showing us what makes Bianca special to him, than he had in the previous book.
This is a flawed, but fun book. Anyone who has an interest in modern, commercial sailing, traveling, and / or romance ought to enjoy this second installment of Bruns' memoir.
As with the previous book, Cruise Ship Confidential, the stories are by turns, funny, disturbing, and more than a little lusty. Bruns' writing is sharp and crisp and the descriptions of places and the life of the ship itself are vibrant and detailed. The layout of the ships and the thrill of having a passenger cabin are conveyed with a sense of joy and wonder that is quite fun to read. Likewise, the descriptions of the auctions and of the art itself are interesting enough to warrant the occasional detour to Google or Wikipedia to see what, exactly, Bruns is telling us about.
The cast of characters is less realized, though, and most come off as pastiches or cliched. The villains have very little in the way of humanizing characteristics; the women are wanton and frustrated that they cannot have the affections of our protagonist. Passengers and crew members alike are sketched in with less of the jargon and musings about international differences in language and culture to help define them. As a result, it becomes all too easy to sort each new introduction into stock roles.
In the end though, this is Brian's story. And in it, Brian carries on, doing his best to take stock of his own faults and foibles. He also keeps working topward his goal of achieving a coveted, ranked position on the cruise ships so that he can bring his girlfriend, Bianca, on board with him. In this, Bruns does a better job, both of showing his own weaknesses, as well as showing us what makes Bianca special to him, than he had in the previous book.
This is a flawed, but fun book. Anyone who has an interest in modern, commercial sailing, traveling, and / or romance ought to enjoy this second installment of Bruns' memoir.
July 7, 2013
In the second installment of Brian David Bruns’ cruise ship trilogy, he begins his career as an art auctioneer. We follow his journey through his training, promotion to art associate and culminating with the achievement of his objective: to get his own ship assignment. This journey, at times appearing to be brutally painful and inhumane, is all in pursuit of his Bianca. There was very little interaction with Bianca in this book so I am still at a loss to understand why he is so drawn to this woman (but I find that all is revealed while reading his third book, The Unsinkable Mister Brown).
There was so much I didn’t enjoy about this book, but it was not the quality of writing, or even the storytelling; it was the treatment he endured and the nasty cast of characters speckled throughout, leaving little room for the usual spattering of humor. However, one of the highlights for me was the Gregg family, especially the family excursion. I wished more of the book was like that, with endearing characters and non-sex-related cruise experiences, but then it wouldn’t have demonstrated what he went through to achieve his ultimate goal.
There was so much I didn’t enjoy about this book, but it was not the quality of writing, or even the storytelling; it was the treatment he endured and the nasty cast of characters speckled throughout, leaving little room for the usual spattering of humor. However, one of the highlights for me was the Gregg family, especially the family excursion. I wished more of the book was like that, with endearing characters and non-sex-related cruise experiences, but then it wouldn’t have demonstrated what he went through to achieve his ultimate goal.
June 24, 2011
The first book "Cruise Confidential: A Hit Below the Waterline: Where the Crew Lives, Eats, Wars, and Parties. One Crazy Year Working on Cruise Ships" was a very interesting read about living on a cruise ship for months at a time and as being the only American crew member. This sequel rehashed some of the first stories to set the tone for the new job. He still constantly was wanting to be with his girlfriend and it gets a little tiring to read over and over about how he never cheated on her. The parts about the actual art auctioneer training and job are interesting and even some of the stories when at port, such as the day he spent with a family in the jungle, but for the most part it is just one story after another of drinking, bad flirting, being called gay because he will not bang co-workers and wondering when he will see his girlfriend.
June 13, 2012
Just like in Cruise Confidential, most of the book was very interesting and absolutely a page-turner(particularly since I am in the cruise industry). The last part of the book, which contains an excursion in Costa Rica, was too long and boring.
One of the author's colleagues, in the book, asked something like, "why do you always have problems with the ships officers?". It seems like the author does always have problems with his superiors (in both books). In his first book, I felt it was because of his nationality. But in this book, not only did I think he created his own problems, but I started to dislike him as well. Coupled with his "holier than thou" mentality (compared with his bosses from the Art Auction company), and his stories of how every hot woman on the ship pursued him-I think I will pass on the third book.
One of the author's colleagues, in the book, asked something like, "why do you always have problems with the ships officers?". It seems like the author does always have problems with his superiors (in both books). In his first book, I felt it was because of his nationality. But in this book, not only did I think he created his own problems, but I started to dislike him as well. Coupled with his "holier than thou" mentality (compared with his bosses from the Art Auction company), and his stories of how every hot woman on the ship pursued him-I think I will pass on the third book.
May 2, 2015
Cruise Confidential 2: Ship for Brains continues in the same vein as the first, this time describing the art auctioneer's side of cruising. Unfortunately, the book suffers from the same weaknesses as its predecessor. The author has long lost credibility with outlandish dialogue that consistently portrays him as having a rarely-empty supply of witty comebacks in the face of foreigners who are depicted as astoundingly ignorant of America's culture and people. It's not simply a case of a few tweaks here and there to make the story more gripping, but bulldozes straight into the realm of unbelievable. The story is still interesting enough to keep the reader's attention, albeit casually. There are quite a few interesting characters in this one and the last one grabbed enough of my attention to want to find out what happens. Would still recommend for those interested in cruising.
