Dear Dad: Letters from an Adult Child

by Louie Anderson

Comedian Louie Anderson grew up in a household held hostage by the unpredictable and violent behavior of an alcoholic father. In letters that are poignant and often angry, yet touched with the humor that characterizes his monologues, Dear Dad chronicles Anderson’s hard journey from shame and fear to understanding.

Anderson’s many appearances on The Tonight Show , his specials on HBO and Showtime, and his concerts across the country have won him wide acclaim. But when he found that, despite his considerable success as a comic, he felt no relief from his pain, Anderson entered therapy and joined an Adult Children of Alcoholics group. Only then was he able to break a lifelong pattern of denial.

Includes an introduction by Anderson and a selection of letters from Dear Dad readers about their own experiences.

“Compelling, tender, funny, and well-written. . . . I respect Louie’s courage for talking so openly. Writing the book may have helped the writer in his healing process, but it will also assist readers in theirs.”—Melody Beattie, author of Codependent No More

Genres: Nonfiction, Humor, Biography, Memoir, Comedy, Biography Memoir, American

272 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1989

About the author

Louie Perry Anderson (1953-2022) is an American stand-up comedian, actor and television host. Anderson created the cartoon series Life with Louie, has written three books, and was the initial host of the second revival of the game show Family Feud, from 1999 to 2002.

Growing up in St. Paul, Minnesota, Louie Anderson was the second-youngest of 11 children in his family. He went to Johnson Senior High.

Reviews

[Ionut Stancu · Rating 4 out of 5]

Draga Louie,

Copil fiind, am urmarit show-ul animat creat de tine cu religiozitate. Stiam cand incepe, cand se difuzeaza reluarile si de cate ori pe zi. Stiam fiecare replica a dublajului in limba romana inainte sa fie spusa. Este pana in ziua de azi unul dintre serialele mele preferate.
Crescand, am continuat sa-l revad periodic - uneori din nostalgie, alteori ca somnifer - si-am fost surprins de calitatea glumelor (care reusesc sa patrunda chiar si prin traducerea de multe ori nu tocmai fericita) si a scriiturii. Fiecare episod este o mica lectie de viata ce devine dulce amara prin ochii unui adult, fiecare personaj se simte acum ca un prieten vechi.
Cand am aflat cat de mult este inspirat din copilaria ta, am fost intrigat si-am vrut sa stiu mai multe. Mai ales ca tatal tau - desi avea mereu cele mai bune glume - mi-a lasat mereu impresia unui parinte iesit din comun de autoritar si chiar rautacios uneori.
Citind cartea ta dedicata lui am aflat de ce: era alcoolic. A fost o experienta intima, miscatoare si vindecatoare. Ti-am aflat secretele, insecuritatile, trauma. Dar dincolo de asta am primit si o lectie importanta despre iertare, compasiune si acceptare.
Acum n-o sa mai pot niciodata privi acel serial cu ochii copilului de-atunci. Dar adultul intelege ca ai dorit sa-i arati tatalui tau ca l-ai iertat si-ai facut din copilaria ta grea si trista una plina de speranta pentru ca noi, ceilalti copii, sa ne bucuram. Iti multumesc!

Semnat,
Un copil

[Mike Kowis · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is NOT what I expected, but in some ways it is even better! I've read several books by famous comedians and always enjoy learning about their struggle to break into showbiz and find their voice. Most of these books are humorous. This one is not. However, it is powerful, poignant, and touching!

Louie's book briefly mentions his initiation into standup comedy, but doesn't cover much else about his comedy career. Most of this book is the author reliving his childhood and his interactions (mostly unpleasant) with his alcoholic and sometimes abusive father.

In a series of letters addressed to his deceased dad, Louie chronicles his journey to discovering WHY his father acted the way he did and his dad's impact on the whole Anderson family. Louie painstakingly interviews and records several family members and eventually travels across the country in search of answers. In the end, Louie reaches the conclusion that he loves his dad and vice versa.

If you are looking for a funny book or a book that details Louie's comedy career, this is NOT the book for you. However, I think this book is perfect for anyone who struggles to cope with a dysfunctional, abusive family relationship (past or present). I also recommend this book for anyone who wants to read an uplifting true story about someone's journey to overcome the emotional scars from a rough childhood and finally being able to see the good parts of others who hurt them. Even though this book is not what I expected, I'm so glad I read it.

[Julie Choi · Rating 5 out of 5]

I never would have read this without watching Baskets. I love Loius portrayal of Mrs Baskets and this book shows you how he can portray this role so convincingly. This book is a beautiful insightful memoir. I dare you not to cry.

[Stephanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cried just as hard as I laughed. Definitely loved this book.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very touching book where Anderson attempts to heal after his father's death by writing letters to him in hopes of resolving his issues and saying everything he never could while his dad was alive. It is not an angry book although there are moments of anger. It is a son's desperate plea to come to terms with his hurt and emotional pain. It made me cry several times throughout. It also made me laugh. At it's core it is a very vulnerable and real story about a boy who really needed his Dad to love him. Anybody who has a strained relationship with their father would surely relate to this book.

[Krista the Krazy Kataloguer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Louie Anderson has long been my favorite comedian. This book, about his childhood relationship with his alcoholic father, gave me a lot of insight into his sense of humor.

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very powerful book. You can feel his all his emotions with each letter, all the anger and heartache. Quite a journal. Recommend for anyone who is an adult chid of an alcoholic.

[Jeremiah Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was expecting a comedy book. Instead I got a heartfelt look into what made Louie what he is today. It is a very quick read that at times brought tears to my eyes.

[Jane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Being a child of an alcoholic father, this book was a fast read and an impactful statement on the side effects of an alcoholic family. Anderson opens the door to his family history with poignant, raw, and honest questioning following a narrative of self reflective letters addressed to his late father. It takes courage to admit your family isn’t perfect, but its takes outright heroic strength to share with the world the ugly truths and deeply held secrets in your personal life.
This is not about the comedian’s intimate relationships with celebrity types, because my guess is he probably doesn’t feel connected to friends like he does to his enormous family of veteran survivors who experienced the war fields of his father’s alcohol-fueled rages within the Anderson home. He does not hate or feel anger toward is enabling mother. He does not hold ill will toward anyone in his hometown who could have intervened on his behalf or his siblings. No, what he has is
a firm grip of what’s wrong with himself and why there is no answer but forgiving the sole perpetrator who still haunts his childhood memories and plagues his eating issues. For him, its about letting go of unsettled arguments and misunderstandings, and focusing mainly on the positive. Pretty sound advice. And like Louie shows us, you have to do the hard work yourself to get there!

[Lisa Carlson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Minnesotan born comedian and actor Louie Anderson puts his heart and soul in creative letter form as he writes about his life, his distance from his father and his family with a range of emotions. It seemed necessary to read more about him with his debut on FX's Baskets. Anderson is really the only reason to watch this show as his turn as the Mom is hands down hilarious and terrific. It's clear from reading Louie's letters he had a difficult childhood but it was his Mom and his siblings who he feels tender love for. His humor is clean and listening to local radio interviews he seems like such a lovely man. It's on my bucket to see Louis's show sometime soon.

[Jenn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an awesome book!!! Those who have grown up in an alcoholic and/or abusive family it is a must read!! Louie talks about his growing up with his alcoholic and abusive father, by writing him letters after his father had passed!! It is a must read if you have lived in those situations!! I thoroughly enjoyed it as i grew up with an alcoholic grandmother and grandfather and after hearing stories of my mother being raised by both of them can understand her situation more clearly!!!

[Svetlana Pavelko · Rating 5 out of 5]

I grew up with "Life with Louie" and still watch this cartoon very often. This book is very touching - it makes you cry and smile, makes think about your own life and relationship inside your own family. Highly valuable book for me (and I would even say, for any person - specially, kids or teens). Thank you, Louie!

[Grace Geldmacher]

This book is hilarious and tear jerking all at the same time

[Kitap Yakıcı · Rating 3 out of 5]

I learned about my mom's experience as the child of an alcoholic and what it meant to be an "adult child."

[Dave · Rating 5 out of 5]

I want to say to my Dad who Died 13 yrs ago I forgive you and Love you. RIP.

[April · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautifully written, I highly recommend this to anyone who grew up with an alcoholic parent.

[Vlad Forsea · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's no surprise why so many people in Hollywood, but also around the world, mourned the passing of Louie Anderson. You can feel it in this very emotional book - Louie Anderson reveals his kindness and his warm heart, reliving his past and coming to terms with his difficult childhood.

As the next to last child in a large family (11 children!), Louie's childhood was not only pressured by poverty, but shaped by his father, an enraged, alcoholic, war veteran. By writing letters to his deceased father, Louie tries to metaphorically challenge his dad and find out the reason for his alcoholism. Louie tries to cope in different ways: overeating, making jokes, searching town archives and even interviewing his family about dad. There's a lovely journey as well in this book, as Louie goes from disdain to acceptance and even love towards his father as he discovers more and more clues about his life.

I fist found out about Louie Anderson through his animated sitcom, Life with Louie. A lot of Louie's memories have interesting parallels to some of the show elements, so I definitely recommend reading the book and watching the show, in any order.

[Greg Talbot · Rating 4 out of 5]

Louie's comedy is about healing families. It's a humor that is brightly adorned, g-rated, slightly self-deprecating, playful with cliches of food and family, and incredibly vulnerable. I was so lucky to hear Louie interview with Terry Gross (http://www.npr.org/2016/03/02/4688682...), about his excellent new role in Baskets where he played his mom. The interview showed a much different man. Having recently lost his brother, and discussing issues of suicide attempts, binge eating and parental abuse, it's unnerving just how kind-hearted the man is.

The book is a series of letters Anderson wrote to himself, addressed to his departed dad. He chooses, to stare into his past, warts and all, and writes these sincere vignettes to his father. It loosely follows his ascension from an ignored child among 11 to the rise of one of most enduring comics in today's culture.

Louie rarely gets me in a belly laugh, and i tihnk it's because he aims so much for the heart. He writes poignantly how life is all about losing things: our hair, our teeth, friends...and we have such a hard time learning to let go from the things we should. His work at a halfway house, where he encountered a runaway at 3am in the morning just broke me.

The search for meaning, closure, acceptance, is so painful. At one point he acknowledges it's too late to stop now. Forgiveness comes, it wins, and it's hard fought for. Acceptance is never really dependent on another person, dead or alive, it truly is inside work. Anderson paints us the grim reality of family suffering from the mental illness of an father. It's painfully real. His stories, his humor, and life dictate another truth. Our happiness is our own, and our parents shoes only fit if we put them on.

[Chris Roberts · Rating 1 out of 5]

Unsurprisingly, there manifests another "Alcoholic Dad" memoir, a homage to the triteness of "I."

Nobody cares, the crickets sound your lament, "Alone..."

Paid out, laid out...raise up the past, dime-a-dozen, another day, another hype, Zero to ninety, floor it, eighty seven - I GOT to hit it!, the thing is nobody cares about the game, a dead father and live one look the same.

Dissociative writing (me) is grand, a speck of dust takes nine days to rust, the asylum is near, zoom one-hundred, now bedlam is in the rear or how we die in slow-motion, oxygen a slavish devotion.

Chris Roberts

[Karol · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book chronicles the true experience of the author growing up with an alcoholic parent. Louie Anderson, a stand up comedian, doesn't let the experience fill his adult life with sadness or anger and he comes to a resolution by seeing his father as a whole person. A well thought out book with touches of real humor at the human situation.

[Darlene Campos · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a moving book

I've been a fan of Louie Anderson for years and have seen him live twice. However, I've never read any of his books except for Hey Mom. I decided to read Dear Dad and was blown away. Anderson is not only a terrific comedian but also a fantastic storyteller. I really loved this book.

[Mike · Rating 3 out of 5]

Raw, courageous, enlightening, introspective

A Raw, courageous, enlightening, introspective look into a man’s past and present life concerning his father.

A book that may make you stop and consider your own family dynamic and explore the subsequent impacts.

[Jalia Shelley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book so much and cannot recommend it highly enough. Louie tells of his upbringing with an alcoholic father and coming to terms with his death. Louie interviews his siblings and mother to see how they remembered the past.

[Cws]

362.29

[Smita Magar · Rating 2 out of 5]

haha...it was fun!

[Vikki · Rating 3 out of 5]

This comedian's letters to his dead, alcoholic father. Very funny and sad-but good.

[F · Rating 3 out of 5]

Excellent (except for occasional bad language). Heart-warming and sometimes heart-wrenching.

[Jim Trela · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting way to tell a story. Letters to his dad.

[Oana · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have this theory that all we deal with in life is loss. We lose the protective comfort of the womb. We lose our mother's breast. We lose the right to mess in our pants. We lose friends, teachers, relatives. We lose our hair, our teeth, and our youth. We keep losing all these things and never get them back, but we never really learn how to deal with the loss. We never really say that it hurts, really hurts, and so we spend the rest of our lives trying to make up for it, holding on tightly to things that we should really let go of.

This book was heartbreaking. I can't imagine a child growing up with the abuse, rejection, pain, humiliation, fear and frustration that Louie lived with. Despite all that, he still tried, he still searched, he still wanted to be better. The part where he talks about being with his father near the end was devastating and all I wanted was to reach out and hug and comfort him. I can only hope that Louie found the healing he was looking for his entire life.

[Tom · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read after the death of Louie Anderson (1/21/22), who I loved so much as a "Minnesota Comic." I felt he really represented our state's soul... emotionally constrained, a bit wounded, keeping it all inside. Public displays of real emotion, affection or even irritation? Kripes, that's for somebody from California or New York. And so Louie takes that bottled up stuff and applies sardonic wit to create really funny, family-oriented humor. There are a few laughs in this book, but it's really Louie working through his family dynamics; mostly processing his feelings about his deceased, alcoholic and abusive father. It makes me reflect on my relationship with my own father, which might be best summarized as, "Don't bother me and I won't bother you." Yeesh, that sounds a bit harsh now that I've written it. Maybe I need to write a few "letters to Dad" myself.

Sorry you're gone, Louie. You were a gem.