No: Why Kids--of All Ages--Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It

by David Walsh

Cites the importance and value of setting appropriate boundaries while raising children, sharing a wealth of case examples that demonstrate how parents can instill self-discipline, respect, and integrity in young people in the face of cultural permissiveness. By the author of Why Do They Act That Way? 50,000 first printing.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Psychology, Education, Self Help

320 pages, Hardcover

First published January 9, 2007

Reviews

[Hamdanil · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting book and it's a very good reminder that nowadays we have a culture that everyone should what they want - but in reality the ability to face a no, to have self-control, to appreciate what you have instead of wanting more and more is very important. Like many parenting books I've read, most of the lessons are based on the author's experience (e.g. as parent and when counseling) and some common sense analysis, and maybe a little bit scientific research. Many of the sections contain long stories, feel free to read them or just skip them after getting the message.

[Brianna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another MUST read for parents, teachers, really everyone! I cannot even express the drastic change in children in the past 4 years. Once upon a time (4 years ago) I had a class with 30 children and LOVED it (this was with 2 to 3 aides) We had our few "tough" kids but overall class was very enjoyable. Well, fast foward to today and I have 20 kids in my class and most days am ripping hair out wondering WHY?, HOW?, AAAAAA! Children are not only much more difficult but they all are falling into the syptoms and sterotypes for ADD, Austism, Aspergers and so many other learning disabilities and syndromes. It now seems that I have more difficult, challenging and learning disabled students than I do "normal" ones. A class that used to be mostly great with a few hard kids is now mostly hard with a few heaven sent pleasant chilren!

Now you may ask what my perception is as to why this is happening...???
I will be very blunt and say #1 Parental style (dicipline or lack of, time with children or lack of, divorced and seperated families etc...)
#2 Media (what is in the media and TOO much of it) #3 Diet (Additives, sugar, HFCS etc....)

The book teaches how to say NO in a YES culture, why kids need it, and how to say it. It also talks about delayed gratification...WHAT a novel idea in our world of INSANT gratification and the craving and ease of fullfillment for immediate pleasure.

[Melinda Waffle · Rating 4 out of 5]

After hearing Dr. Walsh speak at my husband's school, we purchased this book. Very practical, and we have seen in our own family some of his strategies work. Working in schools, both my husband & I can see a lot of the issues/problems at work in the attitudes and behavior of students...

[Veronica Van Wagoner · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really good parenting book with lots of stories to keep you from getting overly bored. It has lots of places to stop and do some reflecting on your own parenting and what you want to change. Also good for teaching.

[Narelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

My four year old, who cannot yet read, chose this book to borrow from the library shelf. She recognised 'No' on the front cover (which is a good start for us!) and likes to read chapter books like her older siblings! I took it as a sign that I was meant to read this book.
David Walsh provides an insightful and relevant study of the struggles we face as parents today. It feels counter culture to deny our kids anything.
My only disappointment with this book, was Walsh's failure to discuss or consider the possibility that special needs conditions could be attributed to, or perhaps exacerbated by, infants and children not forming the connection they need with their parents for healthy development. Though Walsh talks in detail about the various stages of child development and what a child needs from their parents as they grow, Walsh implies that the special needs conditions are solely a genetic disposition. I don't agree.

[Jenni · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am about half way through this book but I love it. This book really reflects my philosophy about raising kids. It discusses why kids need to hear no, why limits and consequences are important, and a lot of research to back it up. It gives check lists to help you understand your parenting style, how you are doing, ways you can improve, and dos and don'ts. He reinforces the idea that kids need to learn how to behave while they are young and the stakes are low so when they are older they are prepared to deal with life. Once kids are grown the stakes could be their health, safetly, life, or others.

It is a great book! I would definetly recommend it to all parents-of any age.

I finished it and still really like it. It is a great read!

[Donna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Dr. Walsh describes a world fascinated by instant gratification and permissiveness where parents and kids both have a tough time creating balance. Correctly and creatively using the word "no" and setting resposible limits protects kids whose prefrontal cortex is still under construction--establishing boundaries until our children and teens can set appropriate limits for themselves.

The book has some really useful tips and offers hope for the beleagued parent by reminding us that there is light at the end of the tunnel if we just soldier on with good humor and good intentions, doing our best to really connect with our kids.

There was bias, much of good common sense, and I felt I learned a thing or two from the book.

[Cindy · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must read book for all parents.

I have a stepson so there is a whole chapter on teenagers and this is why I sought out this book. The chapter tells how (GASP) their minds are not quite "a finished product.." but still developing. This sentence itself made me realize why my stepson is still "growing up" and made me kind of stand back and look at him differently.

It's a helpful book without being boring - giving advice on how to be a parent and not a friend, explaining the different types of parenting styles, and going into aspects of how to raise a product human being.

[Amy]

I heard this author speak yesterday. He is amazing. I hear all the time that we need to tell our kids yes more. Well I think there may be some truth to that. I think when it really comes down to it though, no needs to mean no and vice versa. Sometimes we say no only until they throw a big enough temper tantrum. Kids are hearing yes way too much for a variety of reasons. I liked how he portrayed the culture our kids are growing up in. He didn't focus on the doom and gloom, just made us aware and gave the education to help them be happy, functional, self-disiplined children. I look forward to reading this when this semester is over.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must read for parents with children of any age but especially for those with children heading into the teenage years. The premise is clear from the title, but it's packed with strategies for how to actually practice that hard advice of holding firm.

It's common sense advice, and the chapters about raising children in the early years was affirming. But as my children near adolescence, I'm less confident about my parenting skills. I can see already that it's going to get harder (and harder!) There are practical suggestions and scripts for how to handle a variety of issues: Media awareness, Money, Peer relations, Curfew, School and issues with teachers, and more.

[Tales Untangled · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Walsh provides an approach for parents to change their parenting techniques through anecdotes stories, purpose in parenting and a variety of techniques. He has a common-sense approach that will be appreciated when faced with the far-fetched ideas of children. The book isn't really about saying No as much as a resource to improve the parent/child relationship and a manual to help develop children into happy and productive adults. Saying No just happens to be a lost art and is the key to success in our relations with our children.

When I was a new mom...

To read my full review go to http://talesuntangled.wordpress.com

[Cynthia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant. Can't stop talking about it, or thinking about how instant gratification impacts my two year old. Granted all kids are bossy, but being about to get the music you love, the tv you love and the toys you love on demand has a price. We used to have to wait for our favorite songs to roll around on the radio, but my kid knows that you can press some buttons, switch CD's and she's hearing hers before she asks twice. Hmmmm. I'm learning about how that's not great in the long run and sometimes patience, compassion and consideration all come from NO.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great parenting strategy book on the importance of saying "No" to your children. I've read several parenting books and this is a no nonesense guide to fighting negative media influence and the the curent permissive culture. While several parenting book teach a modern age relativism approach to child rearing and morality, this book is an old school guide to teaching (and enforcing) the differences between right and wrong and acceptable and unacceptable behaviour. Highly recommended for the parents of young children.

[Karin Mitchell · Rating 4 out of 5]

This parenting book is excellent. It doesn't dumb down and talk for forty plus pages about why this is the best method and why you should be reading this book (my biggest pet peeve about pregnancy and parenting books.) It gets into some detail about each age and offers practical and supportive advice for how to raise balanced, motivated children with limits. There was nothing earth-shattering for me in the book, but good reminders and especially good explanations about teenagers. I'd recommend this for any parent.

[Silver Hills Middle School · Rating 5 out of 5]

Saying "no" all the time is so exhausting. This book helped me feel not so alone in my decisions-especially when my husband and I disagreed on a parenting decision. I could use this book to cite my reasonings for my decisions. I find that as a woman I make decisions based on the future and my husband tends to think about the decision in connection to how it affects him today. There are chapters in the book that did not have to do with my older kids, so I just skipped them.

[Lauren · Rating 4 out of 5]

He gives some very good advice regarding children of all ages. It was interesting to read his chapters on the brain and development of children. I also really liked his opinions on how our culture is changing: with respect to disrespect, expectations, spending, academics. . . and how we can help kids learn patience, self reliance, self discipline. I also enjoyed his views on media & entertainment, and family time.

[Melanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don't think this book has anything revolutionary in it. The brain science chapter is good, if you're into that sort of thing (I read part; skimmed part). I think it just hit me in the right place at the right time - strengthened my backbone when I was feeling wishy-washy. The sample scenarios were good, but I wouldnt' have minded a few more. I borrowed this book from the library, but if I find I'm backsliding as a parent, I may have to track down a used copy to keep me fortified.

[Burke McFerrin Alciatore · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am really enjoying this book. I see this behavior all too often. I think I may even have been raised a little too permissively. The book promotes helping your child develop self discipline when they are young so they do not have to develop it as they are making more difficult/dangerous decisions when they are older.

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought this book was really helpful. Seems like parents today try to protect their kids so much and avoid using the word "no". This reinforced for me that you do need to set firm boundaries and saying no, especially to candy at the checkout, helps them later in life. I felt great after reading this book. I'm not a mean mom after all...I'm doing them a favor.

[Trish · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a very practical book, but some of the advice is very one-dimensional. What I liked is that he writs out actual conversations, so you get a feel for how to actually use his advice in certain situations. A good book for new parents or just parents looking for new ways to approach discipline for all ages. He does deal with infants through teenagers.

[Katharine · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a good reminder of why children need boundaries and limits in their lives as we get ready to start disciplining Desmond. One chapter talked about why your praise needs to be based in reality, otherwise children sense the falseness and your words loose meaning to them. That was a good reminder for me, as I tend to over-praise and encourage people.

[Kristen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I needed something to give me direction in how Rob and I would discipline our toddler. We used the ideas and questions to formulate our own plan. I like that it takes each developmental stage and takes into consideration different personalities. I didn't finish all the book because I figure I would forget the information for older children anyways.

[Havilah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Strait forward easy to understand advice for people with children of all ages. One of my favorite parenting books. I have children in a wide range of age groups, and this book has information to fit most stages of life and development. I have been recommending it to friends and family for a while now.

[Kayla · Rating 3 out of 5]

Kids need boundaries and limits and we as parents need reminders of how to navigate saying "no" in a culture that does not support that. This book provides an overview of the stages of development, brain science, and some basic techniques for keeping our kids on track. Enjoyable read but I think Paul Tough's book on grit and resiliency gives more bang for the buck.

[Wan Shoo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Extraordinary education on dealing with kids. This book is not teaching you the skill of speech but instead give you an insight into the psychology of child, helping you to deal with difficult kids or situations. This is not a Bible to. overcome all dilemmas but definitely help you to understand what they are thinking. Highly recommended for parents !

[George Matthew · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really enjoyed reading this (though it took me too long). Filled with great stories of the author helping parents say No to their kids. Really blends nicely with the book I'm currently reading, "Overindulgence".

We have to remember to be the adults in our relationship with the kids.

[David Warner · Rating 4 out of 5]

A good book--like "Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters," it discusses the importance of parents being there for their children to set rules and provide guidance. The book does provide an interesting spin with how our "yes" culture has affected our children's ability to learn and advance in school.

[Kristine Sprunger · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm not a parent, and I've never wanted to be. Having said that, this is a fantastic book! I work with the public, and have to enforce policy, and sometimes knowing why someone might be acting in a less than socialized for society manner is helpful.

[Kim · Rating 3 out of 5]

As with any parenting book, you take what is relevant to you and what you can use from it and discard the rest. This had some information I felt was very helpful for one of my kids and his particular challenges.

[Holly · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not groundbreaking for me, but always good to review (annually) a good parenting book. The kids are so different every year, and I always appreciate reminders (esp. at the beginning of a long summer with them 24/7) about how to parent skillfully.