October 8, 2019
Ship for Brains continues Brian David Bruns’s Cruise Confidential series. This second installment continues the true life on a cruise ship. I liked the first book of the series, but seemed to like this one to be more fun. I laughed out loud quite a few times at some of the antics that happened among the ship. Gary Furlong does a good performance in the audio version bringing the words of the book to life.
I am giving Ship for Brains three and a half stars. I am interested to see what else happens on the ship next in the next book of the Cruise Confidential series, Unsinkable Mister Brown.
I received the audio version of this book from the publisher. This review is 100% my own honest opinion.
I am giving Ship for Brains three and a half stars. I am interested to see what else happens on the ship next in the next book of the Cruise Confidential series, Unsinkable Mister Brown.
I received the audio version of this book from the publisher. This review is 100% my own honest opinion.
May 12, 2016
Full of typos
Ugh. Didn't love it. Didn't hate it. Absolutely hated the formatting that was wrong and all of the typos. That got old quickly. About the book... It was ok. I read his first book, which I enjoyed. This was a bit more boring. I also wish he got into more details of the financial stuff. I recently went on my first cruise, Carnival, and was curious about life on the ship. The first book did a good job explaining that in an entertaining way. I also wish he hooked up with all of the chicks he had the opportunity to. Holding out for Bianca was lame and I got sick hearing about it. Very unlikely I'm going to read his third book in this series.
Ugh. Didn't love it. Didn't hate it. Absolutely hated the formatting that was wrong and all of the typos. That got old quickly. About the book... It was ok. I read his first book, which I enjoyed. This was a bit more boring. I also wish he got into more details of the financial stuff. I recently went on my first cruise, Carnival, and was curious about life on the ship. The first book did a good job explaining that in an entertaining way. I also wish he hooked up with all of the chicks he had the opportunity to. Holding out for Bianca was lame and I got sick hearing about it. Very unlikely I'm going to read his third book in this series.
October 2, 2014
Fun stuff. This book chronicles the inner workings and craziness of life as a cruise ship employee. The author's first book "Cruise Confidential" followed his journey as a crew member in food service. This adventure follows his new higher status as a cruise ship auctioneer. The book is longer than you would expect, however holds your interest with fun escapades and delightful characters. (There are a few typos in the Kindle edition that need attention.)
December 10, 2012
Not as good as first one. Many of the 'characters' become, cartoonish and broadly drawn. Not that the stories are made up, but many are just plain pointless. The laugh-out-loud funniness is still here, but you have to sift a lot deeper for it than you did in Cruise Confidential, this book also has a lot of backpatting and humble brags that distract from the story.
May 5, 2014
While I enjoyed the second installment of Brian David Bruns's adventures while working on cruise ships, I felt like the author had more fun writing the first in the series. Even so, this book is fun reading for people looking forward to a cruise vacation. A word of warning, though. You will want to increase the amount you pay out in tips.
August 11, 2020
An absolutely fantastic behind-the-scenes look at life on cruise ships from a crew member’s perspective. A non-fiction book written in a story telling fashion, it is fast paced and does not get muddled with technical information. A definite must-read for those who like to peek behind the curtain into a world guests never see.
March 12, 2012
I got near the end of the book, all the while hoping against hope that it would get more interesting. Then the author talked about "motor" cross, not once but twice. That's when I gave up. Even I know the term is motocross. I wish the book was interesting but I just didn't find it to be.
July 26, 2012
I enjoyed the first book and I wanted to like this one too. I got a bit tired of one story after another that just seemed a little too over the top. In summary, Bruns positions himself as a good guy who works harder than everyone else and gets picked on a lot.
September 21, 2014
I found it to be an interesting peak into the behind the scenes of my favorite vacation method. It did drag out a bit, but I liked it enough to finish the whole series in about a week of binge reading. Not Shakespeare, but fun reading, especially if you are interested in travel, history, and art.
April 22, 2016
This is just fun - life of an auctioneer on a big cruise ship; two stars doesn't mean anything negative - it's just a memoir of all the players in the crazy art auctions on ships - we'd just returned from a cruise and, as always, witnessed these auctions.
June 17, 2016
The author is really very proud of himself, and that level of self-love is grating. However, he does give a fascinating look behind the scenes at on-board art auctions and how they pay structure works. I wouldn't buy from them, that's for sure.
December 31, 2022
An easy and delightful read. My husband often asked me what I was smiling about when I was reading this book and it was always because of something funny and/or smart Brian said. I can't wait to read more books by him!
March 17, 2013
Easy airplane read. He has a funny style and gives some info about what it's like to work on a cruise ship
April 20, 2015
Good
This is yet another detailed book,concerning life aboard a cruise ship. This one concentrates on majesty of the seas climbing,his way to being an art auctioneer
This is yet another detailed book,concerning life aboard a cruise ship. This one concentrates on majesty of the seas climbing,his way to being an art auctioneer
May 31, 2019
Very self indulgent book where the author writes in the first person and finds significant faults in everyone he writes about.
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews