Difficult Personalities. A Practical Guide to Managing the Hurtful Behaviour of Others

by Helen McGrath

Difficult Personalities is a reassuring guide to help us deal with the difficult personalities we encounter daily, as well as with our own. It offers strategies such as anger and conflict management, means of achieving empathy, optimism and assertion, and how to make decisions about difficult relationships.

The authors discuss ways to cope with frustrating, confusing and damaging personalities. They also identify the 'successful' sociopaths. These can be charming, often highly successful people who are serial liars with no conscience. They can 'con' everyone they meet and do much damage - until those around them realise there is a pattern. Difficult Personalities explains how to identify those patterns and shows that these 'con artists' or 'chameleons' are more common than we may think.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Self Help, Relationships, Communication, Business, Mental Health

256 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2000

Reviews

[Petra X]

Other people think I have a difficult personality. I have no small talk and never fit in. I'm desperately shy and so overdo talking sometimes, or don't say anything others. Men like me, but women.. .rarely. I hope if I get round to this I might find some way through this, as I often feel very isolated and lonely. Especially when my best buddy on the island, really my only buddy tells me of all the parties she is going to, all the people she is having around for dinner and who once said to me, I can't invite you Petra, because none of my friends like you. I replied, most of them have never even spoken to me... But it is true.

[Laura Gregoire · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dealing with Difficult Personalities is an informational book. It is a phycology book about different personality types. It tells you what the definition of the personality is, if you are one, how to deal with one, how to stop it if your one, and situations a person of this personality type may get in. It even had relationship advise. In some parts it cleared up stereotypes of these personality types which really made me happy because their are a lot of stereotypes that are just dumb and mean that need to stop. I think it wasn't exactly a fun read but it was very informational and interesting. It really makes you reflect on yourself and how to help the people around you. I would suggest this book to people who have troubles with other people who has a difficult personality or you like phycology like me.

[Cara McKenna · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was okay, but probably won't blow the mind of anyone with a decent amount of common sense and self-awareness. I read it for character/writing ideas and did walk away with a few. No comment about whether this book will do what it promises (help you solve interpersonal relationship problems), since I didn't pick it up for that purpose.

Interesting, but not fascinating.

[elizabeth sawyer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Non-fiction academic like book, almost a bit of a quick dictionary in lay-man's terms about mental disorders. There is a little bit of "difficulty" in all of us but there is a boundary when actions become patterns and distructive to relationships. Being someone curious about psychology & relational elements of life I happened across this book when browsing the section in the library for a different book. There is such a stigma to "mental illness" that I've discussed with a few friends who deal with anxiety, depression, etc. so I grabbed it & wasn't sure if I'd read it. I ended up reading it quickly - some parts easier to skim than others. I found it refreshing to have a book point out the positives of what is deemed a "problem" more often, but also have some realistic ideas for how to converse & relate to someone too. Light reading? no. A book for everyone to read? nope. But if you're curious about the spectrum from quirks to disorders in the vast world of personalities then maybe a good pick for doing a little skimming over parts you are interested in at the library.

[Lindsey · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book examines difficult personalities (negativity, superiority, bossiness, anxiety, passive-aggressive, sociopath, etc.). McGrath examines the psychology behind various personalities, gives examples, offers suggestions for how to handle those difficult personalities in your work and personal life, and what to keep in mind if you find yourself expressing difficult personality traits.

I liked this book. I listened to the audiobook though and I wish I hadn’t. The book has a lot of lists that are fine to listen to, but I would have preferred to take notes and highlight this particular one. I think if I bought the book I would actually find it quite helpful in my work and personal relationships.

My favorite piece of advice from the book:
“There is an old saying that sums this up perfectly: ‘When you’re in the wrong admit it; when you’re in the right, shut up.’ “

[Meghan · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was generally a quick and easy read with the chapters featuring the same basic layout. Unfortunately, I didn't find this book to be profound or thought-provoking. The personality trait characteristics were largely based off of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator plus seemingly obscure labels the author threw in. This felt like a lazy approach, as I was hoping for something more technical and informative. It just seemed like the author was encouraging the audience to be more patient and understanding toward people that behave like @ssholes instead of offering enlightening techniques. Each chapter offers an excuse as to why individuals with specified labels behave like @ssholes. All the while, I'm asking myself, why am I taking the time to read about how to deal with an unpleasant person when it's easiest to avoid unpleasant people (when that's an option)?

[John Nelson · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have had the misfortune of knowing and working with a number of people with difficult personalities. (Many people no doubt would say the same thing.) Knowledge is power, and understanding what makes people with various personality traits "tick," and how the rest of us tend, consciously or unconsciously, to respond to them, can be useful. The shortcoming of this book is that it is written largely in the form of a bullet-point outline, and provides little depth or insight.

[Corgi Mom · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good book. Helps me understand my husband better: why we are so different, why we argue, how and why we approach life the way we do, the way we do things, why we think differently, how we relate to each other, what bothers us about each other and why my husband gets upset with me and vice versa. Very informative.

[Pooria · Rating 3 out of 5]

An overall good book. I liked the fact that the language was measured. It goes over the basics without watering them down too much, but obviously, some depth is lost. I have a couple of gripes, though: DSM-5 is out—why not update the book in the reprints? Also, MBTI? Really? Wouldn't the Big Five have been more evidence-based?

[Izlinda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I already returned this book to the library so my review is going off my slightly bad memory.

I really appreciated the introduction in this book. They made it very clear that people's behaviors are on a continuum and different "symptoms" of each difficult personality would be present in different people, and the frequencies and intensities of each trait would differ as well.

Overall it was a good book to read, though the formatting started to bother me near the end. Each chapter would have sections and sometimes a section (titled with maybe a size 16 font, I think?, and bolded) would only have one paragraph in it. Okay. Also, there were some editing errors.

Reading the entire book, some advice or information does get repetitive, but I think it's possible some people to pick up the book, find the chapter they're looking for and just read it. The authors probably had that in mind when they wrote the book.

As another reviewer said, a lot of the advice seems like common sense. Yeah, it does, but some people react better to advice and take it under consideration if it seems more official than given from a concerned buddy. Or if they think their boss, significant other, spouse is being condescending...

A lot of the personalities described do align neatly with Personality Disorders in the DSM-IV, as they mentioned.

Mmm...can't remember what else I thought of the book... Hopefully it'll be helpful for me, in life, and also in future psychology classes.

[Jenny · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fantastic book. Everyone should read it. I'm going to buy it.



Covers incompatible personality types (extrovert/introvert, planner/optionizers, thinkers/feelers), frustrating and annoying personality types (negativity, superiority, bossiness), confusing personality types (anxious people, inflexible people, and demanding people), damaging personalities (passive-aggressive, bullyies and sociopaths), and then a section on strategies (rational self-talk, options).

[Leah Coffin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really solid, practical advice on how to deal with certain troublesome personality types, both if you have them or if someone else you know does. Aimed primarily towards dealing with these types in family and other relationships, but can also be applied to one's professional life.

[Nicole · Rating 2 out of 5]

I don’t know. This just wasn’t as engaging as I thought it could have been. Each “personality” has key traits, a handful of real-life examples, pros and cons to that personality, how to handle it and what to do if that IS your personality. The bulk of it repeats, though: be compassionate and not judgmental, remember it’s only one part of who [you] are, various spins on “set your boundaries firmly but kindly”.

For the most part, I think the people that go seeking and reading this kind of book are those who are familiar with the “tactics” that this book suggests. They’re certainly valid; the book simply doesn’t explore things in as much depth as it could. The two that I needed help with - Passive-Aggressive and Highly Sensitive - were featured, but I didn’t find any new groundbreaking concept. There were better and longer articles from google.

I found the most useful parts to be the examples. “Passive aggressive” is practically a trendy insult, but do you recognize it when someone agrees to help and then drags their feet to never complete a project? My offender’s style is more “it’s fine but I’m going to sulk openly and give the silent treatment”, but then I recognized the former as a behavior that I’ve seen as well. So, that was a little novel.

My LEAST favorite part was when the book started listing out traits of various personality disorders and citing the DSM-IV. Whoa whoa. Stay in your lane. You write a book that only includes SOME of the criteria for diagnosis for the general public? It doesn’t mention the other criteria; it simply sticks to what traits Obsessive Compulsive PD may look like. That isn’t helpful, though, because there’s a lot of other fine print that goes along with that diagnosis.

Overall, it was a little disappointing, dry, and dated, but could be good for thumbing through.

[earthshattering · Rating 3 out of 5]

The fact that this book took me many months to read says something about how engaging it is. It's all over the map, talking about romantic, work, and friend relationships, and how to solve interpersonal conflict. There is also the hard left turn into sadists and murderers. The techniques jumped from dealing with work to romantic conflict and back, quickly and without rhyme or reason.

At the same time, there was a lot of useful information in here. I would say the primary benefit of reading the book is to recognize that you yourself likely have a difficult personality, and can give you insight into how other people experience your behavior. It can help you build some empathy for people around you. The most interesting chapter to me was the chapter on anxiety and how it affects people physiologically. I also liked the text near the end on rational ways to perceive some conflict-ridden situations.

[Meka · Rating 4 out of 5]

I came across this book randomly as it was on the shelf of my Airbnb and had a few hours of free time available. A quick read, maybe due to the formatting of the book.

Gives a lot of information, understanding and helpful tools in dealing with different types of personalities that we encounter every day. It helps the reader to understand the psychology behind each behavior as it is written from the perspective and understanding of dealing with an individual (home or workplace) or you being the individual with the difficult personality.

The book is an informative book and so gives lots of information and is definitely a psyche book for those interested in psychology or just want to understand people and yourself better.

[Rachelle Pascual · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book really explains the personality types and their strengths and weaknesses. Looking on the bright side or on how to deal with potential problems nurtures our personal growth and interrelationship skills. We matter, you matter even if you're an extrovert, introvert, or ambivert. Thinkers (making decisions by mind/ideas) VS. Feelers (by heart/feelings) and Passive VS. Aggressive VS. Assertive behaviors also discuss here. "Difficult" can turn to easy. Live life and be true to ourselves. More lessons and understandings here. The important thing is we have our own beauty despite imperfections, let's use and share it. Optimism matters.

[Caitlin Mostert · Rating 3 out of 5]

At the beginning of this year, I had a less-than-desirable situation with a (former) friend and roommate, so I started reading this book in the hope of learning from that situation and better understanding the reasons behind her outrageous behavior. This I certainly achieved and more than that, I found myself often reading about myself in some chapters!

Being a "practical guide", this book is not the most entertaining, but you will surely be able to relate some of the chapters to difficult personalities that you have met as well as your own. It provides some helpful tactics for dealing with each personality and provides some plausible reasons for the cause/origin of that behavior.

[Annie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I gave this book 3.5 stars but rounded to 4 stars. The author describes different personality types and how their perspectives can result in a conflict, such as extroverts (too quick to act?) versus introverts (too slow to make a decision?) and planning (too rigid?) versus optionizing (too careless?). Some of the information and advice seems basic. But there are plenty of topics, so jump to the chapters that are relevant for your life (e.g., dealing with an angry person, a bully, or a person who behaves passively).

[Cara · Rating 4 out of 5]

[4]

As a psychology student, I appreciated how the book provided digestible information on different mental disorders. It gave different examples on how to spot the symptoms of the disorders, and even advice on how to work on them if you have them. Although, I think there were some parts that were a bit draggy. I did like the repetitive theme of "being different is not necessarily being difficult". It allows us to embrace our differences, and provides hope that we can further improve ourselves. :)

[Riccardo · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not all great therapists are great writers. Difficult Personalities turns out to be very difficult to read. Not because it is inaccurate, but because it is mind boringly boring. Most of it is written in note form, with not a semblance of prose in sight. More in the realms of a reference book that you take out once in a while to brush up on ways to deal with your fuckwit boss or over difficult relative than an novel to read from cover to cover. Some great advice though.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is amazing. It shows you how to deal with different personalities and disorders. It also gives you information on assertiveness. I’m guessing that many are struggling with anxiety due to covid. It has quite a large chapter on how to deal with anxious personalities and if you are anxious. If gives you more understanding as to why people act the way they do and how to deal. It’s a book for every leader to read and practice.

[Jksiazek · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book more than anticipated! It was helpful as a reminder of different personalities and how to interact with those we may not see eye-to-eye with or butt heads with. It was a little textbooky, but overall helpful for what I was looking for. If nothing else- it served it's purpose in making me feel more sane and that I'm not the only one who has noticed other people are mostly insane 🤪

[Eileen Funk · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some interesting ideas here, but doesn't really go in depth in any area. Many of the recommendations are the same for example "Try to remember this is only one aspect of the person's personality". Some advice seemed rather ill advised. Overall it did serve to broaden my perspective on why some people might engage in some difficult behavior.

[Dorian · Rating 2 out of 5]

I got to about page 175, having skimmed the last couple chapters and burnt out from the rest. It’s not really a book you can read through. It’s good for picking up when you’re having an issue or conflict, and can’t figure it out. Recommend it’s use as needed, Im sure it could be helpful in some way.

[Claire Hardwick · Rating 3 out of 5]

3 Stars.

The book was alright. Breaks down different personality patterns of difficult individuals, and how to navigate those phycological patterns, and what to keep in mind if you the reader also may have certain tendency of a difficult personality trait. Some interest bits on narcissism, but other than that found the material to be surface level.

[Olwen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really helpful and practical book written in language you can understand.

[Heather Barrett · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF. If you subscribe to the Myers-Briggs personality BS, this is definitely the book for you.

[Alahni · Rating 5 out of 5]

I began this book at a time in my life where I was having such a hard time showing compassion for ppl with difficult personalities. It truly helps me navigate my responses.

[Susan · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. Some interesting thoughts.

[202 unknown · Rating 4 out of 5]

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